Rant/VentingOverthinking: The Beta Male Trait That Is Holding You Back. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

No matter how long I hang around TRP, and implement the principles in my life. No matter how much growth I experience or lessons I learn. Every now and then I will find myself questioning myself, or falling back into my old ways. It's always a wake up call if I can take something out of it. It keeps me on track. I'm sure we have all been there and will continue to go through these stages of growth.


This is what all our problems usually boil down to. If you're over at asktrp, asking what you should be saying or how you should be acting in certain situations. This is what is holding you back. It's a beta male trait that lives in all of us and we need to learn to tame it. Thinking is good, overthinking isn't.

We all weren't born with the answers, but we were born with the ability to find them. The problem comes when we are afraid to make a mistake, when we dwell on making the perfect choice. Whether it be a text to send, A job change, a boundary to create, whatever. You already have the direction inside of you, you just need to learn to get in touch with that direction. That direction is instinct, it's your masculinity. Learn to listen to it, act on it, and question it later.

A lot of times you will see on this sub, to ignore your emotions. You shouldn't ignore them, you should get in touch with them. Know what they mean, and what purpose they serve for you. I'm not telling you to walk around crying like a little bitch. I'm saying experience what you're feeling and figure out why you're feeling it and what purpose it's serving. Use it to your advantage. Maybe your anxiety is being mistaking for excitement. Maybe your fear isn't trying to save you, but showing you to get out of your comfort zone. Once you learn about your emotions and what they mean you can use them to your advantage. All your answers live on the other side of fear. Your overthinking is causing you to hide from your fears, instead of acting on them.

You're so worried about the perfect text to send to her. What should I say? Should I wait to send it? Then you send it and she doesn't text back right away and you beat yourself up over it. We need to knock that shit off. The red pill talks about putting yourself before the women so why do we constantly do the opposite? You should be doing what you want. When I say this I mean what your inner gut wants. What your inner beast wants. What your testosterone is telling you. Not what your mommy is or has told you.

Take a look at yourself. Do you want to send the text? Then do it. Do you want to approach? Then do it. Is it scary? For now, it is. Will it be awkward. at first. But that's normal. What's the right thing to say? Ask yourself what makes you chuckle. That's what you say. Whatever pops in your head. That's what you say. Stop taking yourself so seriously. And stop being afraid of fucking up.

We are these fun and cool dudes around our boys and once the woman comes along. We freeze up and get up in our heads and turn into this serious person all of a sudden. That's what's fucking you up. Deep down you're cool, you're fun, you're whatever you are and that's good enough. As long as it's coming from the roots of your being. Don't question it, just be it. Then see the results in comparison to your goals and adjust accordingly.

My student was as beta as they come, he is a changed man. Complete 180. What happened? He's still the same person, he just learned how to be free. How to get In touch with his masculinity and do and say what HE wants to say. He had it all along the only problem was he was trying to be cool. He was overthinking every little thing. He was programmed as most of us are before discovering TRP that he had to act a certain way and couldn't act the way his inner beast wanted him to act. He would talk to me normal as day but in the presence of a female say some stupid shit that he thought up in his head for the last 15 minutes.

Stop overthinking and just do what your gut is telling you. When you walk up to a woman. You shouldn't even be thinking what to say. You should know you have all the "right" words already in you. You should feel what makes you happy, and have fun and go with it. When I go up to a woman. I shut my mind off and say whatever pops into my head. Do I always have the right thing to say? Fuck no. Do I care? Fuck no. Most of my best interactions with people were when I was nervous and "didn't know what to say" and just said fuck it and winged it. You'd be surprised at the results. The woman who are supposed to be in your life will be there no matter what the fuck you say. As long as you're congruent With your masculine energy and not thinking of what is perfect.

You will succeed far more from learning and failing on your own than reading a canned thing to say on here. You're not helping yourself by saying things someone else told you to say. Guess what fellas we all don't know what the fuck the "right" thing is to say. Some of us are just more sure of ourselves. If GLO came on here and told all of you to squawk like a chicken at women and it will get you laid. I'm sure a bunch of you would do it. And guess what? It might fucking work because you're not thinking about it, you're just doing it and trusting in it because you trust in him. Learn to trust in yourself. He isn't some God he's just a man like me and you but he has put this shit to the test. He walks to his own beat and learns from his own mistakes. He isn't afraid to fail and learns along the way. That's the mindset you should be aiming for.

