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It has been said that a woman would rather share a high quality man than have a low quality man all to herself. This is not a statement born of lengthy life experience. In real life, a woman may temporarily accept your divided attention but she will gradually use every tool she can to claw her way to being your one and only.

Hypergamy is a fundamental TRP principle, but this sub wrongly focuses on half of the story of female hypergamy. A woman wants a high quality man. End of story? Negative. A woman wants the dedication of a high-quality man.

Emotional Conquest:

It has been said, wisely, that your primary source of power with a woman (particularly in modern society), is your attention. The woman that seduces you with nightly blowjobs and the woman that threatens to take your kids away are the same woman - they are simply using different tools or circumstances for the same goal - to make herself the center of your mental and emotional universe.

Consider every movie, novel, or song marketed for women. The common thread is the same. You are my world.

It is imperative for men to understand and internalize that every interaction you have with a woman is governed by an overarching prime directive: emotional conquest***.***

Understanding this fundamental psychological motivation is more important than any other RP theory. You can become a fat, lazy slob that plays Candy Crush all day and your girlfriend/wife might scream at you and cheat on you, but if you don't give a fuck about her leaving, she will never break up with you. A woman's desire for emotional conquest is her biggest motivator, more so than the desire for a high-quality mate. And once she achieves it, no amount of SMV is going to save you.

Likewise, raising your SMV without understanding this motivation is about as smart as wearing antlers in the woods in November. You are better off becoming a fat Candy Crush addict, than updating your wardrobe, lifting some weights, and getting charged with rape for dumping a girl.

Some Theory:

Social psychologists have observed that relationship anxiety occurs at different times for men and women. For men, they are most obsessed with a romantic prospect before sexual intimacy. For women, the anxiety occurs after sexual intimacy. Most men will have at least some experience with how clingy women get after you bed them.

But if women are anxious to maintain the relationship, why do we have female infidelity and divorce rape? This flies in the face of our cultural understanding of female pair bonding. The usual TRP explanation (hypergamous branch-swinging) is lacking; while this may describe behaviors on an evolutionary scale, evolutionary forces don't express themselves so directly in individual organisms. You aren't thinking about kids when you want to fuck a woman are you? Procreation and polygyny are the evolutionary frameworks that crafted male sexual desire, but, psychologically, men just want to fuck. Likewise, the framework of hypergamy does not make women perfect SMV-calculating supercomputers. In service to the framework of hypergamy, evolution has crafted women with a more primitive motivation: the need to emotionally conquer men.

If men are driven toward sexual conquest and lose interest after it is achieved, women are driven by emotional conquest and lose interest after it is achieved. Internalizing that a woman's interaction with you is ultimately a path toward conquest (and everything that concept usually entails) will allow you to better understand and navigate your relationships with women.

Understanding Blue Pill failure:

Understanding the psychological motivation for conquest makes many TRP observations even more readily digestible than the usual discussion of hypergamy.

Why does the cross-fit guy or rich dude still get cheated on? Women care more about emotional conquest than the notions of SMV that men will readily respect.

Why do women allow narcissistic losers to treat them like shit? The social/emotional challenge is how women are programmed to experience reality, a woman's desire to win the aloof jerk is equivalent to a man's desire for bedding a virgin.

What is it about the "loner" that drives women wild? To women, the loner is the promise of an "alpha male" that they will have all to themselves.

Why do we consider slutty women damaged? Despite what the feminist sexual revolution tries to say about sex, women are not sexually motivated like men are. A woman's sexuality is driven by her desire for attention. The emotionally needy woman is, more often than not, the woman that jumps quickly into bed with you.

Why does sex die the moment you cohabitate? She never cared about sex, she cared about attention. Now she can expect you to listen to her replay every conversation she had today without giving you anything in return. Her sexuality will be activated for men that she can't otherwise coerce into paying her attention.

Understanding TRP recommendations:

From the idea of emotional conquest, we can also better understand many TRP recommendations.

Why do you need to maintain your own life? It's not the "mystery", it's because it avoids her complete emotional conquest.

Why do you need to keep doing new things and meeting new people? Because it is new territory in your life that doesn't revolve around her.

Why does push/pull work? You are casting your emotional investment as the proverbial carrot on the stick.

How does this help me?

Viewing female behavior through this lens does not contradict TRP knowledge, but if you put the idea of emotional conquest first in how you interpret female behavior, it will help reorder your priorities.

  1. You will prioritize preserving power, independence, and frame. This will protect you and make you more attractive at the same time.
  2. You will set better boundaries and you will see her manipulations for what they are when she tries to integrate herself into every aspect of your life. You will demote women more quickly when they do not respect your boundaries and make fewer excuses out of sexual desperation.
  3. Your suspicion will help you prioritize women that support your independence instead of falling for whichever girl gives you the craziest sex.
  4. If you play with fire and spend time with the girl giving you crazy sex, you will know that she will feel entitled to do whatever she can get away with to get her emotional return on investment.
  5. You will understand that plates break when they think they have stopped making progress toward further emotional investment and you will more intelligently pace your investment.
  6. You will understand the simple power and value of your attention, you will use it more sparingly and stop diluting the natural value of your attention with shitty PUA game.
  7. You will understand that a woman needs to feel special and that you have to exude a level of discrimination for her to feel that way and want your investment.
  8. You will stop thinking about relationships lasting "forever" because there is always an end (conquest or plateau), and you will understand why hot-and-heavy starts won't last long.
  9. You will understand why it is up to you to end relationships. If you succeed in developing good frame, a woman will never leave you no matter how shitty things get.
  10. You won't ever let a woman think you will be hurt by her leaving because you understand that is their whole endgame.

