Building PowerReminder: Never discuss your feelings (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by 1CCJ22

This morning, my brother contacts me and begins to tell me about his weekend. Specifically tells me about his gf & how amazing she is. Detailing how she asked him what was wrong and how she listened to him for over an hour rant and even gave him advice.

I took pause to this because I recall how I had done a similar thing in my twenties with not one relationship. But 3 in total. Never have a girl be your emotional tampon. Do you need advice? Call a level headed man for advice. Need to cry? Do so alone or, again, with a level headed man (be it your pastor, father, best friend, etc...) Don't contact a girl. Don't contact your mother, your sister, your best friend that is a girl, etc... Seek the advice and comfort from a man. Don't contact the guy that's gonna tell you you're being gay or the guy that will say fuck bitches and get money.

Seek sound advice and sound comfort from a male. Call your Uncle that you haven't talked to in 3 years if needed.

Did your dog die? Things at work are terrible? Maybe your mother passed away? Use that excuse as time AWAY from your plate(s) as "you're busy". If you have an S.O. Tell her you need time to be alone because xyz(fill in blank) occured. The less details the better. Time apart allows her heart to grow founder anyways.

Always make sure that your girl or plate(s) sees & ALSO HEARS you as confident, in frame, & able to accept everything life throws at him. This gives you the appearance to her, that you are very powerful emotionally.

TLDR: Do not ever allow your frame / emotional wall down and "vent" to a woman. They are NEVER to be your emotional tampon.

[–]Hailteni NaHalitenina[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (7 children)

As a 33yr old male I have had my share of failures with women.

As the older brother, to my 21 yr old brother, I have much to advise.

Don't qualify your post based on who you are, if it isn't immediately relevant to your message. Let the content stand on its own.

Otherwise this is good advice, and I am going to award you a +1 -- next time you won't have to qualify yourself, as I have done that for you.

[–]DreamForAnswers 162 points163 points  (37 children)

For what it's worth, I can also confirm that this is true. There's a girl I was dating few years ago, and it was going well, until one day we had a date after a completely shitty day and I sortof sought comfort in hed by opening up. She got bored in minutes, it was weird, and in the end it was the only time she didn't say she wants to see me again as soon as possible.

[–]Paladin2903 222 points223 points  (11 children)

Women were only made to have sexual pleasure, to produce your offspring (if you so choose), and serve as arm candy.

If any male expects anything else, they’re delusional. If you have issues, you had better find someone else to talk to them about.

In general, women are shitty humans. They know this. That’s why even they can’t fucking stand each other.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

god damn, how right you are. I never realized it but every girl I have ever dated never had a girl friend for more than 6 months-ish. After that time she would be talking shit about her "best friend"

[–]harsha_hs 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is unbelievably true. Never discuss issues with women. Use them for sex, having your kid and may be to cook you a nice dinner

[–]good_guy_submitter 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And our ancestors, gave them the right to vote. And since then government fist-up-your-ass and corruption has increased exponentially.

How many women fought and died in 1776? How many came up with original ideas of freedom? How many died for those ideas? How many women insisted they be first to get on a lifeboat on the Titanic? How many women sign up for selective service?

I love women, but they do not think ahead.*

In the case of OP. Women want sex with winners. When you complain about your problems, you don't sound like a winner, and they no longer want sex with you.

*Granted, a pregnant woman tends to do a 180 degree flip when it comes to planning. But even then some still don't plan anything.

[–]lorum_ipsum_dolor 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She got bored in minutes,

Remember gentlemen, weakness is boring. There's nothing a woman dislikes more than being bored.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I know them feels man. Happened to me too.

[–]willowhawk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I remember once I'd kinda of lost interest in a girl so stopped thinking about my actions and let my mouth run on a issue about girls/relationship in general.

Still she liked me enough and I'd had perfect frame or whatever prior that things carried on as normal until the next meeting when I did a similar thing and that's was it. The entire thing was over on her terms.

Ironically two weeks before I withdrew affection and she was the one messaging me to be free.

Ah well, mistakes are a gift because they give you a chance to learn, which i have.

[–]Cavascii 5 points6 points  (18 children)

Forgive me if I say something that is considered stupid in this community, I'm new here. To me it seems as though this girl is just a real bitch though? In other comments people said that women are biologically programmed to just want sex and your babies, do you really believe that? My girlfriend specifically asks me to open up to her, because I usually don't talk about my feelings to anyone and I try to just suck it up.

[–]Huffnagle 41 points42 points  (6 children)

You’re making a fundamental error. You assume that, like a man, she’s behaving rationally when she asks you to open up. If you open up and she finds you weak, she will be less attracted to you, period. It may not manifest in her leaving immediately, but it will reduce her attraction.

[–]Cavascii 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Hmmm, sounds plausible. Thank you.

[–]Mr-Kabuki 5 points6 points  (1 child)

She may be asking you to open since you keep things to yourself and it make you appear kinda mysterious. Once you let the cat out of the bag, the mystery is gone.

[–]QuasarBather 11 points12 points  (2 children)

This. Women are inherently destructive due to their lack of self awareness. She probably sincerely believes that if you open up and express your emotions more that it’ll strengthen your relationship. Meanwhile it’ll actually just lead her to perceive you as weak and dry her pussy up like the Sahara.

Masculine stoicism is what women are attracted to, yet they try to find cracks in it at every turn.

[–]Cavascii 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This one is going to stick with me for a while. Not just because you tought me a new and extremely interesting word, namely stoicism, but also because I definitely believe that most women are attracted to this. Thank you

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check out Art of Living by Epictetus. Great introduction to stoic thought and practice.

[–]willowhawk 41 points42 points  (4 children)

A cat really wants a laser pointer when it's shone around a room. If the cat ever caught the dot of light it would immediately get bored.

Yes she really wants you to open up, but opening up ends the game.

[–]FratboyOnReddit 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What a fucking analogy. Thank you.

[–]Paladin2903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup. Just like Gatsby and the green light. The green light represented Daisy...the girl he lined for. He didn’t really want Daisy, however.

Hell, he barely knew her. She was merely something his very insecure ego needed to obtain, in order to prove his “manliness.”

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 11 points12 points  (2 children)

To me it seems as though this girl is just a real bitch though

This is how women absolve responsibility for their collective actions: "not ALL women are like that!".

Sadly however they ARE all like that.

My girlfriend specifically asks me to open up to her, because I usually don't talk about my feelings to anyone and I try to just suck it up

Oh you poor naive fool. She ASKS you to open up because she wants to exploit your vulnerability. She might even enjoy the closeness, and if she's cunning she might even pretend it's attractive. "It takes a strong man to cry".

