Field ReportHow NOT to Day Game (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by i_amtheice

Let me make some other beginners feel better about themselves.

Fast background: almost 32, swallowed pill last fall, started lifting/exercising five days a week, eating better, limited porn usage, gradually learning how to dress. I've read the sidebars and the suggested reading material (NMMNG, Rational Male, Models, Pook, Bang, My Secret Garden, Pimp). I have two jobs, know my mission, cultivate healthy male friendships and maintain hobbies.

I have my shit together in every aspect of my life except women. I have no plates, no prospects for plates. My game is nonexistent and talking to strangers, especially ones I want to fuck, makes me freeze up and sends my hamster into overdrive. I haven't had any sex that wasn't paid for in some way for the past three years. I didn't lose my virginity until 22. While I've managed to keep my libido from starving one way or another, I've only had one serious relationship in my whole life and it lasted less than 3 years. Even with my square life intact, I am a loser when it comes to sex by anyone's determination.

Last Saturday I went to a writing convention. Becoming an author is a huge part of my mission. I bought a ticket and spent an extra 60 bucks on two 10 minute pitch opportunities with agents.

The convention quickly revealed itself as a bunch of low to mid level industry professionals hustling a bunch of wannabes. Whatever, fine. Not surprising. That's what most industry conventions are. I attended several classes and stayed the whole day and learned a few new things.

But, to my great surprise, there were more attractive women there than I’d ever imagined. I saw at least four or five bangable girls within the first ten minutes of being there-- all 7's and above.

I did not talk to one of them. Not one. Not even an attempted opener. Nothing.

I had one of those days where I saw many opportunities to open and approach, but only in the seconds after they'd passed. Again and again, these moments piled up over the 8 hours I was there. It was infuriating.

I don't have any game to speak of, but I didn't even try. I was scared-- scared they'd loudly reject me, scared I'd get AMOG'd, scared I'd be forced to leave and waste the money I'd spent on the ticket, scared I'd turn myself into "that guy".

Both my pitches went badly, and the second one went absolutely terribly. It was with a young, married HB 7, noticeably sexy in a nerdy sort of way. She worked for one of the more alpha male agents. I completely bombed with her. I could see it in her eyes as I walked up-- her contempt for me was palpable before I'd even opened my mouth. So not only was I forced to starkly confront what a rank amateur I am when it comes to the business, I was forced to examine my failure on a male/female level as well.

I ate lunch by myself. Like fucking high school. I did not meet anyone new. I was in a bad mood almost from the first seminar, cursing myself for not having the balls to get up and go talk to one of these girls. I told myself repeatedly, "Rejection is better than regret." It didn't help.

I felt absolutely horrible on the way home. We’d had an ice storm the previous night and it was freezing and it felt like all the color was sucked out of everything. I was the most depressed I’ve been since I swallowed the pill. It only lasted for that evening with some residual blues into the next morning, but it was bad.

I'm posting this because I am insanely jealous of the success posts here. I always have been. They enrage me. A lot of them are just attention-seeking am-I-alpha-yet? bullshit but the genuine ones are out there and it's agonizing.

So I figured I'd share something that would help someone in my position feel less alone, or someone just above me feel better about their position. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: I went to a writing convention with lots of cute girls but did not approach once. It depressed me beyond belief and I will never forget it. Rejection is always better than regret.

Edit: grammar

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 128 points129 points  (5 children)

You're still using bitches as a measure of your worth as a man. This is why you seize up. Because in your mind, bombing an approach makes your worth go down. So you'd rather be squarely at zero than risk going into the negative.

Don't talk to bitches with any expectation other than having an interesting conversation. And don't just talk to bitches you want to bang. Talk to uggo bitches. Talk to little old ladies. Talk to dudes. Practice your socialization skills with strangers. Eventually, you'll feel comfortable treating women you're attracted to the same as everyone else.

Walk before you run.

[–]crowscountingspades 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Talk! With everyone.

[–]sirbassist83 0 points1 point  (2 children)

i read this all the time, and i understand it, but have yet to internalize it. most people disgust me. how do i change that?

[–]BornShook 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Stop giving a fuck what other people do with their lives. There is no specific answer to your problem. Focus on yourself and be social.

[–]Goljuf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When im not doing anything fun or not working on something i got bored. So i think to myself how can i make this moment more enjoyable.

Whenever waiting in a line or waiting for class to start there is palently of people to interact with.

