Take Self-Development seriously, but when you're 'in-field', let go and self-amuse (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by wizkid1234

A common trap I've been noticing is guys taking themselves too seriously. They go out with serious faces with the intent to get laid and come back pissed and unsuccessful. And this in itself is a totally flawed mindset.

Nevertheless, the question isn't all that simple. After all, it is necessary to get serious about your life if you want to change it.

So you may ask, how do you reconcile these supposedly opposite mindsets?

And the trick is polarity. And it really works well.

We've all heard the phrase the 'word-hard play-hard'. And despite it's clicheness, there is actually a great degree of truth in it. A lot of the great playboys operate in two different mindsets. They have their work attitude, i.e get serious, and get shit done. But when the play attitude kicks in, it's totally different

This play attitude is best described by self-amusement, troll-esque behavior, and humor. It's an overall I don't give a fuck attitude, achieved by merely letting go and enjoying yourself.

And this ties really well in with self-development. Because when you are 'working', you are increasing your value and when you are 'playing' you are expressing it.

  • Signs your in the 'play attitude':

  • You want to tease her

  • You are cocky

  • You poke fun at her

  • you really don't care what's happening around you - your just enjoying the moment

  • you do things because you want to, not because you have to (not 'I have to approach 4 sets tonight!')

  • you are not analyzing because you dont give a fuck - you operate naturally without thought

  • Signs your in the 'work' attitude

    • You don't want to get distracted
    • You don't take shit (obviously you don't take shit in the 'play' attitude, but you are more light-hearted )
    • You think in numbers, and are formulating a vision of success
    • you are meticulous and methodical
    • you are prone to analyzing

There may be some guys that take picking up girls like mathematical formulas, but trust me, that's not what the cool guys are doing. They are living life, giving zero fucks and being in the present. And you can gain an edge on them - by being serious about improving yourself, your finances and health when you are not being a socialite.

Edit: If you enjoyed this post, you can follow me on twitter where I post maxims. https://twitter.com/HlghRoller_life

[–][deleted] 159 points160 points  (13 children)

The term you're looking for is "Amused Mastery".

[–]DamnDatAssSoFine 1 points1 points [recovered]

Please tell me more about this amused mastery

[–][deleted] 106 points107 points  (8 children)

Anything outside your frame is slightly funny at best. (Amused)

Anything in your frame you have complete control of. (Mastery)

[–]Eclectiqque 4 points5 points  (0 children)

never saw it that way. thanks

[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Any books or dare I say, youtube people you recommend to follow up on what you have written? cheers.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The first part is paraphrased from a post by u/weakandsensitive, a mod over on marriedrp, wrote concerning frame....

It's been covered before - but new guys get the concept of frame all wrong. Frame isn't something you hold or you don't, it's something you have or don't. Frame is your world view and your reality. Everything that isn't in your reality is funny, amusing, or irrelevant.

The post is titled,

"Men with no frame and the things they do." Search and read.

The second part is self explanatory - if your frame is strong then by definition you have achieved agency over your situation.

So, while the ideas are evident and pluckable as low hanging fruit if you spend quality time here, I did indeed pull that couplet out of my ass.

Not sure you'd want to see a video of that.

[–]EPArt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

off topic but your user name gave me fond sbf memories was a great lp.

[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 0 points1 point  (1 child)

YYYYYEEEEESSSS!!!! Finally, someone noticed xD Dayum, made my night dude! haha YES! yeah oh just oh, that was a beautiful lp. "Smells like Al-bed bruddah" lol. or that one time when Woolie asked "What day is white day (that Japanese holiday)" and Matt says "Everyday" then Pat starts laughing his ginger ass off xD

wow, did not expect someone from TheRedPill would notice my username's reference xD

[–]EPArt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your welcome man. Ah white day was a classic lol. No homo love those guys the Internets a big place that username to me was like walking around with a wakanda forever shirt.

[–]ZigzagLumen 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Rollo Tomassi’s site ‘The Rational Male’ has a good article on Amused Mastery

[–]Tdonuts 58 points59 points  (8 children)

Your arbitrary use of your, and you're gives me anxiety.

[–]wizkid1234 1 points1 points [recovered]

Your taking you're self too seriously ;)

[–]mnlpdr 6 points7 points  (1 child)

In Brazil, we call it 'gastura', something in the line of 'agony'. Same here.

