Field ReportBullet Points 2: Ending a Good Relationship (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by throwawaydegar

Hey guys. Towards the end of last year I wrote a post here called Bullet Points. It seemed to be pretty well received and if you filter by top posts it is within scrolling distance (I am proud of that if you are wondering.) Read it maybe if you are interested in reading this, just for context and the discussions in the comments were quite good from memory.

I attempted to do a follow up last month but it read like shit and frankly I don’t think I had anything to say, I was just writing something down to write something and it felt that way. So, I deleted it. It was shit. You missed nothing.

In the original post I popped down my thoughts on dating post breakup and what I was doing that seemed to work. A lot of people had questions pre-break up though and I always said I would try and write about that but then I just never did. So fuck it, give it a go now I suppose?

This is of most relevance to someone who wants to breakup with a girl they actually like for no reason other than wanting to be single. I was blown away at how common a problem this seems to be! She isn’t awful. She isn’t cheating. She is nice. She is everything you thought you wanted………you just don’t want her.

This carries the same caveat as the first post. I do not know. This is just what I did and what I thought about. It might read as egocentric ranting due to the fact I will say “I” a lot. But that is all I have. I am no expert and I am not qualified to help you in anyway, that being said, knowing that other people had the same thoughts would have helped me when doing this shit.

  1. How do you know you should end it? If you are here reading this hoping it contains any answers then you might already know. If you read the posts here and think you would really like to be out in the world doing this stuff and having your own field report worthy exploits then that is reason enough. That is why I ended it. My relationship was good but I felt I had lots of self improvement stuff I wanted to do and fun I wanted to have and for some reason I just didn’t think I was able to do that in a relationship. There are only so many hours in the day and I wanted to focus on work, get into lifting, learn a language, travel more, have a lot of sex with strangers and I just didn’t see how that was possible being in a good relationship as that also takes time as well. So I ended it and pursued these things. That is all the reason you need. That sounds selfish and not enough but really, wanting to end it is all you need. You do not have to put evidence before a committee and have anyone approve it. You are free to end a relationship just because you want to try not being in it.

  2. What if you regret it? You won’t. You just won’t. It’s a natural fear to have but you can only make the call at the time based on how you feel and what you know at the time. I will say this, make sure you have a plan. Have stuff you want to do instead of being in the relationship. That will make it easier to not even think you might regret it. Focus on the new stuff and enjoy your new life and all the extra time.

  3. Worried about not being good with women? So, you want to leave and fuck a lot but what if you find it hard and girls don’t want you? Again, I don’t think you will find this. You are here so you know that being yourself and just be nice doesn’t cut it. You are already ahead of the dating field. The two most important things I’ve found are be as attractive as you can be (lift, dress right, hygiene etc) and make sure you understand frame. Really. Internalise your understanding of frame. See it in everything. Know it like you know how to smell or hear. I can’t explain that but thankfully people way smarter and more articulate than me already have in the sidebar. Please please grasp this concept. You will find dating easy if you do. It’s almost like cheating it makes such a difference. Also, do the shit in the first post. Or whatever your variations on it are. Have a plan.

  4. Practical things. Living together? Someone has to move. It’s a hassle. Its shit. But it ends and eventually you will be living somewhere else. Everything ends. Getting a tooth pulled is shit but you are not in that chair forever. It ends. Sooner you start the sooner it ends, just get on with it. This is not a reason to stay. Once you live on your own with all the things you want to do and a whole bunch of plates spinning you won’t think about the annoying 4 week transition. It’s a price worth paying. It’s a cheap price for what you get.

  5. Practical things. Shared friends? You are going to lose some of them. It happens. You will keep some and so will she. Just be as decent a human as you can and be cool with everyone. You won’t miss them once you get started on all the stuff that you feel you can’t do just now.

  6. Will it be horrible when I find out she is fucking someone else? I mean, if you want it to be. But really it makes no difference. Of course she is out banging dudes. As she should. Good for her. She’s had thoughts about some guys the whole time you have been together just like you have with some girls. She should go for it! She likely will quickly. Unfollow on social media (better yet, don’t have it but that’s a whole other debate I don’t want).

  7. The conversation. Set a time in your head and stick to it. Don’t bitch out of it. You will be anxious as fuck and want to. This makes it worse. Stick to it. Leading up to it you will feel horrible and nervous. The second you start you will begin feeling gradually better. This is strange as your feeling gradually better will coincide with her feeling gradually more awful. That is a strange place to be in but again, it ends. That tooth will be out soon. Be blunt but not cold. Be nice. Care. But care about you more. Set out real clear that it’s over. There is no negotiation or debate. There is nothing to argue. “I am telling you something as opposed to asking you something and I am sorry that it is obviously horrible news for you but I won’t justify it anymore than I have. I am leaving this relationship because I don’t want to be in it anymore.” Sounds fucking horrible right but trust me, it’s a good script to stick to. You might need to say it a few times. Tell your friends in advance. Have somewhere lined up to go. A friend to meet for beer in two hours. You shouldn’t be in that conversation longer than 2 hours.

  8. Immediate Aftermath. As little contact as possible. Be caring. Be compassionate. But also suggest that she would be better talking to her friends as it’s not for you to fix.

