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FR: My Worst Fuckups (self.askTRP)

submitted by Heathcliff--

One of the biggest mistakes I see a lot of the guys on here make is their utter fear of failure and hamstering to support why it's okay. They do not put themselves out there because they are terrified of rejection and the shame that comes with it, or, we have the guys who have fucked up in some way with a girl and didn't get the lay, or got ghosted, and they stress about it for a long time, getting emotionally shook and posting 50 threads on asktrp demanding to know what they did wrong.


To Fail is to Learn


Failure is a huge part of life, so you need to stop being so terrified by it. It may seem like the worst thing in the world, the shame, the humiliation, the hit to the ego; but without failure, you would have no way to learn what works and what doesn't, no lessons to teach you where to improve, no signposts to direct you in the right way.

If you want to be good at something, you have to be willing to suck at it first.

This goes for everything in your life, skills, hobbies, career, social interactions. I was a horrible guitar player for years before I could play a song anyone recognised. I could barely bench the bar when I first started lifting. I was a social aspie for most of my life, failing almost every interaction I had with people, before I started figuring out what works and what doesn't. I had to fail time and time again in social situations (and embarrass myself profusely) in order to learn how to traverse them; and I did, it's a skill that can be picked up and practised. I wrote two whole posts on that shit; if you're still having trouble talking to strangers and making friends, check out them out in my post history.

Failure itself never hurts as much as you anticipate it. The fear of failure and the anxiety that comes with it is always so much worse than when it actually happens. It never hurts as bad as you think it will. The dishes always take much quicker to clean than you thought they would.


Ecsatic Relief


The first time I asked out a girl I was 14. I had worked up the courage to do it for weeks, and was so incredibly nervous I was cold sweating and stuttering when I did so. She rejected me, politely.

I was elated. It was the happiest I had been in a long, long time. It didn't make any sense, my crush had just shot me down, yet I was bouncing around with a big grin on my face.

Why? Because the weight had been lifted. I'd got the answer. I could move on and stop stressing about it. No longer did I have to think "what if".

Having the balls to make a move on a girl and getting a "no" is infinitely better on your psyche than wondering what could have been for the rest of your life. Grow a backbone and just do it, the rejection is never so bad. I'm sure you can all think back to a time where you got shut down by a girl and didn't really care that much after, or even, felt much better. Internalise that. This is how you should approach failure.


But still, I won't be able to logic most of you guys out of your fear of failure; it's a deeply emotional and personal feeling, it seeps out of all the childhood scars and insecurities you carry with you. There's only really one way to get over your fear of failure, and that's to experience it first hand; to drown in it until it no longer cuts you as it used to, to drink the poison gradually until you are immune.

And still, even with that knowledge, a lot of you are too embarrassed or scared to put yourself out there, because you imagine your failures and humiliations to be so much worse than everyone else out there. You think other guys never fuck up as much you do (because you hyperfocus on your own failures and insecurities) or that they are never as shook by it as you are (because you imagine others to be emotionally stronger than you are).

So with that said, I will combat this with a nice bit of schadenfreude for you all. Here are the most potent fuckups, failures and idiot moments I remember. I will be brutally honest, and explain where and how I went wrong with my fuckups, and even more importantly, analyse what I learnt from those experiences.

So here we go, I may be be-lovingly endorsed and I may smash more pussy now than I can feasibly handle, but I was a stupid fucking kid for a long time (and still am), and you'll all know it now.


Girl 1: Lab Thot


In my first year of university, I paired up with one my buddies in the first Chemistry Lab session. A girl arrives late and sits with us, 5ft1 ish, short hair, tanned, hot in the kind of "instagram hoe" way, you know what I mean. He knows her from somewhere, I assume he's tapping that.

Now I'm an idiot kid at the time, I'd only just started reading TRP and hadn't fully understood or internalised it, and I was still pretty terrified of girls, I didn't know how to speak to them. She kept asking me questions. I brushed her off with one word answers, being too anxious to come up with anything witty or flirt back; I was incredibly aloof.

This was very attractive to her. She thought I was some dark mysterious guy who just wanted to focus on the work and wouldn't put up with her shit. In fact, I was malfunctioning on the inside, this was the hottest girl I'd come into contact with who didn't immediately sneer and ignore me. The anxiety was incredible.

This is a concept I've seen mentioned on here before, "The Accidental Alpha". When a guy is so aspergic with his social interactions that he actually comes across as cool, collected and masculine. He's not actually, but to women on the outside, they see these simulated attractive qualities and fall for it.

Over time I started hanging out with this girl at school a lot, going to classes together, etc, I thought we were "just friends". I thought there was NO WAY a girl this hot could be into me. I still thought that men and women could hang out platonically and be non-sexual friends. Obviously this is wrong, but I didn't know it at the time.

One day, she came over to my dorm so we could study for a test together. She was very dressed up, as if she was prepared for a date. I was in my gym clothes. I teased her about it. "I'm meeting a guy afterwards" she says. I believed her.

We studied for a while in the communal kitchen, then I mentioned going back to my room to take a break. I actually meant this, I was tired of studying. She heard "let's go back to my room to fuck".

She was down. "Yeah okay. But we're not having sex" she says.

"Of course not. Why would you say that?" I was confused.

Fucking idiot.

If a girl ever says those words to you out of the blue, it means she has been thinking about fucking you for a while. It's on her mind. She frames you as a sexual prospect.

We go to my room and lay on my bed. We start talking about relationships and sex.

Green flag number two. If conversation strays into that territory, she wants to fuck you.

I did nothing.

She shows me the guys she's flirting with at the moment. Trying to make me jealous. She shows me the nudes she sent these guys.

Fuck, this girl was showing me a picture of her naked body and I didn't get it.

I did nothing.

We start talking about the gym. She's a regular cardio bunny. She squats too. She can prove it as well.

She pulls her pants down to show me her ass, frilly thong and everything. It was a work of art. I was rock hard.

Still, I did nothing.

She pulls her pants back up, and we chat for a bit more. She says "the hottest sex I ever had was when the guy just grabbed me and fucked me, didn't wait or ask or anything".

