Red Pill TheoryAttraction and Keeping the Girl Chasing You (self.TheRedPill)

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[–]diomedes777 207 points208 points  (34 children)

I personally feel as though i've reached a point where I can't even fathom "chasing" a woman anymore. I don't care enough. When your best results come from treating them like replaceable, temporary sources of amusement you see the reality that chasing after, investing and having one-itis for a woman is truly the saddest, most pathetic and depressing state a man can ever be in. It's a mental illness.

I have 2 plates i don't contact. I literally do not contact them, they call me every 2-3 weeks and we meet up. I essentially forget about them. I give them NOTHING, just turn up to their houses, bring wine, am always in a fun and carefree mood and I allow them to forget about their shitty lives while being with me for the evening. I feel like a fucking escort. I fuck them then leave in the morning. Recently one of them was showing me her facebook message inbox which was the saddest thing i've seen in a long time. Message after message of thirsty, pathetic betas complimenting and asking her out. One guy hadn't even received a response from her AT ALL and was STILL sending messages every 2 or 3 days for months. Of course she replied to none of them. She showed me after we fucked and were lying in bed naked and we had a good laugh.

Women would rather be with a guy who gives zero commitment, zero material or financial support, zero security, but who can make them laugh, make them feel sexy and desirable while fucking their brains out and who basically shows them they ultimately are just another replaceable pussy and that their pussy has no bearing on you or your life in any way. They need to feel like you have the balls and ability to vanish off the face of the planet with no notice and never contact them again if you felt like it.

Never chase, ever. That cute little artsy brunette in one of your classes? The one you are sure is not like all the rest? You can put in months of groundwork, helping her with work, talking on the phone and pursuing her. She will still gush over Chad who winks at her at a party. She will suck his cock in minutes and won't think about you for a second while she does it. He'll contact her randomly when he's horny, once a week maybe, while you talk for hours on FB.

Stop Chasing Women

[–]Eatsnax 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I'm living the exact same life. It gets to a point where these females respect me enough to not even demand that I spend the night. I can come, cum and leave. And they will always call me again. I even have had a girl that brought a girl for us to play. And I convinced her to play with one of my ex's. I used to be the turd that chased girls only to waste my time. Now life is grand. I recently started dating a girl - I like her but I keep her at arms length. I don't even try anymore. The years of being red pill has normalized me to put me first, so I'm always aloof by nature. It's not even forced. Not only does that keep the girl and keep the other girls coming. You are doing you - and that is sexy to females. In the end red pill is not being a mean jerk. It's being a relaxed, cool, healthy, fun and successful guy. You'll bring value to their lives and they'll reward you for it.

[–]Forcetobereckonedwit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good snax indeed. I have somehow managed to muddle through life getting a huge amount of female attention/sex/interest while wavering between BP and some RP behavior. I am a couple of months into TRP and my eyes are sore sore from the bubble bursting, but they're open. I can't wait until I have a couple of years under my belt and all of this is second nature, Hell, first nature!. And guess what gents...I'm well into adult years with kids behind me...and I still get HB7-9s in their 20's.

[–]ringostardestroyer 31 points32 points  (16 children)

Ok, so how do you paradoxically obtain plates while basically being MGTOW/zero commitment?

Unless you just have women walking up to you and willing to be plated, you have to chase or initiate.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)


    [–]diomedes777 18 points19 points  (3 children)

    This is exactly right. All interactions are basically sexual from the get go, you make it clear in your actions. You just make it abundantly clear you're after a sexual relationship from the very beginning and you will avoid timewasting. If you aren't getting what you want early on, you just walk away. If you had any sort of connection, she'll chase you.

    I don't initiate to be honest, if I am out with a girl i'm interested in, either a one on one date or in a group, i will usually say something like "come back to my place let's have some drinks" with a physical IOI from me that is making it abundantly clear I want to fuck, and then after the sex the plating sort of just falls into place.

    I lift and am in decent shape and also quite confident, these things are not hard to achieve though. They are essential and required for picking up and plating women in general.

    [–]poochman 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Having trouble with the whole "plating falling into place" part after I fuck them once. I'm maybe coming on too strong after that having already thought I hooked the fish? Could you go into more detail? Do you basically just not initiate anything after the first sexual encounter and let them chase you from that point on?