Be open-minded and genuinely interested. There are some really cool people and crazy stories.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten 364 points365 points  (16 children)

This is a classic example of what is termed a "victim puke". You're barfing out self loathing without a discernible purpose or lesson learned. Let me help:

  • Hating yourself is not self improvement

  • Recognizing that you are a loser is step zero, not step one

  • Acknowledging failure without attempting to learn from it is as useless as coming here to cry about it

So, if you want to fill this giant emotional black hole and stop repulsing sexual prospects, figure out these things:

  • What are you good at, and how can you maximize it?

  • What do you not like about yourself, and how can you break the cycle of obsessing about it?

  • Understand what your actual mission in life is RIGHT NOW (I.e. What's the next thing you must accomplish, not "do it immediately")

With less self loathing you'll free up head space. With more head space you can reflect. With reflection you can create a plan. With a plan your actions will be congruent with your mission. Congratulations, you'll be much less of a loser at this point. Good luck

[–]i_amtheice[S] 58 points59 points  (13 children)

I was worried about this coming off as "victim puke". So be it.

That said, I'd disagree that I haven't learned anything. I now have a concrete example of "rejection is better than regret". The next time I hesitate to open a girl, I'll remember this, even if I still puss out.

And the intended purpose is to show that frustration at this point in the process is normal. At no point did I mention giving up. I didn't blame anyone else for my bad mood. It was my fault and my fault alone, and that's what makes it so frustrating. I'm just trying to face reality so I can make changes. First step to fixing a problem is admitting/understanding it.

The thing is, I can answer all those questions you listed and I'm still struggling. I want to make sure I'm not missing something. It's an odd thing-- they say start gaming right away but at the same time wait until you're attractive enough that women open you. I'm struggling to find the balance in that.

I know exercising one's social muscle is the only way to remedy the problem, but sometimes a man needs to vent. And The Red Pill is mostly a support group. So thanks for the support everyone.

[–]toasty99 42 points43 points  (1 child)

It sounds like you have regular work, you get some exercise, and you are working on your writing. A little social anxiety with women doesn’t make you a loser, dude. This weekend, walk around a mall and ask every 7+ lady you see what time it is. “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?” Seriously they won’t bite you, they’ll just answer. Make eye contact, say thank you, and walk away. There - you just “opened” a whole bunch of chicks...it’s not nearly as hard as it feels. Now you just need a better opener than asking the time for the next writing class.

[–]beginner_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Now you just need a better opener than asking the time for the next writing class.


"hi, I'm xxx" usually works well enough for such a setting.Especially with women as they get anxious in silence and will just do most of the talking.

[–]COCAINE_ADVOCATE 34 points35 points  (3 children)

until you're attractive enough that women open you.

Like you said, it's like exercising a muscle. Just start small. If you start out by asking out hot waitresses you're just going to end up back in your cringe-cave every night.

Remove the sexual intent completely. Go to a coffee shop and when the cute counter girl isn't busy just ask about their muffins or something benign. Ask her what's her favorite. Basic stuff until you get used to the idea that asking her out is simply the logical conclusion to being comfortable talking to a female, not a giant leap you have to make.

It's like when Chad gets rejected. He doesn't stew over it or have to rationalize. He was just having a good time and when he brushes it off, he's still having a good time.

[–]TehRedBirdCall 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Man, I need to save this advice for later.

[–]Nocryingok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be careful with this approach. This helps the complete noobs, but at a certain point you HAVE to make things sexual. I had a friend who struggled with this. He would be able to dance naked in front of people, but afraid of holding a girl's hand

[–]1empatheticapathetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You wouldn’t ask a girl out after having zero sexual tension though?

[–]TheRedPillRipper 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Man that Approach Anxiety got me cringing. I feel for you man. Since you're a writer(aspiring) why not take a writing class? Something you can do over a semester, become familiar with others and start overcoming your approach anxiety that way. Or you could do the total opposite; go rock climbing, play social soccer or train in a dojo? Just suggesting you put yourself in positions where you can improve your social skills. Also Improv. Humour is the best connector.

they say start gaming right away but at the same time wait until you're attractive enough that women open you.

