Hey guys. Towards the end of last year I wrote a post here called Bullet Points. It seemed to be pretty well received and if you filter by top posts it is within scrolling distance (I am proud of that if you are wondering.) Read it maybe if you are interested in reading this, just for context and the discussions in the comments were quite good from memory.
I attempted to do a follow up last month but it read like shit and frankly I don’t think I had anything to say, I was just writing something down to write something and it felt that way. So, I deleted it. It was shit. You missed nothing.
In the original post I popped down my thoughts on dating post breakup and what I was doing that seemed to work. A lot of people had questions pre-break up though and I always said I would try and write about that but then I just never did. So fuck it, give it a go now I suppose?
This is of most relevance to someone who wants to breakup with a girl they actually like for no reason other than wanting to be single. I was blown away at how common a problem this seems to be! She isn’t awful. She isn’t cheating. She is nice. She is everything you thought you wanted………you just don’t want her.
This carries the same caveat as the first post. I do not know. This is just what I did and what I thought about. It might read as egocentric ranting due to the fact I will say “I” a lot. But that is all I have. I am no expert and I am not qualified to help you in anyway, that being said, knowing that other people had the same thoughts would have helped me when doing this shit.
How do you know you should end it? If you are here reading this hoping it contains any answers then you might already know. If you read the posts here and think you would really like to be out in the world doing this stuff and having your own field report worthy exploits then that is reason enough. That is why I ended it. My relationship was good but I felt I had lots of self improvement stuff I wanted to do and fun I wanted to have and for some reason I just didn’t think I was able to do that in a relationship. There are only so many hours in the day and I wanted to focus on work, get into lifting, learn a language, travel more, have a lot of sex with strangers and I just didn’t see how that was possible being in a good relationship as that also takes time as well. So I ended it and pursued these things. That is all the reason you need. That sounds selfish and not enough but really, wanting to end it is all you need. You do not have to put evidence before a committee and have anyone approve it. You are free to end a relationship just because you want to try not being in it.
What if you regret it? You won’t. You just won’t. It’s a natural fear to have but you can only make the call at the time based on how you feel and what you know at the time. I will say this, make sure you have a plan. Have stuff you want to do instead of being in the relationship. That will make it easier to not even think you might regret it. Focus on the new stuff and enjoy your new life and all the extra time.
Worried about not being good with women? So, you want to leave and fuck a lot but what if you find it hard and girls don’t want you? Again, I don’t think you will find this. You are here so you know that being yourself and just be nice doesn’t cut it. You are already ahead of the dating field. The two most important things I’ve found are be as attractive as you can be (lift, dress right, hygiene etc) and make sure you understand frame. Really. Internalise your understanding of frame. See it in everything. Know it like you know how to smell or hear. I can’t explain that but thankfully people way smarter and more articulate than me already have in the sidebar. Please please grasp this concept. You will find dating easy if you do. It’s almost like cheating it makes such a difference. Also, do the shit in the first post. Or whatever your variations on it are. Have a plan.
Practical things. Living together? Someone has to move. It’s a hassle. Its shit. But it ends and eventually you will be living somewhere else. Everything ends. Getting a tooth pulled is shit but you are not in that chair forever. It ends. Sooner you start the sooner it ends, just get on with it. This is not a reason to stay. Once you live on your own with all the things you want to do and a whole bunch of plates spinning you won’t think about the annoying 4 week transition. It’s a price worth paying. It’s a cheap price for what you get.
Practical things. Shared friends? You are going to lose some of them. It happens. You will keep some and so will she. Just be as decent a human as you can and be cool with everyone. You won’t miss them once you get started on all the stuff that you feel you can’t do just now.
Will it be horrible when I find out she is fucking someone else? I mean, if you want it to be. But really it makes no difference. Of course she is out banging dudes. As she should. Good for her. She’s had thoughts about some guys the whole time you have been together just like you have with some girls. She should go for it! She likely will quickly. Unfollow on social media (better yet, don’t have it but that’s a whole other debate I don’t want).
The conversation. Set a time in your head and stick to it. Don’t bitch out of it. You will be anxious as fuck and want to. This makes it worse. Stick to it. Leading up to it you will feel horrible and nervous. The second you start you will begin feeling gradually better. This is strange as your feeling gradually better will coincide with her feeling gradually more awful. That is a strange place to be in but again, it ends. That tooth will be out soon. Be blunt but not cold. Be nice. Care. But care about you more. Set out real clear that it’s over. There is no negotiation or debate. There is nothing to argue. “I am telling you something as opposed to asking you something and I am sorry that it is obviously horrible news for you but I won’t justify it anymore than I have. I am leaving this relationship because I don’t want to be in it anymore.” Sounds fucking horrible right but trust me, it’s a good script to stick to. You might need to say it a few times. Tell your friends in advance. Have somewhere lined up to go. A friend to meet for beer in two hours. You shouldn’t be in that conversation longer than 2 hours.
Immediate Aftermath. As little contact as possible. Be caring. Be compassionate. But also suggest that she would be better talking to her friends as it’s not for you to fix.
General aftermath. You are going to want male friends. Single male friends. You will have a lot of fun with these guys. If you have a list of things to achieve, you are being as attractive as you can and have an understanding of frame you will have a great time with these guys and you will feel like you have done more improvement in 2 months than the previous x years. If you don’t have single male friends, you will end up with some. An acquaintance and you will likely become closer due to your new status. Your couples friends won’t hold the same appeal. It’s ok. It’s normal.
I got to 9 and feel I should have 10 but I am not sure I do. Eh…….don’t worry about it! It likely feels really fucking stressful to you and like it’s going to a be a huge deal EVERYONE will care about but honestly most people won’t give a fuck. I dreaded telling people as I thought it would lead to big chats and they would make me second guess myself, 99% of the people I told said, “Ah really? You ok? Yeah. Good. So what is happening for Friday we thinking 8pm or you want later?” They did not give a fuck. It isn’t THAT important and we are all dying anyway so who cares?
There we go. I wrote it down. It may only appeal to someone in the exact scenario. But if one person likes it and it helps then fuck it, worth writing it I suppose. I would’ve liked someone to have said these things to me when I was stressing out thinking I was an awful person for wanting to end a good relationship and feeling that way for like 5 months. Skip it. Just get on with it.
As always, happy to chat in comments provided it’s fun, I don’t feel any desire to argue points or defend them as this was just what I did and thought. There is no right or wrong really.
Many blessings to you all.
EDIT1: This is NOT a post for if you are married, have kids or are in some family unit. Never done any of those things so I wouldn't dare to comment on how you remove yourself from that situation or if you even should.
TLDR: Breaking up with a girl for no reason is fine. Wanting to do it is all the reason you need.