TL;DR Go out there say what you want. Do what you want. Feel what your body is telling you, act on it (as long as it's legal) and learn from it after. If your thoughts aren't servings a direct purpose to a solution you need to listen to your body and quite your thoughts

[–][deleted] 64 points64 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]Sementeries 12 points13 points  (11 children)

Reminds me of a kid I use to talk to who would just read about many thing, he was like a walking Wikipedia, but he never put the knowledge to use in getting experience.

[–]Polaris382 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I know that problem well enough. Why are do so many great thinkers and philosophers come across as so melancholy? Are they prone towards it, or are just the great thinkers which are pessimistic the ones which more often get recognized?

Im well versed with using alcohol to quiet my mind in the past, and that is a shit road that leads to nowhere...and will kill you if you let it.

The only other alternatives Ive found- Run, run until it hurts...and keep running for a while and push beyond what you thought you had in you. The "lift" mantra passed around here doesnt do it the same way. Im an avid lifter and runner, but there is something about running that is much more primal, peaceful, mindful, and takes you to a different place. That and meditation.

[–]solor84 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a theory that lifting is cultivating the "fight" response to stress, while running the "flight". I feel awesome doing both and I believe a balance between these two is necessary.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel the same as you lift-wise, however, I trade running in for swimming. For me there's just something about overcoming the difficulty of a long swim workout that makes me feel accomplished when I'm done with a swim workout. Makes me feel like I can take on the world and no one can fuckin stop me.

[–]francisco_DANKonia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The human body is more capable of running extreme distances than other animals, so we are designed to run. Not to take anything away from lifting.

[–]TomFoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

gawdamm that's a good analogy

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (5 children)

The older I get the more I just say what I want to fucking say. Now at this point it's automatic for me.

Example, going through a divorce right now, at lawyers office signing final paperwork, very happy to do so. 3 people in the room, my lawyer, his beautiful paralegal and his beautiful assistant. Two girls mid 20's, lawyer 50ish me 37.

Lawyer says to me, do I want a cat? I'm like WTF? I say no thanks, not into cats, he says why not, I explain to him why I don't want a fucking cat, conversation stops until a few minutes later he says, are you sure you don't what that pussy?

Without missing a beat I look the two girls in the eyes and say, that's not the pussy I'm looking for, the two girls went bright red, the lawyer laughed his ass of as did the girls.

Over that weekend I was emailing the paralegal several times and I mentioned about my comment I made about the pussy, she giggled and said she thought it was a great response and asked me out on a date!

Fuck it lads, say it as it is, we are on this planet for a good time not a long time say what you need to say without giving a fuck.

[–]Leviticus59 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agree about the age thing. I give fewer fucks about stuff as time goes on. I can't decide if it's natural masculine maturity or TRP taking deeper and deeper root in my psych. Don't really know ......and don't really give a fuck.

[–]flat6turbo 6 points7 points  (3 children)

yeah, that happened.

sorry to hear about your divorce though.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

sorry to hear about your divorce though.

No need for any sympathy pal, none what so ever. I'm delighted with the terms and conditions of my divorce, I've fought tooth and nail to get a fair child support payment and shared parenting for my kids which I will have 50% of the time. I'm working slowly and surly to have full custody of my children. A male in the family court system has the odds stacked totally against them, one must thread carefully when children are involved.

My soon to be ex wife has Borderline Personality Disorder. Very cunning psychopathy hence why I'm working slowly towards full custody as there is little harmony when my children are with her and she is getting every chance she can to sort her shit out but anyone who knows someone with BPD, they rarely change which is very unfortunate.

What is more unfortunate is someone living or married to a person with BPD, they will lie, manipulate and basically turn your life upside down and you will think you are the crazy one. I've deal with this for 14 years.

When I met my soon to be ex wife, I was a full brazed arse stupid fuck. I've been fed all the bullshit about respecting women no matter what. I did that for 8 years and all's I got was shit and more shit and more shit. Life was unbearable at times, so much so I had to squat in a house for a year just to get a mental break from this woman. Keep in mind, I Live in the US and I'm from Europe, a difficult situation to be in when your in a marriage with kids with a stark crazy woman.

Let me tell you something pal, I'm delighted I met this woman. The simple reason is she turned me into a man I always wanted to be. I stopped putting up with her shit and accommodating everything she threw at me. I left her many times with the kids because of her bat shit crazy ways.

She thought me how to be tough, what tough love it, what it's like to be able to walk away from women / people who are fuck wits and or crazy. My balls dropped while married to this woman.

