Summary: "Communication" is, for women, a synonym for "making demands". Women are used to getting their demands met, constantly; hence why they think "talking to your partner" about their problems (aka an ultimatum) is such a successful tactic. It is... for them.
In this post, I use the word "relationship" to refer to any relationship with a girl, friend, plate, coworker, or LTR. It will mainly apply to those in LTR or with consistent plates, but the theory is true for every woman.
So I'm sure if you've been on a certain entertaining advice subreddit any time in the past few years you will have heard this nugget of wisdom from a commenter:
"Just talk to her/him. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship".
Often it is in response to a post about a girlfriend who won't put out, a lazy or uncaring boyfriend, or the actions of a spouse that are negatively affecting the other.
The problem with this advice becomes very clear very quickly if you are a man. It doesn't work.
I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we have "talked to her" about a problem with our plate/LTR, and she has either thrown it right back in your face and turned it around on you, or she's smiled, nodded, agreed, and didn't do anything about it. Or she did, for a while, but quickly regressed back into how she was before you had "the chat".
I'm certain this is common to all guys who have ever been in a relationship. But why? Let me try my best to explain why I think "talking to your girl" about problems wont work and will ultimately doom your relationship.
"Communication" = "Making Demands"
When a girl "communicates" with a guy that she is unhappy with a certain tenet of their relationship; whether it be sex, his job, his behaviour, his availability, his hygiene etc, whatever it is, what she is actually doing is serving him an ultimatum.
She is demanding of him that he changes a certain thing in order to accommodate her needs.
If he does not change, she will leave and hop back onto the carousel. That is her bargaining power. Those are the chips she holds.
The demand could be legitimate ("you need to shower more you always stink") or stupid (a plate wanting to be exclusive, a girlfriend telling you to stop talking to a female friend). Whatever it is, she is threatening to leave if you do not follow through and meet her demand. "The chat" is a serious one, and is often a relationship ender.
The feminist imperative teaches us that all women are noble and moral, and in any kind of male/female relationship the female will always have the best and most moral interests of the couple at heart.
We all know this to obviously be untrue. But we are a minority, Think to how many white knights are out there giving in to every whim and demand their girlfriend piles on them. This teaches the girl that every time she needs something or is unhappy with her boyfriend, all she needs to do is "communicate" with him, and the problem will be solved.
She doesn't understand that her bluepill boyfriend is bending over backwards in order to appease her because he has super strong one-itis and is super scared of losing out on starfish duty sex.
I'd even go as far to say that the majority of women learn from an early age that making demands of men can get them what they want. Daddy always bought her the toys if she asked and never said no to her.
She goes through life thinking that "communication" is why her relationships are going well ("going well" defined as under her control) and so when some chump on reddit or a bluepill orbiter asks for advice she comes out with that beautiful line "communication is the key to a good relationship". You'll only ever hear that from women and white knights.
So let's now look at what happens when a guy tries to "communicate" with his partner/plate.
Woman can say no, bluepill AFCs don't know how
Him: We haven't been having much sex recently.
Her: I've been tired and stressed from work
Him: Anything I can do to make it better?
Her: No babe it's just me. I'll feel better soon and then we can get back at it don't worry.
Completely and utterly shut down. I'm certain many of us have gone through this script before. He made his demands, she denied. Obviously, she won't "feel better", and he'll have to bring it up again, much to her annoyance.
Him: You haven't given me a blowjob in a while.
Her: So? We still have sex.
Him: I like blowjobs though, I would appreciate if you could do it once in a while.
Her: I don't though, they make me feel really disgusting.
Him: I do (xyz) for you though! It doesn't have to be often.
Her: Next time I feel sexy, maybe.
Of course, as usual we all know the script. The blowjob never comes, she never "feels sexy". The guy waits and waits wondering when his girlfriend will finally reward him with duty-head.
Women are not afraid to say no to their partners.
The one who cares the least about the other holds the most power. In this case, the woman holds the power to say no. Women can be very dismissive when you come to them with demands, especially if you're the bluepill beta in the relationship.
She has no problem saying no to you because she is not worried you will leave her. She is secure in the idea that you will stay committed to her regardless of whether she gives in to your demand or not.
The other option is that she has no problem saying no to you because she cares for the relationship so little that she wouldn't mind if you broke it off (and would prefer it that way so she can call you an asshole to her friends later on... "broke up with me because I wouldn't suck his dick"). Or she's getting her AF on the side.
Girls are born with power talk
Women learn from a very early age how to powertalk with each other, they need to, the competition and bitchiness between woman requires them to be fluent. If not, they are quickly ostracised or labeled "the weird girl". I won't go into the definitions of powertalk here, it's best you read it from people who can explain it vastly better than I can. Women default to power talk (especially with each other), while men default to straight-talk (especially with each other, if not posturing). This is especially true in serious situations, like "The Chat"
Women use power talk as a way of telling you "no", "go away" or "shut up". They craft their words in a way so that you may even think the conversation was polite, or that you came out the winner. Don't be fooled though, she had you right from the beginning, and when you tried to "communicate" your thoughts to her, she just told you to fuck off in a very sweet way.
