489
490
491

LTR[LTR]When you think you cannot live without her anymore, you have to leave her. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Anistrophic

[TL;DR:] If in an LTR, make sure to evaluate your situation every few days or weeks. Try to see if you are falling too deep into emotional realm, where rational thought takes the second place. Ask yourself - if we broke up today, will I be ok? If you think that you could not live without her, leave her.

[Body]

Some time ago, I was having a drink with an old friend of mine, and discussion turned to women. I won't bore you with the minutiae, but I formulated a phrase that stuck with both of us over the years:

If a moment comes when you believe that you cannot live without her anymore, you have to walk away, without hesitation.

Since then, we've both been through ups and downs, but lately we have both entered LTR's. I've been in mine for around two years now.

I follow trust-but-verify principle, I ask her questions I know answers to, just to see if she will tell the truth (especially when it is uncomfortable for her), and overall I try to maintain a tight ship. She stayed with me during some rough times, she still pays for half of the stuff, cooks me breakfast, lunch and dinner anytime I stay at her place (and then, cooks at my place as well), she cleans my place, she adores me and has refused sex maybe three times over last two years. And heck, seeing her face light up when she sees me makes me feel happy.

On a random day, when lying in bed, she tells me:

"Anistrophic, you know, you are probably the best thing that happened to me in my life."

"Yeah, I get that a lot"

She tries to put an indignant expression, but quickly giggles.

"No, seriously! My goal - well, one of my goals - is to make it that you couldn't live without me!"

"That's not going to happen."

"I know, but I think that's one of the things I like about you. And I love being good to you!" Smooch!

"Could I leaver her now?" I ask myself in my mind. "Yes."

And on and on, she gushes:

"Oh, Anistrophic, I love you so much! You make me feel amaaazing! I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you!"

"...right now."

"What?"

"When you say you love me, I have to add "right now" to the end of your sentence for it to be really true."

She pauses for a second - I can see her mind whirring at the thought - and giggles.

"I think you're right, but I really feel that I want that. I don't know how to say it to you, but you are my lover and boyfriend and I will never leave you! I want you forever!"

And I look into her wide open eyes, her happy face following every movement of my face, and smile.

"I love you too."

She nuzzles close to me, and I feel happy.

"When I leave for work tomorrow morning, could I just never call her again?

"Yes".

But this is not a strong answer anymore. It's an automatic answer, and digging deeper, I feel a twinge of doubt. "Well, why leave her, I mean, she tells me all the truth, she didn't give me a change to doubt her in past two years, and she's great! Come on!"

I spend the next week away from her. Don't call her, don't text her, don't pick up her calls. Concentrate on work, spend time with my friends, hit up other girls.

During the time, I remember that she has cheated on two of her previous LTR's when they were away. I know that those guys fell hard for her, and the one she cheated on with me told her he couldn't live without her. I know that she would do the same to me if I cracked, sooner or later. I know her N-number, and it's higher than I am comfortable. I know that I most likely will not marry her because of that. I know that she is not a unicorn, she's just another girl that I could find anywhere else.

I realize that I am still just waiting for her to fuck up so that I could leave her. A part of me wants her to fuck up.

"Could I live happily without her?"

I know the answer.

"Yes."

When she sees me next time, she doesn't complain about my absence too much. That night, she puts extra effort in bed.

And when I wake up in the morning, with her cuddled up on my chest - it is somewhat hard to admit it to myself - but yeah, I love her.

Right now.

[The Lesson]

If some of you decide to enter LTR - understand that it can be very rewarding, but it is easy to fall under the spell of a girl. And once she has broken you - she will move on. A lot was written here, on rationalmale and chateauheartiste how one needs to be the rock, what to do and what not to.

Sometimes, the girl plays such a good game, that loosing seems enjoyable. It is, nevertheless, a loss. Never forget that, and never let your emotions take over.

Once you think that you cannot live without the girl - and she smells it - it means you have already broken up, just at a later time. There is no point in staying anymore - simply leave, right then. Save yourself some time.

So, when you are in an LTR's, ask yourself : "Could I just leave her right now, and be OK?"


[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 239 points240 points  (31 children)

Don't bother saying things like "i have to add 'right now' at the end of your sentence". Explaining female nature to a woman does nothing for you.

[–]TheRedChemist 46 points47 points  (9 children)

Even though I know this and have proven it directly many times, sometimes the stuff they come out with is so retarded and predictable by RP theory that I feel pretty much obliged to point it out...

I'll keep working on it...

[–]fingerthemoon 14 points15 points  (8 children)

Your post was good but there's one thing I didn't see you address and that's the subconscious biological attachment that occurs without you realizing just how strong it is.

You can't know how strong this subconscious attachment is until she has moved on to another man. I was in a 6+ year LTR that I had been trying to get out of for 2 years. The problem was that the sex was awesome. She always roped me back in with sex. Eventually I left, but without me knowing, she had already lined up her next (which is why she didn't use sex to rope me back in this time, instead she rubbed him in my face). Long story short, I lost my shit. I experienced jealous rage and heartache to the extreme.

It didn't make sense that I would have such a strong reaction since I was the one who left and had wanted out for a long time. But the thought of her being fucked by this other dude literally drove me insane.

I've done much study since then spurred by my need to understand. I've been reading a lot of evolutionary biology and all the pieces have fallen into place. Currently I'm reading 'The Murderer Next Door' by David Buss and 'Sex At Dusk: Lifting the Shinny Wrapper From Sex At Dawn' by Lynn Saxon.

I can't explain everything in this comment but basically there are subconscious attachments formed through sex. The younger and more attractive the woman is the stronger your attachment to her will be. While she is yours you may think you can "live without her" but once she decides it's over and has branch swung (almost all attractive women do this) and she is getting gorilla fucked by another guy, your biology will respond and likely you will discover that you're much more attached to her than you ever thought possible. You have been warned.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

this is awful, it's like you can't enjoy what you want without paying one hell of a price for it /after/ you enjoy it. It's like a deal with the devil, what the hell, it isn't fair

[–]fingerthemoon 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Every woman I've had sex with ended up being more pain than pleasure in the long run. But I don't think it has to be this way. Had I found TRP and evo psych in my youth I probably would have been able to avoid much pain, stress and drama. Although, had I never experienced heartbreak and jealous rage my understanding would be much less profound. It's hard to say really but I'm grateful now for the experience.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

But I don't think it has to be this way. Had I found TRP and evo psych in my youth I probably would have been able to avoid much pain, stress and drama.

what would you have done differently?

[–]fingerthemoon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't have 'fallen in love' with every gorgeous girl I fucked, who wasn't a crazy bitch. I would have been more hip to their manipulation tactics. Wouldn't have lost frame over the rare 10s.

