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Red Pill ExampleDear newcomerss, if I could make it. YOU CAN. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by jomavi12

> English is not my primary language.

Hello everybody. I have always wanted to give back the TRP community a piece of what I have become, thanks to you. And I see no better moment than this one.

I want this topic to encourage those who are still with the blue pill in the throat. I want to tell you that you must change, for your own good, and for all of those around you. Friends, family, wife/gf.... you must become the rock they all can lay on, if needed.

I want to remark: TRP is not all about banging chicks. It's about self-improvement, about inner change, about becoming mentally strong, about becoming a man.

Who I was

- Lost virginity at 20 yo. Girlfriend cheated on me afterwards. Cried, and cried. Been in depression for months.

- Til the age of 16 I couldn't even get into a supermarket alone, because I didn't know what to say to the cashier.

- I thought love would find me. I though my half orange was waiting for me, somewhere.

- I couldn't even talk to a girl without getting completly nervous.

- I would go on a date and not even try to escalate.

- I though girls who fucked strangers or kissed guys on clubs where whores.

- I thought going to the gym is a waste of time.

- I didn't read.

- I didn't meditate. I thought that was a monk thing.

- I felt special. Different from the rest, with a bright future ahead, just because it was me.

- I would break down for any harsh comment a friend, girl, or random person would make on me.

- I was a pessimist.

- I would complain of everything I disliked, as the weather.

Seriously. Who the fuck would want a date with this guy? If you see yourself in some of the statements above, then you certainly need a change in your life.

IF I COULD CHANGE, YOU CAN CHANGE

I know. If you are shy like I was, It's easy to say "go cold approach". Or if you are weak and full of complexes it's easy to say "go to the gym", but not so easy to do. But nothing good happens in the comfort zone. So you must get out of there.

Going to the gym is a must. And by that I don't mean doing gym-at-home or some shit like that. Hit the gym, lift, rest, and lift again. If you want to change, you must change from the inside and from the outside. Increasing your SMV gives you confidence. Gives you more power, and you will be much happier and less stressed.

We live in a superficial world. Your body is your product. Treat it well. Why do you think receptionists are that hot? The outside matters.

I know there is a voice inside your head remembering your every day of all of your complexes. That voice isn't you. That voice is all your past traumas, all the society standards, all the shit that could go wrong. Kill that voice. In fact, you are not your brain. Stop listening to yourself, and start talking to yourself. Force yourself and take action.

But, you can be as worked up as you want and keep being mentally weak. An inner change is needed. Becoming mentally strong will not only improve your life, but all of those around you.

As going to the gym, life is made by good habits, rather than with motivation. As motivation easily flies away, good habits can remain for a lifetime. Here are some of the most important ones. Cut your mind off when not following those.

  1. Stop complaining about everything. Why the fuck would you waste energy on complaining about the rain, or about the traffic jam. There are things that simply you can't change. Don't put your energy there.
  2. Stop feeling so special. You are just another guy. No one knows you and probably that will never change. Don't spend 1h choosing which socks fits with your tie, because no one will notice, and even if they did, they wouldn't give a fuck.
  3. Be realistic about your expectations. Following point 2. Fixing unrealistic expectations will lead to nothing good. Remember you're not special. You won't get a job and be promoted in 1 week just because 'its you'.
  4. Stop comparing yourself to others. There's no a fucking roadmap to live your life. What matters to you may not matter to someone else. Your life goals are not the same. Rather waste your energy on how to improve yourself.
  5. Don't dwell on the past. The past is gone. The present is all that matters. Stop focusing on what you could do differently, about what you should have said, about what should you have rather said than what you actually said.... man, life is too short for this shit. The past is a tool to improve the future. Learn from your mistakes.
  6. Begin with the end in mind and celebrate milestones. Whenever you need a change, begin with the end in mind. Or what it's the same; begin with you end goals in mind. I am not talking about your life goals, but with thing you want to do. Take the needed steps to get there, and celebrate your progress along the road, reward your effort.
  7. Force yourself to TALK. Force yourself to start becoming social. Talk with the grandma in the street and ask her what time is it. Talk with the cashier in the supermarket. When with friends, leave the phone in your pocket and talk. When in the club, talk with girls, talk with guys, talk with people. Becoming social will boost your confidence. Seriosuly, that's not hard to do. It's not about fucking a random girl you just met in the backseat of your car at 5 PM, its just about becoming a social guy. With everybody. AND FUCKING SMILE.
  8. Meditate. Start with 3-5 minutes a day after waking up or before going to sleep. That will make a huge impact in your life.
  9. True love is within yourself. Learn to love yourself. Do not expect any other person to fulfill you. Cut off all the Disney bullshit you have been hearing for years. Girls are cool, I love girls, and I love to speak to them, filtr with them and fuck them hard, but I DO NOT expect any girl to fulfill me. If their values are aligned with mine, they are welcome to join me on my road.