It always kills attraction. You'll learn.

[–]Cavascii 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It is extremely hard for me to believe that any woman is like this. I truly believe my girlfriend cares about how I feel, no doubt. That doesn't mean that I don't believe it makes a man less attractive, you guys are definitely convincing me of the idea. So I don't think she would try to exploit me in any way. I do believe that it makes me less attractive. Thank you very much for the heads up.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So I don't think she would try to exploit me in any way

most men believe this about women. most men marry on this basis. they find out the truth eventually.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Just read the amount of examples of men getting poo poo-ed on by "nice sweet girls, that just wanted them to open up". Please learn from my mistakes and the rest of us. You still have time to salvage what damage you may have done by expressing your feelings verbally.

[–]Cavascii 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Interesting. What about long-term relationships though? Should you never talk about feelings with the woman you are married to?

[–]1CCJ22[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Correct. If you have "feelings" talk to them with a male elder or a male friend that has a good head on his shoulders. Don't bring that stuff to your wife. She's not equipped to handle it nor should it ever be her job to deal with your feelings. Her job is to feel secure by you or feel insecure by you and seek someone else that will provide security.

You want to convey something to her do so with your actions. Not with your words. Words are meaningless. They literally mean less than nothing. For example, I love you. I love Cavascii. I have loved you since you wrote your comment. Those lines mean nothing unless I show you I love you.Men need to realize that we have got to stop seeking our mothers in our partners.

[–]1AuspexAO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recently started dating a woman who I call (not to her face) my coal mine canary. Everytime I start talking too much about my shit her face gets immediately bored. She has absolutely no tact and I fucking love it. If I see that bored face come up I know I need to get physical (sexually, I’m not beating her) or toss some light dread for fun. Yes, she’s super boring to talk to, but as a plate she’s actually amazing because she keeps me honest.

[–]strikethrough123 348 points349 points  (26 children)

Your mother is the only woman that will see you at your weakest and still love you unconditionally, which is why I think you're able to trust your mother with your emotions.

[–]NormalAndy 58 points59 points  (6 children)

I hate to say it but 'mothers', especially single ones, are the reason there are so many true blue betas.

As the OP says, what you need is 'fathers'.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

This. Mothers will love unconditionally. But a man should always seek the advice and comfort from a fellow man. Especially an elder (someone older, with experience) because then and only then can he achieve true advice built and molded for him.

A woman cannot give the best advice for she has never been a man before.

[–]QuasarBather 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It’s all about the balance between masculinity and femininity. To say children only need fathers is to disregard nature, in the same way that these “I don’t need no man” single mothers are disregarding nature.

Forgive me for being anecdotal, but I’ve known plenty of men raised without mothers that have all sorts of issues because of it. We need two parent households.

[–]NormalAndy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with you- It is all about the balance between male and female.

We are in the process of realising that the balance is skewed towards women in a big way (rather than men holding the lion's share and needing taken down). Hence the need for more 'fathering'. Men are important to a family and that's much more than just a penis in the house. Men have to reclaim their maleness and bring it to their family.

[–]RedKingRising 26 points27 points  (0 children)

My mama don't wanna cheat that shit. You will get told quickly to be a man and deal with it

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 11 points12 points  (1 child)

To some degree yes, although as you grow into a man, I’ve recently realized the necessity of gaming your own mother. Obviously not sexually, but so that she doesn’t start subconsciously treating you as a lesser male after you’ve shown vulnerability.

[–]SKRedPill 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Nah, even they have their limits. Once you get older, you'll just be told how her dad dealt with far worse shit and how they're growing old too. Yes, they will still love you and all, but paternal love and sexual love are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

[–]FwoGiZ 8 points9 points  (1 child)

She'd still give you shit bp advice...

[–]NikolaGeorgiev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mothers love their boys as long as they percieve them as boys. When you "become a man" in her eyes, the love is gone. That's it.

Also, love =/= good advice. She will give you BP advice 99.99% of the time.

[–]salinorum 1 points1 points [recovered]

The only woman I dump my emotions on is my mother. I did so last night in the sauna and immediately after I stated my problems, she had to get out. I generally don't like to be emotionally vulnerable so I rarely ever show my emotions. Interestingly, seems like my mother didn't even want to hear it. So yeah, very verifiable. Woman want strong men who are mentally and physically fit. I mean it makes sense but it's fucking annoying that they want you to show more emotion, yet when you do is perceived as a lack of strength

[–]shertlerd 1 points1 points [recovered]

So what you're saying is you live at mommy's house and have her cook tendies for you like a female dependent faggot? LMAO!!!! It's time to put your big boy pants on and move out of your mom's basement, manlet.

[–]-Mavs 143 points144 points  (3 children)

I always thought that the strong silent type was the pinnacle of what it means to be a man; resolve your own problems.

[–]1cappadocianhawk 101 points102 points  (2 children)

I know a man who went through two surgeries and his wife had no idea. She found out when the hospital called their home when they couldn't reach his mobile for an appointment schedule issue.

[–]NoMoreMrNiceGuy95 410 points411 points  (45 children)

Never open up in front of a woman. They have no sympathy. That's just how nature has made them, it's not their fault. The moment they see you as weak you are a ghost. Don't look for any compassion from them, because hypergamy truly doesn't care about your problems. It'll start looking for something "better" in a heartbeat.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 259 points260 points  (34 children)

They have no sympathy.

Totally disagree. Women have way more empathy than men. That's actually a feature of agreeableness (which they have in spades, on average) and a reason why they're the first to vote progressive to help the less fortunate and open their arms to refugees.

The real problem is that women are utterly turned off by a weak man.

They will feel the need to help you, they will ask you to rest your weary head on their shoulder, they will be deeply moved by your despair and sincerely wish to help you... and then will not see you in a sexual way ever again, and will find themselves strangely "falling out of love" with you.

[–]FrankCostanza111 1 points1 points [recovered]

Coming off of TRT, my estrogen went through the roof and I broke down sobbing in front of my girl one day. She was taken aback, but took it in stride. She looked up TRT withdrawal and showed me how common and normal it was for this to happen. All seemed ok.

But a few weeks later, she started very suspiciously dropping the name of a guy at the gym. “Someone said they liked my new bangs at the gym today”. “who said that?” “...josh” etc etc

Long story short, she never cheated as far as I know. We broke up recently due to other reasons and within a few months, “Josh” and here are a couple.

