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I have dated this girl for about 6 months. My first red flag was the first time she came over to my apartment when she told that she could never have sex again because she just never really desires it. At first she was crazy attracted to me. If I texted her to come over to my apartment she would be over in minutes. We had sex multiple times a week. We were both super happy and everything was great.

Long story short, some crazy shit happened to her family and we ended up basically having to live together for about a month after only being together for a month. I was super helpful to her and her family. I gave her rides everywhere and took care of her little brother. For whatever reason she woke up one morning and decided she never wanted to touch me or have sex with me anymore. We went from doing it all the time to maybe 2-3 times a month. The relationship started going downhill from there. Eventually she just began to ignore me and never want to hang out at all even if we weren't having sex. Tonight I got her to come over and I told her what I expected out of this relationship. All I asked for was to hang out a few times a week and at least have sex once a week. I then asked her why she stopped wanting to have any physical intimacy with me. She told me that it's not that she's not attracted to me ( I never asked if that was the reason) or anything like that. Her reasoning was that she had sex so much because she was trying to get me to commit to her and now that she has me she no longer needed to behave that way. I told her I have no interest being with anyone that thinks that way and that she should leave. Fuck. Yes. I feel so much better.

On a side note, how can I prevent this from happening in the future? I really liked her. She told me she used to have sex with her ex she dated 3-5 times a week. Somehow she never wanted to touch me. I'm a pretty damn good looking dude and have never ran into this issue before.

The scariest fucking thing about this whole situation is that I saw a post on this sub concerning Borderline Personality Disorder. This girl has nearly every god damn symptom.


[–]_the_shape_ 205 points206 points  (55 children)

At first she was crazy attracted to me. If I texted her to come over to my apartment she would be over in minutes. We had sex multiple times a week. We were both super happy and everything was great.

An overwhelming majority of the time, attraction wanes and does not reach the level it was once at. Better to accept this as a fact of life than to set out on a quest to do whatever it takes to revive it once this happens again (and it very likely will).

Tonight I got her to come over and I told her what I expected out of this relationship. All I asked for was to hang out a few times a week and at least have sex once a week. I then asked her why she stopped wanting to have any physical intimacy with me.

Read Rollo's piece titled "Just Get It" and "The Desire Dynamic". Women want guys who just get it, who understand how the game works, and they cannot be negotiated into 'producing' mechanically (i.e. spreading her legs) for the sake of a relationship, especially one in critical condition (perhaps already dead, only you failed to read the signs, possibly because you didn't know what to look for in the first place). Truth is, even if she agreed to let you tap that ass a very modest once a week, the resentment would have only exponentially grown with each passing session. Tying together her feelz (or lack thereof) with the responsibility of putting out is a ticking time bomb in the making. This is precisely why we constantly tell others around here to NEVER GET MARRIED, because should you find yourself in this situation within a marriage, you almost certainly ain't going nowhere without getting a serious beating (financial) first (think of gangs nice enough to simply have a few other members pummel you for a few minutes instead of killing you in order to defect from the gang). By the way, there are about 34,896 other reasons to get married, but I digress...

She told me that it's not that she's not attracted to me ( I never asked if that was the reason) or anything like that.

Women always try to save face, even when caught red-handed ("you forced me to cheat on you! It's your fault!") Don't hate them for it, just learn to read them better ("listen to her actions, not her words")

Her reasoning was that she had sex so much because she was trying to get me to commit to her and now that she has me she no longer needed to behave that way.

Hmmm. A little surprising she'd come right out and admit that, but consider it a loud and clear warning shot. You now know what you're dealing with (or dealt with, rather). Anything else going wrong between you and her falls squarely on your shoulders now.

I told her I have no interest being with anyone that thinks that way and that she should leave. Fuck. Yes. I feel so much better.

Good job. I've been there before, and yes, it takes balls to do what you did, particularly if you have little or no knowledge of TRP and could have been colored a typical blue-piller. Things will begin to get much better from here on out if you stick with the wise counsels found around these here parts.

On a side note, how can I prevent this from happening in the future? I really liked her. She told me she used to have sex with her ex she dated 3-5 times a week. Somehow she never wanted to touch me. I'm a pretty damn good looking dude and have never ran into this issue before.

Begin with readjusting the crosshairs belonging to your concerns. Remove them from your dating life and aim them square at yourself. Change the question(s). Start caring about YOU a billion times more. "How do I grow stronger?" "How do I get better at what I do?" "How do I become interesting?" "How do I learn to enjoy my own company?" These are a handful of questions that ought to tower above concerns that reek of "the one". You already made the first bold move (breaking up with this succubus), and a damn good one too. Tread down this path of achievement-based self-love and with enough persistence, perseverance, and determination, you'll never again have it "happen in the future".

