The Blue Pill of Love
Our entire lives, we are force-fed misunderstandings about the world. Shades of the truth that do not make us happy. We are told to sacrifice for the empty promise of the possibility of a woman's love, that we should be loved for who we are rather than what we are. It teaches that it is okay to be unactualized. That it is okay to be mediocre. That hard work isn't its own reward. "Unconditional" love has been corrupted in a similar fashion. Oneitis, an unhealthy obsession of a woman, is the manifestation of this corruption. Men engage in it because they do not know better. We teach abundance mentality to combat it, but not what the actualization of that mentality is.
What Unconditional Love Means
When you ask someone what this means, they'll give you a meaning something akin to being accepted for who they are. We, as men, want to be loved for who we are. I do. Everyone does. It is a comfortable shadow of belief that we all cling to. The unspoken assumption that goes along with that desire, is that we will be accepted for who we are regardless of what we do. We also, generally, love with the expectation that we will be loved in return. It is these unspoken and unrealized expectations that corrupt its meaning.
Unconditional love is loving without the expectation of return. When we divest ourselves of the expectation that others will treat us as we treat them, we are allowed to give of ourselves because it makes us happy. Not because we are expecting something in return that will make us happy.
It Is okay to Love Unconditionally
We are human. We cannot escape this fact. We have many facets, many idiosyncracies, and many strengths. We have our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities. Love, is one of those things that we cannot escape despite our attempts to avoid it. It is as much a part of ourselves as anything else. This aspect needs to be embraced and understood. Oneitis is not unconditional. People with oneitis want something from the person of their desire. They give their love conditionally, and in doing so, they create a void that needs to be filled with the affections of said person. And when that person, inevitably, doesn't uphold that unspoken, unrealized part of the contract, they get hurt. They seek to fill that void with that person by any means possible. They degenerate, hurt, and lose sight of themselves. They dont realize a fundamental truth of our existence: there are consequences for our choices; we do reap what we sow.
Loving unconditionally, however, is loving because we love to love. If we give of ourselves with the full understanding that we may get nothing in return, we do not feel loss. We do not create that void in ourselves that needs to be filled by that person. It is an abundance mentality.
Abundance and Integrity
Integrity is the actualization of a simple concept. That our "yes" means yes, and that our "no" means no. For us to achieve integrity in our every day interactions, we must understand the depths of the decisions we make. This includes the choice of loving unconditionally. We must understand what it means when we say yes to the giving of our love to another. We cannot say "yes but" when we choose to love. When we become capable of completely understanding what that is, we can begin to achieve true abundance.
Abundance mentality, at its core, is a method of achieving unconditional loving via the understanding that we do, and should, have options. When we have options, we become unafraid of losing the objects of our desire. It allows us, as men, to love freely and withdraw our love freely. We are fulfilled with or without that person. We love them because we chose to do so, not because we wanted their love. We can say "no" and move on.
Spinning plates is only the beginning of the path. It mimics abundance- however it is easy to believe it is abundance because it enables the avoidance of choice. Abundance isn't the avoidance of the choice to love. It is acceptance of the choice to love, and having the integrity to make that choice and mean it. A common misunderstanding is that a "yes" is not necessarily a yes forever. You do not have to continue to love when you no longer choose to do so. Loving is a choice, not a requirement.
Give and Love Unconditionally
You cannot have true abundance if you expect anything in return for the love you give. You must understand what integrity is in order to achieve the mindset required for abundance. You must mean yes when you choose to love. Do not set yourself up for misery by loving conditionally. Actualize yourself, love yourself, and when you can choose freely to love, do so.
Love boldy, without apology, and without fear. Withdraw that love boldly, without apology, and without fear.
A lot of the confusion from my post comes from the multiple applications of the word(s) "(un)conditional" when applied to a concept like love. There is a duality of the word(s) (un)conditional when used:
I will give you love (without expectation[uncon.])/(for something[con.]), (for as long as you treat me well[con.])/(no matter how you treat me[uncon.]).
The most common example of "conditional love" (in my opinion) is quid pro quo, something for something, or the first part above. I will give you love in exchange for sex, for example. Unconditional love, however, is usually not the opposite of conditional love when conveyed, but applies to the second part of the above. I will give you love, regardless of your actions.
So my post was trying to communicate that unconditional love should be the opposite of the common understanding of conditional love, with the caveat that it can be withdrawn at anytime for any reason. That was what I was trying to convey here. If you give without expectation (unconditionally), it doesn't matter if the second one is conditional or not. (Ideally, you should be able to remove yourself from a bad situation.)
So conditional(for something) unconditional(regardless of how you treat me) love would be the worst blue-pill, conditional(for something) conditional(treating me well) love and unconditional(no expectation) unconditional(regardless of how you treat me) love would be "purple-pill", and unconditional(no expectation) conditional(as long as you treat me well) love would be red-pill.
I hope this clarifies.