It could be unrelated, but I find the timing of my emotional meltdown and her taking more interest in this guy to be non-coincidental.

My advice: If you feel like you’re going to have a hard emotional moment, excuse yourself or ask her to leave. Add mystery by not telling her exactly why, except that you want to be alone. She’ll wonder if it’s because of her and the hamster will spin.

All of which is 10x better than letting her see you crumble into a weeping mess. Learn from my mistake.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 34 points35 points  (1 child)

I am upvoting you because more people need to see this.

Also, I have made this mistake myself, so I am glad people like you and I are able to learn from them thanks to TRP.

[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 7 points8 points  (0 children)

except that you want to be alone

Don't say alone. Say anything else. You can just say you are going to do some things you haven't done in a while, hang out with some old friends, some college or high school buddies, get back to a few hobbies... or whatever.

The fact that you need to explain that you need to be alone, kinda highlights a possible problem that you have no "me time" for your self already in your routines. Or that you have no privacy for yourself and the things you want to do without your girl.

Men need a life of their own, without it always being about the girl, or with the girl. If you had such a life, you would not need to ask for permission to be alone when needed...

[–]hot_rats_ 18 points19 points  (8 children)

Sympathy is not empathy though. Otherwise you're both right.

[–]SweatyAdvance 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Not only are sympathy and empathy different things, but women categorically cannot empathize with the male experience. Sure, she might able to sympathize with your pain or struggle or whatever. But empathy she cannot give you.

[–]SKRedPill 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The concept of man and a man in person are two totally different things.

[–]WhirlingDeath 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Vote progressive...sure... Because they want to feel like a good person. But actually opening their arms to refugees? No

[–]Butt_Man_69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s a lot of bullshit coming from women in politics now. Most of them grew up Reaganites I’m sure and just want women to be 1%er CEOs too.

[–]p3n1x 2 points3 points  (10 children)

You guys are fucking this up.

Women have ZERO Empathy. They have Truckloads of Sympathy, this is why they can have emotions for irrelevant shit.

Empathy is the same thing as "wearing another person's shoes". Woman have no fucking clue on how to do this. They are not wired to understand another person's perspective. You can give analogies and tell stories, be logical, whatever. But you can also see their 1000 yard stare why listening to you. The only thing they can even remotely get from the explanation is a "common ground understanding of the Emotion".

Acceptance men, they simply do not have the hardware for it.

Here is a test: Explain to a woman what it is like getting hit in the balls. Tell me how many Empathy Fucks they have to give? Laugh while giving the explanation, they will find it humorous. Be "Sad" while giving the explanation and they will find a way to "feel bad".

[–]Aesthetik_1 156 points157 points  (4 children)

This. The compassionate girl that can lift one back up and shows her feminine empathy that you see in movies or hear about is entirely made up Holywood material. It doesn't truly exist in the real world and that image of females is created by... some man.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Fucking nailed it here. Agreed.

[–]blacklightsleaze 5 points6 points  (1 child)

More empathy only means that they can sense emotions better than man which have nothing to do with how much sympathy they have... so yeah when you fail and she sees you down you better go find new girl.

[–]13thPlayer 1 points1 points [recovered]

They have no sympathy

Just realized that's why you always see a man as the emotional tampon; a woman would never put up for it.

[–]TurboPiss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love how you italicized "man" though.

[–]yumyumms1 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It's a shame, female members of my own FAMILY ghosted me for this. Women are phony and worthless in this regard. My own sister and mother FTW

[–]blacklightsleaze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's why I don't agree with highest voted comment in this post. Even my own mother fucked me up when I failed and felt bad. Yea she gave me food and roof, but with a price... daily berating at how bad I am at life and pushing me down even more. And when I asked why she is doing this, she told me "ah I though I am motivating you" Wtf !?

[–]Paladin2903 90 points91 points  (1 child)

Solid advice. Women will only sympathize on the surface. Meaning, their sympathy is totally fake. At a deep-down level, they see any sort of weakness a male shows (no matter how valid) as pathetic. They couldn’t care less, but they will sure pretend.

[–][deleted] 138 points139 points  (13 children)

Truer words were never spoken. There was a female trainer at my gym that we had some playful sexual tension going on. She was giving resistance because she was dating some guy who lived 90 minutes away and I had pumped and dumped a girl at the gym that she knew. It was going to happen right up until she saw me bawling after I put my dog down. My 12-year-old boxer was rapidly declining so I had her put down. I was in the room with her and held her as she went. I was distraught and as I am leaving she is in the lobby of the vet's office with her new purse dog. I tried to walk through but we made direct eye contact she chased me outside. I broke down explaining it. She hugged on me and really enjoyed there to help. Texted the day after ”checking on me”. I pushed to escalate things and hang out that night but the sexual tension was gone and her pussy got dry real quick after seeing weakness.

[–]Dls95405 81 points82 points  (0 children)

We break our own hearts so our pets don't have to suffer. It's the hardest thing in the world.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I am sorry to hear about your dog. I've been there and no words I can type will comfort that loss.

But this is a good example of how women are.

[–]pridebrah 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Sorry about your dog homie. Ive been there just like that too. Awful awful feeling

[–]pineapple_wizard24 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Go through some old pics of your dog when you're alone. You'll start to tear up but they will be happy tears. I went through the same thing with my boxer. Had cancer 3 times and after the last time the quality of life just wasn't there. I was petting her while the doctor put her down. Waterfall streaming down my eyes man.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yeah, she had bone cancer in both front legs and the sites near her ankles were swollen up to the size of baseballs. She was showing visible signs of pain when she walked and the Doc said the bone will eventually snap in two and then it's a really ugly and painful way to go out.

[–]pineapple_wizard24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man sorry to hear that. Hope you find solace through difficult times. Rage on brother

[–]The_Noble_Lie 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Maybe it was because you tried to fuck her right after she consoled you. Probably should have waited longer than a day after the incident in which sje saw you fall.

She may have never looked past it, but the day after is a tough sell, as if you are fucking the sadness away, and perhaps using her for her body (seemed that way)

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I probably was unclear. She started texting to check in immediately, I didn't try to escalate for a solid week to 10 days. In hindsight, I probably would have been better off trying to get her to come over that night to console me. The time delay didn't help.

[–]beardeddream 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I was on vacation for Mardi Gras (former Nola resident) and my dog got out when left with my plate’s brother. I never cried and she always pestered me about it.