    [–]diomedes777 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    The method is to fuck them better than they've ever been fucked, and make yourself fascinating, you demand their attention when you're together. You implant yourself in their mind, and then you disappear. I can't teach you how to be a cool person - this is something you have to work on yourself.

    If you fuck her well enough and have made a good enough impression, no further work is needed. You forget about it and leave. If she hasn't hit you up in ~3 days, you send out a message saying date place and time for your next meet up. After this she will be hooked, and the plating begins. During the plating arrangement you should be doing ZERO work. She should be chasing you. This will happen if, as I said, you fucked her properly, and you made a significant impression.

    [–]BehrGris 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Well, you have to take the first step and approach them. But you don't have to give her all your time and attention.

    [–]JihadDerp 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Make yourself into the man women will pursue. You become the prize.

    [–]CQC3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I think the mentality is the most important. You move beyond the symbolism of simple actions as to whether initiating is chasing or not, only beginners have to worry about that because the threat of relapse is high.

    At the end of the day, women don't want to have much effect you on, they don't actually want to mean shit to you in terms of influence. Because if they did, then it's a form of responsibility. We can observe this between both genders, it's the difference between a friend who is highly reactive to you and a friend who--is good to you, but is totally fine on his own, but when you do hang you pick up right where you left off.

    The second friend is a lot more fun to be around, because you don't have to worry about babying them. Women are like that, they want to be around a guy where they have freedom and don't have to tiptoe around his feels or baby him.

    [–]Forcetobereckonedwit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I initiate with outcome independence. Think of parallel lines, not arrow and target. You can initiate with a cutie but not fixate on her. For example, you are standing at the bar/in line for a burrito, whatever. Hottie is in front of you. You can initiate with a comment about human nature, a compliment on her hair/skin/shoes (something aside from looks/beauty) but deliver it as an aside. Deliver it as if you are two humans taking note of something interesting or funny. You are not hitting on her. That will open up her interest without raising her defenses. She will reciprocate or clam up. Who cares. One's an invite to continue, the other to pursue or drop, your choice. Again, you are simply sharing a slice of life with her not fixating on her.

    [–]mikazee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    There is a difference between chasing a girl who isn't interested and initiating to see if she is interested. She showed him messages of guys who kept trying to get with her, what they should have done was move on after she showed she wasn't interested.

    The guy who spends months working on building attraction without even a date, that's what he means by chasing.

    But just initiating is fine. The point is not to waste your time worrying if she likes you, and not to waste your time in general. Instead of trying to get her to like you, find out if she likes you quickly.

    [–]bowie747 -5 points-4 points  (4 children)

    Be very attractive.


    Don't be very unattractive.

    [–]ringostardestroyer 25 points26 points  (1 child)

    Nice meme.

    Attractive guys wallflowering still gets less action than an above average or even average guy who's a go getter.

    Even the chad who winks at some slut at a party is showing initiative.

    The OP fishing analogy is better. Cast a line, get some bites, play it hot and cool. Fish don't just jump on your boat.

    [–]mitzibishi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Fish jump on an attractive boat

    [–]TomFoo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Newbs here don't have the inside understanding of these two phrases and what they stand for.

    [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (9 children)

    I've always been amazed at the willingness of women to pull up their match.com or tinder app and laugh over the pathetic men trying to get her attention, basically right after she just got plowed.

    For a time, I thought it was a female strategy, like, "look at all these guys that want me, and I let YOU have me".

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

    Certainly seems to be their attempted version of dread. I've gotten the dm blooper reel multiple times.

    [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    Dread would be reasonable to assume if it wasn't for comments like this: "Look at all these losers trying to talk to me on match.com. They're so creepy".

    It would be different if she was showing the pictures of these men with a comment like: "Look at this hot guy that messaged me...hamster...shit test."

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    no it is blatant dread, ALL my plates have done something similar. They do this when they get insecure and think you have other options and she does the same in return to raise her smv in your eyes even if she says the guys are losers.

    [–]DistantWinter 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    My plate told me she had 500 mails from match.com in one month and replied to one. The guy she replied to she is with now and has been with for over 7 years.