Here's a little context: I've had sex with around 50 women and been in 4 LTRs. I know 50 doesn't seem like much but they were all high value and I've spent most of my time in LTRs. I been told many times that I could be a model and that I look a lot like Ian Somerhalder. I also use to be performing musician, so I've had opportunities with very attractive women. I've always been confident with women and a natural alpha but I was much too open, honest, trusting, generous and kind which was taken advantage of. Although, despite my naivete I walked relatively unscathed from all my relationships, except the last one. It kicked my ass so hard I almost didn't make it. I wasn't prepared for her heartless manipulation and my subconscious attachment to her.

What sucks is that it's been 3 1/2 years since we split and I still haven't met a woman as attractive as her yet. Actually I did twice but I blew it both times. I met them before I found TRP. I had no game and did everything wrong. Nice guy stuff coupled with a broken ego. So I can confirm that even if you have looks and a banging body you'll still get rejected by being too nice, too open, too thirsty and bad text game. I never really had to develop much game because my looks and music made it effortless in my youth. Texting was in it's infancy when I got my ex... But now I'm dating again for the first time in about 10 years and I'm also approaching middle age. I'm not as confident as I once was and everything is different. But I'm learning and the mistakes don't bother me so much anymore, plus I still get attention from young ladies, so I'll be fine.

[–]cashmoney_x 1 point2 points  (2 children)

But when you truly internalize the idea (truth, actually) that it's all just a biological trick that is truly just about making babies and genetic competition you rise above it.

[–]squirestrat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This, god dammit! It isn't fair? Boohoo. It's the name of the game. Suck it up, or get sucked under it.

[–]fingerthemoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you're right and really I've come a long way thanks to my studies. But sometimes I still react before I'm aware of what's happening, that's me though.

I've dated 5 times since my ex (I'm very picky) and all of them had an ex on a string. I triggers me and I really need to get over this because just about every attractive high value woman has a man on a string, probably a few. This is just how it goes and I don't hate them for it anymore. I understand their point of view and the evolutionary biological reasons for their behavior.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 16 points17 points  (13 children)

it makes me laugh hard

i've reached an age and sexual limit that making myself laugh and humoring those around me means more than a random lay.

but yeah, for the most part you're right, women don't care about their nature and don't want to know, just let them believe in the magic.

[–]cleftscout -1 points0 points  (12 children)

I can't hold myself back from saying things like that, but it usually ends up coming across in a way similar to gas lighting. I let them know I know what they're doing and that they're a game to me and see if they forget those feelings later or if they choose to overlook them to find out where I stand to them.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 2 points3 points  (11 children)

Being a man boils down to 2 things

1.Are you bettering society around you?

2.Are you doing what makes you happy?

Most people place 2 ahead of 1 which leads to issues like "What makes me happy is killing people" or on a lesser scale "Not getting married or having children"

As long as you're handling business, as long as you're satisfied sexually, who gives a shit if you lose a few sexual encounters for the sake of educating a ratchet. It's funny as fuck.

[–]cleftscout 1 point2 points  (10 children)

I really couldn't give less of a shit about #1. I spent my entire childhood being bullied for being mildly autistic. It wasn't bad enough to be noticed, but it was hard making friends and dealing with pressure from my parents to interact with peers when I was much happier with my books and video games. As a result, I developed a deep rooted bitterness to society as a whole. In the end, I'm an asshole who's out for myself and those who I see worthy of keeping around.

I don't value sex highly, I never have. I've had one first night lay and I hated it, it was extremely uncomfortable for me, because I need to have much more of a connection to enjoy myself. I don't worry about any hos I talk to at college. I don't know what other guys experience, but I get approached by sluts about once every three hours I spend out of class on campus. I wasn't even interested at all until I was 15, and within a week had bitches on my dick. Its not of high importance to me and I don't need to focus on it because I know if I want it, I can get it very quickly and I have a few girls I'm comfortable enough with that it would go well.

Even beyond talking RP, I get much more enjoyment out of seeing people squirm than I do from having sex. I'd rather see a girl cry from something I've said than fuck her and if I make her cry, there's a decent chance she'll want to fuck me anyway if my experiences of it happening in the past are any prediction of the near future.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 4 points5 points  (9 children)

I don't know what you want me to say man.

Much like the American Man against the government, you let the bullies win. They turned you away from your great purpose.

You sound like a damaged man, and I'm not one for making excuses---I think you're a loser---but it's a shame this world has created so many of you lately.

[–]cleftscout 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Lucky for me, it doesn't matter to me who you think won or what you think is the right way to win the game of life. I have no great purpose, I'm sorry you think I can be special. I was made to desire to be alone, my mind is wired to stray away from l groups. It's a shame you can't see that people who are different from you have different wants and desires, especially ones who are not neurotypical like it's safe to assume you are.

You sound like a solipsist, and my mind doesn't allow KE to make excuses because they're born in feelings---I think you're a dick---but it's a shame this world has been made up of so many of you since the beginning of time. If it wasn't, science and society would be significantly farther along in it's advancement.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Science and society are where they are because of docks like me who put the betterment of society ahead of personal satisfaction and called losers and outcasts and damaged exactly what they are

[–]cleftscout 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ahh yes, without docks, we never would have come very far. Trading over oceans was very important to be utilized by sea travel via ships and ports, with docks obviously required for boarding and loading items on said ships.

I'm going to stick with my chosen path. Keep being a RedPill man by telling others the best way to live their life to your standards.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

1 is what other people want you to believe is important, while 2 is what really matters. Sometimes you can align both together, sometimes you cannot. If you are not me I should tell you that society is important, but if I want the best for myself I must put myself above all others.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Not others, it's what's important period.

We as a society exist to progress, living selfishly and benefiting no one is the most coward and disdainful method of existence

Your life is of leisure and ease because other men sacrificed, not returning the favor makes you a failure.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Not returning the favor makes you selfish not a failure. A dark triad leader puts himself before everyone, that gives him power, it may also create opportunities for others as well as suffering, but it doesn't make him a failure. If society recognizes you as selfish and unhelpful they'll turn against you, that's why helping and complying to it may be helpful [to you in a completely self-interested way], but it'll never give you as much power ( it won't benefit you as much) as putting yourself before society, if you know how to do it without getting shunned. So helping society may be important to you but it is more important to society itself than yourself.

What if society is against you for no good reason? What if it just sucks? would you still think helping it is the most important to you? I'm not saying this is the case, but it's good to think about it to evaluate your principles.

[–]Endorsed ContributorTheeRyanGrey 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Dark triad men end up leaders in business and politics for a reason: they can make tough, macro decisions that benefit the public

Sending 100 men to die to save 1000 for instance. These are decisions the average person is too emotional and attached to make.

You can better yourself and better society all at once.

