TL:DR - Women can't help you deal with pain. Most often they're in it, and they're dumping it on you. A man will be fully in a beta frame when he succumbs to guilt and self pity, and she'll loathe you all the more for it. Instead, understanding what pain is, how it works and how to deal with it, opens the door to true abundance and freedom. And when you hold frame in your own pain, she'll have to snap out of hers eventually.
INTRO - The Problem
I picked this one right out of the FB comments of an activist involved with #metoo, to show what women really feel about beta behaviours : "... Men and boys are not required to hate themselves. Shame and self-hate don’t help anyone else. They don’t make you a better person, or a better man, or even a better fuck. In fact, more often than not, hating yourself gets in the way of exactly the sort of rapid positive change we need right now. We’ve all met people who are so enamored by their own self-loathing that it’s actually pretty difficult to talk to them about small everyday things they might have got wrong. They’re so invested in thinking that they are a bad person that they are unable to become a better one.
Self-hatred makes people selfish. It deserves compassion, but not indulgence. Women — and I’m sorry to have to break this to you — are not put on this earth to make men feel better about how inherently awful they are. Most of us would prefer the men in our lives to stop wallowing and get on with being a little bit more considerate than they were yesterday, because that is what it means to grow the fuck up ..."
Let's ignore her "advice", take a step back, and see what's really going on. "Inherently awful" -- sums up what she really thinks about betas in a nutshell. So much so that she finds helping them repulsive. If it were an alpha that she looks up to, he'd be "Inherently great".
Think about that the next time your girlfriend or SO wants you to feel sorry. If you're thinking that a show of guilt and tears and repentance and apologies have convinced her to respect you -- please, think again. And if you think women can help you and advise you properly on how to be a man, think again. This woman practically admitted she is disgusted to fix a beta with poor self esteem and weakness - it's not her job. The takeaway - Women find betas inherently awful, stay disgusted by betas even when they're trying to improve - the very idea is repulsive to them. They give more BP advice to men who don't get it - as though subconsciously desiring to weed them out.
A switch needs to flip in her perception before she can start respecting you.
Women also don't quite get the idea of a man that is made and forged from zero. They care only about the finished product and feel that what they see is how it has always been. It's almost like a magic show - the audience doesn't know how hard the magician worked to get it right.
PART 2 - Solution
So let's look at dealing with pain as men should. If you've ever watched a Navy Seals training video, this one phrase is most often repeated by the instructor, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." -- every time he feels a recruit's mind is beginning to slip. You feeling pity and sorry for yourself matters nothing to a woman who's only feeling rage to you and in that moment only wants validation for her rage. My own ex wanted me to apologize all the time over and over because it validated her ego again and again, but every apology increased her contempt for me further and further.
And while this woman's doing this, she just made no secret of her utter contempt of beta behaviours and men's displays of weak emotions and the fact that she needs to tell men how to be men. No, she wants a strong man who'll do what is naturally masculine -- i.e. self improvement. But she can't define that and walk you through the door. She can only react to it. And nope, women aren't here to make you feel better (at least make beta men feel better). Love and hate seem to turn the same woman into two different personalities with two different frames and sets of beliefs and choice of words and behaviours. Her emotions are that powerful.
And speaking of pain, here are a few pointers on dealing with pain, from my own experience :
When in pain, she ain't looking for reasons or apologies. Her only reality that moment is pain and that's all she wants - to seethe in it. If you've read Eckhart Tolle's concept of the Pain Body (ok I'm going elsewhere for just a sec, but the man's made a very significant point), an important take away you'll observe is that when she's in pain, all she wants to do is to inflict more pain in return and she just wants an opening. That's why apologizing very rarely works once she's worked up. John Gray described the same phenomenon when he talked about "Women are like waves".
Nothing triggers and keeps a woman inside her pain and negative emotions like betas do. That's in fact why women find the ideas of betas improving very repulsive at an emotional level. And this - very few things in life will trigger a man's pain the way women do, especially when women are in pain.
