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LTRI Got Cheated On and Dumped by My LTR of 4 Years: TRP Lessons (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

Summary: I displayed beta blue pill behavior during my recent 4 year relationship. I have learned some lessons with the help of The Red Pill.


Body:

Before I Loved Her

I (29M) dated my ex (24F) for 4 years.

Before I met her, I was angry and in pain. I'd never felt love. I was self-destructive and expected a violent death before 30.

During the first 4 months of my relationship, she was just a chick I was fucking. I thought about dumping her to move back home across the country. But she started hinting she wanted to hear me say the words "I love you." I’d never said it to a girl before. I thought, well, its 4 months in and there are no problems. I like being with her. She’s attractive. I "should" love her. At first, it was just words. But slowly, those words turned into a feeling.

After I Loved Her

Gradually, I found myself experiencing intense euphoria thinking and feeling things I'd never thought or felt before. I felt happiness. I felt a concern for my future. I thought for the first time that I was going to marry someone, have children, and buy a home. I felt empathy for strangers. I felt a connection to society, the world, and the universe. I experienced beauty in everyday life. I enjoyed all these feelings. I attributed these feelings to her.

So I kept going. I have few friends and family, so I never received outside opinions about my relationship as it progressed. I depended on my intuition (ego?). I assumed that what I was thinking and feeling was what she was thinking and feeling. 6 months together I agreed to buy a dog. 1 year together I invited her to move into my apartment. 2 years in and Im deep in love. Kaleidoscopic fractals.

I taught that bitch how to drive. She almost killed us multiple times and ended up wrecking my car. I helped her get jobs by improving her interview skills and resume. I helped her get an education by writing her scholarship essays and tutoring her to pass entrance tests. I provided a positive and supportive counterbalance to her negative self-image and low self-esteem. I always encouraged her to do well for herself in life and in her career.

And most importantly, or so I thought, I never cheated on her. I forced my sexuality to be monogamous. The first few years I fought with my constant desire to fuck other women. I overcame this by telling myself I had something good here, and the only way this thing could ever fuck up is if I fucked it up by cheating. I mentally wrestled my sexuality into an expression of my love for her and it stuck.

Red Flags

There were red flags. 2 years in I caught her send a Facebook message to a coworker telling him he's cute. I caught her using the Whisper app secretly. I caught her texting another guy.

One night while she was sleeping, I saw she got a text from a person saved under a family name. The message said "are you still with him?" I saved the number and I called it. A man answered. I confronted her. I told her to call him in front of me and say "my boyfriend is gone" while I listened. The conversation was tame. He didn’t flirt. He didn’t tell her to come over or refer to any prior meetings. He took no initiative in the conversation. My ex asked all the questions. He sounded confused about her calling. I forget her explanation now about how she knew him. I suspected nothing.

Then she started talking about moving out. I got spooked she was going to leave me. So I started running day game to prepare for her exit. I walked around malls, department stores and grocery stores and flirted with girls which boosted my confidence and I got a lot of numbers. I always deleted the number. A few girls were very attractive and I found my thoughts turning to "Don’t delete that fucking number. Buy a disposable phone." The fucked up thing is that the lesson I derived from it at the time was I had to choose my partner every day even when its tough. I had the choice to be with these girls, but I felt I wanted to be with my ex.

Getting Dumped #1

After 3.5 years she dumped me. She told me she didn’t love me. She told me she was unattracted to me. She told me she didn’t see a future with me. She packed up her things and moved out within a few hours. I was devastated.

For two weeks we shared the dog. She'd come over to pick the dog up. Then she'd drop it off. One time, she asked to come in. She told me she’s not seeing anyone. She told me to kiss her. I refused. She walked out. Then she came back. Then she hugged me. Then she started crying. Then she started talking. Then I started talking. Then our clothes came off. And just like that, we were back together.

We were back together 6 months. I worked on myself. I got sober (still am). Began lifting every day (still am). Stuck to a healthy diet. I’m 5'11 and got myself up to 200 lbs of lean from 185. She changed a little. She communicated more, mostly about how shes attracted to other guys. My attitude was to fight for the relationship. I didn’t want to give up what I had back in the beginning.

Getting Dumped #2

Then she dumped me again. This time, she told me she began cheating on me 7 months into our relationship. She tells me it’s the guy I made her call in front of me. She tells me she fucked him 4 times. The first time I was out of town at a wedding. I remember we sent nudes to each other during that trip. The last time she says it happened I was out of town participating in a family rehab program for my heroin addicted little brother. I remember we had virtual sex over Skype during that trip.

That was 3 months ago. I really couldn’t focus on anything else. The pain was so loud. Knowing she dumped me so heartlessly. Knowing she dumped me for a coworker. Knowing she cheated on me through my entire experience of becoming a good person because of my relationship with her. Knowing she told me specifically to hurt me.

It hurt more than watching my dad die from cancer when I was 15. It hurt more than losing my brother to heroin last year. My fucking soul shrank, splintered, and fragmented. I half expected her to leave but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

Revenge

I needed to hurt her. I publically shamed her by sending messages to everyone I met through her. Her family, friends, coworkers, orbiters. I sent messages to people I didn’t know but I knew knew her. I sent 80+ messages to people telling them that she told me she cheated on me multiple times throughout our relationship. Her brother begged me to stop so I did.

The Red Pill

I come to The Red Pill destroyed. I crawl here. Bruised. Broken bones. My heart and soul were elevated through the highest clouds and then buried deep under rock and mantle. I’m picking up the pieces and putting them back together.

I can’t fucking help but feel that loving her was impossible to avoid. It just happened to me. It dug itself into my soul. I didn’t even know what was happening to me. I feel like a victim. I feel like an idiot. I feel lost. I feel abused and betrayed like a little dog on a leash being stomped by its caregiver.

I’m looking for a Red Pill perspective on what I did wrong and what my lesson is. This can't happen to me again.


Lessons Learned:

  • Do not buy pets together.

  • Do not live together.

  • Do not idealize marriage, family, or home ownership.

  • Do not hamster yourself into monogamy. Monogamy does not exist.

  • Do not respond to her disrespect by mate guarding. Use dread game, boundaries, and a persistent readiness to next her.

  • Practice game during the relationship. Don’t be a complete dumbass and delete the numbers of the sexy women you game. Abundance mentality is everything.

  • Do not take her back when she dumps you.

  • You have nothing but your own foolishness, irresponsibility, and ego to blame for your pain and heartbreak. Your ex is not a bitch, especially cruel, heartless, or different in any way from every other female. She did nothing wrong. She was behaving according to natural laws of attraction and mating. YOU fucked up.

  • Men love women. Women love their kids. Kids love hamsters. And hamsters love nobody.

  • Loving a girl is an addictive drug and withdrawal is extremely painful. It is a inherent vulnerability. Oneitis is a symptom that you have done something wrong.

  • She is not yours. She never was yours. She never will be yours. You don’t own that pussy or that ass. Train her well, but always remember you will not be the last ma


[–]DatingCoach111 431 points432 points  (37 children)

Sounds like you may still be in pain, which is part of unplugging. We all had to go through it at one point or another.

