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Red Pill TheoryWhat oneitis really is, and why you'll never get over it. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by stickypencils

I've been lurking the redpill for a couple of months. I started reading after an upswing in my life. There's a girl that our family is friends with that I would dream about having but never could (I'm gonna try rushing through this because it's just a minor part of the post). We figured out that we would be living in the same city this summer just about the time I was waking up on my own (hadn't discovered redpill). I started dieting, lost 40 pounds and started generally controlling my own happiness.

We met up in the city around the time we got in and had an amazing day. She was actually attracted to me now. We went on a date after that and made out a little. I thought everything was perfect. She texted me the next day to tell me that a chad was coming in from her school and that although she really liked my beta ass, she didn't want to continue. I was crushed and in retrospect, I failed every single shit test she threw at me.

I cut her off and time goes on. I started reading the redpill and kept telling myself that "you just wanted her for sex" to try and ease my pain. Nothing was working. Eventually, I slowly forgot about her and continued trying to better myself.

Well last week our families met up. we were all at a concert and while she was up on the rail I stayed in the back with my family, the two of us just stayed away from each other. I acted like I was fine and just got through the night. I never even really saw her. But even being in the same vicinity as her did something to me. Over the next week I couldn't sleep, my job performance went down, and I started consuming more than 3500 calories a day. I was back to my same old self that I had taken half a year to get away from.

Yesterday I had an epiphany. The reason that I was so upset that I didn't end up with her is because I made her my life goal. I thought about how great things would be together and what people would think when they saw us together. I didn't rely on myself to become the best I could. She represents my failures now and being around her Is gonna bring them to light. It's easy to say "I'm a different person, I should be fine being around her" but It's not easy to do so.

There is one thing I can do though. I can actually become better instead of pretending to be better. I will internalize my own failures and beat them back. I will stop projecting my successes onto other people and I will forget about her because I am better than her. When I eventually see her again, I won't lose my frame.


[–]nicetimeisback 430 points430 points [recovered]

Think like yourself as a computer, your ego is like the os of your computer, it have various firewalls and antivirus installed.

Oneitis is when you have given a particular person (the girl) the privilege to access your system bypassing every firewall and antivirus, she can log in the core of the system (nobody but you should be able to do it), like an Hacker.

It's a tremendous security breach that can potentially destabilize your whole being at anytime.

The usual Rp advice regarding oneitis is to hardnext (completely remove the girl from your life, never see her again). While this is a good advice, it doesn't fix the problem (the girl still have access to the core of your system, if you meet her one day or hear about her etc, you would be easily destabilized).

What you have to do is revoke her "account", or at least change his permissions, and put her behind the security controls (firewall, antivirus etc.) like everybody else.

Oneitis IS a mental virus, it is the dreaming of a recurring fantasy, and it is based on lies, 99% of the time oneitis girls are the sluttiest sluts, yet in the oneitized boy they looks like princesses (in his oneitis fantasies).

I know, some fantasies are so beautiful that it is really a pity to open the eyes and realize how ugly is the reality in comparison..

Oneitis is just a wonderful dream, wonderful, addicting, but you got to wake up from it, i know it's painful.

[–][deleted] 33 points33 points

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[–]hb8only 10 points10 points [recovered]

still better to had her for a month that dont have her at all!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It's also better to not have her at all than to be her beta orbiter.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

by "having" her I meant FUCKING HER.. not beta orbiting her, boy...

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you look at a dolphin, the physiology of dolphin-face makes it look like the dolphin is always happily smiling. Even when the dolphin is pissed and about to tear somebody an epic gash in the side.

The physiology of girl faces similarly makes them look like they're innocent and cute.

[–]PranksterLad 1 point2 points  (10 children)

please, help me get over my ex i cant do this anymore.

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang 3 points4 points  (7 children)

I invite you to state your case in all its excruciating detail in an askTRP post, and drop me a pm with the link. We talk about it there.

[–]PranksterLad 0 points1 point  (4 children)

It says its removed, but this is it:

I find myself at the end of a two-and-a-half-year relationship feeling broken and on the bumpy road to recovery. During my relationship, when and if I told my friends stories about what she did to me that day or what occurred on a weekly basis; they would say to me “she is fucking ‘crazy’ man get out”, or “what a ‘psycho’”. Isn’t it ironic how at the end of it all I am the one left by her ‘coup de grace’ feeling both crazy and psycho as all friends take her side. As we met in Canada, her being a younger age than I, she moved to Europe to pursue her master’s degree whilst I followed her there (first mistake I made). We discussed this and were both excited about being together and both serious about one another planning a future after her program. The honey moon stage had been going quite well and to be honest this girl blew me off my feet since day one being extremely charming, witty, sporty and smart coupled with beautiful looks and physique. As days went by, it was as if sand was shifting from point A to point B as I couldn’t begin to recognize myself. Shifting me from being a proud individual with a good reputation, who was sport, funny, upbeat who had plenty of options including her friends finding myself left with no one, alone in the midst of a severe depression. Little signs unfolded which I will list here without telling stories behind them during our relationship; every time I would talk to my friends she would make fun of them or down grade them in some shape or form, additionally she would smack talk her friends in a similar fashion for some reason, she would make fun of me in almost any way possible and never complimented me once calling me a child who seeks attention, the clothes I wore were too ‘douchebaggy’, when I would get a haircut she would make fun of me and not want to talk to me because of it, in front of friends she would act very loving and affectionate but behind closed doors she sometimes wouldn’t even talk to me and call me names, the same goes to social media uploading pictures of us being lovey dovey although a day before we were in a huge fight, she had an awful relationship with her brother, sister, but most of all her mother who she despised being compared to (slapped me once I said she was like her), with her dad being a sort of slave to the family who would cook, clean, pick up and drop off all family relatives during the day working from home. Six months into the relationship the first slap came across the face after a disagreement, followed by a dozen more throughout the relationship for various reasons such as me grabbing her ass or me not doing something right. Eight months in, I found out and halted her talking to her ex as friends whilst she was adamant about who I would have or not have on social media deleting people in her time off my account, she would never ask about my day (not once) since the beginning of meeting her, she greatly appreciated gifts and expected things, was not supportive at all, did not want me to go out (until she didn’t care anymore about me and didn’t even comment on whether I did go out or not), stated she would ‘never apologize and not change who she is’ and ‘I know what type of person she is’, she seemed to care more about my status than me as a person. In hindsight, our relationship was at its best when she didn’t have many if any friends in her University and she was relatively “lonely and isolated because of me” and the time we spent together. Near the end of our relationship, she would tell me how she wanted to befriend this girl in her class who she is so similar to but this person acts weird towards her and she just didn’t understand it. During a period where she stopped talking to me for two weeks over me saying her attitude is disgusting and her parents should be ashamed of it, her and this girl became best friends and it was as if she was dating her (as funny as that sounds) and our relationship went even further downhill. She would then use sex as a bargaining tool and stopped wanting to have sex all together towards the end of the relationship. Leaving me isolated from my friends and even family, the relationships demise came with me asking her if there was another guy which she then decided was the final straw additionally with her calling me psycho and making fun of me with her friends in the aftermath. Of course, to add to the bluepillness, there was the begging and pleading to take me back which begun after the break up as I find myself alone in this city where I don’t know anyone with just me and my thoughts. Six months later, I find myself taking ultimate measures to recover, this includes therapy sessions, a new hobby, anti-depressants, a decrease in social media, cleaning up my surroundings and cutting out certain friends, working on my appearance and spending time alone, completely alone. Blocking her on all social media has helped to a degree, but to this day, sometimes I run into her and see her from a distance and I feel as if (as sad as this is) a hole is being ripped out of me, physically leaving me unable to focus or breath calmly. I avoid certain roads, streets and places in fear of seeing her when in fact she is the one who wants nothing to do with me. All the posts above I read have signaled that this was coming. Obviously, my contact with her has been absolutely halted a month after the break up with her being blocked and no way of reaching me, but I still find myself in this depression, wondering if it was me who caused her to act this way or I got a bad apple and she will always be this way to guys. I felt like I got a catch at the beginning and I see other guys even when dating her stare at her and try and befriend her. She has this non caring free and wild aura around her and excels in the things she does to the point where it is almost intimidating. I should have seen the red flags, handled them, yet she states she stayed with me during my beta-ness saying ‘I tried to save this relationship, I stuck with you during your worst times when you needed to fix yourself, you retard’, and after “Don’t contact me, I have nothing to say to you, ever”. The worst feeling in the world I realize is now believing the things your ex once said who you once use to believe was psycho whilst you were with her, has now successfully convinced you that you’re the psycho one and to a point I wonder if she actually might be right. I’ve never done and would never do anything drastic, but she has successfully ripped me apart to the point where even my family are worried. I am trying any form to better myself, to make sure this will never happen again. I won't let it. The worst part is I feel like this human being I gave so much to and treated me like shit, is in some sort of way a 'queen' in my mind who doesn't deserve to be up there and I cannot alter this thought.

[–]causeandcorrelation 0 points1 point  (3 children)

There is never one dysfunctional person in a relationship. Always two. Of you are then she is. But more likely; if she is as bad as it sounds. Then it sounds like your dysfunction is not having adequate self worth. I'm sorry that her claws have been sunk so deeply into you. I can't offer greater advice other than it's okay to see a shrink for your mental health. You'd be surprised the good talking it through can do. They're like prostitutes. Paid to not use your vulnerability against you.

[–]PranksterLad 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I understand that, you raise a great point, but dude, surely the shit she pulled on me and did is just ridiculous? Everything I wrote is true, and is absolutely written in a way where I try to be non bias but just explain what she does. However, I look back, and I wonder if this is my fault, if these things are my fault, I fucked up, was so needy, was so lost, and now im alone just wondering where the fuck I want to go with my life and what I want to do.

[–]causeandcorrelation 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Her being a shirty person is not your fault. At all. Parasites are hard to get rid of. You seem to be genuinely interested in feedback and I trust your observation of the situation. What I meant by 'your dysfunction' was what can be seen to be lacking when one compares your behaviour in the relationship with say somebody who wouldn't allow a parasite to attach to themselves. In time you will choose girlfriends better.

I've found that in my moments of loneliness; that I have spent too much time loving others and not enough time loving myself. It's incredibly cliche. But hit the gym. Work. Do some jiu jujitsu maybe. But get engaged in the world. It will suck for a time. You may doubt if you will ever be happy again. Normal feelings. You will. But first you need to give yourself a reason to be happy. Maybe more than one. Hit that gym. Get your macros in check. Do some community service?

[–]PranksterLad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why does everyone say hit the gym, what is so important about hitting the gym?

Finally, how do you know she was the shitty person, i mean i know I typed it all out, but what about me being so needy, so bitch beta like.

I dont know why I miss her and wonder STILL what she is up to.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You're probably looking through this thread or this sub for the magic answer that'll help you get over her... But it ain't coming. There's nothing you can do to make it happen. One day you'll just be over it. The only thing for certain is that it takes time. Whether you fill that time with an addiction, a career, other women, something constructive or something destructive, that's up to you. But it will just take time.