All my fucks went out the window when I found her cheating yet again, I was a fucking smuck to this woman.

I suddenly had the mentality of not giving a fuck, I became a better father, I did not need women in my life which brought lots of women into my life again, I was / am my own man and did what I wanted to do and people took notice.

My career blossomed, been promoted several times again due to speaking my mind and not caring what people think, it has been hugely successful.

The red pill found me before I found the red pill and I will be forever great full for finding it and for being married to a crazy bitch for nearly 14 years, very thankful, a lot of lessons learned which again I'll treasure. I'm a better man for all I've been thought and I could write a book on the bullshit when dealing with a woman who has BPD.

I'll let you know how the date goes my friend.

Be good.

[–]pfffft_comeon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

being with and breaking away from a bpd chick is like being forged in fire. every trait/lesson we talk about here, you've seen in action all in one person taken to the extreme. important lessons learned. 14 years man. damn.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It nearly killed me at times it really did, thought I was loosing my mind. I worked hard to breakaway and provide a sanctuary for my children and myself.

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

[–]get_unoffended 25 points26 points  (22 children)

Having read your post, I agree completely. Do you have any tips on how to induce this type of state? Like many, I find it much easier to have success with women after I've had a drink or two. And that's completely irrespective of whether she's drinking, which would obviously make things easier. Getting rid that surface inhibition turns me into a smoother talker. But I've yet to find anything else that induces the same effect.

[–]2kez88 42 points43 points  (5 children)

Stop holding yourself to a standard of what you think is 'good enough' or 'funny enough' to say, and instead say the first thing that comes into your head and own it. When you stop questioning whether something is the best or right or funniest thing to say you'll find you're inhibited a lot less, and in general, a lot more funny

[–]Bulk_king11 15 points16 points  (3 children)

This. I also find that meditation really helps with all this type of stuff.

[–]trpthroway123 11 points12 points  (9 children)

Mindset (Outcome independence, specifically) helps me massively.

I'm not picking them up, I'm not running game, I'm having a fun conversation to entertain myself. Once those other elements are removed, it's far less intimidating, you're just shooting the shit and having fun.

IDGAF if I get their number, IDGAF if they want me, IDGAF if they walk off, IDGAF if I offend them or piss them off, anything positive is just a bonus to my entertainment, and I'll entertain myself no matter what they do. If I strike out, can always call a plate...

Just go with the flow, say what you feel like saying, and if they like it, go from there. If not, find someone that does.

Some of the meanest, darkest, most fucked up things I've said, is the stuff that got me laid.

[–]HobKing 1 point2 points  (1 child)

IDGAF if I get their number, IDGAF if they want me, IDGAF if they walk off, IDGAF if I offend them or piss them off, anything positive is just a bonus to my entertainment, and I'll entertain myself no matter what they do.

Right, but say you then do get a chance to close, when do you make the switch from not giving a fuck to actually being amped about getting what you wanted? I feel like a lot of cognitive dissonance would arise for me.

[–]LukesLikeIt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You don't understand idgaf

[–]beastboi27 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Curious..what are some of the meanest, darkest,.most fuxked up things you have said?

[–]trpthroway123 4 points5 points  (5 children)

A girl showed me a picture of her kid (single mom=pass, so I especially DGAF), I said "aww, it must be hard raising a special needs child". This was years ago, she still hits me up.

Took home a model one night. Approached, got her name, and just said "whens the last time you did a line off a guy's cock?" Turns out, never, but she was down, and we both thought the bar we were at was lame. I did some lines off her tits, she did some off my dick, it was a good night. Protip, don't use a razor blade or business card on your dick, fold a playing card or dollar bill and pour it on.

Had a chubby (very) drunk girl grab my shoulder and sneak a kiss at a college party. Buddy said "hey, who is your new girlfriend?" and I said "you know I don't date fat chicks" while she still had her arms over my shoulders. She said I was mean, I said I was truthful, she said she was too, so I asked "how much of my cock can you fit in your mouth?" and she said "Lets find out". Never got her name.

At a house party, I was chatting up a chick, and she was looking around like she was bored. Figured it was going south, so I went for broke. "Ever do a London Bridge?" (This is when that Fergie song was still on the radio). She said no, what is it? "It's when you get bent over, I fuck you from behind while you blow another dude, and we hi-5 over your back. You're the bridge." Her eyes fucking lit up. Ended up going to a park and spitroasting this girl on a bandshell/stage.

