Guys who are in their 50-60s. What is your life like? (self.asktrp)
submitted 1 year ago by kryptoknight12
I mean honestly. There comes a time where you look old, gray, and wrinkly, and you're not going to be able to bang 20 year olds no matter how your smv is.
If marriage isnt something you what. What is your life like at this point?
[–]GuestQuest points points points 1 year ago [recovered]
It's one thing to get through med school with him. There's something very important that hasn't been mentioned however. This isn't a "just until after school" thing. If he is a work-driven man (sounds like this is the case) then he will always be focused on work. After graduation, his job will be his passion. That means you will always potentially 'be the obstacle in his path' even if you get married.
Ask yourself if you can live with coming second for your entire life. This will include children if you have any with him.
I think it's misleading to pretend that this will only be a short-term issue.
[–]Jikira 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Wow, You raise a very good point I have not thought about it in that way.
[–]RubyWooToo3 Stars 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (1 child)
His concerns are completely valid. Quite honestly, very few relationships survive a partner going to medical school (or residency for that matter) because it completely devours all of students' time and emotional energy.
I think your approach of taking it day by day for the time being wise. If you're both going to be extremely busy for this next year, you will just need to be sure to carve out time for each other in advance, but at the same time, have flexibility if plans need to change.
[–]Jikira 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
That's sounds like a good idea. We need to start making a plan before our breaks ends.
[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I don't think you're giving up too much to be with him. It sounds like you are still retaining your values and your ability to support yourself if things go wrong. Just be aware that things will be hard when he is in med school. I think that if you both make each other a priority, you can make it. But he has to be willing to find time for you and you have to be willing to endure less attention from him.
[–]Velebit 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
One of my friends is married, with 2 little girls, has a job and studies to become a surgeon. It's doable but it will test you. In first scenario and he wants to go and if he does not he will blame you so you lose, in the second where he goes you see where your relationship went and he will likely rely on your emotional support for which he will be grateful.
Throw your unconditional support to him. It's your way to escalate it. If your relationship can't last during this it's obviously not the right match.
[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I think it's fine to be with a busy and ambitious man because that's what we're all attracted to. Just make sure you know what you are getting into, that you will have to be compassionate to his busy life. Keep yourself busy and try not to rely on all his energies to keep you happy. As long as you understand what the relationship will be like then go for it.
I know plenty of couples where the man is busy with his career and the wife supports him and lives a more relaxed life (or she has a career of her own since he's very busy). They might not spend so much time together because of his schedule. If you want that lifestyle, which has its perks especially if you like your independence, that's great because he won't have time to baby you (not always at least). You will have to accept that he may not be able to tend to all your needs because he will be so focused on med school.
If you need handholding, I would find a man who has a less stressful career so he can spend more time with you.