And IMO the most important tip, that has helped me the most: BE PRESENT AT THE MOMENT.

You can't change the past, and the future hasn't arrived. The present moment is all you have. Enjoy it. We live our lives thinking about what we should have done or about what will or won't do in 3 weekends. Leave your phone at home, go get a long walk and enjoy the landscape, leave your mind alone for a while.

Let me explain it like this: Imagine 200 million years ago a conversation between two dinosaurs. One of them asks: "What time is it?" and the other answers, "Well, it's now. I mean, what do you mean?". This may sound fucking stupid, but it's the reality. All we have is this moment, and this moment is the most powerful thing you'll ever have.

Our brain is our tool. If used bad, can lead to depression, anxiety, traumas, self-pity.... Think about it. We just think about the past, or about the future. We dwell on the past, and we hope on the future. Our mind don't let us be present at the moment. If you want to become mentally strong, you gotta control your mind and thoughts. You gotta see your mind from the outside and don't let her influence you too much. Whenever you find yourself being unrealistic, feeling special, complaining about something or somene, remembering how bad and harsh was your childhood... CUT IT OFF. LIFE DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. Even if you had the most fucked up childhood anyone can have, no one owes you shit.

__________________

As you can see, those things I have writen above are things that you can start doing from now.

Those small changes will make a big positive impact in your life. I am not asking you to go approach random girls on the street being a virgin or spending 3h per day at the gym if you weight 50kg. I am not telling you to do any extraordinary thing. Just small changes that will change your life forever.

I will not write about who I am now, because I want this topic to focus on the community. But I have a long way to go still, and I am excited about the road I have ahead.

THANK YOU TRP.


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[–]vicvyper04 188 points189 points  (1 child)

Brilliant read. “Stop listening to yourself, and start talking to yourself”. Probably the most profound thing I’ve read in a very long time.

Thank you.

[–]jomavi12[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the answer.

Cheers.

[–]flapjacksrbetter 15 points16 points  (27 children)

So whats the progress . What are u now?

[–]jomavi12[S] 55 points56 points  (26 children)

Besides being with 2-3 girls at a time as plates, I have developed a very strong mentality, which for me is the most important thing. My mind no longer controls me, I have become more rational, and less emotional. I have improved drastically my relation with friends, family and people around me. I have become way more social, I talk to anyone. All my complexes from the past are gone. I moved to a big city and began a new life here. I meditate every day and I read as much as I can. I hit the gym 4 times per week since 2 years now.

As I said, still a long way to go. But I can say proudly that my life has improved drastically.

[–]FirstLastMan 39 points40 points  (1 child)

For me, nothing changed my mentality more than when I was able to have multiple plates. Even though I had a lot going for me physically-- my self esteem was in the shitter my entire life. I always assumed I was a burden, that people were going me a favour by giving me their time, that I wasn't worth much more than the shit scraped from the bottom of an outhouse.

When it got to the point where I was turning plates away, or choosing which one I felt like fucking, it's as though all the RP truths coalesced at once in my head. Whatever else they say, it's them who want this, you're just giving it to them

[–]jomavi12[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree. Having an abundance mentality has bosteed my confidence in all fields of my life.

[–]flapjacksrbetter 2 points3 points  (7 children)

So u started changing at what age? How old are u now and what job u got?

[–]jomavi12[S] 11 points12 points  (6 children)

Started to change at 22. Currently 24.

[–]flapjacksrbetter 4 points5 points  (5 children)

What advice do u have for a second year college student?