Always be gaming. I have two kids and a partner and she hates; but accepts; that I'm flirtatious by nature. There is always a woman much further down the totem pole of The SMP looking up at you.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Note I did not state you learned nothing, simply that the post didn't include it. Field reports and examples should have analysis attached to allow us to better discuss it and for you to reflect after for any new insight

[–]greenlittleman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mm, no, it wasn't your fault. In fact cold approach is usually about being rejected 100 times to get laid with 3-7 girls (even if you have great looks, decent social skills and don't make major mistakes). There is no one who can get results above 20 lays/100 approaches (which is fantastic seduction-god level statistic). So don't think what you'll ever become so good what you wouldn't get rejected at all. Unless you'll fuck only women who open you themselves - and their quality is always lower and quantity is super scarce - most women never approach to guys, even if they found them attractive. And they usually do it only in social situations like in clubs or bars. There are women who are suitable to easy fuck (for current you), there are women who are suitable for good LTR (for current you), but most women just useless for you personally, they are just not suitable for reasons which lies in themselves, not in you. Two girls of similar looks can have completely different reactions to your approach - this doesn't depends on you almost to the level of luck. What depends on you is your statistics - that is all. The better you are in life and in game - the greater amount of girls who are "suitable".

[–]Tre_Walker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your "Inner Game" needs work. You just took me back years to my PUA studies. David DeAngelo was the guy who taught me the difference between "Inner Game" and "Outer game". Inner Game (psycholgical) must be in place for any outer game to work. He has an entire course and seminars on this stuff, which I am sure is still around and he breaks this stuff down.
Deep Inner Game was one I remember. Start here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3c_leu9QEo Google it and there is plenty out there.

Thanks brother for giving me the flashback as my journey has been long and sometimes I need to go back myself and brush up on things I learned before.

[–]JLHumor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can using something like phenibut to relax you. Once you figure out how to talk to women you can start using it less and less. Just read a lot about it first.

[–]kavakavaroo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have social anxiety?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This so much.
I have fucked up badly in past, and now from time to time I get in these ''victim pukin'' patterns where I just eviscerate myself and then genuinely feel like I accomplished something by being ''brutal'' with myself.. I didn't. but If you're in that state of mind, it's extremely tempting pattern of thought.

What ultimately helped me get over it, is that I realized that it's nothing more than a mental masturbation, me wanking over how ''special'' and victimized I'm am. And as it accomplished nothing ( and as my life's goal is to serve people) it is ultimately a selfish act, an act where I put my own ego ahead of other people I can serve.
And as for me there is nothing worse than that, that forces me to stop this foolishness.

[–]AlexDD2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree on everything except that he can't learn from failure and that coming here to express himself is useless. Your comment proves the contrary.

Step zero would be ignoring women totally like MGTOW which is a way to temporarily avoid the pain but sooner or later they will regret if they have enough testosterone.

Moreover he is reflecting on his errors and digesting the pain and the stress of not approaching women. It is a learning experience. He's experiencing the consequences of a lack of courage and increasing his tolerance to stress which is important to approach women. Because they can tell right away if you're too stressed. Like a good sword needs to be immersed in fire to strengthen, a man needs to experience pain and anxiety to learn to deal with it and build confidence in spite of still feeling it, because you'll most certainly always feel a bit with a smart HB10.

I think he needs to continue to reflect AND take action immediately.

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points  (3 children)

If you go through life without taking risks, you'll never have any rewards. Sometimes you just have to dive in without thinking, and realizing after the fact that you're still there, unscathed. If you think you'll lose, you'll lose. If you move and think like a victim, you most certainly will become a victim.

Let this be a message for all the new Red Pillers, if you don't seize the moment, it'll slip by and the whole world will spin without you. It can be scary, I know, but if you don't do anything with your life nothing good will come out of it and you'll be left as an unfulfilled empty husk of a man at the end of your road. Losing feels bad momentarily, but it'll be nothing compared to the overwhelming regret you'll feel later, just know that.

[–]OChero 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Godamn does this hit me where it hurts. I feel the same as OP and your comment really speaks to me.

[–]SnowVilli 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yin and yang boys.. it might be a terrifying thing to miss all of those opportunities but the flip side is that you take them and you feel like the King of the world.

[–]Endorsed ContributorThotwrecker 36 points37 points  (1 child)

You just need social experience. Think of it like lifting. Your social muscles are weak as fuck because you've never pushed them to grow. So you suck ass with women, just admit it, I suck dick with women.

I suck at socializing with women. I can't even go talk to them at a convention where they are literally there to talk to me. Be honest with yourself (as you are doing in this post). Audit your skills.

Then every day if you actually grind on this, the same day everyday you lift, you will improve. Talk to 3 girls a day and push at least 1 conversation into flirty / sexual territory every day. Without fail, everyday, do it.