Met a short ginger girl out on a St. Paddy's day pub crawl, dressed like a slutty leprechaun. Tight shirt, short skirt, long socks, no pocketbook. I looked her over (made it obvious) and asked "Where do you keep all your pot of gold? Just pop it in your snatch?" She rolled her eyes, reached in her shirt, pulled a credit card out of her bra, and waved it (while giving me the "you're an idiot" eyes). I grabbed it, read her name, and said something along the lines of "do I just have to catch you, or do I have to tie you up to get my three wishes?" she asked me if I wanted to find out, so I did.

Had three pretty trashy girls come over for some drinks and a bonfire. One was fighting with her babysitter, one got hammered drunk and was bawling her eyes out because it was the first time she was away from her newborn, and the third introduced herself as "Alexis Texas, like the pornstar", had dyed red hair, and was begging for a fuck. I told babysitter girl "just tell em to give the kid a benadryl or two and you'll be home later." Ignored crying girl (who ended up puking all over my fucking bathroom). Just kept asking pornstar girl dirty questions as if she was a pornstar "What's it like to take 5 black guys at once? How many gallons of cum have you swallowed? Do they pay for the abortions, or is that out of pocket?" I needed a beer, went inside to get one, she followed. Grabbed my cock from behind, spun me around, started kissing, pulled down my pants, and blew me right against the fridge.

[–]beastboi27 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Those are some really awesome stories bro. I could only talk like that to girls I'm not attracted to like my sister's friends and they do really like how i tease and make fun of them lol. Pretty jelly that i don't have any good ones like yours haha. Thanks for the cocaine boner tip, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

[–]trpthroway123 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Don't do this to your sister's friends, that probably won't end well.

These were all randoms, and for the most part, haven't seen them again.

Abundance mentality helps massively with not caring about a girl you're attracted to. That, and remembering that not caring gives you a better chance at success...

I shouldn't have to say this, but in all cases, no attempt was made to hide what I was saying. I have a deep voice, it carries, other people heard.

Most recent one: Girl asked me "what are you into" (implying hobbies). I said "well, recently, I'm really into throwing a girl on my bed so her head hangs off and then gagging her with my cock". She wasn't down for that, but it made me laugh. Can't win them all.

P.S. with the cocaine on a boner, always say "aren't you going to lick the rest off?".

[–]beastboi27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah i know..I'm not THAT bad with them, i just joke around and say some naughty jokes here and there and they don't mind.

I know. It's just hard for me to get the balls to say something to a girl i don't know. Like at my gym, i see some girls that i would like to talk to but don't want to bother them. My friend goes up to girls all the time though and has no issues and always busts my balls cause i don't approach. My social anxiety is really bad, trying to get it in control.

Lol yeahh don't think i will ever have the balls to say that to a girl i just met.

Okay cool.

[–]ItalianoVero 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What do you look like? Seriously.

[–]trpthroway123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

6' white male with a beard and pretty blue eyes. Athletic body (was a lean 165, added on about 20lbs of muscle). Evidence says I'm somewhere around a 7-8/10.

[–]chances_are_ur_a_fag 17 points18 points  (0 children)

don't think of women as women. think of them as dudes. talk to them like they're dudes. you don't have a problem talking to a guy do you? same with women. just because she has a pussy and a pair of tits shouldn't make her less approachable. think of girls that are your friends that you have no interest in whatsoever.. or your sister's friends, or that ugly fat chick that you don't give a shit about. you talk to them without any inhibitions. same should apply to all women. once you get accustomed to that you'll do great. trust me.

[–]scamper_22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Let me give you my background. Stutter growing up... Hello anxiety Conservative muslim growing up... Not much girl knowledge Came from a low_pride family... Pride was seen as a bad thing

I spent a huge portion of my life thinking of the 'right' way to be. Imagine even simply ordering at a restaurant being a planned act for fear of stuttering.

Its late in my life, but ive progressed more in 3 years than the previous 30.

The most important is to not fear failure. You have to fail to learn. And i have failed more. I got drunk with work people. Bad idea. But i learned from it. Heck 5 months after, im promoted. Not coming from a drinking family or having high social class family, this was all new to me. I could either stay quiet or risk new experiences. I chose to risk it. It was a hard lesson but life went on.

While alcohol and drugs were a part of my early journey to 'loosen up' its not something i need. Maybe the fake it till you make it comes into play.