[–]James_Rustler_ 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Get involved in your campus' social life. Clubs, hobbies, gym classes (yoga, kickboxing, etc.) Above all, don't spend it locked away in your room and be grateful for this incredible opportunity.

[–]jomavi12[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

u/James_Rustler_ has already answered you! I agree 100%.

[–]ExploringNewExp 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hi.

Because you just talked about campus and social life, I've got one question for you (for all of you actually) regarding the point number 7: Forcing myself to talk, on my class, on my university environment, and become more social.

Well, my situation is a bit peculiar. I'm already on my 30s and I joined university recently, also to the 2nd-3rd year (I have subjects from different levels). All my classmates know each other from the 1st year, and the groups were already formed on the first day of class. I can only assist at some subjects lessons because I work as well.

So I'm fucking isolated and ignored whenever I'm in class. Sometimes I try to ask about something about class itself, but all the convos start and end quickly, they don't look at my eyes, and their non verbal language indicates me they don't really want me to join them. They are all 20-21 years old, so maybe the age gap is something to take into account, I don't know.

I'd like to be more social whenever I go to class, rather than spending all my breaks looking at the wall or checking my smartphone. The nearest group spends the time playing with their tablets and competing against each other, but other groups of my class just walk out to the corridor and talk. I don't know what they talk about, but I'd feel like an intruder if I approached them and said "hey, hi, what are you talking about? I'm one of your classmates [creepy smile]".

So... what are my chances of becoming social in class where I'm ten years older (I don't look that much older tho), and they don't seem willing to approach me to know me? What should I do? Making friends would actually be a true confidence boost.

This is my first time posting on TRP, and wanted to post ASAP because I just read it was getting a quarantine (maybe deletion) and I still have some things to learn in order to be a better person.

[–]gELSK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

// , If you're looking for the common denominator minimums, check out Dale Carnegie's books. That shit does work.

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

// , Socialize, and take PE classes

[–]zyqkvx 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm probably going to lose you here, but..

The ONE lesson Scientology has is that bit about becoming 'clear' and not having a reactionary mind. I see this concept as a universal one, not exclusive to diabetics, but it's not talked about enough, and the way I remember it Hubbard nailed it when describing how that works. I believe that concept is what helped John Travolta, and Tom Cruse, and himself succeed.

disclaimer: Scientology is a pile of horse shit. I'm giving Hubbart one point of credit.

[–]atropoulos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buddhists have been saying this same thing for over 2000 years.

[–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (13 children)

What is your method for forcing yourself to talk? and being more social?. Overall this is the thing that is keeping me from increasing my progress. I was just like you in all the aspects you outlined. However, I still have a hard time socializing mainly because of two reasons:

  1. I feel inadequate approaching people, because I am really not interested in talking to them (or so I think) and thus I never know what to talk about and keep the conversation going.
  2. Even if I do talk, I still dont know how to be interesting, funny, charming etc.

Cheers,

[–]womans_algorithm 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Your problems come from you being focused pn yourself. "I'm not interested", "I dont know how to keep convo going", "I dont know how to be interested, charming, funny, ...". Your mentality is wrong from the start. Put focus on other person, say "i wonder what he does for a living", "i bet he does some cool sports i could learn about and start doing", "he has really cool haircut, wonder where he got it.". You see, you take the pressure off of yourself and focus on being curious about the world around you. You get out of your head and into the real world around you.

Did you know that everyone likes to talk about himself, but they dont want to listen? Dont be like them, it's boring.

[–]jomavi12[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

My method for forcing myself to talk, is forcing myself to talk. Simply as that. At this point it comes natural to me.

At the beggining I felt like you. "I am not interested on what is he/she going to say, why would I talk to her/him?". In my case, I started to talk with people I were seeing almost every day and never talked before, as the caretaker of my building, the lifeguard in the pool, the monitor of the gym... It is as easy as "Hey, how are you doing today?" and then talk about yourself as they won't probably keep the convo ongoing.

"Hey how are you doing today?". That's not weird, that's not nothing out of place. That's just being "charming" or "friendly". And even if you can't see the point beyond this, is worth it, because you will gain the habit to talk.

I really had a bad time with oral presentations at University. Now I love them, I love to talk in public, because I have made talking an habit for myself, and habits remain.