[–]rpscrote 20 points21 points  (2 children)

idk, I've tried both doing this and avoiding doing this, and I think there are situations where it works. I currently have the frame going of "im experienced, and you very much are not" and she's totally bought into it, so I periodically meta-analyze exactly what she's doing to let her know I can smell bullshit from a mile away. She usually blushes and goes "how did you know???." Establishes the hierarchy. It can easily come across as spergey or try hard in the wrong frame though.

[–]Physio_Tool 18 points19 points  (1 child)

haha yea I do the same with this one plate. Anytime she tells me something I just smell bullshit on I go "Hold on, let me translate that to what actually happened...." She knows I know the deal and that I will always trust my inward conviction over anything I am told by her or anyone else.

[–]catacamas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol .. I constantly do this as 'inner monologue' but never verbalize it, going to make a note to try this.

[–]Yogotron 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know as far as theory goes, you're correct. It just seems more than a bit ridiculous how you feel the need to point out what he ought to say or not say to someone he has dated for 2 years.

[–]ATrashMan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Surprised this comment isnt higher.

[–]DwightWolftail 86 points87 points  (21 children)

The difficulty of maintaining you sanity through the huge amounts of oxytocin you get , while in an LTR is the reason why most believe LTR is TRP on hard mode . I am in a similar situation . She's never cheated and her n=3 including me . However , she has opened herself to me and I know every little detail of her past . Well the only reason I still can say I don't have oneitis are those details . Keep focusing on those facts . Those facts that keep reminding you that even the most prudish woman is still a woman . And women share the same traits , in higher or lesser degree . And no matter what , that degree is still there . That is the last barrier . Most who fall into oneitis are the ones who lose consciousness . Staying conscious would be my advice for everyone in a good LTR .

[–]sir_Preacher 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Well the only reason I still can say I don't have oneitis are those details . Keep focusing on those facts. Those facts that keep reminding you that even the most prudish woman is still a woman. And women share the same traits , in higher or lesser degree . And no matter what, that degree is still there.

You beat me to that.

These women know they are not the sweet innocent angels they portray themselves to be, which is why they despise guys who idealize them.

If only men will stop rationalizing the bad past behaviours of women...

[–]Dustin_Bromain 17 points18 points  (7 children)

Truer words have never been spoken. The dopamine rush you get from a new LTR is insane.

[–]Trpidation 39 points40 points  (6 children)

Seriously. Nature has a sick twisted sense of humor.

  • get comfortable with girl
  • get insanely happy
  • girl fucks other guy

It's almost like Mother Nature is a... woman.

[–]rpkarma 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Chicks don't have a monopoly on that situation mind you. Though the catalyst differs between the sexes; she'll cheat on you because she feels nothing. A guy might cheat because he wants some strange. Same behaviour, different reasoning.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've said before and I'll always believe, if a woman cheats in a RELATIONSHIP it's 99% chance she has intense feelings for the other person. Men are usually the only ones who can have sex without any type of emotional attachment.

[–]fingerthemoon 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It's not the same behavior. If a guy cheats he can't possibly bring home a child and fool the woman to raise it as her own.

A woman cheating is a much more serious offense than a guy cheating.

[–]redpill_kurious 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Only if she gets pregnant. That's by your own logic, mind you.

[–]fingerthemoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Biological responses are irreverent of actual intention. The limbic system doesn't know about contraceptives.

[–]RedAsBlood 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I agree with everything you say.

But never believe a woman's answer to an n number. Theres really no point in asking.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

believing the n number is not wrong, if you know someone well enough you can be very certain of their sincerity, specially in the bp world where women are made to believe in their open sexuality and that there's nothing wrong with it.

[–]Anistrophic[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yep, definitely noticed that.

Time away helps get rid of that high and put mind straight. The clearer the mind, the more rational decisions.

[–]user5577 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Knowing that pussy is cheap is enough to not get oneitis. Also i believe there's a difference between oneitis and being with only one girl.

If you talk to her more than she talks to you. Oneitis.

If you find yourself wanting to be with her if you havent seen her for less than 7 days. Oneitis.

If you call her up "to just talk" you have oneitis.

If you feel you can't break up with her if you had to. Oneitis.

As long as I'm not breaking these criteria i don't see a problem with being nice to my girlfriend and i know its mostly bullshit but i do think sex is better with an intimate partner (so long as they where good to begin with).

[–]Physio_Tool 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Keep focusing on those facts .

Bingo, this is the absolute key to winning the war against unicorn/oneitis type of thinking. I got this one plate and she opened up after I admitted some shit in my past, the first time she told me she was on the first date she had with her 2nd ex-BF, she told me she felt bad because after the date (which was out at a club), the dude went home and she ended up going home and having a ONS with another guy. She toasted her chance of an LTR with me after that one cause I know damn well past behaviour is indicative of the future. I also got her to open up about other fuck ups that of course are red flags but I figured out the key to this is that I myself admitted to some of mine which then she reciprocated. But girls are way more forgiving in the beginning when they are infatuated over you and rationalise all your bad traits because they have tingles. But we men have to be strong enough to not fall for that kind of rationalizing nonsense.

[–]reigorius 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Since TRP I've noticed I just am not able to fall in love anymore like I use to in my teenage years.

I'm seeing the same patterns, behaviors and all kind of colored flags in all the women I date. I love girls, but they have indefinitely lost their mystic since indulging in red pill theory and practice.

[–]Physio_Tool 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yea sounds about right man, sad it has to be that way but it is what it is. The big a-ha moment whem I realised that, it was when I was given an old phone from my ex to sell on ebay. After looking through the phone and seeing the exact same compliments and nearly exact same conversations and responses that it hit me that none of us are really special at all and that girls are going to say the same thing to every guy and then move on once he starts resting on his laurels

[–]reigorius 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Exactly, I'm hearing the same words over and over from different girls. It just doesn't do a thing anymore.

[–]Joseph_the_Carpenter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

and her n=3 including me

This answer is so stereotypical I can't believe you fell for it. Let me guess, those other two guys were boyfriends right?

[–]DwightWolftail 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well , culture is a little better were I live . And she is also completely antisocial . She did it once with her first boyfriend , then he dumped her . She did it another time with her beta orbiter after 4 months . Who then dumped her cause he didn't like virgins . She still had blood when they did it . When I came along she was very defensive about it . When we did it , she was bleeding again the first time .

[–]redpill_kurious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, sometimes they are virgins. Mine was 18.

Then I got married at 22 when she was 19. Bad idea folks. Just getting disillusioned now.

[–]Cunt_Robber 26 points27 points  (10 children)

2 of the most painful lessons I've ever learned in one post... I've been with TRP for about 1.5 years now, and no post has ever sent a shiver down my spine until now.