You'll be good at this in a year.

[–]tranquil_af 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're definitely an endorsed contributor.

[–]buttgoogler 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Transfer your rage into motivation and you'll be good, trust me. I've been there.

[–]Shaney96 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Keep fucking going man. One baby step at a time. After reading The Book Of Pook, I thought it'd be all so easy and fun, since that's how it is reading that book.

What I found is that you'll get so fucking angry at yourself, so anxious and self-berating, that you'll end up just having to do something that gets you out of your comfort zone, and you'll suddenly feel a little bit of pressure lifted.

The thing is to actually take baby steps with women. Maybe it's holding eye-contact with one girl until she looks away. And that could be your goal for the end of the weekend. Next it could be to address a cashier by her first name: "have a good day Maria" or something of the sort.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to be stopping HB9s on the street and saying "excuse me, I just had to stop you as I thought you looked really cute", as that shit takes practise, and the guys who can do that have gone through plenty to achieve such confidence/game.

[–]meowsero 2 points3 points  (2 children)

"excuse me, I just had to stop you as I thought you looked really cute"

Does that kind of direct game even works? Lots of people have found indirect works better.

What's your experience?

[–]Shaney96 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My first approach was direct, and I've not done one since. I believe you need to exert a lot of confidence for the girl to be receptive to such an approach. The intention is clear, but if you're not totally comfortable with your sexuality/testosterone/being a man, then that'll be sub-communicated and she'll think you're a little autistic.

That's fine, as long as you can accept it. A couple of weeks ago I went on an instant-date for commenting on this girl's drawing then just teasing her about it for 5-10 minutes. I didn't feel all that uncomfortable, and got better results than had I said "hey, you're cute.. I'm Shaney96" or whatever.

Not to say direct approach is useless for beginners (such as myself), since it really gets you out of your comfort zone and helps you internalize that rejection is better than regret. I just prefer the less daunting, gradual-exposure type where I don't have to scare myself shitless, and can just go about my day and if an opportunity arises, then I'm more prepared to take it when using indirect approach.

[–]ViperG 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You are taking rejection to heart. Aka letting a women that says no to you create emotional turmoil or affect you.

When I'm trying to pick up chics from a bar or whatever it is, my go to ratio is 10 to 1.

10 women will reject me and 1 will say yes. Is it always this ratio ? fucking no way. Do i get laid every night I go out... fucking no way. Do I take home the 1st girl I approached that night? Happens once in a while you get lucky.

It takes guts to approach a women and even more guts to take rejection and keep going. What I do? I laugh when i get rejected. not a nervous laugh, or a loud laugh, i legit think its funny every time I make an approach and get shot down. Do I care? no. Is approaching exhilarating and fun? hell yeah it is. Do I care about the outcome anymore? no not really. Getting laid is fun and I can make it happen. Just gotta say hi to X chics per day.... no problem. there's a billion of em. You're going to be buried or cremated in 50-80 years maybe sooner. nobody around you gives a fuck and if they do, they'll be dead soon too. So have at it have fun, fuck as much as you want (safe) and then go die one day and hundreds of years later people will be fucking and dying all day and night long it doesn't fucking matter. Life is short, welcome those rejections while you still can get em before you're dead.

[–]PsychedelicDentist 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I think meditation would be massively beneficial to yourself

[–]mheyk -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You spelled medication wrong

[–]PsychedelicDentist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I literally meant meditation dude

I know most blue-pillers like myself used to be totally baffled by it. The first time I tried I couldn't sit for more than a few seconds without a thought occurring, and about 5mins before I got too restless to stay. I rationalised stopping it by telling myself it was a waste of time, I "could have more fun doing something else" or "these important things needs to be done now"

When I tried to meditate properly, after coming back to it, I saw how much my mind was suffering to something I could let go off

Meditation can be an incredible way to reduce his anxiety and improve his frame. Mastering the mind - that is truly alpha.

[–]Cantloginhere 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The only thing wrong with you is you have social anxiety, your post screams it. On the plus side it sounds like that's the only thing left you need to take care of.

So focus on that, read some ways to get that in check, there are plenty, NLP, meditation, baby steps etc. Do some reading write out a plan, commit.

Give yourself 2 or 3 months to nail it. You can't change who you've been most of your life because some guy said just 'dgaf'. Takes time and effort to reprogram your brain.