If you want to talk to girls, I usually do it at night, in a club atmosphere. I don't even talk sometimes, I just say "come here" and talk some shit. The less rational the better. But to do that, you may want to start with baby steps as talking to people who are "more close" to you, or you feel like there is "less risk".

RSD videos on Youtube helped me a lot on this matter though. And there are some amazing TRP threads.

[–]Ihatemoi 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Thank you I will force myself to talk then. Another question, how do you give up the expectations on the outcome of the conversation, I cant help but think that every interaction must cause the other person to laugh, and that gives me a little anxiety.

Probably it is ingrained in my desire to perform at my best, even when socializing. How do you stop that inner voice?, if you ever had it.

[–]jomavi12[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Of course I have heard that voice, and of course I have been exactly where you are now.

Do not expect anything back from any interaction. If you talk to a girl and she doesn't give you her number, that's okay. You already won by just trying. That may sound stupid, but yes you won, you are now one step forward to your goal (becoming more social), and the second time you try, won't be as hard as the first one, an so on.

When I'm in a club, I have been rejected so many times. Long ago, when a girl didn't want to dance with me, I felt bad inside and it would destroy my night. That's stupid. You gotta grow a IDGAF attitude in those scenarios. It's stupid to punish yourself for such a silly thing. Makes no sense, there are 200 other girls in that club.

I am focusing here on girls because I guess it won't be that hard for you to talk with a 45yo man in a bar, for example.

[–]Ihatemoi 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you so much for all your experience and insights. One more thing. Promise me, the more I talk to more people, the easier it gets to talk and the better I will become at sociallizing and keeping a conversation going.

I really need to believe in the process in itself, but is reassuring to know that, all that effort and akwardness is worth it at the end.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The more you practise something, the better you get. Not only with social skills but with everything in life.

[–]gELSK 1 point2 points  (5 children)

// , Have you ever read any books about it?

[–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (4 children)

No I havent, I have heard that Carnegies book on how to influence people and make friends is extremelly helpful. I have not bought it tho.

[–]gELSK 2 points3 points  (3 children)

// , Ask yourself, in emotional and even in financial terms, how valuable are improved social skills to me?

"How much would I pay for access to that?"

No need to even buy it, since your local library probably has a copy. A lot of the advice seems hokey, but it works.

[–]Ihatemoi 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Social skills are extremelly valuable to me, I have ALWAYS wanted to be social and make friends easy. Not having friends and not being likeable to people, sucks ass big time.

I will read the book and see if I improve in some key aspects.

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (1 child)

// , It'll also help you get laid.

[–]Ihatemoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No even need to mention it.

[–]viraltrace 13 points14 points  (2 children)

i honestly don't think you're a hard case. some days i think about how many people actually have to fail in order to produce a success story like yours. I mean imagine putting your whole life towards this and never succeeding.

[–]jomavi12[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What is success for you? Having a great job? Growing up a lovely family? Earning tons of money? Growing a lot of good relationships?

I encourage you to write your own Mission Statement. So you will begin with the end in mind, and the steps you have to take will become more clear to you.

Mine is not a sucess story. Anyone can do that, really. Check who I was a time ago. My story is the story of someone who has improved his life by inner change mostly. And an inner change is possible for anyone since it's inside you. Your background can make it more difficult to you to evolve, but since that change doesn't depend on any other person but you, it is completly plausible.

[–]gELSK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

// , Each small step was an incremental game. He was 'succeeding' from the start, not after some critical "100 TRP points, yay success" threshold was reached.

[–]Shooter-Mcgavinn 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Great post. I feel like discipline is a better word than good habits tho. It implies doing what needs to be or has to be done no matter what. Just a suggestion since engl. isnt primary.

[–]James_Rustler_ 9 points10 points  (1 child)

He's right about habits. You don't have to think about habits because you're so used to it. It takes very little effort for me to engage in a habit. Discipline and habits are two separate things. It takes discipline to stick with your habits, and motivation to create them.