Invest heavily into yourself. Get enough sleep at night. Read about things that interest you. Try new things, go new places. Take care of yourself.

[–]kealh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit, this is so true. I had a STR with this blonde who I thought to be so innocent. I started projecting my LTR on her, thinking how I look with her in the crowd. Then one day she said all this bullshit about feeling smothered. What the fuck?

How cold is a woman heart? Like all kittens they'll grow claw and bite at the hands that feed them.

[–]WarmApfelPi 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Problem is having biology trying to pull women from user space into kernel space. Have to ice them out with some endpoint protection and keep their rights to guest or public.

[–]daydrive 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Oneitis IS a mental virus, it is the dreaming of a recurring fantasy, and it is based on lies, 99% of the time oneitis girls are the sluttiest sluts, yet in the oneitized boy they looks like princesses (in his oneitis fantasies).

This. Went mountain hiking with my coworker and some girl. she seemed so nice and idiot me fell in love with her. Fake smile and kiss on cheek after our tour was all that was needed to give me oneitis. After a week i found out that this girl would fuck anyone for a line of coke.

[–]solmiler 64 points65 points  (5 children)

You must be swimming in pussy

[–]nicetimeisback 74 points74 points [recovered]

no right now i'm living in a remote village where there's no pussy at all, kind of monk mode. but that's ok

[–]J_AsapGem 15 points16 points  (1 child)

malaysia? sounds cool bro i would like to do something like that for a couple months

[–]Wel108 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Swimming in pussy doesn't cure Oneitis, contrary to what RP says, believe me. This guy is on point.

[–]TheChadicus 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Such a fantastic analogy.

I love Bo Burnham's poem about his implied stance on his past One-Otis: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pMI0KUfD4cE

"But other sluts are pretty and funny and smart,

These sluts can lift all your thoughts from dick to your heart,

They can talk about Science, Music, or Art,

They can put you together, or pull you apart,

...

But don't trust these sluts, don't, don't you dare,

They'll force you to trust them and love them and care,

And then they'll be gone, and then you'll be aware

Of that whole in your heart that that dumb slut left there."

  • The greatest RedPill poem of all time.

[–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Force" you to trust them is correct. They use lies and exaggerations to weasel their way into you trusting them. Dig deep, and you'll find the hideous truth about their past and present. Don't let the flattery, snuggles, or even sex soften you up- as soon as you are exclusive you are losing. As soon as they believe you have "fallen in love", you are no longer Alpha to them. She is in charge now and power corrupts. If you're lucky, she'll just leave. If you're not, she'll use you. Hijack your social circles, use you for a place to live, rides, help with her car, schoolwork, her job, all while she cheats mercilessly, looking for the next strong branch to swing to, and to bleed dry.

This process continues until they hit The Wall. That could be 30, 35, or 40. But at some point normal, average SMV guys (5s and 6s) stop showing serious interest in them. Their incapacity to continue seducing, using, and discarding men is the only thing that stops them. Not some moral awakening.

[–]vorverk 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This gave me a big laugh. Geeky stuff that dries pussy, but I laughed. :)

[–]1StoicCrane 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Better to be dry in laughter than wet in regret. Carry on!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Plus girls really don't like Oneitis.

She'll literally tell you to live your life and move the fuck on.

[–]immyownworstenemy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I have gotten really interested in Network Security recently and I have to say I love this reply. It really reminds me of why I enjoy NetSec and Threat Management stuff right now (because there are many analogies to be found there when dealing with the rest of life).

i.e. Ransomware = Family Court Divorce (all your shit gets locked down and you lose half your assets lol)

[–]blackfin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's actually a pretty solid analogy for someone who understands basic computer security principles.

[–]RedPillHanSolo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Beautifully put, thanks, bro.

I was thinking about this today: you're your biggest enemy when it comes to oneitis. It is a common knowledge on TRP that men are bound to idolize this one woman of interest and surround mental image of her with traits that are either non-existent or hugely exaggerated. In a man's mind even her appearance becomes perfect, when if fact it may not be so.

[–]trancedj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been here many years. This is the best oneitis analogy I've ever read. Although I will admit I work in the tech sector so it really landed for me. Good job man, you should post more.

[–]GrandpaLeiho 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wonder how much is biological programming that just screams "yes, that one!"

[–]JackGetsIt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women are unattractive to computers they can hack because they don't trust themselves with full access in the first place. They don't want another slave computer they want an unhackable master system, that programs them towards success. If the new master computer doesn't lead them to babies, houses, financial stability they will dump that system as well.

[–]tb87670 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Think like yourself as a computer, your ego is like the os of your computer, it have various firewalls and antivirus installed. Oneitis is when you have given a particular person (the girl) the privilege to access your system bypassing every firewall and antivirus, she can log in the core of the system (nobody but you should be able to do it), like an Hacker. It's a tremendous security breach that can potentially destabilize your whole being at anytime.

I needed a good laugh today.This is about as accurate a portrayal of computer hacking as that 90's movie Hackers. Queue numbers scrolling across the screen while we visualize folders and files in as 3d blocks that happen to look like skyscrapers in a city....lol

Oneitis can be kept in check. It's hard to do until you have been exposed to the bad side of women. It took several women proving TRP true to me and a good amount of pain shedding bluepill brainwashing before I got into a good LTR that's balanced. Even then I realize I have to keep up on my game.

[–][deleted] 35 points35 points

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[–]Horus_Krishna_2 16 points17 points  (0 children)

like what if somehow a blue pill guy was given access to this sub as a mod. he'd start deleting good threads and such.

