One of the biggest mistakes I see a lot of the guys on here make is their utter fear of failure and hamstering to support why it's okay. They do not put themselves out there because they are terrified of rejection and the shame that comes with it, or, we have the guys who have fucked up in some way with a girl and didn't get the lay, or got ghosted, and they stress about it for a long time, getting emotionally shook and posting 50 threads on asktrp demanding to know what they did wrong.
To Fail is to Learn
Failure is a huge part of life, so you need to stop being so terrified by it. It may seem like the worst thing in the world, the shame, the humiliation, the hit to the ego; but without failure, you would have no way to learn what works and what doesn't, no lessons to teach you where to improve, no signposts to direct you in the right way.
If you want to be good at something, you have to be willing to suck at it first.
This goes for everything in your life, skills, hobbies, career, social interactions. I was a horrible guitar player for years before I could play a song anyone recognised. I could barely bench the bar when I first started lifting. I was a social aspie for most of my life, failing almost every interaction I had with people, before I started figuring out what works and what doesn't. I had to fail time and time again in social situations (and embarrass myself profusely) in order to learn how to traverse them; and I did, it's a skill that can be picked up and practised. I wrote two whole posts on that shit; if you're still having trouble talking to strangers and making friends, check out them out in my post history.
Failure itself never hurts as much as you anticipate it. The fear of failure and the anxiety that comes with it is always so much worse than when it actually happens. It never hurts as bad as you think it will. The dishes always take much quicker to clean than you thought they would.
The first time I asked out a girl I was 14. I had worked up the courage to do it for weeks, and was so incredibly nervous I was cold sweating and stuttering when I did so. She rejected me, politely.
I was elated. It was the happiest I had been in a long, long time. It didn't make any sense, my crush had just shot me down, yet I was bouncing around with a big grin on my face.
Why? Because the weight had been lifted. I'd got the answer. I could move on and stop stressing about it. No longer did I have to think "what if".
Having the balls to make a move on a girl and getting a "no" is infinitely better on your psyche than wondering what could have been for the rest of your life. Grow a backbone and just do it, the rejection is never so bad. I'm sure you can all think back to a time where you got shut down by a girl and didn't really care that much after, or even, felt much better. Internalise that. This is how you should approach failure.
But still, I won't be able to logic most of you guys out of your fear of failure; it's a deeply emotional and personal feeling, it seeps out of all the childhood scars and insecurities you carry with you. There's only really one way to get over your fear of failure, and that's to experience it first hand; to drown in it until it no longer cuts you as it used to, to drink the poison gradually until you are immune.
And still, even with that knowledge, a lot of you are too embarrassed or scared to put yourself out there, because you imagine your failures and humiliations to be so much worse than everyone else out there. You think other guys never fuck up as much you do (because you hyperfocus on your own failures and insecurities) or that they are never as shook by it as you are (because you imagine others to be emotionally stronger than you are).
So with that said, I will combat this with a nice bit of schadenfreude for you all. Here are the most potent fuckups, failures and idiot moments I remember. I will be brutally honest, and explain where and how I went wrong with my fuckups, and even more importantly, analyse what I learnt from those experiences.
So here we go, I may be be-lovingly endorsed and I may smash more pussy now than I can feasibly handle, but I was a stupid fucking kid for a long time (and still am), and you'll all know it now.
Girl 1: Lab Thot
In my first year of university, I paired up with one my buddies in the first Chemistry Lab session. A girl arrives late and sits with us, 5ft1 ish, short hair, tanned, hot in the kind of "instagram hoe" way, you know what I mean. He knows her from somewhere, I assume he's tapping that.
Now I'm an idiot kid at the time, I'd only just started reading TRP and hadn't fully understood or internalised it, and I was still pretty terrified of girls, I didn't know how to speak to them. She kept asking me questions. I brushed her off with one word answers, being too anxious to come up with anything witty or flirt back; I was incredibly aloof.
This was very attractive to her. She thought I was some dark mysterious guy who just wanted to focus on the work and wouldn't put up with her shit. In fact, I was malfunctioning on the inside, this was the hottest girl I'd come into contact with who didn't immediately sneer and ignore me. The anxiety was incredible.
