Building PowerThe greatest power you have is emotional control. Only you, yourself, matter, ultimately. (self.TheRedPill)
submitted 1 year ago by [deleted]
[–]iknowthewhey 29 points30 points31 points 1 year ago (4 children)
Good post. Emotional control is key to finding success in life. If you let other people constantly get in your head and control your emotions then you have no frame. Meditation has been the priority for myself in gaining a more complete emotional control.
[–]Fosoe 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (3 children)
What do you do to meditate?
[–]sd4c 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Try forcing yourself to sit still for 10 minutes. Only allowed to breathe, and blink. No looking around, checking the time until you're sure, scratching an itch, or adjusting your posture. Just sit.
[–]iknowthewhey 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I started small. At first just three minutes a day. I close my eyes and just observe my breath. The sound and the feeling of breathing. I have found that not using a timer and just meditating for as long as you feel like it is the best way to go. Now I do 5-15 min sessions in morning and at night. I don't time and just stop when I feel like it. It is a hard habit to develop so I recommend starting really small and working your way up. Everyday 2-3 minutes a day is better than 15 min one day and then not meditated for next week.
[–]vitamann 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Butting in, I love meditation and it works. I started using an app called Headspace. The first 10 sessions are free, just keep repeating those 10 free sessions forever. They work.
[–]tteabag2591 31 points32 points33 points 1 year ago (13 children)
I wouldn't even bother telling people you "don't appreciate". That actually means their opinion bothers you. I usually just say "okay" sarcastically or amusingly and leave it at that. Sometimes I'll even just walk away mid conversation. They get the point eventually.
[–]1angrydad 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago (2 children)
I use "Fair enough" It's neutral without seeming weak, and tough to rebut. Takes the fight right out of them just about every time.
[–]tteabag2591 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Yeah that's a good one. I've used it before.
[–]danoranika 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Me too. Stole it from Patrice O'Neal
[–]TheRealJesusChristus 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (4 children)
Walking away can seem like the reaction of „a three year old“ (the exact answer I provoke about 50% of times I just walk away).
Just say „Okay, sorry I have to do X or Y Im right back“ or something before leaving. You dont have to be right back
[–]1empatheticapathetic 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (3 children)
Who cares what it looks like.
[–]TheRealJesusChristus 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (2 children)
If it looks like youre losing frame it doesnt matter if you dont. So you should care what it looks like. And pretend you dont care what it looks like.
[–]1empatheticapathetic 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Walking away is the antithesis of losing frame.
Explaining you got upset either via words or body language is losing frame.
[–]TheRealJesusChristus -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
I dont explain shit. I just say im going to do smth and then go. So it doesnt fit into the 3yo picture.
[–]UroPV 1 points1 points1 points 1 year ago [recovered]
Posted below. Sometimes a situation will demand a reaction. It's hard to ignore a child entirely if quiet is necessary in the moment to carry on a conversation, for example. However, the tone and delivery of a chastising statement makes all the difference. A simple and firm, "you need to be quiet, now" is more effective than a threat or raising ones voice or making a scene by removing the child, to me at least.
[–]tteabag2591 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (2 children)
A threat is different than an admission of being bothered over what someone said. When you say you don't appreciate what they said that means it had some influence on you. As if you expected them to say something approving.
That's a reasonable point, though I would think there's value in setting a boundary of what is and is not acceptable behavior towards you, especially in a workplace. There's something to be said for the line from south park I'll paraphrase. "Just because you tolerate something doesn't mean you have to approve (or in this case, essentially condone by doing nothing) of it. Tolerate means you're putting up with it. You tolerate a cold or a baby crying on a plane, but it can still piss you off."
A better response may have been "I would appreciate you not interrupting my conversation here." And then later asking the guy why he felt necessary to say that, to try and change behavior or win him over if possible, which has a lot of value in the workplace.
[–]tteabag2591 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Right. I'm not saying don't hold frame but do it using as little words as necessary. Too many words makes it look like you think about it too much or are trying too hard. You don't have to give away what you appreciate. That's unnecessary information.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
His response is actually really good because anyone paying witness to the situation realizes the person chastising him is a fucking asshole for doing so. OP is then publicly acknowledging the person being an asshole in the most polite way possible, without being confrontational or allowing room for any response to continue said interaction.
[–]uzi0096 38 points39 points40 points 1 year ago (11 children)
There are some useful ideas in the post but they're about to get lost in your rant. The way you wrote it gives away how you "got your emotions in control".
