The day after my ex-girlfriend pretty obviously cheated on me, I installed a keylogger on my computer (which she uses instead of her own for some reason). I was expecting her to lie to me about it, and wanted to keep myself protected ("trust, but verify"). What you will read is the raw chat logs from her side of the conversation, with names/locations replaced.
These sucked to read, but I am posting them so that you see directly into the decision making of a woman I made the unfortunate mistake of trusting enough with a relationship.
Some context: About two months before this happened, I started as the first employee at a blossoming startup. As the first engineer as well, I spent the better part of my time focusing on getting the product designed and built, and not as much time on my girlfriend.
Before starting this job, we did discuss what my work-life balance was going to look like if I took this position, how much extra time and weekends I will likely need to spend working for the first 6 months, and how we will still fit in time for us. I wanted to be sure she would go along with this, and she concluded this would be a great thing for both of us (and she was very happy about my pay increase).
After I began the position and (as expected) my hours increased dramatically, my energy to be regularly intimate decreased. We went from daily sex to roughly once a week. Our dates slowed to once a week or less as well.
Now for the kicker: The few days prior to this, I came down with the flu, which was definitely exacerbated by work stress. I know its a trope to say women are turned off when men are sick, but this was apparently the straw that broke the cheater's back. Since I was sick, I was declining to go out drinking every weeknight with her and her coworkers (they had a company conference going on). And since I was refusing to go out this week, in her mind I "never want to go out anymore", and thus it makes sense to cheat and make up for the awful treatment I gave her.
She came home at 3:30 am thursday night, and it was obvious what she did (bars close at 2am here). In the morning I installed the keylogger, went to work, and started mentally prepping for how to deal with the situation (we lived together, so there were some logistics). As I expected, she used my computer to talk with me and all her friends about all of her thoughts on the matter. And so we have these logs.
You will be reading only one side of the conversations (its a keylogger), and additionally, she is having multiple conversations at once. It is fairly clear who she is speaking to, however:
> are you ignoring me?
> are you at work?
> any way we can talk tonight?
> should i leave the apartment?
> wtf is going on
> you won't even talk to me?
> i'm not going to lie i stayed out too late and i got too drunk and i kissed someone
> and i passed out in the hotel
Here she is speaking to me. Remember this bit here. This is trickle truth.
> i'm fuckingn lonely and habing a breakdown
> i feel so isolated in this relationship and honestly i don't know if i can handle it anymore
> and attempts to talk to you are shut down
> this entire year has been so frustrating and lonely
> i'm sorry
> i really do love you but i don't feel like we are cut out for this
> i love you
> but i am going crazy
She tries to shift blame to me.
> [ihaveameme] and i just broke up
> can you come home?
> can we talk?
> can we please talk
> can i call you?
> i just feel like this relationship is worth saving
> i know i did something incredibly wrong and i am sorry i am trying to make excuses
> i still love you
> yeah i cheated on him
You can see as she struggles to keep making up bullshit to save her meal ticket, and then just switches to her friend and gives her real feelings:
> i am kind of glad it's over
> he doesn't even want to talk about it, he's done
> i think i did this to blow it up bc i have been so frustrated
"I don't know why I do things" = a moment's feelings are her reality
> no just me
> idk where he is
> it's ok nah no right now
> i feel like i need to go somehwere
> i don't know, it wasn't working
> no it was a [company she works for] rep
> i cheated on [ihaveameme] and we broke up
> we weren't sleeping together anymore
> yeah i should not have done this
> but i'm glad it's over
> definitely moving out of [city]
> i just don't know what i am going to do
> i might go to [different city] for a little bit
> i'm kind of glad it's over
> i have tried to talk to him about this so many times
> this year has been so shitty
We talked about this twice maybe. Now it's many times. Women's memories of you change with their feelings.
> idk this is my fault
> but i was so unhappy
> i should have done this months ago
> i was thinking about it
> at least once a week for months
This was the hardest to read. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. Cheaters are cheaters, and I should have known better. Don't date cheaters.
> yeah lol i have no idea what i am going to do with my life right now
> he makes excuses
> i feel really bad
> because he was going to see a doctor when his health insurance kicks in in a week
> but I was just done waiting
She couldn't even wait a week for me to see a doctor. Don't show weakness.
> honestly no
> it;s the lack of affection in general
> it's the fact that [ihaveameme] never wants to go out and do anything
> we don;t go out to dinner
> we don't do anything
We do, but her memories of us doing things are gone now that her feelings are gone.
> it has been
> i was kind of dreading england
> i might still go for a week to see [her friend]
> frfrhey [ihaveameme] and i just broke up
> but i still have my ticket
> we are getting the money back for everything else
> i just don't like him anymore
> i think i still love him but idk
> who knows
> i'll get over this in like a month
> i have never not cried after a break up like this
> would it be ok if i came to see you for a week?
