Rant/VentingTo those who are getting over an ex or oneitis that dumped them - Stop being a Bitch (self.TheRedPill)
submitted 1 year ago by [deleted]
To the guys who have been dumped, here is why you ought to shut down the lines of communication COMPLETELY and IMMEDIATELY by going no contact -
Understand first that she has almost certainly had the break up on her mind for some time before delivering the news to you - that is to say, she made the decision BEFORE announcing it to you, could have been days, weeks, months, I've even heard of cases where she pondered carrying it out for a year or more in advance. Point is, the girl already 'knew' deep down that it was over, the only lingering question from then onward was, of course, "when?" Ask yourself how many times she actually had a heart-to-heart with you and discussed breaking up. If none, then you go ghost for being so considerate to blind side you with the sudden newsflash that it's over out of nowhere. If you two did discuss splitting, if it seemed apparent that the relationship was headed straight for a gruesome ending, then you still go no contact to remove yourself from a situation that no longer benefits you, especially when your emotions are still raw and the wounds are fresh. In either case, she has had time to prepare for life without you, and you likely have not, unfortunately, so this will probably blast you like taking several rounds from a semi-automatic. You'll probably want to stop her from going through with the break up, but that's why it's crucial to comprehend that she has weighed out her options for a good deal of time now and is determined to follow through with her decision by the time that she tells you - it was NOT a snap decision. She's probably consulted friends, family, co-workers, people on forums, you name it, she's analyzed it to death...quite literally.
What you want to avoid is getting trapped in that purgatory where you recycle and replay the break up from every possible imaginable angle - "what just happened? why did she do this?", questions which typically all funnel straight into the pit of despair (translation: FALSE HOPE) in the form of the question - "can I win her back?" The answer to that is "perhaps", but I'll get to that in a moment. What you do once she tells you that she wants to go separate ways is you quietly accept her decision, agree with it, and move along like it's no big deal. Why do you do this? Well, for starters, this will get her to question her decision much, much more than if you fight it or accuse her of being (insert derogatory term). She's EXPECTING you to fall apart. Crying or begging is probably the worse way you can react, but all of those - fighting, crying, begging - ALL OF THEM will confirm to her that she made the right decision and that you NEED her in your life. Take a moment to think about how much power you are admitting to her having over you by behaving this way. Do you really think your ex wants to run straight back into the arms of a dude who cried like a little girl once she said it's over? And if it did work, she'd be getting back with you out of PITY and NOT out of STRENGTH. How much longer do you think the relationship would last for after that took place? Furthermore, how enjoyable do you think the relationship would be within that frame - you, the one who now has to be on his best behavior and not fvck it up, the one who has to PROVE HIMSELF or momma dukes is gonna kick you to the curb again, and her, the supreme judge, the one holding the whip, ready to shoot you down again at the drop of a hat as soon as you screw up once more. She's done it before, you can take it to the bank that she'll do it again.
As I wrote somewhere down below, you DO NOT want to remain friends with her after the break up. She may extend this olive branch to you, but understand that she is doing this for HER and NOT FOR YOU - she's doing to it relieve herself of the guilt of breaking up with you and/or keeping you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out with whoever else she gets involved with. Remember, she's been preparing for some time for this day - YOU HAVEN'T! What she probably wants is to let you down as lightly as possible, so she will offer to remain friends and that maybe, just maybe, one day you two can get back together, just not now... This is in all likelihood COMPLETE BULLSH1T. Don't let her keep you around for emotional support as she jumps back out into the market in pursuit of a new guy(s). She will keep feeding you false hope while you stupidly wait on the sidelines for her to make up her mind until she lands herself a new dude, then you're out for good - "Thank you former boyfriend turned emotional tampon, but I have a new guy now. Are you mad at me??? Gosh, I hope not! You're going to make the best boyfriend for some girl some day!! I miss you soooooo much!! Hope you understand!" and just like that you're gone, no longer of any use to her as she'll now have someone to satisfy her both physically AND emotionally. You're dead weight dude. Beat it (no pun)
By going no contact you are sending out a few messages of your own. First, you are not a revolving door. A girl who you are romantically involved with is either with you or she is not. These are YOUR TERMS - STICK BY THEM. You do not put up with wishy-washy behavior (ex. "I need some space" "we should take a break") Sh1t or get off the pot girl. There's no in between. Life is too short and your time is too valuable to be with a girl that cannot make up her mind about you or simply does not care to be with you any longer.
Second, you have more value and self-respect than to ask/beg a girl who has dumped you to take you back. When a girl dumps you, this ought to be treated as the highest form of disrespect because she is essentially saying "I know you through and through, I know the REAL YOU, not a glimpse of you from a cold approach or from a few dates, but the TRUE YOU, and I want that person, YOU, GONE, OUT OF HERE, OUT OF MY LIFE." If you were fired unexpectedly, would you grovel back to your boss and beg for your job back? If you didn't have any other options and lacked any self-respect, yes, probably. If you knew you were desired elsewhere, you had options, or you simply weren't willing to continue contributing for someone who no longer desired your services, of course not. Talk all the smack that you want about Lebron James, but for the sake of argument, how do teams react when HE goes on the market as a free agent vs some third year Eastern European shooting guard whose played a total of 12 games his entire career? See my point? The former can create his own destiny, the latter has to take whatever he can get.
Third, be on the look out for "bread crumbs" from her post break up. This can be a text or a phone call that will essentially lead to nowhere, although it will probably increase your sense of hope that maybe she's preparing to run back to you. Chances are, she's just checking in to see if she still has you in her back pocket or out of sheer guilt, and to that I ask you, how does it make you feel that your ex girlfriend actually feels bad for you because she is depriving you of what she has the audacity to believe are the cancer-curing properties of her [email protected]? You don't chase, you REPLACE, as Biggie Smalls once wisely said. She had her chance, and she blew it.
With that all said, to reiterate, what you do is you shut her out COMPLETELY. She wanted out, she got it. Let her live with her decision. You might be thinking now "but wouldn't no contact make me look butt hurt?" The answer to that question is "who cares??? There is no more 'us', only YOU. Her opinion of you does not matter any longer, only what you think of yourself." You should only take her back if she returns begging for you back, admitting that she made a massive mistake, but remember, she dumped you, and if she did it once, she very well can (and probably will) do it again - this is why it's not advisable to get back with her. Plus, you will have to live with the resentment that your girl rejected you on the most fundamental level possible along with all the issues that led to the break up to begin with. Since she's had her time to emotionally unplug, you need yours, and no contact is the best way to do it. Now that you are broken up, realize that YOU DO NOT OWE HER ANYTHING. NOTHING. Not a single response to any of her texts, not picking up when she calls, NOTHING. Don't text her, don't email her, don't call her, remove her from all social media, DO NOT STALK HER SOCIAL MEDIA, and go ghost. Don't respond to anything she sends in your direction either. You need to heal, and she's only going to interfere with the process. Screw closure if you didn't get any. I say the best closure is to assume that you need to work on improving yourself in every way possible and GET ON IT. Work out relentlessly, excel at your job, rekindle any relationships with friends or family that may have fallen by the wayside while you were with her, immerse yourself in hobbies and interests, become the best possible version of YOU. The discipline required to do this is not easy, not by a longshot, but ride it out, ride out the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the sadness. Why? Because that is training in itself for when you get back out into the dating world. You will now have a crushing break up under your belt, but I assure you, it's for the best as you will have first hand knowledge that you CAN and you WILL get past the chaos, it won't kill you much as it may seem like it will, plus it will make rejecting anyone in the future who does not meet your standards much, much easier. The way to fulfilling the commonly peddled phrase that the next girl will be better is by following through with an extreme devotion to improving yourself. If you stick by it, you will actually see that your ex has, in fact, done you the biggest favor in the world by knocking you on your @ss and forcing you to rise stronger than ever. Remember, no contact is NOT some sneaky little strategy to get your ex back - it's to get YOU BACK!!
