TL:DR Don’t Ever Get Married. Learn from my mistakes. I implore you.
I'm not perfect, but i tried to be the best husband and father that I could. If you can be bothered to read this, it will show you what can happen when a woman, even your wife…mother of your kids, decides you are no longer needed
I met my wife when we were neighbours back in 2005. I was 24…she was 32. I was a total Blue Pill Motherfucker.
We moved in after 6 months of dating, and life was good. We both had very well paying, stable jobs...although we were renting we were comfortable enough to rent a 3-bedroom house in an inner city suburb.
There were warning signs that now, looking back on I should have been able to recognize and jump ship straight away. Things like:
- Her family never really warmed to me.
- She never wanted to go to visit my family (2-hour drive from us) and if she did, there was always a fight (initiated by her) either before, or during the trip to their place…which would cause extreme tension with all of us.
- It was expected that we would spend the majority of our Christmas and Easter holidays at her families’ place (10+ hour drive away) whilst only spending at most a day (more often a few hours) celebrating with my family.
- She was never comfortable when it came to socializing with my group of friends…. but It was expected that I would with hers. (weekends away with her friends, dinners etc. etc. etc.)
I (Stupidly)ended up proposing in 2010, and we got married 2011.l..soon we were expecting our first child.
I was shocked that before she went into labour she made me promise her that I wouldn’t tell my parents when she went into labour as she didn’t want them coming down to the hospital. (Another massive warning)
Our daughter was born in 2012 and I was relishing being a father.
Bearing in mind that she was on maternity leave and this cut her pay from 150K+ down to almost nothing.
As a result, I was working my ass off to provide for my family. Not just in my job…but at home as well.
I would cook dinner for all of us at 6 in the morning while I was getting her breakfast and lunch ready…then go to work at 7….work till 7… come home…change nappies, give bottles, baths, prepare food … rinse…repeat.
I came home one day (when our daughter was a month old) to find her with her bags packed saying she was “going to her parents place (10+ hours away) for a month as I wasn’t helping enough"….
I was floored…I said to her that I was doing everything that I could…. but to her it wasn’t enough….so she went with our daughter for a month to her parents. I didn’t see my family for a month.
When she came back things became progressively worse.
There was constant criticism over everything that I did…from not cooking her the right vegetarian meals, to her complaining that she didn’t want to eat last night’s leftovers for lunch the next day (Yet I was still cooking…every morning at 6.)….
Saying she didn’t want my parents coming to visit as they encroached on her space ( yet she expected them to drive 2 hours each way every Monday to look after our daughter so she could have time out…
It was simply that she didn’t want them around HER.
My friends would cook us meals as they knew I was struggling and even though it was an amazing gesture and I was so grateful…my STBX would say to me when my friends weren’t around that “the food tasted like crap” etc. etc.…
It got to the stage where I was finding not just the meals, but the meals, untouched in the Tupperware in the bin. I confronted her about this and was ripped to shreds…
I blue-pilled myself even deeper….and accepted her alienating my family…and friends as part of what just happens during marriage.
All the meanwhile threatening to take our daughter and leave me if I didn’t do this and that.
I went without any form of intimacy from her for 12 months…when our daughter turned one I brought it up that we hadn’t had sex in a year…I asked if there was something wrong…She said that she had lost her libido.
Again, I just accepted this and whilst I tried to initiate any form of intimacy (hugs, kisses, cuddles on the couch) I was always given the standard run of the mill excuses (headache, tired, sore etc.).
She was quite happy to take massages, foot rubs, etc. but would always roll her eyes when I offered and say “you’re just doing that to get sex”
A couple of years passed with this steady stream of me being blue-pill as fuck and her manipulating me, alienating my family and friends and treating me like a doormat.
My wife would have 3-4 nights a week when she would be out for various reasons
I had finished getting our daughter ready (as i did every night, which included the standard of being dropped at, and picked up from daycare, fed, bathed, stories read, songs sung and in bed) when she came home a little drunk, nothing too overt…but she for the first time in almost 2 years initiated sex with me. She almost seemed relieved that I accepted her advances (Massive warning sign)
9 months later, our son was born. That is when my life was literally destroyed.
Her behavior got worse, I suspected Post Natal Depression…and gently tried to suggest this to her…she flipped out and said that she had been seeing a psychologist for months because of ME…and that I was to blame for all of her problems..
I spoke to my friends, family and they agreed with me, that something was wrong with her.
I have never been concerned for the welfare of my children with their mother. Let me make that quite clear.
I found Facebook messages to her ex before me (10 years ago) saying that she was going to take our children and introduce them to him (he is a divorcee with a son, who runs an investment banking firm…. flash cars, big houses etc.).
Whilst these messages weren’t incriminating or eluding to her cheating on me, I was offended that she would want to introduce our kids to firstly an ex of over 10 years.
As usual, I was the asshole and stalker for bringing this up and it was none of my business who she took our kids to see.
She said that things to me after our son was born (during arguments) like:
- At least I enjoyed fucking my ex
- You’re just a deadbeat dad
- Marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life
- Why are you such a Loser
- You’re just a cunt, like your father.
- I’m going to put measures in place so that you never go hunting again *(she knew that outdoors and hunting were a true love of mine and I had been doing it for 25 years - only going once a year in Winter)
- I'm going to make sure your son has nothing to do with you so he can grow up to be nothing like you.
