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Red Pill TheoryBuilding sexual attraction with a woman is like baking a cake (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

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[–]MrGreySD 167 points168 points  (22 children)

Whilst it may be stated here numerous times already, I think it's good to have a periodic reminder about what is one of the most counter-intuitive and commonly misunderstood aspects of women.

It's too easy to think "She's having fun. I'm having fun. What's the harm in talking/messaging her more. As long as I'm not too over the top. If she's mature she'll hate playing games anyway".

As somebody who does well with women already, the above is one of my most common errors.

Well summarised. This is what I needed.

[–][deleted]  (13 children)

[deleted]

    [–]MrGreySD 42 points43 points  (8 children)

    Great examples and all very true in my experience too.

    Great pointer with the nudes. Sending a nude is something they'll be sat waiting for a reaction to. No wonder it drives them crazy.

    I witnessed my bluepill friend (who's high SMV but with a blue pill mentality) do the opposite of this. He instantly responded to a nude with "oh my fucking god you're so fucking gorgeous". I cringed.

    [–]thefactor91 6 points7 points  (4 children)

    What's the best way to respond to pics?

    [–]vitamann 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I play cool, no matter how hot. If she has iMessage, I do a thumbs up. The less you say, the better. If you turn on Read Receipts, she will see you read / saw the nude, but you haven't replied, it'll drive her nuts :)

    If you blow a load on texts, she will get gun shy.

    [–]zyqkvx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I witnessed my bluepill friend (who's high SMV but with a blue pill mentality) do the opposite of this. He instantly responded to a nude with "oh my fucking god you're so fucking gorgeous". I cringed.

    Would texting her back asking if I pay the $3 extra if I can see it in 3D be good or bad?

    [–]CEtro569 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Would like to know the best way too

    [–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 22 points23 points  (1 child)

    The girl I'm seeing now has recently been talking about how I never text her and it confuses her, and she says she's always thinking about me.

    She admitted your current behavior is generating a desired result.

    [–]zyqkvx 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    good morning texts

    What I think this one comes down to is a binary choice. Either you text her good morning, and she feels complete, then you are disposable or you don't and she is still incomplete and wants to get close to completion again (wants to fuck again). You have to choose to be dead [to her after morning texts] or Dread [her with your absents]. If you do not decide you still have made a choice: dread, which is nice.

    Correlation: If you want to kill a woman's attraction to you because you don't want to deal with her any more just text her too much, but we already knew that.

    Correlation 2: Being a little flaky is helpful dread.

    [–]TelemachusRising 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    “If she’s mature she’ll hate playing games anyway....”

    That one killed me long after I had some game. Game-TRP principles= fail.

    [–]woodie_wood 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    This is one of those red pill reality flips that need to be swallowed and re-swallowed. Awalt.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    What's the harm in talking/messaging her more.

    but why? What's the actual reason here?

    [–]Cissnowflake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The reason is you will over pursue and she will lose attraction to you.

    [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 45 points46 points  (1 child)

    In the early dating period, she's on probation. She has to earn you.

    Easy way to test if you are doing this right: are you ditching women who fail? If you're asking "how do I look like I am vetting her", you're doing it wrong. If you're ditching half the women who would like to fuck you, then you're vetting them. Then you tell women you see when you do it. They'll appreciate that you haven't done the same to them while realising that you still might. Never tell them you won't.

    Women get a lot of attention

    Most of it from needy losers. Women are only interested in the top men, so you can discount most of her options as worthless to her. It's not like how a man with options would act. Women use betas as emotional tampons.

    Girls like to have sex with "badboys" because challenges are conquests, and conquests are fun. "Badboys" succeed because they give women enough space to miss them.

    The critical parts of being "bad" are: extend zero female privilege to her, be attractive, be non-needy, escalate, be sexual.

    All you have to do is relax and spend your time focusing on creating a fulfilling life for yourself that will attract other people by default. (Focus on your mission in life)

    Escalate too.

    [–]0attr 31 points32 points  (3 children)

    This is how women feel when you shower them with attention too early on.

    Ha. It was touching to read this because, dang, we've all been there. Such a common experience, to go all in on a half-interested chick, and try to persuade her to love you through showing love yourself.

    Its beautiful to me now. You see how much love and excitement is in young men's hearts. How a nice looking woman can appear to them as a Goddess. We are all so scared by the strength of emotion we feel!! That's beautiful!

