Field ReportGot the courage to approach in public (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]

I've had this self created dilemma where I'm sketched out and have approach anxiety in public. It's the fear of falling on my face in public trying to holler at a girl, or look like some creeper with no game. But, I'm so over Tinder and online dating, it makes me feel like a fucking chump.

This all changed last night when I went to a concert. Before the show started I made it a point to be as outwardly social with everyone, regardless if they are a HB8 or a group of dudes. This turned out to be a great way to break out of my mold. When the time came to approach, I was already in a social mood and was vibing out. It all came so much more natural since I was already being social, and wasn't social just towards single women looking thirsty. Most were cold approaches, no IOI's or eye contact prior, place was packed. First approach to a decent looking girl, definite 6, was a bust. After talking for 5 minutes I could tell it was time to eject. Moved on to a group of girls I saw and approached them all with a sarcastic comment about the venue, it landed well they all laugh, I feel great. Few more minutes of talking and I come to find out they are all out with their boyfriends and the dudes eventually come over all over-protective with their macho bullshit. I maintain frame and just laugh it off like they are my boys and it's no big deal, what was awesome because they ended up apologizing to ME for coming at me like that. They turned out to be some cool dudes, kind of low value men though I could tell I was in charge of the situation and leading. During our conversation I make eye contact with a cute girl across the venue. I walk over and we chat about the band, flirting and being playful. Not wanting to appear thirsty, I end up walking back to that same group of dudes and we end up getting a beer together. I still see cute girl eyeing me from time to time. Show starts and I have a blast. After the show I hear someone calling my name, turn around, and what do you know, it's cute girl. We hit up the bar in the venue, things escalate fast, constant joking, playful teasing and nudges, I knew it was a done deal once she touched her hand on my leg at the bar. We leave and come back to my place for a night cap, the sexual tension is thick and we end up getting right to work as soon as we walk inside.

I've never pulled in public before, didn't expect to close, but last night I felt like a natural with how in the moment I was. Gentlemen it feels fucking great, I felt like a fucking man for once.

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 136 points137 points  (23 children)

I've had nights where my energy is so on-point and every encounter is just smooth as fuck and I feel like a king.

I'm usually a little tipsy at this point.

[–]S8600E56 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I'm coming to call this my "third beer zone".

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

little being the key word, from my experience :)

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

deleted What is this?

[–]Project_Thor 5 points6 points  (16 children)

Ah yes, Weed get's me into my flow state as well. It's best to mix Weed/Caffeine/Adrenaline for the best flow state!

[–]LucyOnTheTree 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Really? I have the opposite experience, weed make me feel like im low on testosterone, my libido goes to zero.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Everyone reacts a bit differently. I get antisocial, thoughtful and extremely lethargic on weed so it's a no go for parties and clubs. Can be OK for chill time but I normally just use it alone, video games or movies on my relax days. Also helps me hit my caloric goals cuz I'm a skinny punk tryna eat 3k a day.

[–]chiefbl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps it's the strain you're smoking? Try to reserve sativas for social meet ups. But damn, 3k a day.. Definitely something not easy to do without weed personally

[–]Submissively_yours 4 points5 points  (11 children)

In my experience, it's pretty obvious when a person is stoned. It's never been found to be attractive unless drug use is a part of status: i.e. A high power businessman that does coke or a drug dealer that has an extensive social network/takes in cash.

[–]Project_Thor 2 points3 points  (9 children)

I'm already attractive, I don't need a boost in that regard. I'm talking about flow states where everything goes perfectly.

[–]Submissively_yours -3 points-3 points [recovered]

I'm talking about how every time someone is obviously high around me, I feel completely turned off unless they are rich or powerful. TRP is all about the anecdotes and personal experiences, right?

[–]Project_Thor 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Everyone is different when high. The same as with alcohol.

[–]Submissively_yours 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Like I said, this is my limited perspective. Take it as you will. I just have never seen a high guy do well beyond chicks gravitating to them because they wanna get high.

Edit: What I am trying to say/ask is more details on how this usually goes for you.

[–]MarcusAugustusWong 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Usually when I get high with girls I take them way less seriously and do bolder things; so I can just constantly joke and take no shit from them. They love it. Once when I was high, I met a catholic girl with a boyfriend at a party, she ended up going to my car and making out with me.