[–][deleted] 155 points156 points157 points 1 year ago (13 children)
Thanks for writing this post. My ex and I broke up a month ago, and we still keep in contact because I want that poon. Problem is, I have a mild case of oneitis. Each time I see her it just prolongs the recovery process. Pussy ain’t worth it if you’ve got oneitis. I’m going no contact from now on. This post is the kick in the ass that I needed. Thanks OP!
[–]Psychocist 84 points85 points86 points 1 year ago (5 children)
Pussy ain’t worth it
Pussy ain’t worth it
Full stop. In our current climate pussy has zero value.
[–]wkndatbernardus 41 points42 points43 points 1 year ago (2 children)
"Today on the Dow Jones industrials, pussy plummeted."
[–]basebool 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Pussy will always have value if there are men with sexual drives. The problem is men over-valuing it.
[–]TopNotch_Fuckery 22 points23 points24 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Don't forget that it's going to take more than just cutting off the ex. Without an abundance mentality (it's in the sidebar, but the CliffNotes is basically just that you fuck lots of pretty girls), cutting her off just means that you're pining for her and wasting lots of time and emotional energy. Keep bumping up that SMV and get back out there!
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (0 children)
100%. I have read the sidebar, and am reading it again because I definitely did not internalize it considering how this past relationship turned out. I’ve been out approaching women, and have got a plate, aside from the ex, on my roster. Obviously would like to have at least 2 more. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
[–]truedemocracy3 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
I got out of a breakup last NOVEMBER and every time I would start to feel a little bit better here she would come wanting to talk or hang out but never commit to anything. So what should have been a 1-2 month recovery gets drawn out to half a year.
Cut off contact. Completely.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Same here man. They just do it for the validation. The second you distance yourself, they become insecure about they’re SMV. They reach out just to see if their SMV is still high enough to lure you back in. Don’t be someone else’s validation.
[–]1dondraper 1 points1 points1 points 1 year ago [recovered]
Tl;dr Forget that she ever existed and move the fuck on.
[–]strikethrough123 57 points58 points59 points 1 year ago (0 children)
The game giveth and the game taketh.
[–]michaelkc03 51 points52 points53 points 1 year ago (3 children)
I cried like a little bitch when my ex dumped me. But that break up led me to the red pill and I believe that it has changed the trajectory of my life.
When it happened I felt hopeless, but OP is right the only way out of a hopeless hole is UP.
[–]Ihatemoi 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago (1 child)
The same, I even begged that bitch like a lil pussy. No more, that eventually lead me here and reading these kind of posts makes my life easier to bear and I also have a new objective in life.
[–]MaTArcher 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Without saying that I "begged" one thing I do regret is admitting how much it hurt to see how much of a betraying bitch she was. But then what a fool I was to believe that if she was ready to cheat on her past LTR with ME, why would I be any special after a couple of years when another interesting option shows up.
[–]arphod 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Same, 9 weeks ago. Here I am. Already changing for the better. I will never let that shit happen again, I can promise you.
[–]rpd051 23 points24 points25 points 1 year ago (0 children)
F*ck, this is something I definitely needed to read today. Thanks man! One year ago, I got dumped after a 12-year relationship. Turned out she was already cheating on me for nearly 1,5 years.
Still can't wrap my head around the fact that the girl who I once fell in love with turned out to be a lying, cheating whore. Or the fact that she made the decision to break up with me long before I got dumped, only to wait for "the right moment" to tell me. It leaves me feeling empty and fulnerable knowing that I lived in an illusion for the final years of our relationship. But I'm also facing the fact that I can't blame anyone but myself for ignoring the red flags and not having the courage to do something about it.
At first, our breakup destroyed me to the point that I was surpressing my emotions so much that it slowly turned me into a sociopath. But thankfully, I met the right people, read the right materials (a.k.a. The Sidebar) and started rebuilding myself. As of today I am proud of the transitions I have made and yet there is still a long way to go.
Over the last year, I had minimal contact with my ex. But even then, she was present in my life in one way or another. Me thinking about her, checking her online-status on Whatsapp, me wanting to know where she lives right now, etc... Recently, I realized that is not the way to get over her. Yes, I am still angry at her. Yes, I would still like to have my revenge. Yes, I would still love to punch her in the face so hard it knocks all her teeth out.
But I found something even better: just completely ignore her existence. Forget she even lives or has a life. A while ago, I completely blocked her everywhere I could. Unless she shows up at my doorstep, there is no way for her to contact me anymore (and I am considering moving, so even that's is not an option anymore).
It takes discipline and I still have those lonely nights where I wish I could turn back time. It still might take weeks, maybe months to get used to the fact that she is out of my live and NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO. But the recovery process is absolutely worth it! Like you said in another reply, if you haven't gone trough a tough breakup, you haven't really lived. Amen to that my man!
[–]TrolsMan 46 points47 points48 points 1 year ago (3 children)
Thank you for making this post. And i wish i knew before ( a year ago). Thank you.
You are trully correct.
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points 1 year ago (2 children)
Glad I could help brother, as someone in the forum once said “If you haven’t gone through a breakup, you haven’t lived”
[–]enterim 17 points18 points19 points 1 year ago (2 children)
Thanks for the read. 2 years ago the girl "I was in love with" cheated with a business partner of mine while I was taking care of my terminally ill mother. This would have helped.
[–]Earl_of_sandwiches 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Jesus. I know sudden breakups always hurt, but it has to be a little easier when you also find out what a shit person you'd been dating.
[–]enterim 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Kind of. I really do not know whether it is easier but it changed me very much and the "relationships" I had after that.
The thing I regret the most is investing so much money and time into this person, both would have been wiser invested in my business
[–]tsenk 15 points16 points17 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Wish I read something like this about a year ago when I was fresh off a break up that nearly destroyed me. Had to learn everything the hard way. Especially the part about her decision to break up not being a snap decision and replaying the break up to the point it turns into obsession.
Looking back, I'm glad I went through all this - a learning experience I'll benefit from in the future.
Thanks for the post, a great breakdown for anyone who's struggling with being dumped right now.
Thanks for the comment brother, good to hear you were able to turn things around and learn the valuable lessons
[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (0 children)
The more plates you spin, the less serious any and all interactions between each are.
Put all your chips on one square, and you're asking for misery.
[–]Rhynocobear 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Great advice. Abundance and idgaf, if she leaves you she doesn't deserve you. Go find someone that does, she'll probably hop on that dick carousel and from that point on her value will drop. Yours wont. And if you leave as mentioned, she may even become an alpha widow. She may have left you, but you didnt lose.
