I wanted to write down some thoughts I’ve had in regards to a recent post on TRP. The post is titled “Here’s the Top 20%”. I recommend you read that article because it is pretty insightful when looked at in the right way.
The writer gives statistics about what it means to get to the top 20% in various categories - height, salary, dick size, debt, and number of sexual partners. I wanted to flesh this out a bit more because I worry that many guys here are going to read that article and their takeaway is going to be that they aren’t doing well enough in these categories to succeed in dating and sex. I believe the intention of the article was to demonstrate that it is not nearly as difficult as you think it is to become a high value man, not that you HAVE to be top 20% to achieve success with women. More importantly, I want to emphasize that the vast majority of guys you are up against offer so little in terms of competition that it is not something you should spend any reasonable amount of time thinking about.
This will be a bit of a field report with some subjective opinions on where I think the majority of men stand in the world, and why it is much easier than you think to reach a point where dating is easy. This is not exaggerated for dramatic affect. I am simply trying to illustrate that most of you can be successful with women if you focus on the right things instead of obsessing over what the top guys are all doing.
This past weekend, I slept with 3 women between Friday and Sunday. One was a girl I had already been seeing, one was a girl I went on one date with about a week prior (date ended without sex), and one was someone I had never met before. Since people will undoubtedly ask, my “stats” are:
- 31 years old
- 15% bodyfat
- $130k (salary + investments)
- Ginger (I get compared to Dameon Louis, for a reference)
- Live in my own apartment in downtown Boston
- Tinder profile has recent pics from a bachelor party and wedding
- Normal social life but nothing crazy
- A few hobbies (rock climbing, photography, drawing, cooking)
This would put me as above average in the general population of men in my bracket and city. I’m not jacked, although I have lost about 40 pounds over the past year which has yielded a massive improvement in my looks. I generally wear dark clothes including a mix of button ups, graphic t-shirts, nice jeans and clean / higher end shoes and boots. I am hygienic, keep my facial hair trimmed and neat, pluck my eyebrows, gel my hair, and put on cologne. It takes me a total of about 15 minutes to get ready to go out.
Why am I talking about this? Because everything I just listed, aside from height, is completely obtainable for the average guy and virtually none of it is luck, genetics, or out of reach. Having orange hair could even be looked at as a detriment (no freckles, thankfully) and yet I regularly have women told me I’m their “first ginger”, and even sometimes hear “I’ve always had a thing for redheads”. It is not an exaggeration to say that most men do not even present themselves in an attractive way through basic hygiene and fashion.
Thursday night I had a girl I’ve been seeing over to watch a movie. She stayed the night, we fucked on my lunch break Friday, and then she left to head to her friend’s beach rental for the weekend. Friday night, I went out with a buddy of mine to see our other friend’s album premier. It was at a low-key bar, about 50 people, and I had no intentions or plans to hit on women. Around 12PM, a girl I had been messaging through Tinder asks what I’m up to. We had no plans to meet up anytime soon, but she had gotten off a late shift at her hospital and was bored. I told her I was watching my friend’s band play, and that she should stop by to check it out. I text her the address and tell her I have an extra ticket, she says she’ll be there in 20. This was a woman who had actually rejected my advances to grab a drink earlier in the week.
When she got there, she admitted she had messaged a few guys but seeing the band sounded like fun. You know why? Because the other guys were sitting at their fucking apartment and invited her to come straight there. They weren’t doing ANYTHING interesting. She told me she had never been invited to something like this. I asked her what she did for a living, and she told me she’s a doctor at one of the local hospitals. Before arriving, I told my friend and his girlfriend to make sure this girl felt comfortable, as she didn’t know anyone here and we had never met in person before. My friend’s girlfriend pulled her aside, got to know her a bit, while I was bullshitting with my buddy near them. It helped to diffuse the tension of her arriving to a venue of complete strangers. It showed that I wasn’t some guy sitting by myself asking Tinder girls to come out and just get drunk. Nothing about this situation was difficult on my end, yet it stood out to her as different than what she is normally invited to do.
After introducing her to the band, we got invited to an after party. At this point, after knowing me for an hour, she was excited to go and had no reservations about it. I made her laugh, made her feel comfortable, and showed that I actually have something to offer and talk about. We stopped by the party, and after 30 or so minutes we realized that we were probably the only people not on drugs. She said she felt weird, but didn’t want to go home. Given that it was 3AM at this point and all the bars were closed, I took the hint and said we can head back to my place. She said yes, again with no hesitation.