I have a lot of indians in my friend circle. Yes many are married. Now that weve lost all credibility :p heres the story. We were out at the bar and one of my friends said something profound.

'you know what. My wife sucks. Whenever she speaks she sucks'

Some background we used to say a friend sucks if they said pointless or stupid things or no substance.

I looked at him... And realized... Mine too. They sucked. Its mainly just power speak or attention/reputation getting.

Once you realize this you learn the last thing on your mind when talking to her is what you should say. Treatvem like a guy or a young kid. Even your basic thoughts are interesting.

[–]machimus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any tips on how to induce this type of state?

Outcome independence. Stop caring so much what happens with each particular girl.

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meditation helps. You become more 'present'.

[–]Eyeswears 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Intermediate fasting, low information dieting, and computer screen fasting are some of my 80/20s.

[–]D0ngl3 7 points8 points  (1 child)

"I analyze every second I exist, beating on my mind every second with my fist" -William F. Durst, Take a Look Around

[–]EvrythingISayIsRight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

aka Fred Durst, Limp Bizkit


[–]1favours_of_the_moon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's like when you learn to walk. Your first steps will be awkward, and you will fall. But in the end, you'll be running.

[–]rayyaal 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That fear you get for a day before you do something new or hard or competitive can be turned into "progress fuel". If you're afraid of doing it, do it, and see how good you feel right after. I don't live more in the moment than right after doing something I never thought I could/would end up doing. Courage is underrated.

[–]BuddhistSC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do this and feel ok at best after accomplishing the task. Usually I just feel like shit.

I think there's something wrong with me. Social interaction is supposed to get easier the more I do it, but everytime, even when it goes well, I just feel like I regret even bothering.

[–]JohnnySkidmarx 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My Uncle used to get a lot of pussy. Good looking, 20-something year olds. This was when he was in his 40's - 50's. He was short and not very good looking. But he was funny and calm around women. I once asked one of his hookups why she was attracted to my Uncle? Her response was "he makes me feel comfortable around him". It's that simple.

[–]Moneyley 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reflecting back, I used to have this problem a lot, but I noticed that it happened after fapping. Without it, I just make decisions and didnt think twice. It was just part of what I do. With it, I found myself hamstering what street to take home, thinking of all sorts of negative scenarios from such simple things as getting a soda from the gas station. My mind seemed to run crazy after the artificially induced shot of dopamine.

I know no fap seems like pseudo-science but I remember second guessing myself a lot. As OP said, second guessing yourself is not a good leadership quality. I think its also a practice of discipline that carries over to relationship with women. It shows, you are good without it and that's what women like. They are attracted to men who seem good without them.

[–]aazav 2 points3 points  (0 children)


This is what all our problems usually boil down to.

Bingo. Just fucking do. Stop thinking. Fucking do.

[–]RedPillFreedom 6 points7 points  (5 children)

This should be an auto reply to all the questions on ask trp pertaining what do I do in this situation.

After seriously working on myself instead of just trying to read everything here and memorize it. I noticed that it's a lot easier to just approach and do whatever I want. The difficulty I'm facing currently is showing my full RP side with the people that I used to act BP. I'm not sure how to properly apply 48 Laws of Power. Whether or not showing that I have the ability to do certain things will it trigger jealousy and cause them to gang up on me.

[–]1ToSeeAndToHear 3 points4 points  (1 child)

My suggestion; go to a new city, or find a new friend group. Spend some time (months at least) apart from people who know BP you. When you come back RP they may see it as a change that happened while you were gone... and that's just who you are now.

[–]RedPillFreedom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the exact strategy I've applied recently. It has helped a lot. It allows me the freedom to break the mold. It's like rewiring your brain and allowing neuroplasticity work it's magic.

[–]Talkytalktalk 0 points1 point  (2 children)

48 laws is a book of evil. It's a good read, but you will be an immoral stain if you implement that carp in your life.

[–]albertofranfruple 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm currently on an internship to become a teacher. I have found myself overthinking every little thing and it's making me stupid in what actually happens. When I get into the classroom and in front of the kids I don't know what I'm saying I just trust that I can get from one point to the next in ten minutes and I can adjust if I'm not working on point. The thing is people that you talk to aren't thinking about or care what you thought. They're just trying to have fun too. Be authentic and enjoy yourself and they will respond positively, try act from fear or uncertainty and you will lose every time

[–]2comment 2 points3 points  (0 children)

TRP is about results.

