Sink or Swim (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

This is for non-approachers/non-starters/anxiety-ridden.
My old man used to like to tell me that the 3rd biggest fear in life is that of rejection. He always played a pivitol role in reddit's favorite fetish - that of the "bull". He fucked other dudes' wives that he'd meet at swinger parties. He's been doing it since he was 25 years old. Now 73, he still goes out. He claims to have fucked "hundreds and hundreds of women". I don't doubt it. Explains where he was all that time! Dad!!! You fuck.
As he comes closer to the end of his stint, he's tried to create a relationship with me, and I've put our past aside to know him better. It came as a surprise to learn that after all that fucking, his most frequent regret is that he never had the courage to do what we all love to discuss--the almighty Cold Approach. Of course, he didn't know it was called that, "I wish I would have had the courage to walk up to pretty girls at the bars. Oh, boy. Could have fucked thousands instead of hundreds! If you could find the trick, you could rule the world. Figure that out. If not for yourself, you do it for me and let me have the leftovers!" (Ew, Dad!)
After trying everything in the book to get started with pickup, wasting a year reading theory and being a bitch, it occured to me that I may be hopeless. I couldn't do it. Motivational quotes weren't going to cut it. An approach here or there never lead to consistency, which is surely a necessary ingredient for success. Standing around all night never made me move. My hardcase was made from the sturdiest of metals. Shit was special delivery from Wakanda. No body could crack it. My feet would simply not move out the door, to the car, to the pedal, to the bar, to the girls, often enough to score. This is how I always visualized it--if only I could turn my brain off on command and have my feet place me in front of women, I could actually rule the world.
Eventually I got to thinking about my dad and his crutch. Could I come up with my own crutch? I didn't particularly want to fuck other dudes' wives, but maybe I could lift... I am tall... and sit on dating apps and not have to approach. And that's exactly what I did. Spent 1 1/2 years picking up heavy shit and putting it back down, while reading more theory that was all the same. I'm not here to speak ill of lifting or theory--Being strong and looking good works. Other men respect you. Women accept you. And Mystery knows his shit--I got laid regularly for the first time in my life. But as it turned out, a lack of sex was only a small piece of my unhappiness. Even when I had recently been with a girl, my mind was filled with thoughts of inadequacy. Why did I need an app? Am I always going to need an app? What would that girl think if she knew I couldn't approach her in the wild? Why the fuck am I still worried about this? This standard I held myself to was eating me alive. I only barely left the starting line. Pops knew. I'd imagine Pook preaching at me that I'm not yet Man.
Somewhere inside our brain exists a place where ego and fear of judgement exists. Some of our brains are fucked up and that place doesn't work properly. Many of us can't overcome it by ourselves. I couldn't. Or maybe we just never had the role models to show us how. Either way, I've found we can short-circuit the fuck out of it. There's an emergency switch that shuts the 3rd biggest fear down when the 1st and 2nd biggest fears come into focus. You put a little homelessness and potential death in your future and fear of rejection suddenly isn't that bad anymore. In fact, you don't even give a fuck about getting laid anymore! You just want to not get raped!
I could have just made a post with this upcoming few paragraphs being the entirety, but I hope my anecdotes will resonate enough with some of you to take action and not just paralysis-analysis away your billionth post that leads to nowhere:
At the time, I had $1500 in my bank account. I cashed out $1k. That was a large amount to me. That's how it has to be. I was at the end of my rope and needed a tool that forced me to take action. Called up an acquaintance, gave him the cash, and told him it was his unless we went out the next night and I immediately approached girls of his choosing until I did 10 of them. (If you do this, make sure it's someone who won't give it back. The consequences must be ensured. Ma won't work. Make sure the hand-off is when anxiety is lowest, earlier in the day or a day before the cut off.)
That night all 10 sets went poorly. Blew through all my adrenaline and all the theory never showed up to help me out. The final result? There never existed an accomplishment, reward, fuck, or drug as good and high as the cloud I was on. That night I learned what it felt like to be released from what felt like a life sentence for a crime that I did not commit. Had the best sleep without a regret in the world. The training wheels came off too. Once I experienced enough outcomes and consequences, the act started to normalize. I was able to get myself out and about often enough to start closing on my own.
If you're like me, stop looking at more posts and books and videos. You'll find no solutions. No one tried harder to find an easier quick-fix. All I've done my entire life is find loopholes to shit. What I've provided you is the solution. It's the last stop. Anxiety is not cancer. There's no urgency. It doesn't hurt. You can whack off and forget about all of this for another 10 years. That's the most malicious aspect of it. You will wake up one day and have dreamt your life away. I think in the back of my mind I knew this, and it's why I was in such a desperate rush.
So put your shoes on, go get in your car, and make your way to the ATM. Txt the friend that could use your money for rent. It's going to feel very strange doing this for some of you. Ignore that feeling. Fuck that feeling. Thrust yourself beyond the point of no return. The water's great.