[–]Ivetakenthepill 28 points29 points30 points 1 year ago (2 children)
I'm happy to come on here and see this because I just went through it.
It was a wobbly relationship for the past 3 months or so, fucking brilliant for the 7 months before that, and she just ended it on me last week.
Everything you're saying rings true. She absolutely had it planned, so much so that I had sensed it coming and broken up with her a month prior (before she was ready), she pleaded and I took her back. I truly believed if she was so adamant for us to get back then she really wanted it to work.
One month later she blindsides me. You would think that I could carry on easily, I was fine when I did it to her, but perspective is everything. When you are the one who gets rejected, it's a massive blow to your self-worth, your ego etc. No way around it but through.
I handled it pretty badly. We'll say I was about a 5/10 from pleading, sobbing idiot to self-assured man who accepts the break up and walks away.
Still though, NO CONTACT IS ABSOLUTELY THE WAY TO GO. Even though it should never be a tactic, it usually does work in that she'll be wondering why you haven't begged for her back, so she'll contact you. Hopefully by then you realize that you don't take back women who failed to see your worth.
I was a mess for about 4 days. I saw my therapist on the morning of the 5th day, and he said basically that this is going to be horrendous, and it's going to be shit.
I walked away and said fuck that. I shifted my focus over to me, the freedom I have, the man I know I am to be, and I just simply focused on it. Within an hour I felt like a fucking god, I was vibrating so high in a way I had never felt before in my life.
The reason I could do this was because I didn't have a choice. You feel like shit after a bad day, oh well, your girlfriend will say it's okay and suck your dick a bit, so you can sooth your failure of a day.
No matter what, bad or good, women are comforts. Strip the comfort away and suddenly you're left raw and bare and you either sink or swim. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN. You either wake up and embrace, and emerge into the man you want to be (or truly are), or you continue being a complacent, comfort seeking, poor me fuck and you live in agony with your failure as a man.
I had been from relationship to relationship for a decade, whether it be LTR or plates or whatever, there was always someone there, stripping away that comfort was one of the most beautiful things to ever happen to me.
You get a chance to embrace you and that's fucking awesome, so thank your ex, empathize with the poor sap who has to follow you and your greatness (which they'll both soon see), and don't let anybody (past or present) stop you from enjoying your god damned day.
PS. It took about 10 days of no contact for her to completely break and barrage me with emotionally hysterical texts because of me living my life and moving on without her. Thankfully it took me less than 10 days to realize my value.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Great story bro, it’s awesome you’re on your feet and grinding
[–]I_STOMP_YOU 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Determine what makes you happy and achieve it. Too many men believe it is a woman who will give it to them and that is way to big a burden for them to bear. If you aren't actively working on your goals then women are just a distraction. Too many guys get into an LTR and their mission and goals go on the back burner. Post break up isn't the time to start re-defining yourself and putting in the work. Should already be well on your way.
Once you're on you way the women come naturally.
[–]korprus 11 points12 points13 points 1 year ago (3 children)
I can confirm that I learned this the hard way.
The actual breakup I handled fine because I sensed it coming, but the aftermath really put me through the grinder. She told me she wanted things to be cool between us because we had mutual friends, I told her I needed time to process it, and she said she understood and wouldnt try to contact me. So of course she writes me THE VERY NEXT DAY asking how I was, and I, thinking she was having second thoughts, took the bait.
I think its very important to actually BLOCK communication with a girl after a breakup, than to simply rely on your ability to ignore her--especially if you were committed and dont have other options like I didnt. The truth is you need to accept the reality that someone is not going to be in your life anymore, so the last thing you need is to be thinking of them. Remove pictures/videos from your phone, delete message history, throw out gifts, dont listen to songs that remind you of her, etc. If you dont want to seem butt-hurt by unfriending her on Facebook, unfollow her feed and select 'ignore messages' in messenger. And, obviously, block her number!
One thing thats stressed a lot on TRP is the relational exchange of sex and attention between us and women. Their currency being sex, ours attention. So its pretty obvious that if she withdraws sex, you need to withdraw attention. And as OP said, she WILL attempt to get it from you, especially if you dont show signs of being phased by her rejection.
Another thing I learned the hard way is that mutual female friends will likely have her best interest at heart--not yours--regardless of who they say is at fault for things going south. Remember, they probably knew she was planning on breaking up long before you did. In fact, they'll probably be reporting back to her exactly how youre handling it, so DO NOT vent, cry, complain, or try to get them convince her of things, because all of that will get back to her, and not in the way that you want. Callous indifference around them is your best bet, and if you cant do it, you may need to ghost them as well until such a point in time that you can.
My ongoing experience was excruciating at first, but it helped me find this community and start focusing on what I can control--myself. Its a long, lonely road, but a worthwhile one.
[–]vorot93 1 points1 points1 points 1 year ago [recovered]
What if I want to use message history as a refernce of what I did right and what I did wrong?
[–]korprus 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago (0 children)
If you're genuinely able to use it to improve yourself and learn something that's fine. In my experience, however, its too painful sifting through correspondence with someone who doesnt share those feelings anymore.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Another thing I learned the hard way is that mutual female friends will likely have her best interest at heart--not yours--regardless of who they say is at fault for things going south.
Another thing I learned the hard way is that mutual female friends will likely have her best interest at heart--not yours--regardless of who they say is at fault for things going south.
Also it is possible to mention a higher than men's sexual corporate solidarity among women for as long as it does not contradict the personal interests. [The Treatise of Love]
[–]TopNotch_Fuckery 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago (1 child)
This post, especially the section about going Ghost Protocol on her ass and ignoring her social media presence, brings up a useful point- staying off of social media all together. Instagram, Snapchat, and all those little shits get you caught up in other people's lives and entice you to waste hours of your time scrolling through petty bullshit. Want to avoid seeing Instagram pictures of your ex/oneitis? Take Instagram off your phone- not only will you avoid seeing her, you'll get back precious minutes or even hours that you can spend increasing your SMV and practicing game, and you'll start getting with hotter girls than her.
[–]A_confusedlover 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I agree and its not just women, instagram and snap especially, excel at feeding people's egos, its just miles of posts full of people showing off and posting everything about their lives. I've felt it often, the jealousy and contempt. It's pointless and you can do without that negativity in your life.
[–]screw56 24 points25 points26 points 1 year ago (10 children)
Thanks for this!! Had to end it my ex who was my best friend but she basically acted so shit so that she would force me to break up with her. This the exact approach I followed and it helped me so much.
[–]thebigkick 1 points1 points1 points 1 year ago [recovered]
Same thing happened to me almost a year ago. We were together for ten years.
Most women are cowards pretending to be strong and independent.
[–]screw56 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (7 children)
I wouldn’t say there are cowards, most women are actually very strong willed an example would be the fact that a grown fetus comes out of their vag,
it’s just that some women are immature especially at a young and primarily don’t like to deal with conflict
There’s a difference between being tough and being brave and mature enough to do the right thing even if it is hard. Nowadays that’s hard to find.
[–]PatsFever 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Like staying with you being the ‘right thing’? She doesn’t owe you anything and you don’t owe her anything. There is no right or wrong.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (3 children)
There's no more bravery required to give birth than to take a shit. When the time comes, either thing will happen with or without your cooperation.