I realize that I am still just waiting for her to fuck up so that I could leave her

Sometimes, the girl plays such a good game, that loosing seems enjoyable

Losing seems enjoyable because of the damn hormones. Hang around women too long and you start to fucking lose it. Why the fuck does everyone say "women are more emotional and tend to get attached easier?" What the fuck is up with THAT bullshit?

[–]FramedInRed 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Women couple and decouple faster than men. It's part of the "war brides" biological programming that Rollo writes about in The Rational Male.

[–]Cunt_Robber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well... also it's not like it's that hard for girls either. There is no debate. Break up, spread your legs, and you've got a new boyfriend. You immediately get over your old one as this new one pumps you full of feels for a few weeks. Then you get bored and you spread em for a new one. Boom, new feels. Boom another. Boom feels. Oh golly gee, well of course women are capable of rational thought! But they're better at having sex.

[–]fingerthemoon 2 points3 points  (7 children)

women are more emotional and tend to get attached easier?" What the fuck is up with THAT bullshit?

That misnomer is probably from women's tenancy to only see the top 20% alpha males who are less likely to commit having more options. The other 80% is of course invisible.

Men do indeed have more of a tendency to get attached, because male parental investment is a big part of being human. Females on the other hand have hypergamy and the war bride syndrome. They have a switch and can simply turn off their feeling for a man. Men have no such switch and will often carry a torch for years.

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Dude, I'm starting to think that female hormones, like oxytocin, have a psychological/physiological impact on the male. How else does a man get the feels/get oneitis and fall for a bitch and start behaving like a beta? Hormones, of course. Proximity. Sex. Use a condom, otherwise your dick will absorb her vaginal hormones and next thing you know you're struggling to keep your mind straight.

If only they invented some kind of anti-oxytocin pill that you could take, then no man would ever catch the feels for their woman. Women don't have this kind of response--although theirs is the well known emotional "feels before reals" response, which is way stronger and more immediate, making it possible for me to charm your married mom into fucking me over the barbecue grill while you and your dad're out getting more coal from Walmart. Men have to step up and help each other overcome the "beta/oneitis" phase that causes the weakness. Man space, the manosphere, the ignorance of feminism and support of meninism need to be supported and brought back from the increasingly female-over-compensating culture.

[–]fingerthemoon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

There might be something to the abortion of vaginal hormones, lol. I know you do get beneficial bacterial from vagina and she actually gets antidepressants from sperm. It's science.

But as far as the male tendency to fall in love (oneitis), that's a deep evolved biological reaction. Men who had oneitis were more likely to invest in child rearing. The human child takes 4-5 years just to be able to do basic stuff like walk reasonably well and go to the bathroom alone. The fathers who stuck around had lower child mortality and passed on the oneitis trait genetically.

Of course it's all more complicated than that because hidden female estrous and monogamist pair bonding had it's influence as well.

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oneitis... we'll figure out a pill for that one day. And I'm sure it'll be coloured red. If females have birth control, we should have that to keep our heads straight haha.

But yea, the whole oneitis thing, someone on here said before, lasts about 3 years, then the couple tend to drift apart. If married and, ideally well off and committed, I'd say have a kid every 3 years to refresh/keep that oneitis hormone thing going, until the first is off to college (that'd give you something like 6 kids). After college, they can start to support the family, and by that time you'll both be slowing down and could enjoy the fruits of your hard labour. The woman in this situation is kept very busy with pregnancies and child-rearing where she doesn't have time to do anything but her natural job of tending to everything at home (which women say is easy) while the husband supports the family and teaches the kids skills. Too bad our species is overpopulating the shit out of itself and we've now just begun to see how that is affecting our culture, social dynamics, and everything else--it's getting chaotic. It's too bad, otherwise, that's the ideal family structure I think a lot of men on here would pursue.

[–]riaveg8 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Wow, zero actual biology here. Oxytocin isn't a female hormone. Only estrogen and progesterone are, and men have small amounts of those anyway. There aren't "vaginal hormones". Female hormones are produced in the ovaries and uterus, and none even reach the vagina. You can "absorb female hormones" with your penis either.

Oxytocin isn't even just produced when you're in love either. Without it, you wouldn't like your friends, your family, your pets, anyone at all. It's also produced by your own brain, not absorbed from someone else. You release oxytocin whether you wear a condom or not.

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I see, thanks for kindly explaining to a non-science-background fellow.

What prompted me to think that way is cause I think I might have picked up on a pattern: I might be getting oneitis for girls who I don't wear a condom with versus the ones I wear a condom with, and I thought it might be something in the vagina rubbing into my dick getting my hormones raging for her.

[–]riaveg8 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe you're more likely to go condomless with girls you trust more (don't fear getting STIs, believe her when she says she's on the pill), so it's a psychological aspect, not a physical one

[–]Cunt_Robber 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. It's prob the other way around. I get oneitis because I start to trust them and thus don't use a condom. Time to not trust anyone and sail this ship solo, always.

[–]improvingme63 74 points75 points  (8 children)

"once she has broken you - she will move on". This is often but not always true of a woman who no longer respects you. Sometimes she will make you her BB or just beta bitch. Then demote you to sex once or twice a year and focus on crushing your soul further into oblivion.

Don't allow it gents.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

    [–]thefisherman1961 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Instead of being satisfied with their accomplishments, hypergamy makes it so that they are never satisfied. It is a biological impairment that works against them from functioning like rational individuals, but yet it is necessary to pass on the best genes possible. Hypergamy is good for the human race as a whole but can be completely destructive on an individual level.

    [–]fingerthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That perspective right there is the most liberating. Understanding the science behind their behavior (and ours) allows you to get over the anger and just accept the situation. Then go out and enjoy them.

    I've been reading 'The Murderer Next Door: Why the Mind Is Designed to Kill' by David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist. He explains the evolutionary reasons for jealousy, rage, violence and murder. He also talks about female hypergamy, dual mating strategies and cuckolds. Excellent read. Knowledge is power.

    [–]2ndLion 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    And once the damage is done it takes long to heal. Be willing to walk from unfavorable situations.

    [–]White_Phillip 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    More often she will BB you if she can. If she can't, she may likely even leave because she isn't getting strong commitment and her genes are screaming "GET A BETA BEFORE YOU GET UGLY AND YOUR UTERUS PUMPS OUT RETARDS".

    The red pill paradox is that we want women who are highly sexual and will fuck us right, but who have a very low N count. We won't chase a woman who doesn't fuck us right away, but are disgusted with women who did give it away to other alpha guys.

    The female paradox is that she wants an alpha man who will also provide for her and give her comfort and commit to her. Every step an alpha man takes toward that he becomes less alpha and she loses respect for him. Her goal is to break a perfect man, then become disappointed how broken he's become.

