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When I was in college way-back-when, I lived in an apartment about a 1 minute walk way from a bar - the bar that would become my college watering hole. My first time going there, I got the number of an absolute smokeshow of a bartender. We made plans to get a drink one night, but the day of, I just got way too drunk during the day and was in no condition to do anything that evening. So nothing happened with her.

Over the next few months I brought a maybe 5-6 girls to that same bar. It was my go-to place to bring girl, and friends in general. Great service, great atmosphere, quiet enough that we could talk, etc. A lot of the time, it'd be that exact same girl who would serve us. I could tell she was a bit jealous and often times completely ignored the girl I was sitting with while getting orders. She'd look me dead in the eye and not even glace over at the girl.

When I went there with guy friends, I noticed she stuck around my table a bit to talk, and also when I went up to the bar to get a drink (and she served me), she pretty much did the same thing - she wouldn't ever just give me a drink and that'd be that. She always said at least a little something, however harmless.

I never ended up texting her again until a few months later, I got a bit curious about her and decided to antagonize her a bit with a text:

[Paraphrased; college was years ago]:

Me: "It's $1 beers tomorrow right?"

Her: Yep.

Dead silence for like half an hour

Her: "Who's the lucky girl?"

Me: "Jealous?"

Her: "What do all these girls see in you?"

Me: "You wanna find out?"

The next day she had off she was in my bed. I could have made small talk, been somewhat of a beta and struck up a long conversation about dating and life or whatever else which is a mistake I think a lot of guys make, but I just figured that since I had social proof (jealousy is the ultimate aphrodisiac for women), and since she was jealous, saw me with other (good-looking) girls, and knew that I had other options, I figured the odds were in my favour.

I figured I didn't really need to make things too difficult for myself. I got straight to the point. Even if she had said no, at least I didn't waste a bunch of time. Better to get a no in 5 minutes than in 5 months.

Lessons learned:

  • Don't complicate things

  • Get a yes/no quickly. Don't waste your time.

  • When she's making it easy, just let it be easy.


[–]Self-honest 658 points659 points  (13 children)

When she's making it simple, don't make it difficult.

Also, when she's making it difficult, make it simple. Go find somebody else to fuck.

[–][deleted] 146 points147 points  (3 children)

Man we overthink so much, the simple shit is often the most effective.

[–]1jb_trp 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I've heard a quote: If a woman is currently into you, she'll make it easy for you. She'll open the door and all you have to do is walk through. When that same chick closes the door, all you have left to do is walk away.

So many of the posts on askTRP are, "There's this one girl, things were good, now they're not... What can I do to fix this?" They don't get it. Bro, there is no "fixing it." There's walking away, bettering yourself, and finding your own path. Women will come along for the ride as long as it suits them, and not a second longer. Don't get hung up on someone who isn't at all invested in you.

[–]dthlist 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wtf is that tag next to your name?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Cuz I'm hilarious so I got this nickname.

[–]SPER 1 points1 points [recovered]

What if you keep finding others to fuck. But you also keep thinking about her.

Damn it.. Even when I occupy my time and get myself busy there's still this one chick I can't get off my mind. I've been with a few women since I last hungout with her a couple months ago. But I still want her. I don't even know why, I barely know this chick. It's just something about her.

Anyways sorry for the rant.

[–]Falconsbeardedchess 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Well, you obviously didn't fuck her. Thats the problem right there. The oneitis is going to come from the good ones that won't let you fuck them. They are masters of their trade. Beware.

[–]Self-honest 13 points14 points  (3 children)

If you can't seem to overcome your oneitis with the help of the sidebar, I recommend finding nine more girls that are hot enough to make you feel the exact same way. Then you'll have ten-itis (tinnitus: a ringing or buzzing sound in the ears, often associated with hearing loss).

At some point the signal to noise ratio (the ratio of the strength of a signal carrying information to that of interference) will reach a point where any lingering thoughts of "this one special girl" are completely drowned out.