[–]screw56 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (2 children)
Some women die giving birth, you ever go into taking a shit knowing you might die??
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Just cause you die doing something you have no choice about doesn't make you brave for having it happen to you. Also, some people -- quite a few, actually -- die while taking a shit.
P.S. -- sorry if I just ruined your next big shit.
[–]I_STOMP_YOU 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thats physical strength and not every women is a coward using the whole " I'm not sure about us" line. The ones that just up and end it and move on like nothing happened, while it sucks, are not chicken shit and doing you a favor. Most guys, plugged in have trouble dealing with that.
[–]Giddleor 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago (1 child)
It's been almost three months since I ghosted my ex. Ive been following RP guidelines since I did it and I didn't want it to end. "Life's too short to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you or care for you like they used to" is the golden line in this post. My exact situation. First girl, got together when both 16, went to high school stuff, thought of the whole Disney story, etc but it was horrible and my brother snapped me out of it. Ghosted. I'm 19 now, we dated 2 and a half years. Let me tell all of you in this boat now or just coming out and YOU got dumped: life is too short. You can cry, it's okay. You can feel sad and those wounds cut deep and run through your veins as you curl like a fetus and lie there, feeling weak. Know that it gets better. OP hit everything perfectly in this post and listen to the things here. It's you now, no one else will have you and care for you like you, so it's your time to start.
[–]RobertsNC 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Same story, she was my first everything, went to different colleges and did long distance for 1.5 years, she ended it a month ago. I was a mess until I realized she just didn't want me anymore, and I needed to be selfish and focus on myself. What sucks is the a week and a half after she broke up with me I got a post card from her saying how much she loved me and how proud she was of me working so hard in school. Fuck. That. If she loved me so much she wouldn't have ghosted me five days later, I'm glad she did this to me now while I'm in college and not 5 years from now in a marriage. Stay strong bro
[–]cameralover1 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago (0 children)
the great Kanye once said: "but first, you gon remember how to forget".
[–]Icr711 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago (1 child)
This! Delete the text stream! Delete photos Eliminate mental triggers—If there’s a song, stop playing it/delete it. If there’s a movie, delete it.
You hanging on is you hanging on.
The absence of anything is better than the presence of the thing you can’t have.
The red pill sometimes makes you feel hollow and empty. That’s real. It does suck, but it’s real. She’s gone, that’s real. You are without her, that’s real.
No illusion will satisfy you. Illusion is the bitterest pill.
[–]SpaceEnthusiast 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It's emptiness because you are removing something to make space for something else!
[–]awesomesauceitch 1 points1 points1 points 1 year ago [recovered]
When my ex left me after about 4 years I was in shock. This was the only person I ever felt truly in love with. For about 1 month I stayed in contact to try to work things out, but it was not frequent (maybe once a week).
A coworker at the time told me to cut off communication. She will call you if she wants you. It was tough at first, but I never called her again. And she never called me again. That was 18 years ago and I still sometimes dream about her.
This is life. You learn to live with it. She ended up moving in with her boss after us. Later on had kids from multiple dudes. I’m glad her life is treating her well.
I’m single with no kids. 👍🏼 The dreams I have are of a person who no longer exists. Or more accurately a person that never existed. She was not who I thought she was. Best thing I ever did was to take the advice of stopping communication. I hope you will do the same.
[–]Earl_of_sandwiches 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
The best thing that can happen to a guy after he gets dumped by "the one": she spits out someone else's kid inside of a year. It's like the girl you thought you couldn't live without just up and vanished from existence.
[–]eclipsing_yin 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Never get back with an ex. I had to learn this one the hard way despite the many warnings on multiple TRP threads.
She came back and got me to fall in love. The bitch made every promise in the world... "I'm in it for good this time; I want to work through any and all of our issues; bla beh blah beh fucking blah".
Well, she got her masters and started a new accounting job working downtown last September. And her interest slowly started waning ever since. Basically started partying with her male co-workers after work and on weekends. At first, she wanted me to be there. Then, it was optional for me to be there. Until the last occurance, when she told me, "MY friends are coming over, and then WE'RE going out." Needless to say, I wasn't invited. The nagging and bitchiness became more and more prevalent until one day she finally snapped and told me "I just can't do this anymore!"
It's safe to say that her hypergamy in the corporate environment kicked in and now she's out riding the CC every friday & saturday night with her co-worker "friends" who I wasn't supposed to worry about.
[–]turbospeedsc 26 points27 points28 points 1 year ago* (6 children)
True, when I got my divorce I went nuclear and kept it business only about my daughter. A month later I was banging a very hot 30yo with a PhD, a 20 yo escort, a 27yo girl next door, 25yo milf and months later met my current wife at the time a 22yo autistic kids teacher. There's a huge light at the end of the tunnel just man up, go nuclear on the contact and focus all that energy on your job or anything that you can be a fucking bad ass, so the high and adrenaline of kicking ass keeps you on your feet.
BTW I was a 30yo balding, with a small beer gut, but I had fuck tons of confidence at the time that I drew from my job, because at the time I was COO and kicked asses all the time.
[–]Psychocist 12 points13 points14 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Inspiring! Good shit. But marriage again? Why?
[–]turbospeedsc 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (0 children)
keep wondering that myself......
Agreed, it’s awesome things worked out for you and great advice
[–]CorglyMcDougerSquats 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (2 children)
How'd you keep it business only? Sounds like you were close proximity-wise to your daughter.
Currently trying to figure out how to get rid of that woman without ghosting the kids too.
[–]turbospeedsc 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Keep control of the conversation, stick to logistics and financial issues, when i call my daughter just ask her to hand her the phone, later on i got my daughter a $20 cellphone (she was 6 at the time). Be polite no need to drag yourself on the mud, remember be the bigger person.
[–]CorglyMcDougerSquats 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Truth. Most days are as you say but, I was a bit much of an asshole the day I lost custody.
Props to the phone idea. Had enough of the sly comments during video calls. Thanks again.
[–]Raknith 9 points10 points11 points 1 year ago (0 children)
This is really the only way to go about it. In my opinion, once a couple splits up once, it is basically over and is not repairable. They might even do that shit where they get back together for like a year and then what do you know, they're broken up again. Things truly will never be the same again (with the relationship I mean). This is important for men to learn
[–]Avesatanie 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (3 children)
Hi. I was dumped by my ex about two months ago. She was my first love and I had a severe case of oneitis. I was the blue-pilest champion of the world. Now I think (I hope) I can continue with my life without her and I began to approach other people. The issue is, she was in my friends circle and she left me for my brother. I see her about half hour to 3 hours every day. I speak to her because education, but I don't compliment her in any way or laugh at her silly jokes. Overall, I try to ignore her and neither she nor me send text to each other (I didn't blocked her). It doesn't pain me anymore to have her around, but I'm worried that I may relapse to my oneitis. I'm mild autistic, so almost every approach I did failed, so I'm not spinning plates. How do I deal with this situation?
[–]Guthix4Days 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Hey man, congratulations on recognizing the problem. Not many people will admit to having a problem with oneitis.
With that being said, it's over. Having oneitis means your frame is compromised and you will not be able to act properly around this girl. She doesn't respect you and will never reciprocate - she dumped you for another guy and has zero regard for your feelings.