    She told me this after our third session of kink that night.

    [–]mitzibishi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That's probably true. I made a fake account on plenty of fish. Average looking girl. 6 or 7 at best. And in the bio sounded like a total spoilt brat. Making all sorts of demands. Her man must have good job. Car. Over 6ft. Tattoos. Muscles. Beard. Etc An hour into joining she must have had 30 messages and they just keep rolling in. That's a message every 2 fucking minutes. As a guy it's about 1 every few days from habeasts or time wasters who hop from guy to guy to entertain them for a week or two.

    [–]mitzibishi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yep I've had that one a few times also. Phone constantly beeping on the side with random messages from guys on dating sites. Half the guys who message are like me. Oportunists thst just want to pump and dump. Doesn't mean the girl is the high value princess she thinks she is.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    For a time, I thought it was a female strategy

    And why do they actually do that?

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Now my impression is this: They love how alpha you are compared to these other dudes. It's a little self validation hamster they like to run out loud. She likes to show you how high her SMV is and thus yours, confirming her SMV.

    It's probably also part shit test. I was always ambivalent, so I never had an issue, but I could imagine what would have happened if I got possessive and jealous about her showing me all these dudes.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Its actually mostly shit test. She does this to raise her value in YOUR eyes because shes starting to feel youre unattainable. By showing you guys chasing her (while your not) she thinks its makes her more attractive to you. Basicly they think preselection works on men.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Thank you for bringing back an RP tone to this.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The value of blogs like "Bye Flippe" and "The Annals of Online Dating" never decreases.

    [–]MEpicLevelCheater[M] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I am awarding you with a point for this good comment.

    [–]Docbear64 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    Fantastic post, the place i see a lot of newbies messing up with women is not understanding that delicate balance of chasing and showing interest.

    It's all about not being stagnant if she is always chasing she'll get tired and quit on you , if you're too available then you're boring and she'll look for excitement elsewhere. The key thing being you set the pace and also i think it requires you understand the woman in question and where she is . Comfort tests usually call for you to slow down, she wants you but she needs to know you enjoy her on some level and her pursuit . When she gets too comfortable , starts shit testing , and doesn't try as hard to keep your attention then it's time to remove your attention. She'll hopefully remember what it took to attract you initially and return to that behavior and if she decides not to , I think it's a clear indicator that the relationship is done.

    Like I said very good post you provide a really good high level view for how to manage a relationship

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    It is by FAR the place most people fuck up. You have to reciprocate interest , just a bit less than she is. If you dont she thinks you dont give a shit and will walk away to not get hurt even if shes crazy for you.Had this happen many times. Just beta sucks. Just ALpha is good. Beta and Alpha mixed is ideal. Makes girls think she has a chance which will cause her to chase like crazy.

    [–]HS-Thompson 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    Not a bad post at all. You should, however, mention the place you blatantly lifted this entire concept from if you're going to try to paraphrase it:



    [–]Specter242 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Awesome post. This is what I really needed to hear. Thanks OP

    [–]aDrunkenWhaler 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It's a good strategy, but it's important to note it is only one strategy. And the perfect strategy always depends on multiple facyors... on the woman, her mood, the surroundings etc. Sometimes it works best if you just go overboard and show them how much you want to bang the crap out of them from the get-go.

    [–]tb87670 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good post OP. I had this problem when I was new to TRP with my first women, had a hard time staying out of contact. I would still get one or two more bangs but then they go ghost because that behavior is unattractive. Even now after an f-close other night I'm sitting here with wisdom telling myself "Don't do it, don't text. You know tittay-sloot-S left because you texted too much" yet I still have that urge.

    I was alpha and had my way, now the hard part knowing she left interested is me not texting. Fighting that urge. Even now with months of experience telling me it's a bad idea for some reason that silly voice in my head is wanting me to do it. I tell that fucker NO. Mind you some guys might not have as much of an issue with this as me, this is a particular behavior I have a problem with and have remedied but it's a constant challenge.

    [–]graffix13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Great post loaded with so much great information. This line particularly stuck out to me:

    Boredom leads to over thinking, which leads to lower confidence.

    So true.

