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LTRThe Ass Slap as a Shit/Comfort Test Destroyer. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed ContributorMeat-on-the-table

Summary: Whenever she deals out a low-level shit/comfort test, slap dat ass.

Body

This is a quick and dirty tip to deal with a woman's random shit and comfort tests. It works best for the low to mid-level stuff. When she has valid emotional concerns(oxymoron right there) and relationship issues, it may or may not be applicable.

It's basic: whenever she deploys a test of any sort that is designed more to elicit beta responses from you rather than actually deal with an issue(which is, what, 90% of the time?), just slap or grab her ass and make a statement that incorporates your slap and diffuses the test.

Example:

Her: Meat, sometimes it feels like you don't really love me. How much do you love me?

I simply turn her around, slap that round posterior, those ample buttocks, that fine ass, them divine cheeks, those fantastic buns, that...you get the idea.

Me : That much.

She usually shakes her head and moves on. If I''m feeling frisky, i grab it and start massaging...see where it goes.

Lessons in here: Be an ass man.


[–]BrunoOh 208 points209 points  (2 children)

If she complains about it, tell her that she should get worried when you stop doing it.

[–]trp-sama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she complains or responds in some sort of negative way (another shit test) just smile (maybe a slight laugh) and carry on with your business.

[–]TruePr0l0gue 100 points101 points  (30 children)

The magic of ass slapping was something I instinctively stumbled onto pre-TRP and you're right. In my head I was rationalizing why it wasn't gentlemanlike to do so after I had done it, but the ass-slapee always giggled instead of protesting. It was like the twilight zone for my blue self

[–]Endorsed ContributorMeat-on-the-table[S] 148 points149 points  (28 children)

I remember this one time in the field, at a barbeque with a bunch of guys, most of the blue-pill.

A female acquaintance brought her friend along, who was pretty hot. All the guys were super respectful as she got introduced, a couple even gave compliments.

When she came around to me, i told her i only hug, and that i was gonna grab her ass. She still came in for the hug, i grabbed ass, she protested mildly, the guys looked like i had spat in their mother's face.

We FWB'd for half a year afterward. The ass grab is king.

[–]BOSpecial 44 points45 points  (1 child)

I'm surprised they didnt' get violent lol

[–]juliusstreicher 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No joke. That assault probably traumatized her so severely that she felt pressured to yield to him for the next 1/2 year. As clear a case of rape as I've ever seen!

[–]nomorelulu 20 points21 points  (19 children)

I don't get it. You told her you were gonna grab her ass before hugging? That doesn't sound smooth at all. How did that work?

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (9 children)

here's one way it could play out, out of a thousand ways

her: hi extends hand
him: sorry hun i only hug
her: really
him: yeah i'll also grab your ass
her: giggles

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 4 points5 points  (7 children)

This is of course also after looking at his belly and noticing no beer gut and that he had good posture/confidence, not just a pickup line.

[–]Mr_Andry 4 points5 points  (6 children)

That's why step 1 is lift. You can get by without a good physique, but having it opens up way more paths to success.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Women are so incredibly shallow and incapable of judging character that it's ridiculous.

How you look / body language is about 90% of what they use to judge whether you are attractive and trustworthy or not.

I used to be friends with a guy who had one of the ugliest faces ever. Almost like this guy. But he worked out, had good body language, and was tall. Women flocked to him like fat kids chasing an ice cream truck. Often times body language can be the most important thing, but your body language will be shit if you don't have confidence and muscles to naturally hold yourself up in proper posture.

[–]krisadayo 1 points1 points [recovered]

Women are so incredibly shallow and incapable of judging character that it's ridiculous.

Growing up with a single mother, I can definitely confirm this. My mom dated an okay number of men while I was growing up, and she actually introduced me to a handful of them. I could tell within the first 2 minutes of my interaction whether or not he was worth keeping around, and I let her know. She never broke up with any of them because of it back then, but I was right every single time. She is still single and mid 40s, and now she lets me meet any guy who she is considering an LTR with (and ALWAYS takes my advice).

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spot on. Thanks for the insight.

I think this is also why women's suffrage was a bad idea. Politicians probably love that they have a 50% voter base that has less character discernment than male tweens.

Honestly. In Russia the men still won't even bother talking to women about politics. They know it's pointless.