[–]Project_Thor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have a very high SMV, Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, 6ft1, Model Material. So keep in mind that it doesn't really matter for me anyways, however I am better on a good dose. I take everything less seriously and am way more courageous/bold. Just the same way Marcus describes it. If I told you my stories of how it went well and worked for me, you wouldn't believe me. If you did believe me it wouldn't matter.

[–]PianoIsGod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree with you here. Same experience. Smoked a few times and completely stopped because of this.

[–]prophecycake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm just gonna state the obvious here, you've probably been around plenty of people who were high and you had no idea.

[–]WeOutCheaLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I smoke Buddha multiple times a day and it has literally never gotten in between me and any woman. Once you get those tingles going do they really give shit if you smoke? Fuck noo

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While that's good you also want to be able to be fun and pull when sober or your brain will only associate a fun time with alcohol. Which could not end so well

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My goal is to one day get into this frame completely sober.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're an experienced drinker getting buzzed actually boosts your game. I've been drinking at the bar with my dad ever since I was 16. Bar game just comes natural, all you have to do is drink a couple of bears and then you're on autopilot. Dodging shit tests like Neo dodges bullets. Most important though, drinking makes me have allot of fun.

[–]suske127 77 points78 points  (1 child)

"but last night I felt like a natural with how in the moment I was"

This is largely a presence thing. You read a lot about meditation on TRP and, this is why. It helps you feel in the moment like that. Helps you slay when you want to slay.

Happy to hear how successful you are, brother! Keep it up hopefully you stay in contact with that cutie and pull in a couple more while you're at it (if that's what your goal is to do)

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks bud. Yea I really felt that the other night, having presence, was a great feeling.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Nice work man. Love those nights where things just go so smoothly and you feel like the fucking man. Keep it up! That's also pretty awesome you were able to befriend those guys and share a beer even though they came on to you with that mate guarding aggressive bullshit. Guess it's natural to be that way though.

[–]hey_dingus 10 points11 points  (1 child)

My favorite go-to move in that situation is to just calmly place your hand on your girl's lower back as you walk up. No need for macho bullshit like these guys did

[–]wiseprogressivethink 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Related pointer:

If you're in a group of people who are all new to each other (think first day of classes at college), everyone will be apprehensive. It's human nature. But if you go into that very first day with some social confidence and gregariousness, you sort of instantly become a leader, an alpha by default. Introduce yourself to others, volunteer your comments, etc. Other people (both male and female) will sort of begin to look up to you.

First impressions matter, and you only get one shot at it.

Now, remember this tidbit every time you do an approach in public. Same shit applies. Both parties will be a bit nervous, but by virtue of the fact that you were the one taking the initiative, you're already sort of "in charge." This doesn't mean every cold approach will be successful, but it certainly helps.

[–]8n0n 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you're in a group of people who are all new to each other (think first day of classes at college), everyone will be apprehensive. But if you go into that very first day with some social confidence and gregariousness, you sort of instantly become a leader, an alpha by default. Introduce yourself to others, volunteer your comments, etc. Other people (both male and female) will sort of begin to look up to you.

I've used that at group interviews (jobs) with moderate success.

Many times where it has fallen through were positions that went to people who knew the recruiter and/or specific people previously; and the whole application process was checking boxes on a company hiring policy (basic observation and TRP sidebar material solved the puzzle quickly enough).

This is not a post where I make excuses for failure; as there were a few separate failed applications that in reflection I felt went to people with more experience and were a better fit than I, but one where I point out an anecdotal example where this social dynamic has played to my advantage.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's solid advice man, appreciate it! It's actually kind of obvious now that you pointed it out haha

[–]ChadJohnsonSnr 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I came across an important concept yesterday called Social Momentum.

I had a shit night out in Slovakia on Friday. Some dudes around me were vibing hard, while I was completely in my head and unable to let go. Gorgeous women, new country, good company, but still stood like a cuck while others chatted up the ladies.

In the morning I sat and reviewed my homegrown shitshow, wondering why sometimes I can be completely in the zone, and sometimes not. This concept of social momentum explained it well for me. My lead up to the night consisted of very little social interaction, and small little resistive actions. Not vibing with my company, not being chatty with bar staff, going to the toliet when I get my first IOI of the night. If you do start your early evening off with many light social interactions, you shift your mindset to a more positive one and you remove any instinctual anxiety you have about approaching people. This sets you up for smoother interactions during prime gaming time.

Im going to be more concious of this in the future and cut out low vibration chode nights from my adventures.