This is a concept I've seen mentioned on here before, "The Accidental Alpha". When a guy is so aspergic with his social interactions that he actually comes across as cool, collected and masculine. He's not actually, but to women on the outside, they see these simulated attractive qualities and fall for it.
Over time I started hanging out with this girl at school a lot, going to classes together, etc, I thought we were "just friends". I thought there was NO WAY a girl this hot could be into me. I still thought that men and women could hang out platonically and be non-sexual friends. Obviously this is wrong, but I didn't know it at the time.
One day, she came over to my dorm so we could study for a test together. She was very dressed up, as if she was prepared for a date. I was in my gym clothes. I teased her about it. "I'm meeting a guy afterwards" she says. I believed her.
We studied for a while in the communal kitchen, then I mentioned going back to my room to take a break. I actually meant this, I was tired of studying. She heard "let's go back to my room to fuck".
She was down. "Yeah okay. But we're not having sex" she says.
"Of course not. Why would you say that?" I was confused.
If a girl ever says those words to you out of the blue, it means she has been thinking about fucking you for a while. It's on her mind. She frames you as a sexual prospect.
We go to my room and lay on my bed. We start talking about relationships and sex.
Green flag number two. If conversation strays into that territory, she wants to fuck you.
I did nothing.
She shows me the guys she's flirting with at the moment. Trying to make me jealous. She shows me the nudes she sent these guys.
Fuck, this girl was showing me a picture of her naked body and I didn't get it.
I did nothing.
We start talking about the gym. She's a regular cardio bunny. She squats too. She can prove it as well.
She pulls her pants down to show me her ass, frilly thong and everything. It was a work of art. I was rock hard.
Still, I did nothing.
She pulls her pants back up, and we chat for a bit more. She says "the hottest sex I ever had was when the guy just grabbed me and fucked me, didn't wait or ask or anything".
At this point she is basically BEGGING me to make a move. She's been making solid passes at me this whole time, short of actually kissing me. Remember, women do not make OVERT attempts at escalating, they hint and hint and hint, opening themselves up to the opportunity for you to make the move; but they never commit to any final concrete action, that's YOUR job. As the man, it is YOUR responsibility to escalate.
I didn't. I didn't even understand why she was doing or saying these things. I thought she was just kind of eccentric and weird.
Eventually she went home, I walked her to the bus stop. The atmosphere was really weird, she seemed quite angry, or disappointed. I didn't understand why.
Guess what. She came back the next day. Just as dressed up. We did the whole charade all over again, but this time I was getting quite suspicious, my inner logic was finally showing.
"Maybe this girl likes me?" I was almost there.
But then my anxiety won.
"No way. I'm a skinny nerd loser, she's smoking hot and fucks guys way bigger and cooler than me. We're just friends and I'm reading too much into it, some girls can just be a bit crazy and flirty like this. What if I make a move and she just laughs at me and tells everyone, that would be horrible!"
After that second time, she stopped replying to my texts.
What I did wrong: I did not see the IOIs she was broadcasting at max capacity. This girl was showering me with "good-to-go" green flags and I just did not pick them up; or rather, I noticed them, but I did not understand them, or attribute them to what they actually meant. I had such low self-worth and self-image that I did not believe there was a world where a girl this attractive would actually be into me, so I saw every interaction with her through my idiot anxiety lens rather than a redpill lens, or the lens of the Real, of truth.
What I learnt: Accept IOIs for what they are, don't let your low self-esteem get in the way of obvious clues, girls can like you for crazy reasons you won't understand, so don't place your value in how you see yourself but instead on how others see you.
Also, don't be a fucking idiot and just make a move and see what happens.
Girl 2: Club Thot
A few years ago, I went with a few of my first year uni friends to a a famous nightclub in my city. Now I was never really the partying type, never really understood nightclubs or dancing, but I wanted to make friends and I wanted to get laid. The group I arrived in was mixed, and we had the one magic ingredient that every guy needs when entering a club: pre-selection. We were walking in with 9s and 10s and guys were hitting on the girls we were with pretty hard.