    [–]improvingme63 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    "The red pill paradox is that we want women who are highly sexual and will fuck us right, but who have a very low N count. We won't chase a woman who doesn't fuck us right away, but are disgusted with women who did give it away to other alpha guys."

    Kind of counter-intuitive in a way, aren't we? Rack their N count up but don't touch after too many. Oh well, better for us.

    [–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (8 children)

    I preach this all the time, this is why having an Abundance Mentality is ideal.

    If you always have a healthy thought that you can find comfort and a relationship with someone else if something were to happen with your relationship in a split second (and let's face it, with women that's very possible).

    This isn't to be confused with cheating or harem'ing or anything of the sort unless you're into that, but you must never put a woman over your Finances, your personal health, your relationships with family/people in general etc.

    Almost everything that a woman can bring to you psychologically, you can find in another.

    [–][deleted]  (7 children)

    [removed]

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Exactly, I've never been tied to the concepts of "love" and "being in love" because it's a fragile concept considering that it's easy and quick for those type of feelings to fade, depending on the situation.

      [–]reigorius 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      If there is always somebody else, why bother in the first place?

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Was this a serious question?

        [–]reigorius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        More like a rhetorical question. But still, if you care to answer.

        [–]epixs 20 points21 points  (0 children)

        I remember my mentor telling me , it's about disciplin. Do you have the discipline to not text her even when you want to? To not get overly emotional even though everything inside you wants too? Being discipline enough to not fall into the beta tendencies that come from the chemical hormone fluctuates requires that, it's hard but it's also rewarding.

        [–]1PantsonFire1234 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        Just stay rock solid because this sounds like a girl that could break you. Right now you love her and in a couple of months you'll love her more. She'll probably do a couple of very sweet and honest things. All of them intended to lead you further in her trap.

        [–]Nycredpilldad 26 points27 points  (7 children)

        Very good advice for an ltr with no children involved. Kids add an even harder mode to any ltr.

        After mine had the kids, she got disrespectful, lazy, packed on the pounds, unenthusiastic starfish sex, and I gave her enough rope to hang herself after 6 years.

        She cheated, as I knew she would & it got me out of the house & back with a proper submissive woman who will literally do what I want when I want only a few weeks later,

        My only regret is my kids have a short sighted whore of a mother raising them & I get to be a part-time dad until the finances improve.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 37 points38 points  (8 children)

          you know, you are one probably the best thing that happened to me in my life

          Looking back, this phrase has been the downhill turning point in my relationships. The point where they have gone from pretty good to fucking tedious.

          She feels the dread

          Good. If you don't have the upper hand, you're about to get royally fucked and not in the good way.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorInvalidity 22 points23 points  (6 children)

          Yeah, whenever a girl says that, it usually boosts a man's ego, but little does he realize that that is also a very bad sign.

          It's usually coupled with previously bad behaviors. When things are going well, they tend to just flow without much needed to be said. If she is having to say it, she's trying to convince herself in some ways that she made a good choice.

          Like someone patting themselves on the back for something that should otherwise just be universally understood.

          Much in the same way as when a girl tells you she "loves you". Since we know that love is attraction for women, when a girl is very attracted to a guy, she will treat him better than others and do special little things for him without ever really having to say, "Hey look! I did this for you!"

          I've noticed that when girls tell their partners "I love you," it's a form of self-reassurance. It's a yellow flag that things are getting worse.

          [–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 22 points23 points  (4 children)

          I think it's an attempt to get commitment by pretending to offer commitment.

          ie she's saying "Look how much I adore you, it's safe to commit to me!" Then the guy relaxes, and BOOM! it all leads directly to sexless beta exploitation land.

          [–]Physio_Tool 12 points13 points  (2 children)

          Absolutely, I block any form of compliment from a girl at the door for that very reason. First of all, although it feels nice, a man shouldn't need verbal validation from his woman to get his spirits lifted. Second, and most importantly, I can interpret her actions as a better indicator for how she actually feels about me (or more realistically, my performance).

          [–]qwerty_face 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          What's your typical response?

          [–]Physio_Tool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I just say thanks but in the back of my mind Im rolling my eyes over this chicks use of compliments to lower my guards

          [–]zxsteven 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Yeah, that's usually the pretext to, "If we're both single when we're 30, we should get married."

          [–]Forsoul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I think what you're saying goes hand-in-hand with the saying "The sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook."

          When things are good it doesn't need to be stated. When you are stating it to the world or the person you are with its for your benefit, your own reassurance, not theirs.

          [–]LeftShark86 12 points13 points  (0 children)

          Why would you choose to love someone who has previously fucked over multiple partners? Screw her? Sure. But why love her? There a lots (some) women out there that haven't cheated multiple times. I know AWALT, but some are better than others. Don't love the ones on the wrong side of the scale.

          [–]Endorsed Contributoralways-be-closing 16 points17 points  (5 children)

          Central premise of the movie Heat

          Spoiler Alert: The movie resolves different scenes and suplots (and the main one) based on whether this advice is heeded or not.

          [–]Anistrophic[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I had the movie on my to-watch list. It just got bumped up higher!

          [–]ItIsMyPrivilege 17 points18 points  (2 children)

          Two things:

          This dude that owns a teriyaki joint told me:

          "Girl who say she love you forever is snake. She lie. Girl don't love you forever, you run away from that girl. Girl who say, oh you make me feel good right now. She tell the truth. Girl that tell she love you forever is the bad girl. Don't stay with that girl, she crazy."

          Dude was fucking nuts but had some very RP stuff he used to tell me when I would get my 'yaki fix.

          Second agreed. Although I left before and I felt that Oxycontin missing. Still do. Fucking life is a brutal bitch. I've gotten better through seeing other women and stuff, even with her popping back into my life and me failing to reconnect.

          When you spend too much time, you do get the chemical chain. I assume this is pairbonding, and with more pairbonding it diminishes in power.

          [–]Forsoul 6 points7 points  (1 child)

          More Yaki wisdom please!

          This pill is a lot more fun to swallow in bloken engrish

          [–]Regularguygamebrah 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          My Italian (Napoliatono) friend told me:

          "Man is man. Woman is woman"

          "My father tol me, when you fuck, you fill all (h)er (h)oles. Then, you know, she isn't getting it, from anywhere else. Acappish?"

          [–]Senior Endorsed ContributorCopperFox3c 7 points8 points  (2 children)

          All things come and go. Whether it be through leaving, or death, or something else. Everything is ephemeral. Enjoy the time you have with it. But never, ever, put anything on a pedestal ...

          A man who knows this, is a man who is free.

          [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          but it is easy to fall under the spell of a girl.

          Yes it is, especially one with lots of female charm, but your advice is really solid.

