Men's Rights10 Year Field Report...Learn From My Mistakes. Learn from My Pain. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by UrbanBanger

TL:DR Don’t Ever Get Married. Learn from my mistakes. I implore you. I'm not perfect, but i tried to be the best husband and father that I could. If you can be bothered to read this, it will show you what can happen when a woman, even your wife…mother of your kids, decides you are no longer needed

I met my wife when we were neighbours back in 2005. I was 24…she was 32. I was a total Blue Pill Motherfucker.

We moved in after 6 months of dating, and life was good. We both had very well paying, stable jobs...although we were renting we were comfortable enough to rent a 3-bedroom house in an inner city suburb.

There were warning signs that now, looking back on I should have been able to recognize and jump ship straight away. Things like:

  • Her family never really warmed to me.
  • She never wanted to go to visit my family (2-hour drive from us) and if she did, there was always a fight (initiated by her) either before, or during the trip to their place…which would cause extreme tension with all of us.
  • It was expected that we would spend the majority of our Christmas and Easter holidays at her families’ place (10+ hour drive away) whilst only spending at most a day (more often a few hours) celebrating with my family.
  • She was never comfortable when it came to socializing with my group of friends…. but It was expected that I would with hers. (weekends away with her friends, dinners etc. etc. etc.)

I (Stupidly)ended up proposing in 2010, and we got married 2011.l..soon we were expecting our first child.

I was shocked that before she went into labour she made me promise her that I wouldn’t tell my parents when she went into labour as she didn’t want them coming down to the hospital. (Another massive warning)

Our daughter was born in 2012 and I was relishing being a father.

Bearing in mind that she was on maternity leave and this cut her pay from 150K+ down to almost nothing.

As a result, I was working my ass off to provide for my family. Not just in my job…but at home as well.

I would cook dinner for all of us at 6 in the morning while I was getting her breakfast and lunch ready…then go to work at 7….work till 7… come home…change nappies, give bottles, baths, prepare food … rinse…repeat.

I came home one day (when our daughter was a month old) to find her with her bags packed saying she was “going to her parents place (10+ hours away) for a month as I wasn’t helping enough"….

I was floored…I said to her that I was doing everything that I could…. but to her it wasn’t enough….so she went with our daughter for a month to her parents. I didn’t see my family for a month.

When she came back things became progressively worse.

There was constant criticism over everything that I did…from not cooking her the right vegetarian meals, to her complaining that she didn’t want to eat last night’s leftovers for lunch the next day (Yet I was still cooking…every morning at 6.)….

Saying she didn’t want my parents coming to visit as they encroached on her space ( yet she expected them to drive 2 hours each way every Monday to look after our daughter so she could have time out…

It was simply that she didn’t want them around HER.

My friends would cook us meals as they knew I was struggling and even though it was an amazing gesture and I was so grateful…my STBX would say to me when my friends weren’t around that “the food tasted like crap” etc. etc.…

It got to the stage where I was finding not just the meals, but the meals, untouched in the Tupperware in the bin. I confronted her about this and was ripped to shreds…

I blue-pilled myself even deeper….and accepted her alienating my family…and friends as part of what just happens during marriage.

All the meanwhile threatening to take our daughter and leave me if I didn’t do this and that.

I went without any form of intimacy from her for 12 months…when our daughter turned one I brought it up that we hadn’t had sex in a year…I asked if there was something wrong…She said that she had lost her libido.

Again, I just accepted this and whilst I tried to initiate any form of intimacy (hugs, kisses, cuddles on the couch) I was always given the standard run of the mill excuses (headache, tired, sore etc.).

She was quite happy to take massages, foot rubs, etc. but would always roll her eyes when I offered and say “you’re just doing that to get sex”

A couple of years passed with this steady stream of me being blue-pill as fuck and her manipulating me, alienating my family and friends and treating me like a doormat.

My wife would have 3-4 nights a week when she would be out for various reasons

I had finished getting our daughter ready (as i did every night, which included the standard of being dropped at, and picked up from daycare, fed, bathed, stories read, songs sung and in bed) when she came home a little drunk, nothing too overt…but she for the first time in almost 2 years initiated sex with me. She almost seemed relieved that I accepted her advances (Massive warning sign)

9 months later, our son was born. That is when my life was literally destroyed.

Her behavior got worse, I suspected Post Natal Depression…and gently tried to suggest this to her…she flipped out and said that she had been seeing a psychologist for months because of ME…and that I was to blame for all of her problems..

I spoke to my friends, family and they agreed with me, that something was wrong with her.

I have never been concerned for the welfare of my children with their mother. Let me make that quite clear.

I found Facebook messages to her ex before me (10 years ago) saying that she was going to take our children and introduce them to him (he is a divorcee with a son, who runs an investment banking firm…. flash cars, big houses etc.).

Whilst these messages weren’t incriminating or eluding to her cheating on me, I was offended that she would want to introduce our kids to firstly an ex of over 10 years.

As usual, I was the asshole and stalker for bringing this up and it was none of my business who she took our kids to see.

She said that things to me after our son was born (during arguments) like:

  • At least I enjoyed fucking my ex
  • You’re just a deadbeat dad
  • Marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life
  • Why are you such a Loser
  • You’re just a cunt, like your father.
  • I’m going to put measures in place so that you never go hunting again *(she knew that outdoors and hunting were a true love of mine and I had been doing it for 25 years - only going once a year in Winter)
  • I'm going to make sure your son has nothing to do with you so he can grow up to be nothing like you.

On multiple occasions I was phyiscally assaulted by her. Once before our son was born, she said to me while I was driving the car on a road trip:

If you speak like your father does ever again, ill fucking stab you

Some times that are burnt in my mind are: - She kicked me in the groin from behind while I was sorting out the Tupperware container, - She even said when I went on my annual hunting trip with my one friend “I hope you get fucking shot in the head” – this was heard by my best friend - She hit me over the back of the head with a nappy bin while I was sitting down in the lounge room for no other reason than she was “disgusted by the sight of me”

Not once did I ever react. I’m a pacifist and have never even been in a fight…ever (I’m 34 now)

Here is where it when nuclear.

Our kids were asleep and I asked her if I could go downstairs and clean and polish the car as it hadn’t been done in a while…an argument ensued about me not spending enough quality time with her. I brought up the fact that she never shows me any intimacy or love anymore.

She went to punch me in the face with a closed fist, I grabbed her wrist and asked her why she was behaving like this and what the hell was going on. I let go of her wrist and she went to hit me again, so I grabbed her wrist and said “don’t hit me”.

I let her go…again. She immediately took her phone out and took a photo of the ‘hypercolour’ effect that your skin has when there has been pressure applied.

A massive alarm went off in the back of my mind…why the hell would she do this???

Over the next month she kept demanding that I leave our home, our home which I renovated, and we bought together…

I told her I wasn’t leaving and that we needed to fix this.

I finally decided that this toxicity in the relationship was killing me...and my kids.... and agreed we needed to separate. I was destroyed...ashamed that my marriage had failed...and didnt know what more i could have done.

So I agreed to mediation for separation of assets, child custody arrangements would come later.

I was also to move out within 28 days of the mediation, she would pay me an agreed amount 6 months’ time. (Another massive no no)

I later found out that my wife had been having meetings with the mediator and her lawyer prior to this to formulate a plan to fuck me like a chook - and fuck me like a chook she did.

About 1030 at night I was working late (my career dictated that I had to do some work outside of hours) ….I got a phone call from a private number, normally I don’t answer and let It go to voicemail but I thought it may have been a client so I answered.


“Hello, is that UrbanBanger?”

“May I ask who is calling?”

“Yes, its Officer Chad from Thundercock Police Station here”

“What can I do for you Officer Chad?”

“We need you to come to the police station”

“What for?”