What you need to realise is no matter what you do, DO NOT TALK TO HER. This is very important. Once that door closes it's closed forever, and any attempt to reinitiate will be in vain. If you have a shred of self-respect (and from what I can see you do), you won't try to get back with someone who tossed you away so carelessly.
And STAY OFF THE HORN. This is intertwined with the paragraph above but your heart strings need to heal, and they won't if you keep on poking at these wounds. What I mean is, your recovery process will be hampered if you send her messages or reply to hers or if you stalk her on social media. Don't give her any attention in real life either - continue ignoring her, if she talks to you in person give curt, disinterested responses, don't laugh at her jokes etc. Just be a grey rock to her.
And finally, go and improve on yourself. Meditate, do some harder lifting, improve your diet etc. If these are in check go and find other women. This will help considerably and your oneitis will dissipate.
[–]AllgBeamtenrecht 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (1 child)
man what the fuck. how is the relationship between you and your brother doing?
[–]Avesatanie 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago* (0 children)
He is alpha fucks, he indeed give a fuck. But I'm beta bucks, he needs me more than I need him. Indeed, he asked my help to start a business and after what he did, I removed all my money (89% of the capital) and now he is in huge debt with the bank. Power law: don't step on the wrong shoes. Or something like that.
[–]setsuna0 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Damn, I wish I had this awhile ago. Honestly I fucked up in so many ways. Even now I randomly cringe at how weak I acted. Out of all my past girlfriends I truly never gave a damn. But, the last one kinda broke me. Or at least the weak naive side of me. I always knew to cut off easy and coldly. But, didn’t understand why. I tried to change it up for her. She showed me every reason why my gut feeling is right.
I’ll be honest I’ve been in a self inflicted dry spell. Pushing women away that want to fuck. Idk I just see them as visual downgrades and don’t want to do that. Sometimes I still have thoughts about my ex. She was my other half for a long ass time.
But fuck that. I shouldn’t be dwelling on her. I need to get it together. I feel much stronger after this pain. This helps too
But, didn’t understand why. I tried to change it up for her.
But, didn’t understand why. I tried to change it up for her.
It's called real love, dude.
(Whether or not is sane to open ourselves to it is a separate matter; and it probably isn't.)
[–]LordAjo 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (3 children)
I realized this is exactly why I was trying to cut her out but couldn't, until just a few weeks ago when I finally did no contact and I've never felt better.
I also realized that I've made all the mistakes you mentioned already, and I feel like shit for not knowing this like 7 months ago. I just wish I hadn't give her that amount of power over me and my emotional state.
Any tips to stop feeling anxious about her being a total whore right now?
[–]BNSoul 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (1 child)
don't worry too much, she will wonder what happened to that person who cried and begged and now is completely silent and nowhere to be found, invisible, you gave her power and you can remove that power... simply ignore she exists in the same universe as you do. TL;DR she's dead.
[–]LordAjo 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Hey thanks bro! You're 100% right.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Any tips to stop feeling anxious about her being a total whore right now?
A curious phrasing for "Any tips to make my love/oneitis over her dissolve right now?". Her being a "total whore" affects you only because a part of you still feels affection for her.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (1 child)
A monkey doesn't turn loose of one branch until it has the other in its reach. She probably had another dude already lined up. So if she runs off and wants to come back, just remember, she probably ran off to fuck some other guy for a while. Maybe she thought it was going to be forever, and maybe she just figured she could always come back to you (which means you mismanaged her). Now she's fucked it up one way or another, and is trying to get her old job back. Fuck that.
Also, keep in mind that it's not your job to "teach her a lesson" or to worry about how she's going to treat the next guy. Don't play those girl games.
[–]coin_pwr 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Taking someone back after they have hurt you is like going back to a restaurant that made you eat shit.
Once the steak has been dropped on the floor, it's never the same again no matter how you look at it.
[–]1bruiser18 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (0 children)
All of this applies to me and many others here, very true words.
I'm forever grateful to my ex for crushing my heart and allowing me to become the strongest version of myself, it's what I needed. I deserve more than the low quality woman she is today anyway.
It brings me great pleasure that she lost her shot with a real man who women would be lucky to have and is now in a relationship with an old, fat, bald soy boy. Ah well.
Thank you redpill!
[–]zeuD13 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Been there, done that. My break-up with my ex of a 4 year LTR this summer,brought me to the red pill but not before I did most of the things the OP advices against. I've gone no contact for a good 3 months now, but since I'm kind of religious I felt the need to send wishes around Christmas and Easter, something that didn't turn out well. I also catch myself still trying to find out if she updates her social media at times so I need to improve. Thanks for reminding.
[–]Dextorian 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Not a truer word said, my ex broke up with me and the instant I walked out her door I cut contact didn’t reply to any of her texts removed her from all social media platforms! She got the message after a day or two of constantly blowing up my phone looking for closure! Fast forward 6 months she started to like things on my Instagram pictures of me even though we didn’t follow each other! I was non reactive. Fast forward 12 months she has a new boyfriend ironic thing is he looks like my identical twin! Coincidence maybe! But that breakup lead me to TRP made me a better man! I dropped 2.5 stone look pretty cut, made a huge leap in my career.
[–]motivatedstogs 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (0 children)
If I broke up with the girl, because I realized I was a beta billy and wanted to start fresh. Still keep no contact?
[–]Shroomhead93 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I wish I had found this sub and this post last year. Girlfriend that I was seriously considering marrying broke up with me out of nowhere and I had oneitis bad. Did everything that you said specifically not to do. Tried to get her back. Tried to "open up to her" (something that she had bugged me to do many times, and one of her main reasons for the break up, apparently). As soon as I showed weakness, she treated me as though I was garbage, but when I gave her the cold shoulder all of the sudden she was trying to get my attention again. ALWAYS HOLD FRAME. Just wanted to thank you for posting this advice. Oneitis is extremely difficult for many to shake; admittedly, I still have the urge at times and I have to remind myself to let it go, but this post will certainly help those struggling with it.
[–]reformingbeta123 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thank you bro. Your message came at exactly the right time for me. My girlfriend just cut me off late last week. No breakup, nothing. No responses to my texts. No seeing me anymore (she lives minutes away). I was left wondering, did she break up with me? Was she playing games? WTF?
It isn’t so much that I needed closure. It’s just seemed like a really strange way to end things. But I know she’s not good with conflict and tough emotions. I know she’s a runner, meaning she runs away from tough emotional situations. She wants things nice.
Your point is bang on. She is either involved with me, or she’s not. She doesn’t get to disappear, and later make some claim that I needed to chase after her, which she’s done in the past. You are exactly right, life is too short and my time is too valuable to be with a woman who cannot make up her mind about me. She started our relationship a year and a half ago saying we’ll see how it goes. That’s fine back then, but isn’t ok after over a year. As you say, shit or get off the pot.
You are also right about her weighing out her options for some time. She told me she had a long talk with one of my former girlfriends recently about me. I wondered about this, but didn’t give it much thought. It’s clear in hindsight that she was weighing out her options in that talk.
I have no interest in keeping her as a friend. That would only get in the way of me being available for new relationships.
I’m pretty good at no contact. My earlier contact was to answer my WTF question, this is a break up? But it’s always said to judge a woman by her actions. I was still trying to get an answer to my WTF question. Your post just stopped me cold in my tracks. No more contact.