That's the thing. I feel mentally divorced from places like PurplePillDebate these days: endless dialogue and back and forth day in and day out. It has its place but you can all argue till you're blue (or red) in the face, finally come to some meaningless consensus or understanding after a few eons, and on its first meet with reality, have it fall on its face anyway.

Reality will always be your teacher. It can be brutal and harsh and depressing, but it will teach you much faster than all the confabs in the world if you're willing to listen.

Whatever you wanna do, sure you can check out the several major ways to get there, but then get on with it and be willing to fail and honestly analyze why without hamstering.

[–]Theophagist 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Seems like you're overthinking this.

[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Nope this is a very real problem that needs to be address for some with more than saying. Stop overthinking.

[–]Theophagist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I should have been clearer. I was joking.

[–]Specter242 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same problem I have and need to get rid off. Awesome post OP

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mindfulness and meditation helped me so much with this. Used to ruminate and beat myself up all the time, now if I do something I would normally be all mopey about, I just shut myself the fuck up and live.

[–]DenyHerYourEssence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, great post. I agree with most of it, but I'm not sure overthinking is always due to beta mentality. As we know, guys are much more analytical than women (who are largely emotion driven), so we naturally take more time to think things through.

Having said that, you are dead on that we can spend way too much time worrying about what women think of us or how our actions will be received. You know you are in the advanced TRP stage when you are unfazed by a woman's anger or disapproval.

[–]TheyCallMeAdonis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i had a meditation session in the beginning (after 1-2 months of meditating) where my fkn thoughts all crashed down on me. i was sitting there for like 40-45 min and then it happend. basically my brain canibalazied itself (boredom+anger+frustrating reached their peak). since that day my stream of thoughts is at maybe 20-30% of what it used to be. life is good.

[–]123_Meatsauce 2 points3 points  (6 children)

So true. Sometimes I test myself and approach with absolutely no idea what I am going to do. You'd be surprised on the results. You can also have a few drinks to calm nerves. Often a beer or two (don't overdo) will do wonders to turn your brain off a bit.

[–]Bulk_king11 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Alcohol works great. But alcohol won't always be there and is slowly killing you. You can use alcohol to your advantage sure, but in the end it works because it quiets the mind. Same with drugs. But that's a crutch, again it's the fear of failure that makes us use things like alcohol to get that "advantage"

People like Tyler from rsd don't drink and crush it. But they worked for that. They failed and got comfortable with uncomfortable situations. Now if he drank it would probably do him more damage than good. Any of us can get to that point. You just have to be willing to do what it takes.

[–]Moneyley 2 points3 points  (0 children)

in one clip I saw, they clearly use it to gain an advantage. He said he orders a sprite or some non alcoholic beverage in a tall glass or a whiskey glass. Girls get drunk, he's witty and sharp because he's not drunk. BAM! Takes them home

[–]LazyMagus 0 points1 point  (1 child)

RSD Tyler has spoken about meditation being highly important for him. Do you do it?

[–]drallcom3 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I landed with the super hot girl that everyone was flirting with at a recent party. Practically just by grabbing her by her hand and dragging her around with me. I wasn't even drunk at that point.

[–]123_Meatsauce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah sometimes you just have to take control. Chicks love it.

[–]pridebrah 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Man this post is gold. I really struggle with this in regards to career decisions, not really women. I constantly fear making a career switch and having it go badly and ending up broke. This paralysis by analysis is truly my achilles heel.

[–]F_Dingo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm totally guilty of overthinking more than I should. This past week I finally stopped overthinking and just approached a girl at my work, nothing happened (I expect nothing will except me getting more confident). If I had overthought this I would've never approached.

Overthinking? Just remember the Nike motto: Just do it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So true and this goes for many things in life. I remember back in high school, I went thru this phase where I'd over think every shot in golf. I kept trying to telegraph every shot, every arm movement, weight stance etc. And guess what? I never played worse in my life. After a while, I got pissed, said fuck it and went up to the ball and just hit it. From then on, it's been night and day in terms of results. Do the same thing I did- just go up to her and say fuck it. Don't plan or think about anything

[–]Bulk_king11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This remind me of my baseball experience. I played my whole life and my senior year I took a physics class and realized its literally a split second of perfect timing to throw a ball where you want it. Too early and you throw it in the air. Too late you throw it in the dirt. For some reason this thinking fucked with me so bad. That I couldn't throw for the rest of the year. Even until this day I fuck up every now and then. Something I've done my whole life. Ruined by over thinking

[–]TIven_tux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It can be beneficial if you only do that after your actions.