You learn through practice and failure to maintain. An internal conflict is just fine if you externally don't lose it. I'm certainly guilty still sometimes of letting my emotions get the best of me, but every time I keep it together I feel that rush of endorphins for having done so, rather than the embarrassment that comes later after foolishly indulging the emotion in the moment.
[–]nigmondo 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
There's a guy in my work place who likes to be quite vocal in his criticism. My retort to him... 'Thanks for your opinion, but your opinion is completely irrelevant to me'. Does the trick
[–]uzi0096 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Yeah, that's what I meant by "useful ideas". You're on a right path, just haven't arrived to your destination yet. Good luck!)
[–]___heisenberg 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (1 child)
this is the intro. you gotta do the heavy liftin
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It was arm and chest day today. I probably couldn’t lift heavy right now.
[–]destraht 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (4 children)
I'm not a subscriber of the prevailing theory that a few superfluous words means that you are losing your shit. Words !== Angry. You read it in your own voice.
[–]uzi0096 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (3 children)
If you haven't noticed, his way of telling the story and words are generously spiced with emotions. I hope there's no need to quote.
I do think that writing emotions down rather than expressing them outwardly is a healthy and practical way of handling them. Do you agree with that statement? I'm thinking in the mold of something like writing a letter and not sending it, ala Abraham Lincoln. Emotions are a natural thing and hard to prevent entirely, but dealing privately with them is growth to me.
[–]destraht 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
He wasn't writing about being a terminator robot or turning off the emotion chip but about not losing your shit.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Fake it till you make it is the slogan of this subreddit.
[–]Mr_Get_Right 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It can also be useful to set your ego aside and be one with everything. Whatever entity that you're interacting with came from the same set of consequences that generated this whole world. They may be different, but ultimately their difference is only there so one can mirror, reflect, and contemplate it to know one's own self. You are not an isolated, alien creature lost in time. You're here, everything is here, to explore. To try to "understand" would only be viable if we weren't on the edge of creation, melting into the next iteration.
[–]1redHussar 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (7 children)
This is example of "this is what i should do but im not doing (yet)".
F.e. somebody calls you quitter ? Smirk and walk away. Dont lose time on this moron. Telling "i dont appriciate ..." sounds a little bit autistic.
These are good takes on the value of non reaction. In the situation in question the guy was attempting to interrupt me as I spoke to someone else, so a reaction was warranted as it was disrupting our conversation. Agree that if it's isolated or just a simple call out, might as well ignore it.
[–]1redHussar 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (4 children)
Why are you explaining yourself ? You dont owe me or anybody an explanation. Just do what you need to do. It seems that you want to "be right". There arent any special points for that.
Just wanting to have a discussion. Explanations help you see where I come from and help me learn your perspective and incorporate it. It is a forum, after all ;)
[–]Giantcandle 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)
He has a point.
You explaining it to him makes you buthurt, even more so if you were mid conversation.
It shouldn't offend you what that guy says or thinks, you are not even real friends.
You should be in position to just laugh it off and not take it personally.
Peace out, brother.
[–]midnight_metro 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
A world where no one has to answer to anyone and civil discussion can't be had about the nature of peoples' actions is a world of sociopaths, and you strike me as one.
[–]TheIncendiary97 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Needed this right now. Brilliant post. Thank you.
[–]U-94 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Never lose your cool. You can never get it back.
[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire2 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Great post. I liked the part about "commanding respect" by being better, versus "demanding respect."
[–]mrHappyPotatoe 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Again this best quote from movie great lebowski. "Its just your opinion". Whenever someone challenged lebowski. Best comeback imo.
[–]patriargate -2 points-1 points0 points 1 year ago (1 child)
That is a very good and pragmatic point. Yet, i would complement that a man knows when to fight and when not to fight. Not all battles have to be won to win the war. A wise man selects his battle very rationally. Look at Trump. He does fight, but not all the time. Sometimes a small word is enough, sometimes a threat is necessary. Sometimes firing is necessary. Thanks for your post, much appreciated!
[–]Mr_KenSpeckle 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Trump?! Wise? Rational? Emotional control? Picks his battles? Good grief. The man has emotional diarrhea.
[–]thetotalpackage7 -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
Watch Don Draper eviscerate a co-worker while maintaining frame. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlOSdRMSG_k
[–]klepperx -2 points-1 points0 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Actually science confirms thoughts come first, then emotions, so you can't (and shouldn't) try to control your emotions. Because those are just indicators. of your thoughts. Saying "control your gas gauge" is stupid, you can't, it's just a helpful indicator of the contents of your tank. Just like your emotions are indicators of the contents of your head.