For every night for about three weeks after I used to have a bourbon on the patio and bawl looking at photos. Wipe the tears off, go to bed.

You have to do it in your own.

She only felt bad b/c she was “mean” to it. Aka guilt. Women can’t feel like we do.

[–]JosephBosa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn bro, sometimes nature or the universe can cock block you. The chances of a potential plate seeing something like that happening and crossing your paths at that specific time is like .000000001%.

[–]anabolic92 73 points74 points  (2 children)

Nothing new but a good-short written reminder.

This should also reinforce the concept of having a close male figure in your life as you said (let it be father, best friend, teacher...)

[–]JJ3314 60 points61 points  (1 child)

This underscores the importance of retaining—and expanding—male social spaces, devoid of women. Men have to be able to talk about those issues that are of concern to them—from trivial to important—in a way that women cannot interfere with. Otherwise men are prone to censoring themselves, or flirting with women when there are potentially more important issues to discuss.

It also underscores the need to have healthy father figures and friends in your life. While TRP prides itself on giving a straightforward, no nonsense approach to giving advice, I see forums like this sometimes devolving into metaphorical dick size comparing contests, or men shitting on each other for no reason. Apart from being counterproductive it is also problematic because who the hell else are you going to rely on to talk about solutions to male problems if not other men? In an era of men being raised by far too many single moms there is a need for a bit more empathy, even while not deviating from an emphasis on attempting to discern and articulate the truth.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Literally everything you said... Yes. Perfectly said.

[–]2Dmva100 103 points104 points  (13 children)

Yes never discuss your feelings even though your teachers and your mommy said it was okay.

The day a beta boy listen to his mommy's concerns and tells her what's bothering him, he becomes a cuck forever-more as he will then yearn for other women to comfort him in this same manner but it will never happen but he can't help to think that 'Wow! I wish all women were like my mommy because if I had a harem of them that make me chicken noodle soup when I was sick and told me they loved me I would be a Real man.'


[–]zippy9002 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure about the forever part... I used to make that mistake, never again.

[–]markinsinz7 32 points33 points  (6 children)

Holy shit that mommy thing hit right home. It's weird tho cause my mum tries to subconsciously get me to complain to her about stupid shitt that I don't need to. I tell her I don't wanna talk for some months to become emotionally detached/stable but you know, mums man You only get one can't really do much about it

[–]Tre_Walker 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Remember: Moms send their sons off to die in defense of women, for honor, for country in war, many moms do it very casually to defend a random woman's honor. AWALT...I know I know we all love our moms and perhaps some sons can open up emotionally to Mom, at least they should be able to. She will still love you but think you are weak.

Reality is Moms are women (AWALT) and they are biologically designed to nurture you and yet sacrifice YOU if need be. You are disposable even to Mom. This doesn't mean Mom doesn't love her son but she is only capable of loving to a degree, not the same degree men are capable of. A man WILL lay down his life for a woman but a woman will not lay down her life for a man. This is the natural order.

[–]Greg4581 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Dude, women can be savages if they feel their kid is in danger so I'm not sure what you're getting at here. Now when the kid grows up maybe that motherly instinct to protect them diminishes because they're more independent, I don't know, but there's also plenty of dudes who either don't have enough of a backbone to defend their kids/loved ones or they just don't care. I'd say it all comes down to personality and level of attachment.

[–]strikethrough123 26 points27 points  (0 children)

A woman will lay down her life for her children.

Men > Women > Children > Animals

[–]andreas_all 1 points1 points [recovered]

What is this fucking BULLSHIT IM READING, FUCKING UTTER BULLSHIT AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED, your mother cares for you more than you can dream about in your stupid little mind and she will more than die for you, she would suffer for you for all eternity, im speaking from personal experience

[–]Wrath_of_Trump 51 points52 points  (1 child)

"Relationships" are business arrangements, not special. The business is that you be a man, and she be a woman. You break the contract, that's your ass.

[–]SteveRogersPill 28 points29 points  (1 child)

I remember me and an ex of mine both going through personal shit and I vented to her vice versa... after that it went downhill. I learned my lesson

[–]andtoc 22 points23 points  (3 children)

I also find that working through my thoughts and feelings through private journaling helps a lot. I don't really like to be the emotional dude but I also think that completely ignoring that side might be dangerous. Using emotions as fuel for doing "productive things" is also amazing.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Agreed. As men, we must realize that having emotion is a ok. Crying is ok. Heart break is ok. Questioning what to do next is ok. But doing so in front of a plate or S.O. is out of the question.

Journals and singing has also helped me as well. Glad I'm not the only one that will journal. Heaven fucking forbid a plate or S.O. ever finds it though. So I leave mine at work and will stay a little later after work or come a little early to write in it.

[–]ybcurious93 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Vented to a girl I was dating about why I wasn't able to move out. Which was basically because my fam is cash strapped, and my stepdad doesn't work. She said she really liked that I was a family guy. Two weeks later she said she wants to start dating other guys

[–]1CCJ22[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I'm sorry. It's happened to me when I was younger so I know what you did/are going through. The greatest thing about that is it lead you here to TRP.

[–]Supertribi 10 points11 points  (0 children)

[–]Proto_Sigma 55 points56 points  (8 children)

I'd revise that to never open up to someone you're romantically or sexually interested in. Gods Don't Bleed, and showing weakness or vulnerability will make you less attractive.

However, female relatives or girls you aren't interested in are fair game. If you find yourself in the awkward situation of having someone want you who you don't want back, the emotional tampon method can scare them off really quickly.

I have a solid relationship with both my father and my mother. I confide in both of them emotionally and in general, and both have given me really solid life advice. I know not everyone has that, but the number of people you can reliably turn to for help in your life is so small that it makes no sense to exclude any of them without cause.

[–]ArabSigma 10 points11 points  (2 children)

It has been my experience that opening up to a woman, even family members, is like opening up to the police. Anything you say can be used against you.

[–]PhoenixMDL 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Can and WILL be used against you

[–]Celicni 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"Girls you aren't interested in" is okay if that's your tactic for getting rid of them.

"Female relatives" though...why? Do you honestly think a woman can give you any advice that'll help you more than a man's (excluding the obvious girly stuff).

[–]Proto_Sigma 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I think good advice can come from smart people, from personal experience. Tbh my father and especially my mother were pushing TRP basics on deaf ears long before I found TRP for myself.

" Put on some muscle lose some fat. Chicks are in to fit guys."

"For god's sake Proto, put more effort into your hygiene."

" Sit up straight, hunched over posture is unattractive."

