Summary: Men bear the burden of performance … women bear the burden of choice. And we all want what we don’t have.
A few months ago, /u/detsnam posted what I thought was one of the most insightful series of comments into the Male Romantic Fantasy. He pointed out that for men, love is an active thing, an act of labor … whereas for women, it is a passive thing. “Falling in love” is something that “just happens”. Men bear the burden of performance.
Thus, for men, the fantasy is to be loved for who he is, not what he does. To quote detsnam:
When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved.
In short, men fantasize about finding the opposite of the reality they face. The thing is, women are no different in that regard. Men perform, while women typically sit around and choose. Their only real job is to look attractive so men will come perform for them. So that they can then choose. Women bear the burden of choice.
Thus, for women, the fantasy is to be chosen.
But here’s the catch: you can’t just be chosen by anyone. Choice implies options.
A little Field Report for you guys. So recently one of my plates came back … a hot twenty-something Russian girl. Hadn’t seen or talked to her in months. She was “mad at me” last we talked, don’t remember why. Soft next. But out of the blue, she pops up 6 months later … and she’s back in my bed the first night we meet up.
Now here’s the thing: she’s not the first. I’ve been with quite a few women over the last 12 months, but I’ve had 4 girls I considered Main Plates, i.e. slept with them at least 10 times over the course of months. And for all of them, it was the same story, they eventually “wanted more”, which I was unwilling to give. And of those 4, three of them have come back … sometimes months later. 75% batting average (3/4). And the other one? Well she just “broke up” with me a couple weeks ago for the similar reasons. I suspect she might be back too at some point.
Being in my mid-30’s now, I find this all curious. A bunch of twenty-something women fluttering about. If you had told me prior to my Red Pill journey back in my mid-20’s that this was possible, I would have told you that you were crazy. Yet the more aloof, the more non-committal, I am, the higher my perceived value. The more willing I am to walk away, the more they follow.
Because a man who is willing to walk away is a man that, by definition, has options.
All women want to be chosen. We sometimes conflate that with “being alpha”, but that is only part of the story. They want to be chosen by the alpha. Why?
Because someone who is above you by definition chooses you. The reverse cannot be true.
But in the same vein, any man with options is one who chooses. A man who is willing to walk away is one who chooses. A man who has clear boundaries and doesn’t put up with shit is one who chooses. A man who is willing to say anything to a woman regardless whether she stays or goes is one who chooses. A man who is aware that all things are a power struggle, is one who chooses. A man with a mission, is one who chooses. A man who is in control, is one who chooses. A man who is powerful, both mentally and physically, is one who chooses.
Women want to be chosen.
Frame is a reflection of your ability to choose, your number of options. One who is cornered has no frame. It is why TRP suggests assuming formlessness … a man who is everything, but no thing, is one with unlimited possibilities.
Ironically, Feminism has spent the last half-century trying to convince women that they don’t want to be chosen (“you go girl”), and trying to convince men that they shouldn’t have a choice …