TL;DR: Go out, shit shower style, stop being in your head and invited people in.

I've been introverted my whole life. It's not a social handicap, it's not a dislike of people or socializing in general, it's not anything you probably attribute it to. I can command a crowd, I can pick up women, I can talk to men and make new friends. Introversion just means I figure out life reflectively instead of through my actions. Extroverts take action, and based on results continue or modify that action then try again. This is how they get energy to socialize, through the constant testing of these actions and the instantaneous results they provide. Introverts analyze our experiences, build theories and then test those theories to be later analyzed and compared. Hashing out a new theory excites and drives us. The actual testing and gathering of data we would much rather outsource with strict guidelines.

The fact of the matter is, we am very rare. Most introverts have been breed out of existence, because introversion isn't the best trait to have when you need to adapt quickly. While an Extrovert can solidify a belief pretty much "on the fly", introverts usually have a few things to consider before making the same core change. Now I said it wasn't a social handicap, and it's not, in fact it can benefit us greatly socially. But, introverts will need to make some changes to succeed in becoming a social person.

Isolation

First things first. Introversion is not being shy, being awkward, being a "loner" , or any of that. Now many introverts are those things but those things have to do with the isolation young introverts usually put ourselves in. Isolation is a big problem with young introverts because of how fast young kids "grow up" these days. It is very easy for a young introvert to be "left behind" socially and never be able to catch up with his peers. Make it a point to ensure your being social as it is easy to forget. Force yourself to go outside and interact with the world. Introverts need to make conscience effort to reach out and ensure we have opportunities to socialize. Go as far as planning events, don’t start with huge commitments unless you have a core group that will commit. Start with a drink or better offer to pre-game before an event a few friends are already going to. You will have to force your own socialization as a man, no one will do it for you, no matter how ripped/good you look. Don’t worry about being weird or awkward those will fall away in time as you get comfortable with interaction, but you have to act. This goes for social media too. Social media is a tricky one because it’s so fake to begin with. That is a topic for another article but in general when your coming out of your bubble just take action. Your gonna fuck up, your gonna weird some people out by „overstepping“ some imaginary boundary social people knew but you didn’t just do it and learn that boundary.

Today is the day you stop analyzing „what could have been“ and you forever analyze „what happened.“ If it did not happen to you, your not allow to analyze it. Anytime a what if situation pops in your head, think „I will have to try that and see what happens.“ Use discretion, obviously, but no more analyzing the 100 ways you could have asked out Courtney. You go do it, then analyze the situation later. By stopping the fantasy of „what if“ and you will open your own doors to the world.

The Basics

While I pretty much excelled in school, I was painfully far behind socially. The first girl I asked out had to tell me about deodorant in her rejection, I later found out I was stinking up my school for the better part of a year before that. Shower, Shit, Style. Sorry to tell you my introverted friend but we don’t get to “fly by the seat of our pants“ when it comes to social norms. You will need to develop a style, again other article for another day. But start seriously focusing on developing a style for yourself. Get in the habit of always reinventing yourself to the world as you experience more of it. Always err on the side of too much in regards to cleanliness and hygiene. Especially your own personal space, keep that shit clean and tidy. Spend a day or two to organize everything, then commit to keeping it organized. This part of your social and personal life just needs to be handled to an extreme. Do this so you have no reason to slip back into your head when your out socializing. There should be no reason to question yourself in regards to this aspect of your life. You are now a man that is always on the verge of bringing a woman home. You are always about to meet that one contact that can catapult your career. You are always about to invited to that event that will open doors for you. Always expect these things to pop up and you will have to act on them. The last thing you need is a reason to slip back into your head. You wanna talk to that very feminine blonde over there that is flashing „bedroom eyes“ at you but you didn’t have time to brush your teeth this morning. Sound familiar? Stop that shit. Handle your basics if for no other reason to keep yourself present.

Be Present

I was always in my head, usually going back and forth about some mundane issue I was making a moral dilemma of epic proportions out of mundane decisions. That is how I figure life out, but not everything needs the moral book thrown at it immediately. Just being present and in the moment with other people goes a long way. Introverts need to learn to put aside the debates going on in our heads when with others. People can sense when "your not really there" and most people find it extremely insulting especially coming from a stranger. This is why when introverts go out, we need to settle up everything our their mind first. Before leaving for the night, take 10-15 minutes and just come to an end point for the discussion going on in your head. You don't have to figure out if you should text Stacy again or if that looks to "needy", your going out to have a good time. Focus your introversion on that for now, on how to make this night the best night of your life. This is also made much easier by establishing a time to air out your head on a daily basis. Establishing a daily meditation routine to clear your internal stress will help make this focus much more effortless when your out and about.

Harness your Introversion

When your out, your out, so be out and be present. That doesn’t mean you have to give up being an introvert. As I said before introverts are rather rare, and even more rare is an introvert that can actually socialize. When you allow someone a glimpse into the power of the introverted process they will stand in awe at the revelations they make while with you. I know it sounds simple to us, because we do it every waking moment, but not everyone stops to ask the question why all the time. Not everyone takes time to stop and think about their emotions or morals, and people certainly fail to internalize important choices. There is a danger with this as it can cause introverts who first try it to dive very quickly into very deep conversation. This can be off-putting to the majority of people, especially when you first meet. Keep in mind people want to have fun with they are out and about. Use your setting and atmosphere to judge how deep your conversation gets and always err on the side of staying more lighthearted. Introduce people to the reflective process by posing the questions you would ask yourself to them. Allow them to come up with their answers in an interesting way and you’ll gather friends extremely quickly. Also slow down, I understand your mind is probably always racing at 1 million thoughts per second. But, pause, if not just to give the illusion of digesting the other person’s words first. No need to spit out answer to everything sometimes a slight grin and a chuckle conveys you understand it a much more meaningful manner.

“Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?” The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

This is how I am roughly 95% when I out with a mixed group. When you start getting more experience with women you will quickly learn they operate almost purely on the emotions. They will want to „Go“ but won’t have a clue where, they will be pissed at nothing and love everyone. It’s just not something you can take seriously, or hope to „fix“. But when you can nail this inquisitive, slightly condescending yet playful tone and attitude women will eat it up. It’s the same process we introverts „struggle“ with internally, just redirect and focused on someone else. You aren’t solving the problem, they are, your just guiding them to the answer. When they respond with a silliness, you give them silliness back. Get a dismissive answer, ask a dismissive question in return. If they take it deep and your feeling it, offer up that connection. Conversations like this build powerful bonds and are remembered for a lifetime.

This is the value you can bring to people that no one else can, the value of understanding themselves. But you have to be able to socialize and get the words out to bring it. That means out of your head, focusing on you and into the world, focused on them. You will spend your time alone, figuring out your own moral direction. When you decide to be out in the world, remember the value you bring to people and allow them access to it. This may seem like a small sacrifice to you, but in a world where we are never taught to internalize and are constantly bombarded by external answers, guiding someone inward is cherished.