[–]Shooter-Mcgavinn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Id argue discipline is still the key word. Not everyone want to get up and workout quit smoking, drugs etc. It takes discipline to make change improve etc. You have to do it and stick to it all the time, improve, ever vigilant, keep frame etc. Motivation may start you, discipline is key. But I also see your point and incorporating all of them is good for such a post, I was just suggesting a concise word that i thought fit better than the phrase he had. I feel its THE foundation to this.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 7 points8 points  (4 children)

IF I COULD CHANGE, YOU CAN CHANGE

I was a trainwreck, I got my shit together. Many other ECs too, probably. We wouldn't need any internet discussion forum to write about basic social things if we weren't ones in the first place.

"If I can change, you can too"... I doubt it. Many people lack determination or other required character traits... or don't want to implement anything required. Most people want the magic pill so they can continue wallowing in the mud. Example: diabetics and insulin.

[–]jomavi12[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

As I said above. Background can make the change more difficult, but at the end an inner change is possible, since it just depends on you.

Character traits and determination are things you can implement in your life. I know guys who were smoking pot every single day, without work, living with their parents until 30. Now they do marathons, they are happily married and out of these bad habits.

Forcing yourself to get out of your comfort zone is a big step into this.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 1 point2 points  (2 children)

On some level it is. But it is deeper.

We found salvation, be it TRP, AA, NoFap, StopGaming, Jesus, GLO, whatever rocks your boat.

There are many who won’t. There are many who will not be able to find salvation even if it knocked on their door.

[–]jomavi12[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Most of those guys don't even want to change. Being in the comfort zone is very confortable.

But I get your point.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree.

My point was that I don’t think we control everything in our lives. Of course this is my choice what I put in my mouth. For a long period of time in my past I lived unhappily, being addicted to sugar and booze and I was not exactly aware to an idea that I’m hurting myself by doing that.

Why did I stop, why I was searching for enlightenment? I have no idea. But I did and I persisted and here I am.

[–]rigbed 7 points8 points  (1 child)

There are plenty of good-looking men who are still very insecure.

In my case, I do not consider myself good-looking per se, but I am still someone who still deals with being self-conscious.

I am too worried about everything I don’t have in place; such as my image, balding, housing situation, living with my parents until 27, not having a graduate degree, and not feeling financially stable.

Of all what is mentioned, I do a lot of self-deprecating which transferred into my personal and dating life. It affects me, no matter how I gauge it. Its something I am not happy with, and I can’t expect my dating life to excel if I am struggling with my personal life.

I would toss it up to men not feeling adequate enough to bring someone into their circle when they feel incapable.

The best solution towards this, is focusing on yourself. Again, men who focus on getting women, do just that.

They buy books, read Quora answers, look for advice on reddit, and do everything besides taking a chance. For me, I found myself feeling insecure because I wanted a woman who made me happy, but never invested in myself.

By doing Salsa (dance), I have opened a part of me I would have never have discovered if I didn’t learn to invest in my own happiness. And by default, women are interested in learning about me because I am happy, and it shows. I can finally smile, and feel like I have a purpose in living.

Instead of actively looking for a woman, I have learned to let women (and men) in my life who make it better. Being desperate for female attention is not okay, and its a dark place to be in.

[–]jomavi12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are right.

Sometimes we want to start building the house from the top. It is a harh true but, not everyone in this life deserves to be succesful. Investing in yourself is the key. If you don't take the time and courage to change yourself from the inside, the outside perception of yourself won't change neither.

[–]cretnikg 3 points4 points  (10 children)

Til the age of 16 I couldn't even get into a supermarket alone, because I didn't know what to say to the cashier.

How did you overcome this "what to say" problem? I think I'm in a very similar situation right now, as I was always a more quiet guy.

[–]jomavi12[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children)

By acknowleging that I am not the center of the universe. By knowing that 5 seconds after I would leave the supermarket that girl won't ever remember me.

And by forcing myself to talk. Even if I didn't want to. I would go to a bar and start a small talk with anyone sitting next to me. An easy example: There was a football a match on TV, and I'd just say "who is playing better?, I just got to the bar."

That's so easy to say. And sounds stupid, but it works. I learnt to become social just by forcing myself to interact with random folks.

[–]cretnikg 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'm aware of IDGAF attitude and trying to implement it. I was raised in a small town and taught to say 'Hi' to people. I do that, but after that, my mind goes blind and I can't come up with things to say.

