Red Pill TheoryGaylubeOil's Guide to Using Meals to Give Women Feels (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Senior Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil

When the Red Pill discusses feminism, it tends to focus on how the ideology effects men and society. This perspective is natural. The Red Pill is exclusively a male community and it is quite natural for men to gravitate to topics that effect them directly. One side effect of our male centered focal point, is that we often neglect the fact that feminism has had a real negative impact on women's lives as well. Second-wave feminism destroyed and degraded the bonds of many families by deemphasizing motherhood. As a result, a lot of women were denied the joys of cooking and enjoying wholesome family dinners. Their mothers were so focused on following the Strong Independent social script that they neglected to love their daughters.

Modern women are less well adjusted than their mothers and grandmothers. They crave the stability and comfort of the family meal that feminism has robbed them of and lack the ability to cook one. Luckily for you, Red Pill super star GayLubeOil is going to teach you how to exploit this tragic flaw. By controlling a woman's food hole a man can seize control of the vagina hole. The Red Pill is exclusively a male community, we don't really care about women's problems we just want to fuck them in the pussy.

The Feed and Fuck

Man has been bartering food for sex since the beginning of time. It's a well established strategy for getting laid. Anyone who has worked for the UN food program will gladly attest to the efficacy of The Feed and Fuck. While many men attempt this strategy, most fall into the trap of being a Beta food provider.

Here are some rules to follow if you wish to avoid this tragic fate: Whenever you cook for a woman make her an active participant. Always manufacture a story that gives the meal emotional significance. Never bring a woman into a dirty kitchen. Presentation is important. Basic bitches have a basic palate, so cook something simple. And most importantly, you cant stuff a girl who has already been stuffed so keep portions moderate.

After the Dick Benedict

As many of you know, the false rape epidemic is in full swing. College age women are on a steady diet of man hating feminist propaganda and MTV slut culture. Women want to be sluts but don't want to be judged by their peers. Not only do false rape allegations get them out of this conundrum, they also provide pity points, which are an invaluable currency in our victimhood culture.

Nothing stop false rape allegations in their tracks like breakfast. Real rape victims don't have breakfast with their rapists. Which is why, morning after breakfast is the ultimate alibi. Breakfast makes her feel almost like a real person instead of some Gymbro's slam hog. Eggs Benedict is the ultimate breakfast. Photograph her whore face next to your beautiful Benedict and throw that delicious alibi onto her Instagram. Make sure to leave a copy for yourself just in case her SJW friends indulge her in revisionist history.

Let me Cream those Peaches Creamy Peaches

Around six weeks into a hookup relationship women start feeling self conscious about getting creamed by a dude that only sort of remembers their name. This is usually about the time that they'll start trying to force the So What are We? conversation, more often than not at the behest of her friends. The trick is to preempt this talk with bullshit: "I'm a really spontaneous guy that lets things happen organically. I go with the flow and do what comes naturally. I'm totally open to a relationship but not if its rushed or forced." Now obviously the penis recipient will either swallow the bullshit or feel angry. The trick is to cram sugar and butter into her face during the conversation so she is more receptive.

Start by bringing a skillet or grill to medium heat. Use this time to spew some bullshit about your grandmother making this for you before she died of something horrible and sad. While the vagina person is distracted with feels, baste the peaches with your secret cinnamon honey butter sauce. Once the peaches are soft baste again and throw some ice cream or whip on that bitch. Women are children so presentation is important. Then while she is still under the delusion that you are a half decent person casually sell her some I'm a spontaneous guy nonsense.

The Language of Food

The hottest bitches are usually the dumbest. They have no interest in abstract concepts. They won't comprehend your jokes and will resent you for confusing them. Avoid all of this nonsense by speaking to them through the language of food. Use your meals to give her feels. If children and animals can be manipulated with food, so can women.

GLO Fit is the only clothing brand scientifically formulated to help you stuff your meat into Asian girls.
For even more misogyny follow GaylubeOil on Twitter.

[–]GrowlingBears 283 points284 points  (8 children)

Breakfast with a Misogynist brought to you by Chef GLO. Our sponsors today are Get The Fuck Back In The Kitchen dish soap and Those Dishes Don't Fucking Wash Themselves scrub pads.

[–]silentlyfurious 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Made me giggle like a little girl hahaha

[–]Thaweed 37 points38 points  (1 child)

While the vagina person is distracted with feels

was the point where I lost it.