Pain is what keeps a person's mind restless for some sort of stimulation or the other when the mind could just relax and be at ease when it's not needed. Pain is what drives procrastination, distraction. Every pleasure addiction you can think of (all of which fall under beta behaviours) - video games, TV, the internet, drugs, alcohol, porn -- every one of them is an attempt to numb this pain that stops the mind of a man from being at ease. In other words, not being at ease, is a disease (that's the meaning of the word!!)
When a woman is in her pain, nothing that you do is gonna help. Doing won't work. If a man isn't alert and aware of what's happening, he will be sucked into her frame. Your job then, is to get out of your own pain and touch the dimension of being -- the zone.
In fact one of the best things one can ever do for alpha-ness and holding frame as a man is to be aware of this pain arising in yourself and avoid getting lost in your emotions. That's how stoicism fundamentally works. This is also part of the reason why a strong man can snap a woman out of her hissy fits. It puts you consciously in the driver's seat of your own mind. Only snapping out of your own pain can allow her to enter into your frame, which in turn gets her out of her own pain.
When pain has loosened it's grip, one can sit in peace needing none of the addictions - the need for drama is gone. That's when your mental potential is finally truly free - free to stop feeling sorry and angry at yourself, living the victim life, chasing happiness and convincing yourself all the time that you're not happy, and giving you the inner freedom to push yourself to your limits and beyond. Now doing 'unpleasant' stuff isn't a problem for you, cause you know you can be just fine without the dopamine drip. Now you're free to do anything. At this point, you don't really need that hose anymore, so you become more outcome independent. This is the foundation for true abundance.
And by the way, this FB comment is not from America, it's from India. The whole country is lit up like a signboard on google search results stats for metoo and harassment in the past few days - there's more metoo going on in every state and city there than the rest of the world combined and virtually everyone from politicians to that guy next door is facing #TimesUp. It's almost like the country's overrun with betas and a lot of men preying on women in any subordinate position, and even children and minors, both genders!
And the truth is, that in conservative countries, most of the men WILL be beta or even gamma - with very poor understanding of the game of attraction. They will try to get their needs met through very covert ways that will creep women out and which, if you know what abuse is like or have at least read about it, cause severe pain and trauma to whoever's at the receiving end. If there was ever a reason to be alpha, it's the sheer pain and fuck ups that beta behaviours bring into your own life, and the lives of everyone else in your life. These guys really are cowards underneath that Nice Guy facade. The SJWs therefore have unlimited fuel to keep their imperatives burning, and won't stop until all these betas and gammas are weeded out.
A lot of my friends have written to me also -- and it was always a case of Nice Guy facade covert contract, abuse of power and beta and gamma game involved.
Beta men have no way of dealing with pain or finding healthy ways to fulfil their needs, therefore they end up creating more and more of pain, until eventually the women enter into a frame of pain themselves (this is what's going on underneath feminism). To be alpha means getting past pleasure and pain, and in the presence of alpha behaviour, the women enter into a frame where they can be feminine again. Even at the global level, women enter into your frame and behave accordingly.
If anything, this is yet another example of why Nice guys aren't really so nice or why religious societies are a hotbed of hushed up sex scandals. The contempt for these nice guy betas when their sexuality comes out in disturbing fashion can be felt like a physical object.
And this is double caution for people in conservative countries - while acting old fashioned on the outside, a lot of stuff happens covertly (just like the Nice Guy issues spoken of by Dr. Glover). Attraction proceeds in stages, skip any and you're in for trouble. A man has to be direct, and he must develop abundance and shrug off failures and rejections, instead of wallowing in rage and pity. Text game is a waste of time and a dangerous game in conservative societies, even if it's your GF, when she's turned against you, every word you write can and would be used against you down the road. And if she's really fallen for you, she must be the one writing the dirty talk, far more than you. Your silent action as an alpha is more powerful than a million words of a beta.