When do you feel guilt, sadness, and regret on a daily basis?
If you're like me, it's when you lash out or lose your control and agency. If you go off on someone, or put them in their place, you ultimately feel worse later than you would've if you'd have just let them be miserable.
I am changing jobs. Most are supportive. One coworker is not, and has called me out more than once for being a "quitter."
When he does, I remain calm, but say firmly, "I don't appreciate you saying that." I leave it at that. It's enough of a call out, and it's what a man would do. There is no fight. There is no shouting match. It's a simple statement of fact, and to rage against it embarrasses him and makes him lose the fight.
Option two would be to call him out, make him feel small, and start a fight. Insult him, and he feels justified in saying I can't hack it where I am. Quibble or take revenge, and he feels better knowing HE is stronger than I am. I take away the satisfaction, and ultimately and more well liked by being the cool customer, who commands respect, than demands it.
Demanding respect is asking for it. Commanding it is having others give it willingly by being better.
Think of a time when you lost your cool. Was it worth it? Did it help?
Did texting that girl a long entreaty about why she should stay with you work in the end? Did giving up your dignity make her respect you more? Did you salvage the situation and get laid?
Did lashing out at your coworker or challenging some asshole to a fight help the situation? Did the crowd go wild after you showed you are a slave to anger, and not happy with yourself to the point where some other loser is in control of your emotions?
When's the last time you convinced someone to go on a date or sleep with you? When's the last time losing your collective shit helped you win a girl's true affection, rather than her pity or derision?
I'll tell you this. The last time I held my shit together in the face of an asshole superior treating me like shit, that person's superior made fun of her to me in private after seeing it happen. It didn't faze me, and he saw that I was the one in control, and my superior was in fact the lesser one.
Get your shit together. Control your fucking self. Don't celebrate your successes to anyone except yourself and your close confidants. Your OWN validation should be enough.
Let's be honest, what's the best you've ever felt in your life when you accomplished something?
Was it when someone else congratulated you? Or was it when you felt like congratulating yourself, knowing you had made your best effort and gotten the best possible outcome?
Only you matter, period. It's not a selfish thing. You have to live in your own mind, and no one else gets to. If you are happy in there, then you're happy. The end. No debate. Make yourself happy, truly. Do whatever it takes. Fucking introspect and figure it out.
Trust me on this one.