[–]grngr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"some Gymbro's slam hog" had me :)

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 116 points117 points  (60 children)

Satire that's not actually satire is the best kind of satire.

Every woman I've ever fucked, I cooked for. And made her help in some token barely competent way.

God, modern women are fucking dumb.

"Do I cut the apple like this or this?"

"The first way."

"How big?"

"Same size as this other one I'm cutting."

"Did you already wash it?"

"Yes. You were right here watching me, fucking with your cell phone."

[–][deleted] 62 points63 points  (53 children)

ha, truth hurts. I got lucky, when I was a little boy, mother drilled into my head that women were useless domestically. Boy, she missed the mark in a lot of ways, but got that one straight on.

Next time anyone is at a girls place, see if you can find the following:

  • Iron.
  • Non teflon cookware
  • borax, bleach, or rubbing alcohol
  • a dry mop
  • laundry folded in a pile

I guarantee you'll start to laugh at every plates place

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (32 children)

I'm way more domesticated that 99% of women. Now I find it impossible to have an LTR as the only thing I need a woman for is her vagina and cuddles after.

[–]GrowlingBears 53 points54 points  (2 children)

But... but... you don't respect me for my brain and my snowflake thoughts.

[–]adam_varg 7 points7 points [recovered]

Well i found that picking girls one or two smv point lower help to solve this.

I can cook, clean, etc.. even sew if i need to.

When decided to pursue commitment they always make their best to keep up and prove how great housewives they would be. Girl learn something, it can even save me time ocasionally and as bonus these attempts are neverending sources for teasing her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (9 children)

My LTR was alright at it, really doubled down when she became an LTR. Spends a lot of time learning new recipes. Still refuses to iron though...

[–]adam_varg 5 points5 points [recovered]

Yeah ironing and modern woman baffles me.

None of them do it and they always seems to get off fact i do.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

nobody wants to be the sperg at the office with wrinkled khakis and unkempt hair

[–]adam_varg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tried some behaviour adjustment with non ironing ltr?

I cant be bothered about ironing, but giving spankings (well it ends denying them after few first occasions) or orgasm denial for not doing her job works swell for me.

[–]landon042 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This is weird to me. Not the ironing part. I iron because I get cheap j crew factory shirts that are slim, but I'm a younger guy and don't wear casual oxfords/gingham all the time. But it's 2016.. we have non iron shirts/pants and if you're an adult with a career wearing those everyday you should invest in nicer ones. Just wondering

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my dryer doesn't operate very well. sometimes things come out wrinkled. I only need to iron a few things a month.

[–]Senior Contributorveggie_girl 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Steamers. I steam the wrinkles out of everything.

[–]adam_varg 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Like this stuff:http://cdn.bestreviews.com/images/dashboard/quotes/29cb0748b6105853b1b463417ce6e7e2.jpg


How fast is that? I am asking since i can iron shirt in like one minute, two tops. Or is there any other advantage?

[–]Senior Contributorveggie_girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It takes about 45-60 seconds. Major advantage is it works on dress shirts, dresses, cotton, silk, latex, polyfiber. An iron will press and clean slightly faster with crisper edges, but a steamer is more versatile and can do the entire closet without needing a giant board and no risk of burning your clothes.

[–]KumonRoguing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This hits home. All women are good for is fucking and a bomb ass nap.

[–]smokeybehr 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Non teflon cookware

Bonus points if there's multiple pieces of cast iron cookware (skillet and Dutch oven minimum) that are well-seasoned. Well seasoned means black and shiny like a prized Model T.

[–]iamlenb 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ask her if she used Flaxseed oil for seasoning. It's food grade Linseed oil, same stuff cabinet and furniture makers use for a hand oiled finish. Toughest and hardest polymerizing coating you can have on your iron cookware and not many know to use it. Now you know.

[–]DokDaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good tip. I wouldn't have considered flax due to it's high omega 3 content making it prone to rancidity.

[–]HAL-9OOO 1 point2 points  (14 children)

What are you using borax and rubbing alcohol for?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (12 children)

Borax is a freshener. Rubbing alcohol for stains, as well as peroxide.

Point is, I've yet to meet a girl under forty whose aware of that

[–]HAL-9OOO 3 points4 points  (11 children)

A freshener? What does that mean? Is it laundry?

Don't get me wrong, I do everything in my home. But I go with the squeezy bottles, detergent and fabric softener.