As for myself, I had already started working on myself. Back in the gym daily. Sharpening up some skills I had left go dormant while I over-invested in her. The SMV is ruthless, and I’ve got to be my best.
[–]anon_nonapplicable 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Funny how my ex left because I 'disrespected her' and threatened to leave if I didn't apologise. I didn't, she left and came back a week later after seeing I wasn't gonna chase. I didn't take her back because I wasn't going to let down my standards and she hurled abuse. Called me a 'pathetic loser' just because I didn't take her back. Since then, I've been constantly lifting, talking to girls and my life is far better. Don't let women dictate your SMV and especially your self worth. You weren't born with her by your side so why should you be upset if she leaves?
[–]xxbigpigxx 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (0 children)
In the words of a small little known band from Austin, TX:
You're not the one with all the problems, no you're not the one with all the problems. She's the one that's full of shit!
So just pick your head up, boy, and walk away. Walk the coolest walk that you know. I know you know that in a month or two the bitch will call you...You gotta...hang up the phone!
[–]h4ndy_c4ndy 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
"I don't care about you anymore" last thing I said to her after finding out that she was going to come back to her ex. That time was hard but I am glad that I didn't show her any of my breakdown.
[–]ManiacMantis 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
As someone who's been beating myself up over my ex that dumped me out of the blue 2 months ago, and I'm only just starting to come to terms with it. Thank you. This breakup has been so hard for me because it was the first relationship where I really made myself an available person to my partner, and the fact that she just dumped me because I stopped supporting her negative behavior to both myself and herself really fucked me up. It bothered me so much that I tried so hard for someone that just gave me shit in return. I wasn't used to that, and I searched for something I did wrong, and essentially blamed myself for being a regular human being, and she didn't like that. Wanted me to be some robot that dispensed nice words and took her abuse when she got upset.
Sorry for the rambling. Great post man. Fuck 'em. I'm ready to seize my thoughts back, and get her out of my mind.
[–]OhDamnBroSki 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I needed this a couple years ago but this is 100% true. Me and the OP are best friends now
[–]jamsawamsa 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Thanks, really needed this.
Just broke up with an ex of 4 years 2 weeks back. Gave in to false hope a little but managed to regain composure after a few days.
The false hope of the "maybe we'll be back together one day" is always what makes it hardest to let yourself move on.
Telling yourself it's tainted, it's over, and it'll never work out is the best way to actually make progress.
[–]Zulophobia 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
you got no idea how much i needed this, thank you
[–]infonymfo1993 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I fucking love this sub reddit so much brotherly love and knowledge shared here amen,!
[–]FunkHavoc 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Man dude I needed this. I’m in the process of swallowing the pill and my oneitis ex girl friend is really giving me some trouble. I’ve initiated no contact, removed her from social media etc, however I still find myself looking at her profiles every so often. Any advice for avoiding this? Every time I look all it does is prolong my pain. I’m really trying to keep myself busy, been lifting regularly, eating right, just got a new job, and working on my social skills. My main problem is when I’m alone, specifically in the morning or at night. Thanks for the post bro, i saved that shit
[–]GearGolemTMF 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Good lord I wish I had this talk/read with someone 4 years ago. We were together for 5 years before she broke up with me. It was hard but the hardest part was the thought that I'd lost the woman I loved to another woman. But in the end when my last plea fell of deaf ears, I said fuck it that fine have a nice life. I cut everything off and went into a healing process that took 2 years. I'm still learning and discovering TRP is helping immensely along with stuff I've picked up over the years. I now have 2 plates, i'm back in school, in a much better job than I was when she was around, independent with nothing holding me back but myself. I'm a much better persona than I ever was with her. I feel like she knows and sees it since she still tries to message me once every 2-3 months which I reply with one word answers if ever. At this point all she has left of me is my netflix password from when we were together which I need to change cause there's no reason for her to use it. Great post!
[–]Supdudeulift 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Needed this badly. This is exactly the scenario I’m going through and I know what I’m supposed to do, I’ve been doing it, but I keep wanting to lash out in anger which after almost a month of being broken up would make me look like a needy bitch. Any discussion to provide “closure” would just give her one more chance to hamster and manipulate me. Thanks for the post
[–]selfhelpjourney 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It’s been 8 months since my ex left, and since then, I’ve lived what you have described. She tried every single thing that you mentioned about trying to let me down easy, be friends, breadcrumbs, etc., and I still went NC. I know for a fact that she didn’t think I was strong enough to go NC, so I get some satisfaction from that. She wanted me out of her life, so I got the fuck out of her life. Since then, I’ve done what you’ve suggested here. I’m in the best shape of my life now, I’m self employed and my business has never been better, I’ve dated and had some amazing experiences that my ex wouldn’t have been down for... In short, I’ve taken all of the energy I was wasting on her, and I’ve invested it into myself. I’m glad you mentioned being “butt hurt”. Truth is, I wasn’t butt hurt. It felt like someone cut me open from my throat to my navel, and poured alcohol on the wound. Butt hurt is an understatement. You are right though, it’s not about what she thinks, and I have a right to do whatever I need to do to be unhurt, and that’s what I’ve done. The truth is that nobody outside of her and I cares enough to remember how hurt I was. If they do happen to care, they have issues themselves. Lastly, it’s crazy, but I do have some gratitude for getting crushed to my core. I’ve had to fight my way back, get to know myself again, and reinvent myself. I don’t know that there are too many other life experiences that spawn the kind of motivation that heartbreak can. In my opinion, you said it all, and you said it right OP.
[–]The_Handsome_Penguin 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (1 child)
This helps me immensely. Thank you!
[–]Enigma221 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (3 children)
What if there's a child involved and you have oneitis
[–]BNSoul 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (2 children)
treat her as a business partner, communicate about the child and only the child, no personal stuff.
[–]Enigma221 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Hey thanks for the advice man I really appreciate it. I kind of had the feeling that would be the route, but my oneitis and the fact of the memories we had together and that she was my first is what kind of leaves me in a state where I just can't seem to want to leave her and think about her all day even though we've been no contact for about 2 months now. It won't be easy but I'll try to communicate with her and treat her as such.
[–]BNSoul 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It's only natural that you still feel attached, the emotional bond you created will take a bit to fade (you have a child together!), women can basically skip this part (bonding) and jump into someone else's arms... and men are the ones left to mourn the loss of "love". You can try meditation and mindfulness, basically you need to move on, you want to move on and get over this person since she is no longer your romantic partner but the mother of your child. She's a memory, an idealized fantasy, look at the facts as cold as you can, she left and she is nothing but the mother of your child now and, as such, you will solely contact this person for the matters that concern your child and nothing but your child, if she tries to talk about something else remain silent.