"Work hard, nothing in life is for free. Schedule and manage your time."

" Make sure you match your clothes. Style is important. Presentation is important."

" If you like a girl, just talk to her. It's not a big deal, be fun, be confident, go for what you want."

Of course, I was such a dense little shit I ignored them because I trust what I read and research for myself over other people, and finding TRP vindicated a lot of what they had to say. Granted they didn't have a lot of the theory or experimental observation, but the fundamentals were sound and I would have been much better off much earlier if I had listened.

It depends on the situation. People have different skills and expertise you can consult, so they are more useful for certain types of advice. My dad is overweight but lifts like a champ, so he was very helpful for basic form when I started out, and for work advice. My mother handles the paying of bills and the management of the house so for solid budgeting and management she's the better one to go to.

If a person seems successful and trustworthy and to be an expert in a given subject, they're a good person to get advice from. I still eschew romantic advice from women, because they work from an entirely different mindset, but for more mundane stuff their advice can be more than adequate.

TL;DR: Female advice has actually been really helpful in the past. Use whatever resources you have.

[–]conflagratorX 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I'm starting wondering why the hell forming any relationship (other than sexual) with women when she won't comfort you in hard times. It is better to just suffer alone then suffer alone and have pressure to hide it.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Because it's not & will not ever be your womans job to comfort you. Rather, us men are there to comfort to our women. Put a roof over their head, food on the table, etc...

The only time you should "feel comforted" is during the times she reaches for your hand, rubs your head, or is laying on the couch with her arms extended waiting for you to lay your head on your chest. Outside of that, we all must learn to shut the fuck up and not ever discuss VERBALLY our feelings with our woman.

Took me years to figure this out.

You will never have pressure to hide it once you reach your pinnacle of manhood. And in that process you find a mentor. A man (hopefully older than you) that will give you sound solid advice or an ear for the rare times you need to vent.

Like you, I have felt what you are feeling. Alone. But don't get discouraged. You've come this far. You're getting closer to "getting it".

[–]internets-a-mistake 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Wait, is this real? It can't be real, right? Like, human beings don't actually think this way, right? Men can't be so fundamentally broken they think they can't express emotion.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

MEN can express emotion. It is healthy to do so. Just don't fucking do it around your plate(s) or S.O. unless you want her to lose her attraction to you.

[–]EsteraMC 67 points68 points  (11 children)

Don't contact your mother, your sister,

Stupid advice. Family is there to support you.

[–]badaod 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Exactly. unless you have some stupid family power play going on (many many have), your mother has no interest in you being weak.

for the sister: i don’t have one, so i can’t tell. I could imagine i’d be a bit more cautious here.

[–]NikolaGeorgiev 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Women, due to their solipsism, don't know the male condition and aren't able to give good advice. They will give you BP advice and think they're helping. Just like when your momma/girl friend told you to be yourself.

[–]badaod 1 point2 points  (2 children)

good point, thanks for extending.

I would never ask them for real advice (unless specifically domain based where the woman is an expert).

I was writing about you helping yourself by talking to your mom. She might be doing nothing to help your situation but if you need to talk to someone (and you are aware of that), then better to your mom than to a girl that has other interest and does not even see you.

It’s not my go to address because i normally deal with my shit alone but many guys do, so better go to the mom than the sister.

[–]skinnymin 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Speaking from experiance if you have a family like mine (mostly women and no father figures whatsoever the dont got to family applies tenfold.) You like need to break out and learn to be your own man.

[–]EsteraMC 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do have a family like yours (women only), but that is why I approach a lot and try to learn.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Eh sorta. My mom is a very caring person and eager to help and likes when I open up to her. However, I’ve noticed a change in her demeanor towards me in times after I’ve shown vulnerability and talked about my problems with her. She doesn’t treat me bad necessarily. But she does seem to treat me and regard me as a lesser male in those times afterwards.

It’s subconscious. On the conscious level she likes to think of herself as ultra supportive. But her female hindbrain can’t help but perceive her own son as weak after I’ve opened up about some thing or other. So fuck her. Shut her out. I’ve resolved to maintain a fairly aloof attitude towards my own mother.

It’s a bit of a black pill mentality. But she is the origin of a lot of my problems anyway. So it’s especially grating to perceive her looking down on you for problems she essentially created in you. Fuck her. Shut her out.

[–]EsteraMC 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I think you are seeing things. My mother always encourages me and basically tells me how great I am and that I should just go and relax and approach more girls.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers00 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Possibly. At the very least she’s not shitty to me. But women have many many subtle ways of belittling you. And your own mother is not entirely immune to this. You do have a wider margin of error with your mother. But she also can be classic bitch.

[–]EsteraMC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know man. My mother only belittles me for stuff that would improve me. An example: "Stop caring so much about your haircut, who cares, be a man, just go out and don't give a fuck!"

[–]sixseven89 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Obviously this makes sense when you feel sad or stressed, but does this also apply to anger? Ex: "My boss is being such a fucking idiot right now"

[–]1CCJ22[S] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Correct, any and all emotion. This too applies with anger. Don't tell your girl about your shitty day. Tell her about the positive things about your day IF and only IF she asks. You want to speak less, and listen more. If you speak for over 2 minutes about your day. You're doing it wrong.

If you wanna be chatty Kathy, call your friends, dad, etc... And don't do it in front of your girl.

[–]moltenw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let's say that I casually mention "I had a tiresome day" (not mentioning anything further) while maintaining frame, is this also crossing that line? Like, where do you draw the line?

[–]badaod 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yep. i can recall my father being mostly redpilled and NGAF about most things... but then he had these fits where he would go uncontrollably angry and shout and run into another room.

What a loss of frame. It took me some time to get that these fits were no sign of strength but the exact opposite.

Yes. Also keep anger away. It’s addictive and makes you weaker. Just walk away for some time and figure things out for yourself.

[–]ApexmanRP 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Girls asks "Are you OK baby?"

Your reply..every...single...fucking....time;

"Yeah I am good, baby" (smile and wink).. even if you just lost your job/house/best friend

Now practice this line, in front of the mirror.

[–]ktorr1546 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Could not agree more! My roommate started getting too emotional around his GF. She left him quickly and is now repulsed by him.

[–]356dc 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't give enough of a shit about women to try so hard to hide my weak side in front of them. If I want to rant and vent I will. Coldn't care less if she stops having sex with me and leaves. Fuck you bitch. Working so hard on being a tough alpha to impress a woman sounds beta as fuck.

