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How to Stop Being an AFC (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

[deleted]


[–]tb87670 75 points76 points  (43 children)

Bookmarked. Just hit another fucking anger phase. Forgetting my prior sexual conquests I'm currently mad as shit from several women flaking on me this week all in a row almost as if they had a fucking conspiracy going on. One. After. The. Other. Each one alone is nothing and I brushed it off, but out of sheer shit luck they ALL flaked and the whole thing turned into a 'straw that broke the camel's back' sort of deal.

I feel almost exactly like I did back in my AFC days. It's a very eerie familiar feeling that I thought I would have never experienced again. This is exactly the kind of post I need to read at this moment.

[–]sorceryofthetesticle 30 points31 points  (2 children)

Fuck it. Go run as hard as you can until you puke, and then keep running. Those dumb cunts are nothing compared to that.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Meanwhile they'll be day drinking with their friends and getting fat. Fuck those bitches.

[–]DJ_CrispySwitchblade 5 points6 points  (0 children)

+1 on the fuck it Remember the point- IDGAF Don't give those trifling hoes power via rejection anger. Burn it off

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (21 children)

Coincidence or extinction event?

[–]tb87670 10 points11 points  (9 children)

Can't be an extinction event. Different websites, different women, I don't use social media and am a tricky bastard to pin down. I lined up 5 meets with 5 different women, a few I recently found online. The first one to go down did not bug me because I double booked yesterday (saturday) and she was bottom of my priority list as a stuck up 5.5 that had way too much LMR, if you recall that is the one I mistakenly called a 'plate' when I meant 'attempted plate'. Anyhow no biggie. But then the rest of them called in during the day. Saturday double booked, both cancelled. Sunday double-booked, both cancelled. Monday booked, cancelled. 3 of the 5 got back to me and kept texting. 1 said sorry. Another attempted to reschedule. 1 did not say sorry nor reschedule but still in contact (neutral pass at best)

Now the reason I double-book days is so when one gal flakes I brush it off and still have play. That has never failed me before. I think this is just a coincidence, almost something of a fluke. But it's leaving me feel like an AFC and that hasn't happened since my first month of lurking here at TRP.

[–]Cookiest 1 point2 points  (7 children)

When you double book and the first is better than you thought, how do you cancel on the second one?

[–]BullshitGenerator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Say you're busy haha. Easy as that. If she wants more she'll get more.

[–]Whiteouter 1 point2 points  (4 children)

How would a girl cancel you?

[–]tb87670 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Same way I would cancel them, excuses ie. one says she has to study, another says something popped up, etc.

[–]Zachar1a 3 points4 points  (1 child)

So why would you get angry about this? They are just cancelling you the same way you would cancel them. What's to get angry about? It's just a numbers game, and this weekend, you lost a few coin flips in a row. It happens.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Expect this to get worse every year. The common denominator with all those women is I bet they felt their SMV was higher than yours at the time. Social media is a game changer for women. Throw up minimal effort and see huge returns that pay off weekly. And even a 5 can bang 8's and 9's regularly. Men really have nothing in the same universe as this. Closest thing is probably being a buff white guy in asia. But thats not sustainable for most. Imagine if you could materialize as a buff white guy in asia anytime you wanted. Thats what most women in the west have available to them 24/7.

[–]tb87670 0 points1 point  (1 child)

UPDATE: Panned out to be an extinction event, though not from the women communicating with each other. Back to zero after a few months of work, currently trying to cultivate IDGAF but feeling pretty bummed. Certain it will pass in a few days, I've been in the doldrums of despair before and this isn't close to being that bad.

A new problem is OKCupid and other sites for my area are pretty much out of women, all either never responded or we tried and it didn't work etc. Going to have to wait a month or two for new ones to join making it pretty hard to bounce back by getting a new woman like I've been doing.

[–]RP15 0 points1 point  (8 children)

A species' failure to reproduce (which requires meeting up) is 100% an extinction event. This is quite an illuminating thought.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (7 children)

Most species only require the top few males to mate. Everyone else gets jack. Thats the way the human race is going. Only the top 20% of males will have any kind of sex life. Everyone else will be fighting for scraps at best. At least in the west.

[–]trp-sama 0 points1 point  (5 children)

All the more reason to move yourself into that top bracket. The way I see it and what I believe most RP men would agree with is that this is a good thing for us. You have the tools that most men don't. You understand the system. Time to make that shit deal turn into your great deal.

No chance of extinction event. Please believe guys are still getting laid.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Im not one of the RP optimists. I dont think just hitting the gym makes you top 20%. Its heavy genetics among other things. If you really look at how much of an epidemic thirsty males are; no, most guys arent getting laid. Not in any meaningful way at least.