At this point she is basically BEGGING me to make a move. She's been making solid passes at me this whole time, short of actually kissing me. Remember, women do not make OVERT attempts at escalating, they hint and hint and hint, opening themselves up to the opportunity for you to make the move; but they never commit to any final concrete action, that's YOUR job. As the man, it is YOUR responsibility to escalate.

I didn't. I didn't even understand why she was doing or saying these things. I thought she was just kind of eccentric and weird.

Fucking idiot.

Eventually she went home, I walked her to the bus stop. The atmosphere was really weird, she seemed quite angry, or disappointed. I didn't understand why.

Guess what. She came back the next day. Just as dressed up. We did the whole charade all over again, but this time I was getting quite suspicious, my inner logic was finally showing.

"Maybe this girl likes me?" I was almost there.

But then my anxiety won.

"No way. I'm a skinny nerd loser, she's smoking hot and fucks guys way bigger and cooler than me. We're just friends and I'm reading too much into it, some girls can just be a bit crazy and flirty like this. What if I make a move and she just laughs at me and tells everyone, that would be horrible!"

Fucking idiot.

After that second time, she stopped replying to my texts.


What I did wrong: I did not see the IOIs she was broadcasting at max capacity. This girl was showering me with "good-to-go" green flags and I just did not pick them up; or rather, I noticed them, but I did not understand them, or attribute them to what they actually meant. I had such low self-worth and self-image that I did not believe there was a world where a girl this attractive would actually be into me, so I saw every interaction with her through my idiot anxiety lens rather than a redpill lens, or the lens of the Real, of truth.

What I learnt: Accept IOIs for what they are, don't let your low self-esteem get in the way of obvious clues, girls can like you for crazy reasons you won't understand, so don't place your value in how you see yourself but instead on how others see you.

Also, don't be a fucking idiot and just make a move and see what happens.


Girl 2: Club Thot


A few years ago, I went with a few of my first year uni friends to a a famous nightclub in my city. Now I was never really the partying type, never really understood nightclubs or dancing, but I wanted to make friends and I wanted to get laid. The group I arrived in was mixed, and we had the one magic ingredient that every guy needs when entering a club: pre-selection. We were walking in with 9s and 10s and guys were hitting on the girls we were with pretty hard.

In comes a bouncy brunette with huge sparkly eyes and long straightened hair, sneaking her way into our place in the queue. Slim, short black dress and an insanely pretty, young face. Instantly, (for some reason) this girl was into me. She was very bouncy, chipper, I assumed at the time quite drunk.

Once again, the sperg inside me didn't understand what this girls deal with. I had never been opened by a girl before. I was aloof. I was speaking with the HB9 tall Californian I was quite close with instead. Club thot gets a bit vexed at this, asks "are you two a couple?". I brush the question off, my friend says nothing.

When we get inside I instantly leave the girls and go get a drink, the club thot follows me like a puppy. We dance for a bit, idk what I'm doing, but she's all smiles. I don't get it, this girl seems very into me. Why??

Well, I learnt my lesson from the previous girl. Fuck it, if she's into me I won't question it, I go for the kiss. She reciprocates eagerly. We make out on the dancefloor, and then the smoking area, my friends are there watching us and cheering me on.

Feelsgoodman.

We leave the club, it's the dead of winter now so it's freezing. She's in her short dress but doesn't seem to care. I'm shivering like a madman.

I'm going to take this girl home I think. Holy shit. I actually did it! I pulled a cute girl at a club, who the fuck said this was hard?

I have it in the bag. We walk around for a bit, we make out in an alley. She says "lol I'd never suck a guys dick in an alleyway" out of nowhere. I didn't understand why she said that, I do now; it was an invitation for me to make her. I didn't. (Probably a good idea anyway, no way I would have got hard in the sub-zero temperature).

She lifts up her dress and shows me her thong; fuck. This girl really wants to get laid. Okay, I say, let's get the bus to my dorms.

We wonder around for 20 mins looking for a bus stop. I notice her gradually losing her chipperness and interest, she gets less bouncy, less energetic.

We wait at the bus stop, she is quiet now. I don't see it. With a big stupid grin on my face, I assume I still have it in the bag.

3 stops into the journey, she gets up and exits the bus without saying anything to me. I never saw her again.


What I did wrong: I assumed that just because a girl was into me at the start, she would remain interested. I had low investment, and didn't continue to game the girl throughout the night like I should have. I also did not have the logistics in place to bring a girl back to my place, I didn't know how to get home quick enough, and I wasted a lot of time wondering around. Not once did I consider the idea of getting a fucking cab back. Idiot. It would have been a small price to pay for the crazy wild pornstar sex that girl would have given me.

I realise now, after a few years of doing drugs myself, that this girl was most likely hopped up on MDMA or Coke, and was coming down just as we got on the bus. She probably realised the mistake she was making and bailed last minute, which was likely a very good shout for her, because I was a stupid idiot kid and wouldn't have been able to fuck her the way she wanted me to anyway. I cringe all the time thinking about how I was this girls "mistake" and her friends probably rib her for it, I'm the loser they make fun of her about. Ouch.

What I learnt: Strike while the iron is hot, the girl will not always have the same level of investment and attraction; and have the logistics in place to quickly bring a girl back and get to the fucking. Every minute you waste getting home and getting sober makes her less and less attracted to you.


Girl 3: MPDG Thot


So a year or so later, I'm scrolling through facebook and I see a picture of one of my friends tagged in with a group. With him is a girl with purpley/pink hair in a skater dress, bright smile, crazy eyes, extremely beautiful. I think, "wow, I wonder what kind of guy get girls like that".

Skip forward a few months and somehow I've ended up in the position where she's hanging out with me and my friends. This girl is the stereotypical "reinvent yourself at college, have a few breakdowns and dye your hair stupid colours, experiment with drugs and fuck a few too many guys" manic pixie dream girl. I was into it. She had this whole bohemian tortured "I travelled europe on my gap year and read Kafka" look to her.