[–]ThrowsSharksAtBirds 16 points17 points  (2 children)

The more I read these type of “advice” posts the more I conclude that majority the people horribly mistake TRP.

This entire post contradicts with, what I keep reading on the sidebe, quality of life.

Yes you dont have to be an emotional tampon or overly chatty person. But Communication is extremely important.

People who mention: relationship a business are in denial mode. When you settle eventually for life to carry on as TRP person you need to discuss feelings.

How you discuss them obviously is important, but plain telling everybody to avoid females is just plain baseless.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You misunderstood what I wrote. Communicate your frame and let her fall in your frame or stop talking to her. Sure. But never communicate your "feelings" with words. Communicate them with action or lack of contingent on the subject at hand.

[–]_speak 11 points12 points  (1 child)

That’s pretty misleading.. there’s a difference between wallowing in your feelings and discussing them. If you’re really that confident it shouldn’t be an issue to discuss whatever’s going on in your head.. emotions are just unarticulated thought

[–]andreas_all 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This!!!, advice like this will ruin mens lives forever it happened to me

[–]samuelcollin 1 points1 points [recovered]

Its so depressing. I feel so alone in this life. I don’t have any male friends nor male family to listen to venting.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

But you have online friends that will listen.

[–]Fedor_Gavnyukov 4 points5 points  (6 children)

keep your chin up bro. go join a club of some sort. you can make friends there. you can make friends at the gym too. get some confidence in yourself and things will be better.

[–]samuelcollin 1 points1 points [recovered]

I have plenty of friends, I just don’t feel comfortable sharing my loneliness with them. If i ever do, Its normally one sentence replies. I have been considering seeing a psychiatrist but I see right through their mind games.

I just wish I could entrust myself to a women, hold her at night, etc... But I know thats a fairytale

[–]Zelthia 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I just wish I could entrust myself to a women, hold her at night,

No disrespect here, but this is just the little defenseless boy in you talking. He wants to crawl back into mommy’s arms and be sheltered and protected. You want a woman to be your shield against the cruel cruel world, just like mommy was.

Unless you are still a little boy, this is simply not possible, and it is very likely that the loneliness you feel is originated in people around you feeling this weakness and not wanting to associate with it.

Our animal instincts are still functioning even in “human society”, and all social animals reject weakness, for it lowers the survivability of the pack.

[–]elogie423 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Very pertinent advice. Had a discussion with my soon-to-be ex today that I know she lost faith in me when I expected her to support me (not financially, just a few general lifestyle things) when I had to leave my job and was having a lot of uncertainty making my next option happen. Nevermind she has depression and I (big mistake) would change my whole day whenever she was depressed and couldn't get out of bed or stop crying. That never counted for anything. She already has a new boyfriend lined up "that I never had to worry about". This is all real. She was amazing too. But she saw me be weak.

[–]systemshock869 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Call a level headed man for advice.

I used to spill my guts to my bros but they ended up not respecting me just like bitches at the club. Level headed male friends are in short supply. Crab bucket friends will do you more harm than good.

[–]EmotionalChicken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

straight facts, hard to find friends that want the best for you these days

[–]BeeStingsAndHoney 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Honestly, this is so true. I'm 30. My ex was a psychologist. Bill Burr's sketch about women being like an issue-seeking robot is on point. "Der der der, let's talk about this, der der der, let's talk about that!" They never stop. She dug, and dug, all under the mask of being a curious person and wanting to help. I decided to be 100% honest about my issues and what I got up to. Eventually she ran out of ammuniti-i mean things she wanted to help with. She went full retard one day. I had one simple request: "I'm really busy at work, exhausted, if you want a quiet drink tonight that's fine, but just can't talk about anything heavy." Which to her meant... "where do you see this relationship going?" I insisted we talk about it later and so she stormed out of the bar, making a scene. Almost got into a fight with a guy who laughed. Anyway, point of the story: open up to a good friend who is wise, or to a psychologist (who you're not dating).

[–]RxCubed 4 points5 points  (0 children)

UNLESS, you are trying to end a relationship quickly and without issue. You never have to deal with a crazy ex if she thinks you are just some whining pussy. Works like a charm.

[–]BittyMitty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't expose your weakness, people MIGHT help you, but will SURELY take advantage of you.

[–]UnlimitedEgo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you have to have your "feelings" talk about shit like a man with your guy friends who are at least in the same emotional realm as you. Women don't understand why guys like to solve problems and vent to vent, men do shit to solve problems. With that said, you should expect your buddies to probably give helpful feedback other than just saying, "Sandra's a bitch I'd totally unfriend her...".

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Why not call the guy that says "fuck bitches and get money"? That guy has the right idea. Haha

[–]1CCJ22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Assuming you're seeking sound advice, on HOW to "fuck bitches and get money" not just the typical 'frat boy response' one liner as if that's suppose to help your situation. Ideally, if a man seeks advice, he'd like to know how to solve the problem he is facing. Not be handed a beer and told fuck bitches and get money with no sound concrete way of achieving said target. (I am a fraternity member-can confirm, this advice was shit back in the day)

[–]Ihatemoi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have done this in all of my past relationships. Never again.

[–]kejflk34jlkd 1 points1 points [recovered]

If a girl isn't showing you enough affection or attention or appreciation, how can you bring it up without looking like an emotional pussy? I've found that only a certain type of girl even notices dread game. The others seem to need for me to spell it out.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Do not bring it up verbally. Ever. You reward her actions that you like. You stop giving attention when she does not perform to your expectation. And I'm not talking about sex like most people on here do. If you mean affection/attention like getting your head rubbed by her, or her reaching for your hand. I get it. I too want those things. But if she isn't giving you that. You should NEVER need to tell her.

Rather you need to find your soulmate cause that girl simply isn't cutting it for you.

[–]2Archterus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I suspect you cannot. Rather spend a bit of time asking yourself why you need that affection/attention/appreciation.

[–]NinjasOwnTheNight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This shit got incel quick AF.

[–]shiftyourparadigm 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If I could go a little off topic. What should you do if a woman comes to you to express their emotional concerns about their job, their family, etc. It used to be my instinct to offer advise and try and be the one to solve all their problems, but I've quickly realized that they just want someone to vent their problems and find someone to confide any emotional insecurities without judgement. But what is this supposed to actually look like?

On the other end of the spectrum, if you listen too much and don't offer their desired feedback, you're now the one who's too dumbfounded to reply to whatever bombshell she may have dropped on you.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just listen to your plate(s) or S.O. Never give advice unless she asks for the advice. When or if she asks for advice give her at most two sentences. If you have to give more than two sentences simply tell her to call her mother or a woman that is older than her. Also avoid saying "uhm" to her.