“I can’t tell you that, you just need to come to the station”

“I’m not attending a police station unless I know what it is for….?” (this went back and forth for a few minutes)

“We need to serve you with an Apprehended Violence Order”

“What for??? What Have I done????”

“We will explain that to you when you get here”

I left work and went straight home…I told my wife what had just happened, she denied knowing anything about it and said that she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

I attended the police station…was served with an AVO.

I told them that I had spoken to my wife prior to coming to the police station and she knew had told me she knew nothing about it…. the police office scoffed at me, laughed and told me that If lied again, and tried to manipulate the situation that they would charge me with perverting the course of justice.

They also told me that they had seen the photos of the ‘bruises on her wrists’ (remember when she went to hit me and I grabbed her???) and that If my wife complained about me in any way, saying that I either intimidated, stalked, harassed or made her feel uncomfortable that they would arrest, charge and thrown me in jail.

They then accompanied me to my house, took my guns, ammunition, hunting bows etc.…then left.

I went back upstairs (330 am)…..absolutely floored and in complete shock.

My wife came out and asked what had happened. I told her…and again she denied any knowledge of it….

I then went to work at 6am and made some calls. I received solid advice that whilst I didn’t want to, that I had to move out of the house straight away as she could make up any shit about me and I would be nailed to the wall.

I called my closest friend and told him what happened. He said I could stay with him as long as need be.

That day at midday I left work early to go home and get a bag of clothes. I called the police and explained to them the situation and that I wanted a police witness at the house to ensure there was no breach of the AVO. They complied and met me at my house.

I went upstairs with them and found that the locks had already been changed…and her parents who live 10/11 hours’ drive away, or a 3 hour flight and 4 hour drive…were in my house (conveniently timed???).

Over the next 4 months I gathered statements to help my case, evidence to show that she had assaulted and abused me (emotionally and physically) and managed to get the AVO quashed completely

I got my guns back and by this stage had moved all of my clothes and stuff from the garage to my friends’ place.

She still lived in the house that was full of all of our stuff, and refused to even let me take as much as a coffee mug until I signed the separation agreement which by this stage had been formalised by her lawyer and delivered to me. She wouldnt even let me see my kids.

Thank god I refused to sign that agreement - If had signed it...I would have ended up with nothing .

I told her that I wasn’t signing it until my lawyer had reviewed it. She went mental....like nothing that I had ever seen before.

My ex-communication from my family was preplanned, pre meditated and executed with the help of her friends and family.

My lawyer went through all of our financials, everything. They found that even with her being the primary carer, and the bullshit AVO... I am entitled to a lot more than was in the agreement

They are in the process of providing a letter of intent to my wife at the moment. She either accepts it and gives me what is in the letter…or we go to court and that will take years.

Something I don’t want.

There is a lot more that went on that I can’t be fucked adding here as its either irrelevant, or hurts too much to even type it out.

On the plus side...i was introduced to TRP the day that I was served with the AVO.

I only wish that I had found it before I had met my STBX wife.

In the last 6 months I have begun lifting, and gone from 88kgs to 100kgs (I am 6ft5) I am storming the trenches... ;) I am spending a lot of time taking photos, which is theraputic for me, also hunting and rekindling friendships that I had nearly lost due to my alienation of them in my marriage. And fighting tooth and nail to spend time with my kids.

edit: formatting and grammatical A number of fellow RPillers have asked if I can upload the docs as evidence (and as reasoning for you all to be wary). I will upload tonight after I have redacted names and places etc

*edit; this post Has gone a bit mental. Didnt expect so much air play. Have edited in case it ends up on the sidebar.

[–][deleted] 200 points201 points  (10 children)

This is like the ultimate blue-pill nightmare. My god. At least you now recognize your errors and will be MUCH better for it. Wishing you the best man.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Thanks Illuminated...The change in me over the last 6 months has been...to say the least...otherwordly

[–]5kevin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I believe the term you were looking for is otherworldly. Also wish you luck with the case and your future endeavors.

[–]MaxBrodin 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Look into "Borderline personality disorder" -BPD. Sounds like your ex is a classic case. It's a shame no one teaches young men about BPD till they get burnt.

At 32, your wife had years to perfect her craft of lying and manipulating. Even a man with another personality disorder is no match for her. Much less a 24 year old beta. You got taken by an intra-species predator.

My story is similar, although the damage was less.

http://www.sharischreiber.com/odyssey.html http://www.sharischreiber.com/blackmail.html

[–]MaxBrodin 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I have to add that the reason she did not want your family around is that your mother in particular would see through her disguise and will attempt to alert you. It never works - a man can't see the red flags until after the fact.

But BPD are still afraid of discovery

[–]Forcetobereckonedwit 175 points176 points  (8 children)

Yours is a fucking horror story from the depths of Hell. NEVER underestimate the depths of deceit and scorched earth policy to which a female will stoop to to get what she feels entitled to. I went through a similar but much lighter version of that 2 years ago. I wish you a speedy recovery. You WILL come out the other side of this trial by cuntfire. Stay with TRP and believe in yourself.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 41 points42 points  (5 children)

Thanks Force. It is horrible thing to go through...and I wish it on no man.

TRP...and the men on it are what has kept my mind very positive in these dark times.

Trial By Cuntfire.....awesome. Have a gold on me

[–]EyeinX 28 points28 points [recovered]

The great advantage you have here is not playing the victim role. You are using your response-ability. That you are caught in a drama of an unexamined personality that is hell bent on non-disturbance at any price is the tragedy, and also comedy (though damn near impossible to see at this point).

Perhaps in many years I imagine you could recall these sordid tales and release laughter from the telling the tale of these Machiavellian, absurd events.

I've bourne witness to similar...and can relate. Your resolve is extraordinary and you appear to be handling this challenge like a motherfucking boss.

Keep us posted. We love you bro. <3

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks heaps Eyein.

Ill be loading some docs tonight so ya'll can get a glimpse of what this nightmarish situation is like...and how to avoid it like the plague.

Thanks for the feels :)

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Jesus christ this cuts like a knife. You have amazing willpower and courage to live through this without falling apart or lashing out with more rage I can't even begin to imagine. Seeing how the legal system is completely rigged against you, and the only reason is because she is a woman just makes me sad and angry.

While I have been on the receiving end of a girl's manipulation and pure anger, nothing has been remotely close to the complete soullessness of your wife.

I'll never get married or allow any woman to have any say in my life. I think I've been lying to myself that I could find someone who could truly love me - so long as I 'stay alpha' and don't break frame I could pretend like she would never leave. I guess that it's not worth the risk.

I hope I never have to experience what you have gone through. Thank you for sharing your story, so that others don't have to live it.

[–][deleted] 12 points12 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]BowlOfCandy 7 points8 points  (1 child)

trial by cuntfire

This is my new phrase for "divorce"

[–]Rimeheart 145 points146 points  (34 children)

That son, when she initiated sex after 2 years, is not yours.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 43 points44 points  (31 children)

That thought has crossed my mind multiple times. But...the little bastard looks exactly like i did at his age. I still debate on a pat-test though

[–]orange_octopus 63 points64 points  (20 children)

the shoe sure fits. she's 'relieved' that you accepted her sexual advance, and 9 months later a kid is born.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 30 points31 points  (19 children)

I agree.

There is a niggling thought in the back of my mind about it

[–]orange_octopus 34 points35 points  (16 children)

well, you may never put that thought to rest. nobody can blame you for not wanting to know the truth, but in this case it could literally set you free, if it provides evidence that she cheated. At least bring it up with your lawyer?

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 54 points55 points  (3 children)

Yeah, im going to sort out a test in the next month

[–]orange_octopus 27 points28 points  (0 children)

that's the wise and courageous choice.