[–]swimminginblue 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Just keep working at it man, put yourself out there, it gets better. Good luck

[–]frooschnate 13 points14 points  (0 children)

6 months of clarity at 32 and ready to be a master.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

you have the most important thing in your corner: the ability to look at yourself honestly. and even there you may be too hard on yourself.

But if you have that ability then you have the ability to adapt and grow and inevitably win.

A lot of people who claim to be TRP only have the cojones to share their successes and bang-em-up stories. You are transcending them with visceral testimony. Keep keepin it real.

[–]miller211 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Just what you said, bro, a true ability to be honest with yourself is priceless...

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are failing because you can’t stay confident and interesting when approaching an HB4, so obviously you can’t approach HB7’s - especially since their SMV probably crushes yours.
Learn to talk to ALL women without trying to get numbers or close them.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (3 children)

There's a lot of kicking yourself in the head in your post man.

You went to a writing convention. I would imagine it's filled with interesting people. Yet you eyefuck random women you likely overestimate, eat lunch alone like the high school loser you used to be, and fail at the shit you actually forked over extra money for (probably a mistake in its own right, but fuck it)

How about next time...And I know this is a radical thought...Next time you go to a social situation you try to have some fun? Talk to people. Get to know them. Interact. Share lunch. Fuck man, this entire post screams desperation and lack of abundance. That does not come from somebody who swallowed the pill.

Chill the fuck out. Have fun. And until you're Alpha Jedi Master level who can fuck strangers from a distance, get to know people. Just a thought, but it might rewarding in its own right.


[–]alphamystic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Be kind to yourself, positive thoughts. But keep grinding

[–]DarthRoacho 3 points4 points  (0 children)

fail at the shit you actually forked over extra money for (probably a mistake in its own right, but fuck it)

I don't think it was a mistake. It was the one thing he did from this whole post that was worth it. It was experience, that if thought about, can change the way he does something. IF he uses the failure as a learning experience and not just a "im a fucking loser who can't do anything right".

[–]physicalbitcoin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's good you wrote up your negative experiences. It takes a kind of strength to talk about bad times publicly.

You could join a meetup.com group for writers, or some local FB groups. FB groups helped my social life a lot.

Now you've got that off your chest, I would go on AskTRP and ask them to help you strategize. I'd lift even harder and start playing an instrument, maybe bass.

If you're thinking about women too much they will sense it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was scared-- scared they'd loudly reject me

Rejection is always better than regret, always.

Nice article about rejection and regret

Another I learned: "The answer is always NO if you don't ask."

Remember these two phrases, then just start talking to the girls.

edit:added link

[–]AEGONS_ASS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was scared

Everyone is, including the guys who have great game.

The difference between you and guys who get laid is dead simple: they make the decision to push through, and eat shit if they have to.

I've been in your position, and it is painful. Your fear of approaching will leave you dead and lonely. No one on earth can do it for you, but yourself. Have some integrity and push through - and make the decision to take action next time.

[–]Alchemist_XP 2 points3 points  (1 child)

What you need to do, is go out to a bar one night, and don’t even try and pick up. Tell yourself, alright let’s see if I can get every single girl in this bar to reject me. Then go in and say whatever the fuck you want to the ugliest girl you can find. Go up to her and literally say “blah blah blah what up”... if you want! Let her do her rejection thing and then move to the next one! Get pumped about that rejection! It’s what you want right now. Take that rejection and make it your ducking armour, make it the tool that will never get you down, it can never hurt you! After this night, specifically trying to get rejected, you will go home with the sense of accomplishment merely because you approached girls. Not only that, you will see how ridiculous it is to get worked up over female rejection. Honestly even if a girl rejects you, you likely made her happy as fuck because you approached her. She will actually still put you up higher because you’re at least one of the ones with a set of balls big enough to approach her! Anyways, from one newb to another, dive head first into that wall of rejection... it’s the only way you will plow through it.

[–]jimmysax99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good one. Even if you get rejected by every single one of them, a few of them, maybe even a lot of them, will still chat you up and be nice.

Just talk to people, including men. Find a reason to chat up everyone. You will likely get noticed being very social, which will increase your value and make you more interesting. By the time you get around to everyone, you might have been noticed by some chick that wants to know more about you. Just try it, talk to everyone, including other guys/men.