I'm coming up with the idea, that my problem is not living in the present moment. So far I haven't been able to find a solution for that.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm from a small town too, 600 population. We do the "Hi" thing too :d

As for your problem. Read 'The Power of Now'.

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

// , If you're looking for something specific to start with, just try asking someone on the street for directions to the nearest coffee shop, or saying hi to a homeless guy.

[–]xenigala 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Make a list of situations that give you trouble and write down responses. What do you say when someone says "How are you?" or "Where are you from?" or "Do you want a receipt?" You should have automatic responses to these sort of questions. Then role-play out loud with a friend or by yourself. Make a recording and listen to yourself talking, you probably sound a lot better than you think.

Even if you "mess up", the other person probably doesn't care. Just keep practicing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try going to a coffee shop or somewhere casual/not super busy and just ask the person behind the register "how's your day going?". Sometimes you will get one word responses, other times you will be surprised how much people open up. I've had the most 'couldn't be bothered' looking hipster light up and had a nice back and forth. I've also made friends I've gotten drinks with from just asking this. It's low pressure, easy to remember, sometimes leads to easy conversation, and puts you a bit more in a state of feeling social.

[–]2virusofthemind 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You need to change your frame of reference and it's easy to do.

If you're nervous it's because you're focusing on your internal state and by doing so you create a feedback loop which makes it worse.

Your reference state is internal.

Instead; focus on the person you've approached and observe them when either of you are speaking. There's a part of the brain called the "reticular activation system" and what it does is decide which information to boot up to your cognitive functions for analysis.

Some things aren't important (like the ticking of the clock in the background as you read this or the hum of your computer) so they're deleted from the information stream entering your brain. Now that I've mentioned these, no doubt you can hear them and are aware of them. This is because your consciousness is guiding your attention towards them.

The funny thing is: When you guide your conscious brain towards something the rest of your brain becomes interested in what and why you're looking at this and shunts other incoming sensory information into "null zone".

If you're focusing on (say a cashier) then your brain deletes your incoming state of anxiousness as it considers your subject of attention to be more worthy of full attention and the "anxiousness" something to be booted to the bottom of your attention stream.

The trick is to "observe" not just "look". Looking implies a passive state, whilst observing is a type of analysis involving far more brain areas.

When I was younger and just learning PUA I was pretty much ok chatting to women, but if I was chatting with a whip smart HB10 I could feel the anxiety creeping slowly up from my stomach, and it usually didn't end well (Tip. I saw myself as the selected in these cases and not the "selector": Big difference).

However. At this time I had come across a body language discipline called FACS. FACS stands for "facial action cues" which are millisecond movements to the facial muscles which indicate a person's real emotional state. Now FACS are hard as fuck to spot and require a great deal of practise (there's a training video out there on the web somewhere but I've lost the link, sorry guys) and at the time I really pushed my observational attention up to the max and the previously unconquered HB10s were the subject of the most attention as I suspected the FACS technique were the key to the castle in this case.

The strange thing was though: I was so focused on observing the woman my anxiety with the ultra hot disappeared.

TL;DR Focus on things outside you instead of inside.

https://study.com/academy/lesson/reticular-activating-system-definition-function.html

https://imotions.com/blog/facial-action-coding-system/

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

// , "Hey, I couldn't help but notice your shoes. They look cool. Are those for basketball?"

"Hi, I saw you had a history book. Are you taking classes, or looking into it on your own? I am only asking because I have an interest in that subject."

Remark on situational things, and read books on basic social skills. Dale Carnegie's books are a good start.

[–]xenigala 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is mostly good advice. But if you have past traumas and/or childhood issues (probably lots of the people here), it's not so healthy to just "kill that voice".

You could, for example, try setting aside time to process this stuff (like a weekly therapy meeting, or writing in a journal, or talking with a trusted friend). And the rest of the time if these thoughts and feelings come up, you could just notice them for what they are, try to have compassion for your past self (as you would for a friend or your own child), and tell yourself you can work on this at your set time.

[–]jomavi12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By killing that voice I mean that you have to learn to control your mind. A destroyed mind is the most self-destructive thing in the universe. Your past will always be there, but past is a tool to improve your current self. Do not judge your past, do not let him affect the present moment. Because if you are too busy thinking about the past, you can't make a change in the present.