[–]MagicGainbow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

DO it, you may be still in time to get taken off the birth certificate.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 15 points16 points  (11 children)

I'm going to do one of the home tests first... And if that comes out with anything untoward I will do the legal test

[–]turn30left 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Yes, please test. I'm betting that child isn't yours.

[–]NietzscheExplosion 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It might be, he was 2nd guy in that night, that's a better than 50/50 chance.

Def get pat test done and officially regardless.

[–]nike747 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man I would do the legal test now. Pronto.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I encourage you to do a paternity test to your daughter too.

[–]n8dawwg 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I'm going to save this post to see the outcome. Good luck to you sir, you have been through hell.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Will post updates as they become relevant

[–]TheOmnisicient 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It might be yours, but she definitely fucked somebody else without a condom just before.

[–]i4mn30 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Get a paternity test no matter what. I'm 99% sure she fucked a local Chad.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (2 children)

It's probably your kid, but I guarantee you're not the only person she fucked that week. She was attempting to cover up her encounter but it backfired since your cum won the contest.

Fuck that bitch. Glad you're getting your freedom back. Please read No More Mr. Nice Guy if you haven't. It was extremely painful to read your story as I would have noped out maybe 30 times during your story. This book will help equip you.

[–]yaysmr 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I agree, she fucked a guy bareback, he came inside, she had a panic attack at that point, and since this is CLEARLY a woman who has foresight, knew to go and create a cover story in the event things went south. AND she had to get herself liquored up to actually do the deed with him.

If she had known she was going to actually get pregnant she wouldn't have done it. That's 9 more months of misery for her.

[–]Rimeheart 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Well, stay strong. I know you can make it through this, and the best part be better off. I just hope your kids do not suffer to much with her no doubt poisoning them against you unjustly and that is the real crime.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks Rimeheart.

No doubt she will poision them ....but one day they will be old enough to make up their own minds...when they are I will have all the emails, texts and evidence to prove to them what their mother did to me and my family.

The truth eventually comes out

[–]s1wg4u 4 points5 points  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]Gross_Guy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd definitely get a test to make sure. Your poor daughter and son(?) I hope she doesn't poison their minds against you

[–]Wilreadit 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I cannot believe you fell for that.

[–]Shamlei 32 points33 points  (9 children)

Stay strong, honestly I don't know how you can stay mentally sane after all of this.

I think I'd wish to kill that person after she stole all of this from me.

Good luck and stay strong.

[–]Forcetobereckonedwit 15 points16 points  (3 children)

The murder fantasies and midnight-wake-ups-with-heart-poundings are only abating for me now, after 2 years. UrbanBanger has a long road ahead of him. At least he's here.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here for the long road Brother

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's a long road. But the day is always brightest at the rising of the sun. Thanks for your well wishes

[–]pressedred 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I don't think I could ever be as strong and patient as this guy. I'd go all-out if someone tried to fuck me over like this.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (12 children)

She was quite happy to take massages, foot rubs, etc. but would always roll her eyes when I offered and say “you’re just doing that to get sex”

Any time a girl says something like this, I immediately withdraw. The freeze-out is a fantastic tool for dealing with snottiness.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 4 points5 points  (8 children)

I lost count of the amount of times i did withdraw...and I would get comments like "See...i knew it...you just want to have sex..." etc etc.

But...i was BPAF.....we had been together for 7 years by this stage and i thought that it was just the way it was....

[–]KartagoPill 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I think there was nothing to do with that situation. Marriage and kids gives woman all the power.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Get up, get dress and leave. Don't say a word. Next day, divorce papers on the table and you out of the house. If she throws a tantrum and makes a scene, continue with the divorce like it is nothing. If she appologizes, evaluate if it's worth a second chance (probably not).

Consider this and you'll realize women never have the power in a relationship unless you let her have it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"See...i knew it...you just want to have sex..."

What was that, honey? As you grab your jacket and head out the door to the local watering hole to find yourself a willing partner.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I feel like I would next a chick for saying this to me.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

you must be willing to. that's a big part of frame

[–]Eze-Wong 58 points58 points [recovered]

It hurt me to read your story. I literally could feel pangs in my heart as it touched something deep in the vangus nerve....

No one should have to go through what you did. Its unbelievable the cops arent on your sude though this. The gender bias is real.

I think you need to start recording things. It doesnt matter how late. Every interaction, every move , every where you go needs to be recorded or accounted for. She sounds capable of a lot more and shes willing to go beyond some serious boundaries if shes willing to do physical violence on a 6ft guy.

Id body cam everything or have a good alibi all the time...

Good luck man. Il pray for you. Im sure theres no god though because i dont believe in a god that allows this kind of shit.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 38 points39 points  (2 children)

Its been a tough road.

I should have noticed that when her other GF's (also married mothers) started dropping their husbands, putting AVO's on them...badmouthing them etc etc that it was only going to be a matter of time before it happened to me.

Since the day of the AVO, i have had a GoPro strapped to my chest whenever I see her or the kids (or her friends etc). I also have my phone on audio record each day that I travel to work ( as we are on the same train, and sadly work very close in proximity to each other). There are 3 dash cams in the car...one front facing, one rear facing...and one looking at my ugly melon lol.

The Gender Bias is more real than you can imagine.

Thanks for the Prayers man. Means a lot...even if there is no god...its a godly blessing to have someone half a world away be an ear for a fellow man.

[–]bleomasters 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thats right mate, STAY READY... love the GOpro Idea. She can pull any new shit, any other day. U need evidence.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Better have a hidden camera than one in plain sight, and use the footage as evidence. She underestimates the crap out of you, so use that to your advantage. Frame her. Make her lose her shit to gather evidence egainst her.

One way worth trying this, have a hidden camera and confront her face to face saying you took a paternity test and now your son is not yours. Even if it's not true, you both know she cheated that night. Say stuff like 'I don't care about lawyers anymore', 'how could you do this to me' 'why?' 'why?' etc. to warm her up and she'll spill eventually. She hates you too much and is stupid enough to seize the oportunity to belittle you in the worse way possible, and even get physical. Exactly what you need at this point.

Either way, good luck.

[–]Forcetobereckonedwit 22 points23 points  (14 children)

That's very good advice. Start NOW. You have children with her. She will fuck with you for years to come...decades. My banshee made an anonymous call to the police and told them that I was the father of my underage nieces baby. (I'm not)...THREE MONTHS after our total breakup/court dismissal of her fabricated lies of abuse/zero contact/etc. DO NOT THINK FOR A MINUTE THAT THIS EVIL BITCH WILL LET THINGS GO ONCE YOU ARE DIVORCED.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 44 points45 points  (13 children)

Oh I know she wont.

After the AVO, i started a new job which was paying me about 20K more than the last place I was at.

She found out...called the HR director and told them that I was a convicted criminal who had violence and restraining orders against him.

Got fired, even though I proved that the orders had been thrown out. (I was in my probabtionary period)

No one wants an alledged woman beater working for them

[–]Furell 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I would fucking go mental but you've gone through the worst already. Just keep calm and let it happen, write everything down and record everything you do, sad as it is. Just keep an eye ON HER aswell, most importantly. She can't leave with your kids, you have to see your kids when they grow older. And once they're older and they're able to comprehend, tell them this story that their mother did everything in her power to break their father's life. Let's see what a loudmouth she'll be then.

[–]bleomasters 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That is just another level of Horrible. I mean even after you're separated, she went ahead and did this? Women hold a weird power Over us betas. Such is the state of the society Even your new boss had to take it seriously.

[–]HS-Thompson 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She found out...called the HR director and told them that I was a convicted criminal who had violence and restraining orders against him.

I don't know how it works where you are (your language choices make me assume you're in the UK) but in the US this behavior by her is a serious no-no in a divorce court context. Judges take a very dim view of women who try to hurt their husband's earning power by trash-talking them to employers, clients, etc.

