In a LTR, women often turn down sex to gain power and leverage. What happens if a man turns them down? What does the hamster do? Any theories? Experiences?

319Skew · 2018-02-08T00:11:31+00:00

Here's an anecdotal story. Take from what it what you will.

When I was married, I noticed that I'd instigate 9/10 of our sex sessions and was getting annoyed. So I decided to try an experiment. For a solid month I decided that I'd obtain from any form of sex. No masturbation or sex or anything. I wouldn't escalate or create any sexual tension beyond making out. Here's what I observed:

Week 1

No real change. I became irritable as fuck as I tried to keep myself busy and distracted. No difference in regards to her behaviors. Super easy to play off sex as she didn't catch on or suspect anything.

Week 2 Again nothing major but I noticed that she would occasionally try to instigate but I kept playing it off saying that I was busy, tired, not feeling to well. I NEVER told her what I was doing but kept up appearances.

Week 3 This started to get interesting. I started to get really horny but was managing it really well. I'd tease her with kisses and then just vanish. I'd have reasons to keep busy and I noticed that she started to become VERY affectionate and almost concerned. She'd mention how we didn't have sex in awhile and she missed that. I'd apologize and just tell her that it's OK. I still found her attractive but I was just busy. Things will get better.

Week 4

She started to get really horny and would try to fuck whenever we were alone together. We had family stay with us so it made it a challenge but she was trying. She also started to get paranoid that she wasn't as attractive or that I was seeing someone else. I worked all the time and spent my time with her so I kept playing it off as her paranoia. I also started to enjoy the role reversal and wanted to extend the experiment to two months. By now I was pretty good at self control and knowing how much she wanted me kinda gave me a cruel ego boost.

Week 4.5

I woke up with her sliding my pants off and trying to blow me. She was desperate. I tried to play it off saying that I didn't feel clean or something but she didn't care. She wanted it. She wanted my D so bad that she just proceeded to slide me into what I swear is the most wet I've ever seen/felt her and just fuck me like crazy.

I didn't last or stop myself. I just gave in and we banged like it was our first time. What followed was her on her best behavior for a few days.

She mentioned that she missed me and was feeling like we were growing apart and she was worried about losing me. I didn't know what I know now but this stuck with me for years.

The one thing a woman can give her man that he can't get for himself is sex. You can get better companionship from other men or a dog but if you're straight that's the one thing that she'll always have over you (if you're in a monogamous relationship). You take that away and she's got nothing. On some primal level she knows that.

I hope this helps. Again this is from my experience with my EX. I've done this again with a few plates and it works to different degrees but never to the point where I was almost raped by my own wife.

electrogenisis · 2018-02-07T23:35:47+00:00

Two reactions.

They get clingy or they get bitchy and impatient.

Depends on how much they want you though.

Hunter2isit · 2018-02-08T00:06:08+00:00

I've had them blow the fuck up in my face. She was BPD

I've also had them realize that sex isn't a leverage tool, panties get wet.

Austinisfullgohome · 2018-02-08T01:48:46+00:00

The hamster goes fucking nuts. “Did I gain weight? Does he not find me attractive? Is he getting it somewhere else? What the fuck? Guys always want it, right? Did I piss him off or something?”

Before I continue please note that this only applies to the men that women are actually attracted to. If you suck in bed or she’s uninterested, she’ll allow you to slide right out into orbit.

We, as women, are not used to rejection. It goes all the way back to childhood. Boys are told to suck it up while girls are consoled. Guys went to prom as a group because no girls said yes. Girls went to prom as a group because their first choices didn’t ask them. We do not get turned down because we never have to ask anyone out. This is not to say we never ask guys out, but it’s not our sole option. If a woman gets rejected, she can generally find a willing partner elsewhere. A romantic rejection like this is something very few women understand.

So it’s a new and uncomfortable feeling, just as it was for you in middle school. Except in adult relationships it’s unclear—“Is he really that tired? Or is it me?”

Then the self-doubt and a little insecurity sneaks in. We know how much guys like sex because the world never shuts up about it. “So why the hell isn’t my vagina good enough?”^{^squeak} ^{^squeak}

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-02-08T00:33:02+00:00

Read some of the posts by women on /r/deadbedrooms

(Also read some posts by men if you want examples of pubescent BB's in their natural habitat.)

1) They get frustrated, bored, and resentful.

In the short run, women will get competitive and generally try harder next time. This is a good thing as women should never take your sexuality for granted in an LTR.

In my opinion, It's important to turn her down or ignore IOIs for sex occasionally. This is because women need you to provide them with contrast and perspective.

Women have a strong Sour Grapes Response, but in this case they're not going to risk further rejection/humiliation.

So they'll just become resentful and lose respect for you after a few rejections.

2)However, if you fail to Fuck Her Good on a regular basis, the resentment and boredom wins and she'll just branch swing.

Note: this is assuming that you don't already bore and irritate them with low value behaviors, such as surrendering your frame to them. In which case they don't care whether you fuck them. Turning them down just makes them feel more justified in chasing more attractive men.

nomba · 2018-02-08T04:21:55+00:00

If it goes on long enough, she’ll rationalize why it’s alright for her to cheat.