There are 5 stages of TRP.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

I completed my five stages a long time ago, and this is the lesson I've learned:

Women are not inherently evil.

They are doing what they think is best, truly and genuinely. And as men, we do what we think is best, as well.

Just as men detest women of obesity, women are repulsed by weak and needy men. This is nature at work, and is an unbiased, objective way of looking at reality.

You put a lot of effort into that relationship, overtly so. But that happens to blue pill men in love.

TRP is not about hating women. It's not machiavellian, spiteful, or even biased. TRP is about sexual strategy, improving relationships, and providing emotional and physical satiation for both parties involved.

Women crave love. Men crave to give it.

TRP rage is unpleasant, but time will eventually cool it down. Don't fight the emotions. Let them flow through you.

Yes, you may have fucked up. Yes, you may have exhibited very unattractive behaviors. But you did the best you could with what you knew. That's all one can ever do.

There's something about the excruciating pain that transmutes a man's energy into a masculine essence. It manifests into your face, demeanor, your posture, your expectations. It's like coming back from military boot camp. A complete transformation.

From here, once the rage is gone and acceptance is embraced, love is possible again. You are aware of your nature, and you are aware of hers. It is like starting over with a clean slate, but with all the knowledge necessary for a successful relationship. You will love and trust her regardless knowing that someday, somehow, the relationship will end. Be it through loss of interest, cheating, or death, it will end. You will love and trust her because this is the foundation for a healthy and successful relationship, but you will implement TRP as your secret ingredient to the cement, all while being aware that she may very well cheat on you anyway. And when it ends (and it will), you will simply feel a sting of pain and say "of course".

Your love for this new woman will not be feminine as before. It will transcend into masculine love, which is the strongest form of human love, and lies at the top of the love hierarchy.

Men love women. Women love children. Children love puppies.

Embrace the pain; it will be over before you know it.

[–]TRP_MushaShugyo 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Well said! That is exactly what I would say to myself about a year and some months ago. "Man cannot rebuild himself without pain, for he is both the marble and the sculptor."

[–]2MikeHaines 22 points23 points  (0 children)

There's something about the excruciating pain that transmutes a man's energy into a masculine essence. It manifests into your face, demeanor, your posture, your expectations. It's like coming back from military boot camp. A complete transformation.

This is very true. You actually change physically. It is a literal transformation.

[–]caporaltito 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You, sir, deserves a medal

[–]eaeulis 9 points10 points  (2 children)

can u elaborate on “masculine love” ?

[–]DatingCoach111 66 points67 points  (1 child)

Masculine love is dominant, honest, and is fueled by respect. Feminine love is more submissive, fearful, and is fueled by awe.

Masculine and feminine energies are not subjective to physical gender. Pain makes an individual more masculine. Take a look at sweet women who have been through multiple bad divorces or breakups; their emotional aura scars over and becomes more aggressive. It's quite fascinating.

[–]Moir53 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good stuff, worded perfectly.

[–]Self-honest 8 points9 points  (1 child)

My man. This should be the introduction to TRP. I would love it if you turned it into a post that got stickied at the top.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

There are 5 stages of TRP.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance

What's the Bargaining stage?

[–]bawkbawkbakaw 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Bargaining is where you try to make compromises with ineffective strategies. "Maybe, if I make slight modifications, she'll come back.", "Maybe it'll work this time around.", "Perhaps if x then y.", etc. Ultimately, you run into the wall that it's a deluded fantasy and it isn't going to pan out how you want it to.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Skip that stage if your a virgin like me lol

[–]dumnem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Maybe I can make this work"

"What can I do?"

"Please come back?"

Etc.

[–]look_in_the_mirror 2 points3 points  (8 children)

How can I reach that. I mean I see TRP, but how do I incoporate that in my soul, my being?

[–]Thunder_button 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Pain(unfortunately) and experience.

As a man who has currently got oneitis hard, and knows he's losing her after just two years, its only now I'm starting to see how each and every day i'm fucking up. Being too needy, emotional and a beta-provider. By god has she been patient with me, because at one point she truly and deeply loved me, and somewhere in there she still does, but i know how bad she's ready to next me if i dont shape up.

[–]look_in_the_mirror 1 point2 points  (6 children)

So are you in a relationship? And you are self aware enough to see your weaknesses?

I don't get all this, this all had to be a lot easier. I didn't sign up for this.

I loved girls too and they broke my heart hard, I want to make sense out of it, but there is no growth, no catharsis, no higher understanding, just pain. In the moment I am concentrating on growth.

I mean most of us here want a partner who they can love (at least not hate), a normal social life and enjoy life. Why is that so fucking complicated. I feel like the rules of life had been written and I was just born in it and now have to accept these shitty rules, I was not agreeing to. Even worse I have to figure out every rule there for myself.

It just feels easier to sit at home and play Video games day-in day-out, why even bother, why play this game of life with shitty, egoistical players anyways?

Not that I do it, but am I the only one who feels overwhelmed by this whole charade?

Sorry for the wall of Text. I want to think about the stuff you said.

What do you mean by shape up?

[–]Thunder_button 0 points1 point  (2 children)

So are you in a relationship? And you are self aware enough to see your weaknesses?

Yes and yes. And that's exactly where my own personal growth started. After spending hours on reflection, reading, and thinking I had my "aha" moment and started seeing how my emotions would very often screw up my entire thought process and I take offense easily. Two things right out the gate I have this burning desire to change for myself. It's not easy by any means as I still get derailed by anxiety and I'm sad about how this is how I've lived up until this point, but its just not an optimal way to navigate social interaction, especially with women. And having been raised by a single mom, all of this and many other things I've realized about myself is all like my gears have been spinning one way my entire life, but now are compelled to spin in the opposite direction as I accept truths.

Why is that so fucking complicated. I feel like the rules of life had been written and I was just born in it and now have to accept these shitty rules, I was not agreeing to. Even worse I have to figure out every rule there for myself.

Because sadly we have been lied to by almost all avenues of entertainment and media. And women have been in on it and have been taking advantage of it and it's us men who have been slow to recognize what's been going on. And yes, we must figure this out for ourselves. Thankfully we have a place such as TRP to come together and talk about these sort of things.

It just feels easier to sit at home and play Video games day-in day-out

This used to be me not even a week ago. Now i find myself getting angry at how much time I've wasted on video games. I love video games, but it's time to love them in a different way not burn so much of my precious time on them.

Not that I do it, but am I the only one who feels overwhelmed by this whole charade?

Yes, absolutely. As I'm only just swallowing the pill, it is an exhausting process, but part of me knows it will get easier.

What do you mean by shape up?

Well I'm making a lot of changes in myself. And the first one on my list is recognizing when I'm having an emotional reaction and not allowing my next thought spoken words or actions be influenced by those emotions. And this is actually increasing my focus and awareness and allowing my frame to manifest itself naturally. But there's still a lot more to it than that I'm still stuck on my oneitis. we're still together are still a lot about her I'm trying to figure out and a lot I don't understand. TRP would have you believe that there are no good women, all women are like this or that and if she behaves the certain way then it means she fits into a certain criteria. And reality is its not that simple either. So by shaping up, what I mean to say better myself in a way that I am happier with myself. Rekindling my relationship should come as a byproduct to me quest to transform myself.