The best mindset to adopt when you enter a divorce situation is to remember that courts are really almost exclusively designed to deal with financial issues. They don't care at all that she's a lying bitch or who hit who first, but they do typically care about someone taking actions to destroy the funds available for settlement. If she's doing that kind of thing definitely make sure it comes up in the actual divorce proceeding if at all possible.

[–]KartagoPill 12 points13 points  (6 children)

You tried so hard to be good husband and father. Yet goverment took it all.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

I don't blame anyone. We all have a part to play in this life.

I look at the positives, I have to.

I have two wonderful children and that's all that matters

[–]UHM-7 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sorry to say but two children being brought up in a single mother household...they will not turn out well. You need to figure this out and get at least 50% custody with them so you can keep them on the right path, otherwise your son will end up falling into the exact same trap you did, and your daughter will end up being just as much a sociopath as your wife.

[–]Wilreadit 3 points4 points  (2 children)

You can't be sure the kids are yours. And they are hers. So they are evil. So fuck them. Just get on with your life.

The best revenge is living well.

[–]Crailberry 2 points3 points  (1 child)

LMAO I doubt the kids are evil. Not yet anyway.....

[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This is what life for married men is like under the threatpoint of divorce as Dalrock says.

However, divorce “reform” is as much about manipulating the power balance within marriage as it is about ensuring that women can frivolously divorce while collecting cash and prizes.

The wife lives like a queen during the marriage and the husband must obey because of threats like this:

All the meanwhile threatening to take our daughter and leave me if I didn’t do this and that.

...and then, in the end, after a decade of dog-like obedience, she pulls the trigger anyway.

Best of luck, OP.

[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 7 points8 points  (1 child)

These kinds of posts need to be gathered onto one easily accessible link on the Sidebar.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yep... I wish I could pay TRP to have this at the top of every page

[–]tb87670 8 points9 points  (15 children)

You still should've taken the evidence of her sister coaching her to be assaulted. The wire-tapping/stalking charges are nothing to what you should've been able to bring on to a police officer saying that stuff to a civilian. You could've at the very least fucked her sisters career for saying shit like that and being caught doing it. My brother was an LEO and was railroaded in promotion prospects for much less.

FYI her father getting in your face, that would've been permanent game over for him if he did that to me. Not sure how you did it.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 5 points6 points  (14 children)

It means nothing.....seriously. It's all heresay from hers and her sisters end. Her sister is in a different state...so there are no duristictions that cover her. As far as she is concerned (from the police in my state) she is a civilian (*cops in different states have no powers in other states here).

I couldnt bring the information that I found forward else I would have been shot to shit over it.

Yes...her father....as I said...I'm not a violent person...never have been. I may be 6ft5 with a razor-shave smooth head but I am deep down a softy.

The kids were there when he behaved like he did and my only concern was trying to limit any crap they were exposed to which I would have hoped would have been their mothers MO too...but clearly she just wants me burnt to a crisp

[–]tb87670 7 points8 points  (13 children)

That is the point. They are burning you to a crisp. Do not take my advice, go your own way. If I was you (and I am not, took the Red Pill back when I was a virgin luckily so not starting off married nor getting married) I would make sure they would do nothing but go in the hole for fucking me over.

All the backed up logs would be tossed into public and sent to various news outlets. I might get shot to shit, but they will not look good while they are doing it. The house they stole might catch fire. An unknown assailant assaulted her father one night while your buddies are an alibi saying you were hanging with them. I would personally do a nuclear jihad on all of them. It's not about the children. The children staying with such people are in for a fucked life. It's all about ensuring the bitch wouldn't get any benefit from burning me in such a manner without getting burnt herself. We are talking scorched earth here, I'd rather both of us lose than them win.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 5 points6 points  (12 children)

I know. Its probably hard from your perspective to understand my logic but I have kids. Your world changes when you have them. I could go after her, her family etc etc...but what does it achieve? Nothing...

In my position its much better to be the bigger man, take the higher road...and one day my kids will see what took place and can judge their mother accordingly

[–][deleted] 5 points5 points

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[–]tb87670 2 points3 points  (4 children)

No they won't. I seen too many divorced couples. The mother always warps the father into the bad guy no matter what. Your kids will not see the truth 99% of the time. It's sad, it's fucked up, but you are relying on getting a fair shake when we all know you won't. Being a bigger man will only let them step on you more.

I've seen this go down too many times, my aunt was guilty of brainwashing her kid, my uncle had his taken from him and brainwashed, my bud's mother did it to his half-brother, I've just seen it too many times. Take the high-road, that's a sure way to lose. As adults none of the kids look at their father favorably even if he tried to do the right thing except one, and that one is an exception since he was sole custody with his father.

I'm not trying to be mean man, just trying to say that high road comes with the problem of always being a long fall when someone takes you down like what is and will happen to you according to your story. Be selfish. Look after your own interest because no one is watching your ass for you. Try to get time with your kids if you can but the system is rigged so expect the worst. Don't break yourself fighting an uphill battle unless you can afford to do so.

[–]kyzation 9 points9 points [recovered]

Angry phase engaged after reading this. I'm so sorry you have endured this ordeal. Good thing you've taken the positive steps to food yourself of her. Taught me a great life lesson. Thank you

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Glad I can help another Redpill Brother

[–]MindlessElectrons 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Things like this make me fear getting too close to a female at all.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]ThisManHasNoDick111 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I think it would be therapeutic for you to hunt your ex-wife instead of animals.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Haha, I spend more time hunting for the perfect picture now

[–]4juice 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Wow what a nightmare! And the bitch getting your parents to drive to your place every Monday so she could party with her friends is the most shitty thing of all, at least imo. I would never let my women disrespect my parents like that.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 11 points12 points  (6 children)

My parents were just desparate to see their Grandkids....and still are.

Even after we separated..my mum asked my STBX if she would mind if they spoke to my daughter and son on Skype once or twice a week.

Her Response to them "You can have contact with your Grankids when urbanbanger has them in his care

One of the nastiest things ive heard

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is the women you keep saying is a really great mother, right?!

[–]imadazhell 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My advice is to prepare yourself for much worse and revolting responses as time goes on. She has found her power position, eliminating your children's contact between you and the paternal grandparents. Godspeed my brother.

[–]ChadThundercockII 5 points6 points  (2 children)

What a GREAT mother for your kids OP!!!

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This brings back memories. Especially how your wife and police (family or not) will actively conspire to manipulate for her gain. The intentional pushing of emotional buttons through words and actions to elicite a repose from you. Only to have that response used against you through the full force of police intervention and subsequently, the family court system. It's awful how this wilfull bastardization of legal intent is not admissible.

Sorry for your pain. Hang in there.

I wouldn't post documents. Even with information redacted, it's not advisable. If a mod wants to verify you, that's their call. Protect your anonymity.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True. Thanks for the advice

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

You'll be bigger, faster, stronger and wiser from this.

She on the other hand will remain nothing more than a cunt, and she'll never be happy. You being happy will be her nightmare. I would advise you to pursue it as recklessly as you can.

[–]vagbutters 12 points13 points  (13 children)

I'd get a paternity test done on your children.

Stories like this make me wonder how men like you don't just kill your wives and end the suffering outright.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Because my kids need their mother.

I'm lucky... I'm very resilient... Runs in the family.

[–]mugatucrazypills 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Nobody needs the woman you describe. They'd be better raised by wolves.

[–]vagbutters 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Like it or not, their mother will be a terrible influence on their life, especially the daughter who will mimic her strategies. Seems like a tinge of your blue pill mentality is still here to not see this yourself. They need their father too-- make sure you're their primary male influence in life.