[–]trp-sama 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Genetics might keep you (and me) out of the top 5 or 10%, but lifting, living a good life, and knowing the score (redpill) can take you pretty far. Maybe your area is different but what I see around me keeps me pretty hopeful. It's rare I see a top their male around. I don't worry about movie stars or pro athletes because they aren't here trying to compete with me for girls.

What I'm trying to say is aim for the top and you can get into the top tier of your competitors. That's what really matters when you are trying to take a girl from the bar or store around town.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Idk, I think too many people tell themselves that. False hope and all. BUT If you :

Have strong six figure income

Are built like the hulk

Have absolute perfect style in every way

Rapist wit

Social proof like no tomorrow

Gifted in the required arts

Game that books are written about

Then I suppose you could possibly run with the big dogs. If you don't have all those things locked down, or have perfect genetics, I think you are fooling yourself. You might have some fun though so it's not the end of the world.

[–]trp-sama 0 points1 point  (1 child)

True. However I'm just saying you have to work with what you got. Can't change everything, but every little bit helps.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It certainly wont hurt and is a valuable exercise. Provided you dont lie to yourself. Thats the line where it can start to become damaging. But my opinion is there is no room for lying to yourself for any reason.

[–]MelvinRedPill 13 points14 points  (7 children)

I have a similar feeling right now.

Pretty sure my recent (and currently) only plate has lost interest. She said she doesn't care if I fuck other people or anything and she doesn't want to do any "gay" shit like sleepover etc.

This hurt because I was it was a nice thing we had going, and it was feeling very lovey.

Then yeah, now it's probably over. So I took her for her word, went on a tinder date about 2 hours after she said this, and now the new date is coming over tonight to probably fuck.

Either the old plate won't care, won't find out, or she'll get jealous and I'll be in control again.

But I feel like I'm back in the weak anger phase, and I feel stupid for breaking frame. I should have known that AWALT and you can NEVER show you care, EVER.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to tell someone.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Sounds like she's already fucking someone else and you're getting the soft goodbye. Don't take her hypergamy personal. You never owned her, and you managed not to over-invest. Build your immunity to breakup pain and you're that much closer to freedom.

[–]MelvinRedPill 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Thanks man. I appreciate that.

It still stings like a bitch though.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 4 points5 points  (2 children)

The other plausible explanation is that she's getting the feels for you and breaks it off before you do to save herself from pain. Don't take what they say literally. Sometimes the exact opposite is closer to the truth. Being able to roll with whatever keeps you from overreacting to a woman's bullshit games of social and emotional maintenance.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I had this wisdom 20 years ago. Happy to have it now. I appreciate all the comments here. Thx all.

[–]_the_shape_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Try to imagine a likely scenario in the future, with some other dude uttering something very similar, and you counseling him: "Been there before. Trust me. You'll get through this, but always remember, she's never yours, it's only your turn"

[–]Jester2552 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Currently in a rut like this. Hold fast my friend. We all have bad stretches of luck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly what it is. Guy seems to be running game on point, so I doubt he's been slacking on building SMV

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

you didn't have anything better to do, that a girl flaking on plans leaves you angry?

I wonder if one would be angry at ones self for not having a life outside of women, rather than them not acting as one wants them to

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you do you.

If girls are the goal, it gets old quick. I'm saying this as an older guy who'se been there

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, they all knew each other on Facebook or something, guaranteed. Maybe in real life, who knows?

[–]jace81 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the conspiracy was probably you showing too much interest somehow with all of them..?

[–]genjuro_zero 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Sounds like you're allowing yourself to be validated by these women and whether or not they show up.

[–]tacoexplorer 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Badass post OP. The IDGAF complex is like blending stoicism with the positives of nihilism. You literally don't care, because there are 8 billion fucking people on this planet and you're free to do whatever you want.

It's also important to note that not giving a fuck infuriates lesser men and attracts women simultaneously. Powerful.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Blending stoicism with the positives of nihilism ... I like that. I like that a fucking lot.

[–]tacoexplorer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I truly find it to be the best of both worlds

[–]1StoicCrane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a self-proclaimed stoic, post approved!

[–]sorceryofthetesticle 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Excellent post OP, a realistic, simple solution to all of our problems.

My own spin:

THIS is the plight of modern society: Men don't have to fucking work. Think of all the soft-palmed, weak-willed pussies you knew in college (hint: most guys, I was one myself). None of them have had to struggle physically, they don't know what it's like to work more than their body thinks it wants to.

The ability to do that is honestly the source of everything we look for at trp.. Think about blue collar men who work with their hands: you can't possibly give a shit about what people think when you're hoisting 100 lb. sacks of roofing shingles up a ladder all day. You're almost constantly on a body high. If you can allow yourself some pride in your labor, you also don't give a shit what other people have that you don't, because you know exactly what you have and how to overcome your struggles.