[–]Fatvod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its a metaphor dude, no reason to be all fucking literal about it. Also Hackers is a sick movie.

[–]satanikimplegarida 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This comment outshines the original post by orders of magnitude. Well done sir, today you have definitely helped some tormented souls out there. Well done.

[–]microwave44 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my god i visualise it the same way. That women eugenized hackable males into existence so they can use us for resources and shit.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–]chedder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think everyone has experienced this to one extent or another. What's helped me is realizing just how much of those feelings stemmed in fantasy and weren't rooted and reality. We create models of the living breathing world around us based on the limited sensory data we collect, we do the same with people.

The other thing is we're all in flux and aren't static, so when you remove someone from your life the model of them in your head has diverged even more from the real person. Think of how much you've changed for better/worse, you don't think the same has happened to her?

[–][deleted] -2 points-2 points

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[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok, I'll bite. Fucktard.

Define love.

[–]sd4c 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can love your child, but don't give them access to the gun cabinet.

[–]Relevantex 101 points101 points [recovered]

It's only been 6 months - of course you're not over it yet. The cure for oneitis is banging 10 girls hotter than her. Get to the 7th girl and come back to this thread and see how you feel then

[–]pcadrian 49 points49 points [recovered]

Amen. You quickly forget about a gal, no matter how sweet or how hot she was, after banging other women. Even if they're not better than her. The ability to generate options cures oneitis.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Literally. I feel like I haven't been laid in a few years but then I randomly remember a chick from a few months ago, or another one who ended up getting out of the uber together, etc. LOL Bitches they come they go. On a pretty bad dry spell right now, life generally shitty circumstances. Easy to forget how they come when they're flowing. 4 years ago I did anything for oneitis.

[–]Endorsed Contributorseattleron 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Bitches they come they go.

Bitch you make me hurl .

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. Happy fucking Friday, may you fuck.

And the world is filled with pimps and hos for a groovier follow on.

[–]sd4c 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I disagree about the "even if they're not better than her" part. We can all dredge for 2s and 3s to get off, but that's not gonna make you feel better anymore than whacking off will

[–]vorverk 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Depends. I fucked 20. Then I was in a short dry spell, a bit stressed, a bit anxious for my future and a bit tipsy from alcohol an then met her. Fuck I can't believe how much power she still holds over me. I did hold frame and said goodbye ASAP, but it's best to never meet your oneitis ever again if it was a hard one. Maybe after 10 years. You'd both be completely diferent people by then anyway.

[–]sd4c 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very interesting phenomenon. Maybe it's because their presence is a set of psychological cues that threaten to bring a guy back to whoever he was when he met her. We can truly change as people. But it's very hard to maintain a new persona around people who knew the "old you" - and would love to have him back!

Like an addict who shakes the habit, is sober and clean for years, and runs into an old junkie friend. Encouraging him to take the easy way "just one more time"

[–]Reddthrown 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Not sure - I always thought my oneitis was relatively plain, but she wormed her way in. Oddly enough, what helped was her changing her name when she got married.

[–]Strangeclouds420 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Mine was seeing her have a child.

[–]donkeyotee 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Or get fat. Nothing makes you feel better than seeing her turn into a hippo.

[–]giantsrocker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

man -- you made me chuckle so hard, my plate woke up lol

[–][deleted] 7 points7 points

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[–]Cunt_Robber 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She's someone else's problem now. A big problem with 3 offspring to provide for.

[–]Gay_For_Gary_Oldman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mine was seeing her get engaged.

[–]askmrcia 7 points8 points  (8 children)

What you said. I had it bad. Was just down right in love with this girl. After a few months I banged two girls, but it didn't help at all. Then when I got with this one very good looking girl, only then did I truly got over my oneitis.

[–]samenrofringslikeLBJ 28 points28 points [recovered]

Theres a risk of suppleanting your oneitis. As someone on here said "Love is the feeling you get when you feel like you cant do better". I see lots of guys that got strung out on a girl, but they are good peeps and good looking so a hotter girl finds them and it just restarts the cycle.

[–]stickypencils[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Holy shit, is there a thread for that quote?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Unfortunately I dont have a source, just saw it one time and the quote stuck with me because its incredibly powerfull and true.

Ive thought about it a lot, initially i just felt like woaah fuck me, nature and sexual strategy really sucks the life out of everything. Men are the romantic gender, so its OK to feel a bit of sadness. My thinking goes like this: Science says that "Love" mimics a psychosis from a neurological standpoint, i.e when you scan the brain it presents with the same activity as a clinical psychosis. So that would tell us Love is not rational.

So then, why would it be beneficial to experience a psychosis when you engage with a mating partner? To lock you down with her so you can spawn repeatedly with the highest quality female genetics available to you. Hence, Love is a feeling you get when you cant do any better.

[–]1StoicCrane 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If you can find the source it's be greatly appreciated. I experienced something along those lines when I was BP.

[–]GreatWhiteCuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's crazy how powerful looks are for many guys. It's all of the value to us

[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The cure for oneitis is banging 10 girls hotter than her.

Agreed. "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

[–]PlanB_pedofile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is what my buddy is doing. What was once somone he would avoid a section of town just to not run into her, now to a nice passerby. He's on chick #14 however there is a still tiny little bit in the back of his mind. It never leaves your system but can cover it up with lots of sex.

[–]covertpenguin3390 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something always overlooked, emotional wounds take time to heal. Yeah banging out some hot chicks right off the bat will help ease it, but you'll still get hit with after shocks until it is fully healed. Everyone has to pay the piper, girls included, which is why when you go no contact after a break up you almost always get hit back up by your ex to some degree.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 33 points34 points  (3 children)

Wrong, Oneitis is a simply psychological phenomenon that can manifest in many different ways. You putting to much value on one single woman.

