Sweet God, does anybody proofread any more? I’d better fix this.

Dear Colleen: I slept with an ex to make sure I was in love with my boyfriend because the opportunity arose, I was horny, and I don’t have a single ounce of respect for the guy I’m dating. This was difficult to reconcile due to my previous history of cheating, but I came up with this really great excuse. May I try my excuse on you to see if it will carry water?

Dear Cheating Slut: You don’t need an excuse at all. If you can keep this secret forever without spitting it out to try to spite your loser boyfriend the first time you get pissed off at him, then never tell him. Duh.