LTRAskTRP told me to hard next my ex. I accepted her back and guess what (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Amendog

So I made this post on /asktrp three weeks ago regarding my ex needy validation behaviour with strangers on instagram:

" I've dated a girl for 3 months, she has no father, only guy friends (1-2 female friends) and it always was something that bothered me. she always told me that they were flirting with her, but then she would always tell me she avoids those compliments. few days ago I checked her Instagram and I discovered something very different: she would flirt with them too, send them pics and messages of her, they txted her back "you're hot af" "you're so fucking sexy" and stuff like this - FOR THE WHOLE TIME WE DATED. I broke up with her immediately, she started crying and begging me to get back together. she promised she will change, that she would do everything for me. I love her. that's the truth - and now I start thinking that I was too impulsive. she always told those guys she has a boyfriend, they knew I was around and she never really cheated. I think she only did it for some attention. my questions are: 1. was I doing the right thing? 2. can we ever get together again like we used to be, or is it too late?

thank you all!!"

This what happened afterwards:

We were seperated for a week, then we decided to get back together. By the time we were broken up she go out on a date with another guy, which she declared to be unattractive, and stated she has no desire for him.

We kept fighting, arguing, and even though she really loved me, she just kept snapping and me and having scenes.

Few days ago I sensed some clues that she is hiding something on her phone. She changed passwords, never let me see anything on it, even if it was a YouTube video.

After I pressured her to tell me the truth, there it was: she kept talking with the same guy, sending him pictures, intitiating conversations and so on. She explained it that he was the only one who could listen to her without judgement, and that she was afraid I would break up with her.

This time I decided it's finally over, and that I should move on. You all told me to cut it off, but I was weak, and then I got in my face. She begged me to reconsider rebuilding the relationship with her, that she will change, and finally told me that if I change my mind i should text her. Not gonna happen.

Thank you brothers for making me smarter and stronger everyday. And remember - Medium is the message and AWALT

Edit: I've read everything you wrote. Thanks for all the comments, the nicer ones and even the critics. I know TRP, I read the side bar (and even more) and still, true life is different. I gave her one chance, she screwed it up, and now she's gone for good. My father told me something I want to share with you as an extra message. After I broke up with her again he told me something I will never forget: "I wish I was like those guys, who can end an LTR quietly, without any hesitation or fear, and just say 'fuck it. I will have awesome relationships really soon and I will feel better'" That's the guy I want to be. For sure. I will fight every day for it. Life's full of challenge. Thank you for everything. I wish you the best journey you can do!

[–]Endorsed ContributorThotwrecker 867 points868 points  (23 children)

Hopefully now you understand TRP advice isn't about the girl, it's about you. When I give advice like that, it's not like I'm trying to assess the girl and whether or not she'll cheat in the future. I'm assessing you - what does it mean for you if you accept back a girl that burned you? What does that do to your growth? TRP is here to challenge you, to help you take the pain up front, to the chin, now. So rather than defering your pain, you take it on the chin now - you go through the pain of breaking up now, and you begin the process now.

My point is that even if she HAD been a good GF for a few months, even if she HAD not gone back to the exact same behavior... it STILL would have been a bad move to stay. Because what does it do to you to accept a girl back? It ingraines a cuck pattern in your mind, you get more practiced in rationalization and hamstering.

This is why I don't try to tell these asktrp guys "she will cheat again". They won't believe it, they won't get it. I try to tell them "regardless of what she does, you will damage your own growth and personality if you take her back". It's not about what she does or doesn't do, you can't control that.

This isn't to say we told you so or anything - it's more likely that now one day you'll be the guy trying to convince some dumbass or his friend or someone to not take back a ho. Or maybe you'll feel weak and want her back. But remember, it's never about what she will do. It's not about her - it's about you. You say "even though she really loved me" - maybe. Probably not, but sure, maybe. Does it matter? No, because the decision should never be about her, it should be about you.

[–]2Dmva100 143 points144 points  (7 children)

To add:

Being able to break it off is what most have trouble with, but keeping her shut out while you move forward with new women is a 'stage 2' where most guys fuck it up, because the new waahmiinnzz that you have acquired will make your ex go kookoo for cocoa puffs. She will do ANYTHING to get you back Into her vagina to fuck up your new relationship just to salvage her ego.