I hope that can give you some insight. I apologise I know my grammer is shit, I'm on mobile, and my thoughts are kind of all over the place. I was trying to give you genuine responses to each part of your post.

[–]look_in_the_mirror 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I want to thank you for your extensive answer. Don't stress yourself, I am from germany, I hope my english is good, but I don't see any problem with your grammar.

I have thinking a lot lately about TRP, I do think the science-based studies show a certain behaviour of women in generell, but so do studies about men, while I think they are true to a degree (since I am a man I should now) there are also a lot of things I can't identify with.

When I read what you are writing, I recognize myself a lot. I do also realize that I lose my head sometimes, not only when I get angry. Once you open yourself up to someone, one naturally becomes more vulnerable, that may be my problem. When my partner does not show sympathy or empathy I feel betrayed, but I must realize that sometimes people are flawed, that also goes for women. They do have their problems too, how could they not, they are human beings too. I realized I may even be a little Codependent, because I let my partner somehow dictate my self-worth, I need to work on that.

I will write you later I just have really important thing to handle. But it feels good not to be the only one out there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

People have different perceptions of reality. The fact is that what you thought and were taught about how women think about love, relationships, life, the world around her, everything really, was wrong. It was a lie. TRP will show you reality as it truly is, not as most perceive it. Unfortunately TRP is right in almost every way and only the semantics of language really cause debate as I see it. As for the checking out part that is up to you. Even if you don't want to fool with pussy advancing yourself and your career/future is surely better than being locked away playing games, no? As you gain more experience and see over and over that TRP is correct you will eventually come to acceptance.

[–]look_in_the_mirror 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don't know if this reaches someone, since the person deleted his/her account.

About women, I already took the pill. I do believe most of the Red pill, but I am not so sure about relationships and friends. I mean in general I do want to have a normal life with someone I like and a few friends I can share life with. Is that too much. Most people do seem to struggle with all of this. Sure don't make women the middle of your existance and try to find a tolerable Job, which does not kill you. But what makes life for a sense with money and no friends and family?

Working is easier than relationships that is abolutely true. But there is more to life than just working.

I have so many questions in my head. All this makes absolutely no sense in any way.

I need to try to makes more sense of all this...

[–]Endorsed Contributorsadomasochrist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First time I've seen this posted but from someone that actually understands the content and isn't using it as a buffer. Good stuff.

[–]hammerhearth 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'm a month late to this, but I gotta ask, if men love women, and women love children, and children love puppies, then who is left to love man?

God, maybe? Is this why man invented God?

[–]CloudSerene 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or other men, when they're not competing for women.

[–]Shakydrummer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So well said. Christ I wish I heard this a year ago.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's something about the excruciating pain that transmutes a man's energy into a masculine essence. It manifests into your face, demeanor, your posture, your expectations.

That is fucking poetic.

[–]swimminginblue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks

[–]trp_sidepiece 0 points1 point  (0 children)

best response I’ve read on this thread

[–]yellowboy212 1 points1 points [recovered]

Lol that’s not “revenge”. All you did was made yourself look like a bitch but you were butt hurt and emotional

[–]thefisherman1961 63 points64 points  (8 children)

Women would much rather receive negative attention than no attention at all. Withdrawal of attention is a woman's kryptonite. That's the best way to get revenge because you hold frame, don't look butthurt, and make it appear like you DGAF about her at all because you already had her replacement(s) lined up in advance.

I wouldn't call what he did revenge because it was more like kamikaze. He destroyed both their reputations to get back at her, which shows her that he still cares so much about what she did to him. He made himself look foolish by admitting to everyone that he was so beta that she felt compelled to cheat on him for years, but he also made her look like an untrustworthy slut to everyone she knows. That definitely did alot of damage to her self esteem because women care so much about keeping up appearances in their social circles.

[–]TheRealJesusChristus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She could tell everyone that he is lying and so keep up her good face while making him not only seem butthurt but also less trustworthy. She could then tell everyone that she had to dump him because he was that way (jealous) during the relationship and all the sympathy is on her side and everybody hates OP. He is just destroying himself and giving her the controll if she wants to get destroyed, too. (Of course she wont let that happen).

[–]dumnem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With cunts like that there's going to be a paper trail. The best revenge on a cheating SO is simply ignoring them and cutting them off completely. Second best, but possibly more satisfying (and definitely less healthy) is to go full nuclear option with screen shots proving she's a cheating whore.

[–]livepilgrim 0 points1 point  (3 children)

It could go good. If she admitted, I would just go with the line she admitted blah blah. If you send to everyone, everything is still spun around her.

[–]witch_pimp 5 points6 points  (2 children)

No. He ruined his reputation with everyone who saw those messages. He cemented himself as a beta.

Sure, everyone knows she's a cheating slut. But, honestly, in 10 days, that won't matter. She will have no trouble getting laid by whatever alpha she meets, while OP sits at home, still wondering what he did wrong.

[–]thefisherman1961 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No. He ruined his reputation with everyone who saw those messages. He cemented himself as a beta.

Wouldn’t really matter if he plans on never talking to any of those people again, or anyone they know or ever will know

[–]witch_pimp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of hard if you're in a small town.

[–]dumnem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That definitely did alot of damage to her self esteem because women care so much about keeping up appearances in their social circles.

Yep, that's one hell of a nuclear option.

[–]jorgander 17 points18 points  (5 children)

This should have been the the most important lesson learned, as an enormous amount of respect is lost when people smear each other to friends and family. Being right about it makes absolutely no difference.

Even women, who are allowed to have emotional breakdowns, look bad when they do it.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 5 points6 points  (5 children)

All you did was made yourself look like a bitch but you were butt hurt and emotional

Your analysis may be correct but I don't think it's necessary to kick a brother when he's down. This guy seems pretty self aware. No need to pile on.

That said I got the best revenge on my ex I could ever think of. She moved out but left her stuff for a while until she had a new place. We were using her bed, mine was still in storage.

I fucked a plate (hb9, hotter and classier than my ex) in her bed while she was on her period-- heavy bleeder mind you-- and took no precautions to protect those white sheets. Left a trashcan full of used rubbers next to the bed.

When she came back to get her stuff and saw her bed looking like a crime scene she lost her fucking mind. She told me she was in physical pain for days, like she had done a full body workout.

Actual conversation.

Her: YOU FUCKED HER IN MY BED!!!! Me: Yeah, well, I couldn't exactly fuck her on the washing machine.

She sent messages to EVERYONE. I never said shit but to a couple close friends and family.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

And after she'd moved out, I went over to her new place, hate fucked her a few times, told her she was a cum dumpster, and ghosted.

No soup for you. NEXT!

[–]yellowboy212 1 points1 points [recovered]

Lol you ran a red light to spite your ex. You lost. When she said you fucked her in my bed, your response should’ve been no I didn’t

After you fucked her, you should’ve said nothing and gradually ghosted her.

No rudeness. No emotional outbursts. No explanations. Nothing drives a woman more mad than that

[–]PhaedrusHunt -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Haha fair enough. I feel like all in all I came out on top. I could have done some things differently but she said straight up I won, I fucked her up and she'll not be able to ever trust a man again.