There can't be one special girl if there are ten. Even if you found ten, there are obviously ten more waiting around the next corner.

[–]SPER 1 points1 points [recovered]

She's the first girl I actually want to date and not just fuck in the last few years.

I don't really care about pursuing anyone just to fuck. Or going through any work to fuck right now. The last 4 girls I had sex I didn't really have to do anything.

[–]Self-honest 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's the first girl I actually want to date and not just fuck

"Just as women, who are the gatekeepers of sex, still crave and enjoy sex, men can and do feel real affection for the right sort of woman, and will actively want to do so."

I hear you man. You need to kill the oneitis either way, but go read Whisper's post I quoted from and linked above if you haven't already.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man really new to TRP and I am trying to get through the insane amount of info in the side bar ( I think my biggest issue being oneitis. Would you have any direct links with good content on this?

[–]HerefortheTuna 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don’t get oneitis from chicks who won’t put out for you.

[–]bslizzle 167 points168 points  (10 children)

This is extremely important for those starting out. When you start lifting, improving your confidence, etc. you naturally become more attractive. The issue comes when a Beta who seems attractive opens his mouth. If she's already into you, lead her along. Don't treat it like you're still trying to get her attention.

[–]extreme_aardvark 1 points1 points [recovered]

“If she's already into you, lead her along. Don't treat it like you're still trying to get her attention.”

Sonofabiatch. Why am I just NOW finding this out? /facepalm

[–]Chaddeus_Rex 22 points23 points  (6 children)

lead her along

Can you clarify this? What do you mean by 'lead her along'?

[–]dingman58 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Take her somewhere and bang her

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If a horse is galloping towards the goal then you don't need to convince it to want to reach the goal, just make sure it doesn't go off track.

[–]redd_reality 52 points53 points  (4 children)

Great post op.

Your point actually transcends many arenas of life. Often times our greatest obstacle in obtaining the object of our desire - the new job, degree, award etc. Isn't the external ones, but ourself. We feel deep down, unconsciously even, that we aren't good enough and don't deserve the bounty we are about to receive.

Self sabatoge is very real and it is fucking essential to recognize the feeling in ourself and cut that shit out.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Self sabotage is too damn real. When everything is going perfectly, I always find a way to shoot myself in the foot.

[–]redd_reality 4 points5 points  (2 children)

There's a good section in Models by mark Manson, where he explains after a decade of travelling and running game, where basically all of his anxiety is gone, but the only thing that remains is the voice in his head that disqualifies others. "her hairs too short", "she's too old", "I shouldn't have to approach her, she should say something to me" type stuff.

This type of defeating or diminishing self talk is the psyches way of preserving the status quo and an attempt to limit change.

Personally, my day is fucking filled with instances where ill be going about my business and I might see or hear someone else and I instantly make disqualifying statements about them in my head. It's truly toxic and one of my biggest hurdles as of late.

[–]WolfofAnarchy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow it's great you're battling that, because unlike many here, prejudices based on small things are toxic as hell, making you bitter.

[–]redd_reality 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Truth be told, some of my most toxic perspectives originated from trp.

The key here though, is to realize that trp only offered me the truth. It was I who took the truth and colored it with bitter sentiment.

One could just as easily frame trp truths in a strictly positive and productive light.

For years I've worked at rewriting my perspectives regarding women. First, they were angels, then post trp, they were cunning Machiavellian hags. These days, they're feminine humans struggling to find meaning in their lives just like men. I love them for more of what they are, instead of judging them for what they are. I believe this also allows them to see me similarly, in my masculine respects.

[–]2kez88 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Good post. Another thing I'll tack on. Sometimes I've lost girls because they seemed keen and I thought I had to do more to win them over or fuck me. Things like put in some dirty talk or flirt more or something. When if I had just said 'cool, come back to my place for xyz' they probably would have.