She liked me, I could tell, we would hang out one on one together but I'd be too scared to make a move; but hey, at least this was an improvement from the last girl, as least I was picking up on the IOIs now; it was just a case of not having the balls to capitalise on them.

Anyway, at this point in my life, I had got incredibly tired of being a skinny fuck, and I'd finally started taking the TRP advice of LIFTING. However, I was making next to no progress, I eventually realised it was because my diet was shit and I just wasn't taking in enough calories at all. I was having one or two huge meals a day, instead of consistent small meals throughout and snacking like I should have.

I desperately needed to stop being a spooky skeleton, so I took some drastic measures. GOMAD and mass gainer was my plan, as well as dirty bulking at McDonalds and the like.

I'm sure you know where this is going.

At one point I was hanging out with this girl and another guy, we were looking at apartments together. That morning I'd forced down a mass gainer shake with whole milk, a huge protein filled breakfast, another glass of milk, some McDonalds later on, and then another milkshake after the gym.

I was feeling kind of woozy, my bowels were really twisting and turning, we were in an apartment block, returning from a viewing, and suddenly out of nowhere, I threw up everything I'd eaten that day right at their feet (the estate agent who was with us included). It would have been funny except for the fact that I wouldn't stop throwing up, there was loads of it, and it smelt absolutely horrible. They all started to retch and hold back their own puke, and we all ran out of there quickly. It was like a scene out of a teenage slapstick comedy. The girl and my friend found it quite funny and disgusting at the same time, the estate agent was horrified, I'd thrown up all over the block of flats he'd supposed to be taking people to view, and I sure as heck wasn't in any position to clean that shit up.

I still think about it to this day, people actually lived there and I was just the phantom chunderer who stank up their homes in the middle of 30 degree summer.

Mad cringe bros. I'm so ashamed.

And I did this in front of the girl I wanted to fuck too.

....

But guess what. Amazingly, this did not deter her.

Amazingly, she still wanted to hang out with me one-on-one anyway.

For some mad reason, she was still into me.

Whatever. Some women will apparently look past these kinds of things if you're Chad enough.

So I invite her round to my place to smoke weed, this time intending to actually fuck her.

But this is during the year in my life where 1) I am incredibly depressed and anxious and 2) I'm habitually smoking weed every hour of the day (hmmm, I wonder if there's any correlation).

So I know she's coming, but I don't really make any real effort to get ready. I don't clean my room or change clothes, I don't shower or shave, I just smoke weed. I figured to myself "well, I'm so redpilled and alpha and attractive, she'll be into me no matter what I look like". Plus, if she could still stand me after I threw up a sewer in front of her, I couldn't do any worse right?

Wrong.

She arrives and it's all downhill from there.

Firstly, we smoke weed and I get to that stupid level of high where you can't really talk properly and everything you say is dumb. I have no game, none of my normal witty banter and things are just kind of quiet and awkward.

Secondly, I'm unshowered and greasy, and all the GOMAD is making my skin break out.

Thirdly, my room is a real fucking mess. I haven't cleaned it in over a month at least. When Jordan Peterson says a cluttered room is a sign of a cluttered life he's absolutely correct, my life was a mess at that time, and the floordrobe and strewn take out boxes and old food was a testament to that.

But, amazingly, incredibly, this girl still ended up naked in my room. I have no idea how, well, I kind of do; she'd been through 3 different hair colours and 2 suicide attempts in the time I'd known her; this girl was just as mentally damaged as I was. Still though, she put up with a lot of shit to get at my dick, I have no idea what was so special about it.

Anyway we didn't make out much cos she didn't seem too into it, I realise now it was probably because my breath was horrifically bad; it's what shitty weed and old tobacco does to your mouth. The universe (or God's) way of telling me to quit the habit, punishing me even.

So she takes my pants off and is about to go down on me; it's all kind of mechanical and there's no real energy or excitement to the whole encounter. Then I think, hmm, I should be polite.

"One sec I'm gonna go wash up my dick"

"What why"

"Well if you're gonna be sucking on it it might as well be clean"

"Um okay" She says.

I go to the bathroom and wash up, grinning at myself stupidly for somehow managing to bag the gorgeous girl I saw on FB that one time. Well done stud.

I return to my room and she's all dressed with her handbag on her shoulder.

"Where are you going" I say.

"Um, I'm supposed to be somewhere and I'm kind of late".

My heart drops. I understood instantly. I'm not THAT deluded.

"Okay" I say. I'm not gonna push it. I know when I've lost.

She leaves with a polite smile, but more a grimace to be honest.

I sit alone in my room, still hard, but now just sad and ashamed. I needed to drown it out.

Well, I still had weed, so I invite my friend from down the hall to come and smoke with me, to cheer me up after my abysmal humiliation.

"Dude, your room smells really bad like farts WTF " he says, as he opens my window.

Fuck.

That's when I decided to quit GOMAD. And weed.

What I learnt:

Hygiene trumps all. Cleanliness is important, and smell/taste are the most base human senses that override all emotions and logic. Don't be gross around girls, in fact, be hyper aware and vigilant about your breath, your BO, boogers up your nose or wax in your ears. You need to be super put together and clean, mentally and physically, for a girl to want to bang. Sure there are some girls (as above) who will give you a few free passes depending on how much they like you... but everyone has their limit.

Awh man, this one still hurts a lot, one of my biggest "cringe while you lay awake at night" memories. I still see her sometimes which is even worse, and all our interactions are awkward, mainly because I clam up and get all red and embarrassed around her, for good reason...


Girl 4: Holiday Thot


I mentioned in my previous post about how I went on holiday this summer and went to a resort filled with families. There were a few clubs and bars on the resort so at night I would go out alone and make some friends and game some girls and just try and make the most of it. It was a pretty swell time.

At this point I'd formed a group of friends I hung out with, mostly French bros that lifted and their bitchy girlfriends. We're at a bar and in walk a group of Dutch girls. They dance with us for a while, and the one that is giving me the eyes is pretty hot. She's got the curves without being fat, she's stacked as fuck, and most attractive of all, she has this long, natural, platinum blonde hair that you only see in a few girls in your lifetime if you don't live in a Nordic country.