Lifting is great, but to all you unemployed or younger guys reading this post, seriously consider take some time to do HARD labor. Get a job in the housing trades (construction, roofing, masonry, landscaping etc), and find a boss who rides your ass to work harder. It will fucking suck, but I promise you, one day you'll start to notice how great you feel after work, how amped you will be to wake up early to start getting shit done, and how little you give a shit about that bar slut who you got hung up on a few months ago.

[–]kazaul 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Interestingly, a similar approach works with mental labor, though slower and not with a physical rush. Key is to do something that's intensive on your mind (logic, math, etc) and push yourself 16-18 hours a day or more, relentlessly, until you can't take it and are going insane.

Rather than crash, head out, have a good night, and same effect will result. Takes a bit more discipline - and maybe you shouldn't do this unless you got good mental fortitude, as the crash-and-burn process is brutal on the mind - but has proven to be the key to making my current work cycle function. I'd be entirely listless and crushed by depression otherwise.

[–]RoronoaFair98 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Totally dude, I remember 6 years ago when I was intensily studying for a physics and math competition, I didn't give ANY fucks but was a social butterfy non the less This may be the reason men with a fixed goal are so charismatic

[–]xpoizone -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When there's course material I understand (in Engineering) it gives me a high that I can only compare to deadlifting at the gym. Everything falls into place and I feel powerful against the onslaught of questions in the textbook.

[–]fuzsylogic 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This is perfect, there's no way around it, thank you.

[–]chaseemall 14 points15 points  (2 children)

It's interesting that you say it this way. I've noticed that I'm much more functional socially when in a sleep deprived state, despite being significantly impaired cognitively.

Perhaps the lifting is similar. IDGAF is simply a realistic examination of consequences; namely that for most of your actions in the social sphere, there aren't any. The creation of the effect, nonreactivity, seems to work well on reinforcing this truth.

[–]1StoicCrane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was like this when I got my license. First time I took the test I was nervoue AF. Second time I was o focused on other things only slept about 2 hours the day prior. Whike driving I was as calm as a monk and only cared about sleeping. Passed needless to say.

[–]UndecidedThrownaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a great post. I agree with you completely.

[–]IWISHIWASASECRET 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Best advice I can give during this process is - Think logically, not emotionally.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very much so. It's a great reminder for everyone to have. Logic over emotions.

When one is faced with a situation where anxiety ramps up, we tend to go into rationalization mode. The excuses we come up with can at first glance seem innocent and logical, however, the whole rationalization was born from our anxiety and us wanting to rid ourselves of it. It's a defense mechanism.

Talking to a stranger is no more difficult (in the logical sense) than riding your bike. But at some point we were anxious about riding our bikes for the first time and some times after that. However, we grew accustomed to the whole process.

I still get somewhat anxious, and don't jump head first into every thing I want. I'm getting better every day and what I can conclude is: not a single one of all the social interactions I've had with complete strangers have resulted in what I perceive as a negative result. People have treated me friendly even though they rejected me.

[–]MaladjustedMale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I love this sub. I've been lurking for around 6 months now, first on my main account then I made this one. I'm commenting for the first time tonight, 5 months after my one-itis of two years ended it with me, tonight a friend of mine told me she was cheating on me. This whole time I was thankful for not being one of the cucked guys who found this but turns out I was. But I opened TRP and found this and it's the most perfect reality. Thank you so much, I'm looking forward to my journey now and I realize the idgaf attitude is really what I need right now. I know it won't be easy but this post, and everything TRP, will be my life now and though swallowing the pill will be hard at times I know I need to stop tongue fucking it in my mouth and swallow. Thanks to you, all the ECs, all the mods, and everyone who puts in the time to this sub. edit: some typos and rephrasing of shit that didn't make sense.

[–]metallica11 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I remember when I had a high grade fever and went to the grocery store, I literally started talking to this 9/10 next to me on the grocery store line. Starting give chit to her. She loved it.

I didn't even fucking realize that the only reason why I did that was because I was way too sick to feel anything but being sick. No anxiety/nerves nothing.

[–]Regularguygamebrah 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Can confirm. Have not given a fuck for the past ~3 months and went completely overboard and am currently looking to balance the IDGAF mentality. Result still 100% better than giving a fuck.

[–]1IamGale 2 points3 points  (4 children)

What do you mean you went overboard?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The issue I see would be this:

Work - IDGAF.

Cop has his gun on me - IDGAF.

Im getting evicted - IDGAF.

Thats the only thing that stops me from going 100% IDGAF. If you DGAF enough, you might die. In a not fun way.

[–]Regularguygamebrah 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Like cut potentially good plates off bc I felt like it. Got bjs and then just walked off bc fuck it. Talking to girls who were really into me and great plate material but nexted them bc of stupid shit. It has taken me about 3 full months of practicing not giving a fuck before being able to control the reins. It's kinda like when you level your Pokemon over the badge limit. They're strong and good but without the proper training, they don't serve you well.