[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (1 child)
DUDE! This is my daily dose of red pill alright. I have been going through my own red pill and MGTOW journey in a clumsy way but your points hit it home and i want to be the guy that hits that home run. Unfortunately, i cried like a little bitch and remained friends with her for maybe like a year. at first, yes i wanted to win her but then i thought "maybe i can use this as an opportunity to learn about female nature" and boy did i ever. I'd like to think because she knew how much i was learning about her true nature that that is why she shamed me and became a major hypocrite. Thanks to her confirming much of what the community has been saying for ages, i am have been over her months ago, albeit, not completely but not as bad as when my wounds were raw. I just use her as a reference to what you folks often talk about. Plus I am not afraid of being the arrogant jerk around women because I gladly make fun of their fake attire and attitude. Just have that longing from time to time. NEVER STOP spreading daily doses of red pills dude. When I read beautiful posts like yours, i am reminded that the longing I have is much akin to hearing the voices of muses that caused captains to crash their ships and die. haha no wonder mythology/religion is littered with associating female nature with destructive chaos and male nature with the order; both are good in balance ofc.
oddly enough, before she went on to embrace her chaotic evil, i saved a picture of her, which she later removed so that i do not see it, i remember looking at it and saying to myself "fuck, i was attracted to her at some point and devoted my life to this thing?" She is attractive, don't get me wrong but idk, it was defo a weird experience. Side note: i honestly feel that i became her (the old her, who was moral and just) and she became be (the old me, who enjoyed destruction and only cared about getting his end).
and lol, you remind me of what Patrice O'Neal said to Jim Norton "Remember, there is only one of you and plenty of her".
Dude, just, thank you for writing this. I cannot tell you how many boys and men alike do not think like this (like how i didn't during the breakup phase). It is through the pain that real men are forged out of the fire (or however that quote goes). Peace be upon you brothers
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
i honestly feel that i became her (the old her, who was moral and just) and she became be (the old me, who enjoyed destruction and only cared about getting his end).
i honestly feel that i became her (the old her, who was moral and just) and she became be (the old me, who enjoyed destruction and only cared about getting his end).
Exactly. Deep feelings pushed your ego into your self's lower domains (the soul, "anima", the soft kernel). On the other hand, in the woman, a bedrock of impassivity lies beneath the soft endearing surface (the "animus").
She'll like you insofar as you act "alpha" (= the old you), and lose respect and attraction if you turn "beta" (the new you, roughly).
[–]Ihatemoi 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I needed this post so badly today. I was again thinking about my ex (she dumped me 4 months ago) and made a sunny sunday a shitty sunday. It is important to remember that fuck that self improvement is the way to go onwards.
[–]gelstony 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Great post! All of it is so true. This is exactly the strategy that I used after the (very messy) breakup with my LTR.
[–]help757575 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
There is a lot of postings on this topic but I haven't been able to read one where the topic is discussed in the context of what do you do when you have kids. You can't shut everything off, you have to see them, especially when they are younger. To me it's easy to not have oneitis with an LTR that you don't have kids with, but one you have kids with how?
[–]maniacalMUPPET 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I wish that I'd seen this a month ago. This perfectly describes what happened to me, and I did all the wrong things. Only discovered this subreddit about a week afterwards- oh well. The future is yet unwritten.
[–]RPApprentice999 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Excellent post, man. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Really good to point out the breadcrumbs as I just got hooked into that a bit, after being NC for more than a month. Guess who calls ? Yeah, her. I talked to her for 45 minutes. I should have hung up or not answered. Next time I'll handle it better.
NC is fantastic for getting over exs. The only way to go.
[–]CorglyMcDougerSquats 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thanks OP. Good stuff.
Any thoughts on a dad that unfortunately can't ghost due to kids? Have to call her phone to see the kids and deal with it all over again.
[–]U-94 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Breakups are a gift from god. You get to be single again. Relish this.
[–]Fedoteh 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)
So how do you guys would react if you are in a LTR and you find out 6 months later that she has some friends who were boyfriends in the past? "ah yes, I my friend is an ex. But he's totally cool. We are friends now. We moved on.". That's a super common scenario. Being a man, I presume that the ex-bf is his "friend" because he has the idea to bang her again, eventually. Should an alpha male accept that, or just ignore the other guy? I know that lions won't bother about sheep's opinions, but in this case it wouldn't be about caring if she has an ex beta bf around (he's no match against you), but caring about she has minimal respect for her new alpha and cut every communication with someone who banged her in the past? How do you feel about it?
[–]fatboy-slim 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Bravo!!! Finally someone clearly puts in words everything I’ve been advising friends over the years!
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago* (4 children)
I didn't read this huge post-
I think I know what OP is saying- That's why the following is critical;
Even when you are in an LTR- you need to keep pinging a few women as, "friends". These girls are cute, below your SMV by just a tick and they are DTF.
These girls are there for you just incase your girl crushes you- when your girl breaks up with you. You are dick deep in 4 hours. You tell them what happened, they go "poor baby" and will fuck your brains out. If you are counting on one girl, this isn't going to work... this is why you gotta have ~4 girls pinged during your LTR... just a text every few weeks or so for maintenance.
This helps the healing process. Think this is wrong? Almost... all... women... do this. Especially if she just broke up with you, there's a decent chance she's smashing that night. Girls move on before they move on.
[–]Raknith 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (2 children)
I don't know why you've been downvoted. Everything you said is true. Girls definitely do this too.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 1 year ago (0 children)
It helps with your girl not slinging you shit when she knows you can get another girl in her (your) bed that night.
[–]Werewolf35b 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Because he didn't read the post yet is asserting he knows what op is talking about then puts a novel of his own out. Douchey
[–]FinancierGuru 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Clownish behavior is not going to get you anything good.
[–]anabolic92 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (3 children)
What about no contact if you still have to see her almost daily?
I think that depending of the situation going no contact isn't the best choice, after discussing with some other people you simply are correct with her, you still withdraw all of the attention/validation you might have been given her.
[–]Guthix4Days 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)
You just stop actively seeking her out. Give short, disinterested replies to anything she says to you and don't go out of your way to hang out.
[–]SpaceEnthusiast 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)
Do you really HAVE to see her almost daily? There are many situations where you can really reduce the amount of contact you go through.
[–]anabolic92 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Three days a week for 3 hours.
I made a therad on asktrp a few weeks ago and /u/vandaalen recomended to just be normal and formal with her.
[–]Skinjob85 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
About 2 years ago, my ex suddenly went radio silent and pulled a full 180 on me out of the blue for 2 weeks. I knew what was going on, just didn't want to accept it at the time, and I saw the breakup coming long before she finally had the guts to face me.
She wanted to do this right before I was about to leave on a business trip abroad, I made her come a day earlier. No way I was going to step on a plane and face customers like that.
Not going to lie, this being the first real time being broken up with it still hit pretty hard. Had her stuff packed up long before, so I gave her the bag, told her she could take one last look if I had missed anything, and that was that.
Or so I thought. When I got back from the trip I actually tried the "let's be friends" route (note - never again), only to be stonewalled and told that "she needed space".
10 minutes later I had removed her from my social media, deleted any pictures there were of us, and deleted any trace of chats.
A few weeks later I'd had a few dates that were disappointing, and after 8 weeks I was together with my current partner, with whom I've been very happy ever since.
Learned a valuable lesson though - once it's over, be glad it's over. Delete, throw away any physical evidence, rinse, and get the fuck back out there. I'm fairly certain that situation won't come again, but if it does I am prepared.
[–]throwlaca 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I can't believe there are people that get oneitis for a ex.
I got plenty of horrible oneitis, but for girls that I cannot have/rejected me, etc. Once I fuck them, oneitis dissapear. It seems to be an entirely different class of oneitis that we are talking about. I mean once you fucked a girl 10 times....what makes you want her so much again? it gets boring. Sometimes I can't get it up if I fuck always the same girl, I suppose everybody is different.