So obviously, I game her, and I'm pretty good at it by this point too; I've failed countless times and learnt a lot of lessons and posted about them on this subreddit. I know what I'm doing and it all goes swimmingly, until I find out one thing; she's 16. (I'm 22)

Fuck. She's still just a kid. Obviously she's got a woman's body and is smoking hot, but I'm not going there. Not worth it.

I mention this to my french friend. He says "so what"

"What do you mean, 'so what'? That's illegal!" I say.

"No it's not." He says. "The age of consent here is 15"

"What? No way"

I look it up. Yep, the law of the land on the small european party island I was on said it's totally cool to fuck 15 year olds, even as an adult. Pretty fucked up if you ask me.

I check. And double check again. I even posted a question on the countries' subreddit. I get downvoted and shamed, but get my answer.

"Wait so I can fuck this girl and it will be totally legal?"

"Yes" says everyone.

The cogs start turning in my head.

On the one hand, this girl is still just a kid and I shouldn't really take advantage of her like that. We are in completely different stages in our lives after all.

On the other hand, I've learnt from heavy experience that she's as developed now physically and emotionally as she'll ever be (the 18-21 year old girls I fuck behave pretty much the same as the 16 year olds I fucked when I was a teenager. Girls don't really mature past their teen years, they just get more responsibility).

And she's totally into me, it seems consensual to me. I mean, she was at a bar, drinking, and dancing with different guys. She knew exactly what she was doing.

And, let's be honest, the main driving force here was: I am getting older, to the point where it will be weird for me to even interact with girls this age soon, there will probably never be another opportunity for me to fuck prime teen pussy like this ever again in my life. I never got to fuck girls this hot when I was 16, they were all screwing older guys.

Well I'm the older guy now, and I should take this opportunity to fulfil the fantasy before I never get it again.

She might even call me daddy or some shit and it could actually work without being too forced, what with the age gap and difference in maturity.

So I decided I'll go for it.

The next night, she's all over me again, and buying herself and her friends drinks at the bar (European party island, they didn't give a shit). I put no drinks in her and she's pretty drunk and hanging onto me all night. It's kinda hot, she follows and I lead and she's bouncy and cute about it. I totally get why some people like the age-dynamic thing, she made me feel so important and powerful. Never experienced or understood it until now.

Anyway I've learnt my lesson now, strike while the iron is hot. I tell her I'm going out to buy cigarettes, she says "I'll come with you".

Damn, this slut really want some of this older chad dick. She probably has 16 year old orbiter nerds back in high school who think she's some pure innocent angel who wouldn't do shit like this. Whatever, AWALT after all. I've come to accept it.

I "conveniently" realise I'm out of cash and need to grab some from my room. She hops along with me, eagerly.

We get to the apartment blocks, we enter the elevator to go to my floor. It's the dead of night, silent. The elevator is pretty grimey, the light is buzzing and flickering. I feel like I'm in some kind of Film Noir.

She's looking up at me with her huge doe eyes; I know what this look is, I've seen it countless times before and have learnt what it means. Successful guys here will know what I mean, it's the "kiss me" eyes.

It's silent. We just stare at each other.

I do nothing.

It's getting awkward.

I start panicking and wrestling with myself in my head. Do I really do this? (Yes do it faggot) She's 16. (And smoking hot). This is wrong. (She's not stupid, she knows what she wants). What if I'm wrong and this goes horribly? (Perfectly legal apparently). I shouldn't even be alone with her like this. (Stop being a pussy and just do it).

I've hamstered myself into paralysis. This has happened to me before, and I've learnt to catch it. The only way is to just be drastic and go for something crazy.

I'm about to go in for the kiss.

The elevator dings. The door opens.

We stare at each other.

The moment's passed.

Fuck.

She leaves the elevator.

I am dejected.

I tell her to wait outside my room as I grab some cash. Second opportunity, wasted.

We take the elevator down again, this time we chat as normal, there's no sexual tension anymore.

She doesn't come with me to buy cigarettes, instead she returns to the bar.

I sit outside in the middle of the night and chain-smoke a pack, beating myself up for fucking it up, but wondering whether it was a mistake at all and maybe I did the right thing. Maybe I was subconsciously holding myself back, morally, maybe I'd finally learnt to control my own sexual urges and do the right thing.

Or maybe I was just an anxious pussy who didn't have the spine to kiss a girl. She had regressed me back to my 16 year old self.

We don't really talk or interact after that.

A few days later, I see her aggressively making out with one of the French guys I hung out with. He was 25. He took her back at the end of the night.

I get angry and ashamed just thinking about it.

Idiot.


Conclusion


Honestly, I could keep going with all the times I've fucked up this bad. These are some of the worst but there are even worse ones I won't write here because they are either too embarassing or give away too much personal information, but really, you get the point. Even though I've ascended to the pinnacle of TRP Chad godhood now, banging 10s every day and getting bored of it, drinking Incel tears, I had to get there by fucking up, making mistakes, embarrassing myself and being an utter loser a lot of the time. Failure has been an huge part of my life. I've flunked out of school too many times, I've performed in front of people and got laughed at, I've been fired from jobs, I've puked on people I wanna bang.

These were all incredibly imporant to my journey of development as a man, without them, I would never have learnt the lessons that took me to where I am now. I have given you a few of my highlights, really, to try and put a lot of you at ease who still cringe about the stupid shit they've done and the times they've wasted opportunities and years of their lives.

I'm sure I'll make a lot more mistakes in the future, in fact I fully intend to and I'm ready for them. No one is perfect and I still have a long journey of self-actualisation left ahead of me, as do we all.

It's still possible to improve and grow, no matter how stupid you were in the past. The important thing is not to dwell on failure and let it negatively impact your future endeavours, instead learn from those mistakes.

You cannot change the past, all you can do is look back at it and laugh, even if it hurts.