  9. General aftermath. You are going to want male friends. Single male friends. You will have a lot of fun with these guys. If you have a list of things to achieve, you are being as attractive as you can and have an understanding of frame you will have a great time with these guys and you will feel like you have done more improvement in 2 months than the previous x years. If you don’t have single male friends, you will end up with some. An acquaintance and you will likely become closer due to your new status. Your couples friends won’t hold the same appeal. It’s ok. It’s normal.

  10. I got to 9 and feel I should have 10 but I am not sure I do. Eh…….don’t worry about it! It likely feels really fucking stressful to you and like it’s going to a be a huge deal EVERYONE will care about but honestly most people won’t give a fuck. I dreaded telling people as I thought it would lead to big chats and they would make me second guess myself, 99% of the people I told said, “Ah really? You ok? Yeah. Good. So what is happening for Friday we thinking 8pm or you want later?” They did not give a fuck. It isn’t THAT important and we are all dying anyway so who cares?

There we go. I wrote it down. It may only appeal to someone in the exact scenario. But if one person likes it and it helps then fuck it, worth writing it I suppose. I would’ve liked someone to have said these things to me when I was stressing out thinking I was an awful person for wanting to end a good relationship and feeling that way for like 5 months. Skip it. Just get on with it.

As always, happy to chat in comments provided it’s fun, I don’t feel any desire to argue points or defend them as this was just what I did and thought. There is no right or wrong really.

Many blessings to you all.

EDIT1: This is NOT a post for if you are married, have kids or are in some family unit. Never done any of those things so I wouldn't dare to comment on how you remove yourself from that situation or if you even should.

TLDR: Breaking up with a girl for no reason is fine. Wanting to do it is all the reason you need.

[–]GodOfDinosaurs 110 points111 points  (16 children)

Think I needed this right now. I've been feeling this way about my LTR for about a month, but I'm paralyzed. She's everything I could really ask for and yet I'm just not that interested anymore.

Maybe I'm being a blue-pilled beta bitch, but I literally get a knot in my chest when I think about doing it. She's an incredibly kind and genuine person, and probably the only girl I've met that I can say most AWALT concepts do not apply to; including hypergamy. Just sucks that I can't make myself want a relationship anymore.

[–]sef239 154 points155 points  (7 children)

there's nothing "beta" or "bitch"-like about loving someone or feeling hurt over breaking up with someone you love. you can be an aggressive and confident person and be vulnerable as well. IMO the red pill is about recognizing and conquering your responses to emotion, not rejecting them. it's also completely fine to break up with someone because you aren't interested anymore...

[–]BorisJohnson4PM 45 points46 points  (2 children)

u/sef239 Best response I’ve seen on TRP, genuinely pleased to see that there are people that get this. I think that TRP overlooks, overplays or even repressed this truth

[–]3nebder 22 points23 points  (1 child)

It’s not overlooked. It’s left to personal discretion.

See u/whisper post on sperg like typing or alpha sperg lists or some shit like that. You don’t wait for someone to give you approval that it’s “alpha” to be kind, caring or considerate of others.

Unplugging means taking a healthy objective look at you morals, ethics and motivations without the social programming filters that have been forced onto you. Then you decide what kind of person you want to be.

I prefer to be kind when I can. It comes from a position of strength now that it’s my choice instead of something I’m “supposed to do”. I don’t have to do it and I don’t do nice/kind things with the expectations (covert contracts) that it will be reciprocated. I’ve also learned that I have no problems making unethical decisions or actions when it’s the best action to take. Nothing in life is ever solid black and white. Strike the balance that you’re comfortable with.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You've understood me.

It's not about whether you like tabletop RPGs, or racing Porsches. It's not about whether you choose to be a pro bodybuilder or a software engineer. It's not about whether you party with sluts every night, or settle down with a Catholic girl and have 2.5 kids.

It's about rejecting the ways that others try to program you, so you can live for you, and not for other people.

To be an "alpha male" sort of person isn't compatible with asking others for instructions on how to live your life, only with asking them how you might do this or that thing (which you yourself have decided to do).

So I can tell young bros how to handle a woman, but I can't tell them how to be men. I can't give instructions for being the sort of man who doesn't look to others for instructions. I can only point down the road, while idiots stare at my finger, and every once in a while someone gets it.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly. To be honest, you did it in one paragraph. I agree completely. Just takes me a shit load longer to say it!

[–]M0n33baggz 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I used to think part of being being redpilled meant rejecting emotions but I’ve learned they’re more like your war counsel, you have to consult with all of them before you can plan and execute an attack

[–]makethemflaunt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great analogy. In the Internal Family Systems psychotherapy model, they suggest that strong emotions are owned by internal parts or aspects of one's self. The general suggestion is to identify when a part of you has been triggered into having an emotional response, then pause and take the time to try to understand that part and its concerns and fears, and then returning to a more stable part of yourself, from where you make your decisions. Our emotions, or the parts of ourselves that are triggered into feeling emotions can indeed be considered a war council, or a collection of advisors. What I love about TRP is the concrete ways we are using to explore and understand our inner worlds and leverage that understanding for real material (and non-material) gain and triumph.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (3 children)

I've been paralyzed in the same situation for about two years now. Finally ending it now but it's torn my up pretty good and burned two more years of her fertility. Ended up hurting the one I love and myself much more than if we had ended it two years ago.