[–]Flying_Wingback 97 points98 points  (1 child)

Quote from Sasha at the 21 Convention:

Imagine there's a club with 50 women in it. I'm saying to you I'm gonna walk in there and give 1 girl an envelope with $5000 in it. All you have to do to get that money is walk in there and ask every girl "Do you have what I'm looking for?" 3 times and after the third time the right girl will take out the money and hand it to you. Meanwhile the other 49 or so girls are gonna look at you confused and be like "wtf you talking about get out of here"

1) Would you go ask for the money? 2) Do you feel like the other 49 girls rejected you? (No, they just didn't have what you were looking for)

[–]p_and_q 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"Do you have what I'm looking for?"

Great quote! Also a great conversation starter.

[–]2littleblacktruck 41 points42 points  (7 children)

Approach anxiety is a tough one to get past. What got me by is what I later learned is called Amused Mastery. If you get shut down, there's no blood, you're not gonna die, and you go about your mission. What I found myself doing is feeling sorry for them and slightly amused. I think to myself: "You goofy bitch. You missed out on me. Dumb move, girl." Smile and walk away. Next candidate.

[–]The_Wicked_Wombat 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Nothing wrong with that if it works for you brother. I don't think there is a one size fits all equation in this game. Personally when I used to ask chicks out/cold approach. I just treated them like a normal human being. Putting pussy on the pedestal is the worst thing you can do. If a girl rejects me, I don't let it bother me because there are literally 10 or 20 different reasons why she might not want to. Some out of my control, some in my control. However that's just life. I just say to myself no worries, it just wasnt the right time.

[–]2littleblacktruck 5 points6 points  (2 children)

My way isn't a technique, it's a state of being. A smarter man then me said: "A tank doesn't need armor, the armor is the fucking tank."

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

That man may have been fully retarded

[–]dakarudeboi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I laughed unreasonably hard at this

[–]Taodin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Best advice of all. Thats how to prevent of getting sick of rejection. Stay positive and don´t lose your motivation

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah i feel sorry for them when they reject me too... im like girl? Do you know what you're missing out on?

[–]COCAINE_ADVOCATE 80 points81 points  (11 children)

This was great. If I could add on to it a little bit...

I recently had an experience with two cold approaches in the same week (probably 2 out of total 10 in my life). One was a cute barista. I started small talk and she was making lots of eye contact. We chatted for a bit and I asked for her number, she gave me the "I have a boyfriend" line so I said no problem and walked away.

The second cold approach I was out with a friend and was drunk out of my mind. I wasn't quite slurring but clearly past feeling good and botched a simple conversation. She and her friends, who were initially very interested, understandably took off.

Reflecting over both of these scenarios a couple of days later I realized something so obvious that I was kicking myself for not seeing it sooner. Rejection only stings if it reflects poorly on your ego. I've always had self-esteem issues. So by not preparing, drinking too much, and acting like a tool, I was reinforcing a negative opinion of myself. It's like someone laughing at you in front of a party for saying something embarrassing, but you realize it's yourself and you deserve it.

But just being friendly and asking for a number? I was confident, smooth, made her laugh. Even though the tangible outcome was neutral, it reflected positively on my ego. I turned theory into action and stepped outside myself for a few minutes. The theory part melted away and I was just a man approaching a woman. No sane person would disparage that, despite what #metoo would have us believe.

When a man can realize he is nothing but an arbiter for the whims of nature with a thin veneer of civility, what happens in the past is just as it was supposed to be.

[–]leaveitaloneitsfine 1 points1 points [recovered]

I wasn't quite slurring but clearly past feeling good and botched a simple conversation. She and her friends, who were initially very interested, understandably took off.

makes me skin crawl reading that. some of my worst experiences are missed opportunities like that from drinking too. i think alcohol is an okay crutch to get started if nothing else works, but apparently it's a difficult dependency to break.