[–]1StoicCrane 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Great analogy. Elaborate a little more. Thought all pokémon over the badge limit were relentless.

[–]Regularguygamebrah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok elebaoration (excuse me if this is jumbled a bit I'm on my phone):

So I have me, who I am as a person and what I stand for. This are the principles that guide my life decisions. That person is the trainer. My starter Pokemon is a Chad. And although you can get others, this is my go to guy.

So when I encounter other trainers (women) they throw out their Pokemon, the main one being princess. Princess a huge weakness to Chad. As Chad gains experience through these battles, he eventually makes his way to trainer battles. These girls have a TON of tools in their tool box to manipulate them (Pokemon of varying types that are well versed).

When you meet a trainer, you will know it. You will lose the first time. Your Chad will faint and you will be left with only the trainer. This is a very scary outcome but to be the best, you must go through it. These interactions will shape how you train your Chad further refining his skill set.

VERY few people get to meet the trainer (who I really am). Extremely few people throughout my 28 yrs have seen this guy. I have a professional Pokemon, a studious Pokemon, and bar Pokemon, a walking around a retail store Pokemon, etc.

It is helpful to train these aspects of your life. Remove yourself from them just a bit, while still maintain full control, just like a trainer will do during a battle.

Having go to plans of action for taking other trainers on. Professor wants to test me? I'll go to his office hours every day and force him to take interest in my grade. Employees don't wana work for me? Do their job right in front of them like its my own until they tell me to stop.

Girls giving me the cold shoulder? Ask her some general things about herself, tease her about those things while she's yapping away, mention something smart like cognitive embodiment, grab her hand and tell her she'll never be the same bc I reached out and touched her, heavy eye contact, activate dimples, suggest we get out of there, hit her with the hyperbeam... Err unexpected swoop and kiss. (Notice that last one I used a lot of status changing moves and not a lot of physical moves. You switch your Pokemon out depending on what the opposing trainers Pokemon is. I always keep a jiggly puff or claifairy in my line up bc of their status heavy moves -sing,sleep,recover,hyperbeam - and although my Chad appears tough, just like in red or blue, my Pokemon are well versed and the battles or more like chess matches than they are sumo matches)

So the badge limit comes into play. Specifically when Charizard overtook ash in the cartoon. Without enough badges or experience from the trainer, the overpowered Pokemon doesn't listen to the trainer. It can be relentless or lathargic.

In my recent experience it was relentless. I was breaking hearts left and right. This isn't something I'm really into so eventually the actions of my Pokemon caught up to the ethic of the trainer. One principle i operate under is making genuine connections and because I gave so few fucks, I had inner conflict with a belief I held strongly. I had to reevaluate not only how I was training my Pokemon but also the values I hold. Have they changed? Where do I want this change to go? How can I get myself there? What techniques do I need to tweek on my Chad it dispel this conflict? You get the idea.

Being mean isn't always fun and I'm really fuckin good at it. Sometimes it's fun to watch your Charizard rek an oddish but other times it's better just to run form the battle and find another one that'll make you gain substantial experience.

[–]submitted_5_days_ago 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is no spoon.

You just cannot not give a fuck.

You give a fuck about what's worth give a fuck, the natural consequence is that you don't give a fuck about what's not worth give a fuck.

Analogy/metaphor:

Opportunity Cost.

You just cannot not doing something. You spend energy and time on what is worth doing, consequently you do not spend energy and time doing what is not worth doing.


You give a fuck about what other people think of you only to further your own agenda. If what they think of you do not further it, then you must steer their thinking to further it. That's the only reason to care about what other people think of you.

One simple example for those who need examples: Brand yourself, you'll see every interaction as an opportunity to further your brand.


Game everything you can think of.

[–]dxfifa 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Good post. I'm an AFC My problem has been that IDGAF about anything at all, not even myself. I have never had any ability to motivate myself internally. Not sure how to work on this

[–]1thiasus 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I'm an AFC My problem has been that IDGAF about anything at all, not even myself.

Do you truly not give a fuck, or do you care but you see yourself beyond redeption and thus have sled into apathy?

[–]dxfifa 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think you're right. IDGAF about what others think at all. But my lack of ability to achieve even the smallest goals or to persist in anything has meant I avoid trying to do things because nothing good will happen. Only anxiety and failure. I have a brain injury which caused mild cerebral palsy, but more relevant is my extreme ADHD-like lack of executive function and focus. I get extreme anxiety from lack of stimulation and also from not being able to concentrate on and complete things i need to do. It seems like what normal people get when bored or distracted easily except exponentially worse.

TL;DR You are right. I don't know if i can fix the issues that have ruined me.

[–]1thiasus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Only anxiety and failure. I have a brain injury which caused mild cerebral palsy, but more relevant is my extreme ADHD-like lack of executive function and focus.

