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Red Pill TheoryIf you have to say the word "BUT". (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1atticusfinch1973

Many years ago when Dr. Phil (yes, that Dr. Phil) was a flash in the pan, I remember watching one of his shows about relationship psychology. In it he simply stated that you make a statement - then anything that follows the word BUT is immediately a way to justify false behavior and invalidates anything said before it.

This always resonated with me and I have used it throughout my years to make myself realize when I'm using false validation to justify what could potentially be a bad choice. It's simple but effective.

Recently on asktrp there have been a rash of "this girl did x BUT" posts. For example: "This girl told me we can't have sex BUT she's a 9 and really cool so should I keep trying". No. Next. Simple answer but many here don't seem to understand it.

This applies to many areas in life. "I want a better job BUT the one I'm in now pays well and gives me benefits. Should I change?" No. Because you don't really want to badly enough, if you did you wouldn't ask the question. "My relationship has all sorts of red flags BUT she's never been shady before, should I trust her?". No. Because you know what she's doing and need to get the hell out. "I set up a date with this girl and she flaked BUT she said she's free next week. Should I give her another chance?" No. If she wanted to see you she wouldn't have flaked.

The next time you make a statement and have to put a BUT with it , think about the original statement and ask yourself if you're really trying to just talk yourself out of a decision or a question that you really know the answer to. Applying this in many areas of your life not only helps you make firm decisions without constantly second guessing yourself but it also allows you to really evaluate what is going on with relationships and even situations you might need a decision about.


[–]IronJohnKwando 252 points253 points  (20 children)

replace the word “but” with “and”. Clears that shit right up. “But” creates doubt. “And” adds useful additional info. “And” creates an opportunity for ownership & more possibilities vs “but”.

“I don’t want to break up with you, BUT I want to bang other women.” (either/or)

vs

“I don’t want to break up with you, AND I want to bang other women.” (both/and)

[–]general-heartless 99 points100 points  (1 child)

This is a simple trick straight out of "How to Win Friends and Influence People". And i can attest; it is very effective.

[–]zyqkvx 29 points30 points  (0 children)

"I want to bang your sister but it's wrong"

becomes

"I want to bang your sister and it's wrong"

Very Empowering.

[–]i4mn30 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Please apply to job dilemma:

I want to get a better paying job but the current one offers stability albeit the low pay.

[–]hitmanpl47 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Start applying before quitting.

[–]i4mn30 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well I'm already doing that like any sane person would.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 37 points38 points  (1 child)

there is no catch all rule with this. use your head to know when to do what op says and when to not.

[–]S-Blaze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

''I'm not a pro with this and I've worked years on x which is similar''

''I'm not a pro with this but I've worked years on x which is similar''

[–]Store_Front_Door 117 points118 points  (38 children)

While I understand what you're trying to say, I don't really follow your given examples

  • "I set up a date with this girl and she flaked BUT she said she's free next week. Should I give her another chance?"

If she flaked and offered another time for a date why wouldn't you accept? Especially if it's a first date. Life happens

  • "My relationship has all sorts of red flags BUT she's never been shady before, should I trust her?"

Judge her by her actions, not her words. If she's not doing anything shady, no need to jump the gun.

[–]white_girl_lover 204 points205 points  (3 children)

Bro if she isn't letting u do anal within 2 bitcoin transfer confirmations, she's banging another alpha

[–]1Tommy_407 27 points28 points  (2 children)

can we not bring bitcoin into this

[–]e_z_p_z_ 94 points95 points  (2 children)

bro if shes not blowing you within the first 30 minutes of meeting you then she obviously just fucked someone more alpha beforehand. don't waste your time

[–]ctrl_alt_el1te 91 points92 points  (1 child)

bro if she takes more than 30 seconds to respond to your text that’s because she’s busy gargling Chad’s balls, you should go lift more

[–]UshankaDalek 34 points35 points  (0 children)

This feels like SubredditSimulator

[–]Stokestix 106 points107 points  (26 children)

No, no, you don't understand. The girl must give up everything and treat you like a king, do whatever you want and whenever you want. Otherwise, next! /s

[–]Store_Front_Door 54 points55 points  (1 child)

Fuck, you're right. Be right back, dropping my plates for not providing cheap labour!

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

If she rescheduled then she didn't flake.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If she flaked and offered another time for a date why wouldn't you accept? Especially if it's a first date. Life happens

Depends on the reason. Flat tire, mother in hospital, forgot about a different arrangement, etc. are all legit reasons to skip a date.

If she just didn't show up and then a few hours after you've gotten home said "I'm so sorry, I had a thing. Can we do it tomorrow?" that's when you just move on.

[–]DannyLovesDerby 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the case of your first example you could say " so she rescheduled"

[–]RedPillN00B 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the red flags would be actions. that example was meant to show that just because she wasn't acting shady before, she's acting shady now. NO, you should not trust her

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[removed]

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]JensenMse 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    This "but" business always adds more confusion to your decision making. More often time than not, you need to trust your gut because it mostly tells you what's wrong and what you need to do to fix the issue.