Plus I'm dating a dime piece that's super into me, and my ex is back to Fuckboysville.

But point well taken.

[–]yellowboy212 1 points1 points [recovered]

You’re dating a more attractive woman than her. You won

Women don’t trust men. Before or after you

[–]PhaedrusHunt -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Yep haha. New one is older, same age as me--39. Old one was 29 but living hard and gonna be looking rough soon if she keeps it going.

And not to totally shit on her. I needed that at that point in my life. She was a rebound from an 11 year marriage with a BPD nut job who got progressively crazier and became a hoarder then divorce raped me.

She would have been perfect as a plate, but I caught feels. My own fault. But the feels were gone by the time we split. Still, it was damn satisfying to wreck a self described man destroyer. Plus, I've never been one to have difficulty getting pussy, but had never really embraced spinning plates. It's in my nature but was programmed out of me. Hell, when I was in 6th fucking grade I had two girlfriends simultaneously that were each other's best friends. It comes naturally to me but I was taught it was immoral.

Anyway this chick opened my eyes to AWALT and realizing how far the west has gone downhill that our men are self policing to satisfy a feminist agenda.

[–]JamesLucrative 4 points5 points  (5 children)

It doesn't look like a bitch if you don't care and just love making people miserable. And trust me women deserve misery.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The intersection of sociopathy and sadism

[–]2Dmva100 117 points118 points  (9 children)

When she came back to you crying and you talked it out and had makeup sex, she had already been dumped herself by other Chad man. She manipulated the fuck out of you. Remember, tears are always her way of trying to sway you. Call her a pussy bitch for crying and she'll love it.

Should've done anal only, dumped load, and ghosted.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Dumped load, anal, ghosted, then dumped load again, then ghost anal

[–]Passthepogs 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Of course, the DLAGDLAGA

Never fails

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 26 points27 points  (3 children)

she had already been dumped herself by other Chad man

Yeah,most men completely miss this point. It's called a failed branch swing. She hit the jungle floor face-first and she was SOOO into this guy she hadn't the time to setup a backup. Her only choice was to wander back to the previous tree.

Now, had her and Chad been together for a while, she would have moved forward, not back. So yes, if she is there for makeup sex after a breakup, she just got dumped. Go ahead and pump a few loads into her, but she is nothing but a plate forevermore.

[–]2Dmva100 12 points13 points  (2 children)

And even worse, the BP guy that she tries to trade up ends up thinking all his constant texting, calling, and emotive sacrificial bullshit ACTUALLY WORKED to get her back.

He subsequently becomes even more invested in her than before. Sad shit. The women that spit the above advice are just ensuring their safety nets are setup.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He subsequently becomes even more invested in her than before.

Excellent point. For most men it just enshrines her unicorn status when it should permanently demote her to wet-hole status.

[–]dumnem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He subsequently becomes even more invested in her than before. Sad shit. The women that spit the above advice are just ensuring their safety nets are setup.

What pisses me off about this is that these fucking women know what they're doing. But hey, awalt.

[–]2CasaDeFranco 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why is it worth fucking her after the breakup?

I find expressing the breakup concisely, and then never talking or minimal engagement is apt.

I wager you're further along than most guys in the TRP; but for those who aren't; fucking a girl you have history with is not worth it.

[–]hardly_incognito 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree.

I think this can be dangerous advice for most men, because by fucking their ex they'll wind up like OP, and merely delay the inevitable. I'd much rather go & try to game a new broad as opposed to risking all the emotional pain that could come by getting attached to my ex once again.

[–]Docbear64 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Boy this one made me remember a few scars of my own , Very raw , and clearly you're still hurting .

My Red pill advice for you ? The onl one who matters in this life is you , the girl may have helped you get motivated to change but the only one who truly benefits from your sobriety and the person who should benefit the most from it is you , the person who benefits from the work you put into the gym is you . She made you feel good and I get that she made you care and appreciate aspects of a world you didn't previously value but all of that emotion at the end of the day comes from you . You romanticized her , you saw her as more than she was , you envisioned a future she didn't and you desired a world and life that she didn't deserve.

My advice is don't ever undermine or devalue yourself again , you've grown a lot and you still have a lot of growth left , don't stop and never forget the lessons this situation has taught you .

Women in general and especially the modern woman is a fucking tragedy . They can inspire a lot of good things within men but they've become such twisted and selfish creatures that to hang your ability to succeed and thrive on their approval is a mistake.

[–]Glacierdust 84 points85 points  (3 children)

I'm in my early 20s and have never had a relationship even reach the 6-month mark, so I'm not about to give you advice or tell you what you did wrong because even if I think I know (based on what I've read on this sub), I don't really know.

That being said, I'm commenting to let you know that I think you're a gifted writer and I wish you luck and strength in your future.

[–]badaod 24 points25 points  (1 child)

+1 on the writing part. every paragraph made me want to read the next one

[–]dumnem 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's not about the prose, it's about the energy. It isn't verbose, but you can feel the emotion in it, and you respect it.

[–]dumnem 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in my (I guess mid, now) 20s, as I just turned 24.

Longest relationship I've ever been in is the one I'm in now at just under 12 months. I'm happy but I will always have a backup setup. I go out of my way to make sure we are both happy.

I don't put up with shit, and I try not to make her put up with mine.

Long term relationships just aren't meant for some people. Long term should be about 5 years. We just aren't designed for longer. At that time you've done everything you can imagine. You were single. Met her. Started to grow attached. learned everything about her. Fucked her so many times you long ago lost count. Grew together. Became better. Grew older.

Every fantastic phase of a relationship is done within five years. You just need to be emotionally prepared that it will, one day, end. It will always end. There's a timeline. A time to enjoy and a time to move on. A time to live, and finally, a time to die.

[–]Soderbergh 32 points33 points  (1 child)

This was a heart-breaking read. I can't tell if you're a changed person or not from your writing. But, remember, never ever give yourself to anyone in that pathetic way again.

You will look back on this and laugh because the world taught you what you refused to ever understand or believe. Now you're free, never to be shackled by wrong thinking again.

What's awesome about this is the wide world of women available like a buffet table to you. Brunettes, blondes, sluts, prudes and everything in between.

You're not longer latched to the whimsy of some vile girl looking out for herself over you. Some chick will be worshiping you before long, as long as you practice TRP.

[–]SKRedPill 16 points17 points  (2 children)

One commentator wrote on The Rational Male's website on "The marriage game"

“…And for good reason- it is too much of a risk to a man’s health, finances, sanity, and most importantly, soul…”

To which I say :-

So commandment – Thou shall make your healthy evolution (physical, emotional, social, intellectual and spiritual) always as the point of origin and incentive, never a woman, or the world that treats you as toilet paper.

If you do it right, you will become a sun, not a moon (that needs light). Counter intuitively, this will get you more than what you expected. And you will end up giving more to society and being more fulfilled than what you thought. I know that ideal sounds unrealistic, but a step a day, a bit further, keep doing and doing and one day it’s done…. (feels good just to say it).

Masculine idealism, in the right place, is our biggest strength. Our idealism at the mercy of another that has no interest in our evolution and being blind to it, is a man’s biggest weakness.