[–]hammerhearth 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Been there. It's over and done now. There's no going back.

Go hike the Appalachian Trail.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Fuck the Appalachian trail that shit is boring af. Out west is where it's at, PCT baby. Edit: yeah I know it's a personal bias. Thought we could be men and didn't have to be polite on the sub haha Overall thanks for the tip though. Sorry if I was Dick.

[–]hammerhearth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's all the same challenge to the mind.

[–]acidic_bitch_apparel 27 points28 points  (0 children)

The worse you feel about potentially breaking up with someone, the more ok they will actually be. She’s awesome and so you feel bad for “throwing away” such an awesome relationship? If she’s awesome enough to make you second guess yourself, she is awesome enough to overcome the temporary pain of realizing you don’t want to be with her. At the end of the day, a woman who is worth anything doesn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want her, and she will realize that and land on her feet.

[–]rainbow_defecation 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you don't want a relationship anymore there's no point in staying in one, you might feel guilty about it but you come first. Do what's good for you first, worry about other people second, if at all.

[–]2CasaDeFranco 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same position, great girl, low n count, good family. I should be interested but I'm running my own firm and we are about to double in the next year.

I have no emotional energy or time to invest in a LTR but the thought of ending it makes me feel like a mistake.

I'll bite the bullet next week when I jet home. All the best.

[–]frey88 57 points58 points  (8 children)

I'm dealing with TRP now for quite some time. After years of dealing with this shit, I still struggle just like most men in my situation with the harsh reality of the female nature. Talking about hypergamy and so forth. To a certain extend though I am surprised by the hypocrisy I am reading in the comment section. Most of you guys moan about women being unfaithful, ruthless and unforgivable (AWALT; Bitches ain't shit). Plenty of posts here are from man saying they have met women who display NAWALT behaviour and are generally saying how GREAT those women are, but then decide to leave those women. What you guys fail to realize is, that you are acting like the women you keep complaining about. You're in a relationship with a partner who is willing to sacrifice everything for you, but you are willing to throw that away because just like most women in similar situations you lose the tingles for her because she is investing too much and too caring. A partner like that doesn't seem to be interesting to you anymore, because the "easy-to-get" validation you are recieving simply isn't enough for you, so you decide to chase different pussy. It's kind of insane to think that most of you men are so disappointed by the female nature, yet, you act like women. Don't get me wrong. If you want to have sex with multiple women for the sake of it, that's fine. But some of you should realize, that you are hopping on a different bandwagon for validational reasons. Not because of pussy. And that's female nature 101.

[–]laviksa 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Interesting observation, it's always nice to read replies that go against the current.

Just some additional thoughts:

  • Maybe this effect is due to an SMV disparity that is to big (or grew to big) for the hindbrain to emotionally maintain a steady LTR?

  • If one enters a relationship with a NAWALT that is near his own SMV, it would be hard to grew tired of her no?

  • Maybe the NAWALT is really an AWALT (because AWALT), but she chooses to maintain NAWALT behavior because she senses her SMV is way below your own SMV?

[–]SmilingWatermelon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Good points and we'll written. But I don't think men wanting to bang multiple women is female nature or hypergamy. It's a man thing. We simply get tired of banging the same woman, regardless of your reason for wanting new pussy; it's already in our nature to spread our seed as far and wide as possible. If anything it's in our nature to lose tingles after we smash a few times.

As for the men being hypocrites, it's really different all around. Beta men tend to get cheated on more and see the worser side of women. While alphas have their pick of the lot and will leave a good woman if he's bored. Just like most women will cheat if they are bored.

At the very least these men are choosing to end the relationship honestly. When they could be cheating.

[–]bnine_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think he was saying that men wanting to bang multiple women is totally fine if he wants to do it for the sake of doing it. Banging multiple women for validational reasons is female behaviour. And the problem is figuring out which one it.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's a fair comment. But. I don't view these trait as negative. If women leave men because they want to, I'm good with that. Just how they are.

If a man leaves a woman because he wants to. Fine.

Its not bad. It's not good. It just is.

I have zero anger about women. I like them. They are great. So I don't mind if this behaviour reflects some behaviour they do.

[–]hammerhearth 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You either rob her of her youth, or you stay, marry, have kids, and wait for her to divorce rape you.

[–]RedKingRising 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Rob? You say that like she doesn't have a choice.

[–]ramfex21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is rare on a mans part... 75% of divorces or break ups are initiated by females

[–]ananyo007 44 points45 points  (6 children)

This post would've helped a month ago. But I already did it. No regrets.

She was NAWALT. And I still did it.

There's this time when something tells you to jump from the metaphorical cliff. And you know it. All of us have it. But we rationalise it by saying shit like she loves me, I don't have any reason to, she's the best thing that happened to me, I'm so wrong in wanting this.