Like I told another guy, if you have brain chemistry issues you need those sorted first because they'll screw with your action/reward cycle and thus render your efforts futile. Whatever you can do to gain access to a physician that can give you what you need is what you should focus on.

[–]ShounenEgo 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Great post!

Want to detect someone who gives fucks on Reddit? Find the person who deletes his opinionated post after he gets hammered by downvotes. Source: I used to be one.

Which brings me to another exercise: Don't be ashamed to express your opinion, the same way you don't feel weak when they tell you that you're wrong, and they are right. Even if you were wrong (which will happen lots of times, assuming that you don't put your ego as a shield - another rookie mistake) you just learned what's correct, you grew smarter, you improved. How's that a bad outcome?

Let the little men focus on the temporary feeling of "victory" from proving you wrong. You're in for the long game, and learning happens even from people that you hate. Fine, he/she "won" the argument, learn whatever you can, give no fucks and move on. Shame for being corrected is for the blue pilled idiots who identify themselves not from the ability to reason but from the knowledge in itself.

[–]1StoicCrane 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The best way to foster an IDGAF mindset on social media is to be that guy everyone down votes. If an article or publication seems like bull or is framed from a biased perspective call it for what it is.

It's more satisfying to receive 3 upvotes on an honest opinion with 400 down votes, beraters, haters, etc, than receive 1000 upvotes on a vanilla, groupthink comment. At least a few people genuinely share the same mindset and that's good enough.

[–]ShounenEgo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't agree with you more. Reddit's system doesn't even inherently encourage discourse unless there are strict rules already set (like here, for example).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm like this, I'm ashamed a lot. A lot of times recognizing how disorganized they are.

[–]JediBytes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How does one go about not giving a fuck if one is usually rather timid?

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lift. Seriously. Build your physical stature... or develop a skill that makes you stand out. Practice the 30 day challenges. Talk to people. You could jump in with both feet or engage 1 person at a time. Get comfortable in your own skin.

[–]twatbutter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never delete my comments on reddit, and in the same vain, I never take back what I say in person, since I mean what I say. Apologizing is popular with the BP society we live in, but it is a very deleterious act if done incorrectly. You make yourself look like a weak flake, and people assume that you wouldn't express the same opinion when under the pressure of BP shaming tactics-- they look at you as "less" subsequently.

[–]DforDeadpool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I knew a natural alpha. He said that "If you are worrying about something, just say fuck that in your head. That girl rejected you? Fuck that. You made a fool of yourself? Fuck that. Your parents got a divorce? Fuck that. Your home burned down to the ground? Fuck that."

Solid advice. It's basically rewiring your mind to NGAF. I wish I was better at NGAF.

[–]twatbutter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have to say, it always amazes me how vituperative people become towards you when you start making an active strive to improve your life. Back when I lost weight years ago, or when I started hitting the gym hard to bulk a year and a half after, my family and friends would all give me shit, but not outright. To clarify, they'd be "encouraging" in the most superficial way about my hard work in retrospect, but on a day-to-day level they'd always sneak in snide comments to put my morale down and make me feel bad for what I was doing. A lot of people ask "oh when I was losing weight, everyone was encouraging! Does it really happen to other people a lot?" This is a specific explanation of what I think goes on-- it's a slow burn though not an outright condemnation of you going to the gym.

As always, people only care about the end-product. They don't give a shit about the hard work that it takes to get there-- that task falls on you and only you. Once you stop using external motivation as an impetus for this, you also stop considering external "unmotivation" as anything but envy on someone else's part.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I found that if I don't observe others positive attributes I don't try to obtain them myself and aspire to learn something form them. This could be anything from clothing style to appearance to behavioral traits. I know this could be considered comparing yourself but I actually improve permanently learning from others. If I truly go DGAF I become passive and quit competing.

What is your take on competing while internalizing the IDGAF method? Is there room to strive to become better through competition?

I'm obviously talking about self improvement moments and private research/work. Social interactions full on IDGAF is obviously the way to go.

[–]dmitri_adkins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow! This is exactly what i was looking for! I've been stuck since october, sick of constant failures, always worrying about what people might think about me. I really hate feeling that way. & then i read this post. Now i'm going to put it in practice! Thx /u/thiasus !

[–]rakov 2 points3 points  (30 children)

When I don't give a fuck, I have nothing to do. The only thing I may care about is other people opinion. I can ignore it easily, but then I'm left with even more crippling depression than before.

All your examples feel like lying to myself. Lifting for myself? But I don't want to lift, it's boring as hell and I'd rather play video games. Talking to chicks because I want to? The only thing I actually want is to fuck, and saying "hi, let's go fuck" won't get me anywhere.

Believe me, I know how to not give a fuck. I have what feels like derealization - when world is not more "real" than any of MMORPG - I've been diagnosed with depressive stuff from childhood, I'm a 23 virgin who rarely speaks to anyone or leaves home at all, my room is a complete mess, and I'm too lazy to even play games, so I lay there staring at the display until I become irritated enough to at least go argue online.