On multiple occasions I was phyiscally assaulted by her. Once before our son was born, she said to me while I was driving the car on a road trip:
If you speak like your father does ever again, ill fucking stab you
Some times that are burnt in my mind are:
- She kicked me in the groin from behind while I was sorting out the Tupperware container,
- She even said when I went on my annual hunting trip with my one friend “I hope you get fucking shot in the head” – this was heard by my best friend
- She hit me over the back of the head with a nappy bin while I was sitting down in the lounge room for no other reason than she was “disgusted by the sight of me”
Not once did I ever react. I’m a pacifist and have never even been in a fight…ever (I’m 34 now)
Here is where it when nuclear.
Our kids were asleep and I asked her if I could go downstairs and clean and polish the car as it hadn’t been done in a while…an argument ensued about me not spending enough quality time with her. I brought up the fact that she never shows me any intimacy or love anymore.
She went to punch me in the face with a closed fist, I grabbed her wrist and asked her why she was behaving like this and what the hell was going on. I let go of her wrist and she went to hit me again, so I grabbed her wrist and said “don’t hit me”.
I let her go…again. She immediately took her phone out and took a photo of the ‘hypercolour’ effect that your skin has when there has been pressure applied.
A massive alarm went off in the back of my mind…why the hell would she do this???
Over the next month she kept demanding that I leave our home, our home which I renovated, and we bought together…
I told her I wasn’t leaving and that we needed to fix this.
I finally decided that this toxicity in the relationship was killing me...and my kids.... and agreed we needed to separate. I was destroyed...ashamed that my marriage had failed...and didnt know what more i could have done.
So I agreed to mediation for separation of assets, child custody arrangements would come later.
I was also to move out within 28 days of the mediation, she would pay me an agreed amount 6 months’ time. (Another massive no no)
I later found out that my wife had been having meetings with the mediator and her lawyer prior to this to formulate a plan to fuck me like a chook - and fuck me like a chook she did.
About 1030 at night I was working late (my career dictated that I had to do some work outside of hours) ….I got a phone call from a private number, normally I don’t answer and let It go to voicemail but I thought it may have been a client so I answered.
“Hello, is that UrbanBanger?”
“May I ask who is calling?”
“Yes, its Officer Chad from Thundercock Police Station here”
“What can I do for you Officer Chad?”
“We need you to come to the police station”
“I can’t tell you that, you just need to come to the station”
“I’m not attending a police station unless I know what it is for….?” (this went back and forth for a few minutes)
“We need to serve you with an Apprehended Violence Order”
“What for??? What Have I done????”
“We will explain that to you when you get here”
I left work and went straight home…I told my wife what had just happened, she denied knowing anything about it and said that she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.
I attended the police station…was served with an AVO.
I told them that I had spoken to my wife prior to coming to the police station and she knew had told me she knew nothing about it…. the police office scoffed at me, laughed and told me that If lied again, and tried to manipulate the situation that they would charge me with perverting the course of justice.
They also told me that they had seen the photos of the ‘bruises on her wrists’ (remember when she went to hit me and I grabbed her???) and that If my wife complained about me in any way, saying that I either intimidated, stalked, harassed or made her feel uncomfortable that they would arrest, charge and thrown me in jail.
They then accompanied me to my house, took my guns, ammunition, hunting bows etc.…then left.
I went back upstairs (330 am)…..absolutely floored and in complete shock.
My wife came out and asked what had happened. I told her…and again she denied any knowledge of it….
I then went to work at 6am and made some calls. I received solid advice that whilst I didn’t want to, that I had to move out of the house straight away as she could make up any shit about me and I would be nailed to the wall.
I called my closest friend and told him what happened. He said I could stay with him as long as need be.
That day at midday I left work early to go home and get a bag of clothes. I called the police and explained to them the situation and that I wanted a police witness at the house to ensure there was no breach of the AVO. They complied and met me at my house.
I went upstairs with them and found that the locks had already been changed…and her parents who live 10/11 hours’ drive away, or a 3 hour flight and 4 hour drive…were in my house (conveniently timed???).
Over the next 4 months I gathered statements to help my case, evidence to show that she had assaulted and abused me (emotionally and physically) and managed to get the AVO quashed completely
I got my guns back and by this stage had moved all of my clothes and stuff from the garage to my friends’ place.
She still lived in the house that was full of all of our stuff, and refused to even let me take as much as a coffee mug until I signed the separation agreement which by this stage had been formalised by her lawyer and delivered to me. She wouldnt even let me see my kids.
Thank god I refused to sign that agreement - If had signed it...I would have ended up with nothing .
I told her that I wasn’t signing it until my lawyer had reviewed it. She went mental....like nothing that I had ever seen before.
My ex-communication from my family was preplanned, pre meditated and executed with the help of her friends and family.
My lawyer went through all of our financials, everything. They found that even with her being the primary carer, and the bullshit AVO... I am entitled to a lot more than was in the agreement
They are in the process of providing a letter of intent to my wife at the moment. She either accepts it and gives me what is in the letter…or we go to court and that will take years.
Something I don’t want.
There is a lot more that went on that I can’t be fucked adding here as its either irrelevant, or hurts too much to even type it out.
On the plus side...i was introduced to TRP the day that I was served with the AVO.
I only wish that I had found it before I had met my STBX wife.
In the last 6 months I have begun lifting, and gone from 88kgs to 100kgs (I am 6ft5)
I am storming the trenches... ;)
I am spending a lot of time taking photos, which is theraputic for me, also hunting and rekindling friendships that I had nearly lost due to my alienation of them in my marriage.
And fighting tooth and nail to spend time with my kids.
edit: formatting and grammatical
A number of fellow RPillers have asked if I can upload the docs as evidence (and as reasoning for you all to be wary). I will upload tonight after I have redacted names and places etc
*edit; this post Has gone a bit mental. Didnt expect so much air play. Have edited in case it ends up on the sidebar.