[–]TermiFaptor 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Inject testosterone and focus on enjoying single life
Suck it up pussy!
That works for so so many problems
[–]PB0034 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
[–]victordmor 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thank you, brother. Good words and excellent finishing I must say.
[–]yorukkral32 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thanks mate, its a great post and it helps me to get back to reality.
[–]keysomea 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
What if you broke up with her ? How do you deal with that lingering oneitis ?
[–]realrandomshit 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I wish my father would have told me this! You can spare the suffering and recover... good post
[–]truedemocracy3 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thanks man, needed to hear this. Good fucking pep talk full of cold hard truths. That's what I come here for.
[–]WonGuarantor 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Fuck - thats some crazy shit that all dumped men ought to read.
[–]ironjohnred 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)
this was a good read. thanks bro!
[–]kirklikdacapt 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Thanks for the reminder dude, been acting like a straight up little bitch. While I don't subscribe to most of what "red pill" entails, things like this keep me from unsubscribing from this sub.
[–]blackbeardbastard 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (2 children)
Block her ass on social networks / IMs, or just no contact?
[–]xxbigpigxx 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (1 child)
I don't like blocking people. But my advice is to block until you are sure you are 100% idgaf over her. Because one message is all it takes to pick open the scab on your heart. Once you are sure you are healed, you can unblock if you so choose, but still don't contact.
[–]reformingbeta123 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I commented yesterday about my girlfriend sort of breaking up with me by doing a disappearing act. Last night she met me in person and did the brake up.
I’m going read this post daily until I’m out of the danger zone. No contact. No contact. No contact.
Red Pill is like the AA for beta males. It’s the truth and it works. And yes, I’ve read everything on the sidebar. Some of it more than once or twice. It’s important to internalize it.
The girl offered me the conciliation prize of remaining her “friend”. A platonic thing. The old me would have taken the bait. I said, no, I am only interested in an intimate sexual relationship with a woman, or I don’t ever want to see her again.
She launched into how she must be the center of her man’s world. How her man was expected to pay for her many trips, devote all his spare time to her. From what I could tell, she got her previous husband (who died unexpectedly) trained into this role, I’m listening to this thinking, go find a beta provider. Pre Red Pill me would have tried to find a way to make it work. I simply said no, Not me, with the 16 Commandments of Poon running in the back of my mind.
Now, this woman is 57, post wall. I’m older, and very fit. She can still dress up and do her makeup to look good, but in the morning, well that’s another story. When she dresses up, she can get lots of male attention. She made that clear to me in her farewell, that I’m not so special and she can replace me in a minute. I’m thinking, sure you can easily replace me, and you’ll have no problem finding a thirsty beta provider. But you will eventually tire of him, per Commandments III and IV.
Now, I already started on self-improvement. Daily 5am hit the gym. Learning some other stuff. Making my life about me, Something I had fucked up with her.
I reflect on this thought. What if I hadn’t come across Red Pill. A Red Pill moderator pointed me to this material. I cringe to think how I would have things. Thanks men.
[–]ab10016 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I don’t think you necessarily have to stop talking to her. BUT If you’re angry/bitter/sad/hurt about the break up, then I’d advise going ghost and having no contact. Because as long as you’re angry and mad about the break up, you will act out in BP ways thus breaking your frame. Temporarily disable ALL social media. After the break up she will most likely flex on the gram-showing off her being single and free. You on the other hand should be on monk mode. Disappear and improve on yourself.
TL;DR if you haven’t came to peace with the break up, go ghost on her. If you’re at peace with the break up, be alpha enough to be her friend, and indirectly remind her who she missed out on.
[–]Solitary_Solidarity 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
When i went through my first breakup i didn't feel anything, the second one hurt a little more but I was over it pretty fast. Didn't talk to either, except when the second saw me on snapchat and asked how i was. I didn't respond,
I think i might be a sociopath or something or just wasnt that invested. The OP is right though No sense in feeling sorry for yourself learn from it and move on to the next, improve yourself. For yourself and not for a hope of "winning" her back, thats a defeatist attitude.
[–]Matematik150 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
i fell for the breadcrumbs...she ghosted me for a week and then she wrote "shure we can go for a coffe", I replied in 10 minutes and she didnt even seen the message, how DID I NOT FUCKING SEE THIS.
[–]MericanBlue 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)
I agree about all of this. However, what if the ex is literally the hottest girl you’ve ever been with (by far)?
I get that oneitis is a trap etc., but I’m 30 years old. I’ve been with dozens of girls and my recent ex is by far and away the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had.
The math says I’ll never have a girl that hot again. It took me 30 years to have a shot at having her and now I’ve blown it.
I’m moving on but might need to accept I’ll never be with another 10 ever again.
[–]whenrealgetsreal 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
30? You have plenty of years to become better and better than who you are now , of course you can get a hotter girl , all this self doubt negative talk is in your head , onetitis hard. Hard next. Get out there and conquer your mission you’ll have plenty more BUT you won’t if you don’t THINK you will. Keep moving brutha.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
Oh wow, this is so refreashing to me been currently in a week of no contact with my ex after she gave me "the talk" and wanted to be platonic "friends" I obviously declined and did no contact, and I've never worked out harder, got a new job, been going on walks and working on mastering frame etc. Fuck them, leave them in the past like they left you.
[–]John-ozil 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
excellent post dude. one of the best ive read on trp.
[–]unburdenedsophos 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)
I would just like to point out that this post is relevant for both sexes. Just sayin'. Never thought, as a woman who has recently been dumped, I would find the best break up advice on trp.
[–]V1SoR -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
This is not a helpful post. My break up with my LTR happened over an year ago, and I know from personal experience that back at the time, no amount of reasoning was able to help. To put it simply, when you have oneitis, your brain is disconnected from your emotions. You know what's the best thing to do, and it's far from the thing that you actually want to do.
My suggestion would be different. Go through all of that shit. Stalk her online, get hurt, get over it. Let it shape the new, red version of yourself. This will allow you to make sure you never repeat the same mistake again. You will safeguard your emotional well-being because you will have learned how bad it can actually get. If you try to avoid the bottom of despair that you absolutely must reach to rise up again, you will always underestimate the severity of such an emotional state. I believe that will always prevent you from fully digesting the pill. At best you'll be purple.
So, don't listen to OP and just do what you feel like doing. When the time comes, you will stop and know better from there on out.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
The hardest bit is when she requests a booty call, especially if the sex was crazy
[–]1FranticlyFrank -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
This post was a reply on some guys YouTube channel, but thanks for copy-pasting, since it's really good!
[–]Smidest -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
Didn't read one word but agree with the title.
[–]tubulardude -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)
If you're truly a strong confident man, can't you just say fuck it anyway and still see her (when convenient) as a friend? Just because you want to, you enjoy it, and you're in control of your own life? Just demote her back to the same frame you saw her in when you just met her. You have no right to her, the feelings you had were all bullshit in reality (obviously- since you're not together), she is a separate person, you had your turn, and now she's just a friend. But you still see her to keep tabs on her, practice strong frame with an attractive girl, and remind yourself of where your standards for girls lie.