> you were right when you said [ihaveameme] does not deserve someone who has been as patient as i have been
> i should not have cheated but i waited so long for him to change
A couple weeks is "so long" apparently.
> it is
> it sucks
> but fuck it's easier than breaking up
> are you not happy with [my friend]?
> you will hate yourself less if you just break up
> but cheating is easier
> yeah just not compatible
> i hate to say it but now is the time
> he has a good job now right? hopefully he is in a better position for a break up
> i am like [my friend] and can understand if someone would not like that
Notice how she now switches focus on getting her friend to cheat on her boyfriend/my good friend. Women encourage this kind of shit to each other.
> maybe i will go back to school now that i can move away from here
> i was starting to hate [city we live in]
> i know, he is stubborn
> he is too stubborn to admit anything is wrong
> i hate that i did this to him but it was the easy fast way out
> there's nothing here
> i feel like i was staying at [company she works for] to stay with [ihaveameme]
> i know
> it happens
> yeah, it has been 2 months of this
> i thought i had invvested so much time and effort and was afraid to leave
> yeah i know
> those posts have been speaking to me lol
> idk i might still go to eurpoe by myself
> i have an old roommate who lives there
> it sucks
> idk what your feeling are outside of that for him but even that is a valid dealbreaker
> he acted it wasn't like this in the beginning
> yeah i should
> i still want to go to england for a week to see [her friend]
> might be fun
> would probably help me foeget about this lol
> i know i can't be with someone like [ihaveameme]
> i'm glad i am getting all the hotel money back
> you are right
> yeah i thought it would be so fun living here with him
> 'i'm also glad i don't have a boyfriend who will never go out and do anything with me even though we live in a great area
> it was a battle trying to get him to do anything
> i just cried like 2 tears
> i can;t be that sad about this
She had moved on weeks ago, so naturally she can't be sad about this. Sometimes I think I was dating a sociopath.
> ugh you know [ihaveameme] is a good person
> i feel awful
> but jhe will never be a good boyfriend
> i don't either
> but he is all about monogamy even if we aren't having sex
Yes, I am all about monogamy, because that's literally what a relationship is.
> i need someone more like me
> or i just need to be single lol
> better option '
> i can finally have sex more than once every week
> and it will actually be good
> and someone will finally go down on me
And there it is. I wasn't fucking her as well as she wanted recently. Thus, the imperative becomes to seek out new dick.
> i am anxious because i am in the apartment alone but honestly this will be good for me
> i might make one right now lol
> JUST TO SWIPE just to swipe haha
> ugh no i should look at places
> i might work at [company she works for] a little longer
> yeah i think it will be good
> i'll just find a new job and move somehwere else
> it would be nice to move closer to home
> am also thinking about [another city]
> no it's ok jokes are good right now>
> WE"RE BOTH SINGLE
> oh my god yes
> maybe someone will finally have anal sex with me
> he's not coming home tonigh
> idk if he is ok
> i might stay at a friend's house just to not be here
> i am a little sad but this relationship was dead
> no, not lately
> we were cute in college
> had a way bigger dick
> i know that
> not to sound vain
> but i know lol
> send me cute dog pics
> i'm kind of glad i'll be able to move away from [city we live in]
> yeah yeah
> yeah he was visting from [different city]
> we went to the beach and made out
> then made out in his hotel room a and i touched his dick
> then i passed out, did not make it home until 3 am
This is trickle truth in action. Compare what she said to me at the top with what she says to her friend here. Trust, but verify (my verification was this keylogger). I'm surprised she lies to her friend here. Knowing my ex, there's no way she "just passed out". They fucked, but she doesn't want to look like a total slut to her friends.
> so obviously [ihaveameme] knew
> didn't speak to me this morning
> did not come home tonight
Because fuck you, we're done.
> it doesn't matter, i cheated
> [ihaveameme] does not want to be with me anymore
> he said he's cancelling england and giving me my money back
> and he is going to come back to the apartment to get stuff he needs
> i would rather not run into him so i am probably going to leave
> i hate monogamy
Beware of the LTR
> it doesnlt work lol
> thank you, that sounds nice right now :)
> yeah maybe
> it's hard to say bc i have never tried that
> i asked [her friend] if i could still come see her for a week
> yeah idk
> i am not that jealous
> i would prbably get a little kealous but who knows
And yet, she still would be jealous of me dating another woman.
Pure, unadulterated hypergamy.
So many packed into one log. Here are a few:
- Never show weakness
- Fuck her well and often or she'll find someone who will
- If her expectation of fucking often/well are different than yours (and yours will change with your situation), she will find someone else
- Women do not care about your feelings. They only care about how they themselves feel, especially how they feel in the moment.
- Cheaters are cheaters and will always cheat with you and on you. Never one or the other.
- Your girlfriend's friends will not tell you she cheated. Your girlfriend's friends will help her cheat. Your girlfriend's friends will convince her its OK to cheat.
- If you are younger than 30, don't move in with your SO