Friends often ask me how/why I drop these girls/girlfriends so easily. Every time I give them the same answer. Develop your own self and don't look to external sources for your happiness.

It doesn't matter if the girl walks, she stays or I drop her. Because at the end of the day my life won't change at all. I can drop a girl after being together for years because to me, she was only 5% of my life. No hesitation, no looking back. For me she was and always will be- just a girl.

Allot of guys blow their chicks up beyond proportions, pedestal her, invest everything etc. This makes it considerably harder to disassociate. And for what? It's just an illusion. Hence you are suffering from Oneitis because you couldn't accept the rational possibility that your girl was just some girl.

You needed to daydream and fantasize about these magnified emotions. Making her bigger than life to satisfy your own ego. And now that she's gone your hopes and dreams are dashed. Your emotions made you a slave. That's how people control you.

Don't be emotional.

[–]Embarrassing_Throws 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. Don't define yourself through a woman.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I always cringe a little bit when I hear guys talking or even joking about how they're afraid of pissing off/disappointing their gf/wife/SO. I'm not experienced enough with relationships myself, but my first thought is that if it was a healthy relationship, wouldn't they both respect eachothers' autonomy without being too attached?

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are afraid because think they can do no better. Also they invested so much in their woman. They view her as "my girlfriend" or "my wive". They try taking ownership of the Ho whilst ego investing themselves in the relationship.

You can't blame them though. Some women shit test/comfort test so often that men get confused and start throwing more commitment in her face. Can't blame women because they are wired this way.

Both parties suck.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction. Remember you only love an image of her. What you are obsessed over literally is not real. She is an idol for all of your beta romantic fantasies, and that makes sense because a beta world (remember a fantasy) is easier and happier for those who were raised in that mindset. The real world is much harsher and less joyful in terms of relationships.

You're right it's always there to some extent. Remember your ego is wrapped up in this deal now, too. The only thing that cures it is fucking 10 other women. You'll start to notice patterns, how they really are 'like that,' and it'll become nearly impossible to pedestalize ever again.

[–]Reddthrown 10 points11 points  (3 children)

You're right, but the problem is that that beta fantasies is immensely pleasurable. It's like an addiction. I know it's not real, but it feels so good it's hard not to believe.

[–]glawkneintehn 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yeah I still just feel like goddammit plug me back in! plug me back in!

[–]GreatWhiteCuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That life was full of much despair for me. The truth set me free

[–]PaulAJK 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Aye, those sweet romantic fantasies of love forever and ever... I so wish the BP was true, 90% of the popluation would be so much happier. However, as it isn't, anyone who thinks it is is doomed to sadness and disappointment in the modern era.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Oneitis is an evil trick that your mind plays on you. The girl has nothing to do with it.

Its a false sense that your only chance of reproductive success is tied to this bitch so you panic when she isnt "yours"

Abundance mentality is the cure

[–]Rodion-Raskolnikov 57 points58 points  (9 children)

She's going to be riding the CC for the foreseeable future. Chads will come and go. When she hits 30 she will be an alpha widow and probably express an interest in you. By then you'll be ripped, single and making bank. Do not let her back into your life.

[–]PaulAJK 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oneitis is just New Relationship Energy whcich has been tripped while there is no relationship. NRE is a neuological process that humans have evolved to pair bond, it's s total chemical bitch, it's hormonal, and it lasts for 6 months at a minimum.

Even banging 10 better looking girls may not clear it, it's just a horrible sucky process that you have to get past.

[–]cobe788 11 points12 points  (2 children)

GFTOW and Abundance mentality may be the key to get over your Oneitis. But just maybe. It's been 6 months since my ex broke up with me, my life couldn't have went any better after that, got tons of girls, social circle is incredibly great and big, and I improved my relationships with the friends and family. But still yet she has the power over me. I haven't seen her since the break up, but whenever someone mentions her name or what she does or where she's been seen, i get upset and you can take that to the bank. So it's important to first acknowledge that you are still thinking about your oneitis, and then get over it. But time is a fucked up thing my friends. Goes slow for the things that don't matter, and goes so fast for the things we do enjoy.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (1 child)

got tons of girls

Were any of the girls noticeably better-looking than her? Serious question

[–]cobe788 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well honestly yeah, some of them were better looking for sure. Ex is a decent 7, and since the break up, i've had mid to high 8's at most.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I have a slightly different take on oneitis. It is a strange chemical reaction in the brain that most humans refer to as "love". Now love comes in various forms, love for our kids, parents our dog or (shudders) for a woman. Firstly I am an old bastard, and I can say that I have been in "love" with women twice. I have felt the yearning for it many times though. It is a natural, but dangerous mental disorder that everyone will experience.

Now the conventional wisdom in here is that a woman cannot love you the way that you want to be loved. I can tell you right now that a woman can love you the way you want to be loved, but that her love is very different from yours, and that all love has a use by date. Like the great comment at the top of this post says, you are giving someone total access to your being, you are basically giving them your "heart". Can a bitch be trusted with your heart? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

No woman will ever love you properly for an indefinite period of time. There is no "true love" that comes from a woman. Men are the true romantics, we love with all of ourselves, and we can do it forever. Same way as a man can devote his entire life to a single discipline or philosophy for life. The same as a man can die for a cause, or to protect others.