Irritation is the only thing that gets me out of the bed. And it's easy to become irritated by how unsuccessful and miserable, by other people's criteria, I am - so I'm happy to use it.

[–]1thiasus 5 points6 points  (6 children)

I'm a 23 virgin who rarely speaks to anyone or leaves home at all, my room is a complete mess, and I'm too lazy to even play games

You're not an AFC, you are severely depressed. Your problems belong to another category and thus can't be solved with this same strategy: IDGAF would fuel an inner spark of motivation that you don't have.

An AFC possess the basics of life. You don't and you need to build them, starting from your living space (i.e. cleaning you room daily). It's very possible that you need a fix to your brain chemistry first, because if your effort/reward mechanism is chemically fucked nothing is going to work. That means you need a prescription, which means you need to see a therapist.

[–]rakov 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Maybe meds would help, but then it would mean meds made my life better, not me. I'll lose my chance to remedy myself, forever. To restore my honor, revenge myself for 23 years of being miserable. So no. Unless I find a way myself, I must suffer, because that's what I deserve.

[–]1thiasus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you want to wallow in depression and refuse to do the smart thing because you feel like at least that way you exercise a measure of control over your life, you are kidding yourself. A tool isn't a moral agent and doesn't bear the merit for jack shit, if you choose to get meds the responsibility for the results is yours just as if you had used a hammer instead of your fist to drive a nail into hard wood.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I must suffer, because that's what I deserve.

Bullshit. And fuck you too. Go see a therpist. Work on your brain chemistry. You're only 23. In a couple years you will be a new man. Don't fucking wait to be 40 something. Go start working on yourself NOW.

[–]rakov 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I've been there at childhood many times, it's a terrible place. It's free and ruled by government, and basically is "light version of prison" for people who misbehave. Your parents, or someone, call a police and doctors, they transport you to the "clinic", take away your clothes and anything you have, and lock you in a "department" which has like 30+ people in few rooms without doors and with a lot of beds. Nobody really talks to you or cares who you are or why you did it in general, they just prescribe some generic pills with severity depending on what you got in for. Then you spend all day in with nothing to do, for about few months on average before they decide you've been there enough and it's time to make some room for new patients. There is meal time three times a day, some people are allowed to do labor to get more food from what's left over - usually mopping the floor, but I suck at mopping so I didn't get lucky unfortunately, there is competition for who does it best. Before (or after? can't quite recall) meal time there is pills distribution, everyone gets in line and when they call your name you get your pills and drink them, but you can avoid it and hide them behind teeth to spit out after.

It's not that bad, but boring, and various meds they prescribed never helped or did basically anything. They also don't tell patients the diagnosis, so I'm not sure what were they treating. Fortunately, as adult I don't have to go anywhere and they can't force me until I really fuck up, so I decided to simply ignore all invitations and stopped taking meds. I'm not going back.

[–]1StoicCrane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Experienced something similar. In college I was racially profiled at a State and didn't have my idea to prove I was a student. The campus PD manhandled me threw me, in an ambulance, destroyed a new bought jacket purchased by a family friend, stole my diamond earring, and drugged me straight to the hospitalso I ccouldn't retaliate.

Needless to say I didn't return to the campus and have been getting my kife together ever since. Those psychiatric facilities from personal experiences are just a sham. It's all medical funded from designed to turn the public into drug induced hamsters.

They have no interest to help their clients resolve anything. Their sole objective is to keep their clients hooked to keep their wallets fat. Been nowhere near a therapist for years and my life is excellent.

It's all about being accountable for one's own health and well-being through diet and exercise. These government Institutions are nothing short of crooked.

[–]1StoicCrane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Experienced something similar. In college I was racially profiled at a State and didn't have my idea to prove I was a student. The campus PD manhandled me threw me, in an ambulance, destroyed a new bought jacket purchased by a family friend, stole my diamond earring, and drugged me straight to the hospitalso I ccouldn't retaliate.

Needless to say I didn't return to the campus and have been getting my kife together ever since. Those psychiatric facilities from personal experiences are just a sham. It's all medical funded from designed to turn the public into drug induced hamsters.

They have no interest to help their clients resolve anything. Their sole objective is to keep their clients hooked to keep their wallets fat. Been nowhere near a therapist for years and my life is excellent.

It's all about being accountable for one's own health and well-being through diet and exercise. These government Institutions are nothing short of crooked.

[–]chaseemall 7 points8 points  (1 child)

If the games seem more real than reality, perhaps it's time to start treating reality as a game.

[–]rakov 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's a shitty game with terrible gameplay, full of grind and bugs.

[–]skinny_fat_monster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're confusing doing shit and not giving a fuck with straight apathy.