But hey buddy, you're literally the 40 billionth guy to repeat history, so I suggest this, every morning and before bed, fight your mind, throw out all thoughts with a sharp exhalation, get your breath under control, and force a good mental diet of positive and uplifting stuff. You've let yourself be too much of a moon, start being a sun.

[–]GenieGenius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For those not well versed on alchemy and the Kabbalah, this means be more egotistical and enforce your will onto your surroundings without caring for approval or permission. Do not be reflective, be projective. The moment you need to consider someone else to determine your sense of self you are being a moon and need to stop immediately and be more self-serving and self-assured.

[–]prettyflyforabrowngy 15 points16 points  (7 children)

honestly dude? sounds like she saved you from a really bad place, and in that bad place you're not going to find a "good" girl, you're going to find someone else that is damaged like you. she helped you unlock a better you, and you did the same. but she regressed. she wasn't as powerful as you and she fucked up, and that was unfair and awful and I'm sad for you, and it takes balls to share this story

But I hope it only gets better from here. Yes, you should definitely move on to new girls and maybe it will take a while, and I know saying this is anti-redpill (i'm also on MGTOW believe ir or not), but if you can find a girl that makes you happy again, definitely be more cautious and use the lessons you learned, but don't give up on the idea of being happy with someone.

[–]GenieGenius 7 points8 points  (6 children)

Don't hold your breath. Love is just a chemical in the brain called Oxytocin that encourages animals to breed and rear children. The moment she can get more emotional and physical stimulation from outside the relationship she will. Almost all Humans are selfish, craven animals that will always act selfishly above all else and should be regarded as such.

If she's a nice girl it's because she's weak and will feed off of your masculine energy until it's depleted beyond a threshold that stimulates her sexual appetite and she'll branch swing. If she's a bad girl it's hopeless to pursue love with her to begin with since she's very upfront about her selfish and vampiric priorities and she'll branch swing the millisecond you bore her.

Disregard women entirely beyond a wet hole to put your penis in. They will never love you, just the masculine energy you exude on a moment to moment basis and you will never be able to open up to her honestly in the way you would need to in order to find love because she'll then see you as weak like she is and her pussy will clamp shut so fast you'll hear it clap.

[–]AwakenedSovereign 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Right and wrong. Women can and will love you, especially if you are alpha. But it is only a woman's love, and as such could never be what you wish it can be.

This is Briffaults Law & Women In Love & Men In Love. Sidebar stuff.

When you are ready you will be able to love women as they are, in a masculine way, without surrendering frame or power. This is a different kind of love and may even feel "less than" romantic, bluepill indoctrinated love you may have pretended to have before.

But its there. The world is not reduceable to "bluepill idiots in love" and "wet holes only good for fucking". There is color in between, and shades of gray.

It's up to you how you choose to love, if at all, once your eyes are opened. But there is a choice.

[–]GenieGenius 1 point2 points  (4 children)

We're really saying the same thing just with different conclusions. Let's just agree that the uncompromising romantic love like we see on tv or movies is horseshit and that a woman can only love you if she views you as a Masculine Alpha. If you're willing to entertain that for her she will love you but if you ever break that frame her love for you will disintegrate into nothing.

[–]UnwittingJerk 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Disregard women entirely beyond a wet hole to put your penis in.

Clearly not the same thing mate. Women are humans too. Just wired differently. Yes, they will only love you if you are seen as a strong one, but they have their purposes too beyond being a "wet hole".

[–]GenieGenius 2 points3 points  (2 children)

She'll always only love the idea of you, not the actual you. It's just the feelings you give her that she's intoxicated by. The moment those feelings are gone or replaced by something stronger she'll check out and move on/branch swing. If you want to LTR these whores then that's fine but you must never forget that it's always just your turn. She will slowly suck out your weaknesses if and where they exist to expose you if you are anything less than a God and then she will no longer find you attractive, depending on how far your frame was compromised. Women can only love children genuinely, and this is because they expect nothing of them and do not hold them to an archetypal patriarchal ideal, the opposite of a man. You serve two purposes only to women: to plant alpha genes and/or to provide commitment/resources to her and her offspring. Similarly, Women serve two purposes to a fully realized and independent man: pleasure and offspring. Everything else is just a sweet sugary coating meant to make the truth more appetizing.

[–]AwakenedSovereign 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Similarly, Women serve two purposes to a fully realized and independent man: pleasure and offspring.

That's the money, right there. "Masculine Love" requires you to see women for what they are. More often than not, they are only good for fun, nothing else.

Just don't be so jaded that you can literally never enjoy yourself or feel anything with a female. That's anger and bitterness. We are better than that.

[–]GenieGenius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would never encourage that. Just smirk and use amused mastery, the point is to not take them seriously or at their word.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Loving a girl is an addictive drug and withdrawal is extremely painful. It is a inherent vulnerability. Oneitis is a symptom that you have done something wrong.

It actually rewires part of the brain (like heroine). Re-collecting the previous mental state is than a very uphill battle. The effect takes place in men brains, not in women brains (in any event, there's a disproportionate majority of affected men).

. Your ex is not a bitch, especially cruel, heartless, or different in any way from every other female. She did nothing wrong. She was behaving according to natural laws of attraction and mating. YOU fucked up.

Well, the "laws of attraction and mating" have her act heartlessly, frigidly, irresponsibly, and well apart from any morals and loyalty. You can say it's the laws, you can say it's females.

Schopenahuer said: if you want to experience love, take a dog with you. I'm sure that if you contrast her behavior and the dog behavior, that'll shine to you as a truth.

[–]Gozsayin 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Bro u missed your chance. When she came back the first time u should've fucked her them kicked her back out. I bet anything she had been dumbed by the guy or guys from her phone and retreat Ed back to her safe beta for some temporary care until she found another alpha that would take her in.

Honestly if u hadnt tried to smudge her name. I would say she would probably come running back in a few months (Plz have some self. Respect when she does and don't take her back)

[–]antariusz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, dumped by a man smart enough to know that if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you.

[–]Redpilledaccordingly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your "revenge" should've been handled differently. You basically handed her the #1 dopamine-inducing drug for women, which is attention. In her wacky brain, she's now telling herself, "look how special/magical my pussy is, this guy is going mad because of it". Hold frame, and if you really want revenge, hit the bar and find a replacement to drop her down to reality.

[–]FlyingBaratoplata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Men love women. Women love their kids. Kids love hamsters. And hamsters love nobody.

Dude, with this sense of humor, you're going to be fine. LMAO

Women will never love us like we love them. Only God can love you like that. Hope you feel better man. I've been through it. Time heals all wounds.

[–]Tidder94 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro, much healing is needed. Sometimes its better to take some time to get to know yourself and grow, the most important part of all of this is that you learn from this experience, there will be times when you are destroyed and times when you destroy.

Here is a story I like a lot.

"There was a farmer whose horse ran away. That evening the neighbors gathered to commiserate with him since this was such bad luck. He said, “May be.” The next day the horse returned, but brought with it six wild horses, and the neighbors came exclaiming at his good fortune. He said, “May be.” And then, the following day, his son tried to saddle and ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg.