[–]ThePillIsRed 1 points1 points [recovered]

Yup. Have recently come out of a 6 years relationship. Badly. I'm 25, good job and career prospects, lift 4x week, read, speak 3 languages, i'm very social and have lots of interests.

After 2 weeks i was single a friend introduced me to a girl. After the second time i saw her in a group setting i wrote her some bullshit on instagram. The third message was me asking her out. Got her number, took her out 2 days later, fucked her in my car.

Almost too easy if you can read body language and be cocky and funny. Nothing else required.

[–]ivaskuu 9 points10 points  (10 children)

Do you have a favorite book to recommend for body language, and cocky and funny? Thanks!

[–]GutShot9 3 points3 points [recovered]

I was actually thinking about this the other day. I've been doing pretty well with girls the past couple years and I was thinking about how I would always be anxious and say the wrong things with girls and now it seems like it doesn't really occur to me what to say, I just speak my mind and go with it, and it is working well. What I concluded the difference was, is that now I am coming from a place of confidence and abundance, where as before I was in a place of anxiousness and scarcity. You really can read the difference in people's tone and facial expressions. So rather than work on being cocky and funny, work on improving your confidence.

I've found that the key to increasing confidence is doing the right things in day to day life.

Being disciplined. For example, going to the gym and meeting your numbers, getting enough sleep, doing your homework and doing it well, etc.

The next thing is pushing yourself to do things when you are afraid. For example, talking to that cute girl, telling someone no when they ask something unreasonable of you, asking for a raise, correcting someone of higher status than yourself, etc.

The last step I've found is to eliminate the negative things that cause anxiousness. For me one of the biggest factors was reducing how hard I party. I would always drink way too much. You think you're a better player after 10 beers but trust me you're not, the only people who think so are more drunk than you. Try going out sober one night without any goals other than to observe, you will be amazed how well you do with girls and people in general, and you will be able to spot drunk people really easily and see how annoying they are. I'm not saying don't drink, I'm saying keep it in moderation. But also alcohol is a major depressant. I noticed after not drinking for a few weeks how much more confident I felt in my day to day life. Alcohol makes you anxious because it is a depressant for one and because it affects memory for another, you often regret how you acted, or can't remember how you acted and assume it was poorly. Drugs are the same. Other things in day to day life do the same thing, smoking, eating poorly, being late to work, letting someone treat you poorly etc. It might be easier to say whatever it's just this one time, but that stuff affects your confidence.

Do the right things, confidence goes up, do the wrong things confidence goes down.

The other thing that is a necessity is frame control, there are tons of posts on that topic and it is extremely important. One of the things I'm always telling myself is "Don't break character, ever!" My character is that of a strong, confident, fun, down to earth man. Everything I do must be in that frame.

If I make a bad joke, I don't apologize for real, even if the girl acts insulted. I make another.

If I'm about to talk about how it hurt my feelings when a girl flaked on me, I shut the fuck up and pretend I don't care.

If a girl compliments me and says I'm hot, I don't blush and smile. I ask her what she's going to do about it.

If I make eye contact with a hot girl, I don't quickly look down and away. I make damn sure I stare her down until she looks away, and then I approach.

Work on these two things, confidence and frame control. Do it little by little and eventually you will internalize it. Then when you are talking to a girl you like, you won't be thinking in your head about what to say, you will be talking naturally and saying whatever the fuck you want. People can feel that and it is attractive.

[–]RUALUM15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I make a bad joke, I don't apologize for real, even if the girl acts insulted. I make another.

Great point. Just got back from a trip to Miami where these two girls were giving me shit from day 1. I hooked up with one of them by being cocky/funny and flirting with them as soon as we arrived. No one is going to nail every joke/witty comment 100% of the time. Sometimes women are going to give you a look because you messed up. You have to follow it up with another one because when that joke/witty comment makes her laugh, she'll forget all about the last stupid thing you said. If you don't take women seriously, you'll have more fun because you're controlling the interaction. I routinely get the "you're such an asshole" comments because I say whatever I want. I told the girls at breakfast one day that they are here to amuse me and if they don't like it that they can walk away. But they recognize that they're having too much fun to leave, so I continue to do what I'm doing. Great point.