Now it's your turn, as Peterson says, if you have memories that still make you cringe or cry, don't bury them away; grab a diary, write them down, meditate on them, and you'll find it's easier to accept and let go.


Lessons Learned:

Failure

  • Failure is an integral part of human experience you, cannot avoid it.

  • Learn from your mistakes, use them to influence your future actions

  • Learn to laugh at and accept your past failures

  • Analyse your mistakes and failures qualitatively, with a pen and paper, write down what happened, where you went wrong, and how you will avoid it in the future.

Game

  • Do not hamster away IOIs with your anxiety and low self-esteem

  • Strike while the iron is hot, the moment won't always be there

  • Make sure you have the logistics in place to seal the deal

  • Women are fickle and will change their minds, you are not guaranteed the bang until you're actually inside her

  • Stop being gross and be hyper aware of your hygiene, women understand the importance of it, you should too

  • Women pretty much reach their maturity peak at 16-18 and never really improve from there, they just get more money and more wrinkles


[–]aegir98 116 points117 points  (4 children)

The first story was really painful to read.

[–]_MysticFox 1 points1 points [recovered]

I did the same shit just last year

[–]aegir98 15 points16 points  (1 child)

He must be really good looking.

[–]Self-honest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You make a strong impression on them, they will love you for no other reason.

[–]420KUSHBUSH 63 points64 points  (1 child)

Still, I did nothing.

A moment of silence for /u/Heathcliff--

Really though at least you learned they hint at it instead of outright saying it 99% of the time due to fear of rejection

[–]strikethrough123 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Damn dude, this was a solid post. It's very rare that we see someone talk about their mistakes and their insight as to how they learned from them. Posts like these are 10x more valuable than "Went to bar, took girl home, AWALT". Now we can all learn from your mistakes, kudos.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

I wonder what he said when she's LITERALLY SHOWING HIM HER ASS. Like..."uh, very nice"

[–]popcornready14 43 points44 points  (1 child)

My worst one was,

First year away at college, girl invites me to her place, in her room...

I proceed to play games on her computer instead of getting down to business.

I was such a dumb kid and was the cliche "Mr.Nice Guy"

Sure it sucks I missed out on that, but it really changed me as a man later on when I realized what I was doing wrong.

[–]almostshredded 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Fuck man so much cringe, reminds me of my high-school days... Fucking cringe worthy. Shit hurts lol

[–]Casanova-Quinn 25 points26 points  (1 child)

You need to be super put together and clean

It's crazy how many guys walk around looking like slobs. Good grooming and dressing is the easiest way to boost your attractiveness. To quote the former GQ style guy Glenn O'Brien, "If we’re created in the image of God, do you really want to put on a Steelers jersey?"

[–]Reefer-eyed_Beans 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Completely different context but it still works pretty well actually...

[–]Self-honest 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly it's not worse than the dark side of things. Still, it sucks when you realize how brainwashed you were to ignore such obvious opportunity.

[–]MyReddit6 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Girl I had a crush on in college invited me and our close friends out for her birthday. She was wearing a white gown and loving the attention. Super tiny, petite Asian girl with a bubbly, extroverted personality.

She kept asking me to show her "where the bathroom was" ... and I just didn't get it. I was like "we've been here a thousand times, you know where it is."

"No, but I want YOU to SHOW me!"

I remember leaving because I was pissed I struck out with a different girl, and now my friends are acting dumb and pretending they don't know where the bathroom is... as soon as I left the bar I realized my mistake with the sobering smack of the cold winter air.

BTW - what was the island?

[–]1sezamus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an European I assume that was Ibiza (party hard) or Mallorca (Party & Relax) and eventually Zakyntos (Greece) or Malta.

[–]_MysticFox 1 points1 points [recovered]

Dude, I've had the exact same fuckups and more and I'm about the same age. When did you feel like you had enough value to get a girl?

[–]Blakrov 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Me too. Been like this for almost two years, despite being a HVM working at a resort at one point. I can't stop hating myself, and past failures make me hate myself even more and stop me from just doing it. Feelsbadman

[–]greatamericancities 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Hating yourself is just another form of self-importance. It allows you to think you're not motivated by focusing just on yourself, which is an advantage compared to thinking you are just peachy.

Start by taking the long view, like some NASA scientist type: You are just one organism from one species wandering around the surface of one planet in a massive universe. Your existence doesn't matter at all to the universe at large.

Once you internalize the unimportance of your existence and you are able to take an objective view of things, then re-approach yourself and your situation. Are you really that bad? Are your circumstances really that bad? How can either be bad when they don't matter much (in the grand scheme of things)?

[–]greatamericancities 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hating yourself is just another form of self-importance. It allows you to think you're not motivated by focusing just on yourself, which is an advantage compared to thinking you are just peachy.

Start by taking the long view, like some NASA scientist type: You are just one organism from one species wandering around the surface of one planet in a massive universe. Your existence doesn't matter at all to the universe at large.

Once you internalize the unimportance of your existence and you are able to take an objective view of things, then re-approach yourself and your situation. Are you really that bad? Are your circumstances really that bad? How can either be bad when they don't matter much (in the grand scheme of things)?

[–]Throwawaysteve123456 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Really really great read. So much to learn from these experiences.

[–]DannyDionysus 1 points1 points [recovered]

Great post mate.

It reminds me of when I was (very) new to TRP principles and just getting out of Nice Guy mode and I escalated from teasing this girl I was seeing to straight up insulting her, making fun of her face, etc (she had bad acne as a kid). Poor girl started crying. "Treat em mean, keep em keen", I thought. Lmao.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My first post TRP date was a girl from my social circle. I was way out of her league but still learning, still deep in anger phase and still working through low self esteem. I just treated her so badly but with total plausible deniability the whole date. It kind of worked but fuck she hated me and she hated herself.

[–]domoli 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Good post, lots of insight. Which euro party island would you recommend? I was considering Mallorca, ever been?

[–]Tahirio 1 points1 points [recovered]

Heard a lot of wild shit usually going down in Magaluf. Going there this summer with the gang.

[–]AdamNJH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, garenteed lays there if you have a shred of game.