10 years later, you're married. Great job, good pay. Who gives a shit? I've got kids to take care of. Who gives a shit? Everything is so good. Who gives a shit? There's still that voice in the back of your head screaming at you "motherfucker, I asked you to jump 10 years ago. You still haven't jumped."

Yeah, I've been there. No, do it. Just fucking jump. Will you hit the rock bottom? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes.

But that moment of absolute untethered freedom you feel just after doing it is cathartic. It'll hurt but like OP said, time will heal you. Make your own mistakes brothers.

In time you'll realise it was a necessary sacrifice.

[–]hammerhearth 17 points18 points  (2 children)

I recently ended a similar NAWALT relationship for that reason. There's a thought in the back of our heads that says "she's NAWALT now but about that divorce rape thing in 6-20 years?"

Men desire freedom. Women desire access.

Keep your wits about you.

[–]ananyo007 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Only you stay with yourself till end of the line bro. Everything else withers away and decays.

Stay vigilant.

[–]artieman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Men desire freedom. Women desire access.

This spoke volumes to me. Thanks for that.

[–]M0n33baggz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad I’m still young enough to make mistakes

[–]Cabbletitties 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so deep, I appreciate it.

[–]v1_petr 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Nice post. I recently went through a similar break-up and having this list would have definitely made it easier.

[–]Denver_Luv3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfollow on social media (better yet, don’t have it but that’s a whole other debate I don’t want).

Fortunately, I have already written on just this topic, but the advice to unfollow an ex is excellent.

I'm convinced that social media is a net loss for most guys (and most chicks, but I don't expect chicks to figure that out).

[–]UrMomWasABichToo 1 points1 points [recovered]

Hey man, first off great post. It's strange that I just saw this when I've been contemplating this very thing for awhile. I've been red pill savvy for almost three years and started a LTR almost 2 years ago. I have no problems beside the fact I can't help but want to be on my own.

Shes a great girl no issues, never argue, really great physically and mentally but again I've always been happeist single. My issue is the guilt. Shes done everything she's supposed to in this relationship who am I to just walk off because.

It's been pretty difficult to come to terms with this as it seems so cold and wrong. We just just signed a year long lease together so I'm not quite sure we're to go from here.

[–]badgerninjacow 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Your situation is so similar to mine. I’d like to know your plans if you have any.

[–]blablabla10101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do it you will find someone to share the lease with

[–]U-94 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I did this a few years ago. Girl was fine albeit on the crazy side with a bunch of other problems (legal, money) and even though she had a nice condo and was completely into me, I had to walk away. I just let little things build up until the stress hit 'critical mass' in a fight and used that as my chance to walk out. It felt like quitting a job. This girl was easily an 8 or 9 blonde bombshell, BTW. Perfect on paper but it's like evaluating players coming into the NFL Draft. Intangibles, yo.

[–]citizensounds 1 points1 points [recovered]

I did this 8 years ago and still dream about her... Just did last night. Hard to know what to make of it.

[–]hammerhearth 22 points23 points  (2 children)

I still dream of my first girlfriend and I've been in many amazing relationships since.

Don't let it eat you. Consider it a blessing. Many men don't even get to experience such feelings in their entire lifetimes.

[–]citizensounds 1 points1 points [recovered]

Thanks man. That helps a lot, actually.

[–]IAMA__Sloth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s a reason why the line, “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” is so popular.

[–]TheDialecticParadox 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds like a lot of men on here have this issue. I'm one of them. I think it's important to understand it's in our nature as men to have the desire to go out and spread our seed in every pretty women we see and explore our options, no matter how good things are 'at home'.

[–]citrusavengers 1 points1 points [recovered]

This shit is fucking hard, same situation with me NAWALT and everything but my girl is like a glass vase. Her dad died when she was young, so it would hit her super hard if I did it. I feel like if I dumped her she would break, and the thought of how upset she will be makes me feel truly awful. This is the thread I needed to see and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one.

This is messed up but I almost wish she would cheat on me just to give me an excuse to pull the trigger, but in reality that would be a lot worse. Just the thought of letting it all go gives me that pain in my stomach, but on the other hand I will definitely take shit to a whole new level with the freedom. RPd before meeting her but didn't reach my full potential. Fuck this shit is hard. Anyway stay strong RP bros will be writing posts and shit when I do it.

[–]RedKingRising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She survived before you and she will survive after. Its. Or your responsibility

[–]badgerninjacow 1 point2 points  (3 children)

My situation is similar. My Ltr has a history of suicide attempts and depression and is as you say, a “glass vase”. So you have a plan?

[–]tallwheel 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Yep. I can relate so much to both of you guys' situations. My GF worships the ground I walk on, cooks, cleans, has excellent taste in beer, and is eager to fuck daily.

But her father left her when she was a little kid, and her single mom abused the hell out of her and told her she never wanted to have her and would often beat her with a golf club or try to drown her in the tub. Her mom even tried once to commit suicide along with her and might have succeeded had a passerby not stopped them from jumping.

Also, one of her high school boyfriends died in a traffic accident while they were dating. That would fuck anyone up. It's really understandable why she clings so much to me. But it just gets to be too much at times and I want my space.