If you overthink before something, you will only keep finding excuses why not to do it.

[–]alexander_the_groovy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for this, i really needed it. ive been constantly in my head lately, regretting every decision and negative self talk. it helps knowing others suffer these problems.

[–]Expectations1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well the real problem lies in balance, to improve yourself you have to recognise that parts of yourself are not up to par e.g talking to women. But that same recognition can rob you of confidence if you dwell on it too much. You can't also underthink, otherwise you will become conceited and not improve. So many people ive realised basically peaked in high school, now I was basically a relative loser back then (happy but still a loser), now im killing it.

Balance thought and action.

Sun tzu, if you wait long enough by the river the dead bodies of your enemies will float by.

[–]Fnaut3187 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Good read. You have an upvote!

[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why you got downvoted. Thank you

[–]play_time_is_over 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I only read the title ( kind of the point right?) And I agree.

I just do stuff now, I just ask girls out, I just talk and touch them how I want to, I invite them over when I feel like it.

No more "did I do this right, am I being too needy? Have I waited long enough to reply yet??" I Just do what I want and it is so much more fun and enjoyable.

[–]CantBanTheMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha im with you. "Don't overthink? I'll start by not reading this long ass post"

[–]Psycholephant 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Man, I've tried this approach and sometimes it ends bad. Which results in cringe worthy moments reappearing in my mind several years later. Sometimes when I'm alone, these moments pop in my head and I just yell "KILL ME". I know this isn't a healthy mindset and I'm working on coming to terms with it, slowly but surely. But I won't give up.

[–]Bulk_king11 7 points8 points  (1 child)

If you're cringing at the thought of your actions were they really what you wanted to be doing? Sounds to me like you were operating from a place of neediness or outcome dependency mindset. Doing something to get a certain result and when it didn't happen you cringed at the thought of your actions. If you got the result you were looking for would you still be saying kill me?

I don't think so. You'd be doing exactly what you wanted to be doing and there wouldn't be any care about the outcome. You sound like you're trying to please people or care too much about what they think.

[–]Psycholephant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You've described me pretty well. Though I need to do some more searching to find out the answers to your first question.

[–]thisornothing 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Something I learned in therapy - when people say "KILL ME" or "I WANT TO DIE" or any variant of this, it's not actually about suicidal instincts. What you're stating, is that the current 'version' of yourself, or your life, is unacceptable and you want that existence to end. Which doesn't mean that you want to die, just that you want things to change.

Just something I found useful.

[–]Psycholephant 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Very true. Not suicidal in the least, just don't like how I am.

[–]thisornothing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then change. You're already saying out loud that you want to "kill" your old self - the next step is to actually change or languish in "death".

There's a reason death/rebirth motifs keep popping up in religion and mythology. It's this big fat metaphor for how men need to be continually in a process of breaking down our old selves, and building up 'stronger' a version.

[–]1dongpal -1 points0 points  (1 child)

lol i think you interpret his "kill me" way too serious. when you think about embarrassing moments you always have that "oh my god " moment / "kill me"

[–]thisornothing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I know that, but the subconscious motivation for saying it is the same regardless of how "seriously" you're saying it.

Even when you're jokingly saying it because of something cringe-worthy, you're still stating to yourself that you'd rather not be the kind of person who did the embarrassing moment you're remembering.

It's death and re-birth. I didn't think for a second that the poster was being serious, but it's helpful to actually understand what's going on in your head when you say shit like that. You're articulating that you want things to change, and that's pretty fucking powerful when you can acknowledge it fully.

[–]aanarchist 0 points1 point  (1 child)

lets go even further and say that stocism is for beta males. every alpha male ever does whatever the fuck he wants and says what he wants cuz he's the boss. meanwhile the beta has to keep his shit to himself because he's not in a position where he can get away with it.

[–]andante-spinach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TL;DR: embrace cringing, it's what makes you better.

Rather than being a defect, overthinking, I think is a SYMPTOM of being inexperienced.

You can't just tell yourself to stop overthinking; it'll just naturally go away after you go out of your comfort zone enough times.

There's nothing wrong with thinking through and analyzing the things you've done; that's what makes you better.

I've personally found that a lot of overthinking has made me way keener, and more comfortable dealing with whatever comes. After you've worried and fretted over a situation, you'll be more prepared and do better the next time something similar happens.

