I met this girl in the library. English, brunette, small and very cute. Pretty face. It's exam time and everyone's been pulling all nighters or staying up late. We were in a computer room that was pretty empty, and she kept glancing over. I saw that we were studying the same thing.

We 'studied' like that for a while but actually I was just on reddit and she was playing some kind of RPG on her mobile. It was hot.

So I walked over because she was cute as hell and approach anxiety doesn't even register anymore and as soon as she saw me her eyes lit up and then she knocked her coffee over her computer keyboard. Lol.

We studied together for a while, (we had taken the same module,) answered some exam questions, flirted quite heavily and then decided to head off because it was late. She was very cute and smiley and seemed to be enjoying herself a lot.

It was like 2am or something, she lived in the halls close by, I lived far away. I decided to walk her back to her halls, because, you know, it was 2am. She was happy about it.

We walk in the night and she brags to me about how her IQ is 170 and she's in mensa and I'm like "whowh this girl is into me huh."

I see her off at the front gates and then go to head home, but not wanting to pass up a sure thing, I say to her "we should study together again, that was fun".

She gives me her number eagerly.

---

Skip to a few days later.

I wake around 1pm to a headache, ass taste and a dry throat. Pulled an all nighter for an exam the day before and my recovery sleep seemed to have run over deep into the next day. Oops. Gotta make up for that sleep debt I guess.

The first thing I do is drink some water, take a piss, brush my damn teeth and then check my phone and see the message;

"Omw"

Oh it's the girl.

She's on her way.

On her way where?

Shit, yeah. We were 'hanging out' today. Supposed to meet at 1.30.

I check the time. Shit.

I am not ready. And I will be late.

How long can I make her wait?... Well this is directly correlated to the attractiveness of the girl.

In this case, not very long.

I get a move on.

The house is a tip, and I anticipate maybe possibly potentially hopefully fucking this girl after, so I can't bring her back to a shithole can I?

I begin cleaning the house: airing out the smoke, beer cans, food wrappers, trading cards. Soon I have a substantial rubbish bag and am not gonna let it stink up the flat. I put on my trusty slippers, put the door on latch and head downstairs.

I head out the main downstairs door and deposit the rubbish bag in the bin and attempt to re-enter through the front door.

But I've only gone and done it haven't I.

I've locked myself out.

---

The first thing I did was buzz the neighbours. No need to panic yet. It's the downstairs front door that's locked, the door to my flat is on latch. They only need to buzz me in and I have access.

But no one was answering. I only have 2 neighbours, the cute Asian girl that lives across from me, and a European couple above. Whenever I bring over screamers they try to match us. It's pretty fun actually.

Poor asian girl though...

Anyway she wasn't answering. And neither was the couple. Well fuck they were probably at work. Of course. Real adults have real jobs and don't sleep in until 1pm to 'study'.

I weigh up my options and variables.

I should be at the library with this girl in 20 mins.

I am, quite literally, in the clothes I slept in. Luckily for me, that entails a thick hoodie and sweats, because I save money on heating and pyjamas are for fags.

Oh and my slippers of course. However, no phone, no keys, no wallet. No current way to enter the house.

I consider scaling the building, I'm a climber... but no parkour maniac. And I don't think I was stupid enough to leave any windows open.

Fuck. I realise that this date isn't gonna happen. I'm stuck outside, completely technologically naked, with no way to contact anyone.

Missing phone anxiety begins to creep in.

Gonna have to flake on the girl, cos I'm a damn idiot and locked myself out of the flat. A silent flake too... harsh.

Oh well. She'll probably like me more after anyway.

---

So I decide the smartest thing to do is wait for my neighbours to get back.

Which will probably be like 6 or 7 right? That's when normal people finish their normal jobs right?

Well until then I guess I just gotta kill time.

A few years ago, I woulda stressed about a situation like this, really just got stupidly anxious. But I've read Solzhenitsyn... this... this is no big deal at all. Pretty funny actually.