In comes a bouncy brunette with huge sparkly eyes and long straightened hair, sneaking her way into our place in the queue. Slim, short black dress and an insanely pretty, young face. Instantly, (for some reason) this girl was into me. She was very bouncy, chipper, I assumed at the time quite drunk.
Once again, the sperg inside me didn't understand what this girls deal with. I had never been opened by a girl before. I was aloof. I was speaking with the HB9 tall Californian I was quite close with instead. Club thot gets a bit vexed at this, asks "are you two a couple?". I brush the question off, my friend says nothing.
When we get inside I instantly leave the girls and go get a drink, the club thot follows me like a puppy. We dance for a bit, idk what I'm doing, but she's all smiles. I don't get it, this girl seems very into me. Why??
Well, I learnt my lesson from the previous girl. Fuck it, if she's into me I won't question it, I go for the kiss. She reciprocates eagerly. We make out on the dancefloor, and then the smoking area, my friends are there watching us and cheering me on.
We leave the club, it's the dead of winter now so it's freezing. She's in her short dress but doesn't seem to care. I'm shivering like a madman.
I'm going to take this girl home I think. Holy shit. I actually did it! I pulled a cute girl at a club, who the fuck said this was hard?
I have it in the bag. We walk around for a bit, we make out in an alley. She says "lol I'd never suck a guys dick in an alleyway" out of nowhere. I didn't understand why she said that, I do now; it was an invitation for me to make her. I didn't. (Probably a good idea anyway, no way I would have got hard in the sub-zero temperature).
She lifts up her dress and shows me her thong; fuck. This girl really wants to get laid. Okay, I say, let's get the bus to my dorms.
We wonder around for 20 mins looking for a bus stop. I notice her gradually losing her chipperness and interest, she gets less bouncy, less energetic.
We wait at the bus stop, she is quiet now. I don't see it. With a big stupid grin on my face, I assume I still have it in the bag.
3 stops into the journey, she gets up and exits the bus without saying anything to me.
I never saw her again.
What I did wrong: I assumed that just because a girl was into me at the start, she would remain interested. I had low investment, and didn't continue to game the girl throughout the night like I should have. I also did not have the logistics in place to bring a girl back to my place, I didn't know how to get home quick enough, and I wasted a lot of time wondering around. Not once did I consider the idea of getting a fucking cab back. Idiot. It would have been a small price to pay for the crazy wild pornstar sex that girl would have given me.
I realise now, after a few years of doing drugs myself, that this girl was most likely hopped up on MDMA or Coke, and was coming down just as we got on the bus. She probably realised the mistake she was making and bailed last minute, which was likely a very good shout for her, because I was a stupid idiot kid and wouldn't have been able to fuck her the way she wanted me to anyway. I cringe all the time thinking about how I was this girls "mistake" and her friends probably rib her for it, I'm the loser they make fun of her about. Ouch.
What I learnt: Strike while the iron is hot, the girl will not always have the same level of investment and attraction; and have the logistics in place to quickly bring a girl back and get to the fucking. Every minute you waste getting home and getting sober makes her less and less attracted to you.
Girl 3: MPDG Thot
So a year or so later, I'm scrolling through facebook and I see a picture of one of my friends tagged in with a group. With him is a girl with purpley/pink hair in a skater dress, bright smile, crazy eyes, extremely beautiful. I think, "wow, I wonder what kind of guy get girls like that".
Skip forward a few months and somehow I've ended up in the position where she's hanging out with me and my friends. This girl is the stereotypical "reinvent yourself at college, have a few breakdowns and dye your hair stupid colours, experiment with drugs and fuck a few too many guys" manic pixie dream girl. I was into it. She had this whole bohemian tortured "I travelled europe on my gap year and read Kafka" look to her.
She liked me, I could tell, we would hang out one on one together but I'd be too scared to make a move; but hey, at least this was an improvement from the last girl, as least I was picking up on the IOIs now; it was just a case of not having the balls to capitalise on them.
Anyway, at this point in my life, I had got incredibly tired of being a skinny fuck, and I'd finally started taking the TRP advice of LIFTING. However, I was making next to no progress, I eventually realised it was because my diet was shit and I just wasn't taking in enough calories at all. I was having one or two huge meals a day, instead of consistent small meals throughout and snacking like I should have.