All this being said, I cannot stress you getting a paternity test enough. Your second kid especially sounds very questionable to me, but with a bitch like that you never know about the first either.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No. Your kids are much better of without her. She's a 40yr old misserable shit. So far all her feels turned towards hating you and fucking Chads. 10 years of accumulating hate. When the divorce will be settle, she'll need something else to focus her misery and turn her venom, and those will be your kids. She'll be a cum dumpster for different Chads and your kids will withness that.

[–]HandsomelyYours 4 points4 points [recovered]

Let's say OP killed the bitch.

How would that help making things better for him?

[–]vagbutters 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I'm in no way encouraging it, it's just surprising to me given that a man these days stands to not lose half (or more) of his shit by going through with it.

[–]Andorli 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I could not read through all of this, it was painful. Wish you all the best, you are in the right place and hopefuly you will get better.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

its a tough read...even tougher to go through it

Thanks for the well wishes

[–]ChrisBenRoy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Something that struck me as odd was the time she came home drunk and initiated sex with you, then you had your son 9 months later. Nothing in this story ever mentioned anything about her cheating, but there's no way she went an entire year without fucking someone. Have you looked into if that kid is really yours or not? I know it doesn't change how you feel about him, I'm sure you love him having raised and cared for him like you have. But still.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

thankfully ill never put myself in these situations thanks to my education on the topics BUT I'm shocked at the how much this happens and ex-wives doesn't mysteriously disappear.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree...one can never be educated enough in this area.

I just hope that there will be lessons learnt from my mistakes

[–]3rt41 5 points6 points  (8 children)

Dude, i am sitting on the crapper in my office and i went through your entire post for long after i did the job. I am shocked and so sorry for you. Also, scared. I will never fucking marry anyone.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 5 points6 points  (7 children)

Im glad you read it. Its a wake up call.

Dont be like that though. TRP is not about being scared to marry...or hating women.

TRP is about having male-firmness in your soul. Its about composing yourself as a man and ensuring that you hold frame as a man.

Getting on the human sushi train, or spinning plates is a quasi-by product of a "not give a fuck" attitude. And believe me...its not conducive to male inner well being.

If you fall in love, so be it.

BUT...Be it as a MAN.....Set the groundrules...Set the tempo....cement yourself within the true foundation of everything that you believe in...*whatever that may be and ensuring that you dont let external influences change that.

I hope you wiped thrice

[–][deleted] 5 points5 points

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[–]3rt41 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I thank you for your feedback and i am trying to become this, as i have been in a manipulative relationshit before (but thank god i never got to the levels of your situation).

Gladly, it was a one wipe job, thanks :D

[–]BananaHammie 10 points11 points  (15 children)

If you knew how much it would cost you, would you have hired a motherfucker jones to take her out? Morality aside and all

[–]jumpingdonkey 5 points6 points  (0 children)

oh i fucking would, protect your kids from evil, even if that evil comes from their own mother. Their lives will be fucked up by their mothers poisoning.

plus he has proof she is evil.

[–]1Ronin11A 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When I showed all this information to my lawyer, they flat out told me that I could use none of it as evidence, as the court would immediately ask how I got this information...and if I told them that I had looked at backups of her phone on my computer I would be back to square one, AVO....and being charged with stalking and intimidation.

This is the shit that makes me livid. You literally have proof, by virtue of her being stupid enough to back things up to your personal computer, yet using that is "stalking" and "intimidation?" How the FUCK is it stalking to go through your own personal computer?

She can literally PLOT and MANUFACTURE the destruction of your life, leave evidence of it all over the goddamn place, and yet if you attempt to use any of that as leverage, she's the victim.

[–]TheWise_One 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This hits home hard . Like you, I blue pilled myself into a relationship , marriage and a child that resulted into nuclear disaster for me. For someone who lived the whole life with the RP mentality I managed to disappoint myself and almost lost everything I cared for. I thought I had everything under control , WRONG.

But as OP's wife , my soon to be ex wife displayed the same symptoms :

•Constant nagging •Never satisfied •Mental and even psychical abuse •Provocations •manipulation •demeaning to cut relationships with friends and hobbies •Constant threatening to call cops •Instigating fights etc

The result was :

•Got arrested based on false charges for domestic ( felony then misdemeanor ) to get me out the house •Got served with injunction while I was leaving the jail •Lost my rights and privileges for 9 months •Lost my child , house, guns, 2 motorcycles ,cat and 90% of my belongings •Accumulated huge amounts of debt as result of this •Loss of work ( I'm a contractor ) due to pending charges at that time •Loss of 50% income due to the charges at that time •Degrading of mental and physical health

While I was in jail ( 1 day ) she changed the locks , filed for an injunction , sold my rifle , cleaned the accounts , packed my stuff up ( mostly clothes ). Yes, in one day while she was pregnant . Thanks to my amazing lawyer i got all charges and injunction dismissed , got some of my stuff back , got my name cleared and got my freedom back. There's so much more to this but this is not about me , it's about how blue pill mentality can ruin your life

I understood where I fucked up and learned my lesson. As a wise man said , never learn from your own mistakes , learn from the mistakes of others. So everyone who thinks that a marriage , growing a family , LTR can be accomplished in the time we live right now should rethink again. You'll loose everything , trust me.

[–]rm_-rf_slash 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Damn. This is my nightmare to a T. Your story is eerily similar to mine but your wife and her family definitely seem a lot more sinister than mine. I also married older (20 v. 25; now 24 v. 29) and also have two kids, both sons. I don't mean to hijack to give my story but do so so you know that I understand what you're going through, and so others here can learn from me as well.

I'll skip the usual stuff about lack of intimacy (check) and plenty of arguing about that and other things like finances and use of time (check). The nuclear point with us came after we agreed to and filed for a mutual divorce. The blowout happened when she told me she was basically calling my bluff by initially filing the divorce and had no intention of appearing in the front of the judge. I was furious as I didn't want to stay in a marriage I saw as headed only in circles and I escalated it by swearing and losing my frame completely. Eventually I followed her and she turned on me and tussling ensued where I held her, too, while she dug her nails into my face and scalp. I was called into the station later where I alone was accused of verbal and physical assault with her only evidence being her hair on the floor that she says I pulled out (when really our older son had cut it in her sleep that morning as he thought it was amusing).

In Korea, verbal assault is still assault (wasn't aware when I was being questioned which I told them but it appears I was not spared the charge) and while the whole wifebeater thing was thrown out for lack of proof, I was slapped with an $800 fine and a 6 week restraining order. I didn't see her or my boys for 6 weeks and that killed me. If Korea was as gyno-centric as the U.S., I would've surely been in jail.

Fast forward and the mutual divorce was forfeited since she wasn't going to appear so I didn't bother either since both need to show or it's moot. She then filed for judicial divorce (this is the one that is nearly identical to the western process) and filed suit against me and a girl I was seeing during our post-filing period, for ~$42K each. Swell! Apparently adultery is still a misdemeanor here, recently down from a criminal offense.

There are some upsides to my tale as well. The police and family court both try very hard to amend domestic disputes and tend to be more forgiving when minor cases do arrive. Often times a supervised apology and possibly an agreed exchange of a small settlement between two parties suffices. Fortunately we have no mutual assets in Korea and my US assets are off-limits to the Korean divorce process. Like you, even though I think my wife has a mental issue such as bipolar or borderline personality, I still maintain that she's a good mom and have never witnessed her treating our kids badly or bad-mouthing me to them. Her family was also supportive to a point, after which they just gave up and let us deal with it ourselves.

Our stories diverge there as my relationship with my wife improved although the divorce will take a year or so, or even not possible if she willed it. I started following TRP about a year ago but given that our relationship was initiated and mostly existed while I was pretty beta, she didn't seem keen on swallowing it with me (and not sure how much I wanted it either).

Actually I'm writing this on my flight back to the U.S. after I went to Korea last August to try to settle there with them but I don't want to and no longer can stay without leaving the country every 90 days, which is just one headache of many when you don't have a proper visa to reside somewhere.