Not to say women are stupid, women are all in the median IQ range. I talk with women I work with about complex engineering problems and they offer assistance. But women are naturally terrible and desperate when it comes to judging character.

[–]RedPill_FightClub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You said it all. Men are always portrayed as shallow and only into the outward, but it's actually women who are this way.

[–]Caucasian-African 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Incidentally, I posted on PurplePill asking why people are so outraged at Roosh. (I'm not necessarily a huge fan of his, and he seems like he might be smarmy). I said as much, then basically asked why he beds so many women if he's such a bad guy. Aren't people at least equally outraged by the many, many WOMEN who choose to sleep with him?

So far, zero responses.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Roosh probably lies extravagantly about his numbers. But I do believe he does bed women regularly. People shouldn't be mad at this. It's not hard to bed women. It's really, really easy given that you 1. Are on the athletic/muscular end of Height-weight-proportionate 2. You try everyday, multiple times a day. 3. You have a large disposable income from blogging.

There are a lot of pent up video game nerds here. This is Reddit after all, gaming is one of the top 5 largest subs. They think it's hard to bed women because they never see one while they are sitting in their room all alone staring at a screen for countless hours. If you actually go outside and do things and talk to people, your numbers go up without as much effort as people think it takes. But as mentioned above you have to at least look like a tasty piece of meat or the fish won't bite.

Lots of con artists sleep with plenty of women. Roosh is no different. Why be outraged at the women, who are naturally terrible judges of character? (My previous comment)

[–]RealRational 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or

Her: raises eyebrow, moves in for hug with the slightest smirk

[–]Moldy_Gecko 12 points13 points  (4 children)

He said how it worked... FWB for a yr and a half. Honestly, I like the idea of telling her. It's a quick IoI and a show of your confidence. The IoI is if she chooses to still hug you after you tell her you're going to grab her ass, that means she doesn't mind you grabbing her ass. It also gives her plenty of IoI from your part. Honestly, it sounds golden to me. Drawback is if she decided not to hug him, that's an IoD. Which might discourage someone from any more gaming attempts.

[–]zetetic-elench 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Her declining isn't a drawback, it's a win too, because now you've established disinterest and can move on with the evening. It's literally a win/win. You have an important observation since so many guys are afraid to pull a move like this, but once you reframe your view of the interaction with a new woman into one of rapidly establishing interest, you start to see failure to connect as a success, and become less afraid of bolder moves.

[–]Moldy_Gecko 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Touche...

Which might discourage someone from any more gaming attempts.

To be honest, I don't let IoDs get to me unless they are consistent. And if she's the only girl worth attempting there, I wouldn't mind trying some more game. I was just pointing out to a guy that might not be so good with game, they might just give up. But your insight is good that, that's still a win because they aren't devoting anymore time to this chick that may be difficult to pick up. More time they can spend with the boys I guess.

[–]Ifuckinglovepron 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The decline could be drawback if it drew attention. Depends on situation.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well then you have ammunition to use against her later depending on the situation. I love making fun of people so it would always work out well.

[–]harami_number1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, its not like anyone would go on the internet and tell lies

[–]random_1135 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It is playful

It is confidence

You make your intentions known

It is as smooth as fuck

[–]senator_mendoza[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's one of those things that might sound cool on the internet (to some people...), but it's not for real life. i had a friend who did this kinda shit and i stopped bringing him places because he always made girls uncomfortable.

[–]trp-sama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's your verbal banter. You set yourself apart from everyone else instantly. You put her into your frame because you dont give a fuck about the social norms of all the blue pill guys and you follow though on your promise. She is only coming in for that hug if she wants you to grab that ass, and if she doesn't (come in for the hug) she will be thinking about you while she shakes hands with the rest of the non memorable guys. When she speaks to you a little later you can follow up with something like "oh you want that hug now hun?". You pretty much can't loose here. Unless you are so ugly that she rejects you outright and even then who cares and you get her out of the way quickly.

[–]1naMlliPdeR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow. This entirely fits into my personality. I'm sooooooo using this next time!

[–]WernerSeger -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

While I can see that it will work in alot of situations, especially in the one you mentioned I wouldn't recommend anyone doing this for several reasons. 1. Has she really given consent(I'm no rapefugee), 2. Even if she really has given consent she might not later think it herself(possible prosecution). 3. General public manners.

[–]John_E_Vegas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's purely situational. Sure, you wouldn't pull this stunt at church or in front of her parents.