No sane person would disparage that, despite what #metoo would have us believe.

who cares if a sane person would disparage it? don't not do things because someone might be temporarily inconvenienced or think you're creepy. fuck that.

[–]roboisdabest 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I used alcohol as a crutch for this purpose for years. I was successful (very) for a few of them, but one day too many of these 'cringe' moments will occur and it will be spoiled for a long time - which was absolutely for the best. Having only ever really approached with alcohol as a crutch it took me a very long time to relearn successful approach.

A word to the younger guys on here - don't rely on dutch courage too much, the feeling of a successful sober (or at least mostly sober) approach is far superior and teaches you lifelong skills. Alcohol is an optional pleasure and occasionally useful social tool but if you can't do it sober, you can't really do it at all.

[–]1996_Luna 12 points13 points  (8 children)

Lmaoo .. today I approached one girl in my class just because she displayed that she had an ass when she fixed her jeans , she was a HB5.5 or 6’ish but I wanted to hit . However , I failed to get the number bc I asked too many questions and didn’t take the right steps to flirt when the opportunities presented themselves . FUCK IT THO

[–]alxjones 11 points12 points  (7 children)

tell us what you'd have done differently.

[–]1996_Luna 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Everything . My tone of voice ( since its deep , could have used a softer , slower tone ) , I was asking her way too many questions ( don’t do that , ask her something that you can bounce off of and initiate flirting and escalation ) @ some point , she asked , “ What’s up w all the questions ? “ Lastly , Don’t fall into her frame . She stated that she doesn’t chill/hang with people she barely knows . My dumbass said , “ why not , “ instead of , “ so ? “ or some smartass cocky remark . This is the 3rd chick I’ve approached at my school ( community college ) and second girl that is in my class currently .

[–]alxjones 4 points5 points  (5 children)

she doesn't chill with people she barely knows

uh so how have you gotten to know anyone... gotta start somewhere. you didn't come out of the womb with friends. wow. what a shit test

edit* speaking to the dumb broad, of course

[–]1996_Luna 1 point2 points  (4 children)

to that I replied w , “ That’s why we chill , go out and etc . “ Afterwards , she said , “ We’ve been in the same class for 3-4 months , and now You want to talk to me ? “ I replied , “ I’m not worried about talking to anyone . I just go in there and learn , handle business , if I learn anything . “ fuck it though .

[–]alxjones 4 points5 points  (1 child)

just another case of silly broads siding with nonsense over logic

let's remember to keep a smirk on i've always told myself "the calmest one wins"

[–]1996_Luna -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I know . I just smiled and said it’s all good and walked away

[–]askmrcia 2 points3 points  (1 child)

she sounds like a bitch tbh. Even had you changed your approach the outcome would have been the same.

You me tioned you asked too many qiestions. Did you really? Or did you feel the need to keep asking questions tl try and keep the conversation going because she was replying to your questions in a shitty way?

Im guessing the latter. because she sure as hell didn't ask you anything meaning she wasnt interested.

[–]1996_Luna -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lmao who knows if the outcome would have been different . I just know I walked away the same way i came in . I asked questions back to back bro . I wasn’t thinking about shit just trying to see wtf I can do to get to know her better , which failed obviously . She replied in the most simplest , direct manner . I asked her what her major is , hometown , where she lives , does she work and etc . But yeah , Now that i think about it , she didn’t ask me shit . The thing is , I felt like I was getting a lot of IOI’s from this bitch damn near every day , I just didn’t pay her no mind . Who knows though

[–]chomponthebit 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Beautifully written. Thank you

[–]theseeker24 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Inspiring post. I've become somewhat addicted to rifling through countless self-help books, articles, and videos. While I have implemented some of it into my life, there's always that underlying feeling of anxiety. Thanks for the encouraging words.

[–]boxxybebe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The money thing was probably one of the best pieces of advice I've ever read here. Beautiful post.

[–]The_Lightskin_Wonder 6 points7 points  (0 children)

To be honest I hate that we consider speaking to women during social events cold approaches. Because women are more open to potential partners. It's normal it's not that hard.

I know this because the difference between cold approach at a club and @ the grocery store is...night and day.

My friends have never seen me grab a number in the day time. I have done so here and their but I have not been rejected. Nor felt like it wasn't in the bag to begin with. Put me in a bar and I will talk to every single women in the bar dance with them exhchange numbers etc. Put me at a music festival a social event...it's easy whether or not I get rejected.

Put me in a Best buy and I'll start something but lack the ability to close.