    I get that guys can be really angry towards themselves for 'acting foolish' in this way. But its ok. Its a nice thing, sign of a big heart. We ought to forgive ourselves for our boyish mistakes and realize we always were cool, we always were badass - showing emotion is badass. You are passionate like a young Romeo or a poet. That's a wonderful thing.

    If you were needy and codependent, that's ok too! Life slapped you on the wrist for it, don't make it bigger than it is!

    Guys shame themselves and blame themselves so much, just because something didn't work out. It's your early 20's, nothing is really supposed to work out! I know how bad it hurts to feel so powerless.

    And its when guys tie their self-worth to sex, which is easy to do, but not really correct - its when they make that poisonous connection, that the trouble begins. "I'm not a MAN unless ... XYZ" /etc. This brings out self-contempt and the desire to escape it by becoming Something Amazing.

    There is real beauty here, in all these guys and their suffering. In their stories. I know there is beauty also in their transformations., I'm working on appreciating that.

    Its a person struggling to become emotionally independent and self-realized. Its a beautiful thing.

    [–]pugh88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Nice balanced post and an important message.

    [–]RAiderNat88 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    •Nice guys are in a hurry - in a rush - to watch the cake rise, so they're constantly opening the door and saying "Is it done yet!? Is it rising?". And what happens is all the heat comes out of the oven, dissipating the sexual anticipation.

    Very common with newbies of Red Pill concepts as well. Time and time again I see guys ask why they aren't closing or how they fucked up but they aren't allowing that attraction to build. They aren't mind fucking their new bitches enough, one must remember the stronger the attraction the better the sex.

    [–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (4 children)

    So many ovens, so much batter to deposit...

    [–]uwey 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Be careful who you put bun in the oven.....

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    What most guys need to know is that there's a honeymoon period, when your girl can do no wrong. Most people have been conditioned to initiate a relationship within this period and it's done through actions specifically. As guys that are aware, we change the word "honeymoon" to "probation", put her on three months probation. Do throw her a bone though, like a nickname or some sweet behavior to show that you won't ghost. Sounds funny but screen her for three months. Funny enough it's not for the girl, it's for us. To keep our emotions in check while we're crazy about the new girl and are wearing rose tinted glasses. Just give her space, she'll come or not. Don't try to get her to come at all. Fill your space with awesome

    [–]zyqkvx 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    You just inspired a red pill theory that I should share here. Many of the traits redpillers attribute only to women equally apply to men (of course many don't as well).

    I was at a concert and saw a girl I thought was passable. She was just a 6.5 but there was some attraction so I talked to her. She gave me too much attention too soon. I went from curious if she was DTF to having no attraction in about 3 minutes. I think she said something like "Why can't I have a man like you." This same story repeated over the years with 2 other women. Also, lost attraction. If any of these were a 8.5+ and she was telling acting the same way I the attraction would still be DTF with plenty of attraction.

    The theory is those last two points bring her from a 6.5 to 8.5 are huge. If it works both ways then a male with 2 points over a girls expectation will allow him to get away with showing interest faster, which also is butt obviously true.

    tl;dr Theory is if your SMV is about the same as hers you will have to do the slow bake cake method. If your SMV is 2 higher then hers you can just grab her pussy, and that this dynamic works both ways for both sexes. TRP focuses on attributing the differences between men and women and forget to check if the dynamic works both ways.

    [–]red_matrix 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Indifference is the one thing that separates the men from the boys. If you think back to every girl that worshipped you and did anything for/to you it was probably some plate you didn't really care about. Now, think about a girl you loved to death, how long did that last? Indifference is hard to master but damn, if you can internalize it you'd be unstoppable.

    [–]h4nkz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    It's incredible how powerful the withdrawal of attention is. Just stop texting her and wait. It will seem like she doesn't care or is busy either, but her mind is going insane, wondering what you might be doing and if you still like her

    [–]BillSander 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Coach C... my first exposure to game came fro. Finding his stuff...

    [–]360_no_scope_upvote 18 points19 points  (4 children)

    The title makes no sense and will only confuse people. Being aggressive works, sometimes not waiting at all and going for it is the correct answer.

    Women want to come to you. Don't try to force things.

    My first date lays have happened because I was very aggressive in pursuing them and ignored the womans frame entirely. There was no baking the cake. Knowing then to strike when the iron is hot is more important than patience, patience is for the people who don't know what they're doing so they 'wait it out'.