I've only used borax as flux, and I thought it was like 1700s household stuff. You have to buy it at a hardware store or pharmacy(it's right next to the sulfur flowers haha)

[–]Kurisu_Yogisha 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah borax is actually pretty useful. I never used it until I was searching for something on google and borax came up. I was like 'seriously, wtf is borax' and searched some more. Turns out people swear by it for all kinds of shit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yes, for laundry, throw it in with a wash.

There's also liquid bluing. you put with a rinse cycle and helps keep your whites from yellowing over time

[–]peterforallmankind 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Big up on the liquid bluing, that shit has kept my whites super white for years. Thanks, Grandma.

[–]HAL-9OOO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going to try it, see if it does anything different than usual.

[–]dingman58 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Borax is also a flame retardant. Say if you wanted to make wicks for a candle, you would dip your cloth/strings in a borax solution.

[–]HAL-9OOO 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Yah, 1700s household stuff...

I'm gonna go find a beehive and make some candles, it's always interesting to try something really old school.

Have you seen those candle/stove things the eskimos used to make because trees where scarce, they took a piece of flat bark or leather? and then chew walrus blubber into a paste and spread it thickly onto one side and the they light the edge with the blubber facing upwards and the edge burns for hours and gives them a wide flame to cook the rest of the walrus.

[–]dingman58 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'll have to try that next fortnight

[–]HAL-9OOO 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just don't thy wait two scores and seven bushels or there'll surely be cubits to measure.

[–]enfier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It compensates for hard water, making cheap laundry soap more effective. Not needed if you have soft water or a water softener.

[–]inspiron3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it removes smells, like Baking Soda.

[–]circleofshit666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

mix borax with sugar and it kills ants.

Borax helps smell of sour laundry

borax fights and kills mold.

[–]InsurmountableMind 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I usually don't let them help because they always end up cutting their finger or burn their hand or something. And I'll just do it a lot faster anyway. Plus the chicks love to watch a man cook, at least when you know what you're doing. Maybe let them wash the vegetables and fetch me a beer from the fridge.

I also always ask them if they're into chili, regardless of the answer i'll chop some in anyway because I do. Tell them it's better this way. They always eat it even if it's "too hot". Maybe it's the feels.

[–]DennisReynoldsAMA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women are completely useless in modern America

[–]chadchadington 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Truer words have not been spoken.

What annoys me is how most women I know can't:

  • cook
  • manage money
  • plan
  • have a clean room
  • keep a tidy kitchen

It makes me laugh when a women hints at commitment or moving in when she has very little to offer outside sex an companionship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I have a question. How do you respond to them being on their phone during times like these? I get particularly annoyed when a girl gets on her phone after sex, but I don't want it to show. So I either go to sleep or engage her. Thoughts?

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 8 points9 points  (0 children)

After sex, she can do whatever she wants. You should be annoyed if she's on her phone before sex.

Come up behind her, take her phone, set it down, put your arms around her, and help her cut whatever's in front of her. If she bitches, ask, "Is your mom in the hospital or something?" She will say "blah blah blah", but you cut her off after the first blah and say, "Then cut the damn onion. I'm hungry."

If she keeps complaining and fucking with her phone instead of helping you cook, order her a copy of The Little Red Hen off of Amazon Prime and kick her ass out hungry.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (4 children)

GLO is on a secret mission to turn misogynist women haters into perfect gentlemen by using language that appeals to them while instructing them to engage in the most refined behaviors.

[–]AlerioX 6 points7 points  (3 children)

So true. I don't like this way of subtle shitlordic indoctrination.
He could even tell those guys to eat a prostitutes asshole and they would do it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

That's what power looks like. Having the chance to see it first hand with my current job... i realize most people really are moist robots. They love to have faith rather than understanding what they are dealing with.

[–]ganvanter 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Autonomy is a lot of work. Copying and believing the words of others is much easier. Human cognition is wired for efficiency. It couldnt be any other way.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes and no.

I like the "middle way", where you go out and ask generic questions but then you make your own questions, take your time, think as good as you can.

The diy maniac way is a fail because you can't think to every technic context and still have time to do something great (i guess). But the "omg this shop i totally love just told me this is "insert technical unknown jargo which sounds cool" and i bought 10!!!1!" is the real hopeless guy. I would almost say trust can be addictive if you believe some people external characters. Atleast the first guy is used to think for himself and he's likely to figure out a good strategy. The second is still in the womb for all that concerns the brain.

The refusal to be randomly led is crucial.

[–]Senior ContributorNightwingTRP 164 points165 points  (14 children)

Around six weeks into a hookup relationship women start feeling self conscious about getting creamed by a dude that only sort of remembers their name.