Lets make the most of it.

So I wonder down the high street in my slippers, and get looks from the people on the street. I probably look like a mess, unshowered and unshaven and in my sweats; but then I see my reflection in a shop window and I've got that whole just woke up bed-head grizzled college boy stoner look going on and I marvel for the 1000th time at how attractive I am. Thank god for lifting.

The slippers flop on the pavement, they probably will not last the day if I'm gonna be walking around. But oh well. I remember buying these slippers. Only a few weeks ago. I was in a store and I spotted them and immediately felt this ethereal feeling like they were important somehow and I needed them. The slippers damn called to me. So I bought em.

Interesting. Now I know why. Morphic Resonance after all. Or maybe just very good slipper marketing.

I sit on a bench by the river and watch the water. It's a cold day. I feel naked and unplugged, and for the first time, actually feel good about it. I had no phone or money, no internet connection, no dopamine inducing distractions, and I was alone with my thoughts and the cold air. A sudden weight lifted from the top of my head. It felt like I'd just taken a small dose of... something....

It was freeing. I realised it was going to be one of those days. I haven't had one of these in a while, and I cherish them.

---

It now has to be past the time when I was supposed to meet the girl but I have no real way to tell. I meditate for a while cos the air feels good on my face and then people-watch in the park and pet a dog. I begin listing off places to visit and planning out how I'll spend the next 5 or so hours until my neighbours get back.

It's as I am walking up the highstreet that I find what I thought was an extinct species of store.

An internet cafe.

An oasis.

Shit. Pass the tourniquet I have access again.

---

The Pakistani guy at the desks sees me in my slippers.

"I've locked myself out. I have no money. Can I use your computer please?"

He looks at me. "Ok. Number 5".

Thanks bro.

I get on facebook and its 2:05 and i notice she hasnt messaged me yet. Playing it cool. Nice.

I scroll reddit and memes for a while.

Then I have an idea.

I google the number of my estate agent. They should have a spare set of keys right? Paki bro let me use his phone to call them.

The lady on the other side didn't seem happy with my shit. They couldn't help me.

Plan foiled. Waiting for the neighbours it is then.

I scroll through trp for a while. The old hambeast next to me is watching some african music video and breathing very loudly through her mouth, and she's scrolling back and watching the same 10 seconds over and over. Has been doing it the whole time.

I finally get a "?" From the girl.

Nice. Still playing it cool.

I make her wait for 5 mins then hit her with the:

"cant come sorry"

She says "why"

I start to think about what I should do. But I know immediately what I'm going to do. It's one of those days after all, and I want her along for the ride.

"you could come here though"

She waits a long time before saying "where"

I message her the name of the nearest train station. She says "why though?" I tell her "lol its a surprise ".

This was obviously too much for her to bear and she texted "ok lol coming"

Wow that worked. Maybe I have her hooked already, or maybe she's just an adventurous one. Both options are great.

I didn't really have a plan for what happens next though. But who cares, I'll make it up as I go along.

Without my phone, or my wallet, I was entirely free to just drift with no responsibilities. It felt amazing.

Frankly, it felt like I was a kid again. Playing outside during summer.

I was suddenly very excited to see her.

---

When she arrived at the station and saw me in my slippers she gave me the goofiest smile. I could see in her eyes that she knew immediately that it will be one of those days.

"I locked myself out" I said.

"How?!?" She's laughing.

So I tell her the story, as we walk around town. I'm very self conscious that my breath might be bad due to the fact I actually haven't eaten anything yet, but am also thankful I am OCD about brushing my teeth as soon as I wake up.

I didn't really think about gaming her at all, I didn't analyse anything or hyperfocus on my actions. I just kinda went with it. It was fun, I was completely in the moment and just ran around the town and played with her, like a boy dog with a girl dog following him around. It helps that she wasn't shit testing me or anything bitchy like that, made it so easy and she happily bounced along like a lil' sidekick.