[–]dominicthetiger 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Can't say I've wasted my time here haha. I can 100% relate.

[–]Morphs_ 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You did a nice job. However, you're not at lvl 9000 yet.

I immediately approached girls of his choosing until I did 10 of them.

I find opening women for other guys easy. What about opening for yourself. And why did he choose the women? Even better is to approach whoever YOU find a 10. And the hardest of them all: approach when you're all by yourself.

This is the level I would like to be on, but this who fucking approach anxiety thing is merely a battle in our own minds.

[–]Redpillandrew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fear of rejection. Overcoming fear of rejection is so tricky. It's like making up your mind to accept yourself, your imperfection, the fact that many women will just ignore you... While realizing you're enough, and attracting women it's just a natural tract buried under bluepill conditioning and fear instilled by society.

For god's sake don't fear rejection. Fear the tiger, fear the thug with a knife in his hand in a dark alley... But don't fear women, don't resist the shattering of your precious ego. YOLO

[–]RinterTinter 5 points6 points  (2 children)

For all you guys who don't want to necessarily go to the length of giving your friend $1000, any kind of external motivator works, though to varying degrees. Even just doing something like telling your friend "I'm going to approach 10 girls" before the party will give you a big boost.

I think it's because your brain can use it as an excuse to defeat rejection. Normally when you're rejected it's all on you. You decided to approach and you got rejected. But your brain will try to rationalize your failure, fail to do so, and that's where fear of rejection comes from.

But if you tell your friend you're going to approach girls beforehand? Well, now it's not your mistake if you rejected. You didn't decide to approach, you had an agreement with your friend and you're just honoring it. By externalizing failure to another person, you aren't responsible for your actions anymore.

The nazis used that to justify killing jews. They always blamed their orders. By shifting the crime to their superiors, they rationalized massacring millions. So it shouldn't be too hard for you to apply the same technique to get some pussy

[–]excaliboor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The nazis used that to justify killing jews. They always blamed their orders. By shifting the crime to their superiors, they rationalized massacring millions.

Not really, they didn't. Read "Ordinary men".

[–]RealistCampaign 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a good sales tactic.

[–]weezylane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reading this I can almost feel the relief you felt.

[–]LOLMUFFINLOL 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read alot of beautifully written words but I still don't understand the essence of the post

[–]1Sir_Distic 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One of the best tricks that worked for me is to simply say something to nearly everyone you see in public. Say "Hello" to women you pass in the supermarket. On the street. Hold a door open for someone and say "Good morning" or whatever. Just speaking to random strangers with no outcome is fun.

You'll progress to "I like your necklace." or "That color looks good on you" and keep walking. Simple as that. You'll be able to walk up to a woman in the bar or anywhere.

The instant your mind starts to hesitate or overthink, shut it down and just approach. "What if she turns me down? Has a boyfriend? Acts like a bitch and I get humiliated? etc" shut it down and just walk up to her.

[–]seriallurker350 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks bro! The part about giving the money really hit home....

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Kudos on a well thought out and articulated post. The exercise was brave, the call to action appropriate to many here.

The minor quibble is the fear of death. Outside of taxes, nothing is more certain. I fear my father's death far more than my own.... and I wish he would have been more off a mac daddy like yours (uses Dread like a champ tho).

Again, great post, and the vantage of looking back over your life is the right one.... just keep in mind, or could be in 40 years or, you know, 40, 39, 38..........

[–]ClipClamp 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What you're describing here seems to be some sort of self-imposed exposure therapy. You forced an uncomfortable situation on yourself in an attempt to desensitise yourself to the anxiety/fear of rejection. It seems to have gone well for you, good job.

[–]Shredderick420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Enjoyed reading, thanks for the thought food

[–]xAkdas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Books can only teach you so much, and as such, you will fail, but fail proudly, for there is nothing more saddening than only failing to lose.

[–]NewBoomAction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. I'm glad my pops taught me this before I left for college. I was no stud but I got girls because of his advice.

"The worst thing they can do is say no."

He also taught me "it's a #'s game."

Nowadays I'll talk with most girls at a bar, restaurant or gas station. It's really not a big deal. What's the worst that could happen? She'll say no. Ok. It's a #'s game. Onto the next!

One of my fondest memories of my young autistic self was getting a girls # in a check out line because I told her her choice of sauce was wrong. Had fun with it. No expectations. Just chatting about dip sauce and chicken nuggets.