Have no expectations other than just being friendly. Think about it... if some butt ugly woman comes up and chats with you for a few minutes, you won't immediately cut her off most likely. You will talk with her and be semi friendly, even if you don't like her look or her personality. Most women will talk to you friendly like if you aren't too creepy or too obviously hitting on them. Just be friendly and open and watch how far it will get you.

[–]yumyumgivemesome 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you are at all like me, then I recommend following the seduction and pua subreddits/forums. Find strategies in there that don't make you cringe, that feel natural for you to pull off. And then commit. Those forums get terrible reputations, but what they do is give you a game plan to execute when opportunities arise. That means there is one less thing you have to think about and, consequently, one less opportunity to talk yourself out of doing it. They truly helped me get out of my shell. I'm still awkward as fuck (need way more practice/experience/self-improvement/etc10), but so very grateful for how far I've come.

Specifically, a decade ago I found some kind of 30-day plan to practice becoming increasingly outgoing with almost zero emphasis on gaming women. It was 90% about engaging with fellow humans on a more natural level. Look for those types of things.

Try not to fret about the stories in here by comparing yourself to those potentially fictional guys. Sounds like your biggest competition is yourself. I have no doubt you can already be better than that guy before the end of tonight. And better again by the end of tomorrow. Focus on that.

[–]bilabrin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a bad approach mindset. Have a mindset of giving and lack of expectation. Have fun and when you get rejected remember your successes and reset your mood.

[–]zaferhimself 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take cold showers man, it helps with approach anxiety, that is what you have.

I believe that you see the worth of yourself because you have a mission. This worth can't be damaged by some bitch blowing you off because it was built as a result of huge fuck-ups and much effort.

[–]S-Blaze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Plus all the advices that you're given here, pretty sure it would help tremendously to stop porn altogether. I tell you that from experience.

[–]Gozsayin2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Approaching is by far the worst. I've always hated having to approach and I still do. No matter how much I say rejection is better than regret I still hate it. That said you have to suck it up man, it's the only way. I've found that after the initial approach everything becomes alot easier and woman are either for or against u at this point.

[–]1Sir_Distic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  • Step 1: Talk to every woman you pass by. Just say "hello" or "hi" or"I like your hair" "How are you?" ANYTHING. Supermarket, on the street, walking to your car, at work, whatever.
  • Step 2: Start talking to everyone. Males, females. Simple things but personal to them. "I like that necklace" "Nice purse" etc. You can say it and keep walking.

One lady was a mid-30's black woman wearing an emerald green shirt. The color looked really good on her skin tone. So I told her "I like that shirt. The color looks really good on you." and kept walking in the supermarket pushing my cart. She stopped and thanked me with the biggest smile. She watched me pass while smiling.

Doing this in the supermarket the first time boosted my mood that when I was at lunch I asked the waitress for her number. She shot me down. I felt no sting of rejection, My mood was sky high.

Get more comfortable approaching anyone and everyone. Then you can work on hitting on them.

This helped me a ton. Try it.

[–]red_matrix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(Serious) Do you still watch porn? Do you masterbate a lot? How often do you lift weights? What is your diet like?

Something is mentally holding you back: sounds like you don't respect yourself. The more you do this, the more other people will notice and act accordingly.

[–]Hellsteelz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're way too harsh on yourself mate. The negativity you have in your head and when approaching needs to be eliminated asap.

I reckon that is holding you back the most and working on that will give you some success with women and sex.

[–]grewapair 2 points3 points  (2 children)

57 years old and I've day gamed my whole life. I'm a natural at it. I'm also ugly as shit.

It works. The women know you want to fuck them, but it's fun to get attention. But a word of warning.

There are always women looking to use guys. The older you get, the more women are looking to use men. They'd rather have Chad, not you, but while they're waiting for Chad, you, and primarily your wallet, will do.

The uglier you are, the more desperate the users know you are, so you'll be an easier mark. That's ok, you're just practicing with them, but be careful when it seems to work better than you imagined. A 7 knows she can do better than a 3. And she isn't going to keep making excuses to her friends about your great personality. She will however, make excuses for the black eyes chad gives her.

So practice, practice. Say anything funny. Seriously anything. Some woman will be bored enough to let you, and will actually enjoy it. Don't worry about how ugly you are, they're all bored and many of them will be happy to talk to you. Mostly, to figure out how to use you, but just get the practice, that's all that matters.

[–]DeeLad29 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know the feeling man. Early stages of TRP seem to be the hardest. The feeling of emptiness, disappointment and the lingering regret after passing up a perfect opportunity to approach.