Women are not the same as us. Their love is transactional and conditional. One whiff of Chad and her love disappears as quickly as her inhibitions do when Chad grabs her. A woman's love is fickle and it is only based on her current set of needs. It is perfectly natural for a man to "love" a woman, but it is as dangerous as fighting a war. You may win a bunch of battles, you may even win the war, but you risk dying a horrible death, or getting your arms and legs blown off. Love (oneitis) is war, accept this going in, or just DON'T.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love (oneitis) is war, accept this going in, or just DON'T.

The problem is, when the oneitis hits you unexpectedly. For a girl you couldn't wait to get rid of, for example. Or who was just a plate

[–]1Jax77789 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Do not forget oxytocyn bonding. You get that during sex. It is a bitch to get rid of and that is chemistry not romantic fantasies. Unless you do not bond to women you will feel down. It is normal.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Something in there has clearly brought back your deep past. I have quite a lot of this that I cant quite shake off to be honest. Not just with women, for example the way that your parents can still get on your nerves no matter how mature and successful you are. My childhood friends as well never fail to drag me down.

[–]Guanabanalover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You reminded me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQA0ec39HNc.

I think it applies for almost everyone ive met in my life so far (including myself).

[–]casemodsalt 15 points16 points  (7 children)

Just bang ugly skanks. You'll never care. That's what I do.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 13 points14 points  (5 children)

+1. Older single moms ftw. 1st date lays. But only in good shape.

[–]hjgo 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Aren't those a little bit loose down there?

[–]Resource_account 5 points6 points  (2 children)

They still have two other holes. Or 3 if you use a little bit of creativity.

[–]direpellth 7 points8 points  (0 children)

3 other holes? So she has a total of 4 available holes?

Do you fuck her in the belly button or something?

[–]RPmatrix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

not necessarily, like any muscle it gets better with exercise

[–]glawkneintehn 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You will hear this many times in trp or pickup etc. Drop your outcome dependence. It's toxic to you, it's toxic to your chances at pickup. Only when you truly don't give a fuck and are completely ok with walking away empty handed do you really have the ability for a negotiation, or any ability to win.

Same reason why you should look for jobs while you're employed.

[–]1Maverick1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Just three holes" -Patrice O'Neal

[–]sirburgundy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I've banged 50 girls since and I'm still not over my oneitis with a norwegian princess. But then again they weren't really hotter.

[–]tastescrunchy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God that sounds awful man (not the 50 girls part). Power through

[–]PlanB_pedofile 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Oneitis is a mental disorder. Treat it like one. Drugs, booze, and partying helps as well as other distracting activities.

However a mental disorder can only be managed, never cured.

That's what happened when she suddenly popped back in.

The thing about this disorder is that it's based on fantasy. Your mind gets stuck in this fantasy and it's fucking everything up. Recognize the fantasy, admit that it's a disorder, manage the disorder. Eventually you'll hit the right strides to keep this mental illness to a minimum.

Focus on yourself.

[–]BlackJ1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After thinking about my oneitis I had pre-trp I began to understand that I was fantasizing about the idea of me being together with a girl.

I never implemented the real life consequences good or bad from it actually happening.

Look. There is only two ways to get rid of a oneitis.

  1. Deprive yourself of the oneitis.
  2. Go for other woman.

[–]ecosci 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Once you understand female nature then your own your way to alphahood because vaginas are overvalued and women know it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I saw my ex girlfriend over the summer when I was back from university.. Had a crush on her for years and was a friend/beta orbiter for a while until I started fucking multiple women and playing in a rock band, then she became attracted to me enough to attempt to lock me down in an LTR.

She left me for a more chadly dude when I was at a low point in my life. My band just broke up and I was devastated. Around this time I also started losing contact with my close circle of friends because I isolated myself putting my relationshit on a pedestal always trying to "make things better" and "patch things up". Always trying to please her.

I came a long way since then.. Got my ass back in school, I got into really good shape (went from a beer gut skinny fat cig smoker to athletic, clean from tobacco/rarely drink and able to run a mile in 6:30). I graduated CC and was accepted to transfer to a very prestigious school that's in the top 10 in the world for my field. Some of my professors are famous/have a lot of cred in this field.

Even after all this progress, being in her presence made me feel like shit about myself. I kept it to myself, ignored it, and didn't show face. That's all you can do.

Even though my SMV practically shot through the roof, I am still not getting laid. I ran into one of my best bro's ex's at a DJ night event the other day.. This chick is a solid 8, typical party girl AWALT behavior type. She's pretty shallow, but a nice girl (if you're not dating her) nevertheless.. She said "Holy shit, you look hot" and was pulling that subliminal kino shit girls do when they're around a hot guy, like they can't help but touch him or walk closely and graze him. I didn't make moves though cause she had a new boyfriend who was there who could probably kick my ass.

I think a lot of the reason why I'm not pulling girls is just that my standards got too high. I don't even feel motivated to number close sluts anymore. I just think "that girl's 25 and still slutting it up.. She's def got the herps or HPV at this point there's no way she doesn't". It's a double edged sword too, because the girls who make you work for it, I will think "Ugh, I'm too broke to take chicks out to dinner 5 times to get some starfish missionary."

[–]sd4c 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I ran into one of my best bro's ex's at a DJ night event the other day.. This chick is a solid 8, typical party girl AWALT behavior type. She's pretty shallow, but a nice girl (if you're not dating her) nevertheless.. She said "Holy shit, you look hot" and was pulling that subliminal kino shit girls do when they're around a hot guy, like >they can't help but touch him or walk closely and graze him. I didn't make moves though cause she had a new boyfriend who was there who could probably kick my ass.