But yep. She talks about suicide way too much, and has no money and nowhere to go if I kick her out. I keep telling myself that if she really wanted to be dead she probably would be by now, and that she has reportedly survived worse.

I guess I just still have too much nice guy left in me, and have already let this go on for far longer than I ever should have (4 years). Strange pussy is also looking really tempting.

[–]badgerninjacow 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Okay, that’s far more fucked up than my situation. At least my girl has a shitty minimum wage job and some friends to fall back on. You sound completely trapped by her dependency on you.

[–]tallwheel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might have actually made it sound worse by saying "she has no money and nowhere to go". She isn't unemployed. She works full-time and makes more than minimum wage. But she has zero savings and actually owes me a fair sum of money I've had to lend her so she could pay her fair share of our necessary expenditures like moving, etc. I would never fully financially support a woman.

What I meant is that she isn't on good terms with parents, so she can't go to either of them. She doesn't have any friends of her own who would let her stay with them either. And, again, she has no savings.

My best hope is convincing her to find a small apartment (I'd gladly make the down payment and call off all her debts to me!), but whenever we begin the conversation about going separate ways she very quickly just starts talking about wanting to die. She can never think calmly and just start looking for apartments, she starts talking about looking for the nearest building she can jump off of. She talks about wanting to "set me free", but to her for some reason that can only happen by her not being in this world anymore. (fuck me)

I've tried explaining how this isn't fair to me. The last thing I want to deal with is a dead girlfriend and having to wonder for the rest of my life what I could have done differently to save her. It's like she uses the threat of suicide so that I won't bring up breaking up. She can be a great GF in so many ways, but when it comes to discussing calmly emotional matters like this she just can't be rational.

And, even though she is great in many ways, this has got to be the main reason why I can never really love her. I can't trust her to be calm and rational. I can never know for sure whether she's going to be humming about how much she loves me tonight, or depressed and talking about how she needs to die. She can't get off of the emotional rollercoaster. (This is common to pretty much all women as far as I can tell, but to varying degrees.)

[–]1Original_Dankster 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is of most relevance to someone who wants to breakup with a girl they actually like for no reason other than wanting to be single. I was blown away at how common a problem this seems to be! She isn’t awful. She isn’t cheating. She is nice. She is everything you thought you wanted………you just don’t want her.

Holy fuck that's exactly where I was back in November last year.

I broke up with her. The only downside is, since we were both in our 40s, I felt a bit of guilt / pity that I was letting her go after she hit the wall. It's gonna be tough out there for her.

[–]bluesnsouls 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Dude, i just convinced myself about staying with my LTR like 2 months ago, why u do this to me?

[–]blindface 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What if she depends on you? What if you're her first? What about the guilt?

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Those things make it a bit harder on her but none of them are reasons to stay if you don't want to.

As for the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you are being honest. You can feel sad to see her sad, it would be weird not to. You have nothing to be guilty about though. The opposite. You've done the right hard thing.

[–]tallwheel 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Damn. Put me down as another one of the many men with this same problem. Really needed to read this now, and still don't know what to do. I know we need to breakup someday... I have almost always known for all 4 years we've been together... but she can be a bit clingy and crazy. I don't want her to go nuts after I show her the door, and plus... she's got no money and nowhere to go. Damn it is hard.

[–]daymi 0 points1 point  (1 child)

go nuts

If you mean that literally, make sure to have an escape plan. I should know. I should have had my buddies on backup in front of the building - but I didn't. Mistake. It could have looked really bad to outsiders, and scorned women are really vindictive O_o.

she's got no money and nowhere to go.

You are not her father. Supporting her in an one-sided way makes you feel really bad too.

[–]tallwheel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you mean that literally, make sure to have an escape plan.

She's only self-destructive. I'm worried about what she will do to herself.

You are not her father. Supporting her in an one-sided way makes you feel really bad too.

I worded it poorly. She has a full-time job, but lives paycheck to paycheck so has no money for moving or a downpayment. And I never pay for her shit, so that's another reason why she doesn't have extra money. :) She's also on bad terms with her family and doesn't have friends she can stay with.

Sorry. I realized later on that my wording made myself sound like a cuck. I would never financially support a bitch.

[–]ILikeToBurnMoney 11 points12 points  (6 children)

What if you are completely happy, you get to improve yourself (she even pushes you if you're being lazy), she makes your life easier but you just have a relentless craving for pussy? Would that be reason enough to end it for you?

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If I wanted to, then yeah. Like don't get me wrong. That sounds good. Hopefully I wouldn't want to. But if I did want to then I suppose I would.

[–]DwightWolftail 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Some times, you must take those decisions yourself. It's all about you. For me, as long as I don't get married, everything is fine. You will always want to fuck other girls. There's no end to this. It is all about YOUR situation.

[–]ILikeToBurnMoney 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yep, I am making that decision for myself alone (as everyone should). Just interested in what other people think about this.

For instance, I think the Clintons' model sounds interesting.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Sounds fuckin miserable to be honest. Dude is rapist, and his wife is a bitch hag.

Get yourself a co-pilot in life, someone who pushes you when you need to be ( should be rare ) someone who defends you when your not around and keeps her word.