[–]3d_truth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Look how useless all that reading has served you. It has amounted to mental masturbation. You know what will make yourself feel better? Approach some girls. Make it easy on yourself. Get drunk and go a place where there will be easily approachable drunk girls. Like the smoking area of a gig or something.

[–]RaughKee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stop trying to open women sexually, you just aren't there yet. The lack of ability to do that gets in your head and you feel like a complete failure and it ruins the rest of your day/event/week ...

How about making it a goal to just strike up 3 random conversations a day, with anyone. Practice that a bit until you can actually talk to people and be social. Once you've got that, then consider making one of those conversations flirting with a woman, don't be outcome orientated you're just there to practice talking and flirting.

Once you can actually flirt, then start to worry about the outcome, next steps, escalation, etc...

[–]kellykebab 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I think you should have just focused on your career advancement and proper networking during this event. If your game is weak to begin with, a professional conference is not the ideal venue to start practicing pick up anyway. You mostly gave yourself a bad time by letting your sexual desperation interfere with your job. Try to separate the two realms in the future and you'll be less likely to flail when meeting with an attractive industry peer.

[–]OneAngrySir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't talk to women with the intent to fuck. Talk to them with the understanding you're DTF so she probably is to... You're already behind in the game of getting laid off that is your sole purpose. Talk to them for any progressive reason other then sex and by the end of the conversation you will have openers to getting some alone time. Don't feed her confidence and she will jump your bones.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t overthink it. Follow the 5 second rule, if you see an attractive lady then immediately approach. I use the same lame opening line of “Hey pretty lady, I lost my puppy, would you help me look for him?” It’s playful and clear, the dumb ones will start asking about the dog and the smarter ones with interest will smile. The bitchy ones will just say no. Have a script and practice it until it is second nature. Don’t overthink it and don’t try to reinvent the wheel. It’s a numbers game.

[–]fartt123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have found that being comfortable standing alone to be the solution. I am a very social person; I open very easily but my middle and ending needs work. What I found out was I am as most people are very uncomfortable standing alone when everyone is talking; so I engage in useless conversations out desperation of being seen alone. Now what I do as I said earlier is I in the middle of the crowd stand alone and try to relax. Hardest thing to do in this world. But after couple of time you start to relax. Now if I engage it's not out of need. Face your worst posible fear and you will have no boundaries.

[–]J412h 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here’s a way to practice talking to women that you find attractive; go to the grocery store and find the hottest woman there and tell her that she looks very nice today. That’s it. No asking for number (yet) the purpose is to see the reaction that that comment elicits. Most women will eat that shit up. After several weeks of that, you’ll be much more comfortable just talking to women, getting a positive response and the knowledge that you just made her day. The next step is obvious, start a conversation and then eventually move on to asking for numbers.

[–]Casanova-Quinn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told myself repeatedly, "Rejection is better than regret." It didn't help.

It's a good (and true) phrase when thinking about the big picture, but it's not a great motivator when you're out in the field. I think it's because there's the implication that you WILL get rejected. It's not a helpful mindset when you're trying to man up and approach.

I find it better to tell yourself something like "Just talk to her and see what happens". It's open ended, there's no assumption of outcome. Treat it like a fun experiment.

[–]alexander_the_groovy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Forget about getting laid for a while. My advice would be to start a hobby where you're surrounded by women so you condition your brain. I highly recommend any form of social dancing. With dancing you a) Learn a cool skill b) Meet lots of women and c) be close to them (touching, holding hands etc.). Pick a style that fits your personality and music you love. As for getting down on yourself, meditation and mindfulness help me break these negative thought loops. The problem is you identify with your thoughts so much. You think they are you. But they're not. Realize that you are literally addicted to thinking. It's your ego's way of surviving. With meditation you practice the skill of observing thoughts and not getting caught up in them.

[–]Spamallthethings 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you go to the convention to advance your authoring goals or pick up women? It seems like you went in there with one mission, tried to split your focus, and as a result completely bombed.

Focus on one thing if you can't multitask. Have a plan and stick to the damn plan.

[–]PGKTA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you for posting this, my last experience like this was a few weeks ago. I can relate to the feeling of knowing what you think you should and want to be doing. You end up not doing anything but being in your head the whole time and watch your self get into a deeper and deeper mood.

But since you're new and somewhat socially inept at this point these are the things you have to experience to get to where you want go. The fact that you know what you are doing is the start of your brain rewiring itself just remember that as you gather more experiences.