If you fall for it, you lose. She'll try to ghost you afterward as she feeds on the drama of your new sexual interest(s) nexting you and flipping out altogether, which in her hamster-wheel mind, is enough to convince herself that she got the last word, left you, and made the right decision slotting you as a beta cuck single mommy product, just so she can eliminate the reality that she got dumped for being a ho-gash in the first place.

This scenario also includes preggo trapping and false rape allegations if you foolishly decide to go back for one more fuck. All women lie about sexual assault unless due process reveals otherwise.

[–]Killing__Time_ 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I have been cucked by this. This is so 100% true.

[–]Sumshot 10 points11 points  (2 children)

If you fall for it, you lose. She'll try to ghost you afterward as she feeds on the drama of your new sexual interest(s) nexting you and flipping out altogether, which in her hamster-wheel mind, is enough to convince herself that she got the last word, left you, and made the right decision slotting you as a beta cuck single mommy product, just so she can eliminate the reality that she got dumped for being a ho-gash in the first place.

Very true, unfortunately. I know that feeling myself and I can understand everyone who wants to do this...

[–]banthrow 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I have been in both sides. I dumped bitches most of the time, and when I get a new one, they go crazy. I never ever took them back, I dumped them for a reason. If you dump a girl because she's seeing other men and you took her back, basically you are accepting an open relationship, they see it like that, it's not even cheating now for them. I learned it the bad way, before the TRP. If you broke up for other reasons then you both might come back together, just not after infidelity, forget about it, its' no-no.

However recently I have been dumped and I developed feelings for the bitch, yes, right when she dumped me. I had some kind of complex or something. I saw the lightswitch effect head-on. Even months after our breakpu, I'm a "violent crazy abusive man". I swear to god, never even raised my voice, never had a single fight, but that's a girl after a breakup, we turn into monsters. There's nothing that I can do, she broke it, it's incredible how girls will pimp themselves to others a day after they break with you, even if the day before they wrote you love letters and bought you all kind of gifts. AWALT, I guess.

[–]2Dmva100 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Don't forget our dicks become tiny too after the said breakup, even though she is forever walking around with busted beaf curtains and a massive butthole from all the sex you had.

[–]Fulp_Piction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't agree with the last line. Women will lie about it but to say that by default there are no legitimate sexual assaults is wrong imo.

You could say what you said about absolutely anything - 'there are no aliens unless there are.' - obviously.

Nobody here thinks women are angels but part of the journey is letting go pf the bitterness.

[–]TallSwaggOVO 31 points32 points  (0 children)

One of the best RedPilled comments I’ve ever read. Couldn’t have said it better myself man

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is perfect. You can cut and paste it to almost every question on here. It’s not about the girl. It took me falling, getting up, falling harder to realize that it’s exactly what you said. Take it on the face now, get it over with and you can be a stronger man tomorrow.

[–]zelyios 14 points15 points  (0 children)

So much truth here. Still I needed to do it to see by myself.

Can now confirm :D

[–]BewareTheOldMan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"TRP advice isn't about the girl, it's about you. When I give advice like that, it's not like I'm trying to assess the girl and whether or not she'll cheat in the future. I'm assessing you..."

I like this. Great perpsective and advice.

[–]BPasFuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well put. My new current favorite comment.

[–]TRPnab 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is good enough for its own post imo. This shift in perspective is crucial and haven't seen it discussed before

[–]The_subtle_learner 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your children deserve you as a father.

[–]magx01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This.......is a really good post.

[–]5t3fan0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TRP advice isn't about the girl, it's about you

i think this is TRP in a nutshell, at least to me.

your whole comment is gold, saved.

[–]1ozaku7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What in the case if it's a girl that you have burned and taken back later?

[–]1SirKolbath 144 points145 points  (3 children)

Minus five points for taking her back, but plus ten for realizing it was a shitshow and moving on. Good luck and keep moving forward.

[–]PaulMurrayCbr 1 points1 points [recovered]

The average man learns from experience. The wise man learns from the experience of others. The fool never learns.

Congrats, at least, on staying out of the ranks of the fools. God knows, there are enough of them already.