[–]Zelthia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s actually rather simple. Let her rant, offer your concise viewpoint on the matter. Example:

Woman: “wah wah wah my coworkers are all morons and wah wah wah wah office drama and wah wah wah wah unfair to me because reasons”

Me: “personally I separate work from social environment so I don’t have to deal with drama where my paycheck comes from. I feel like having sushi for dinner.”

[–]DadOnDabs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stop. This is one thing on red pill that needs to be clarified and put under control.


I took this the wrong way when I first discovered red pill and never told anyone anything. This made me extremely depressed and I didn't even know it because I convinced myself I had never been through anything worthy of being depressed.

I couldn't talk to my friends or family, I thought professional help was for people who had problems. I ended up getting to a breaking point and calling the only person who I felt like I might be able to talk to, an ex-fwb (borderline gf). She helped talk me through my problems and I was finally able to tell my parents what was going on and am now on my way to professional help.

In me saying this, I agree with part of OPs post. You should never discuss feelings with someone you are solely trying to fuck. In moderation , it is completely okay to have female friends, it is completely okay to tell them how you are feeling, and it's okay for them to console you.

Women honestly do a better job at this then men because they are in touch with their emotions. Any time I tried to convey what was going on in my head to a male friend it was the standard, "damn dude/it will be alright/at least your not...."

[–]Pastelitomaracucho 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been through a rough spot over the past week and the most supporting comforting people I have had around have been women. Sex didn't stop.

I truly tried to test this view from this sub. I did hold my bitching as long as possible. I was begged to open up and let it all out. I decided to open up because fuck it, what could have been worse. I was proven very fucking wrong -at least this time- that opening up would break havoc on my image towards women.

TRP def gives you a powerful set of tools to get your shit together, but context is everything.

[–]1studentsensei 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unlike most guys in TRP I haven't experienced this (because I've only done it once to an LTR) and my results were vastly different then the standard "she lost attraction."

In fact she became even more attached.

I've opened up to an ex before without any disastrous consequences. I was very upset over work and was stressed about personal issues and her attraction for me didn't go down in the least. She even saw me cry a couple of times.

However, she did try to use my emotions against me as if she finally got "dominion" over me in a way no one else did. I'm a big proponent of allowing yourself to feel in the moment and then moving on so it literally drove her crazy how I'd pretend as if both of my breakdowns never happened.

So all in all even IF your woman actually reciprocates your feelings they'll only do so in order to use it against you later. "No one knows you like I do" or "Deep down you're a softie I've seen you cry you'd never leave me" etc, etc.

The other side of the pendulum still isn't nice.

[–]kucukkarabalik 8 points9 points  (8 children)

I think you are very wrong.

Of course, each party in the relationship should have their alone time from time to time, but not sharing how you feel with your gf just to look emotionally powerful? This is insane. This is faking it to look stronger. What is the whole point of a relationship if you do not have that emotional openness? If she is gonna grow cold after seeing your emotional self, then fuck her, it means she's not the one for you. Besides, in my experience, we women like it when men are able to talk about their feelings with us.

Edit: spelling

[–]Glassland 5 points6 points  (7 children)

You may think you like it but you probably don't. Talking about your emotions as a man to a woman is essentially showing her weakness and there is no greater turn off for a woman to see her man not being the unemotional cool rock she imagined.

[–]miller211 3 points4 points  (3 children)

But you're not a cool unemotional rock... You're just pretending to be.. that's a big fucking difference there bro

[–]kucukkarabalik 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will have to disagree. The pretentious "unemotional cool rocks" are considered pathetic by many women. If we really like/love someone we expect them to be emotionally open. This will sound weird but I think that we have motherly instincts and they kinda kick in when men open up to us, and this is one of the reasons why we like it.

[–]MikeyFrank 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wtf are you talking about bro, you’re literally generalizing half the population into one behavior.

My gf has seen me get mugged and beat in front of her, and guess what? I cried about it too!

As a matter of fact, she loves that I’m an emotional guy because her ex was a “unemotional cool rock” that abused her and beat her. Which sounds like the kinda shit all of you brainwashed fucks on this subreddit want to do to women.

According to your logic, she should’ve broken up with me. But that was two years ago, and i’m probably gonna propose soon.

So maybe you should realize you don’t know jack shit

[–]1CCJ22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We do not, nor will ever condone beating a woman here on TRP.

[–]uebermacht 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Good reminder!
Been written by /u/Archwinger three years ago here: Never show weakness. She is not on your side.

[–]ZacharyWayne 15 points16 points  (10 children)

Is this what it means to be 'redpilled'? Shutting off all emotion in the presence of the opposite sex because you fear she might judge you? If you're in a relationship where you can't express sadness then it's not going to last. Without that emotional trust and understanding it's going to be hard to really connect with someone in a genuine way.

[–]Krimepay5 12 points13 points  (4 children)

If you are sad then your doing something wrong.

Your happiness is the most important thing in life. Try going into monk mode. No women, no alcohol, no smoking/drugs and just spend time having fun. Then if you do get plates or a LTR you can have fun by yourself and you do not rely on your other half to have fun. It is extremely important to be able to go out alone and have fun. By alone i mean just by yourself with no wingman/bitches/bros/family. Approach men and women while you are out and have conversations meet new people and even make new friends. When you go out alone you do not have anyone to answer to, your friends/bros/bitches/families cant say “aww can we not go to jack’s pub round the corner” when your having a great time doing what your doing.

To answer your question ”is this what it means to be redpilled”. Quite simply yes. But not out of fear. Out of the fact that AWALT and you do not tell women about your problems. Thats what your male friends are for as they think logically and can actually help, understand, they do not give you an answer regarding the current emotion they feel at the time even if it is a choice where you are between a rock and a hard place.

You can connect with people emotionally without hanging your dirty washing up in public.

[–]ZacharyWayne 9 points10 points  (2 children)

If I'm sad I'm doing something wrong? So if my dad dies and I cry that means I screwed up? Dude, that makes zero sense.

And what makes you think your girlfriend can't be there for your problems? My girl is in a lot of ways my closest friend and I trust her to relate with and understand my problems more than anyone else. We are all human and acting like you shouldn't let women know about your problems or feelings is just childish and insecure sounding.