    When you get to the point of internalizing the guides of TRP things like patience become fruitless, when you're making the right chess moves it doesn't matter anymore. Be HIGH SMV, 'building attraction' is for chumps.

    [–]Locogooner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I thinking maintaining attraction would be the more apt phrase.

    [–]ISaidThatOnPurpose 12 points13 points  (9 children)

    Anyone else feel like this whole thing about waiting for a woman to come to us through feigned indifference puts us into the feminine role?

    I worry about that sometimes..

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]ISaidThatOnPurpose 12 points13 points  (7 children)

      there are some holes here.

      If you're actually indifferent, then what difference does it make if women pursue you or not? You've sold your ability to taste for a mountain of sugar.

      Also, seems like a pipe dream. I've been actually indifferent to unattractive women and they give up. I've been actually indifferent to attractive women and they give up. And Visa Versa.

      To be clear, I'm not arguing, I'm trying to understand deeper levels by shining light on certain confusions I have.

      [–]cappingPeople 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      The indifference he's talking about(but can't put into words) is that you must be indifferent to her looks. That's it. No matter how hot she is, it doesn't phase you. Her looks doesn't give her a free pass to do what the fuck she wants. Talking to her already shows that you are attracted so playing games is stupid. You make her know that you're attracted just by approaching but show her your value by being 'indifferent' to her looks, "I pass hot bitches before, you're nothing special".

      [–]redpill77 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      I understand this problem. I used to confuse it as well. The key is to be indifferent to to any particular girl, not to sex. Like choosing an apple at the grocery store. You find one with a bruise you put it down without a thought. But you're still gonna eat an apple.

      Indifferent =/= ignoring.

      [–]chinese-bible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      First of all, feigned indifference works just fine. The key is, it's harder to feign indifference than actually just not care, but hey, most cases you don't have total control of that. If you're on a date with say Katy Perry, most of the time you will care. Only abundance + lack of desperation make you not give a shit. If you already have your dick sucked on the reg by a hot chick, another horse in the stable doesn't mean much if she just offers looks.

      But you can definitely fake (and should) fake indifference when you can.

      Indifference is more like, "unimpressed" or "Mr. Judging you" or "unsure about fucking you" .... not actual 100% nihilistic apathy.

      If you're on a date, it means you think the girl is attractive, or at least fun, in some capacity. Most of the time, you DO or are THINKING ABOUT fucking her, or else, why are you there??

      The trick is, fucking her is basically like eating a good Hamburger. You want to, but are you going to march to the ends of the Earth, or spend $40, or humiliate yourself, or whatever, for a decent hamburger? Not necessarily. You simply don't care that much. But hey, she's cool, let's fuck.

      You still PURSUE. That's the man's job. Not the woman's. You must MOVE the interaction along. You set up the date. You throw a few probing questions. You qualify her (judge her in aloof innocent fashion). You suggest another venue or cool shit at your apartment. You escalate on her. And fuck her.

      Trick is using the push-pull, of course. But no --- no one is suggesting to hide your attraction, desire to fuck her, or approval completely (if she has any talent or hobby or fucking anything other than her hot body, qualify that, pro tip++). The hotter she is the more reserved you should play it. The more "under your league" (but why go for this so much?) she THINKS she is, the more complements and approval you need to throw to her, or she'll panic she's not good enough and run away.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]ThePlayfulDom 14 points15 points  (1 child)

        Indifference + escalation. You still have to be the man. I think that's where you two are not meeting.

        [–][deleted]  (5 children)

        [deleted]

        [–]says_harsh_things 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Have a large social circle to begin with so you have a lot going on on the weekends. Invite girls out by text, but thats it. Don't follow up with a bunch of needy texts afterwards - just an invite and then potentially follow up with logistics if she's interested. Establish some sexual tension in person.

        [–]S-Blaze 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        Schools are the best places to let girls approach you because of the constant exposure and because you get the time to observe which ones interest you the most. If a girl approach you it's pretty much in the bag already and they will in time if they are really attracted to you. What you do depends on you, do you want to have quick fun or do you want to build sexual tension slowly where she will fantasize you and fancy you romantically.

        Bottomline is be at your best attraction wise. No need for reharsed lines and modus operandi if you enjoy yourself and you're genuinely cool with a good frame and you take good care of yourself.