I desperately needed to stop being a spooky skeleton, so I took some drastic measures. GOMAD and mass gainer was my plan, as well as dirty bulking at McDonalds and the like.
I'm sure you know where this is going.
At one point I was hanging out with this girl and another guy, we were looking at apartments together. That morning I'd forced down a mass gainer shake with whole milk, a huge protein filled breakfast, another glass of milk, some McDonalds later on, and then another milkshake after the gym.
I was feeling kind of woozy, my bowels were really twisting and turning, we were in an apartment block, returning from a viewing, and suddenly out of nowhere, I threw up everything I'd eaten that day right at their feet (the estate agent who was with us included). It would have been funny except for the fact that I wouldn't stop throwing up, there was loads of it, and it smelt absolutely horrible. They all started to retch and hold back their own puke, and we all ran out of there quickly. It was like a scene out of a teenage slapstick comedy. The girl and my friend found it quite funny and disgusting at the same time, the estate agent was horrified, I'd thrown up all over the block of flats he'd supposed to be taking people to view, and I sure as heck wasn't in any position to clean that shit up.
I still think about it to this day, people actually lived there and I was just the phantom chunderer who stank up their homes in the middle of 30 degree summer.
Mad cringe bros. I'm so ashamed.
And I did this in front of the girl I wanted to fuck too.
But guess what. Amazingly, this did not deter her.
Amazingly, she still wanted to hang out with me one-on-one anyway.
For some mad reason, she was still into me.
Whatever. Some women will apparently look past these kinds of things if you're Chad enough.
So I invite her round to my place to smoke weed, this time intending to actually fuck her.
But this is during the year in my life where 1) I am incredibly depressed and anxious and 2) I'm habitually smoking weed every hour of the day (hmmm, I wonder if there's any correlation).
So I know she's coming, but I don't really make any real effort to get ready. I don't clean my room or change clothes, I don't shower or shave, I just smoke weed. I figured to myself "well, I'm so redpilled and alpha and attractive, she'll be into me no matter what I look like". Plus, if she could still stand me after I threw up a sewer in front of her, I couldn't do any worse right?
She arrives and it's all downhill from there.
Firstly, we smoke weed and I get to that stupid level of high where you can't really talk properly and everything you say is dumb. I have no game, none of my normal witty banter and things are just kind of quiet and awkward.
Secondly, I'm unshowered and greasy, and all the GOMAD is making my skin break out.
Thirdly, my room is a real fucking mess. I haven't cleaned it in over a month at least. When Jordan Peterson says a cluttered room is a sign of a cluttered life he's absolutely correct, my life was a mess at that time, and the floordrobe and strewn take out boxes and old food was a testament to that.
But, amazingly, incredibly, this girl still ended up naked in my room. I have no idea how, well, I kind of do; she'd been through 3 different hair colours and 2 suicide attempts in the time I'd known her; this girl was just as mentally damaged as I was. Still though, she put up with a lot of shit to get at my dick, I have no idea what was so special about it.
Anyway we didn't make out much cos she didn't seem too into it, I realise now it was probably because my breath was horrifically bad; it's what shitty weed and old tobacco does to your mouth. The universe (or God's) way of telling me to quit the habit, punishing me even.
So she takes my pants off and is about to go down on me; it's all kind of mechanical and there's no real energy or excitement to the whole encounter. Then I think, hmm, I should be polite.
"One sec I'm gonna go wash up my dick"
"Well if you're gonna be sucking on it it might as well be clean"
"Um okay" She says.
I go to the bathroom and wash up, grinning at myself stupidly for somehow managing to bag the gorgeous girl I saw on FB that one time. Well done stud.
I return to my room and she's all dressed with her handbag on her shoulder.
"Where are you going" I say.
"Um, I'm supposed to be somewhere and I'm kind of late".
My heart drops. I understood instantly. I'm not THAT deluded.
"Okay" I say. I'm not gonna push it. I know when I've lost.
She leaves with a polite smile, but more a grimace to be honest.
I sit alone in my room, still hard, but now just sad and ashamed. I needed to drown it out.