In fact, from a biological perspective, women are far better hard-wired to play the therapist role. So yeah, it's alrite to be emotionally open with women and anyone who says otherwise most likely just got their hearts crushed by a real bitch at some point in their life.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I will not induce further discussion of why I am certain you are wrong. I will agree with you that we disagree. At the end of the day you are a man on TRP and I am as well. We are, in theory, on the same team & try and help each other. I respect you as such.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly this. I love what you wrote.

[–]Paladin2903 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We are talking about human nature. Anytime a woman sees a man acting weak, it chips away at his attractiveness level. Some of you guys are still stuck in the blue pill “utopia.”

[–]1CCJ22[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You don't avoid showing emotion for fear of being judged. You avoid showing it because it's not her job to deal with your emotions.

[–]monadyne 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not about being judged. In fact, women profess to like having men show their "sensitive side." The problem is the dynamic: you getting sympathy from her turns her into A Mommy and you into A Little Boy. She may even enjoy nurturing you on an emotional level while you're hurting. BUT it dries up her pussy. She loses any sexual attraction she may have had toward you. Think about it: it would feel perverse for Mommy to have sexual feelings for a Little Boy. She needs to see you as a Strong Man for her to get or maintain the tingles for you.

Even something like complaining about the boss at work sets up a bad dynamic message: the boss is like a Daddy figure because he has the power and you don't... which once again depicts you as a Little Boy, impotent and whining about something he can't do anything about. That doesn't inspire a woman's confidence in a man. So, shut up about it until you're with a buddy (i.e., an equal.)

[–]ArabSigma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The following is my personal philosophy, it isn't representative of TRP. But what it means, in my opinion, is that it's not appropriate for me to burden her with my turmoil. Sadness is not something I dump on others and especially not those I care about. Being able to process emotions and channeling them to other pursuits will yield better results. As far as I'm concerned, I turn to poetry when I'm sad because I find that ink flows smoothly when I'm in that state of mind. Anger is fuel for physical activity, and as such, I train with more vehemence when I'm angry than when I'm not. Doing this helps me become stronger not only for myself, but also for those who need me to be there for them, because if I can't take care of myself, what makes me think I can take care of others ?

[–]MonkeyMajik25 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Someone please explain the fine line between this and being vulnerable. A book that I read says vulnerability it's a good thing.

[–]seenoevil-taway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe Being vulnerable is useful when you want to build rapport, gaming a girl, getting her to relate to you and like you as a person. Being vulnerable is mentioning that it was hard to put down your dog, but the point of this post is to never go past that and cry or lose your frame because you had to put down your dog.

[–]Scorchyy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being vulnerable would be just telling her you don't have any experience with something or just looking a normal person who has it's weakness, discussing your feeling is different, it's when you tell a girl that you're depressed and things have been very hard for you etc.

[–]pmmeproudestmoment 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tldr: never discussing feelings can backfire. Use discussing feelings to make her Invest in you emotionally and to appear human. However always use minor stuff where you dont really need support. If you never Open up to her she will feel inferior to you.

I have to slightly disagree here. In long term relationships (be it friendship or romantic) it can backfire to always be the "strong guy".

Once you Establish the strong guy image you should (tho very rarely) find the right Moments to Show some kind of weakness.

My go to strategy is to open up about minor or fake things (e. g. I miss an old Friend from childhood) at boring / anti-flow Moments such as doing groceries or doing the dishes together.

This way you Highlight a boring Moment and it gets a meaning. Also when you open up she will open up in return and if you Listen as skillfully as Freud (aka caring but distant non-judging) she will invest emotionally a lot. Prefer to make her talk about her childhood in such Moments to create powerful emotions.

It is important however as OP said to not expect comfort from women. As always if you give them a responsibility they will shy away.

[–]bluemoviebaz 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Agree don’t share your feelings with women or most people for that matter, I may seem great at the time but will soon get you burnt,

Don’t agree absence makes the heart grown fonder”. Proximity makes the heart grow founder

[–]Alpha_Atom 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I get what your saying as it pertains to wives/girlfriends but why not mothers or sisters? since I'm not trying to have sex with them?

[–]1CCJ22[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Because they are not mentally equipped to give advice on issues us men face. They don't walk in our shoes.

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you would tell some memories on top of advice, that would be great.

[–]shm1212 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem is not the venting off emotions which is putting off women, usually is the incapability of resóving the problems which were causing the emotional distress.

[–]LucrativeRewards 1 point2 points  (4 children)

What about the other way around where your her emotional tampon?

[–]JimJones4Ever 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How about talking to your mom?

[–]Alpha_Jedi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very true. The second you let a chink in the armor show it will be exploited like so: https://alphajedi.com/2017/07/27/female-bully-complex/

[–]Throwaway_5252 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve gone the opposite route in regards to this. I’ve been through so much that I literally can not cry any more. I can’t open up about my emotions as I don’t have any other then then occasional bouts of feeling empty and sometimes homicidal rage when provoked negatively. And there’s fleeting moments of satiation when I’m sexually satisfied.

Women are drawn to me I suppose as I’m not a sensitive crybaby, but my god I wish I could feel or have anything to believe in aside from Constantly being on the search for my next nut.

[–]Scorchyy 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Fuck, this is so true. Same thing happened with a girl I met online, we used to have a lot of fun together sexting and she was really into me because she was often messaging me first and sending pictures without me asking but one day I was feeling depressed because I failed 3 of my classes at school this year and I was dumb enough to tell her about it because I was seeking for comfort. She barely even cared and didn't show much empathy at the time but that's not the worse, since then she became way more distant and almost never texted me first again. I think we sexted 2 or 3 times in the next 6 months and had a very few chats and then nothing, she just became completely cold and distant and I lost a girl I loved... I wish girl could be different, why did God had to make them that way :(

[–]BonelessSkinless 6 points7 points  (3 children)

It really is horrible isn't it. You want nothing more than to just relax with them, enjoy their company and vent some emotional steam/stress/work fatigue, whatever your issue is. As soon as you do this, they stop liking you and lose respect for you. It's ridiculous.

[–]Scorchyy 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Indeed, their brain is wired to look for the strongest male all the time so if you display any kind of weaknesses that means you're not the best and won't be able to protect her and give good offspring. It's pretty depressing to think about because it make me realize that us guys are only provider in the end, we can't even afford one moment of weakness while a girl can afford to be weak all the time and it's our job to make her feel better.

[–]1CCJ22[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand how you feel as I was raised by a woman with no real man to teach me how to NOT rely on my mothers tit. Luckily, we have all found the TRP.

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