Someone who after years still finds you hot and works hard to make your day, someone who doesn't fling themselves after other guys. Someone who buys you gifts and wakes you up with coffee in hand.

I'm all about doing what you want, a great partner makes life easier. But you gotta be, and stay a great man for this to work. With a loyal partner, a household is much easier to run, and goals often easier to achieve.

Yeah that generally means giving up fuckin strangers and novel experiences as such, but for me, I'm okay with that. If that's your priority, that's cool do you.

[–]mark2262 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this post. Thank you for clearly spelling out and spoon feeding information about every type of scenario that would happen post-breakup. I'm the type to ask lots of questions as I'm super analytical so this post made a LOT of sense to me.

[–]OfficerWade 3 points4 points  (1 child)

If you have kids I doubt it’s worth checking out other girls because you have already what every human being is biologically programmed for their whole life’s. Who would give that up for someone else’s pussy?

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally. Nothing I say applies to that situation. I would not think this way in a relationship where I had kids. I should have said that really.

[–]ElijahBurningWoods 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I ended my relationship about 3 months ago due to bad sex. I loved the girl, but the sexs was horrible. I have never felt better before and try to improve myself every day. Still sometimes I have these oneitis problems with this girl, but they are fading away. Nice post!

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Someone saw fit to gold this. Thanks! First time.

[–]jeffologist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wish I could have read this about 1.5 years ago.. I was stuck waist deep in some toxic shit. It's weird because you know deep down that you're unhappy but some fucking stupid part of you (the part that likes routine, comfortable things, etc..) convinces you that you are happy and things are all good.

Eventually, you realize, hey this fuckin' actually blows, I am gonna try to bounce. You get the courage to dump her and you feel like a thousand bucks. Life's great! Friday rolls around and you're having a good time drinking with all your buds. Someone breaks out a blunt and then you get crossfaded as fuck. 15 minutes later, you're sitting there filled with regret and texting her to try to salvage the pile of trash that your relationship is. She's not stoked to have been dumped for the 86th time but puts up with your bullshit because her self worth is lower than low. You feel like you're doing the right thing by patching things up but what do you know, make up sex doesn't fix shit.

Eventually, you dump that bitch for the last time. You fight through all the temporary feelings of regret and your life gets back on track. I wish I had gotten my shit together earlier but I am happy where I am at in life, and I have learned many valuable lessons to keep myself on the straight and narrow

[–]tenin2010br 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I’ll echo the others and say this was good to read. I had this happen to me a few months ago completely out of nowhere and this was her primary reason for the breakup: she just didn’t want a relationship anymore. I think I bored her, idk. But what’s done is done.

Probably the worst part has been my lacking amount of male friends I only noticed post-breakup. I like doing shit on my own (traveling, lifting, going to the beach, etc) but there are always times where I wish I was hanging out with like-minded single dudes. Anyone have any recommendations where to seek out things like that?

[–]1FranticlyFrank 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lol. Just posted a reply super similar to this. Ended a 4Y LTR a month ago, and have the same desire for awesome like-minded single dudes. Maybe you and me should have a beer.

[–]tenin2010br 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Visit south Florida and I’ll get ya a round!

[–]DocEw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had to do the deed back in Fall after Uni into a LDR. Other TRP posts had similar points and played out exactly as OP described.

You're going to miss the relationship, not as much the person.

[–]1FranticlyFrank 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel I'm doing all points pretty all right, as I've been holding TRP very close when going through the break-up, but now am anxiously searching for single male friends to party with (been reaching out to old friends a lot, and have been doing a lot of social activities).

You are so right, couple friends just don't have the same party/socialize/let's-have-fun appeal.

Any tips on how to end up with more awesome male friends that are single?

[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Please add a TL;DR either at the top or at the bottom of your post.

[–]AtlasCarrier 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just broke off a similar situation after returning from a week away. Excellent girl, will make someone happy, but I have started a company, and am focused on bringing my baby to life. It wasn't going to be fair to her if I didn't have any time for her, and I just didn't really feel like I missed her while I was away. She came to pick me up at the airport, and I just wasn't happy to see her, and that's when I knew. It's hard to do, but I'm already 3 days into it, and I don't really feel like I shouldn't have done it, because I know that we will both be better off.

Especially if you are in your early to mid 20s and she is too, and you're unsure, break it off, because she is going to be wanting marriage and kids withing a few short years, and then you are going to be locked in for life.

[–]the_mountains1985 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think it depends what you want. If you want kids and have a good set up....no need to throw it away to go have fun and improve. All that can be done whilst in a relationship. It's all about keeping it in perspective.

But if you dont want kids then your are free to do whatever.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly. The first line. What you want. If you are honest about that and act accordingly you can't go wrong.

[–]DirtJellyBeanz 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I literally just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 Year and 7 months. It's really sad because I think about all the good times we had, but when I really think about why we are in this position now is because of her insecurities and actions. Not that I'm perfect, but she seemed to be very persistent and I eventually just called it quits. I cried like a little bitch because it's going to take some getting used to.

[–]red-arctic-tern 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are free. And alone. Being alone is beautiful. Btw. Travel. Check out Asia.