[–]PGKTA 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Thank you for this quote, I'm going to get this tatted one day because of you.

[–]ImHerWonderland 72 points73 points  (5 children)

Please don't tat this on yourself.

[–]iakat 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Learn from this guy's experience, if you consider yourself wise.

[–]ImHerWonderland 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I don't have any tattoos actually, but it just sounds like a bad idea lol. Have an updoot.

[–]longjeep2005 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I'm gonna get the entirety of The Iliad tatted, be right back

[–]BPasFuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

War and Peace bro, MATCH ME!

[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself 65 points66 points  (1 child)

Back in my bluer days, I dated a girl that confessed to cheating. I never forgave her, but it took about two weeks for me to gather the testicular fortitude to pull that weed before it got worse.

How did she act during those two weeks? Grateful for my forgiveness? Happy, feminine and submissive? Hell no. She didn't wait two days before starting up the shit tests again and even asking me to buy her a car because she neeeeeds one. Oh she wasn't as blunt as she was before, but that entitlement and treating me like 100% beta bux is what got me to finally dump her ass.

Such broken girls don't want you to forgive them for cheating because they love you. They want the perks being in a relationship with you gives them while being free to "slip" here and there to get that Chad fix.

[–]longjeep2005 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Cheating is a nuclear shit test. If you forgive her you've eternally compromised your frame for hers. Women love your value, not you. Congrats on moving on

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 90 points91 points  (0 children)

> We kept fighting, arguing

I see where you went wrong.

[–]throwitdownman 108 points109 points  (11 children)

Never believe it when a women who went on a date with a guy says “I have no interest for him”.

If it were that easy, we’ll see every chub in the street get a date! If it were so, PUA wouldn’t need to exist! And we won’t need openers - clearly women do not go out with men they have 0 attraction for.

[–]ChrimsonChin988 1 points1 points [recovered]

Well the first and most important red flag was that she practically has no female friends. Why do you think that is? Because most women can’t even stand her.

Probably she would say something along the lines of “most women are bitches anyway, I just can’t stand them, they are so manipulative and conflict seeking.” While she was the problem because her behavior is probably very toxic in general.

And I think that the validation she needed from other guys was just the tip of the iceberg. Probably were 10 other reasons she was no gf material besides the daddy issues.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Interesting observation, and I'll add that from may experience, women who work in high up in corporations tend to have more male friend than female ones. Not sure why, might have to do with these women thinking they're equal to their male counterparts.

[–]ImHerWonderland 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not so sure on that, I've been with a few "good" girls that were submissive, pretty nice, and overall pleasant to be around. The only reason we separated was because they wanted a real relationship and I did not want to string them along. They all had mostly guy friends, although all of those guys were gay, so I'm not sure if it counts.

[–]look_good -1 points0 points  (0 children)

haha bitches aint shit but even i’ve got plenty of female friends. they can be amusing

[–]Abnull 38 points39 points  (0 children)

We decided to get back together

Just a note for the future. You are using "we" a lot. You decided to get back with her. You were in the power position.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Girls who use social media for validation are lost souls

[–]-Mavs 47 points48 points  (6 children)

This was a hard read; you have a lot to learn.

Got to start somewhere.

[–]FrozenJerryJewels 18 points19 points  (0 children)

We all start somewhere, I think OP did the right thing considering he's making the transition. 3 weeks is like overnight for some of us in terms of progression. He shows promise

[–]TRPDigesting 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I think one of the earliest ideas you have as you shift from Blue to Red is that the woman in your situation somehow is unique due to X, Y, Z variables.

It’s our own little optimistic hamster wheel spinning. An attitude of catering to other people rather than prioritizing yourself.

[–]SKRedPill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

An AWALT reaction to an accusation of AWALT is NAWALT and "Shame on you". This is basically to throw a pursuer off track. If one has no conviction in one's own frame and insights, it's easy to fall for it.

[–]AudioAssassyn 7 points8 points  (1 child)

She was 100% cucking him and he just ate it with a spoon. Glad he's figuring it out though.

A woman does not go out on a date with a guy she hasn't at least considered fucking. She would not accept compliments that she felt were in anyway invasive or overly aggressive. Women love the word "creep" so if they respond to compliments/pickup lines/sexual advances with anything other than that, they've enjoyed it and see it as a possible opportunity in the future. Or one that's at least not so bad that they would never go out with them (see my previous point).