How about because it's one of your best friend's exes?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They broke up like 3 years ago and he's had two girlfriends since then. I see nothing wrong with banging a chick your friend used to date after a few years have passed. The relationship ended after all... Not like I'd be trying to steal her from him or some shit.

[–]sd4c 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Patrice O'Neal used to say: "Women are the enemy." If women are the enemy, an ex-gf is the arch-enemy. If I value a friend, I find other chicks to bang other than his arch-enemies. Because it's difficult to hook up without at least showing them some small kindness- a soda, a room for the night, some chips.

If I valued the friendship, was close to the guy, I'd ask him first. If I didn't really care how he felt, then whatever

[–]hot_rats_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to still be in your early to mid 20s. I'm in my 30s and all the girls I used to have oneitis for (before I was exposed to any of this lingo) have hit the wall hard, with the exception of one or two. And those one or two, even though they are still beautiful, can't compete with young blood. They are <5 years away from cougarship. Keep this in mind when you start to obsess. Depending on your lifestyle choices you can continue to become more and more attractive to women as you age. They have nowhere to go but down in this department.

[–]coffee_34 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Bros, I'm gonna level with you.

I've got oneitis. Bad. I think about this girl all day every day, and all that pussy shit.

It's gotten to the point where I'm so crushed, I have no motivation to talk to girls. Or even make friends.

I want to blow my brains out on her front lawn lol.

What do I do?

[–]Danr630 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Ok seriously, no one is worth giving up your life over. Ever.

I thought I was well and clear and then ran into mine a few months ago, enjoyed her company then wound up right back at step one.

Time to unplug. So you don't want friends right now? Find things to do alone - go hiking, play hockey or anything at all where you can lose yourself temporarily so long as it isn't video games or porn as this will only feed back on you. Force yourself to do something physical, even a few times and the natural endorphin rush will help push you forward.

Avoid her no matter what.

[–]coffee_34 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Great advice.

Tbh she's not even that hot. Any guy here would fuck the dogshit out of her, but she's only like a 7. I can do better.

It's gonna take some time to adjust and truly digest trp. It's gonna hurt a while. But still, I understand that she's not worth giving my life over and she's not worth giving my freedom over in a relationship. She couldn't even respect me enough to text me back when I begged like a dog. And why should she respect a man who behaves that way?

Let's consider this a bullet dodged, literally.

Time to work on myself. Thanks brother. I really think the red pill is the most important philosophical movement of our generation. It's going to help me a lot, I think.

[–]chiefbl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad I scrolled down this far. This comment seemed to resonate to me more than the other comments above. Everyone would fuck the dogshit out of my oneitis as well, but yet.. By taking a step back, I see she's really only a hb7. And yeah I can also relate to all the other BP shit you've mentioned.

She couldn't even respect me enough to text me back when I begged like a dog. And why should she respect a man who behaves that way?

Feelsbadman. Goodluck. I was invited to a party next week.. And my oneitis will definitely be there.. Starting to think I probably shouldn't go

Time to work on myself. Thanks brother. I really think the red pill is the most important philosophical movement of our generation. It's going to help me a lot, I think.

[–]tastescrunchy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been in your shoes, it's very much time to work on yourself, and there's also nothing wrong with you selectively choosing what aspects of TRP will work for you. Don't be someone you aren't, and choose the advice you take wisely..but confidence and all that shit...that's gonna come from within you. And if you're being honest about the dodged bullet (which I can see eye to eye with) then sounds like she's a entitled child who has nothing to add to your life. and that 7 rating is only declining..

[–]Assassin23v7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you need to unplug yourself, distract yourself away from her. I'm currently suffering from oneitis as well. Believe it or not, the reason why I'm on reddit, is because I wanted to distract myself. I haven't spoken to her in a week, this includes not going on her social media or opening her snapstories either. If I go out, it's with lads. I'm glad I found this oneitis post, it enlightened me, I hope it will for you too.

Also, find new girls to talk to. There might be a slight possibility that she might get jealous, but that doesn't mean you get to have her. Now, it's her turn to get hooked/after you. It's your turn to have control now, that is, if she falls for you.

Remember, focus on other things in life. I know how hard it is, because she's the world to you right now. But, if we all can do it and move on, so can you.

Good luck man...

[–]sd4c 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I want to blow my brains out on her front lawn lol.

Do not do this. This is the worst thing you could actually do. You will just make her feel great. She will pretend to be upset and traumatized, but there is no bigger trophy than having a guy kill himself over you.

[–]fmihaescu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to say but you're still very beta. Imagine this from an evolutionary perspective : Very few women in an ancestral tribe so the man should have been very careful and decisive in his actions. So oneitis is our reptile brain adaption to make sure that you will pursue a reproductive goal forever. It doesn't care about your mood , it's only about your genes. The dopamine rush is amazingly high to can control it but through rationalization you can succeed. We are not in a tribe anymore with so few women available , so oneitis is an appendix from our evolutionary past.

Solution : Remove yourself 100 % from her presence. Upgrade yourself & whatever , the redpill stuff. She's dead for you , she will never like you and take you for a Chad and besides that she doesn't deserve your struggles.

[–]J_AsapGem 4 points5 points  (0 children)

major thing i learned from RSD is, get better! not bitter! everytime i feel some type of way i remind myself of this phrase and i must say it's starting to stick

[–]aazav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't care. Stop caring. Stop needing her. You're addicted and you have to detox. She. Doesn't. Matter. Don't treat her as if she does.

[–]McLarenX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is one thing I can do though. I can actually become better instead of pretending to be better. I will internalize my own failures and beat them back. I will stop projecting my successes onto other people and I will forget about her because I am better than her. When I eventually see her again, I won't lose my frame.