[–]1SirKolbath 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Brilliantly said and brilliantly written. For a guy who says that English isn’t his first language, you killed it.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you.

Appreciate your comment!

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

// , I get the impression that you wrote from the heart.

[–]NomBok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd disagree with the "don't do gym at home" thing. All I've got is a pair of adjustable dumbbells, a bench, and a pullup bar, and I'm in the best shape of my life so far. Will I outgrow them? Sure, but when starting out, I think the key is reducing the 'activation energy' required to start a workout. If you never worked out regularly before, it's a lot easier to do so if you only have to go into the other room. Then once you get to a point where you need to lift heavier than what you can do at home, you'll probably already be in a groove where going to the gym is easy.

[–]punkrockfishboy 4 points5 points  (4 children)

This is total sidebar material. I'm 31, and been doing calisthenics, eating better, being debt free, and I still suck with girls. I just seen a few whores to see how sex really is. It's not all that great. I read Roosh V's book "Game", and it gave me total perspective. A lot of beta men who put women on the pedestal are really telling them that the women are too good for them. Some women will flake/friendzone/etc..... but enough rambling about this shit. Just find happiness in yourself. Now that I'm 31, I am looking to move to Dallas in the next year to probably go to trade school, figure out how to make more money, to travel to different countries. Do interesting shit. Learn a different language or some shit. Hell, you can use a language someone else doesn't understand to your advantage.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I wish you the best in this new adventure. I think you are doing the right thing.

[–]EveryGodDamnDay 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Consider the notion that paid sex with a whore may not really be as good as it gets. Its an orgasm with a busty robot. Take that whore money and spend it on yourself: upgrade your wardrobe, fix your teeth, hire a coach for whatever skill you want, have experiences you can actually talk about with other people. Then have sex with real women, and consider then whether sex is still "not so great."

[–]punkrockfishboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only thing is that I want to do better things because I want to, not to have sex or relationships with women. I will never put women on a pedestal ever again. I got to focus on making more money to be able to travel comfortably (as well as budgeting to fix my appearances), focus on finding enjoyable hobbies that are not video games, and maybe learning new languages as it's pretty much required for traveling to some other countries.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

[–]jomavi12[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand your point. And yes, I think I didn't really wrote it properly.

What I wanted to say is that you don't have to feel special in a way that the world or someone owes you anything. Or focusing to much on getting the complicity from the rest of the world when you're just inexistent to them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

BE PRESENT AT THE MOMENT.

This only possible when you know what presence means, and yes that means avoiding the mind in the past and fearing the future.

Which is what anxiety(future) and depression(past) is

I will write something up eventually, but we're all on that path, try and be less of a cunt

IF I COULD CHANGE, YOU CAN CHANGE

I advise trying to limit the poison in your life, live a life that is normal, that is worth living.

breakfast routine

excercise system

limit poison in your mind and your body

learn learn learn.

stop being a little bitch.

some of us are born with genetic problems and STILL manage to get laid.

[–]jomavi12[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'd love to read what you want to write. I am really attached to this topic.

Cheers

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am myself bro, i'm not completely there on the path but continual self improvement has done so much wonders for me in the past year, it's just keeping on that path as much as possible!

[–]ZigzagLumen 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The present moment stuff resonates Tolle's The Power of Now, which I will always recommend to anyone. It's an incredible read.

Good job on the progress. I've made improvements from where I was but still not satisfied.

Just got to keep at it.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes you are right. An stunning read.

[–]kril89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A saying i've always said

"If your are too busy regretting the past, worrying about the future, you'll never enjoy the present"

[–]troutmask96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think "stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself", as clunky as it at first sounds, is a fascinating mantra. As Tolle eloquently writes, our mind is a very destructive force when left to its own devices.

[–]DisciplineOverDrive 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This is an excellent post but could you please tone down the shocking and highly offensive content a little bit?

[–]Sekaiwoshiro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the idea that you're the product and you're also the CEO is very profounding to me. that's why it's called the Sexual Marketplace. practically everything is a market, and everything is about value, including you as a person. Improving yourself means making yourself a better product in the marketplace.