    If a relationship has tons of red flags and you feel your soul is being sucked away for nothing, your gut will tell you to eject. Backward rationalizing using "but" will only make you believe your own lies that everything is okay when it really isn't. Trust your gut, it exists for a reason.

    [–]SS2907 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    One of my old high school teachers told us BUT stands for Behold the Underlying Truth

    [–]BurnoutRS 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    "This girl told me we can't have sex BUT she's a 9 and really cool so should I keep trying". No. Next. Simple answer but many here don't seem to understand it.

    Are you new here? "we can't have sex" is more often than not a shittest.

    Run along Atticus, I think I hear Scout calling

    [–]LeftHookTKD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Not worth my time. Not going to keep persisting some dumb cunt for sex when I can get it elsewhere without the hassle.

    [–]BourbonKing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    One of my sales managers once told me that when you use the word "but" it cancels everything you said before.

    [–]cantcme13 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    "Babe I accidentally tripped and fell on that cock but; I still love you."

    [–]mbuda03 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    "Babe I accidentally tripped and fell on that cock and I still love you."

    makes more sense now :D

    [–]VickVaseline 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    "Simple answer BUT many here don't seem to understand it. "

    [–]general-heartless 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yes, good post. Thanks for sharing. I usually avoid using the word but. It is painful for that word to even leave my mouth.. because I know once It's out of my mouth, I am open on all sides to all sorts of criticisms and people just disagreeing with me for the sake of it. I usually never say "but".

    [–]SoulTenor00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Bro, I just stood up from my chair in my bedroom with my tank top and boxers on and gave you standing ovation. Best thing I read all day!

    [–]Self-honest 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    make a statement - then anything that follows the word BUT is immediately a way to justify false behavior and invalidates anything said before

    I want to eat ice cream, but I'm trying to lose weight.

    I want to call my ex, but that's a bad fucking idea.

    So you mean if you make a negative statement, then use the word "but", you're hamstering?

    Recently on asktrp there have been a rash of "this girl did x BUT" posts. For example: "This girl told me we can't have sex BUT she's a 9 and really cool so should I keep trying". No. Next. Simple answer but many here don't seem to understand it.

    Clean up your thoughts. Do you mean, someone is an orbiter and continues to embrace oneitis?

    LMR exists and you should keep trying when a 9 says you can't have sex.

    "I want a better job BUT the one I'm in now pays well and gives me benefits. Should I change?" No. Because you don't really want to badly enough, if you did you wouldn't ask the question.

    Yes. If you have to ask the question, the answer is usually yes. Also, "I want a BETTER JOB, should I change?" YES

    Here you're negating the want for a better job by stating that this job pays well with benefits. Wouldn't a better job pay more, or have some better benefits?

    "My relationship has all sorts of red flags BUT she's never been shady before, should I trust her?". No. Because you know what she's doing and need to get the hell out.

    What kind of relationship is it? If she's doing everything right, keep fucking her. Don't ignore red flags. Don't over promote girls.

    "I set up a date with this girl and she flaked BUT she said she's free next week. Should I give her another chance?" No. If she wanted to see you she wouldn't have flaked.

    Things happen. If she rescheduled, I'm giving her another chance. I get your concept, BUT I think you need to clarify your examples or thoughts better. It's a little confusing sounding.

    [–]DrankOfSmell 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    "I take full responsibility BUT it was all of these other peoples fault why I lost"

    -Hillary Clinton (paraphrased)

    Hillary. You're the reason you lost.

    [–]MisterRoid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good post! It's important to avoid using bad words, and "but" is one of them. I also recommend to use words and sentences such as "maybe", "sorry", "please" and "in my opinion" sparingly.

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Anything said by a women should be assumed to be false or untrue. Women are masters at physiological war and will say anything to win. When a man says no it means no when a women says no it means try again.

    [–]white_girl_lover 10 points11 points  (2 children)

    Did you mean psychological? Unless you meant that women are physically deceptive, but thats still a psychological motive.

    Dont angrily respond to me like a weird autist plzz

    [–]JellyRev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It can still stand. That light touch, that kiss, even a lay can be physiological war. break up, make up, and ex sex.

    [–]bhoirronak52 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Someone rightly said,''Anything said before 'but' doesn't count."

    [–]MarkJohnPaul 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I think it's "anything before the but is bullshit"

    [–]thenerok -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    "What did father use to say? Everything before the word "but" is horse shit." Jon Snow

    Guess that if you mix Lord Eddard's words with Dr.Phil's, you get a brainfuck trying to figure out the crapiness of the sentence.

    [–]h4nkz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Dale Carnegie mentioned this in his book "how to win friends and influence people". Never use the word but if you want a person to believe in your whole sentence. Instead use and. For example: Your grades are good, but they could be better. First part of your sentence is destroyed. Instead say this: Your grades are good and I think you can do even better! Huge psychological impact

    [–]acekilo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Anything after BUT IS BULLSHIT!!!!

    [–]Low_Cost_Chimp_Meat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Are you sure? "We were going to work on the expense reports late night at work, but, we ended up fucking..."

    [–]zombi-roboto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I generally agree with your concept, but your cited source is "Doctor" Phil.