Voshe · 2018-02-08T14:14:24+00:00

Explosive anger from one woman. Big tears from another. It's like mentioned earlier in the thread, this is completely unknown territory for women.

RPAlternate42 · 2018-02-08T18:48:52+00:00

Women go apeshit when they are turned down for sex. I believe it stems from the fact that women know, deep down, that sex is the only power they have with you.

The problem for them is that they are not strong enough or aggressive enough (in most cases) to force you to have sex. A woman's weapons are social whereas a man's are physical.

So when you turn her down for sex, you will shamed, insulted, talked about to her friends, and if she's a real piece of work, start looking for another dude to try to make you jealous; her solipsism makes her believe that you will react as she would in that same situation.

Except any self-respecting man would just leave if she did that. But then he should have left if he's not in a position to fuck his girl.

This all assumes you weren't otherwise busy.

Anecdote:

Early on in RP I started turning down my wife for starfish sex. Whereas before I would have relished any sex I was armed with the understanding RP provided. So when she went starfish, I simply said, "eh... nevermind."

She immediately softened up, but as I was getting dressed she wasn't trying to get me back in bed. She did say, "I don't know what you want."

"I want you to give a shit about fucking me. I'm better than all this." Then I left the house.

The texts that followed accused me of not caring about her (shaming and gaslighting), accused me of cheating on her (gaslighting and avoidance). When I didn't answer, then she claimed she can't get into it because I don't spend enough time with her and the kids (more gaslighting.) Then when I didn't answer, THEN she pulls out the "I was tired" classic.

So I responded: "You should get some sleep, then."

"You're an asshole."

"<smiley face emoji>"

When I returned home a couple hours later (around midnight but later) she was still awake (I thought she was so tired!) I got undressed, brushed my teeth again, and climbed into bed. She was still awake. Hamsters must make a lot of racket in their wheel. She said nothing.

The next day I went about my business as usual: yard work, garage organization, etc. About midday she busts out more crap: "I don't know why you're being like this... you left last night, not me."

"Like what? You seem upset, not me."

"You're an asshole."

"I've done, literally, nothing to you. and you've openly insulted me, twice. Don't talk to me unless you can be nicer."

"Well stop being an asshole."

I considered some amused mastery, but her face looked legitimately pissed. Still, I walked up to her and invaded her personal space, making her step backwards. I stared at her eyes, moving closer. She backed up. This continued until she hit the wall. I went to kiss her and she turned her face. I stepped back, shrugged, changed my clothes and left.

I returned a few hours later, but she wasn't home. When she did return, I said hello from the other room. no response. As the night wound down she eventually went to bed. I got the kids in bed. I watched a movie in the living room. I got a text: "We can have sex if you want."

Suddenly she's not a starfish that night. Not the greatest sex, but a vast improvement.

There were a couple more episodes like that, and my time away got longer and longer. She gave up that shitty behavior pretty quick. The third time it happened, she was just laying there, and instead of walking away, I said "so you're just going to lay there like a despondent hooker?"

And again: "I don't know what you..."

I just flipped her over, pulled her to her knees and fucked her doggy. I was pretty violent about moving her and I pounded her hard; if she wants to act like a despondent hooker, then i'll treat her like a despondent hooker. I finished in her, pulled out, got dressed ("where are you going?"... I responded in silence) and went to the living room to watch some show I had missed some episodes of while I drank a beer.

The next day she was like a kitten in my lap.

General rule is don't turn your girl down for sex. There are exceptions, but always give her the benefit of the doubt when it comes to sex. If you start in on it and she's just a dead fish, you can make that call. Early on you can deny her the satisfaction of thinking she has you wrapped around her cunt. Later, as your frame is better developed and you are more swole (you are lifting, right?) you can go a different route and ignore her nonsense and just treat her like a backpage escort.

And to answer your question: her hamster tells her:

you're cheating on her
you think she's fat
you think she's ugly
you don't love her anymore
you're an asshole
she doesn't really like you much anyway
she misses you
you're a loser
you're going to leave her
she needs you
she doesn't need you

Basically the hamster just tells her all the things.

joedevice · 2018-02-08T16:31:53+00:00

Turning down sex in an LTR will cause dread that will make the hamster spin faster than you've ever seen it.

Pluglord · 2018-02-08T03:31:38+00:00

Don't listen to these autists commenting. If your girl is horny and you turn down sex enough times she will go get it elsewhere.

Keep in mind that any mildly attractive female doesn't understand the feeling of NOT being able to find sex at a time that they need it. They don't have a discipline like we do.

[deleted] · 2018-02-08T11:46:51+00:00

I would find after 2-3 weeks should would get really horny and we'd fuck. Hoeever that would be another 2-3 weeks.

They don't do it on purpose. If they arent attracted they arent attracted.

When we first started dating we fucked average 4 times a day.

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2018-02-08T17:37:07+00:00

One got so horny that she grabbed my dick and started blowing me in the middle of the driveway, outside the car. The other just would not stop pestering me for an hour until I said fine and we fucked.