[–]chrisname 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A lot of women are polite even when they aren't interested in a guy. It's up to how they were raised.

Encouraging guys to call you sexy is 100% off limits behaviour though.

[–]Barbie_and_KenM 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fell in "love" after a 3 month relationship. Is this high school?

[–]shubhidoobi 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Bitch wants emotional rollercoaster ride. She's broken.

[–]Shoregrey 13 points14 points  (1 child)

She's damaged and you can't save someone from themselves.

[–]monadyne -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Actually, if I'm not mistaken, whether damaged or not, all women behave in a similar fashion.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 18 points19 points  (2 children)

You all told me to cut it off

This is the fucking problem with 90% of men on asktrp. They ask for an answer, get a clear and consistent answer from everyone there who is generous enough to donate their valuable time to help, and then IGNORE IT.

Why even both asking for advice if you're going to ignore it? Just admit to yourself that you're not going to listen and save us all the effort of reading and replying.

Mattyanon's guide to predicting the future with near-infallible accuracy: the same thing will happen again.

That's it. Ignore her words, assume her actions will continue exactly the same as before. Simple. Cheated? She'll do it again. Attention whoring on instagram? She'll do it again. Flirting with strangers while with you? Gonna continue.

But with one exception: once she's been outed, it's going to be WORSE, because she knows she can get away with it.

[–]AnOldSouI 7 points8 points  (1 child)

There's still value in a lesson learned the hard way. Him coming to the conclusion that previous advice was correct just solidifies it in his mind to listen more closely in the future. And he's less likely to make the mistake again after having such a rough experience with that girl.

[–]A_REAL_CHARMER 1 points1 points [recovered]

If you feel the need to check your girls phone, she's not LTR material. Keep her as a plate and ditch her when the time is right. Once you break up with a girl, move on, as it's never going to be the same. That girl you fell in love with is dead, OP; now you will have a vindictive animal of a wholly different nature to deal with and it won't end happily. Don't fool yourself into getting back with this girl. Make yourself better and go get a better girl or set of girls.

[–]SpaceEnthusiast 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's probably even worse - the girl he fell in love probably never existed! The girl in front of him was something else...as he found out.

[–]bone_shadows 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It wasn't about money, it wasn't about sex, she simply liked having the status symbol of the boyfriend. She wasn't crying and begging because she was afraid she was going to lose you, she lost what it meant. It's because now she's not getting what she wants, her little Instagram world and her social peers will see her as a failure, or even the whore she is if the truth comes out. That's why she was so upset. Unfortunately it sounds like she's pretty attractive and will bounce back and will be dating that same guy you caught her with...

Or become fat. Hook line and sinker there

[–]6000000_DOLLAR_DICK 8 points9 points  (2 children)

She wanted a wallet on legs, you were gonna be her beta bucks that much is clear. It says to me either she saw you as an easy mark from the get go, you killed the tingles by being "too nice" or she's just a complete attention whore who needs constant tingles from as many boys as possible.

[–]Amendog[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Not at all. Lots of sex, she insisted we will pay the same. I'm not billy beta

[–]6000000_DOLLAR_DICK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then it was the daddy thing and need of constant tingles, she probably has trouble getting her tingles from just one guy, or if she was truthful that she disliked the other guy then maybe she was trying to rope a beta in uncertain times.

Either way Good job getting the fuck out.

[–]wanker7171 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As someone who was in love at one point too, cutting her off is honestly the best course for you to take no matter how much you want to have a positive relationship. Don't make this same mistake again

[–]OneBrowUp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not really an AWALT case, it's BPD classic.

[–]WatchItBuster 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why is this flaired LTR? They dated for a couple months.

[–]Amendog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's a bit different. We live together in the same boarding school. Intensive as fuck. I can't believe it's only 4 months

[–]bjbdbz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congradulations brother. Youve woken up.

[–]1Entropy-7 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you made the right choice. Calm down, take some time, and then find your next.

It took a whole lot of man to just say no to her! Lesson learned, now move on.