[–]6ix_ -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

This was awesome and really helpful. Do you mind if I pm you and ask you a couple of questions? No biggie if not.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You've already asked a question when you could've just got to the point

[–]Self-honest 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Do you have any experience to draw off of with either of these?

Edit: are you cocky, or funny? Can you read body language at all? Where are you at in your journey?

[–]RUALUM15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you read body language at all?

I know this point is beaten to death, but read "What Every Body is Saying" by Joe Navarro. It's a great body language guide, but most body language is intuitive. You can tell when you offended someone, but you have to decide whether that discomfort is on the surface or more deeply wounded someone. And part of that is where your comment is coming from. Most women know that my goal isn't to be malicious when I'm talking to them because maliciousness comes from a place of insecurity, whereas humor comes from a place of security. If you're lightly teasing a girl she will recognize that and be receptive, but if you're flat out rude, she will realize that you're no longer playing a game with her. If you tease her, expect shit tests, but if you are rude, expect her to walk away or be closed off to your advances. Hope that helps.

[–]MySpiritGuide 1 point2 points  (0 children)

^ this.. I really would like to hear from you

[–]blkMGTOW07 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend how to be a 3% man by coach Corey Wayne.

[–]antariusz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just as an aside.

Cocky/funny is one way of pulling girls into your frame and it works, if you’re cocky and funny.

There are other ways of getting laid that work just as well.

[–]mrcs84usn 32 points33 points  (0 children)

This is like the classic rules of getting with women.

  1. Be attractive

  2. Don't be unattractive

Your story is rule 2 in a nutshell. When she already likes you, you just have to not fuck it up.

[–]47rivers 29 points30 points  (6 children)

I laugh at people who think redpillers are incel types- they just have no idea how clueless they are when it comes to sex, and how easy it is.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The incels didn't fare too well around here.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you're confident, sex is very easy.

Be fit, confident, and attractive. The rest is easy.

[–]Banned-in-Boston 1 points1 points [recovered]

TRP is misunderstood by most people. They do not realize it is a successful hospital for losers.

[–]strikethrough123 24 points25 points  (2 children)

100%. Started lifting. Lost my V. Hit double digit N count. Moved out parent's place. Landed a good job. All due to two years of TRP.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Literally just found this sub today, but what I am noticing is a lot of the stuff on here are things I learned the hard way in the past 5-7 years to basically not be BP and my life has drastically changed since

[–]oldslut 15 points16 points  (1 child)

yes, all good, and it seems like it worked out well for you... but i would have kept her to get free drinks, and fucked all the other chicks i brought there. once you fuck the bartender and things go sour, you might end up losing your watering hole... in other words, don't shit where you drink ;)

[–]tonguexp 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Bar oneitis? There is a bar on every corner. No one bar is yours, just your turn.

[–]shockinghillaryquote 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a great example, but I still have to marvel at the ridiculous nature of the Hamster. Do these women ever reflect on their internal mechanisms? Do they have any self-awareness of their impulses, why they like a guy, why they behave a certain way?

The fact they don't, I suppose, is to the male's advantage.

[–]dingman58 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Lots of positivity and encouragement in this thread. Good post OP and good on you for starting a positive conversation

[–]Luckyluke23 4 points5 points  (1 child)

since I had social proof (jealousy is the ultimate aphrodisiac for women), and since she was jealous, saw me with other (good-looking) girls, and knew that I had other options, I figured the odds were in my favour.

this is the step guys fail on. they make it LONG when they don't have the social proof. nobody whats to sit through your boring shit. get to the point.

[–]Poof_Wonder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cringe because I sent a girl a witty message and she implied that she would in fact go out, but right when I started a normal conversation she didn't respond. ughghghahdhgahgldhahg

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thread title is good and relevant, polish the story a bit more pls.

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