[–]frooschnate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You peeps got some odd slang and words. I always expected your word for hincha to be something similar, and then I found out it was torcedores. Same happened with gracias and obrigado.

[–]1Your_Coke_Dealer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yore a real piece of work, you know that?

[–]PhaedrusHunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it's just autocorrect. Also typing in a phone can be a bitch.

I just hedge by using the all encompassing yer

[–]binarynightmare 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The four rules of being in the field/picking up women, regardless of which book you read or what guru you follow:

  1. Approach women
  2. Dress and act in a way you are comfortable / feel cool doing.
  3. Remember, women are just people too: at the end of the day you are just striking up conversations and meeting people.

[–]tboyacending 24 points25 points  (0 children)

This is good. Someone had to address all the macho "I'm important" attitude that a lot of guys bring to this sub. Letting go is important, besides, if you're taking yourself too seriously you lose perspective.

[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Fucking A. Needed to read this, thank you sir

[–]wizkid1234 1 points1 points [recovered]

Awesome to hear that, hope it helped.

[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it has in that, i already do these things occasionally but never knew why...if that makes sense xD think of it like this, some things you describe, i do in bursts but your post defo has made me focused and understand my "bursts" better and how to achieve a continued state of being. cheers and keep up the good work :D

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

This is the biggest mistake ive ever made!! Going out into a fun social setting, determined and serious. What the fuck was wrong with me?? So now whenever I want to really make a fun time for everyone, I smoke/vape some weed and have an amazing time. Everyone brightens up around me when im stoned. I just become an unlimited ball of wild, crazy, dominant, positive vibes. Kinda like conor mcgregor when hes shit talking. I just stop giving a fuck and have an amazing time.

[–]dropit_reborn 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This is a good post because it untangles the seemingly contradictory nature of posts you'll see here, things like:

"TRP PSA: Take your time very seriously,"


"The guide to IDGAF."

It takes judgment to distinguish when to do which; a quick rule of thumb would be to turn on serious-face when alone, and idgaf when with others.

The ideal end state is: your work in serious-mode has improved your life such that you feel comfortable cutting loose a bit when others are around.

[–]BornShook 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Are there really people on this sub that go home after work, and continue to stress about work? Or go to a bar stressed out about whether or not theyre going to get laid that night? That's not a very fun or interesting way to live.

[–]Everybodypoopsalot 1 points1 points [recovered]

Lmao, i certainly take stress from work with me. Agree that it's a shitty way to live, but not so easy to avoid in some fields with some jobs.

[–]BornShook 0 points1 point  (2 children)

if you're on top of your shit, and you take pride in your work than you shouldnt be too stressed. idk though. I cant speak for everyone who gets stressed about work.

[–]Everybodypoopsalot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What field are you in? Jealous, but i like the philosophy.

[–]BornShook 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in college. I'm a blue collar worker at the moment working 4 days a week. Getting a good paying job this summer with more hours than I'm used to so Ill tell you how that goes. Im kind of excited to actually have something to do all day. I hope it doesnt stress me out but I dont think it will

[–]INNASKILLZ2K18 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like to think of it as a 'control' thing.

When I am working on self-development, goals, gym, learning etc etc...I need to be in control of myself. I need to be disciplined, focused, really controlling my behaviour to get my goals achieved. If I have set my goals as processes and rituals...I need to control myself seriously to make sure they get done. That's within my power.

When I'm out, with women, the whole fuck'n outcome is outta my control. How they take me, how they react, is totally outside of my control. The more serious and controlling I get, the more frustrating and unenjoyable it becomes.

So better to let go, enjoy and don't be outcome invested.

The serenity prayer is good. God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE.

[–]cappingPeople 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Please edit but good post overall. A lot of the time I find myself in these situations where I literally forget to smile. Not enjoying yourself does more harm than good in the long run.

[–]BobbyPeru 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I literally forget to smile.

Smiling should be effortless

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes, both smiling and frowning should come from a smooth and calm centered zen-like place.

[–]red_matrix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guys need to internalize this message. Don't just read it, believe it.

[–]0rientado -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah? How to let go and self amuse?

[–]MarcosDomingues -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I think this is just common knowledge tbh