Just gotta get out there and get more field experience.

[–]1StoicCrane -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Be like the Alpha Guru and just go with it.

[–]augizzz999 -4 points-3 points  (3 children)

Go out there say what you want. Do what you want. Feel what your body is telling you, act on it and learn from it after.

You want to get thrown in jail? Because that's how you get thrown in jail.

[–]Bulk_king11 3 points4 points  (2 children)

There's always one lol. As long as it's legal.

[–]___Jamie___ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

it's legal unless you get caught

[–]augizzz999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Redpill me on body disposal.

[–]onepill_twopill -1 points0 points  (4 children)

Stop overthinking and just do what your gut is telling you. When you walk up to a woman. You shouldn't even be thinking what to say. You should know you have all the "right" words already in you. You should feel what makes you happy, and have fun and go with it.

Here's the issue: gut feelings aren't always right. When I walk up to a woman, I want to immediately walk away, or talk about things that absolutely nobody else is interested in. That is what my gut tells me, and this would give me no success. My gut has always driven me in the wrong direction, so it is better that I learn how to do the right approach using my head. We often need to reject our gut feelings to do succeed.

Go out there say what you want. Do what you want. Feel what your body is telling you, act on it (as long as it's legal) and learn from it after. If your thoughts aren't servings a direct purpose to a solution you need to listen to your body and quite your thoughts

Saying and doing what I want is nice and all, but generally it doesn't work on a day to day basis. I want to talk about politics. Do other people want to do that? Hell no, to most people that is as boring as all hell. I walk around day to day talking about whatever shit others want to talk about, because otherwise i'd be a loner. To socialize I need to pretend that getting wasted and getting girls is all I want from life. I don't do what I want because the only other option is failure in life in general.

[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Okay here's the problem. Your first part, not sure if you read the whole post but I say you need to figure out what your emotions mean and how you can use them to your advantage. It seems like you've done that. That feeling you get that says "walk away" is really excitement because deep down you want to approach. So learn that this feeling is normal and going to rise. Then you approach and take action anyway. You Cn reject your true gut feeling and get results but in the end you're people pleasing.

You second part. Again overthinking. Do people want to talk politics? You said fuck no. Maybe they do? Maybe your better attracting chicks who find that stuff interesting because you do. If you talk about politics with passion you'll bring her into your world. I'm not saying sit there and bore her. There's other aspects to game that don't need to be over thought but are basic principles. Everything you said is just another form of overthinking. Every girl is different stop trying to please the general consensus of women

[–]onepill_twopill 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Fair enough with the second part, however with the first, I disagree. I genuinely dread talking to most women. I've had approach anxiety and overcome that before, however when I say I want to walk away, I mean that from a different perspective: out of the hundred or so girls I've approached, not one of them has ever interested me in the slightest. I am not interested in casual sex, only finding somebody to potentially marry in the far future, so most of these girls that I meet have no value to me whatsoever, so after talking to so many people that I can only end up disliking after some time, it becomes harder to keep approaching and keep going from an emotional level.

[–]Bulk_king11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well there you go man! You answered your own question. Then that's what your gut is telling you. You don't need to approach every girl if you don't want casual sex.

[–]SetConsumes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly dude, even the women that are interested in more intellectual conversation are boring compared to an average man, not to even bother comparing to another smart intellectual man.

Their interesting part in intellectual conversation is more about trying to unravel the seemingly random things they may think about which can be fun, but it's a very different sort of discussion compared to what men do.

Why don't women want to talk about politics? The same reason they don't talk philosophy or law or anything else that's mostly a logic based field. They don't have real constructs of most of the concepts, just vague perceptions of concepts based on memorizing, but they can't really discuss it because they can't put different ideas together well and look at them in different and interesting ways, at least not for things like politics. Anytime they seem to is almost by accident.

The closest I've found are women that work in a political job, like for a campaign or something related. But even then, they can only mainly tell you their opinion about what they think/feel atm and not truly discuss their preferred politics compared to another and truly analyze the affects when applying specific parts of a political ideology into today's society.

Also, just because a woman is more intelligent doesn't make her inherently better wife material, she will also be more manipulative and more cunning, you yourself need to be able to handle her even more than an average intelligence woman. I wouldn't go for a stupid woman, and a smarter one is nice in ways, but their upbringing is still most important by far.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can't we just ask GLO to produce a spreadsheet with all the right things to say? I'd feel much more comfortable doing it that way.