[–]sixxstlol[S] 65 points66 points  (50 children)

This is an amazing post. Thank you. I'm a pretty skinny guy, 5'10 and only 145lbs. Time to hit the gym. However, this shit has to be for me, not to make her jealous.

[–]vagbutters 36 points37 points  (29 children)

You're pretty skinny for your height/weight, but probably in perfect shape to start bulking. Hit the gym, focus on improving yourself, and I guarantee that after 6 months-1 year you'll be netting women far hotter than this bimbo you have oneitis for.

It may sound like the idealistic ramblings of an internet stranger, but I've seen the change firsthand, as have plenty of other men here. Stop thinking about it and get your ass to the gym.

[–]sixxstlol[S] 23 points24 points  (23 children)

I'm moving on the 16th. I'll be right next to a nice gym. Starting the day after I move.

[–]JohnnySkidmarx 48 points49 points  (19 children)

Start the day you move you lazy bastard!

[–]dareealmvp 3 points4 points  (15 children)

I had made a post about this on asktrp -my lower back pain is a major issue that prevents me from lifting-and only gets worse the more I try to lift weights. I'm just 21, about 70 kg (about 154 pounds) and 5'6". I got various solutions from the asktrp subreddits but they're all very tedious and slow, and it pains me every time I see my fellow red pillers giving so much importance to lifting. I wish I could hit the gym right now, start lifting and feel like a man again... Instead I have to stick to back pain exercises...

[–]CuzcoNOC 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Find a powerlifting gym with a reverse hyperextension. My lower back has never felt better than when I've been doing them consistently. I usually just put in 3-5 easy sets as my last exercise on lower body days.

[–]Manmore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this, reverse hypers are so fucking good

[–]SmokeyMcBlunt 1 point2 points  (8 children)

How did you get these back pain problems?

[–]dareealmvp 1 point2 points  (7 children)

It's difficult to pinpoint an exact event or circumstance that led to it, my best bet is it happened back in high school about 5 years ago, when the PE instructor was evaluating us for how many sit-ups we could do and I did it very wrongly in order to make it faster (I was a reckless show-off back then). From what I remember, it was from then that my back pain problems started... Other sources could be my reckless habits of jumping off 7-9 feet at once from walls and on stairs without using proper landing techniques, and wrong sitting postures...

[–]SmokeyMcBlunt 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Man, that sucks, sit-ups are def. not good for your back I know that. So does the treatment you're getting now work? Or did the doctor basically say you will have these problems for a lifetime one way or another?

[–]dareealmvp 0 points1 point  (3 children)

The doctor has said nothing about it. Can't trust the doc on this, he just gave me a simple exercise without even listening to my whole problem. I live in India and I have a very strong feeling doctors here aren't as good as doctors in the west.

The asktrp subreddit offered a lot more help though. Also have been doing some back pain relieving yoga. Has worked to some extent, but still the pain remains whenever I try to do anything that strains the back...

[–]10211799107 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go to startingstrength.com and search the forums for lower back pain. Ask questions and read the book. Hundreds of people have had back surgeries, knee replacements, all sorts of shit that became better with proper lifting technique.

[–]suchhound 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chiropractor once a week, hyper extensions at the gym then when your back is better deadlifts and chiropractor once a month

That's how I fixed my back

[–]Cashews4U 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop coming here for lifting advice. Go to rbodybuilding or rweightroom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you need to see a physiotherapist perhaps a manual physio at that. What country are you in? Different countries health providers have different scopes of practice.

[–]RPSnuggles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Learn how to stretch. Do you lie on your back and stretch your lower back via your legs? Have you tried a chiropractor?

[–]Donuteater780 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couch deadifts don't count?

[–]banginasgard 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Something something best way to make progress is to start today.

Although if you can seriously commit to doing it after you move, it's no problem.

[–]NevrEndr 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hey Bro,

IMO at your stature you need to get bigger. lift heavy and think about investing in a strength coach that can guide you. Do not fall into fucking around where you are lifting baby weight and not getting stronger week after week. Your goal should be 160 lbs by September.

low reps / heavy weight / eat a fuckton

Deadlifts, Bench Press, Squats (on different days) with accessories worked in.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Can confirm. Working out 8 mos., compared to dudes in the gym I'm not big at all, but so few men pump that when I'm out of the gym I'm "muscular" to women.

[–]yomo86 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Gave me a good chuckle. Yes in the gym I'm average maybe more on the weightlifter instead of the male model side but still average but when you leave no 10 yrds away people start looking like goo.