[–]justicecantakeanap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hope you follow the advice, this time. Sometimes you have to get stuff in your face to understand

[–]CasketCadaver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

congrats on having some balls man. you are now stronger

[–]RxCubed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She cheated on you 1000%. Good job ending it.

[–]daniellederek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't understand. Yes take her back for an hour every 3 to 6..... in her bed. Then leave afterwards.

If she really wants to keep you she will offer 3 ways with her other boyfriends plates.....

[–]Fulp_Piction 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best way to learn is to get burned by the stove.

Lesson learned.

[–]BoGiggity32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A bitch implying she cant be herself without being judged = huge red flag.

[–]talktothehand46 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to see you've learned from your mistakes. Take pride in the accomplishment you've achieved and use that in every future relationship.

[–]jonpe87 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There is a lot of things you are not telling us here.. be aware if that is not a rage post and your hamstering accept she back. I know people that can go years on that shit

[–]Amendog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There will always be many other details. But let me explain something. I ended this relationship nicely :supported and hugged her when we broke up, told her I'm not mad nor angry. I just said that now it's over, that I had a good time with her but now it's done and can't be fixed. In every single relationship there are always two sides : I have done some wrong things, I hurt her from time to time. I guess I can add that she was super sensitive and emotional, but that's my observation. The different is where she crosses the line. She talked with other male plates for the whole relationship. She snapped at me every time I was a little bit flirting with other girls, she acted like she was extremely moral and exclusive. I had feelings for a woman that never actually existed. She dated a guy when we were broken up. That's fine. Telling me he's not even an option while texting him behind my back? Those were solid facts. I'm not a rager. I'm done with this. I need my time and then I will start dating again

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never, ever listen to what they say. Only observe and judge what they do. Never, EVER listen to what people say. OBSERVE WHAT THEY DO.

[–]doyouevenvape420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It never gets better. My ex-gf punched me in my face 3 weeks after getting a puppy together. We shared an apartment and a future together. We both cared deeply. This wasn't the first time a wild and scary fight had occurred. I took her back, we went to therapy, we discussed changes and kept bickering. Then she punched me. If I fold to her begging me back and promising change, it will happen again. It's easy to maintain the status quo in a bad relationship. It's hard to follow through on a breakup. The difference is, the former puts a cap on your potential, and the later removes the roof. Hang tough.

[–]mvnarachi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Red flags red flags whoop whoop. Enjoy the enlightment bro.

[–]OskarDarkness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its always a struggle when you say to yourself - "Thats it. Im done." and actually do it and end the relationship. But why do you want to seek some approval from others, you know what they'll say - "Dump her and run, bro.. she's not worth it". You know that answer. Because that's the words you say in your head before even ask for advise. And when you give another chance... another situation.. maybe one more time.... and it doesnt work again? I bet you say to yourself and cursing that you didn't listen to your own mind in the first place.

You said you were done.. but still gave it another try. That is the point when you dont even keep your own word and promises to yourself. Next time you gonna say again "Im done" you'll simply not gonna believe it.

Thats why when you say "Im done with this" and actually accept it and do it, it will become true I believe.

I completely agree - Its not about TRP nor the girl, its about you and you only.

[–]bostezo22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

" I know TRP, I read the side bar (and even more) and still, true life is different." Really? For me, TRP IS true life. You seem like you had your piece of true life.

[–]1RationalDoc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking back to the time I considered taking my ex back, I wonder why I was behaving like I live in a fish barrel, and she was the only fish around. Seeing other girls after a breakup i find very vital as it“ reprograms” your mind out of that LTR.

[–]abudun79 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Please be so kind and link this excellent post in your initial question. If it ever comes up on someones search, I'd like him to see the outcome.

A big thumbs up for you, for having the guts to admit what happened and share your experience!

[–]420KUSHBUSH -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Never undermine any red flags you come across. Chemical hazard labels exist for a reason

[–]Kevmill29 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I feel like a big problem with most guys who haven't fully accepted the principles of TRP don't realize that women GAME men all the time to get what they want whether it be (attention, money, favors etc. ). Even the sweetest most innocent girl is a reckless monster who will do whatever they can to get what they want when you look past the exterior. I'm glad that you toughed up and did what you SHOULD'VE done a while ago OP.