    [–]subscription100 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I think this works for most people but it ignores the SIGNIFICANT risk a lot of TRPers don't acknowledge: some HIGH VALUE women don't fall for it and leave thinking you are too uninterested. This applies for LTR and not plates.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yep. you cant pull back to much. Just a bit. Im happy more and more redpillers are actually starting to discuss this phenomenon. As a naturally aloof guy this shit happens to me a lot. Contrary to most guys i have a hard time showing interest and my plates end up thinking i dont give a shit and leave after a while.

    [–]exilesoul 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    excellent post but i think one thing needs to be pointed out that wasn't really being touched on....

    this all comes naturally if you focus on yourself and your mission

    [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

    Wrong. There are plenty of ambitious and successful betas who still don't understand female nature.

    The appeal of your statement is that it's a cop out. An excuse to not have to delve into the nitty gritty of female nature, which can't simply be navigated by focusing on yourself.

    [–]bar_hopper_dc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. I would even argue that it would be worth it for a guy who's clueless to literally take a month or two off of focusing on his mission just to get better game. Going out three or four nights a week and analyzing the night. Writing field reports. Finding good wingmen. Going on Tinder dates. etc. In Mastery, Robert Greene talks about how intense periods of practice will develop one into a master much faster than "30 minutes a day". The same applies to getting good at game.

    Once you get to that point where talking to and meeting women is a natural, seamless process, you'll quickly gather three or four plates just by going out semi-regularly. You'll develop the confidence to approach as you go about your day and those interactions will occasionally develop into plates. Before you know it, you're getting enough pussy that you just couldn't give a shit about these girls. You get better in bed because you're getting so much practice and the entire process of plating becomes self-reinforcing and, most importantly, autonomous.

    Now you're having enough sex that you can advance higher up on Maslow's hierarchy to self-actualization, i.e., your mission.

    [–]raydid 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    The post mentioned to end conversations on a high note. What are some examples of a high note?

    [–]morphite65 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Probably at least a C, maybe a G if you can reach it.

    Kidding aside, if you have to second guess the tone or positivity of a text conversation, send her a dumb joke. A meme, pun, etc shows that you put her and hilarity on the same level (meaning you see her as someone who "enjoys having fun")

    IRL convos can use the same tactic, but you have the benefit of physical interaction. Many posts on here about treating her like a girl- pulling hair and whatnot. I suggest searching those out and reading up.

    [–]mpower20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    "The Tao of Steve," anyone?

    "You can't camp in front of a chick."

    [–]Kozen117 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It send counterintuitive, unless you understand how attraction really works.

    For those of you who are new to TRP, here's how it works:

    Women are hypergamous. Women prefer men who are of equal or higher status than their own. Anyone beneath her is invisible to her.

    If you're constantly trying to stay near her, you will give off the impression that you have nothing else better to do in your life. This means you're not cultivating value for yourself or society, and are instead, valuing her presence more than anything else. Once you've displayed this, you'll appear "less than her" simply through your behavior of wanting to be with her constantly. This will kill any attraction that she had for you because, as I've said, women only like men who are of equal or higher status (although having higher status is better than being her equal because any mistakes as an equal can quickly bring you below her in status).

    Women will only ever like men that she respects. If you're not worthy of respect, she will never like you.

    [–]Strike48 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Good read and absolutely true. I find that once the hook is in after a date or two and the attraction is created, pulling back a bit gets the hamster wheel spinning which can only be good. Once she starts seeing that you're not over invested and have other shit going on, her anxiety starts kicking in and she starts wondering why you're not replying or investing more time into her. Suddenly, she starts realizing that she might actually have to put in some work. It's exciting now for her. Its a fresh change in her mind compared to all the betas moving boulders and tossing themselves mindlessly as if no other pussy in the world existed.

    [–]juliman17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    nicely written, pretty usefull stuff for new guys and for guys who swallowed the pill but still need to remember important stuff

    [–]KartagoPill 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Don't let her chase too far. They got bored pretty fast.

    [–]ihateyouguys 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    The post kinda went over that.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorMentORPHEUS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wow, one of the best first posts I've seen. You're pretty RP aware; if you keep submitting articles like this, we'll have no choice but to award you flair points!

    Hope to see you around, u/yokeybear.