[–]Imadethisforyeezys -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Youre a true lad: you have to hang out in a park and drink alcohol while harrassing random women passing by. You and your mates have to all wear chinos of course.

[–]The_Phoenecian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing man, great to hear I wasn’t the only kid who would accidentally pull based on cluelessness and dumb luck and then have no idea what to do from there.

My worst happened in college. We threw a huge party at my place, I was up on the balcony with the DJ watching the riff raff dance below, and all of a sudden i spot the girl of my dreams (at the time). Probably 5’8”, super skinny brunette with a choker and the whole subtle goth look going on. In my inebriation I run down, grab this girl’s arm and say “we need to talk.” She compiles, comes with me to my room, where we proceed to hit the slopes and talk for hours. This girl is just so fucking hot and i can’t stop talking to her because it’s a great excuse to look at her face up close on my bed. But that’s all I did: talk. 5am rolls around and she says she’s tired and she wants to go back to her place. I say ok, I’ll walk with you I need to pick up some things from the store. She hits me with the infamous “ok, but we’re not having sex.” If only I’d known how to unpack that statement. I walk her back, we sit next to each other on a bench outside her place and talk for another hour (!!!) and then she goes up and I fuck myself back home. Had I been RP aware back then I would have played this chick like a game of checkers and had some amazing memories and mental images to fall back on next time I’m with a girl that I’m not exactly thrilled about. Live and learn. She was banging and I was a clueless boy in a man’s body.

Also I cracked up at the story about you boking all over the apt complex. Good shit.

[–]2Dmva100 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My balls are blue from reading this. We've all been there bro. This will help alot of new guys here to TRP.

Always go for the bang!

The 'relief' you speak of from confirming the lack of interest due to a failed cold approach is the SAME relief you will have after you have tried to push through LMR forever and she physically removes herself and storms out the door. It speaks volumes too when you find a girl who give no LMR and is actually jumping your bones and you both can't get your clothes off fast enough.

Don't let it affect you. Abundance mentality, never stop building your options.

[–]cozzdad 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Always do the thing that scares you, and the death of fear will be certain.

[–]Greek-God-Brody 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a concept I've seen mentioned on here before, "The Accidental Alpha". When a guy is so aspergic with his social interactions that he actually comes across as cool, collected and masculine. He's not actually, but to women on the outside, they see these simulated attractive qualities and fall for it.

Can relate. That's how I got my first girlfriend at 25. I was unphased by her shit tests and didn't react to them. Passed them one by one, not due to self-confidence, but by responding briefly/shortly to her tests, cause I was afraid to express my opinions.

I wasn't a very talkative guy by nature, and she somehow interpreted that being mysterious or having inner power.

[–]GameofRhodes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first one literally happened to me freshmen year lol. She was sitting on my bed asking for it and I’m totally clueless. We talk and I walk her back to her dorm... lol

[–]broek_325 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did almost the exact same thing as you. When I was about 16 had a hot girl come back to mine after college, she layed on my bed and told me she liked to sleep in her birthday suit... I had no game, no escalation, nothing, and still managed to get her on my bed and fuck it up.

I didn’t even go for a kiss let alone anything more. She stole my jumper and went home.

Hardest cringe of my life. Funny looking back on it though.

[–]justcallmetarzan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Here's mine:

First semester of undergrad; I had just finished AP calc in high school and this girl I knew through a couple classes was taking (and struggling in) calculus.

10 PM I get an instant message asking me to come to her dorm and help her with her calculus. I show up and she invites me to lay on her (twin long) bed with her. I did. And I showed her exactly what she was doing wrong and how to properly set up her equations to do her calculus homework. And then I left.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Man I can relate to these fuckups so much lol

[–]Sanctusary 1 point2 points  (7 children)

whats the best response when a girl says "We're not going to have sex"

Its an obvious frame attack, I'm just curious what some classic trp responses are

[–]enadelb 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You say, “you need to get your mind out of the gutter” with a sly grin and a laugh and then you slap her ass.

[–]Greek-God-Brody 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say it's a frame attack. More like her rationalizing to herself that she's not a slut and taking the responsability off her. So the next morning, the story she'll tell herself is that it just happened.

One great response is: "Don't worry, we won't do anything that's uncomfortable or unpleasurable to any of us". Which is actually the truth. Cause she'll enjoy the sex.

[–]11-Eleven-11 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tease her about it being on her mind.

edit: ive never been in situatition so im not sure. just what i would do.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler -1 points0 points  (2 children)

You say nothing and let it hang in the air. If this makes you too nerveous, just say 'ok'. The point is to give her plausable deniability, and leave your responsible for what happens. If you say something, it can backfire.

But truth is, if she's into your frame and you are confident and laid back, at this point you can say anything and still get laid. But this comes with experience. I used some lines that could be the kiss of death for many, such as 'that's it, I'm sending you home', or 'maybe you're not, but I'm gonna masturbate either way'. Still worked.

[–]Sanctusary -1 points0 points  (1 child)

hahahahahahaha

That makes total sense.

Whats the funniest thing you've said and still gotten laid afterwards?

[–]aDrunkenWhaler -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think the line with masturbating. But I usually keep my mouth shut and smile, then change the subject.

[–]rocacu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We wouldn't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

[–]noosand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I loved this post, it was so relatable it’s uncanny. Makes me want to actually start posting to TRP instead of lurking full time. Saved this post lol

[–]ABM35 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And how old are you right now op?

[–]Thephilhouse 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A girl once told me a story about how she was on a date with had been dating for a while but hadnt really done anything with about their christmas shopping.

He said that he had got his dad some kind of pheasant (like maybe a taxidermy one or something idk).

Later in the date she said they should go back to his and he could show her his pheasant ;).

Apparently he proceeded to show her and discuss his dads present for around 25 minutes until she got up, left and got the bus.

He texted her the next day as if everything was normal. She didn't reply.

This stuff is real.

[–]Guthix4Days 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i could show you my pheasant ;)

[–]3nebder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

jfc man, thanks for adding some mirth and merriment to my Sunday morning. I chuckled and giggled like a fucking schoolgirl.