We have to remember their names now? God dammit! This sub just keeps raising the bar.

[–]HAL-9OOO 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Nah, the food thing is great for names too. Honeycakes, peaches, pumpkin and so pork.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Call her by a different name. Then when she gives you a confused look, passionately relate a story of how you met a different girl, as if you're confusing the two of them.

Bitch'll get offended and go into competition mode right away.

[–]RedPillFusion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is grad school level dread.

Manufacturing scarcity is great routine bitch maintenance too, but is only for the sage RP man. The novice will overuse and desensitize.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (8 children)

Why not?

Every girl wants to feel special. You want to get your dick wet. It's the least you can do for them. Leave em better than you found em. Especially if they don't cross any boundaries

[–]Senior ContributorNightwingTRP 69 points70 points  (1 child)

I thought my sarcasm was obvious. I was merely enjoying GLO's usual level of entertaining writing.

[–]GrowlingBears 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Wow. You are far more generous than me. I may need to take some lessons on this subject.

[–]DisgruntledWolverine 9 points9 points [recovered]

The campsite rule, leave it better than you found it.

[–]GrowlingBears 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Oh, I thought the rule was stomp on it first then piss on it until there's no more sign of flames.

[–]DisgruntledWolverine 10 points10 points [recovered]

I hear some girls are into that.

[–]GrowlingBears 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've known a couple. It's best to master proper trussing and binding techniques before taking one on seeing as they bite and you never know if they've had al their vaccinations.

[–]inspiron3000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should also remember the name you give to women - not your real one, of course.

[–]HeatseekingLogicBomb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I preferred the good ol' days of HB#. Shit.

[–]beginner_ 34 points35 points  (2 children)

The "Let's cook dinner together" is also a great excuse (for her) to go to your place.

"I'm really only going to cook and eat there. I'm no slut."

[–]nikdahl 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I used to use the "lets bake some cookies at my house" line. It works. The best part is that you can put the cookies in the oven, turn to them and say "we have 30 minutes to kill, but I only need 10, lets go"

[–]Heathcliff-- 79 points79 points [recovered]

Good post, can't stress this enough. The standard of western woman has dropped so far nowadays that even having basic knowledge of cooking a presentable meal is impressive to them.

For women who buy all their lunches at work and spend their evenings hoodwinking a sad beta out of a free restaurant meal, showing proficiency in the kitchen is a sure way to get those panties off. Women are mesmerised by competency, show her you have a mastered skill (fix up a car, play a sport well, cook a good meal) and she'll look to you like some demigod; way above the betas who spend their weekends playing video games and ordering take out, and far far above their lazy ass dependent selves. Being able to show provider traits in a masculine way (competency) impresses the shit out the bitches.

I'm actually severely disappointed by the standard of modern woman nowadays, majority of them just don't know how to cook. Being able to feed yourself is a basic necessity and a skill you should have developed way before adulthood; how can you call yourself a functioning human adult if you can't even make a meal from scratch? Women, like children, are dependent.

You'll be astounded by how many times I've invited a potential bitchy plate to cook with me, one that already considers herself above me, has flaked before, has pegged me as beta Bux m; only to have her a horny giggling pool of teenage affection by the end of. Once she sees you know what you're doing, and you ask her to chop up an onion or whatever and she embarrassed the shit out of herself; well then she'll go to every effort to validate herself to you after that; including gargling your nutsack and eagerly swallowing the dick that's just been deep in her ass. If she can't prove herself feminine in traditional ways, she'll try her hardest to prove herself feminine in the only way she knows; with her pussy.

Never once have I not closed the deal on a plate that I've cooked with. Take the chance to "teach" the girls how to cook the meal. The masculine, fatherly guidance sets you up in a position of dominance above her right from the beginning. Bitches love being told what to do. Use the opportunity to kino the shit out of her, to make fun of her for not having basic chopping skills.

Out of all the dates I've been on, cooking dates Have had a 100% success rate.

Do not LTR a woman who does not know how to cook. Full stop. One plate pleasantly surprised me when I invited her to cook with me, she knew what she was doing, she was correcting me, we playfully argued in the kitchen, then playful argued on my bed. She was real LTR material.

[–]Appleseed12333 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Last cooking date I had, I handed the girl a sweet onion and asked her to peel and chop up the onion. Her eyes went wide as I laid the knife beside her hand. She spoke softly saying "I don't know how to do that".