Well we try my flat again but my neighbours still aren't in, obviously, so we sit on the doorstep. I ask her if she wants to study. So we study on the doorstep for a while.

"Wait when do you have to be home?" I ask her.

"Uh, anytime." She smiles back.

"Cos I have no idea how long it will be till my neighbours get back. You don't have to wait with me the whole time you know"

"No I like it this is fun"

Wow. What a great feeling. When a pretty girl genuinely wants your company.

---

We chat for a while and quiz each other on metabolic pathways and then decide to wander again.

I climb a tree and then we talk about our families. I feel like a kid hanging out with his middle school girlfriend after school.

Eventually we spot a McDonalds.

So we go in. I haven't had breakfast, or eaten in hours. Fuck if I'm losing gains.

"So you know I don't have my wallet right?"

So she gets us a chicken nugget sharebox and sprites and we blow the straw packets at each other. Then we have ice cream.

We wonder by the park for a bit and it's getting colder so we head to a sports department store and check out all the cool bikes and skiing and climbing gear and I tell her I'll take her bouldering some time and she's down.

We leave and I reveal I've stolen a tennis ball and she gets mad at me becuase stealing is bad and scolds me so I keep bouncing the ball at her until she backs off and laughs and we play catch and she cant throw for shit and its cute.

The whole time, everything felt right. Like we'd been friends for ages, and we were on an adventure together.

We hit up a supermarket because I'm getting hungry again and we buy ham and dark chocolate and tangerines, and a jar of pickles. I wanted to get salted pistachios and mentioned it but the pistachios were very expensive and she was paying so... This time though we had a security guard following us around. For good reason too, I was still traipsing around in my slippers, which were muddy and beginning to fall apart. Probably looked like we were on drugs.

She pays again and I mentally add the tab up in my head with the nuggets. As we leave the guard says to us "scuse me did ya pay for those" and I say "why would we steal pickles mate" and she waves the receipt at him and gives him that Stacey disgust sneer that we've all sadly been on the receiving end of. It was astounding watching the pretty girl face morph into ultimate bitch putdown mode. There are probably betas in her life who only ever know her as this.

But hey I get to experience the cute, dorky side of her, and I'm loving it.

---

We leave the supermarket and she reveals that she actually stole the pistachios and hid them in her purse and I hug her cos I'm proud and squeeze her ass and then we eat our meal in the park.

After the meal we lay together on the grass for a while and I give the tennis ball to a dog that tried to steal our food and then we attempt the neighbours again but still nothing and its like 6pm and I'm starting to get a bit irked.

It's beginning to get cold now and I'm afraid the girl is getting bored of me and also that my neighbours might just have gone away for ever and I don't wanna have to call a locksmith but soon it will be late. I decide to take her to the one place in town I haven't taken her to yet.

Paki bro is cool again with us using the computers, and so we browse memes together for a while, and the hambeast is still there literally doing the same thing as before. She tells me about rick and morty but I don't really like rick and morty but I pretend its cool anyway cos why not and then I show her reddit and she doesn't really get it and then I tell her 9/11 was an inside job and we spend then next 2 hours arguing over conspiracy theories.

I make 4 journeys to check on the neighbours in the meantime and my slippers are broken and flapping at this point and its fucking almost 9pm and no one is home yet. I really don't want to have to do the lame and expensive option of getting a locksmith but its getting increasingly likely. What if my neighbours were just away? I hadn't heard them banging in a while tbh...

Everytime I get back to the cafe she is slouched there scrolling instagram and she hasn't left yet and its dark now and the cafe has got that dingy yellow light grimeyness to it and with the pretty bored girl sitting there and the ambience it looked like a damn Hopper painting and that snapshot remains imprinted in my mind. Really nice.

I tell her no one is stopping her from going home as it's getting late.