But in a casual party setting, why not?

[–][deleted] 111 points112 points  (17 children)

Yes! Ass slapping is an art form that should be in every gentleman's repertoire.

You have the glancing slap, which is done in an upward motion with four fingers (no thumb) from the bottom to the top of the cheek. This is done to maximize ass reverb and works especially well for women with ample behinds.

You have the full hand slap, which is done with the full hand, fingers spread, with impact by your palm flush on the cheek. This is done to maximize force and has the greatest shock value.

You also have the smack and squeeze, one and two hand versions. The one hand version should only be attempted on women with round, tight asses.

Finally you have the towel flick on the ass, which should be done sparingly and only attempted by expert marksmen, as this method can cause excessive pain for the targeted ass.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 11 points12 points  (0 children)

For fuck's sake this sub should be an example of witty humor for all to see.

Also, the slap-grab is 100% effective in any and all situations. You own that bum and she needs to know it.

[–]eccentricrealist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

One time my ex was slapping my ass ever so slightly and when I turned to look around she'd roll her eyes and say she didn't do it. So here's one I tried which seemed to work which was the grab but make sure one of your fingers can slide in. Do that shit and carry her and she's yours (assuming you're in a position where you're able to do so without consequence)

[–]Poldonis 9 points10 points  (12 children)

There is another, the power grab. You use all 5 digits except you keep the pointer and middle together. You get the same amount of surface but with the two fingers together it allows for a little more force and a better grab

[–][deleted] -16 points-16 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Poldonis 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Oh, I have a clue, a raging clue in fact!

[–]MasterTrollKing 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Mmm now im starting to get a big clue.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (6 children)

My friend, if you were a true connoisseur of ass you would know of what I speak.

[–][deleted] -7 points-7 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Do not send modmail to my personal inboxCrazyHorseInvincible[M] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Banned.

[–]bigcitytruth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't forget the tap slap. Two light taps and a push after the second tap. It means, "Hurry up let's go."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Towel flick is a risk, gotta have excellent proprioception and precision. Don't want to damage /distance the goods.

I'm partial to the comfort test response, "the hug, grab, and drum", very effective.

I'm surprised you missed the standard side by side. Notable though really only as a response to uncertainty in which of the aforementioned is most appropriate a response.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 193 points194 points  (10 children)

"Possession of the ass is 9/10ths of the law."

--Sayings of Chairman Zaitzev

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (5 children)

Hijacking top comment for man talk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcNGYRKBfHA

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 40 points41 points  (1 child)

The Sean Connery Bond films are a textbook guide to "Amused Mastery".

[–]1Snivellious 39 points40 points  (0 children)

As is the Sean Connery lifestyle. The shootouts were acting, the womanizing wasn't.

[–]CQC3 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Without even looking at this clip and the hint of Bond Films on the comment below...I'm gonna guess it's the beginning of Goldfinger by the pool side.

I remember seeing this clip in class, and a lot of people just either got silent and awkward or some even snorted in snobbery. Meanwhile I was just having an internal dialogue, "see that...? Aspire to that..."

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Fucking hell I love this sub.

[–]hva_vet 74 points75 points  (3 children)

You know you have reached an ass slapping zen-like state when you put your hand out and she sticks dat ass out for a nice slap. Be sure to get the other cheek to even things out.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yes. The work of a master Pavlovian trainer.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My personal fave is the doggy style spank that stings them just enough to make them wiggle while you're pounding balls deep from behind.

But the slick low key "I've got hand" ass-pat/fondle keeps the situation nice and steady. You have to make sure your hand touches their ass on a regular basis, preferably accompanied with a sly smirk or a naughty whisper of "you're going to get it later". They REALLY dig that shit.

Women absolutely love getting their asses playfully spanked. They eat it up like candy on Easter morning.

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points  (27 children)

Physical touch is always a sign of confidence/dominance/comfort.

If you are in a situation where grabbing their ass could land you in trouble, may I suggest: Patting them on head, put an arm around them, put your hand on their shoulder, rub their chin, poke their side.

[–]THERPRP 31 points32 points  (15 children)

I can confirm the head pat, especially in a party setting where you may be vocally limited.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (9 children)

The head pat with a condescending look works so fucking well that sometimes I feel really bad after doing it. Nothing will make someone feel more childish.