The reason for this is obviously because the vast majority of unplugged don't know how to recognise power talk. There is a huge dissonance in conversation when a couple have "The Chat". The two are speaking a different language.
When a guy hears "We need to talk" (itself an invitation to power talk), his translation is "this is going to be a serious topic". Hence, the man puts on his "Straight Talk".
When a girl hears "We need to talk", her translation is "a verbal battle is about to take place, how do I win?". The woman then puts on her "Power Talk".
The two are speaking different languages. The guy cannot read through the lines of the girls speech, he interprets it as straight talk. He accepts her justfications and hamstering as real truths, "she wouldn't be lying to me during this heart-to-heart, relationship defining talk would she?".
The girl listens to the guy whine with real contempt, and then covertly tells him his feelings don't matter to her and he should drop the subject.
Because that's how women see "communication" from their partners. Whining.
This is the third time we've had this conversation!
Nothing dries up a girl's panties quicker than a guy pestering her for something. Whether it be sexual favours or to pull more weight around the house or to stop being late for dates, the more you "communicate" (read: complain) the faster she will close her legs and leave you.
Women do not tolerate whining. Only children whine. Women do not want to date children, they want to date a real man.
And it's sad, but we have to accept it. Your SO, plate or wife cannot be your moral support. The more you show weakness, the more you complain, the more you admit you are "unhappy in the relationship", the more contempt she will show you. She will see you as weak and complaining too much. It will piss her off, and she definitely won't give in to your new demands now.
You cannot negotiate attraction.
No matter how many times you take her aside and "communicate" to her that you want your dick sucked more often, she won't do it. In fact, every time you do your SMV drops in her eyes. You need to be her rock, stoic and unmoving. If you are complaining incessantly and demanding things of her, she will lose attraction to you fast.
Yeah I don't like it, we aren't all perfect, we all have weaknesses and days where we just want to complain about shit and be angry at the word. No one is perfectly stoic. Just don't do it in front of your girl. Women won't allow you to, no matter how "tolerant and accepting" they tell us they are. You will only truly digest the red pill when a girl you think you love laughs at you for crying. That's when you'll understand the true nature of women. This is also why it is important to develop some close male friends that you can straight-talk with about your problems. The more you show your LTR your weak and complainy side, the faster she'll leave you.
So what can a redpill man do to combat a woman's unreasonable demands?
First I want to say that not every chat that your girl sits you down for is going to be about her demanding unreasonable things. Sometimes what they want is a fair request and you were just oblivious or unaware. One girl sat me down and told me that foreplay needs to be longer with her because I was always trying too early and made her sore. Fair, I had no idea and so changed it up for her. Big success.
However often, (and we all know it) your plate or LTR will ask you for something ridiculous under the guise of "you can't treat me that way" or "I'm unhappy with where we are headed" or some other hamster way of saying "you need to do this for me".
It's very easy to get past these, and being a redpill man you probably know.
Abundance mentality allows you to say no, or leave.
Knowing when to be able to say "no, you are being crazy, I cannot do this, let's just break up then" is a powerful tool that you should keep prepared at all times. Nothing will make a girl backpedal faster than calling her bluff and actually breaking up with her when she presents you with an ultimatum.
Abundance mentality means that you'll have the security of knowing that you can drop the crazy bitch who was trying to be controlling and move onto the next girl with no trouble. Developing an abundance mentality, or always having two in the kitty for backup will mean that you will eventually have no problems with drawing boundaries and nexting a girl when she starts demanding that you change for her.
Making demands are just as easy when you don't give a fuck. "Stop going out so late with your girlfriends or we break up. Stop flaking on me last minute or I will move on". With enough of a threat, and accurate dread game (she should know that you will have no trouble moving onto a prettier girl after her), your girl should take the demand seriously.
Personally I believe that if you have got to the point where you're whining and bitching for sexual favours, or negotiating things with your SO, the relationship is already dead. If a girl is truly and fully attracted to you, if she gets aggressively turned on by you, then she will do anything you ask. With enough dread game and stoic control over your plate, she will never do anything to piss you off. Any concerns she has won't be voiced and she'll get over them, and if she does bring them up (and they're unreasonable) you say no, or break up. Just make sure you are always at your peak potential SMV and she will devote herself to you.
- "Communication" = "Making Demands"
- Women expect their demands to be met, while rejecting the demands of their partners.
- Women employ powertalk to dismiss your demands.
- Women see your demanding as complaining and whining. When you complain at her your SMV drops.
- You cannot negotiate attraction