[–]dxfifa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally get that man. Internal stimuli are almost impossible to find when you're depressed. I'm similar to you. IDGAF about what other people think. But I also neglect myself

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children)

If you ever want to change you need to get rid of or limit your time on games and computer. For those that are serious they give them away.

Your body would realign yourself but only if you let it. Circumstances would realign. Some of your needs will become your wants. Your beliefs will change.

It will be stressful at first but then you will get used to it. Whenever I go back to a similar place like yours I go back to hell.

You'll need to spend your irritation on planning a better day. The more you are comforted by your shit the more you would doubt yourself and kill yourself.

Your irritation is your last beacon of hope. Emotions motivate and logic gets things done. Using your mind to justify apathy is like ignoring your emotions (and surroundings); they're real and they're whispering, learn to listen.

You're drowning yourself in your games or other shits. Sometimes the hardest thing is to stop... then motivation will come, believe the silence and stay with it despite irritation. Then when you can't take it go outside. Irritation is bliss in disguise.

[–]rakov -1 points0 points  (10 children)

PC is my whole life, if I shut it down, what's left? Empty room with a bed, empty city with no possible activies, empty life with literally nothing to do.

Well, actually not, I also have a tablet with internet so I'll just use it to do same things. But if I get rid of tablet, then I'll stay with nothing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children)

I don't know. What's left is your life. You choose.

You can't really 'see' what's on top of a mountain without climbing it. Your comment is not really doing you any service except keeping you where you are.

At this point you can start anywhere and adjust as you go on.

If the city is empty you fill it somehow, you create not take.

I'd take the tablet since it's harder for me to play on it and I use it like a dictionary.

It's going to be hard for you to give it up, I want to say just limit your usage of your computer but you're most likely not going to do it without something biting you in the ass. I'm just telling you its something I found helpful, I can lead you to the path I can't make you take it.

[–]rakov -1 points0 points  (8 children)

It's going to be hard for you to give it up, I want to say just limit your usage of your computer but you're most likely not going to do it

Hey, I don't like my PC. If there'd be something else, I'd happily stop shitposting on reddit and grinding stupid missions. But there isn't.

If the city is empty you fill it somehow, you create not take.

That doesn't give me any idea of direction. I have literally nowhere to go, I get out of my apartment and it's just city blocks, city blocks, city blocks all the way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Go to the gym, hire a trainer if you don't know. When I started I literally bought starting strength to read and a guy came up to me to help.

library, grind down on the list of classic

music class, play the piano, research some songs you want to play

coffee shop, get some coffee and chat with idle people there that are as bored as you are.

take a class in your local community college about anything.

join a meetup, toastmasters

It takes effort but you're not even going to start without giving up your comfort.

[–]rakov -2 points-1 points  (6 children)

Most of these (reading books, making music, chatting, learning) are better done online. But the point is, I don't feel like doing any of that anyway.

It takes effort but you're not even going to start without giving up your comfort.

Why would I give up comfort? Comfort is cool, struggling isnt.

I admit though, what I said about nowhere to go is kinda hypocritic. I'm not sure why I refuse any of options I have. Like work, gym, courses, whatever. I just feel inside that all this sucks even more than what I have now. That life sucks, generally.

I just feel like refusing anything, I can't tell why.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

You can't see it without doing it yourself.

You wrote a post, I thought you would like to know the alternative when its time if ever.

I been somewhere similar where you are. People will also look down on you but who cares about them. Too much comfort is death.

[–]rakov -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

So, what this alternative is? I guess work is better than gym or courses (since it gives you money which give you the world), and starting my own business is better than work (because it gives more money), so that's what I must be doing - but I don't feel like it at all. Alternatively, I'd try to replace internet with daydreaming, but then again, while it may be fun I don't have initial inspiration required for it.

Actually, that's probably what I should do anyway. I tried spending 6 hours in my bed without PC, I was pretty bored and my mind kinda faded out, and it scared me. But I should probably try doing it for 3 days straight at least, because maybe it gets better then. Maybe it will help me to sort out mess in my head.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a step at a time my friend, sometimes you just need to stop doing your shit. You'll find a way believe it.

[–]die_eating 1 points1 points [recovered]

I just feel like refusing anything

Like someone mentioned above, your chemistry is messed up. It probably has been for over a decade. The artificial dopamine injections a la video gaming, Internet browsing, porn, straight up murdering your testosterone thru inactivity and depression-wallowing.. It's a self-perpetuating cycle that's SO hard to break out of because you're forcing yourself to do what you don't want to do. Except it's not just unwillingness for you. It's total full-body dread, utter apathy, and more than a little fear.

Work hard to reset your chemistry, as well as your fucked up (non-existent?) reward loop. There are endless sources on this topic on the Internet use that shit. Trust me, doing shit you don't want to do, naturally shouldn't be THAT hard.

Realize it's going to be fucking hard. But also realize the cycle will never break itself.