I’ve fucked up plenty. My biggest advice from personal experience is that too much alcohol ruins your social calibration. I got cheeked when I went for a kiss not too long ago. I thought I swatted down the “I’m seeing someone” test, got her number and then went for the kiss. She was not having any part of that.

Really I was drunk and she gave me her number to get me off her back. Easiest way for her to blow me off is to give a number then ignore me at a later date.

[–]Fabel789 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are a awesome writer man.

[–]SlyRy95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was feeling kind of woozy, my bowels were really twisting and turning, we were in an apartment block, returning from a viewing, and suddenly out of nowhere, I threw up everything I'd eaten that day right at their feet (the estate agent who was with us included). It would have been funny except for the fact that I wouldn't stop throwing up, there was loads of it, and it smelt absolutely horrible. They all started to retch and hold back their own puke, and we all ran out of there quickly. It was like a scene out of a teenage slapstick comedy. The girl and my friend found it quite funny and disgusting at the same time, the estate agent was horrified, I'd thrown up all over the block of flats he'd supposed to be taking people to view, and I sure as heck wasn't in any position to clean that shit up.

https://youtu.be/Q5UG7ISJfP0?t=36

[–]DamnDirtyApe87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was very entertaining to read, thanks OP

[–]free_stevenavery 0 points1 point  (5 children)

You're a great writer man, really enjoyed reading all the stories, which I identify myself with.

Also, what if I still want to have something with a girl that I made mistakes, just like you did in those cases? Is it worth trying to go for her again?

[–]rationalityiskey 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Regarding your question, if this isn't hypothetical I believe we're in the same boat. I was RP aware for a short while before I asked for this girl's number last year, went on a few dates and now somehow I ended in a position where I'm sort of her friend but not really, and yes with mistakes after mistakes, I essentially friendzoned myself for a whole year. I recently finally couldn't stand it and decided to call it quits with my Oneitis (this was after a rejection and my turning suicidal due to my depression and anxiety). My biggest mistake was catching Oneitis again and the whole thing went downhill from there.

Now I didn't terminate my relationship with that girl completely, but I also made it very clear that I'm not interested in being a friend. It's awkward as hell, but fuck it. I hang around her workplace because I actually enjoy going there and hang out with our mutual friends. There are one other girl I'm currently interested in, and I fully intend to keep going for both just to have options, and I keep my hopes down.

I think in both our cases, it's worth it to try going for her again, but it's important to remember a few things. First, treat it as an experiment, an experience to help us learn to Game better. Expect no results -- in fact, expect to fail. Second, have other options prepared. Don't limit ourselves to just one girl. So yes, if you really feel like going for her again, do it, there will certainly be benefits to your growth even if you fail, just don't start to think that she is the One.

Since you seem to be in a similar situation, I'd be very interested to hear your story and how it goes from here, if you do decide to proceed.

[–]free_stevenavery 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I was not aware of TRP content on that time, tbh I am newfag here. She was new on the school (some kind of technical course, very common in my place), and I begin talking to her, we start to spend a lot of time together like going to the course, the intervals, the way back home.

Thing is that just after like 2 months I tried something, and she denies my kiss. We still continue to be very close friends, but it was very obvious that we wanted each other. In resume, I had a lot of opportunities and missed all of them, until she got tired of me, I realised it and kind of ghosted. A few days later she tries to contact me again. I was with a girl and she told me to ignore her, and so did I. Game over.

This shitstory was 2 years ago. I was 16. On that time I became very sad, not because of her, but more because of me and my fuckup. Since then I focused more on studying, met a few girls but none of them seemed to like me like her did, or have the same chemistry like we did together.

I see the girl very often especially because she lives less than a mile over my place, so its not easy to forget. I know this whole thing is kind of ONEitis as Im starting to read this sub, but I would like some personal advice.

Sorry for bad englando and for being just a childish story btw bro

[–]rationalityiskey 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That's not "kind of" Oneitis, it IS Oneitis. That's not to say I don't understand the feeling. This one girl somehow seems more special than the rest, but you, and I, gotta understand that she is only special because we like to think of her that way. This is something I have accepted but not yet internalized, and I get hurt badly every time I let the feeling escalate. Even trying to Game her now, is no more than a futile attempt that will inevitably lead to failure; this applies to both you and me. I recognize it as a rationalization of sorts, for me to apply my Red Pill awareness to my Blue Pill idealism, to hopefully get the girl of my dreams, to not let her be the One that got away, but ironically this kind of mindset will result in nothing but pain and hurt that we inflict upon ourselves. Knowing that, on a meta level I treat it as not a serious attempt to woo the girl, but to find some closure, get rejected, and finally move on. We're simply at that stage of unplugging where we need to get hurt, sometimes purposefully, to wake up.

I don't have a lot of valuable advices to give, but I have one that applies to both of us. Learn how to see this for what it is. Either go for the girl again, or move on. Since we're both still rather hung up on the girl, it's probably better to try and fail, rather than not trying. But no matter what happens, whether we fail or succeed, keep in mind that we don't approach the girl to "get the girl" as the primary goal, we do it as a mission, an experiment, a fun or interesting thing to do, and just as there are many other missions and experiments, there are many other girls. The girl is not the goal, getting used to seeing things from a Red Pill perspective is the goal.

[–]free_stevenavery 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Good words, bro. I texted her and she accepted to hang out with me next week, as I'll come back from vacation. Im really surprised, I wasn't expecting that she would be "open" to even reply and talk to me.

Now Im kind of relieved but also anxious about whats gonna happen tho.

Now you let me know what you got, I hope it goes the same way.

[–]rationalityiskey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be careful just in case she turns out to just want to keep you around as an orbiter, in which case ghost her. Show her that you have other options, and you really should have other options anyway. Don't overthink it, and spend that time worrying trying to improve yourself instead.