Again the neighbors came to offer their sympathy for the misfortune. He said, “May be.” The day after that, conscription officers came to the village to seize young men for the army, but because of the broken leg the farmer’s son was rejected. When the neighbors came in to say how fortunately everything had turned out, he said, “May be.”"

Life is unpredictable, better to not attach yourself to any failiure or success if you want to live with peace of mind.

Peace bro.

[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The real lesson here is to never go out of your way to raise a woman up. She'll just believe she's on your level or higher and reset standards accordingly and look else where, forgetting where she came from and brought her there.

[–]CloudSerene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Male altruism toward his mate never goes unpunished. School her, and watch her grow arrogant. Elevate her financially, and watch her get greedy. Introduce her to a quality entourage, and watch her become entitled. In this respect women are like children, of whom only a fool expects gratitude. But to children it is appropriate to give. To grown-ups only a fool gives in the same way.

[–]123Jobber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's not revenge b. Revenge = immediately moving on with your life and getting with other girls and displaying it for all her friends to see.

My ex dumped me and cheated on me multiple times told me to my face she didn't give a fuck that she did.

I have about 5 girls in rotation always looking for more and never even think about her now because I'm busy with them. One of them is younger, fresher, hotter and lives on the same street as my ex.

We all have a story to tell (we've all been btfo by a GF), we've all felt how you feel. Best way to get rid of the feels is to go get other women. Only redpill you need = multiple women. That's it.

[–]melungeonmuscle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Here's the thing...you need to make yourself so fuckin cool and attractive and confident that the bitch can walk away at anytime and you won't give a fuck cuz there's ten bitches out there waiting for you to fuck them. Never put yourself in a place where you're the bitch. Bitches wanna be bitches.

[–]NotAnotherSJWAgain 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your story is very personal and authentic. Thanks for sharing. You made plenty of commonplace mistakes due to inexperience but like everyone before you acted on instinctive impulses that come out of a place of profound humanity. I like how you sought to demonstrate to yourself that you can stand on your own (by getting other girls numbers) but then chose to commit and be truthful even in the presence of options. That is the hallmark of a noble character. The fact that she did not reciprocate merely says something about her; we can all agree that you’re not missing out on much by no longer being with her. While noble you were also inexperienced. The red flags were there. By the time you’re getting another guy on the phone to confront him the relationship is long over whether she cheated or not. Your other needy and whiny outbursts towards the end demonstrated weakness and frustration. It was sad and pathetic to text random people about her personal life. But that’s not the mistake you need to dwell on. You need to not be in a position to be that affected by what a woman does. It is silly to care more about some girl’s transgressions than the death of a family member. It means you placed way too much faith in the wrong type of relationship. A female companion should not command this much power over you no matter how lovely she is and how nicely you may get along with her. The world is full of women you can have an enjoyable time with and can treat you well. Yes you will invest in a relationship and grow some attachment to that accumulated past investment but you should be prepared to lose it at any time and restart. You are very self aware and are already figuring this out. You need to have more relationships and learn to figure out people and judge their character better. Become aware of the manner in which women manipulate men, as amply demonstrated by your very story. With awareness comes wisdom and, eventually, immunity. Good luck.

[–]icedupsmackhead 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Men love women. Women love their kids. Kids love hamsters. And hamsters love nobody.

lol

Your post was well written and outlines a lot of the common problems outlined in TRP philosophy. But most importantly, it screams self awareness and a pretty good grasp on what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, so the war is half won.

The revenge thing was poor form, but a reasonable emotional response. I get it. Just chalk it up to experience. Don't give her the satisfaction of saying her ex slandered her name over the place. Creates fertile ground for her to play the victim card. Fuck her off, forget about her. And as you've mentioned, you shouldnt have taken her back in the first place.

You've gone through the initial phase, and you're well into detoxing. Stay fit and healthy and keep well away from the vice you were into before she entered the picture. Its an easy slide to make. Take you're time, keep reading here and you'll know when the time is right. Might be two weeks, might be two years.

The most important thing to remember when playing the game is this- Women are not deliberately evil or heartless. They often are (I think thats why we're all here lol), but they only ever act in self interest, and they are just unaware/don't care about anyone that gets mowed down in the process. I think thats one of the defining differences between men and women. I wouldn't even call it a bad trait necessarily, but its certainly one that must always be kept in the back of your mind when engaging with all women, beit romantic or platonic.

I mention that only because I went pretty far down that rabbithole, and nothing good came of it. I see a lot of guys on this sub preaching it, and it really doesnt do anything except make you resentful and bitter.

As far as the daddy issues go, for me its a huge red flag. But Ive also spoken to guys who see it as a huge green flag for the same reasons- they reckon they can work with it. The theory is that women will subconsciously look for a version of their father they can date. Absent fathers are a real problem, because anger and resentment is often projected onto the other partner. Same goes with cheating, I guess. Take from that what you will, but Ive been burnt by that more than once, and dont intend on looking like an idiot again if I can avoid it.

Im sure plenty of others will offer opinions also.

[–]SKRedPill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women are not deliberately evil or heartless.

Nothing good came out of being a slave of your mind -- and in the absence of any sort of principles or gratitude, our instincts will rule. Our instincts don't know consequences.

People can kill in a moment of anger, that doesn't mean though that they shouldn't be held accountable.

[–]Compeliminator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive heard of people who love hamsters or is that gerbals.

[–]Jonlife 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let's sww how many lurking PUAs in here will try to tell you that it was your faulty frame that made her cheat Lolol. But seriously, congratulations bro. You swallowed the red pill. No turning back now. Guess what. All women are like this. You just have to catch them on the right day. Men have honor and live by a code (minus the blue pill cucks and simps who are basically bitches like the women they worship). Women have no honor. Their hypergamous nature doesn't allow it.

She ran off to monkey branch on to the next Chad. It is what it is. You dodged a bullet bro. Thank your lucky stars you didn't get married, or have kids with that train wreck.

If you want to live a happy life stress free never put yourself in this situation again, acquire currency, and keep it moving.

[–]avocadowithsalt123 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey, I was in a similar position. Trust me, she saved you from your pathetic ways and personality. You will grow now, learn, and be better. Be thankful.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can’t fucking help but feel that loving her was impossible to avoid. It just happened to me

Take some responsibility for yourself and your actions and your feelings.

It hurts, but it's the only way to avoid the longer term pain of a victim complex.

You take responsibility for your actions, but you should also forgive yourself, ie "This was my fault, I did this, and that's ok".

OP: your lessons learned: agree with all apart from the last-ish father one. Father-relationship isn't as important as you think if you're not committing to a woman, and committing to a woman is a terrible idea anyway.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3 3 points4 points  (0 children)

All I read was she was 24...trust me...Too young to ltr...Just keep moving bro...spin plates until you are 32ish...gain experience. But most of all build your base, your passion, your future..birches ain't shit man..