Good lesson. THIS is a quality post. Find your passion in life, and everything else will follow.

[–]giantsrocker 1 point2 points  (1 child)

some wise man told me earlier on that to get rid of you onesitis, imagine her naked, squatting with her feet on two bricks on the ground, taking a GIANT dump.

That, my friends, is a pretty good isnta-cure to onesitis.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if that doesn't get you hard as fuck, you have the wrong oneitus

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]fmihaescu 0 points1 point  (10 children)

What I've told you it's not easy. Is it really impossible to break any kind of contact with her? You are a free man , with moving freedom I suppose. Oneitis is very similar with drug addiction , with dopamine withdrawals. So for the first the drug addict is isolated to relieve the symptoms of withdrawal.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]fmihaescu 0 points1 point  (8 children)

It's very sad to hear that you don't believe in yourself.Use your willpower , all of us have some willpower , it must be trained.I'm sorry but I will vote down your post , for your own good. And I don't know how the hell so many people upvoted this article.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]fmihaescu 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Then go on with this pathetic self pitty. If you knew your matter was so "hard" and "impossible" why do you wrote it here?

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]fmihaescu 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I don't see in which way is relevant if an account is new or old. It doesn't imply that I'm new to redpill. I don't know , I'm sorry I've commented on this article...you have so much to learn.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]fmihaescu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This forum used to be a place with some dignity. You and many like you will turn some day this last resort of manly thoughts in a beta lake. A good day and enjoy your suffering!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't ever let a woman be that gleam in your eye.

[–]Dayman_ah-ah-ah 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Oneitis for a crush, really?

[–]stickypencils[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Yeh, I was always a "hopeless romantic" (bitch). I even loved watching romcoms.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro 16 points17 points  (1 child)

That's first step to pegging.

[–]Avskygod0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have different problem, even if it's a better one but trickier

Get simultaneous oneitis for multiple women randomly, but it goes away on it's own

[–]RichieFinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

needed this myself, thanks

[–]d6x1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not emotionally independent. You got to be emotionally independent

[–]AtMyHands[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get up, put yourself out there, and move along. Focus on yourself. You'll learn that you are better and respect yourself a lot more and realize that she was never worth it. There's plenty of better options out there and you will find them.

[–]wanderer779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a super bad case. Saw her a few years ago and felt nothing. Then again I don't feel too much for the girl I'm with and I doubt changing her out would make any difference. If nothing else eventually you get older and start thinking about other stuff more than women.

[–]RedPharaohRising 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you one-itis when you imagine a future/build a castle fantasy with someone before you actually get there.
Be grounded mentally, really really grounded, and save the imagining and picturing-the-future for things that don't have agency on their own, like a 3 plate bench.

[–]meh613 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only person in control of your outcome is you. TRP can only guide you, I can only guide you, but the final decision (and consequences of said decision) are yours and yours alone.

[–]tallwheel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not a horrible post or anything, but honestly, I was kind of expecting more from the title. Come on. Tell us what oneitis really is and why we'll never get over it. Instead, I just found a story about a guy who had oneitis and what happened when he bumped into his old oneitis again.

[–]BloodRedAlert 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm witnessing the effect of Oneitis now to my orbiting friends

[–]meninistMD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the same experience when I was in relationship with a girl who I loved for three years, she broke up with me. after, I made a trip where I fucked 5 different girls, 2 I knew before. after I am feeling fine, of course there is still some thoughts "what if.." but the bitter feeling went away, nothing washs the scent of a woman like the scent of another.

[–]JackGetsIt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you accomplish genuine life goals women will find you and want to be your prize.

[–]DarkisKnight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Generally you're post is good but I disagree with the premise that oneitis can't be gotten over. It sounds like you're still seeking external validation rather than internal validation. She was the benchmark you measured yourself by rather than ones of your own creation. But by the end of your post you realized this and I think you're on the right track. This is just a step in unplugging and we're all on different parts of the continuum.

Once you realize bitches are all the same, even the drop dead gorgeous ones, you realize that it's all a game and it's hard to get too attached. A pussy is just a pussy is just another pussy. You stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.

When you've finally accepted where you are and are going where you want to be going you'll realize that while breakups/rejection is painful it doesn't define you and there will be others. Pining after the most recent bitch who got away no longer is worth spending any time or effort on. You value yourself too much for that.

[–]victor_knight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Follow the principles of MGTAO and you should be fine.

[–]Theophagist -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've been lurking the redpill for a couple of months.

Oh here we go, it's another fresh expert who figured out stuff about himself that is already in the sidebar.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've gotten over it...

I see now that dating and friendship is simply a mutually beneficial exchange. You provide something tangible and they provide something tangible and both benefit from the experience. Not that you can't appreciate them as a person for coming along on the journey and making it unique for having the special quirks and personality that they do - only that, a lot of guys are delusional in how they will "fall in love" with a petite pretty hot chick and convince themselves there is something magical, when ... he just really likes that ass and would never feel the same way about a fat chick, this let's him get offended when she also wants something in return.

[–][deleted] 0 points0 points

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[–]Luigisfresh -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you want to get her back go out a fuck 10 girls and if you can do that you have the skill to get her In your life

[–]TheStumblingWolf -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I got over it just fine. Had oneitis for a girl. We figured out it wouldn't work, we were good friends and we still are. I kept working on myself and eventually realized it wasn't uncommon for girls to be interested in me. Then it just sort of disappeared over time. I just went on a week long vacation with her and didn't catch the feels. So it is possible but like with everything else - if you want something you have to work for it.