Well, I still had weed, so I invite my friend from down the hall to come and smoke with me, to cheer me up after my abysmal humiliation.
"Dude, your room smells really bad like farts WTF " he says, as he opens my window.
That's when I decided to quit GOMAD. And weed.
What I learnt:
Hygiene trumps all. Cleanliness is important, and smell/taste are the most base human senses that override all emotions and logic. Don't be gross around girls, in fact, be hyper aware and vigilant about your breath, your BO, boogers up your nose or wax in your ears. You need to be super put together and clean, mentally and physically, for a girl to want to bang. Sure there are some girls (as above) who will give you a few free passes depending on how much they like you... but everyone has their limit.
Awh man, this one still hurts a lot, one of my biggest "cringe while you lay awake at night" memories. I still see her sometimes which is even worse, and all our interactions are awkward, mainly because I clam up and get all red and embarrassed around her, for good reason...
Girl 4: Holiday Thot
I mentioned in my previous post about how I went on holiday this summer and went to a resort filled with families. There were a few clubs and bars on the resort so at night I would go out alone and make some friends and game some girls and just try and make the most of it. It was a pretty swell time.
At this point I'd formed a group of friends I hung out with, mostly French bros that lifted and their bitchy girlfriends. We're at a bar and in walk a group of Dutch girls. They dance with us for a while, and the one that is giving me the eyes is pretty hot. She's got the curves without being fat, she's stacked as fuck, and most attractive of all, she has this long, natural, platinum blonde hair that you only see in a few girls in your lifetime if you don't live in a Nordic country.
So obviously, I game her, and I'm pretty good at it by this point too; I've failed countless times and learnt a lot of lessons and posted about them on this subreddit. I know what I'm doing and it all goes swimmingly, until I find out one thing; she's 16. (I'm 22)
Fuck. She's still just a kid. Obviously she's got a woman's body and is smoking hot, but I'm not going there. Not worth it.
I mention this to my french friend. He says "so what"
"What do you mean, 'so what'? That's illegal!" I say.
"No it's not." He says. "The age of consent here is 15"
"What? No way"
I look it up. Yep, the law of the land on the small european party island I was on said it's totally cool to fuck 15 year olds, even as an adult. Pretty fucked up if you ask me.
I check. And double check again. I even posted a question on the countries' subreddit. I get downvoted and shamed, but get my answer.
"Wait so I can fuck this girl and it will be totally legal?"
"Yes" says everyone.
The cogs start turning in my head.
On the one hand, this girl is still just a kid and I shouldn't really take advantage of her like that. We are in completely different stages in our lives after all.
On the other hand, I've learnt from heavy experience that she's as developed now physically and emotionally as she'll ever be (the 18-21 year old girls I fuck behave pretty much the same as the 16 year olds I fucked when I was a teenager. Girls don't really mature past their teen years, they just get more responsibility).
And she's totally into me, it seems consensual to me. I mean, she was at a bar, drinking, and dancing with different guys. She knew exactly what she was doing.
And, let's be honest, the main driving force here was: I am getting older, to the point where it will be weird for me to even interact with girls this age soon, there will probably never be another opportunity for me to fuck prime teen pussy like this ever again in my life. I never got to fuck girls this hot when I was 16, they were all screwing older guys.
Well I'm the older guy now, and I should take this opportunity to fulfil the fantasy before I never get it again.
She might even call me daddy or some shit and it could actually work without being too forced, what with the age gap and difference in maturity.
So I decided I'll go for it.
The next night, she's all over me again, and buying herself and her friends drinks at the bar (European party island, they didn't give a shit). I put no drinks in her and she's pretty drunk and hanging onto me all night. It's kinda hot, she follows and I lead and she's bouncy and cute about it. I totally get why some people like the age-dynamic thing, she made me feel so important and powerful. Never experienced or understood it until now.
Anyway I've learnt my lesson now, strike while the iron is hot. I tell her I'm going out to buy cigarettes, she says "I'll come with you".
Damn, this slut really want some of this older chad dick. She probably has 16 year old orbiter nerds back in high school who think she's some pure innocent angel who wouldn't do shit like this. Whatever, AWALT after all. I've come to accept it.
