As I have posted before, I have been married for 29 years and been with that same woman for a total of 33. I consider myself to be very happy. Having established that, let me state that I don’t believe marriage makes sense anymore.
I have been teaching high school for 24 years and I tell that to every young man I mentor. I told it to my own son, but he got married in October anyway—more on that later.
I know that AWALT is a good model. The A in AWALT is a cautionary metaphor and representation of statistical probability. I know that it has always been true, but it is truer now because there are so few social constraints on female behavior.
When I started dating my wife in 1985, a 16 year old girl who was known to be promiscuous was a social pariah. Make no mistake, many went to great lengths to conceal their promiscuity, but most girls tried to save themselves for marriage, or at least until they had a committed relationship, and a girl who cheated was an object of scorn.
There are several older Alpha’s who attend my small country church. The wisest of these, a Korean War veteran who won a Distinguished Service Cross and died about 5 years ago, often spoke about the old days, and he confirmed that girls in his day knew that their virtue was their greatest asset, and a woman could become “trash” for the slightest transgression. Again, I know that the biological tendency was extant even then, but religious and societal norms were more binding.
Those constrains are no more. I hear 16/17 year old girls in my classes bragging about their conquests and even comparing notes. I heard one pretty little blond Junior girl last week talking about her boyfriend who goes to another school and how he couldn’t “bring it” like her “other” boyfriend. There are no cultural consequences for such seemingly disgusting behavior. Note that I teach advanced placement classes in a school with an exemplary CCRPI score. I didn’t even hear that sort of chatter when I began teaching in a more urban school in 1994. Trust me, things have changed in the last 2 decades.
I gave this talk to my own son when he was but 14, but I think he wanted the relationship he saw at home. By the time he was 16 he was in a committed relationship with a cute little 16 year old classmate. They married at 22.
She seems nice, and I have heard nothing negative about her, but I couldn’t help looking at her in her beautiful white dress wondering if my boy hadn’t fucked up.