[–]covertpenguin3390 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fuck, i was here a year ago. With a beautiful unicorn. First girlfriend ever that truly treated me like i deserved and looked the part to boot. For months i felt like this and thankfully i had my older brother who is super RP call me out and say for the good of the girl i had to end it. Your advise is spot on, stick to the script. She’s going to beg and bargain and it’s what it must feel to have one of your own children to beg for mercy but by the end of the convo you feel like a weight has been lifted. Sometimes it’s just the right girl, wrong time. My career has flourished since (not that she held me back, but I’ve been zeroed in like never before), got to do wild single traveling and when Work is stressful i don’t have another commitment waiting for me when i get home (figuratively). I also got to have a year in my late 20s single where I’m actually at a phase in my life where i took down a bunch of whores and can actually appreciate what a future good LTR is. Totally worth the plunge if you’re having these thoughts and you’re young.

[–]theycallmenubs 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Check out the book too good to leave, too bad to stay if you want to decide to be with or leave a partner. I ultimately decided to marry her (I know I know, this was way before I came across trp) but we have been happily married nearly 7 years together 11

[–]Peshwa_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just read your previous post, it's pretty fuckin good.

[–]Sfbasedthrowaway18 1 points1 points [recovered]

This post came at an amazing time, I just left my perfectly fine relationship last week.

To add to OP:

  1. Take this time to develop a disciplined routine to develop each aspect of your life: mind, body, spirit, social, financial, etc.

  2. I start with spirit as it’s the one constant through it all. Meditate, prioritize your happiness, learn to be ok alone. Discover the things you like to do and get comfortable doing them alone, it’ll make it much more fulfilling when you invite friends. For me, spirit precedes all other aspects because it’s the root of your consciousness, the origin of you. And if there’s a knot close to that beginning, the rest gets tangled. Read game, read philosophy, read red pill, internalize it, then let go of it. This shit isn’t an act you perform, it’s a way of being. Be more authentic, genuine, don’t be afraid to display your emotions when appropriate (especially sexiness). If you’re a total aspie like I was, watch dating videos on YouTube (rsdmax is my personal fave).

  3. Body: workout, run, go hiking in nature. Fitness will help you with women but it’ll also help with everything else. Exercise is good for the mind, body, spirit. Just do it.

  4. Social: speaks for itself. Hit up your single friends. Go do one of those activities we talked about earlier but invite someone to come. Warning: even if they say no, go anyways. They’ll get fomo and see you as a warrior spirit type who’s doing shit. Try bowling, movies, billiards, nature hikes, beach, parks, put put, bicycling, pub crawls, get creative with this. Make it a goal to try every activity in your city or fuck every cow in your small town. Whichever applies to you. Just do not, DO NOT socially isolate yourself. Yes talking to strangers is hard, yes if you’re a socially uncallibrated mouthbreathing bridge troll you will be awkward. Get through the rough parts and you’ll figure it out. Develop the habit of learning through action.

  5. I’m not qualified to give financial advice but quit eating out you fat piece of shit. Once a week is fine though, just don’t eat out daily.

  6. what’s the common thread here? It’s You. Love yourself. Trust me, I know how hard that can be but you’ll also have to trust me when I say it’s the only thing you’ll ever do that really matters for the rest of your life.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nicely said. Really good. Thanks for that.

[–]JensenMse 2 points3 points  (2 children)

One hell of a post that came at the perfect time for me.

I asked out my LTR in order to break up with her tomorrow (didn't hint to her about the breakup.) I've been planning this for a while now coz I honestly feel unhappy in the relationship. I've also been planning on what I'm going to be doing with all my free time I'm going to have soon. In order to keep my head level, I wrote down a short list for myself...my plans on how exactly I'm going to breakup with her, and what I'm going to be doing for myself in the aftermath of the breakup. To tell the truth, the thought of having my time back for myself feels exciting but the thought of breaking off a girl I've been personal with for quite a while brings a lump to my throat.

Having this list just made it easier for me, I'm gonna go through it a number of times with the list I've written aside. Hopefully the breakup won't be as bitter as people think breakups should be.

[–]red-arctic-tern 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How did it go? Did she start crying and begging? Did you stay hard as rock?

[–]JensenMse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She actually tried to twist all the fault back to me, then gave me an ultimatum of two weeks to go "fix my issues". I refused to take her olive branch and ended it.

[–]Mrkzmn7pnt62 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so true. Thanks OP. Just had this happen to me. Except she ended up breaking it off b/c she knew how I was feeling, not really wanting to be with her. I guess that does make me beta for not doing it myself. It hurts & it sucks but deep down we both know it's for the better..

[–]meateatercat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only reason a man regrets leaving is if he finds it difficult to get pussy otherwise.