[–]hores 3 points4 points  (1 child)

and this is how murder-suicides are created

[–]sasapesso 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Your ex wife is kind of person who think world revolves around her, therefore she would never be satisfied with whatever you did. Me!Me!Me! is her illness and the good thing that kind of people will never be truly happy in life. I am concerned about your children. God help them.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

At mediation I was railroaded into giving her:

The house ($1million+) 2 cars Entire contents of house 50% of my super when I retire

Why would you agree to this?

I presume you'll be paying off the house for a long time or will pay alimony?

In that case you should seek out work abroad and give up citizenship as soon as you're eligible for the other countries citizenship.

I have worked in lots of countries and always came across guys that evaded alimony by working in another country.

[–]bennybunny25 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i thought i was reading an authors story about a horrible separation and a psycho bitch but i realized it was a true story and its horrifying. the thing i cant believe is its one thing if a woman goes completely bat shit insane (and unfortunately, i have some experience with that although not even close to your case) but the fact that literally everyone she knew went in on it too.

[–]sergeantbbbbs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Mate your story epitomises the worst of women.

Last night I was in the pub and a husband and wife and their young son were sat behind us. They were trying to order food when the woman got riled up about something that the kid had done. She turned into a monster to them both literally within about 10 seconds, then spent a good 20 minutes throwing a tantrum saying things like "I DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING FOOD ANYMORE," "I'M NOT BUYING ANY FOOD AFTER THE WAY HE'S BEHAVED", etc etc. Eventually she caves in and the guy goes inside to order. The SECOND he goes inside her phone comes out and she's messaging someone else. The guy comes back outside, meekly sits down next to her and says "I'm really sorry, they've stopped serving." She throws this HUGE tantrum - "FINE, I'll just eat a tin of BEANS on my ANNIVERSARY!"

The reason they'd stopped serving is that she'd just thrown a 20 minute tantrum and created loads of drama so they couldn't order. The guy just sat there and took it all, I wanted to give him a shake.

[–]1StuttBuffer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Hard to read, must've been harder to write. Thanks for sharing your story.

[–]XxX_Im_On_Fire_XxX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in my mid-teens and this sub has been a gold mine when it comes to relationships with women. I always though there was something broken with the way the world worked with women and men and this sub has helped me really understand that its even more of a shit show then I first thought, the fucked up bit is that it even starts at my age.

OP, I wish all the best for you and your battle for getting everything that is rightfully yours and wish you a speedy recovery from this toxic relationship with this disgusting woman.

[–]ForgotUserID 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has battered husband syndrome written all over it. Glad you're on the way out of the situation.

[–]LazySwine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for a lesson. Not going to marry.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Dude, this is exactly my story. Word by word. Fuck, I can't believe it. I was thinking I was the only one! Stay strong , and live well.

[–]ShockerWV 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Throw red pill/blue pill out the window. This doesn't apply here, you were in a marriage with a complete psychopath and I'm shocked you stayed that long

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Maybe it's just me, but this should be cleaned up and put on the sidebar as a warning to others.

[–]F-W-Mueller 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Drop me a message if you are ever visiting Germany. First round is on ne and you can tell me how everything went uphill from now on.

And get a paternity test for your child.

[–]JohnnyRaz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am thankful that I've never experienced a woman quite this bad because I would have wound up in prison for my actions.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The 1800s are starting to look good. The effect that permitting such behavior - let alone rewarding it with separation money & property as well as offspring - has on society is beyond devastating. It's the ultimate form of degeneracy.

Humanity, humility and loyalty is literally being selected out rather then selected for.

[–]kryptokate 3 points3 points [recovered]

Look dude, this sounds hellish and I sort of feel bad for you, however, it's also hard to trust your one-sided version when you've completely hidden the ball about this scenario. You not only married a woman more than 5 years older than you, but a woman who makes most of the money and is the primary breadwinner. You're trying to make it sound like she's divorce-raping you when if you read closely, it's apparent that you're actually pissed that she isn't paying YOU more money...and that even though she is the primary caregiver to your children in your split-custody arrangement, that you are still demanding that she pay YOU.

She gets the house because there's a huge mortgage payment that only she can afford, not you. So she takes the asset and the associated liability. Same with the cars. That's pretty standard. The rest of the assets you're splitting. That actually sounds totally fair.

So leaving aside the domestic violence charge, which is totally fucked up if what you said it true, as for the rest of it, you are basically the vindictive bitch in this situation who just won't goddamn leave until you extract your price from your ex-wife and make her pay. It's actually the classic scenario in reverse.

What if you had just had some self-respect and left the relationship when she made it clear she didn't want you anymore? Instead, you've refused to let her end it despite her several attempts.

Your wife was obviously way higher RMV than you. She made way more money (except during one temporary period when she was on maternity leave for a few months and that's the only time you made more than her). She was probably hotter than you too. Why else would you marry this older woman and act like her slave?? You leave this out but what other explanation is there except that you married way above your station and then kissed her ass because of it, because you knew you weren't at her level and had to make up for it. Just like historically women have done when they marry up. So that's why you were the bitch in the relationship. It also explains why her family never liked you, since most families don't like their daughters marrying dudes who are clearly beneath them on the sexual marketplace, and who their daughter supports.

She made it obvious she didn't want you anymore and asked to split up and asked you to leave several times and you refused. She said horrible shit to you and maybe you never said those things to her, I don't know...the way you hid the financial details of this story makes you an unreliable narrator. But clearly this woman wanted to get the hell out of this relationship and you wouldn't let her because you are obsessed with her...because you know she's above you and because she subsidizes a life you would never have otherwise.

Except for the domestic violence charge part, which again, is totally unacceptable if it happened like you said, I see nothing particularly unusual about this story except that it's unusual for a woman to so dominate her husband financially, in age, and everything else, and for him to be so submissive. It sounds like she was desperate to just get you to move the fuck out and end the relationship, and it's not hard to figure out why. But she has never tried to take money from you or take your kids from you. She just wants you out of her life.

Have some fucking pride and self-respect and let her go. You're vindictively fighting for her to pay you more money because you're pissed because you think she should be stuck with you for life and you thought you would have a certain life that now you have to adjust to not having. I understand that's hard and sucks for you. But fighting this makes you look pathetic. This dependent attitude is exactly why you disgust her.

Yes I would say the same thing to a woman. Trying to keep someone who doesn't want you anymore, or making them "pay" for not wanting you anymore, is the height of pathetic behavior.

Let her go, support yourself like a grown man, and see your kids in your split custody schedule. You've split the assets 50/50 and she's taking on the assets that come with liabilities you can't afford to pay. It actually sounds like a pretty equal split of things. I get that you're furious because of the relational sweat and love equity you put into this relationship, and you think you deserve to keep the higher standard of living that you're accustomed to, but that doesn't count for anything whether you're a man or a woman. No ex who is the primary caregiver should have to pay the other ex money after splitting the assets. If you want more money, take your kids more.

She does sound like a huge bitch who gets her way, but that wouldn't have been possible if you didn't let her. Yes, the same goes for any man or woman who allows themselves to be "abused" in today's society...it's often bullshit because they were getting something they perceived to be of value, in trade for accepting the "abuse". In your case, you got to live in a million dollar home and have a wife who was probably smarter and more educated and more attractive and "above" you socially. That's gone now. Cry and be sad and expect to go through some grief, but have some pride and accept it. Eventually you'll get over it and won't care anymore, that's how grief works.

[–]slimcoat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If she takes you to court, destroy her. Burn everything to the ground. You can rebuild; she can't.

[–]cs_throwawayyy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

damn this belongs in r / nosleep. This is some Gone Girl shit, stories like these make me never want to interact with a woman again.