My other secret weapon is a big sarcastic "Oooooooh" while pointing at the person who just said something insulting to you or just bragged about something. Exactly how ace ventura does it in the first ace centura when he enters the rich guy's house with his date. I've seen souls shattered using this.

[–]JustACrosshair_ 53 points54 points  (2 children)

I do something like that a lot. Can confirm it's great deflection / grounding. I do it to guys too, learned it from my natural alpha roomate. When girls or guys make some sort of.. stupid scrutinizing observation about you just look at them with a big smile or smirk and say "Oh yeah?" wait a second for them to respond (which they wont) and then give them a pat on the shoulder or head and walk off.

Ex;

"Crosshair_, you are a stupid motherfucker (any random comment that does nothing but force you to react or defend)."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh... Yeah!"

Pat the shoulder and walk way. Can never really lose frame in those situations because doing this subtly demonstrates you are not going to entertain some useless observation and leaves you in a higher position.

Happens to me a lot since I've raised my SMV and had to deal with the thing where people openly mess with you to press your buttons and bring you to their level. You just have to raise your eyebrows and say "Oh yeah?" or "You think so?" or something like that. From watching my roomate, he just says "Okay."

His girl called him lame or something the other day because we were straight talking about our computers in front of her. And he just said "Okay." and we kept talking. She tried to start grabbing on him while we were talking and he pushed her away and told her to leave him alone because we were talking. It was all so spot on.

He doesn't know shit about TRP or anything but I've learned a fucking shit ton just from watching this guy. And him not knowing anything about TRP but seeing all this confirms TRP for me every god damn day.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 15 points16 points  (0 children)

<since I've raised my SMV

The old crab claws reaching out to try to pull you back down to their level. Especially from those who knew a lesser version of you.

[–]marplaneit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This! I actually remember a pretty alpha (woman) teacher.

This guy, the tipical troll, who makes fun of teacher and prank them and shit.

He tried to tease the teacher, calling and trying to say some stupid shit. And she walks slowly, and say Oh Okay! That sound so fun! Now can you shut up?

The whole classroom cracked up. That guy never tried to troll her.

[–]MuleJuiceMcQuaid 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Exactly how ace ventura does it

Found it.

[–]THERPRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the ooohhhhhh. I do this sarcastically with my brothers, now I'm excited to try it when I get a shit test along the lines of "you never xxxxx" or "why can't you xxxx"

[–]94redstealth 6 points7 points  (2 children)

do not attempt if you are shorter than her

[–]RedMoonAscendant 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Met a short guy once who said that's his go-to action with tall girls, patting them on the head. Says it works wonderfully. Why do you think it wouldn't?

[–]94redstealth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

seems like it would come off as a 'poser' move like height enhancing shoes or padding your crotch

[–]JihadDerp 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Yesssssss to the head pat. I do it to every girl I want to fuck. Always gets their emotions riled up which can be transformed into "fuck me" emotions.

[–]ThePantsThief 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learned a surprising amount of things in this thread, I did…

[–]KartagoPill 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Works everytime.

If not? >change the gurl

[–]ITS_JUST_A_WANK_BRO 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Did this on my boss, can confirm it works. Got the big promotion!

[–]MuleJuiceMcQuaid 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Johnson! Slap my ass and call me "Susan".

[–]eccentricrealist 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: The boss was a dude

[–]BlackJ1 17 points18 points  (5 children)

With actions like these, I fight the hell out of my Blue Pill tendencies. The blue pill ideology comes all come flooding back to me with thoughts like:

What if she rejects me? What if she is not comfortable with it? What if she slaps me? What if she reports it as sexual assault?

It took my a while but Is soon began to realize that I would never know if I never tried it.... Good post OP.

[–]1Snivellious 26 points27 points  (1 child)

As for the sexual assault thing, don't do this with anyone you aren't involved with to some degree. It might be fine, but it's not worth the consequences if it isn't.

Beyond that, though, what's she going to do? Call you an ass? At that point you just laugh and shrug. If you're sleeping with the woman in question, it's not really a two-party action.

[–]BrunoOh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you've kissed her, some minor ass touching is probably ok.

[–]OBOllie3003 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Can confirm, in LTR. 75% of the time a nice slap on the ass gets her feeling better again.

Women crave desire, you just have to supply the right kind. Now the other quarter of the time she's either going on about something, really in the zone, or too far gone by the time I catch up. Those instances require a bit more care, so an extra ass slap or grab is recommended.