[–]Alchemist_XP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I broke up with an awesome European girl who I met online. We ended up meeting in real life, we were together for about 3 years. She was super traditional, she wanted to work 25-30 hours a week but be a good woman to her man at home, that type of thing. But me being a young dumbass not knowing what I had, pissed it all away breaking up with her and pretty much destroying her as she couldn’t understand why. I just knew staying with her wouldn’t be fair to her, she was nice, cared for me a lot. But it’s just, I was everything to her. Like fucking everything, and yo, I’m your typical red pill conservative boarder line mgtow type guy. There’s no way I would have been able to give back what she was willing to put in. The plan was I was going to try and move to Europe for good... I had sorta postponed it, as I came back to my country for financial reasons. She got tired of waiting and literally decided she was going to drop everything in her life and come live with me. This is where I ended things. She was great, but, it would have taken her a long time to see what a mistake it would have been. I feel bad about it, but I’m glad I didn’t pretend everything was fine and let everything fall apart! Honestly I don’t regret breaking up with her today! Sure she could have been a great teammate/girlfriend/wife whatever it may be, but I think this was for the best!

TL;DR : Broke up with a great girl, crushed her, but to this day I think it was for the best in the long run. If you’re not sure, dipset boys. Don’t waste her time.

[–]HerefortheTuna -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was lucky to find TRP right before my breakup. Things went south in late September and official break up in early december after back and forth. I was able to get a few hate fucks from my EX-GF.

January and February I was going on several new tinder dates a week and going out with the boys. Also started getting way more serious about the gym.

My ex showed up at my apartment the other week and we talked. I can tell shes not happy and she was surprised to see how happy I am. But I'm enjoying being single and spinning plates. She is a bit mental and has an entitled, bitchy attitude. She also lives at home and got fired from her job as a teacher ( didn't even know that was possible tbh). Probably could have fucked her that day, but I wasn't feeling it.

I'm sure shes been pumped and dumped a few times which just makes her appeal even lower to me.

What's annoying is that there are girls in my social circle (my friends first) for years who still invite her to parties and stuff

[–]King-Cro 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Really nice post, but can someone explain to me Like im 5(literally) what is “Frame” and Frame control? I somewhat find IT Like controling your enviroment, but that its not enough for me brazde i still somehow dont understand IT Like i think i should. There is definitely more! Thx

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't mean this in a dismissive way as people round here often do but....... Have you read all the stuff on the sidebar? If not you pretty much have to. Make a day of it. Few hours. Coffee shop. Get through it.

[–]Compeliminator 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What about if she dumps you 1st which is far more likely?

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This a thread about breaking up with a girl when you initiate it. So it won't contain answers to things that aren't that.

But some of the post break up stuff could perhaps be twisted to fit.

[–]tallwheel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trust me it really isn't with some women. If she likes you more than you like her... man it's tough to get out. Oftentimes your cold nature and clear willingness to end it (even just body language/demeanor) will just make her want to stay with you more. Some relationships are really hard for men to get out of.

[–]ChaffyYen 1 points1 points [recovered]

Just ended a 4.5 relationship a few days ago. Having a tough go as of late but I've convinced myself this nagging desire to have one more kick at the single life was a necessity before I was ready to be tied down. I do want to get married but I just wasn't there yet. And like yours, nothing was wrong the relationship, the girl was amazing. She's even been extremely level-headed and civil throughout the breakup even though she said she was ready to commit to us. It's making this that much harder and I'm having serious regret thoughts lately. How long did you wait before you started meeting women again? I'm approaching 29 so a lot of my friends are getting married, need to find some single friends.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I waited like a day. Just got started right away. Same age roughly as well.

[–]Blaze_Bless 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You really have helped many men in this situation with your very astute observations and analysis, thank you, you're a good man, and you're right it's a very common situation it seems the more I read. There is some comfort in the solidarity here and knowing most of us have been through similar shit.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you taking the time.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

This is a good post. My problem is there is a child involved. He is not my son but I have been a father to him for over half his life. He looks up to me as a father and I can never imagine bailing on the kid. It's a predicament that I have not been able to shake for about a year now. Focusing on my own personal growth has helped a ton but there is still that itch to just get away from it and be free from this.

[–]RedKingRising 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's your own fault for playing daddy. You learned a valuable lesson. I don't even meet their children unless it's serious, which it never is. Stop meeting their children.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was over a year in the relationship until I met the child. I’m not that much of an idiot. But still, you’re right, it’s a tough lesson and now I gotta roll with what comes next as hard as it may be for the little guy

[–]suxxos -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What if it's a girl that breaks up a perfect relationship that you've been putting all you can into? Wouldn't you come crying on TRP boards and bitching about women? Oh, I forgot, certain things are OK only if it's a dude doing them.

Anyway, if I were you, I would try to open relationship, or even cheat, just make sure she doesn't find out. It's all easy enough.

[–]throwawaydegar[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd be sad.

No I wouldn't, I don't do that.

I'd then be fine. No other choice.

I'd get on with stuff I wanted to do.

Cheating is horrible advice.

Good contribution.

[–]TheRedPillRipper -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

No. 11. The Final Fuck: Make sure you even if you haven't been(seriously guys it's not that hard to be a Straight A Pipe Layer; I think SexGod Method is the go-to around here) to knock that ass outta the park. Hit it like you're Tyson on fight night.

Serves two purposes; you're going to alpha widow The Bish; and more importantly you're leaving on the highest of highs. I've always found The Final Fuck a pretty darn good way to leave on your terms(plus having a few plate themselves post break-up is handy when re-entering The SMP).