[–]meburpme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For me it's the same. I get my social momentum at work by chatting and vibing with everyone. By the time I leave work and head to my boxing class, I'm totally confident and words/conversations just flow.

That post-exercise relaxation also helps me get in the zone

A shot or two also helps haha

[–]Dio_Brando_Joestar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same, I noticed this one day with me as well. Best to start social momentum early in the day, so by night you aren't in your head so much.

[–]TermsOfColors 15 points16 points  (2 children)

How old are you?

I honestly don't understand why anyone under 30 would resort to online dating.

I spent a lot of time in the bars and clubs and party circuit when I was in my twenties. That was before everyone had their nose in a smart phone though. It was easy. Who cares if you get shot down in flames anyway? Everyone is drunk, it's loud and crowded, and no one barely notices anyway (unless you are a stand-out creeper). I didn't pull every girl I talked to but I was never lacking for a date or a girlfriend and basically had several options at any one time.

Point is, there's no reason why you or any of the guys on here can't do this every weekend if you actually go out. Try a few different places. If you go out with a big group of guys make sure you split up and work the club, don't be like a gang of rapists crowding around a couple of girls. And if you go out alone, which I rarely did unless I was on the road, make sure you start talking to people right away and don't hide away in the corner like the village creeper.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm 28, I agree with you, it feels stupid using Tinder and online dating apps just because I was being a pussy about approaching.

[–]AshyBoneVR4 3 points4 points  (7 children)

Not gonna lie, reading your post made me feel old, and I'm only 26. I had no idea what HB8 meant before looking it up on urban dictionary, and I still don't know what IOI's are. But besides that, congrats man. You found your rhythm. You did it without needing Liquid Courage too.

[–]8n0n 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Indication of Interest, in the glossary on the subs sidebar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

everybody fucking abbreviates everything these days. any sub on reddit has 15 unique abbreviations. its absurd, remember the days when people just typed out words?

[–]AshyBoneVR4 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Those were the days man, way back when people used to use words, sentences and punctuation. I miss those days. They were simpler times. Now people look at you funny if you write "wat" but will send WYD and NM and if you don't know what that means you're a fuckin idiot.

[–]Toker95 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Did you go by yourself, if so respect. Nonetheless gj

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

And all it took was opening to anyone, a random dude, an old person, doesn't matter. From there, keep your momentum going and don't look back. This method has changed my life. If only I knew it was this easy I would have been a social butterfly years ago.

[–]S8600E56 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would add - get to know the bar tenders, they get momentum going for a living.

[–]aRedThought 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a neurological expert but I'm pretty sure a core concept behind learning is that humans have to create neural pathways through experience. If you are a naturally introverted anxious person (such as myself) the only way to get out of that is to go out do what the OP did.

You have to get out of your comfort zone and talk to everyone. Doing this builds those new neural pathways and breaks you out of your mold.

[–]DDOS_Feeler 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just jump in there with "as if you never want to regret about anything in life anymore" confidence and you will be fine.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem with guys that cold approach, try PUA or anything comparable is that they don't own it. It's not their thing, they do it out of obligation. When you do something you have to own it.

Approaching is effective for Chad because it comes natural to him. His techniques and openers really don't matter. It's simply his thing, success is a byproduct. He can't help himself, it's his special move. If you are trying to get 'good at approaching' you are doing it wrong. Because you aren't owning it.

Whenever I attempted to get good at something things always went down two different ways. Either I kept forcing the issue while getting increasingly frustrated at my lack of skill. Or I simply enjoyed the activity so much that eventually poof I became good at it. Seemingly overnight, any skill increase after that was just part of the deal.

I know guys with the most ridiculous hobbies or interests and they are still getting poon because they own it. I guess this is why Spergs are so incredibly unsuccessful with girls even after finding TRP. They read the posts and take everything so literal that they're missing the point entirely.

I can't stress this enough, approaching will never get you great results if you approach (pun intended, kek) things from the wrong angle.

[–]TehJimmyy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing with us approachers with anxiety. Personal question tho ? Have you been on NoFap ? If you dont know what it is no need to answer.

[–]jtmazari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post! can totally relate. I'm 20 years old and I have only gotten super drunk once.. it was a terrible decision, I was being such a nut and the morning after was terrible. I keep it cheap now, take a shot of whiskey at home and have one drink at the bar. I also hype myself up in the car with loud ass music. I've been taking small Xanax tabs with some caffeine and I feel super cool, clam , relaxed and energized. Perfect for game