Thank you, this was very insighful.

[–]BluBlac59 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Self awareness is the first step in improving oneself. My father died when I was 6. I was a very good reader at a young age. I joined the Marines at 18 and bought my first house at 25. I am now 60. There was no Red Pill then. I was just doing what I thought guys were supposed to do. I had a friend living with me for awhile and he couldn't believe the amount of women in my life. I was plateing them in the 80s. I like what you are doing here. It feels like a brotherhood of sorts. Good luck to all of you on your Red Pill journey. You are not alone. Most of the things that are talked about here happened in my life. Losing a house and money, false accusations. Plenty of threats to my life and safety. Never fulfilled. I am now married to a younger woman and we are considered the best looking couple just about everywhere we go. So you can have fun and survive the bullshit then live well. Once again Good Luck to all of you. Living well IS the best revenge.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Butterflies and hurricanes...

A single flap of a butterfly's wings on one side can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world.

Just like that, small changes and minor choices will impact your entire life in the long term.

[–]Gl0weN 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Fuck all this gym advice the only people complimenting on my gains are other guys

Most of the time your body dont matter to girls just lift for yourself

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course. You gotta work for yourself, not for girls. Fat fucks with enough frame and confidence get laid too. But this doesn't mean you'll have more confidence to get girls If you percive yourself as a higher value man, thus you have worked and invested in yourself.

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (2 children)

// , "Mens sana in corpore Sano" is another wise reason to work out.

But women do appreciate a man's body, make no mistake.

[–]Gl0weN 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They might appreciate it but I never heard a girl compliment it. Like I said it mostly comes from guys which is just..

[–]gELSK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

// , Women tend to communicate about physical things, like attraction or sexual interest, in non-explicit ways.

Appreciation of someone's physique is one of those. No girl who isn't liquored up will tell a guy "Wow, I can see you work out!"

At least, not in the West, where they'll get shamed for saying shit like that by their progressive friends.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

doing gym-at-home or some shit like that is better than nothing.

[–]HedoNNN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the pep talk. Thanks.

[–]ethbytes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" I felt special. Different from the rest, with a bright future ahead, just because it was me. "

I felt real sorrow at this statement, the most destructive thought that can be placed in a "weak malleable" mind. Nothing moves from that point, and why should it? Just wait and it will come to me just wait some more while piling on pounds and gaining lethargy. The "flower people" at Colleges worked in demonstrate this, with the aide of legislation it has left me with a low hope for the future...

[–]LoveYourNeighbor3848 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post. Although its lacking in misogyny. The admins will be hearing about this.

[–]valrykie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Great read. Im 16 now and was wondering what your life would have looked like when you never did any of these things. Were you obese? Video game Addict? Slacker in school? I am curious because I want to further myself as fast as best as I can. Any advice would be much appreciated Aswell.

[–]jomavi12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey bro.

I wasn't obese, but yes I spent the day playing video games. I was as I descrived above. I didn't like social situations, I liked to be alone and wanted to live in a small town. Really moving to a big city was the best decision I have ever made. Because I forced myself to do so.

You are very young. My advice is that you may want to start growing good habits, specially social habits. But you still have to learn, you have to suffer, bad situations will come as they come to everyone, and the more prepared you are for those, the better.

Enjoy life as much as you can, that's what you have to do right now. Being in this community and engaged to this topics is something most of guys on your age do not have, so you are one step above of them already.

[–]Seripha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How should this meditate look you feel?

[–]removed_deleted 0 points1 point  (1 child)

saved this, thanks. what are your book recommendations?

[–]OSaraiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone still on his journey, i appreciate your comment as something very true and that should be remembered quite often.

As so, i was wondering how the area you live in influences your development, or change. Rural areas / small towns or cities, and how a new environment in general might help or force you to develop.

[–]Mrkzmn7pnt62 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you I really needed this. Awesome man. Great read

[–]jomavi12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks Buddy.

I hope it helps!

[–]Greek-God-Brody 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I stopped reading at "Lost virginity at 20". (the redpill version of "Hey guys, Chad here, you just gotta be confident, girls love confidence")

[–]jomavi12[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Doesn't make any sense at all, plus yo are not adding any value to the community with such an answer.