[–]LabyrinthineDreamer 9 points10 points  (2 children)

But, what if she shit tests further by farting on your hand???

Nah kidding, thanks for the reminder, this is good stuff. I finally have a plate spinning and 2 more NEARLY there, feels great. TRP works.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Lean in for a kiss and burp.

[–]eccentricrealist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Establish dominance by sniffing it then farting on her hand harder.

[–]feminism_victim 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I was at a new girl's (pre-fuckclose) place waiting for her slow ass to get ready to go out for the night (annoying situation I would never wish upon anyone), when she bent down to grab something out of the drawer and said "stop staring at my ass teehee". I dunno if it counts as a shit test, but if so I passed easily when I slapped it and grabbed me a meaty handful.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thats a prime example of a non-verbal agree and amplify.

[–]masnera 6 points7 points  (0 children)

i do slap my LTR (5years)in the ass from time to time, especially when my logic cannot comprehend what she is saying. And if she annoys me too much...i pinched her at the spot...groin..er i dont know what to call it, the spot between the legs and her vagina, i pinch her ...not that hard, but i make sure she feels it...come to think of it...maybe she's triggering me to do it, because she always squeal with joy when im doing it.

EDIT: spelling EDIT: grammar

[–]AmorTheMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha I always do this to my current LTR. And there's this one time when she kept on playing with my nips (she always do this to me and said that she loves my chest), discretely on the sofa, while on their house and her relatives around. Know what I did? I wait for the right timing to pinch back that nips of her. She giggled and kissed me back. They love that shit!

[–]MikePatton-yakyakyak 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Most women are, at the end of the day, whores. To varying degrees, mind you, but whores none the less.
They follow their pussytingles and emotions LOOONG before logic and reason comes anywhere near to being in play,

[–]Endorsed ContributorThe_Titleist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Everything gets better with a good smack on the ass

[–]umlal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So long and thanks for all the memes!

[–]NotUpToAnythingGood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL, it works...

Not sure how, but damn, it works and well.

Been doing this a long time, especially if I'm in the kitchen.

[–]NameOfAction 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you really want to go for the ulimate I own you feeling do a firm over the pants vulva grab. If that doesn't give her a submissive smile then nothing will

[–]1jimjackjoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I once went to a giant professional conference, and whenever I met a new person, I'd shake their hand, then I'd be like, "high five!" And then on the follow-through I'd reach around and slap them on the ass. Everyone laughed, good convo starter. One dude got pissed though and was like, "Yo! Don't touch me like that bro!" And I was like, "Aww relax." And he's like, "No, man! No, no! You don't know me, I'll kick your ass. You a fag or something?" And everyone looked at him like "chill, quit being a douche about getting slapped in the ass by a random stanger," and that was the end of that. Anyway, that was fun. I wasn't doing it with any goal or larger purpose in mind. Just keeping myself entertained in a boring situation.

[–]DeltaRecon2552 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If mine starts shit, I will literally spank her. And she knows I mean it. It works like a fucking charm.

[–]1Maverick1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I usually slap that ass and say, "Gone git now ya here!" when they are leaving my place. Works pretty well.

[–]Borsao66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm Borsao, and I approve this message.

[–]liveyourselfhappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whilst I agree with the sentiment. This is actually a comfort test. However the same still applies. The technique will work either way.

[–]OrangeCub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great advice. It works especially when combined with an I-own-your-soul stare into her eyes.

[–]trptwerp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This will require consideration. I dub my slaps as awards and I do not reward bad behavior. Framing it like this, stops tests and makes her beg for slaps.

[–]Ruski_vodkal0rd -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

This is my usual go to. Sometimes if I'm feeling extra ballsy I'll grab a tit and go "honk honk!"

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

They feel like... bags of sand!

[–]adunk9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Similar to my go-to. If she's being indecisive, I'll poke one of her tits a few times like you'd prod someone in the chest while telling her to decide. Works about 90% of the time.

[–]IronMeltsinmyHands -1 points0 points  (1 child)

The thing that fucks with me is, her shaking her head before she walks away.

Why does she do that? Is she disapproving? And why am I so concerned about this?

[–]hva_vet 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's her feelz overriding her hamster. Her hamster says "you shouldn't smack my azz" but her feelz are saying "damn I like that".