          If you feel like you can't live without her, that means your woman controls the balance of power in the relationship. When that happens, she will lose respect for you and abuse her power. It's just a matter of time before you get dumped or cucked. So leaving is a preemptive strike before the inevitable happens.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 14 points15 points  (6 children)

          So, when you are in an LTR's, ask yourself : "Could I just leave her right now, and be OK?"

          Agreed. And this goes for all types of long term relationships. Could you leave your job and be OK? Have you developed your career, skill set, clients, knowledge, etc to get a new job or start your own thing?

          Could you abandon your country, culture, your known social world, friends, and family? I've picked up and started a new life several times, first by moving around the United States and then leaving it for SE Asia. Settling in a foreign country is like setting up an LTR with a new bitch. There are shit tests. Are you going to follow every little law and regulation? Pay your taxes? Report to immigration? When you no longer hold government in awe and fear because you can just pack your shit and walk out the door you are in the correct frame of mind--you can't be held hostage by anything. Not by your job, your woman, Uncle Sam, or any of the goofs and degenerates you meet along your path in this crazy world.

          [–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 6 points7 points  (5 children)

          When you meet a girl with a similar experience and mindset, they're a royal pain in the ass.... I think they're referred to as Travel Widows... akin to alpha widow for similar reasons.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 10 points11 points  (4 children)

          Extensive travel is a red flag for women. They are not to be LTRed. For fun only. Pump and dump--I repeat--pump and dump!

          Women who travel quickly realize that they are able to escape social judgment and consequences for their bad behavior. It's all about getting a taste of strange dick, then another taste, and another.... And her little social network back home is none the wiser.

          [–]1james-watson 0 points1 point  (3 children)

          At this point I think having a vagina is a red flag for women. Unless they are groomed from birth for a life of submission, they will be varying degrees of nasty whore.

          [–]Regularguygamebrah 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          If you up your frame, SMV and look like Chad all while truly not giving a fuck. You'll be good w most woman. Don't worry tiger.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          See that's the thing. Life will continually hit us with various bullshit. During those moments he won't be Captain Cocksmith. She will take notice and start testing, not to mention the lingering memories she carries even though he has bounced back.

          [–]Regularguygamebrah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Very good point. It happened to me often as a blue piller.

          I will say this, when life throws this bullshit at you when 30, you will handle it much better than at 25, than at 20. Learn from your experience and let your frame strengthen.

          You don't have to be Chad Thundercock in these moments, you must only appear as such.

          [–]Il128 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          AWALT They have low self esteem. The second they "have you" you drop to near beta status in their eyes. Never ever be with someone you can't drop in a heart beat.

          [–]user5577 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          This is like proving you have a high pain threshold by setting yourself on fire. You can believe you can leave a relationship without actually leaving it.

          Imo the second you have some feelings for a women is not grounds to terminate the relationship. The only thing you need to answer is "if we broke up tomorrow could i go on with my life?" Heck what is so bad about being sad for a day or 2 even?

          Never ever letting yourself become vunerable is a sign of insecurity. Natural alphas fall in love quite often, they're not afraid to get hurt, they're not afraid of risking emotional pain.

          If youd rather sacrifice a relationship to avoid the chance of possibly getting hurting i find it pretty sad.

          [–]Dustin_Bromain 6 points7 points  (6 children)

          A point about n-count... The girl with the lowest n-count does not always make for the best LTR. Personally, I would take a woman with a moderate n-count and is extremely easy to deal with over a entitled bitch from hell with a low n-count. My LTR's n-count is four (including me) and I'm fine with it. I wouldn't even date a virgin or a girl with only one to two previous partners due to them usually being overly-clingy psychotic bitches with a horrendous princess complex. But that's just me. Nice LTR advice OP.

          [–][deleted]  (5 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Dustin_Bromain 6 points7 points  (4 children)

            lol, you can never be 100% sure, of course. Though, I find that when the girl views you as alpha enough, the trickle truth flows quite easily. But if you never believe (within a reasonable doubt) a woman's n-count, you'll never have a quality LTR. Also, most chicks my age are racking up 10+ dudes. And I'm only 23. Finding a girl with 5 or less is pretty rare.

            [–]Il128 3 points4 points  (3 children)

            How many people have you been with? It's 10X easier for her to get laid.

            [–]Dustin_Bromain 0 points1 point  (2 children)

            Nine. I spent a lot of time as a Beta, unfortunately. It'd be better if my count was around 20 or so.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            Nine is just a number, but you come off as insecure and defensive about it. There's no need to validate and explain yourself, you are among people who are in the same boat as you.

            [–]Xeagu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            If you think you haven't lost her yet but fear that you will, then you have in fact already lost her. While if you think that you have already lost her and do not fear this prospect, it is likely that you have not actually lost her.

            [–]10211799107 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I can confirm. Reading your post feels like you're writing about mine. 2yrs. Sex is still good, see her on weekends, keep reminding her I like my freedom and I'll never budge. I set the rule down straight once, either you accept my terms on the LTR or find another bf. I flirt with other girls, give her shit about being an "independentttt" woman mostly to subconsciously remind her I think feminism is funny and like a woman who cooks, rubs my back, gets me drinks etc and will never agree with egalitarian bullshit.
            Recently met my buddy in Vegas I haven't seen in 5yrs. Night before the flight I go to bend with her naked next me purposely not trying to fuck her. Woke up the next morning with a hand on my dick and her banging me hard.

            We got vip spots at a club, grinded with random girls, didn't text the LTR a lot and when I got home took a shower and told her to go lube her pussy up I need to empty. Their eyes when you take what you want and don't wait for an answer is priceless. Multiole orgasm and I roll around after I dumped a load. Woke up with lunch ready. LTRs are easy if you keep living on your terms and remind them if it now and then.

            [–]squirtingispeeing 1 point2 points  (3 children)

            Do you ever cook and clean for her?

            Genuinely curious.

            [–]Anistrophic[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

            Whenever she visits my place, I cook - she is my guest, after all. Nevertheless, if she insists on cooking, I don't mind. As for cleaning, she often starts it on her own, without me asking.

            At her place, I take care of red meat most of the time.

            If asked, I don't do the dishes (sometimes I do it when I just want to prepare something/etc), and she does not ask me to help with any other sort of cleaning.

            On the other hand, I take care of various "manly" jobs, such as fixing stuff etc. I like it, and she appreciates it.

            [–]squirtingispeeing -1 points0 points  (1 child)

            Why don't you do the dishes?

            [–]Anistrophic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

            Sometimes I do, just not when asked.

            The dishes themselves are not the point.

            She is capable of doing dishes, and it is very simple, short task that does not require much time or resources - which means, if she does not do it, she is either :

            *lazy (I don't like that) *it is an attempt at powerplay (I don't like that) *she believes that her time is more valuable than mine and that other things that I DO (things she is not capable of) are less important (I don't like that).

