Summary: Women hide their sexual sides from men they like out of fear. If you can make a woman feel accepted, without any expectations or judgment, she will show you her true, sexual self, and thank you for the opportunity.
A story as old as time, or at least as old as the 21st century: a woman spends her 20s partying and having some quantity of casual sex, that quantity ranging from moderate to absolutely jaw-dropping. Around age 28-32, she’s had enough of the party life and wants to get more serious with a special guy. She takes things slower with him. They have a mediocre but not incredible sex life. That’s okay with her, because she loves him for other reasons. He wouldn’t mind a little more sex, but he’s happy to have a devoted girlfriend who’s good to him. Then he finds out that before she met him, she was a very, very busy girl. He shits his pants, because he thought he was dating a good girl, and it turns out she’s a slut. He has no idea how he could have missed the signs or how she could have fooled him so thoroughly. Worse, he has no idea why she wanted to fool him in the first place. Why would she want him to think she’s less sexual than she really is? Shouldn’t she want to be sexual with her serious boyfriend as much or more than she wanted to with casual guys?
In modern times, sexuality has become pretty fucked up.
Men and women are both sexual creatures. Women especially. Women think about sex a lot more often than we’re led to believe they do. Women masturbate. Women watch porn. Also, since finding guys willing to fuck them comes pretty easily, women have casual sex. A lot of casual sex. Why masturbate when they have willing partners?
Most women you’ve met have done things that would make your jaw drop if you knew. If you’ve never gotten a blowjob in your car from a woman on her lunch break from work, you don’t know women.
The number of women who like their hair pulled during sex, being spanked, being choked, having their arms pinned, being shoved against walls, being fucked hard (and I mean hard - whatever you think is hard, they like it twice as rough as that) – it’s staggering. Women love exploring. They love fun, playful sex. They love dirty, slutty sex. They love to feel desired, sexy, sexual, and even a little slutty. In the right context.
The thing is, when a woman really lets her sexual side show, that’s a very vulnerable time for her. She doesn’t want to be rejected. Worse, she doesn’t want to be judged.
That’s why the woman in our story as old as time hides her sexual side from her serious partner. She wasn’t less attracted to him than she was to her casual partners. If anything, she was more attracted to him, which is why she worked so hard to pretend to be a good girl to keep him. She wasn’t trying to con him. Not really.
She just didn’t want him to look at her differently.
She was afraid that if she let her sexual side show and was as dirty and slutty as she likes to be, he wouldn’t look at her the same way. She was afraid to be vulnerable in that way for him.
A lot of women, feminists, and blue pilled guys would shout at this man and tell him that he has no right to feel the way he feels, or to judge her, and that he has major insecurities. In truth, he probably does feel a bit insecure. But the man in our story isn’t concerned with his own insecurities. He’s concerned with hers. He’s with a woman who feels like she needs to hide herself from him and pretend she’s something she’s not. He’s not worried that his girlfriend is going to suddenly leave him to go hook up with guys in bars again. He’s worried that he’s spent the past however long they’ve been together not knowing the real her, while she’s felt like she needs to hide her sexual self from him.
She’s the insecure one. Why is she hiding her sexuality from him?
He didn’t judge her. He never had the chance to judge her. She didn’t give him that chance. She was the one that judged him. She judged him as someone she couldn’t be vulnerable with.
It’s really a fucked up situation. Women are afraid to be vulnerable for their serious partners. But when they meet a fun guy for a hook-up that they’re not going to see again, they can really let go and be themselves. They can be forward and fun and flirty and dirty and sexual and slutty, and it doesn’t matter because they don’t care if they see this guy again. A woman will be more vulnerable for a stranger than she will for her husband. A woman will be more true to herself and her sexuality with a guy she meets off of Tinder and never sees again than with her serious boyfriend.
When women are more vulnerable – more intimate – with strangers than with their serious partners, this causes them to separate love from sex. When a woman doesn’t want to date a guy but she’s horny, she’ll let her true self show and go home with him an hour after meeting him so he can bend her over her bed and ram her from behind while yanking on her hair, then finish on her tits. And she’ll enjoy the hell out of it. But if she really likes someone, she will be less eager and less enthusiastic about having sex with him, because she has trained herself over the past decade to treat love and sex as completely separate entities. Somebody she really likes earns missionary sex after romancing her for three dates, but never gets to see her true, sexual self.
Despite how evil we would like to believe women are, this isn’t always a mercenary act of manipulation, done to trick guys they’re not attracted to into commitment. This is primarily a defensive mechanism, born out of fear, not malice. She’s afraid. Love and sex are separate for her because being her true, sexual self is vulnerable. If she’s her true, sexual self with a loved one, she’s afraid he won’t look at her the same way.
Obviously, as Red Pill men, we want to be the kind of guy for whom women show their true sexuality, rather than the kind of guy who gets misled. There are two ways to approach this.
First, you can become the kind of guy who is sexy, but that women don’t want to date.
We focus a lot on this first approach. Hitting the gym, improving our social, professional, and recreational lives, being fun and interesting, demonstrating confidence and value, but also bantering, being cocky, aloof, uninvested, and a bit of an asshole. Challenging women to earn our attention. We become the perfect guy for a hook-up. Someone hot and fun, but someone that a woman wouldn’t want to date seriously.
Second, you can become the kind of guy that women trust not to judge them. Someone they’re comfortable being vulnerable with.
We don’t focus as much on this second approach. How to get a woman to really feel comfortable and open up for you sexually. How to get a woman to trust you with her vulnerability, as she lets go and gives you 100 percent of her true, sexual self. This one is a little bit harder, because for that to happen, a woman needs to trust in your ability to love and connect with someone, without judgment or expectation. A woman needs to trust in your sense of acceptance.
There’s a threshold a man who knows the game can eventually cross, where he passes from being knowledgeable at the game, even skilled at it, to accepting the game. He reaches a point where he’s no longer playing the game against women, or for women, or to get women, but is instead playing the game with women, together. Whatever happens, whatever a woman is like, it’s all good. It’s not that he doesn’t care. It’s that he accepts, perhaps even appreciates, each woman for who she is.
That is the man who can fuck a woman into oblivion, treat her like his dirty little slut, and when the sex is over, she will snuggle against his chest and thank him, and feel closer to him than she’s ever felt to another man.
Accepting women, without judgment or expectation, and giving them the space to be as dirty, slutty, and sexual as they are, will lead to the truest connections, the greatest amount of intimacy, and the best sex. If you can be that guy, you will know a woman better and more intimately than her future husband ever will. You will see the real her, while her husband sees only the mask she wears for him.