In my case, not much has been going on. I've just been going to work and working out, taking better care of my looks and talking to people. I hung out with some of her friends the other day, and generally just enjoying myself with or without her. My Oneitis is an especially bad case, so I've been taking steps to ensure I'm ready to move on. If she leaves the door open, I won't mind turning her into one of my plates later on, but if not, or if spinning her isn't really worth the effort, I'm fine with letting this go down as just a failure to learn from, and I'm okay either way. That's the mentality that I'm trying to adapt.

[–]boris-beharka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s good that you learned from your mistakes but my advice would be to not get caught up with club/party girls. Find a girl that is more chill and isn’t the crazy party type. I’m guilty of getting caught up with some pretty crazy girls too. But it isn’t worth the brain space and headache.

On the note of not having sex with a girl, don’t put your dick in crazy.

That’s my opinion.

Let me know what you guys think.

[–]rationalityiskey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That last one was particularly painful to read. I can relate to it almost too well. There have been to many times where I could make a move, where I had all the opportunities in the world to make a move, and I just stood there or sat there, all paralyzed debating whether I should go for it or not, and when the moment has passed and the chance was lost, I felt instant regret, but the more shameful is that along with it I also felt a sense of relief, that it was now over and there was no opportunity that forced me to make a choice anymore. And that fucked up sense of relief made me realize just how deep the conditioning goes, and how much of a Blue-pilled Beta idiot I am for even finding that relief to be comfortable. In the end it only made for more anxiety and more time spent beating myself up. All of that worrying and analyzing hasn't helped me shit but make me miserable and take more time than if I just go up to the girl and do whatever and fail, and move on.

I have a habit of seeking buffers. Now I recognize it for what it is. When going out and interacting with groups of people, even in a café setting I often lose myself in my phone, just to avoid awkward moments. Now whenever I feel the urge to do that, I still reach for my phone, but instead of doing anything else to run away, I open that article Rollo Tomassi wrote about Buffers, read this line, "Rejection is better than regret," and then I go for it.

In my life whenever faced with a Fight-or-Flight situation, I almost always invariably chose Flight. It has never made anything better but turn me suicidal. This made me realized. Heck, if I'm to be dead anyway, I might as well choose Fight now.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That 16 year old shit is the gayest shit I've ever heard.

[–]MisterRoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! Story #3 was so funny, haha.

[–]juliman17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The emo chick story and the 16 y/o. Holy shit, i feel your regret.

I had similar experiences that make you cringe when you remember or makes it hard to sleep.

As you say, it's all part of a learning process

[–]thelotusknyte 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your archive link points to this thread instead of the archive.

[–]Wheysteve 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Where do you get these quotes from Peterson? I would love to read more

[–]Heathcliff-- 1 points1 points [recovered]

https://www.quora.com/profile/Jordan-B-Peterson

He has a pretty popular answer about "things everyone should know" or something along those lines, where most of these nuggets come from. Though a lot of people will recommend his first joe rogan podcast as an intro, which is a great place to start too.

[–]greatamericancities 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Recommend his podcast with Jocko Willink too.

https://youtu.be/23dArPpXgCM

[–]Bear-With-Bit 1 points1 points [recovered]

I'm glad that I found trp in my 30s. In my 20s I haven't failed enough to learn and I sense a lot of men here need that sort of life-changing cringey failures to be able to really learn and improve.

[–]thebadmanpuntdbaxter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We still fail and fuck up the same things except we realise very painfully as it happens. Really feels like a nightmare where you have total clarity of the situationbut are too panicked to fix it

[–]acekilo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The first story I was pissed and the second one. I lost my fucking mind!!!!! Wow

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

One of my worst moments was one a oneitis that I'd been pining over for over 4 years wanted to make out with me, and I blew her off. I had been reading a lot of pickup material at this point, and was finally figuring out the cocky/funny dynamic that was popular at the time. Whatever I said/did worked, because this girl was VERY into me all evening. We were always friendly, but as her orbiter it was 100% a one sided sitation, per normal.

Anyway, we bounce locations a few times and eventually end up at a dive bar we frequented. Another mutual friend was along, and apparently she could see the stars were aligned because she kept prodding me to basically jump my oneitis all night. I just keep playing it cool and spurning her advances, thinking I was going to have things in the bag by being so aloof and cool.

Wrong.

The night progressed, I got drunker and drunker, and eventually I passed up one too many advances and she lost interest. The worst part is, maybe half a year later, this same girl ends up coming out of the closet as a lesbian and our friendship dwindles after that. I have always wondered if things would have worked out differently with her if I'd just stfu and banged her. Or, maybe not and it would have just been a fun night.

Ya live ya learn.

[–]rationalityiskey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't believe in lesbians, or at least I don't believe this girl is a lesbian. Biologically all girls are bisexual to some degree (all humans are predisposed to like females better than males, and male is the disposable gender). I've seen a few cases IRL, and IMO in many cases lesbians are just frustrated females who seek the companionship they for some reason failed to get from men. (Just as I finished typing these words I realized how wrong it would sound to the naïve and self-righteous, politically correct and good and "nice" me from years ago. Yet that is how I honestly feel now.)

[–]forgotton123 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A great read with some very important lessons which i myself am still in the process of learning.

I'll admit i had a chuckle at a few of stories but i have some just as cringe worthy...

Its quite inspiring to see someone who can take a light hearted attitude to this shit. Excellent post

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

ok well while your putting yourself out there and getting laid with that girl(i mean going to jail over Rape and spending a good part of your life behind iron bars and a very very small box of a room and not to mention putting yourself out there everyday only not with the Gender you wanted) i will be outside and making my life something other then Woman like getting rich and doing all the other things a part of life like Traveling,Working out,and just Enjoying freedom and not stressing about anything (being happy)

i hope when you get out you will consider not doing the same mistake twice (sleeping with woman and making Getting Laid your Num 1 mission in life) but will take all the time you have and spend it on yourself because we only live once we only have 1 life to waste it on someone else instead of on yourself is brainless especially on woman .

GL man

[–]rationalityiskey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess this is the typical mentality of the MGTOW community. I tend to call it what it is: being cowardly and dishonest.