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[–]jbpostv 159 points160 points  (16 children)

I saw this really batshit quote on some models story the other day: “She hasn’t won you over until she stops annoying you.” Basically saying she won’t consider her work done until you let her cave in your frame, fail shit tests out of fatigue of the stupid mind games, become a compliance doormat to an emotional tyrant and normalize her shitty behavior which acts as a test if you still have the standards to call her out on it. An ex of mine once confessed she got turned on when I would yell at her and stick up for myself when we would argue but was frustrated because I was lowkey mad and she was horny. It’s so hard for us to relate to and understand, I was shocked, but it changed my view of things entirely. They don’t just want you to be the boss, they want you to remain the boss despite their resistance. Dominance must be tested.

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[–]superyute 61 points62 points  (0 children)

wants to leave but doesn't

I call this phenomenon time wasting

[–]yomo86 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's a significant line between being too tired to give a shit about nonsensical drama and just walk or let her have her hissy fit and being too mushy to put up any resistance to her demand and playing along.

[–]DancesWithPugs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Try laughing it off / not reacting / taking time for yourself. I know what you mean about getting exhausted, maybe you are getting drawn in to the drama and not really passing all the tests. Some games the only way to win is not to play.

"I see you are frustrated. I'm going to go for a walk now, let me know later when you're not as upset." Might piss her off but don't be bluffing, calmly leave on your walk or errand. Make it work for you.

[–]magx01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just want to be alone at this point. What is this called?

The result of a cost benefit analysis. Juice ain't worth the squeeze once you start getting older.

[–]Morphs_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You are at this spot on the spectrum where you have frame/SMV, but for whatever reason it is not high enough for her so it must be tested to a crazy degree. It's extremely exhausting indeed.

[–]1redhawkes 7 points8 points  (1 child)

They want to put up a fight, but they want you to win.

[–]jbpostv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They don’t want losers, that’s the test

[–]dingleburry_joe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The goal/battle of every relationship is best seen for how long you can be the boss/dominant. Literally why I read the practical female psychology book and reread it again. She gonna throw mind games at you from every which way but Sunday to find that crack in your armor. It's one thing to read the sidebar and these posts, it's another to transfer this shit in real life. It's hard to erase years of blue pill mentality and see myself make mistakes.

[–]Xzow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

like dogs or disobedient soldiers under your command, lol.

[–]OfficerWade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well said, women want you to be a man so they can be a women. They’ve been the man their whole life’s- rejecting beta boys and cashing in when they feel desperate or lonely. Most women get a bad rep because guys have treated them poorly but like any dog found in a shelter you know that puppy can love you in ways a well trained German Shepherd can’t do.

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[–]Thisismybot8 28 points29 points  (5 children)

You won't ever let a woman think you will be hurt by her leaving because you understand that is their whole endgame.

Yes in theory, once marriage is achieved, women have completed their emotional conquest. This explains shitty marriages and divorce rates.

But how does this theory address successful marriages? Having hobbies and seeming to not give a fuck will only get you so far. The reality is, once you're married, there is no doubt that you will be hurt (financially and emotionally) by her leaving. She knows that, you know that, and society knows that.

Otherwise, this is a powerful post by OP.

[–]yungassed 35 points36 points  (3 children)

It's less about her capability to hurt you, which like you said is always possible after marriage, it's more about how much you care and your ability to recover from such an event.

My go to example of a successful marriage is this millionare EM doc who's main hobbies are ultra endurance sports/mountaineering. He is a loving and devoted husband, but you can always sense an underlying sense of deattachment. I fully believe to him, if his wife were to leave and take all his money and kids, he honestly be happy as he would have more time to spend in the mountains. While divorce can financially destroy him, is will only emotionally free him by spending more time on his beloved hobbies and thus why his wife (probably) will never leave him.

Oppose that to the stereotypical wallstreet guy who's self worth mainly stems from his social status, wealth and how hot is trophy wife is. These men get crushed in ltr elationships failing and tend to have a hard time recovering (dependant on how easily they can earn more money again, but made more difficult by a destroyed ego). He only thinks hes a hotshot because he has all these materistic things, but once that's taken away from him in a divorce, he is both financially and emotionally conquered.

[–]hobeezus 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Seems like a healthy dose of Stoicism will give you a lot of mileage in this regard. If I am content with whatever happens, she has no power.

[–]dingleburry_joe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Agreed. My goal should be to build a life where I wouldn't give a fuck if she leaves.

[–]RedPillCoach 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I am content with whatever happens, she has no power.

No woman has power over you except that which you give her.

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