            And that is a minuscule detail from the whole picture.

            To put it simply, I try to run a relationship where you don't ask someone to make tea if you want some. You make tea for yourself, and ask if someone wants some too. When both people act in such way (i.e., give more than take), it becomes a pleasant experience for both.

            To do so, I enforce certain boundaries. I probably could go full patriarch and make her slave away for me, but... What for? I don't need it. There is my WORLD, where I am responsible for everything. Any addition from her in form of help (cleaning, cooking, etc etc.) are welcome, but not necessary. In effect, when I come into HER world, which I know she can take care of herself, I believe same applies to me (i.e., I am welcome to help, but it is not necessary).

            It is probably somewhat of an odd world-view, and took me awhile to realize other people don't always think same way, or just don't say no because they don't want to be rude, or whatever.

            In effect, I don't blame her when she tries to impose her will on me (say, for example - "Could you do the dishes? I made the dinner!"). I simply refuse - as I am free to do. Just as she is free to refuse something I ask of her.

            Or, to put it all shortly - selfish person is not the one who does what he likes, but the one who wants others to do what he likes.

            [–]Regularguygamebrah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Idk man, those questions you ask yourself are hypothetical. I would say you need to test that hypothesis otherwise, I am inclided to believe I smell a hamster.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Phew, this article made me feel much better.

            I love my LTR. She's great and it looks like there is no sign of slowing down. But every once in awhile I feel like; "It wouldn't be terrible to get up and go find someone new". Nothing is forever and you don't want to hand over your balls in a box to someone.

            Thanks for the post.

            [–][deleted]  (6 children)

            [deleted]

            [–]zman990 1 point2 points  (5 children)

            Yeah this is not a guy who has ever had a serious relationship. This reads like a goddamn neckbeard fantasy.

            Look guys a lot of women love an alpha guy but you can do that without bullshit and without cheating yourself out of everything love brings. Yes love can hurt but this guy and anyone like this is just too big of a pussy to take a risk and actually get any benefit out of love. If you make it a contest then you're the one who loses. I get that the mentality on this sub Reddit is be alpha to get women but don't ever focus so much on the process that you forget what the goal is. Pussy is great but love is better. Don't be a bitch and settle for pussy just because you don't want to work for love.

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]zman990 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              As long as you are careful when you give in, i.e. Make sure she's invested to you too and you're not "giving in" because of a dumb reason like she looks pretty but rather she's got the things of substance you need in a partner then it's not a guarantee that things will start going downhill. Life isn't a series of absolutes, sometimes shit happens and it will go downhill, sometimes things go great for six months and then go downhill but at least you had six great months, and then sometimes things never go downhill and it's amazing. If you never take a chance at something because you are afraid of failure then that's not alpha. Don't always plan for the worst, sometimes things will go to shit in a relationship but you'll survive, it will hurt but it won't kill you. There are few absolutes in life and people are too inconsistent to be one of them. So any statement like once you give in it ALWAYS goes downhill just isn't true.

              [–]fingerthemoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Holy shit! You just gave the worst advice ever.

              [–]Anistrophic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              zman990, I've wrote somewhat of a further explanation bit down, in an answer to Lashlarue123 - have a look at it.

              If one believes one cannot live without something, and then goes and lives without it - he beats his own belief - how can you call such man, as you said, pussy? To me, that is the mark but of strongest men.

              And nowhere did I write that one should not love. It only seems to me that you are mistaking what love is!

              Love is joy! I GIVE love to my girlfriend, not TAKE it, and that is what makes me happy.

              And the fact that I can leave her and continue being happy - what does it have to do with love?

              If a girl came up to you and said, "Oh, zman990, I love you, and love is happiness! And since I love you, it is you who is responsible for my happiness! And you are never to leave me, because I shall kill myself if you do, since I cannot live without you!"

              Would you not feel a burden? Would this make you happy? It would?

              And so, when your girlfriend who loves you so much gets fat? Still not a burden? What if she cheats on you? "Well, that's not love, if she loves me, she wouldn't cheat!" - you say.

              Ah, but then, she decides what love is for her, not you! (Or are you the one, who defines what love is for other people?). And she will KILL herself if you don't make her happy! So, dance, slave, dance for but LOVE!

              Would you still love her? Would you stay. Miserable, with a great burden trust upon you, with a fat and ugly girlfriend because of the FEAR?

              So tell me, zman990, would you do that to a person you love? Would you make them responsible for your happiness, because "You cannot live without them?" Is that what you call love?

              [–]mintegral 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Really awesome and true post.

              But DO NOT leave her! Realize where you are doing bad. Make it your personal test study, because you can learn a lot from it. Accept where you are now and plan where you want to be and where you want to go from here. Initially it is the easiest thing to let it just go and leave the relationship behind you, but you will miss the the most important lessons because you will not be able to live and apply them. Jumping from one sinking ship on to the next sinking ship will not make you smarter, will not improve the situation in the long run.

              There is no better chance to align your own "feelings" with the RP reality while staying in a "relationship" where you are noticing that you are getting attached. This is the peak point and the best chance to learn how to steer the ship in a hard storm! Maybe not a Taifun (like cheating or divorce or ...) but you will be a better rock, more prepared for the shit that life loves to throw at you. Use your current weakness in order to make it your strength.

              Nether less awesome post.

              [–]Cptn_Jib 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              This is the stupidest fucking advice I've ever heard

              [–]Venicedreaming 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              It sounds like a defense-mechanism to me, but not necessarily a bad thing. Every woman, heck, even every man, relationship, friendship is a loaded gun that can shoot you. When times are tough people are shitty, men will burn you their own way. I get it, most men here have been burned by their woman. It's safe and logical to never get attached, or trust, and this can be applied to life: don't trust/get attached to people. But it's still a tragedy that a part of humanity have died in its victims

              [–]Cunt_Robber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              It's all a tragedy if you look at it from that perspective

              [–]1naMlliPdeR 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              I don't say this lightly at all. But if I had the power, I'd give you TRP_endorsed points or whatever it is mods and people can give to posters. This was fantastic, and touches a great idea that's not touched upon enough.

              [–][deleted]  (2 children)

              [deleted]

              [–]Anistrophic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Alas, but your solution, and mine, are the same, if you only read hard enough!

              cold approach to regain your abundance mentality

              and

              But this is not a strong answer anymore. It's an automatic answer, and digging deeper, I feel a twinge of doubt. "Well, why leave her, I mean, she tells me all the truth, she didn't give me a change to doubt her in past two years, and she's great! Come on!"