[–]rakov -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

I'm too lazy to search and read those sources, can you summ that up for me? I don't feel rewarded even when I achieve something indeed.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

dude are you my copy? :D im absolutely the same, even the age. I absolutely agree with what you wrote - if i DGAF i would lay all day in bed and play games (now i do it only half a day). The only thing that gets me to do sth is pressure from outside, if i cut it off my life would be even bigger failure than it already is.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (4 children)

If you could get into mediation, the not thinking or feeling anything meditation, youd own it. Youre already half way to monk master.

[–]rakov -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I'm into some introspective things indeed. I dont see how not feeling or thinking would be beneficial for me, though, since it's like being dead and thats what I try to avoid, not reach. I hunt for emotions during meditation, trying to find and identify them, then feel as hard as possible.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I guess Im the opposite. Since death is inevitable why not start unfeeling now. But then I did a bunch of feeling already. So maybe Im over that.

[–]rakov -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Because it's like score in arcade games. The point is not never finishing, it's finishing with highest score possible, and you try to earn more until you're out of lives.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Meh. Guess I just dont GAF anymore.

[–]QPRCHOC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post. This really hit home for me. Whether I'm at the gym lifting xkg or studying a certain amount of hours I constantly compare my numbers to others. When I've finished my exams the motivation to study goes out the window - NO EXTERNAL STIMULUS. Really thought-provoking stuff, thanks.

[–]Marr0w1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey this is pretty good. I'd say this is similar to people who actually do interesting shit, travel the world, blow shit up, whatever. When they get back to their regular routine, it becomes easy for them to see how petty everything is, and just DGAF. I've been here temporarily, but then after a while, I find I start giving fucks again

[–]jackpreston098 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–]Sketti-Os 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've always referred to this as "Office Space mentality" the mindset that Peter is in for the first half of the movie. Completely BAMF.

[–]Josewasframed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are so fucking tired you literally do not have the energy to give a fuck.

Such a great analogy. Good work.

[–]basedkitty6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ice T - Fuck It

He puts it very well

[–]fag981 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can we not use PUA terminology like AFC around here?

[–]NeoreactionSafe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The sequence from AFC (beta) forward goes:

  • Beta ---> No Frame

  • MGTOW ---> Frame

  • Alpha ---> Frame + Game

So basically the IDGAF attitude is central to Kill the Beta and establish the ego boundry that defines a man acting out of freedom.

The beta is not "free", he is "attached to need" that comes from others approval.

The sequence could be seen as:

  • Beta ---> No Freedom, No Liberty

  • MGTOW ---> Freedom, but No Liberty

  • Alpha ---> Freedom, Liberty

To have Freedom is to be "separated" from the herd mind. To have Freedom is to NOT imitate others, but to NGAF and think for yourself.

To have Liberty is to ACT on your free will and use Game to make your best attempt to gain Power in the world outside yourself. Since Power is always limited you must be stoic about your results through Game and adopt an Abundance Mentality with Outcome Independence which in effect says:

"I cannot have certainty that my Game will be successful, but I am certain that I have unlimited capacity to keep pressing my advantage seeking a positive outcome."

 

[–]Donald_Fuck 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Some of the most IDGAF times in my life have been when I'm sleep deprived. This method sounds more productive and I have experienced the feeling you speak of, after an intense workout. It makes sense. I will try this OP, thank you.

[–]1thiasus -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Sleep deprivation produces the same kind of exhaustion but leaves me far too cognitively impaired for me to make the most use of the state. Also, training is good for my health and for my goals and is very sustainable, sleep deprivation is bad for both and is unsustainable.

[–]raydid 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Extra tips for people with social anxiety?

[–]iiaGrer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Social anxiety is a label. It's caring to much about what others think and thinking too little of oneself. Everyone is infinitely self absorbed. Once a conversation is over and people part ways most of the conversation is forgotten and they both go back into an internal loop of thoughts.

[–]JediBytes -1 points0 points  (1 child)

How does one go about not giving a fuck if one is usually rather timid?

[–]SwissPablo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've seen plenty of FRs on here where a guy unintentionally doesn't give a fuck and gets instant results. It's a very powerful tool indeed.

[–]whisky1111 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

IDGAF is the answer!

I also refer to it as the 3 L's "Living Life Loosely"

[–]BassNet -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Question: doesn't this contradict law 5 from the 48 laws of power? You have to give a fuck of what people think of you in order to maintain a positive reputation, I think. I'm talking about social circle, by the way.

[–]Monkey_Jerk -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Nah when I'm tired is when I get the most anxiety. The last thing I want to do after lifting is socialise. I used to play soccer competitively too. After a match or training sessions I didn't want to speak to anyone. I find anger gets me in a IDGAF state on occasions though.

[–]wakocid -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Funny, I would have thought there would be no, 0, comments.....