We get to my place, and the first thing she says is that she is impressed with how clean it is. I want to write this again to emphasize what stood out to her. A fucking DOCTOR was impressed that I clean my apartment. What does that say about the average guy in the dating scene? She was genuinely surprised that my god damn furniture matches, that I pick out artwork that isn’t just some melting clock you see in every dorm room in the United States, that I have real plants, and that I don’t have dirty clothes laying on the floor in my bedroom. Why do you think Jordan Peterson literally has a chapter dedicated to cleaning your bedroom in his latest book? It’s because the majority of the male populated can’t be bothered to pick up their shit-stained boxers off the floor and wipe the piss stains off their toilet seat. If you can’t take the time to do basic human chores, why would quality women want to fuck you?
The doctor and I talked about our experiences on Tinder for a bit, about how she’s tired of the way guys act on Tinder, don’t look like their pictures, don’t make an effort to get to know her before trying to have sex, and how her last date showed up in a baseball jersey to a restaurant and spent the entire time talking about the Red Sox. We fucked that night and the next morning after breakfast.
Later that night, another girl I had met once before texted me saying she wanted to hang out, so I invited her to a bar a few blocks from my place. She asked why that bar, and I said that they have good food and it’s close to my place if we decide we want to come back here afterwards. Again, same stories. She’s tired of dating, she’s sick of guys in their 20’s acting like children, sex with most men is boring, the list goes on. I tell her I’m into interior design, she says she wants to see my place. A half hour later she tells me she’s so glad she’s finally getting laid again.
Next day, I get a text from the doctor saying she’s bored and misses my comfy sofa. I invite her over and ask if she likes Sci Fi. She says no, so I put on the new Blade Runner to change her mind. We fuck afterwards. She tells me to text her whenever I want her to swing by. She says she likes that I made sure she had an orgasm. That is who I’m up against. That is who YOU are up against. Guys who are too fucking lazy for things like foreplay. Guys who think that vanilla missionary sex for 5 minutes is going to make her feel sexy. Guys who don’t ask what she likes and doesn’t like in bed. Guys who don’t pay attention to her noises and body. Guys that don’t know where her clit is, let alone touch it. Guys who say “nice tits” instead of SHOWING her that you like them.
Before people jump down my throat and accuse me of making this up - this was an above average weekend for me. I normally don’t put this much time into getting laid. What I did do is put myself into situations where it is possible if and when it arises. I would have been completely content with watching the band and going home. What stood out to me, however, was when the girl on Friday told me she wouldn’t have hung out with me if I had just invited her to my apartment. She liked that we actually did something fun, because these types of offers are so rare from men. When you put yourself into situations like this, you impress women and they want to be part of your life. If you actually take the time to do, say, and express that you care about and do interesting things, dating becomes easy. It becomes enjoyable. It gives you experiences that both you and the women will remember and appreciate. It makes you stand out among a sea of average and lazy morons.
I read an article a couple months ago about how Boston is the best city to be a single man in. This was factored out of a number of things, including the male-to-female ratio (many more women than men), how well educated the women are, how many women are single, and various other things a single guy would want. I can wholeheartedly say that it is filled with beautiful, intelligent, funny, and successful women. Many of them are unhappy with their dating lives, and it became very obvious why. I can break down the vast majority of men in my city into one of two categories. The first is the “Boston Sports Guy”. His entire existence and well-being are based around how well New England sports teams are doing. He wears baseball jerseys and hats when he goes out to bars, only talks about the Red Sox and Patriots, and would probably be honored to have Tom Brady fuck his girlfriend in front of him. His apartment is filled with sports memorabilia and little else. The second type is the “Cambridge Hipster”. He weighs less than the women he’s trying to sleep with, is hypersensitive about everything, wears purple converse and generic flannel like everyone else around him, and thinks that playing shitty music on a guitar is going to impress women with how deep he is. He agrees with everything women say and do, and thinks that being an overbearing nice guy will get him laid. Deep down he resents the women he pursues for constantly putting him in the friend zone. Again, this is my competition.