She says she feels bad for me and wants to see me get tucked in bed nice and warm.

Sweet

---

At 9 pm I break and realise my neighbours probably aren't coming back tonight and it was just my luck (or providence) that I got locked out today. I decide to go for the last resort and call up a locksmith using the girls phone. I'm bit grumpy about it but also got shit to do tomorrow.

"I only have 1 door I'm locked out of how much and how long?"

The lady on the other side said £70. Reasonable. 40mins.... Sure.

But first I have to run it by the girl.

"You're not broke are you?"

"Why"

"I need 70 for the locksmith"

"Sure" she says

"Okay please come immediately" I tell the lady.

We leave and I attempt to give the internet cafe guy £10 of her money as a gesture of thanks but he's not having it and seems more invested in the asian tv show he's watching anyway.

So we go to the ATM so she can withdraw the cash and then return to the doorstep to wait for the locksmith.

It seems locksmiths and drug dealers have a lot in common. They always seem to be '20 more minutes".

---

After 80 mins the girl starts yawning and I begin to shiver cos it's cold and she cuddles up to me. I call again and basically shout at the lady on the phone to hurry up and also to give me a discount. She says 10%. I say that's not enough and I wanted 20. She said 'ok ok'.

I can feel myself getting hot angry at the whole situation now but I catch myself cos I know its stupid and I don't wanna break frame in front of the girl.

So finally, after 90 mins the guy arrives and I think its gonna be a simple affair but nope, life ain't that easy.

---

Final Boss

So this guy shows up and he's eyeing me up oddly and eyefucking the pretty girl. He asks what needs opening.

I show him the front door and the top latch lock that just needs to be picked or whatever, I actually have no idea how locksmiths operate but I'm sure he's had this a million times before.

He gives me a 'hmmm' and a 'haaa' and says "well it looks like I'm gonna have to drill it"

That sounds expensive.

"Drill it? Is there nothing else you can do?"

"No I'm gonna have to remove the lock and install a new one"

"Does that mean new keys and shit?"

"Yeah I'm afraid so"

"Hey man I don't wanna bother my neighbours just cos I'm an idiot, you sure there's no other way you can try?"

"No this happens all the time only way is to drill it out" he seems pretty sure of himself.

"Nah dude I'm not gonna pay for that".

It's got a bit tense because we both realise neither of us is willing to back down yet. The girl can feel the animosity between us but she seems to know her place and doesn't say anything.

The frame battle continues.

I weigh up my options. I need to get in. This guy wants to rob me. I could get a new locksmith, that means another 90 mins probably, and maybe another scumbag. Fuck that I want to get inside now.

Then I think back to one of the first lessons I learned when i stumbled across this subreddit.

"Your greatest power as a man is your ability to walk away".

I smile.

"Okay dude cool I'm not gonna inconvenience my neighbours, will figure out how to get in tomorrow"

I ask the girl "hey, can we go back to your place tonight?

She's surprised but says "sure of course".

"Cool that's sorted then, sorry dude I'm just a broke student you know haha"

I see the panic of a lost sale in his eyes, he realises that I'm not bluffing.

But I give him an opening. In truth, I actually want this damn door open. You must always give them an opening to backtrack, it helps them save face.

"Could you just give it one last look though just to make sure?"

"You know what mate, let me try something" he says, as he rummages in his van.

Of fucking course. You go for it mate. You try something mate.

Bastard.

---

So he grabs this long hook claw thingy and feeds it through the letter box and opens the door in 4 seconds flat and I wanna bash his fucking head in but mostly I'm just glad that we're finally inside and it's warm and also victory tastes sweet cos absolutely fuck this guy. Don't blame him that much tbh, most people are weak and agreeable and probably fall for this one all the fucking time, but that's still such an asshole way to do business.