[–]TheAloofCat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Man, this post should be stickied like confessions of a reformed incel.

[–]2Sepean 10 points11 points  (34 children)

The problem isn't that you married - it is that you had no alpha, no frame and abysmally low SMV, but thought your job and providing for the family made up for it. Well, it doesn't.

A red pill marriage is very, very different from what you describe. You might still prefer spinning plates, but if you think alphas get treated like that once they're married you're completely wrong.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 10 points11 points  (17 children)

No no...i know and understand completely.

Crazy thing was that I was alpha before I went LTR with my STBX....i became complacent...and stopped caring about frame, SMV etc.

mind you...this was before I even knew what red pill meant....let alone what reddit was.

Marriage is done for me. I've done my breeding..

[–]code5fun 4 points5 points  (14 children)

What would you do differently if you knew about red pill back then? Would you able to save your marriage or dodge some bullets?

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 6 points7 points  (13 children)

Wouldn't have married... Period

[–]code5fun 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Well, for those of us who are still in it. You said you were hard beta, what would you do differently?

[–]2Sepean 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Just stop being beta. Don't be supplicant. Stop listening to what she says; it is mostly shit testing. Ignore it at first, then pass them properly with amused mastery and agree&amplify. Most of what she says about you, what she criticizes you for, what she says she wants or needs you to do, it is just bullshit; it is designed to test your alphaness and to get you to comply, it is not a reflection of her actual desires.

Up your SMV. Lift, diet, upgrade your wardrobe, groom better, learn game. Develop a strong, cocky and positive personality. Assert yourself, both at home and outside of it. Dominate social situations, make decisions, tease people.

Become resilient. Develop a solid IDGAF attitude. You're not bothered by shit. You don't get butthurt. You don't get angry. You take it in your stride and just go do something interesting instead.

Stop believing that your sacrifices matter, that your hard work for providing for your family will get you sex or respect or love. It won't. You get those things with high SMV, strong frame, and by enforcing boundaries.

Begin leading. Make the decisions. Don't ask her where she wants to eat, you're the captain and you decide; she'd rather eat a steak and fries with an alpha man than her favorite dish with a beta man anyway.

Own your shit. Develop a vision and get it done. Don't be that guy who is always behind with house maintenance and such so your wife has to tell you to do everything. The shit that needs to get done, you get done on your own initiative.

[–]code5fun 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Thank you master for the strong word. I always ask myself, where is the love in this if it needs constant psychological effort to keep a women. It's like trying to tame an animal which is constantly trying to run away. Where is the loyalty in this? Don't women have the slightest of control over themselves about who they get attracted to? They act like pokemon, you need to defeat them to be with them, but with the difference of them running away as soon as you let them out of the pokeball. Society is fucked up, people are just shitty in general, no wonder divorce rates are >50%

[–]2Sepean 1 point2 points  (2 children)

There's lots of love and loyalty in my marriage. Love and loyalty is real; it just isn't unconditional.

There's some really stupid ideas in our culture, like that you can find your soulmate and get married and then you'll love eachother forever no matter what happens, or that your spouse will recognize your sacrifice and love you for it.

But it just isn't so. She loves you and is loyal to you because you have value; because your SMV is high, because you're a good provider to her and her children. If you grow fat and develop a weak personality, that's not what evolution has wired her to fuck passionately.

You have to stay on top of your game if you want the best from other people. It's really simple and very natural.

You write that people are shitty. Sure, people are selfish and many will fuck you over if given half the chance. But there are people on this planet who have a great life; they have great and rewarding friendships, good business relations, a partner that loves and cherishes them and wonderful children. It's not a law that people act shitty towards you.

Become the sort of person that is surrounded by people who treat them well. Provide value, be interesting, stand up for yourself and enforce your boundaries.

[–]code5fun 4 points5 points  (1 child)

What are the written rules of society for marriage? I don't know any, at least I haven't been thought yet. This wasn't the case 100 years ago, it wasn't an option to leave your man only because he didn't met your conditions for you to love him any more. You would fight and work to make it happen. If the reason 2 people get together is based on SMV+status+value and not marriage+unconditional love, they wont work together or self-improve and this is where we end up.

it just isn't unconditional.

yes this is the problem, this brings little to no loyalty with itself

It's really simple and very natural.

it's not nature, we built this society

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I would have ensured that I remained true to myself as a man, true to my beliefs and not let anything external change that. Held Frame, Exuded Stability....and kept my inner being built with solid foundation as to not feel the need for core strength to be provided by my other half

I became too willing to meld myself to the whims and attitudes of my STBX and her family / friends.

Everything shade of blue I became was as a result of me doing so.

[–]ForgotUserID 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. There's all types of colloquial sayings like "She's the brains of this operation..." to try and make it sound more charming than the controlling situation it is. I'm in the same position you were in except i'm almost 20 years in and got my self-esteem so beat down I can't find a way out. Big ol' "this is my life now" situation. Glad you are on your way out of it.

[–]Kafkaevsky 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How did you discover theredpill and how was your first reaction to reading some of the stuff here.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can have a good marriage if you establish a captain and first mate dynamic, fuck well and keep you smv high (and obviously screening well for a good partner). Doesnt remove the fact that you are still taking a huge risk and signing away your gratest power as a man, the ability to walk away.

If your goal is starting a traditional nuclear family and in your situation a marriage is the only way to do it than maybe the benefits outweigh the risks.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–]UrbanBanger[S] 2 points3 points  (14 children)

Are you referring to me begin a pig for not jumping ship when i found out she was vegetarian? (she has a medical condition that means she cant process animal protein)

In Australia if you have a restraining order, temporary or not...you will have guns, license ,ammo,bows,spearguns etc taken off you...and unless the AVO gets thrown out you still lose your guns / license for a minimum period of 10 years after the cessation of the AVO.

[–]Short-changedChad 7 points8 points  (6 children)

Shit mate. Didn't realise from the story that you are an Aussie. Every time you read something on here it's too easy to assume that the most extreme of these problems are confined to the U.S. Things are getting worse and worse here every day...

I wish you the best in your fight mate. At least you've found TRP and now know the truth about women. More needs to be said about not trusting our police force- they are not here to help you and all interaction with them should be with a lawyer present, but I'm sure you are well aware of that now.

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[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

She has been that way since she was a baby. Even her parents tried to get her to eat egg white mixed with mash potato as an infant and she would throw up. I never held that against her.

We have a similar law passed here. Im a textbook example as to how women will use it to scorch you till there is nothing left.

[–]imadazhell 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Being repulsed by egg white and potatoes is not the definition of a vegetarian!

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Haha it was a physical reaction when she was 1 year old.. Projectile vomiting.

Even from fish oil tablets when she was an adult.

Not that it matters. I'd never held it against her

[–]1RXRob 3 points4 points  (2 children)

There was a point in this story where I thought "I'd kill her. On the spot. In front of everybody."

How do you find the strength not to do that?

[–]DalekJay 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Stay strong mate, for you I wish better days

[–]SunshineBlotters 1 point2 points  (3 children)

All I have to say is thank you for the lesson. I know it might not mean much but you taught me something that I will use for the rest of my life.

You and others who share stories like this have saved me. These stories make it so that I dont feel bad that I couldn't get a girl when people my age were getting married. Thank you.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

You're more than welcome. If even 1 person can learn from my monumental stuff up...then it has served a purpose.

NEVER get married NEVER LTR

Always have them in your frame,

[–]sirencow 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is every man's nightmare .Good thing that you've recognized where you went wrong and learnt lessons albeit the hard way . The best way to get back at her is to invest in yourself ;lift ,get your finances back in order, live an awesome life and spin 8s and 9s .Your kids more so your son will one day see through the bullshit .

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Im hoping so.