The guys on this sub need to calm down with the obsession over becoming “Chad”. AskTRP is flooded with questions like “what’s the alpha response here” and “is what I did beta”. Look, I get it. Guys are frustrated with dating so they blame women and compare themselves to the men that those women are fucking. Yes, it can be beneficial to mimic behaviors of people who are exceptional at something in order to improve yourself in that regard. A perfect example is watching stand-up comedy routines in order to improve your humor. That being said, reaching the top 20% in different categories does not immediately surround you with this aura that women just pick up on and want to fuck. These categories are components of a bigger machine. The majority of men are lazy, boring, and put little to no effort into the things they say and do. That is exactly why “alpha” guys stand out. Effort makes you stand out, not just the results of that effort. Giving a shit about something makes you stand out, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the best at it.
Instead of worrying about how tall you are, try to consider that the bottom 80% of men are so low effort that they barely exist in the eyes of women. You are competing with the top 20% a lot less than you probably think you are, because there simply aren’t many of them. Many of them get tied down with girlfriends and wives, and some of the men that are technically top 20% in these categories still are not dating because they don’t know how to be social. I know multiple men in the tech industry that earn well over $100k, are in decent shape, have some hobbies, and still don’t date anyone because they have no idea how to talk to women. Instead of worrying about what the alpha guys are doing and how much more they bench than you, try to keep in mind that becoming above average is incredibly easy by putting in a mediocre amount of effort into things that women notice (which are things that you should also care about anyway). Some simple things you can do to stand out among the majority of guys include:
- Good hygiene
- Matching clothes
- Furniture that isn’t disgusting
- A clean apartment
- At least one skill that can also be sexual (I learned massage and own a table)
- A career you care about, or at least working towards one
- Attending social events that are not just about drinking
- A dating profile that doesn’t have just bathroom selfies
- A social circle of people that are interesting
- Hobbies that she will want to be a part of (rock climbing for me)
That’s it. That’s what it takes to stand out. That is the bare minimum you need to make yourself attractive, and you don't even need everything on that list. I didn’t include lifting/fitness on here because that should be a given. If money is an issue, order new furniture off of WayFair (do not buy Ikea). Get a new haircut from a gay stylist, and tell him you want a masculine/clean look. If you have no fashion sense, go to an affordable but trendy clothing store and tell the girl working there that you want a new outfit to go see your friends band in, and let her pick it out for you. Take pictures of you doing things and being around people and use that on Tinder instead of a selfie. Say something other than "hey" when you message your matches. If you get nervous talking to women, then talk to them like it is one of your friends but make a note to turn the conversation sexual at some point. That is all you have to do. You don’t have to be Chad. You don’t have to be 6’5”. You don’t have to earn $300k. You don’t have to drive a Porsche.
Stop overthinking all this shit and comparing yourself to some douchebag on Instagram. Will she fuck another guy that has these things? Maybe, maybe not. Are you really going to spend your time sitting around, breaking down statistical benchmarks to try to calculate the odds of her fucking a richer guy? That is a MASSIVE waste of time and is going to drive you crazy. Just approach the girls you want to, show them a good time, and move on with it. I’ve been cheated on more than once, and I can tell you without a doubt that some of the guys were not “higher” than me on the dating scale. They just offered something I didn’t. I can’t do anything about it, but one thing I can do is enjoy the time I have with women without worrying about if and when they’re going to climb the ladder. The women I was with this weekend will at some point move on, and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. When they find new guys, I’ll find new women because there is nothing stopping me from doing so.
One of the biggest ironies I see here is when guys complain that women could have the audacity to ever want to be with a better guy, as if the guys here wouldn't do the exact same thing if they could. Are you seriously going to act like if you were a sleeping with an average girl, that you wouldn't fuck someone who looks like a model if you had the opportunity? You're just insecure because it's easier for them than it is for you. Is it fair? No, it isn't, but it is reality. Women have some things easier than men, and the opposite is also true as well. As a guy, you literally get better looking as you age and she gets worse looking. You don't menstruate once a month, and you can have a kid in your 50's with absolutely no risk to your own health or the child's. Stop complaining that one aspect of dating is easier for one sex, when plenty of other things are easier for you. You can control almost every aspect of your life that makes you attractive or ugly to the opposite sex, so stop obsessing over guys that do it better than you. Your height is not the reason you aren't getting laid, it's the fact that you're taking time out of your day complaining about your height on the internet.
I am glad the author of the “Top 20%” article put those statistics out there, but that is all that they are. Statistics. Not one of the women I slept with this weekend asked me my height or my salary. They slept with me because I put effort into things. They know I'm successful because they can SEE it when they walk into my apartment. If a woman being impressed that I clean my apartment doesn’t say enough about the current state of men in the dating scene, I don’t know what else will. Your competition is dogshit.