        [–]TunedtoPerfection 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        watch out with getting to passive about this, I was like this and when I got out of college a had to relearn game as I never had to approach women. Also it's good to know how to build instant attraction as outside of your school years, it's very hard to meet up with women over a long period of time if your not actively making sure that happens.

        [–]Frenetic_Zetetic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Nice guys are in a hurry - in a rush - to watch the cake rise, so they're constantly opening the door and saying "Is it done yet!? Is it rising?". And what happens is all the heat comes out of the oven, dissipating the sexual anticipation.

        ^ This is incredibly accurate.

        [–]BeThyselfLoveThyself 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Good things come to those who wait, great things come to those who don't.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        People don't trust others who're too nice in general. They just assume you have some kind of ulterior motive. Especially people with low self-esteem will think you're gonna try to take advantage of them.

        Not being too nice to people is a good general life rule for men and women.

        [–]ironjohnred 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        "You would want to go scuba diving without an air tank. This is how women feel when you shower them with attention too early on."

        This hit hard. Describes exactly how I fucked up with an ex.

        [–]zealanderx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I think it's important to consider the kind of girl you are with,

        I have lost women because they were pissed no cake was made and I was trying to eat that gooey dough.

        I have lost women because I was trying to bake a cake and I didn't just reach in their fist deep for that gooey dough.

        [–]Kryptic_Knight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        There's really only one glaring issue most men have....overabundance ad absurdum. They will shower any girl that shows them some semblance of attention, with horrible displays of thirst. My best advice? Have a mantra. Have your friend or have a recording say this;

        "She's only a woman, only one of 3 billion, who shits, breathes and sleeps just like you. There's nothing special about her that you can't get over. "

        [–]Luckyluke23 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I wanna know why he has an electronic dartboard in the back of the video.

        [–]SuitGuySmitti 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        What women want

        I think they want that guy to use moisturizer.

        [–]africanpyjamas69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        He's 48 though. Lookin' hella good for his age.

        [–]alwaysRed25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Been lurking for a while and this is my first post. Texting too soon is one of the main reasons why i have messed up with so many girls. I never let the girl come to me because im always opening the oven door.

        Thanks for the post.. i have a feeling it is going to have a massive impact on me.

        [–]buttgoogler 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        So okay folks. I get that attention withdrawal is legit and it drives them crazy, but when do i return? Do i wait for her to text me first or should i show her some attention when the cake is ready? Appreciate any feedback.

        [–]crqze7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Saved. Incredibly valuable advice

        [–]JcHgvr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Until a woman is your "girlfriend", assume there are other guys in the picture.

        This is breaking at least two rules

        1. AWALT.

        2. She's not yours, it's just your turn.

        [–]Jonmad17 -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

        Let's be honest, aggressive, "needy" sexual attention can be acceptable in highly attractive men. Do you think they perceive Christian Grey as "needy" when he gives a speech about how he can't live without his woman, or do they perceive it as romantic? Being indifferent as an affectation is a way of faking value, but men with genuine value have the leeway to be lustful and romantic.

        [–]AwkwardEmpath 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Yes, maybe for an LTR, not basic plating.

        [–]TunedtoPerfection 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Your correct, whether or not an action is considered sexy or needy is based on a woman's attraction levels. Hell the same action remembered when a woman hates you can go from sexy when you did it, to needy and abusive after the break up. I have millions of text messages to back this up This is a truth you can't change, so in the red pill fashion you must work with that truth to use it to your benefit.

        Since you can't change that truth, manipulate it, learn to identify women who are attracted to you quickly so you can engage in those actions to explore that attraction. Polarize women quickly into loving you or hating you so your not wasting time. Most the women who "hate you" will get over it once a few of their friends are bragging about how well you fuck them. Women are victims to the hive mind, you just need to get the breeze blowing the right way so to speak.

        The cold hard truth, outside of the .1%, men will not generate enough attraction, from solely looks alone to gain enough experience with women. Most the one that throw themselves at you aren't worth your time, the ones worth your time have enough experience and self control/options to not have to do that. Women will make it easy for you, but they aren't going to do everything for you. Throwing your hands up and crying that "looks is the only way" is a defense mechanism. Stop that shit, face your fear, go get rejected.

        [–]circlingldn -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

        can you stop spamming this, this has been posted 100x