Ive actually starte separate email addresses for both of them. So that when i pass from this world to the next...they will get the passwords as part of the will....and i will have loaded those addresses with all the shit that has happened...and all the stories and support from my RedPillBretheren

[–]CPCPub 1 point2 points  (14 children)

Noticed you mentioned super..

are you aussie? Which part of Aus if you dont mind me asking?

[–]1Jax77789 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks a ton for taking the time to write this up. Great insight into the female psychopathic mind.

The more I read stories like yours the more I find that you should simply walk away/ punish the moment she disrespects you. Get disrespected once and it gets only worse until you are nothing.

[–]Lucky_Locura 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Geeze man, reading your story just made my heart sink. That is a devastating and disgusting situation you've had to live through. It's also very disheartening to read how the government basically teams up with women to fuck men over.

All that aside, I wish you the best bro. I hope your life takes a massive turn towards the better after having to deal with that devil incarnate of a woman.

And thanks for sharing your story, it's helpful.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad I can be of help. I think my story is a massive wake up call and general warning to my brothers to be very careful.

Life is a series of ups and downs. Just have to look for the good.

The Sun always Shines after the Rain

[–]tldrtldrtldr 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Sorry to hear this man. You sure those kids are yours? Get a paternity test

[–]grewapair 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I had a female friend go to court for custody. She had a kid with Chad, but he refused to marry her. He let her move in, but she caught him cheating and so she ended it.

However, there was no marriage so she had to leave.

However, she needed his money, and the way to get it was to try to get sole custody of the kid. That would maximize her child support, most of which, she wanted to spend on herself.

So the fake domestic violence reports are all about proving the man is unfit to raise children. They always bring it up, and they get a restraining order to prove how "terrified" they are. Their lawyers always coach them for this.

Fortunately for Chad, my friend took off before she could gather any fake evidence. If a police officer asks you how she got the marks, all you need to say is you can't imagine, or better yet, nothing. It's all an act to get as much of your money as possible.

[–]mrp_1844 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lets assume for the sake of discussion, that this only happens once out of every million (?) marriages.

That's enough for us to say, never get married.

[–]trippinallday 1 point2 points  (9 children)

God man, it hurt to read that. The only catharsis I had while reading it was the part where you didn't sign all your shit away to her. I hope things work out for you.

Also, maybe you could make up some bullshit about accidentally finding the texts so you could really shaft her in the divorce. If I were in your situation I'd try to figure out some way to use all that proof to fuck her over as much as possible.

[–]darkwolfx24678 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Gotta be honest, I couldn't read it in one sitting. It's like straight out of a nightmare. Best luck to you man, I hope it all turns out well and in your favor.

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it was tough to write it out.

As I said, Im not innocent....we all aren't. Every. Single. Human.

Can only keep moving forward from here.

[–]EndowedTurtle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God bless you, man. Work with that lawyer of yours, and don't budge an inch with this bitch. You can do this. You CAN rise above this. You are in control. You deal the cards.

[–]Creaturbing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of my 6 year relationship with my cunt girlfriend. She treated me like shit for no good reason. Today I know that she had severe psychological problems (she has borderline personality disorder, as I have learned about a year after I left her). When I read about your experience, I feel sooo lucky that I never married her or had any kids. Thank god for that. We still have a loan together, which will run until 2020. This part I really don't like, but we don't have any contact anymore, thankfully. But I still hate reading her name every month on my bills. This whole shit just comes to show you that no matter how much you get involved with a person, always look out for your own ass.

[–]midoriringo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You needed a body camera, voice recorder, GoPro or something that can hold up in court. Thanks for sharing. I will take the advice just like most others here will. Lesson learned.

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[–]pinstrap 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I've read some terrible stories, but this one takes the cake. It sounds like you married a legitimate sociopath.

[–]jumpingdonkey 1 point2 points  (3 children)

@Urbanbanger i remember a similar story like yours on here a while back, that woman also somehow had the support of her family to completely fuck over her husband.

I simply (still) cannot wrap my head around this, how can this be ? you spend enough time with her family right ? they have seen for themselves what your like, right ? then how do they believe her bullshit ?!

Unless it all has been an elaborate plan and her family was in on it right from the beginning ?!

[–]WilliamBott 1 point2 points  (5 children)

  1. What a bitch.

  2. Your lawyer is wrong. If she backed her phone up to your computer, you can look at it all you want. If you came to my house and copied YOUR stuff onto MY computer, I could not get in trouble for "breaching your privacy" by looking at it.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How are you affording lifting and spinning multiple plates if you can barely afford to live?

[–]UrbanBanger[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have my own garage at my apartment. Gym set inside. Bike 16km to and from work each day.. Work out afternoons 3 times a week.

I meet a lot of women through my hobbies

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Your wife was making 150k+ and you still got divorce raped financially?

[–]Shubrook 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Take that pile of evidence and send it to that female cop's boss. He might be interested to read it.

  2. Go to your local paper. Remember that for women, the worst thing in the world is public shame.

[–]DatYute 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It may not mean much coming from a random person on the internet, but I really wish the best for you my brother.

I literally cannot understand how a person can be like that. She is barely a person at all in my eyes.

[–]no_coats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing.

Not wanting to spend time with your friends, your family, and her family not warming to you are big issues and big red flags. I know this because I lived through a hellacious relationship and was a total cuck.

I can't stress this enough. I know someone reading this wants to be in a LTR or already is. Take these signs seriously, the whining when you want to go out with the boys, the bitching about going home to see your family for a weekend, etc.

Don't fall in the pussy.

[–]Gross_Guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Worth the fucking read. This was brutal but it's good to see you're making the changes you need to become the best man you can be. Don't let her fucking get away with it. Fight tooth and nail for your kids and everything else that is yours in this. Also find a way to use that planning evidence. Hire a computer cleaning guy and say they found it while backing up your stuff. Asking if you wanted to save any files before wiping your system. It's legit, and at the same time you don't breach the AVO since the back-ups have a legit reason for being found

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


What is this?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Holy shit.

Hope you continue to progress with what you been doing in the last 6 months and more.

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This hits way to close to home. I wouldn't of believed this could happen 2 years ago, but going through something very similar to this, I feel you man. People laugh when I say I'll never marry again, they just don't get it.

[–]phibetared 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man this would make a great thriller movie. Start it out about the bad evil man abusing his wife, then half-way through the movie the truth starts to trickle out....

While reading this I was reminded of "Fatal Attraction", the movie with Glenn Close that was a major hit 29 years ago. Reading gave me the same scary feeling as that movie did.

[–]RedPillSpookyGhost 1 point2 points  (1 child)

still thinking the best course of action is paying some guys to club your wife to death. and her family as well.

[–]CTLS83 2 points2 points [recovered]





You and the soldier who got married and divorced twice literally break me. I mean, I don't even know what to say to you, brother. Could you honestly say ANYTHING to a story like this?

It's so unfair. It's so, so unfair.

[–]redsfan277 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you sure that your kid is yours?

Sounds really fucking tough man. Good luck. this is why i am super afraid of marriage honestly

[–]Dildo_Saggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And people wonder how murder-suicides happen.

[–]MelvinRedPill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for posting this. It's stories like this that keep me in check. Keep me grounded as to why I need to follow TRP and not let my frame drop.

Sorry for what happened to you.

[–]Stythe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is one of the worst stories I've ever heard in here. It kills me because it seems you genuinely tried to do well and got ducked by her, her family and a every system designed to make the world move. I have no comparison that comes close, despite knowing that had my relationship with my crazy ex continued it may have ended in a similar way. I can only imagine how frustrated and upset you are.

Still, starting to lift and take up hobbies and rekindle friendships makes it sound like you're already doing the best you can. Keep it up and good luck. Or good planning, may be more accurate.

[–]callme-roy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What happens with money distribution in a case like this if the house somehow suddenly burns down?

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