[–]returnofthequack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dude. You are a super thoughtful, eloquent and intelligent creature. I've heard this story before, but just this morning it really hit the spot for me. Sitting in an empty nest, littered with red cups and beer stains, I yearn to just chill with that one girl that's disrespecting me. Rationally, I know it's over. In realpolitik - she was flexing her ass playing a game of beer pong in front of me while I was primarily ignoring her. I didn't choose this. I just wanted to fuck and be nice to someone hot enough. Now I have to next her and it's taxing. it's tiring. "Maybe", I think to myself, "I can still fix this? " I don't want to go back to cold macking. She is my best friend's, girlfriend's best friend. I saw trips together. I want to focus on my career. A lot of what you wrote resonates with me and I know you're basically the same as me, in many ways. Thanks for sharing your shit and good luck - it sounds like you're on the right path.

[–]teepeetastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what you call a whirlwind, they are very strong, but they dissipate very quickly.

Self-control is what you lack.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's good to learn a lesson the hard way. I learned this same lesson at 8 years old. A girl I liked I found out was dating other guys more than a dozen. I rounded them up confronted her and dumped her ass.

Women just like girls keep a rotating door of men. Your never the only one. She's already made up her mind and has a list of guys standing by the moment you dump her.

The most loyal women I know has cheated on her man what makes you any better? Do what you need to with her and broom her fast.

[–]binarynightmare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Isn't there some rule that basically says the past sacrifices/resources you give to a woman have absolutely no impact on her future loyalty?

Also, when you're feeling up to it, celebrate the fact that you are still young and didn't have a kid with her.

[–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (4 children)

...and the best part? That this will happen with EVERY semi to very attractive woman that will you date/marry. This is the new norm. You can put on an endless Red Pill clown show for them with negs and frame or go MGTOW+pussy.

It is REALLY hard to not give in and move in with them and have someone to sleep next to every night...but we all know how that ends. My current lady-friend has a big house, financially secure, pursues and fucks me like mad, and begs me to move in with her. But, I know that will all disappear in 6 months if I do.....

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You can put on an endless Red Pill clown show for them with negs and frame or go MGTOW+pussy.

Once you internalise the pill it stops being a show. You just know how valuable you are and how much more joy your hobbies, gym or just a good night of sleep can bring you.

A woman? Woman here, woman there, no point chasing, no point limiting myself to one. And the bitches just love when you're not exclusive. You want to do something for the girl, don't be exclusive.

... unless they're on birth control. But that's another story.

It is REALLY hard to not give in and move in with them and have someone to sleep next to every night...

9 years married, had someone to sleep next to every night.

2 years out, I'd rather sleep alone. During those 2 years I had a girl sleep over 3-4 times and I spent the night at some girl's maybe 2-3 times max.

"Sleeping next to someone" is overrated.

We're men. We're not women, for god's sake.

[–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey I'm with you man. I'm a bit of a man-whore though....women generally come on to me (lucky on the genetic lottery). Totally faithful during marriage, but totally unhinged as a single man. I do sleep better alone though too.

We suffered through a marriage (I had two) and the subsequent divorces, so we earned (paid) our right to freedom and pussy. "Married men" are generally a bunch of jealous cunts when they see me leaving with younger women at work etc. They are probably worse than women in causing needless drama...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why is it inevitable that living together daily would lead to a loss of attraction?

[–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because....once the "pursuit" is no longer part of the equation, her evolutionary propensity for a desire to be sexually conquered will drive to seek that from another man.....she "has you".

Though this is all pre-red pill knowledge dating back to the baroque era Casanovas....they subconsciously want you to fuck them and leave.....even though that is the EXACT opposite of everything you'll ever hear from them. That is "longing and desire" for women, their most highly aroused state.

[–]deville05 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude... She saved you and opened your heart. She wasn't perfect like you wanted her to be. She was the catalyst that made you grow up. You need to feel love and then feel heart break to change and grow. So be thankful and learn from your experience.

You did manly things as a boy. All these list of things that require commitment are supposed to be done at a later stage in life. You werent ready and it didn't work out. So what?

Stop being butthurt. You werent attractive or interesting enough for her to want to stick to you. But someday if you put yourself on the right path, you will be

[–]livepilgrim 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yooooo, there was a time I did the exact same revenge for the exact same reason. I regretted it and maybe you will too. Comfort yourself with the thought that she is not gonna be your wife. Did she cheat before? What was her N count when you met her? This sort of thing leaves people bitter, so I will tell you not to be bitter. Relationships are possible--if you don't try to turn a ho into a wife.

EDIT: OP: many men have gone the same path you do, it is a hard one, it sucks, people like her will maybe have a good relationship, more likely it will suck but in the end of the day you have to choose what to do with the person you should care about most--yourself.

[–]quansau1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry bro, girls can be heartless cunts in a flash. They say all is fair in love and war, I think that should he changed to love is war. Especially with the honor less men and women we have roaming about. Just know her actions in no way are a reflection of your status as a man/person. Only you determine that. She wants to shit on you and say your most precious gift you could give another person is worthless? Fine, don't cast your pearls to swine and feel jaded when they're eaten, this bitch doesn't deserve your love and devotion. These are harsh lessons life tends to throw us, but the flip side is, hotter girls are in your future and a jelly belly for the bitch.

[–]GREYnRED 3 points4 points  (1 child)

When I turned 22 I was still a virgin(now I'm not thanks to TRP). I was angry that why couldn't I find "LOVE". I was depressed and promised myself to commit suicide on or before my 30th birthday.Before TRP i would spend all my day watching Netflix n the fancy love stories with the loser becoming a winner. I was paranoid ABOUT the thought of getting cheated on. Everytime I heard about a disloyal woman my heart would drop and I get this almost anxiety attack.Now It's been 6 months since I joined TRP. The best posts I've red basically reminds Men about the power they hold that "I don't need a woman to be happy". Now I don't spend any time on TV. I have accepted that if I got chewed I'll just move on . Now the more time I spent outside of my place(with or without my buddies) I see how many options I have . Men today with their shit jobs and lifestyle are stuck with the idea of a special girl or that "It's better Alone than being with someone wrong"this is all b.s . Slay as much as you can.

[–]shawnx23 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i am 22. i do get angry why couldn't I find "LOVE".i am virgin. History is repeating again, should better man the fuck up.

"Slay as much as you can." ---------- BRO <3

[–]GunnarX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you’ve learned a LOT. It’s time to move on and practice it. Do not blame your ex because you allowed this to happen.

Good luck.

[–]murt98 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I down mean to downplay your pain, but why the hell would you expect genuine romance from a relationship that started out as FWB.?

[–]SKRedPill 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I had a similar problem in the part where you're "trying to help her drive and get jobs". You were helpful, but as I once had to hear "My dad would do that for me too..." -- so that isn't what attracts her to you. If she has a concept of gratitude or devotion to you (yeah I know, that's too old school to think of. I'm literally asking for a female Buddha in today's times), she might have stayed, but even in such a case, that's not where attraction comes from.

Attraction only comes the more attractive qualities you exhibit. That's why negotiated attraction doesn't exist. In fact, it might send enough "older brother" or "father" vibes to start neutralizing sexual desire (there's an effect for it, I forget what it's called. I think this is what's happening in most marriages -- desire as a rule is always stronger when you're purely romancing than when you've got too much mundane stuff to deal with in between.