I "conveniently" realise I'm out of cash and need to grab some from my room. She hops along with me, eagerly.
We get to the apartment blocks, we enter the elevator to go to my floor. It's the dead of night, silent. The elevator is pretty grimey, the light is buzzing and flickering. I feel like I'm in some kind of Film Noir.
She's looking up at me with her huge doe eyes; I know what this look is, I've seen it countless times before and have learnt what it means. Successful guys here will know what I mean, it's the "kiss me" eyes.
It's silent. We just stare at each other.
I do nothing.
It's getting awkward.
I start panicking and wrestling with myself in my head. Do I really do this? (Yes do it faggot) She's 16. (And smoking hot). This is wrong. (She's not stupid, she knows what she wants). What if I'm wrong and this goes horribly? (Perfectly legal apparently). I shouldn't even be alone with her like this. (Stop being a pussy and just do it).
I've hamstered myself into paralysis. This has happened to me before, and I've learnt to catch it. The only way is to just be drastic and go for something crazy.
I'm about to go in for the kiss.
The elevator dings. The door opens.
We stare at each other.
The moment's passed.
She leaves the elevator.
I am dejected.
I tell her to wait outside my room as I grab some cash. Second opportunity, wasted.
We take the elevator down again, this time we chat as normal, there's no sexual tension anymore.
She doesn't come with me to buy cigarettes, instead she returns to the bar.
I sit outside in the middle of the night and chain-smoke a pack, beating myself up for fucking it up, but wondering whether it was a mistake at all and maybe I did the right thing. Maybe I was subconsciously holding myself back, morally, maybe I'd finally learnt to control my own sexual urges and do the right thing.
Or maybe I was just an anxious pussy who didn't have the spine to kiss a girl. She had regressed me back to my 16 year old self.
We don't really talk or interact after that.
A few days later, I see her aggressively making out with one of the French guys I hung out with. He was 25. He took her back at the end of the night.
I get angry and ashamed just thinking about it.
Honestly, I could keep going with all the times I've fucked up this bad. These are some of the worst but there are even worse ones I won't write here because they are either too embarassing or give away too much personal information, but really, you get the point. Even though I've ascended to the pinnacle of TRP Chad godhood now, banging 10s every day and getting bored of it, drinking Incel tears, I had to get there by fucking up, making mistakes, embarrassing myself and being an utter loser a lot of the time. Failure has been an huge part of my life. I've flunked out of school too many times, I've performed in front of people and got laughed at, I've been fired from jobs, I've puked on people I wanna bang.
These were all incredibly imporant to my journey of development as a man, without them, I would never have learnt the lessons that took me to where I am now. I have given you a few of my highlights, really, to try and put a lot of you at ease who still cringe about the stupid shit they've done and the times they've wasted opportunities and years of their lives.
I'm sure I'll make a lot more mistakes in the future, in fact I fully intend to and I'm ready for them. No one is perfect and I still have a long journey of self-actualisation left ahead of me, as do we all.
It's still possible to improve and grow, no matter how stupid you were in the past. The important thing is not to dwell on failure and let it negatively impact your future endeavours, instead learn from those mistakes.
You cannot change the past, all you can do is look back at it and laugh, even if it hurts.
Now it's your turn, as Peterson says, if you have memories that still make you cringe or cry, don't bury them away; grab a diary, write them down, meditate on them, and you'll find it's easier to accept and let go.
Failure is an integral part of human experience you, cannot avoid it.
Learn from your mistakes, use them to influence your future actions
Learn to laugh at and accept your past failures
Analyse your mistakes and failures qualitatively, with a pen and paper, write down what happened, where you went wrong, and how you will avoid it in the future.
Do not hamster away IOIs with your anxiety and low self-esteem
Strike while the iron is hot, the moment won't always be there
Make sure you have the logistics in place to seal the deal
Women are fickle and will change their minds, you are not guaranteed the bang until you're actually inside her
Stop being gross and be hyper aware of your hygiene, women understand the importance of it, you should too
Women pretty much reach their maturity peak at 16-18 and never really improve from there, they just get more money and more wrinkles