[–]Solic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it seems you need guy friends you can lean back to when you go to new places. Encouragement and being able to share embarrassment if rejected with a friend or friends takes huge load of stress pressure. Hardest part? making that close friend as an adult imo.

[–]hotlinedubai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]fischbrot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi bro

word of advice: the moment you go to that convention FOR YOU ignoring the pussy, (easier said than done) ....

nuff said

pretty sure other men here can explain more elaborately what I mean.

[–]parfiant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Simple cure... talk to girls that aren't intimidating to get the ball rolling. Or even talk to the guys there, to open up your mood. Going in to any place and immediately putting yourself in the most uncomfortable position and over thinking it is extremely self damaging. Your punishing yourself for not being able to run before you can walk. If you are not good with woman, it's time to get off your high horse and work on the basics with less intimidating women. Unattractive women don't motivate you to feel an urge to talk to them, but they are not intimidating for that very reason. Time to work on the basics...

[–]DoubleOsiete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Consider beta blockers if your apprehension is that high when talking to women.

I use them for court dates where I have to fight with my ex over my child. I do not need them to speak to women as I am overly confident but they prevent the stress responses just the same.

I went to my doctor and asked for them after hearing Joe Rogan talk about them with his guests. They work like magic.

I use to have my palms sweat and my blood pressure skyrocket, where I could feel my pulse in my eyes. My eyes would be bloodshot, my gut would be turning like I wanted to puke, and ohhh the anger.

With Beta-blockers I am calm, cool and collected. I still get fucked every time I go to court even though I am a model citizen and a great Father but every single mom in the court looks at me like they want to ride my dick like a pogo stick.

Don't use them long term. Lift, get a nice haircut, and dress well. I'm sure out of the billions of women on the planet a couple million would sleep with you if you can stay out of your own way. Good luck.

[–]notonlyplace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have this idolized version of yourself, rather than being yourself

I have two jobs, know my mission, cultivate healthy male friendships and maintain hobbies. I have my shit together in every aspect of my life except women.

Going to a convention and scoring isn't easy, and it may never be easy for you, because is that what you truly want , as someone who is married let me tell you egging women isn't a dream come true, you seem to have prioritized other things besides fucking , I suggest online dating, girls there want to get hit on and find a man, women are convention that they are paying money for aren't necessarily trolling for dick , they got tinder for that

[–]IAmSoFuckingREADY 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to eliminate the reasons why you were scared. Go to a bar/cafe where you wont ever come again so you arent worried about your image. You need not invest practically any money in it. You have no problem leaving anytime.

This kinda stuff.

I feel ya 100% btw, had the exact thing only ~half a year ago and a similar approach. I think youre gonna skyrocket when you get the basics. Also theres a lot of awesome advice here that would have helped me.

[–]redpilledcuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fast background: almost 32, swallowed pill last fall, started lifting/exercising five days a week, eating better, limited porn usage, gradually learning how to dress. I've read the sidebars and the suggested reading material (NMMNG, Rational Male, Models, Pook, Bang, My Secret Garden, Pimp). I have two jobs, know my mission, cultivate healthy male friendships and maintain hobbies.

You managed to do all that in 6 months? Holy fuck.

[–]Elecktrozan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had this problem all my life (23yr), and it's the only thing holding me back. I'm still trying to build my confidence so this stuff stops happening. You are not the only one with this problem. Good luck.

[–]NYCMusicMarathon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a loser when it comes to sex by anyone's determination.

Only yours Bub.

So not only was I forced to starkly confront what a rank amateur I am when it comes to the business, I was forced to examine my failure on a male/female level as well.

Stop this self derision.

Rejection is always better than regret


I wish I knew you personally, I 'll bet there is one or two small things that need correction that is going to get your on a path / journey / quest you want.

[–]Lambdal7 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You gotta crawl before you can walk. Today you crawled, next time you'll already be limping.

[–]comcain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Realize that an agent talks to a zillion wannabe authors and is beyond burned out on them. What you interpreted as contempt for you wasn't personal, on a sexual level, it was "oh good seven more hours of this..." Hope this helps. Also, writers write. That's the only way to get better at writing. Good luck...

[–]broscientologist -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Are you seriously beating yourself up because a married woman wouldn’t flirt with you?

[–]untonyto -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All this self-flagellation is harmful. Be the prize and act like it.

[–]RedPilledRoaster -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re a little bitch. RTFS.