    [–]XelentGamer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I love analogies. Really clicks. Currently trying the could give a shit persona out and guys it really works. For the first time girls (yes multiple at once also a first) are texting me, complimenting me and most importantly chasing me. I don't put in any work I don't stress and things are better than ever. It's really amazingly simple. It's not about being an asshole it's about controlling attraction and it really is like fishing, if you are gaming up its like fishing with your kids rod trying to land a 20lb fish with a 10lb line, it's possible you just have to game hard.

    [–]yokeybear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is geared toward girls you actually want to date and don't give it up in the first 20 minutes. Totally different than your situation you have described. But thanks for your input.

    [–]yokeybear 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That is what the being excellent lesson is about

    [–]RappyIsAwesome 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Quality post but I have a question. How exactly should I go about making chase me? Should I just straight up tell her that she will lose me if she isn't willing to go the next step? Is straight talk like that effective in this situation? Thanks! (M/19 btw)

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You get her to chase you by acting really good when your with her. But when you are not ,you pull back Ie: Dont text for three days, she will start missing you and chasing. Basic push- pull. dont pull to far though.

    [–]Theophagist 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Just imagine how disinterested you would be if a woman constantly threw herself at you and you have done absolutely nothing.

    Give me a few years of this and I'll let you know how I feel.

    [–]Battle-Scars 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Find a woman below your SMV, charm her until she falls for you and watch what happens when you pull back and she moves forward. It will immediately turn you off and you will be trying to get away from her. Once you get that feeling you will know exactly how a woman feels when you do it to her and chances are you won't act that way with a woman again.

    [–]Theophagist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm just being glib. On the surface women throwing themselves at you sounds like a great thing, but as you demonstrated it is quite the opposite.

    [–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Once I had a plate that I kept spinning for three entire months, we made it 'official' on the fourth. Broke up 4 weeks later. There's no solid ground with girls, if she loses attraction for you it's over.

    Coincidentally, getting a relationship within 4 to 8 weeks is fucking scary. Why would you want to do that? I've read books in longer time frames.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]juliusstreicher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    No way in hell should you call her.

    [–]Forcetobereckonedwit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Nice, concise, and good advice. Basic human psychology that all young men and newbs should study until they could give it themselves. Gentle delivery. Upvotes.

    [–]Eatsnax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Yep I'm 40 dating a hot yet mature minded 22 year old. I'm pulling more hot girls in my later years then my younger years. And I'm bald. Lost all my hair and I don't give a fuck. Shaved it off, worked out, got a career, traveled, learned to love myself even learned to travel alone which raised my value. I'm confident and funny and I genuinely love life - on my own now. That is REDPILL. I'm so consumed with enjoying life and having those around me enjoy it WITH me. I've become the guy I would love to hang out with. That is REDPILL. And the women notice. And the ones who don't don't matter because there will be one who does. Cheers on your journey. I'm in year 4 of RP and finally hit my stride. Get out there and FAIL FAIL FAIL and you'll learn to FAIL less.

    [–]skoobled 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Whilst I agree this is true, I'm concerned that it's already somewhat dated - what with social media, Tinder etc. And all the various validation channels women have, the laid back approach risks getting you left behind by the next new penis that arrives on the horizon 5 mins later.

    So i think it's true, but first you have to let the fish get a good taste of the line... Whilst not overdoing it... Whilst keeping yourself novel. Not so straightforward

    [–]exilesoul 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    i think your looking at it wrong, by not engaging a woman on social media it's much easier to stand out from the thirsty betas

    always leave them thinking "why didn't he like my hawt slut selfie?"

    [–]skoobled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well of course I wasn't talking about SM. Of course don't validate them. I was talking about the problem of "days 2s" and "days 3s". I think that's got a lot harder in recent times

    [–]yomo86 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    Awsome post - gotta print dat shiiit.

    Anyway, just slight constructive criticism; not try to stay to be busy, be busy.

    I got tons of deadlines not because I am some hot shot but because of my work.

    Even if... a girl would ask whether or not I am willing to have my crowbar polished I simply cannot do it nor am I inclined to answer to stupid text messages with zero content; being not numero uno drives a girl insane.

    [–]Il128 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    Really? Snapchat uglyrussianjew