              I spend the next week away from her. Don't call her, don't text her, don't pick up her calls. Concentrate on work, spend time with my friends, * *hit up other girls.**

              During the time, I remember that she has cheated on two of her previous LTR's when they were away. I know that those guys fell hard for her, and the one she cheated on with me told her he couldn't live without her. I know that she would do the same to me if I cracked, sooner or later. I know her N-number, and it's higher than I am comfortable. I know that I most likely will not marry her because of that. I know that she is not a unicorn, she's just another girl that I could find anywhere else.

              I realize that I am still just waiting for her to fuck up so that I could leave her. A part of me wants her to fuck up.

              "Could I live happily without her?"

              I know the answer.

              "Yes."

              If one has abundance mentality, when they ask themselves the question I posed, they will answer "Yes". Otherwise, do they really have abundance mentality?

              I go with "No, they don't."

              When you answer anything but a resounding YES, it means you are placing your happiness on an external entity. A very fickle external entity, that is predisposed to abuse the situation when it feels that your happiness depends on it. Once it is there, you are essentially giving away your power and freedom because of FEAR. FEAR of loosing that source of happiness.

              So, tell me, which solution solves this problem:

              • You work hard and try to make sure that your source of happiness doesn't leave (Appease the FEAR)
              • You remove that source and make inner entity, yourself, the source of your happiness (Face the FEAR)

              I believe you can see where this leads to.

              And so, the purpose of the question is implied - you ask yourself this before you get to the point, so that you never get to that point.

              It is a TOOL that encompasses more by saying less.

              As I mentioned in the long body - every so often, I can feel a small doubt in my answer, and so I root out the doubt until all that is left is a resounding yes. If one cannot do that - If one realizes that he cannot live without his woman - it means he screwed up. That is when you leave to regain your freedom.

              This is about facing your fear, and conquering it. You leave because it is HARD. If you truly believe that you cannot live without her, then it is probably the HARDEST THING for you to do. And how many people will actually manage to do it? 1 out of 100? out of 1000? If that!

              Nay, you decide - "I can't live without her. I'll just cold approach other girls until I feel that I have abundance mentality again! Because, I can't live without her!".

              So, how will you know that you reached that abundance mentality? say, perhaps, by asking yourself, "Could I live without her now?", and waiting for the answer YES ? And how do you prove it to yourself, then? Could it be... by leaving her? Or do you say "Well, now that I know, why leave her, I mean, she tells me all the truth, she didn't give me a change to doubt her in past two years, and she's great! Come on!" and stay around?

              And round and round you go.

              I hope this explains it. If not, well, then I cannot help you, until the time comes and you see what it is for yourself.

              P.S. I suggest having a look at Rollo Tomassi's essay "Flushing the nest".

              [–]musicman9294 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              Op, while you were laying down the law by calling an uncalled break, was she laying down another dick or na? Didn't clarify in post..

              [–]Anistrophic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              No, she was not.

              LTR =/= plate.

              Not sure why one would call it an LTR if a girl was getting it from somewhere else. LTR = girl gets my loyalty for her fidelity. If she cannot accept that - I find one that can, or simply stay free if I don't.

              Cheating from a girl who accepted to these terms means she is not worthy of my loyalty, and I walk. Simple as that.

              [–]Ever_weary_assistant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              This hits way too close to home.

              Recently invested in a commercial property. Took a huge chunk out of my savings, and I had to live a lot more frugally than I ever had before.

              Had to get rid of my car, stopped eating at restaurants, and worst of all: told her my financial troubles.

              Surprise surprise, 3 months of this and she "doesn't know how she feels anymore"

              It's so true, the moment you start loving her more than she loves you, the relationship is over. It's just a matter of time.

              [–]swaggyb3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              This is literally the stupidest thing I've ever read.

              [–]old-path 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              "right now" gentlemen and i guess ladies smart enough to know where to dig and lurk here, there is no forever. There is nothing that lasts forever, relationships included.

              Enjoy whatever you have while you have it because it will be gone one day one way or another. Marries for life? You die eventually and it's over.

              [–]_HandsomeJack_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Especially if she's the surgeon.

              [–]thefisherman1961 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              but it is easy to fall under the spell of a girl. And once she has broken you - she will move on.

              Exactly why frame and abundance mentality are especially important for LTR's.

              [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Im new here.. very new. 20 yo. I just noticed that i fucked up so bad in my last LTR. Thanks guys!

              [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (10 children)

              A hooker I've been seeing on and off when I'm at home revealed to me she has a LTR of 8 years; I only found out cause I asked if she was preggo (surprise, she was).

              AWALT. She's a hooker to me, she's marriage material to the other loser. I've never had my eyes quite opened so hard.

              I'm sharing because of that guy who's been with her for 8 years... he can't live without her or he would've left. I'm seeing it from the slightly lighter side of the coin and it's still fucked up. Personally I'm just glad I'm the guy who she's a hooker to, and not the chump.

              [–]Dustin_Bromain 2 points3 points  (9 children)

              Why the fuck are you seeing a hooker? I hope you at least wrap your fucking shit up dude.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children)

              I'm a big pussy mostly, my current excuse is that I have enough money and I'd rather play video games.

              Sugar daddy thing was too fucking weird, I'm atrocious with humans, and I'm still kinda fat, so I justify it to myself.

              [–]Dustin_Bromain 1 point2 points  (7 children)

              Don't do to yourself man. It's not worth it.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

              Probably not, but I gotta get my rocks off every week or my balls get sore lol.

              [–]Dustin_Bromain 1 point2 points  (5 children)

              I guess it comes down to preferences then. I would rather game a chick and get rejected then fuck a hooker.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

              I think that's the standard. I mean, I'd love a girl I could chill with saturday morning, but I can't seem to find chicks I actually care about.

              I started out as sort of a way to overcome anxiety, and over time I guess I inadvertently went MGTOW. I lose track of the days when I'm at home, tend to just dick about for most of the day, go to the gym 6 times a week, and cook tasty food.

              Never had much success attracting anything I wanted to put my dick in via tinder, granted I havent un-deleted my account in over a year, and other dating sites have been full of chicks with kids. I figure the best way would be to go to bars but I honestly do not enjoy it, and would rather daygame but my daily activities don't bring me in contact with bone-able girls.

              The point is it's not really a preference, it's just what seems to yield the most on a reward VS time invested schema.

              [–]Dustin_Bromain 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              Definitely keep self-improving then. Pull a (high) quality girl and stick with her for as long as you care to. I'd actually recommend getting into an LTR, because it sounds like you don't care to game so much. But that's entirely up to you, of course.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              That's the dream, friend. The recent economic downturn has driven desperation out of the woodwork, however; lots of crazy.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              I'm absolutely terrified of baby rabies, but id have a spin at an LTR if I found a girl with common interests.

              Lifts are good, probably going to southeast Asia again for the summer. Gotta cut first though cause beaches and Russians.

              [–]Dustin_Bromain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Lol. Baby rabies. That is pretty freaky.