So she hands me the cash but I give her 20 back and she has a £5 note and so I give him the £55 (for 5 mins worth of work not bad bro) and he says

"Its 70 mate"

I get a hot flash of anger. Wow. Round 2 it is.

"Your boss gave me 20% off for being late"

"I wasn't told anything about that" he says.

"Well she did"

He pauses for a moment. Still holding the money. I can feel the girl get more anxious. We're inside now and the silence makes the tension worse.

I'm pissed. "Whether she told you or not you still owe me a discount you were very late"

He smiles. It's a good shit eating smirk, ladies must like it.

"Okay but its 56."

Thus guy must be joking.

The hot anger cools into a shrewd sharp chill as I realise.

Fuck this guy. I know exactly what he's doing. If he's not gonna get his cash, he'll at least try and make me sperg out and break frame in front of the girl. Petty but effective, cant allow me to win too hard can he?

I give them both a smile. "Do you have a pound babe?" I ask her. She doesn't. So I go upstairs and grab a pound from my loose change. It feels great to be back in my home again. I also clean up a bit more and fabreeze. Lol.

Probably should not have left her downstairs alone with the asshole, but I get back down and he hasn't cucked me so I put the coin straight into his palm.

"Okay we're done you can go now"

He seems pleased with himself and leaves.

---

We get upstairs and I put the radiators on, down a glass of water and stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while to try to dissipate the anger. Such a great day and one guy's gotta be an asshole and ruin it.

Then I realise that I don't have to think about it that way and actually I just smashed through a significant confrontation that I would have failed miserably years ago. This is the kind of shit Dads train you for and I never had a Dad but shit, I managed to do it. They say TRP is just for picking up women but honestly it's so much more; this place taught me how to hold frame and power-talk and navigate confrontations like this. Beforehand I would have been an agreeable pussy and bent over for the guy.

And the day had been fucking great too. A day disconnected from responsibilities and exams and social media. A day free of anxiety, where I could just flow in the moment and mess around with a cute girl like I did when I was a kid... And had I never even spoke to the girl, had I pussied out in that one pivotal moment in the library, this day would never have happened.

Always approach guys, you never know where the story with that girl will go, and pussying out kills the story before it even gets to start. Regret is always worse than rejection.

As I think about this I give myself shivers and am proud, and then smile in the mirror like a fucking psycho and scare myself.... but then realise its not that bad and I can smile when I'm proud if I want it's no big deal.

I enter the living room and she's taken off her coat and shoes and looks at me warmly and says "you have a nice place" and I say 'thanks' and then she immediately and very eagerly begins removing my clothes.

---

Epilogue

---

The next morning we cook breakfast and I'm head chef and she's like my nurse handing me scalpels and shit and its fun to boss her around and she follows my instructions. Afterwards I walk her to the high street to see her off. At the ATM I withdraw all the money from the tab I racked up yesterday and pay it all back immediately. Then I kiss her off at the station.

I feel pretty darn great about myself and basically skip home and jump into bed and just take some time to process things now that I'm finally alone.

The whole of yesterday was amazing, and I learnt so much about myself. All it took was some damn disconnection from life for a while.

I consider trashing my phone and getting a brick. Could I make the leap? Probably a good fucking idea. We know now that Zuck is listening to everything we say, and I'm trying to avoid getting on more lists than the many I'm already on.

Then I think about the girl, and just how lovely and sweet she was to be around. It was like she energised and supported me, gave me the life and exuberance I was missing. I suddenly really wanted to see her again, and felt the first few hints of one-itis settle in... She was so nice and feminine and smart and loyal and had the whole girl next door "would never cheat on u" vibe going. Hey, if we were a couple this would be a great origin story to tell people... I wonder what our kids would look like...

I settle for going on facebook to look at her pictures and miss how pretty she is.

I click on her profile pic which is very demure and innocent and makes her look smart and then I see it instantly.

"In a relationship with"

Lol. Why did I get my hopes up. What was I expecting.

AWALT after all.