[–]cyanidez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, you're getting a lot of advice but all I urge you to do is experience where you are now, feel it, sometimes it will hurt and feel like you're dying, but feel it, welcome it and let it pass.

PLEASE do NOT let it fester and become a bitter fuck that just takes out your pain on women. That simply leads to more pain down the road. Take it slow. Be where you are now. It's okay. It really is okay to be where you are now. Just let the pain come. Journal to get your thoughts out more. Just write shit down, what you're feeling, what you're thinking etc.

Learn what you can, but I would even take a break from TRP or anything like that at the moment. You should NOT just go and date a million other girls just yet. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to mourn what happened to you. Let your heart heal a bit first.

Good luck friend

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Revenge

A dish best unserved.

Practice game during the relationship.

Atta boy. Always be lining up options.... because she will doing it too.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone -1 points0 points  (4 children)

Fuck youre a bitch.

She fucked with you because she could

[–]itsjustsimon- 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I guess some of you were born redpilled. People learn ffs...

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

He didn't learn, he's asking to be taught.

Its not as if a month of reading can answer it. It's value leeching, plain and simple

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't worry, man. We, as a community, all passed the way you just experienced. So, we are with you, but most importantly, you have yourself on your side.

Trust the Red Pill and you'll be well.

Trust it.

[–]1atticusfinch1973 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just chiming in to say that your story is not unusual to any of us that have been through this process.

My advice is to read up on stoicism and embrace it. Basically at this stage of the game I can look at anything that I'm supposed to get emotional and have a reaction about and realize that it is just the passage of time and look at it with a subjective mind. Doesn't mean I don't feel emotion, but I can much more easily recognize what I should be concerned with and shouldn't.

I can accept that I love my current partner and choose to spend time with her and only her, but also accept that she may one day disappear and accepting that ahead of time means that if it does happen it won't hit me as hard. You have a long and potentially awesome life ahead of you, don't waste it.

[–]Losingsteamfast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And don't try to get revenge. That shit is petty and should be beneath you.

[–]ManlyB860 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Starting a relationship being convinced it will end ? what's the point of this ?

[–]356dc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only a bitch is afraid of getting hurt.

[–]BusterVadge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your "lessons learned" are all reactionary. Once you give yourself some time to heal and to gain perspective you're going to cross a lot of these "learned lessons" off of your list and add more important ones to that list in their place.

My advice: Be still. Sit with your pain for a bit and use it as fuel to push yourself in the gym and to reinvent your life a little. Then come back in a month or two and post what additional things you have learned.

[–]alleyteris 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this was definately a tough read for me cause trust me i can relate .Time will heal you eventualy brother .And remember that you must put yourself first and your happiness , and NEVER make a single person the only source of happiness be it a man or a woman .My condolences for your brothers and fathers death but honor their memory by moving on and start being happy because its all you can do.There will be plenty of women in your road just KEEP IMPROVING

[–]the_deliberators 0 points1 point  (0 children)

god dayum thats phucked bruh.

In Islam, the good steps are you own your woman if you reiterate and replicate all the TRP ethos.

[–]thatdboy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck that, I wouldve beat that bitch's ass. You let her off easy.

[–]SKRedPill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And here's another case : https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-deepest-secret-about-you/answers/78118868

TL : DR - Husband has no game and this is probably a case of 2 broken individuals. Wife ends up fucking Chad rather easily. TRP is universal.

[–]enkae7317 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't need to get "revenge" bro. That's bluepill as fuck. Acknowledge the fact that women will do what they do best. Smile about how dumb you were and be glad now more informed you are.

And most importantly: move on.

[–]setsuna0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate to you, OP. I want to say that you're on the right path. Keep working on yourself because at the end of everything that's all you have. Get inspired by this pain. Let it be the catalyst for something great.

My ex broke up with me after 5 years. Shes still with that coworker. It pains me even to this day. Because I've been single this entire time. Struggling with the pain. But, I'm actually grateful. This pain taught me a lifetime of lessons. I feel like now I can unlock my higher self that i was too blind to see.

[–]ScumbagPotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I extend my hand out to you, OP. Welcome home.

[–]swordshab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome to the anger phase

[–]asotranq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you were in a shitty situation, but it's 100% your fault. Taking somebody back is almost never a good idea, the reasons it ended will manifest again soon, and you were stupid and naive to fall for her shit. You've got a lot of personal growth to do, ask yourself why it was that you let this woman into your life again and again. This is a victory for you as long as you learn and grow from it.

[–]sinchurch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“always remember you will not be the last man to enjoy it” - Absolute truth!

[–]tastelikesunshine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That suck bro .. good on you for getting healthy the pain goes away one day even if the memories stay

[–]sunbro29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of red flags, which I'm happy you admitted to. This 4 year relationship shouldn't have gone past month 4, to be honest.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mistake was thinking she wasn't fucking that dude saved under a family name. Pretty sure the only reason why anyone would ever save someone's number under a fake name is if they're having an affair with them lol.

Chase a check. Never chase a bitch. Always keep bitches in rotation and keep a harem going. You can "love" her while having side pieces. If she can't accept that then that's her problem.

[–]D_Hamm35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry you're hurting bro. But I am glad you're working on bettering yourself. I can see that you're still dealing with a lot of pain, which might be clouding your judgement a bit.

Do not idealize marriage, family, or home ownership.

Why not? Marriage, family, children, having a home are some of the most wonderful things that a person can have when they are with the correct partner.

Do not hamster yourself into monogamy. Monogamy does not exist

That's not true. Perhaps you don't have the right examples around you, but my parents have been together for ages, never cheated, and still go on little date nights and vacations constantly, totally crazy about eachother. My grandparents also had a beautiful marriage, my grandpa said he only got through WWII because he wanted to get back to my grandma. My wife's parents also have a solid marriage and live for their children.

You're really seeing things in gloomy colors right now because your ex did a number on you. But she doesn't represent your true partner. She doesn't have the right morals and it will come back and bite her in the ass when the man she will actually fall in love with will break her heart.

[–]dankweed -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

Final lesson: https://farm1.staticflickr.com/11/12727270_edefa517b1.jpg Monogamy is dead. Women are >50% prone to cheating in relationships I read while searching Google. Best bet is to keep a spreadsheet of the women you like, fuck them in a general rotation all every so often while keeping them demanding your penis, and if you are fond of one the most spend the time you want to spend with her - like an escort kinda. Never commit.

[–]BlackWhiteRedYellow -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dude. This reads like satire. You can't be fucking serious

[–]Lambdal7 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Eh, the exact same story happens with the guy cheating millions of of times a year. Don't see much value in here.

[–]uznhov -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I read that long fucking sob story and was disappointed. You're looking for relationship advice in wrong forum. Most of these people are douche bags if that's what you want to be than that's the relationship you will have. Getting hurt is part of life once you get your heart broken and recover it will never hurt that bad again. Don't let this turn you into a dick and hurt women because you got hurt. If it matters I am 45m Divorced w 3 boys and after 2yrs in a ltr that I enjoy. Good luck.

[–]Drakonlord -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

There are actually girls out there who wont cheat on you. AWALT helps guys avoid oneitis but the truth is it isn't factual. You just dated a cheating whore. Next time you will know not to date a cheating whore.