Took me awhile holding back laughing in her face to realize she wasn't joking. There chicks out there that don't even know how to peel an onion for Christ sake. Didn't stop me from banging her of course, just can't date a woman that stupid.

[–]thelaptopliquidator 6 points7 points  (1 child)

""I don't know how to do that"

No shit?

I didn't know what's worse, that she didn't know how, or that she couldn't figure it out on her own when put on the spot.

[–]haxurmind 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't know what's worse, that she didn't know how, or that she couldn't figure it out on her own when put on the spot.

I'd say the latter; an inability to use the available tools to figure out how to do things would be something I'd screen out of a LTR if I was seeking such (can't do that in the safety of a kitchen then things will escalate quickly after a car accident, snakebite or many other emergency situations).

Way out of this jam:

Smartphone -> net con -> Google


[–]tehNOViCE 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent post and couldn't agree more. The standard HAS dropped for women.

Men who possess said skills, control the peaches!

[–]inspiron3000 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Learning basic cooking is no longer mandatory at school and in certain countries it could be seen as challenge to the private sector who think that the government should stay out of everything.

Learning how to flip a burger belongs to the private sector and the public purse should not be going to teach people how to compete with McD.

The efficiencies in the food industry has brought MRE, TV dinners, boil-in-a-bag, pizza ovens and Uber-delivered Chicken Tikka.

I have had colleagues who couldn't cook because their mothers did that for them until they we're old enough to go to college and order take out. Later their jobs demanded efficiencies and thus they can't even fry an egg because cereal in a box provides the go-to energy in the morning and weekend meals are taken outside.

And it's not just women.
I have male friends who marvel that I know how to make a plain white or brown sauce from scratch.

[–]KumonRoguing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With the lack of sexuality in our day to day actions all that is left is actual sex. Because they're a weird half man half woman beast throughout the day they prove they're a woman with their pussy.

[–]rubenbrasil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So is it smart to neg/tease a girl about a non-feminine trait? Tht way she hamsters and tries to prove just how feminine she could be?

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (9 children)

What if she grew up poor in America and always had to work, never had time to learn to cook well? Asking because I know someone like this and they are an amazing person, but never had a chance to be raised on that feminine silver spoon. She isn't masculine; she doesn't know how to cook.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Growing up poor should be incentive to cook. You get better meals for less. It's not an excuse

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Should be, but often times it's not. There's a reason why obesity disproportionately affects poor and poverty line folk, a $5 pizza from little caesars can feed a family for a night and takes 0 work to do, especially if you work two jobs to support your kids or something.

[–]Sementeries 12 points13 points  (6 children)

What do you mean "never had time to learn to cook," she eats doesn't she?

Don't be so generous giving people the benefit of the doubt.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

I grew up with this girl. Longtime close friend. She was poor and always ate fast-food (poor family). Miraculously she has a good body and is attractive. She just doesn't know how to cook, she is currently full-time student and part-time worker.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)


What is this?

[–]DisgruntledWolverine 1 points1 points [recovered]

Fast food is fast, and seems cheap, but if you add it up , eating it every day isn't cheap at all.

Example, I like wendy's I get the chicken sandwich combo meal. It costs 6.69 +tax more if you want the big fries and drink. with tax that usually ends up being around 7.50.

if you at that same thing for lunch every day for a month that is 250 dollars

Instead, with that 250 dollars, I bet folding money that I could grocery shop for 3 meals a day and eat like a king.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We grew up in late 90s and 2000s. McD and BK weren't that expensive back then.

[–]KCMOVIEBUFF 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The Aldi store near me in Overland Park sells whole chickens for 95 cents a pound. You can buy a 6 pound chicken for less than your chicken sandwich combo meal. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes to roast in a 350F oven, just rub some cooking oil on the skin and season it with whatever (a cheap garlic salt mix is what I use). Each leg quarter is one dinner and slice the breasts to make your own sandwiches which aren't fried. Spend a couple of bucks for veggies and your dinners are complete.

However, you cannot eat like a 'king' on $7.50 per day, but you can eat well. Food prices are just too high for kingly meals, at least for the ingredients a king would deign to eat. ;-)

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (5 children)

I am older then GLO. Married, kids, and only benching 125% of my weight with 14ish percent bodyfat.

Still, one of the most important RP lessons I learned from him was that women are children and feeding them because they are too immature/stupid/irresponsible to do this for themselves is smart.

Its not pedestalizing your bitch to whip up an omeltte or hand her a yogurt. Its smart. She will be a crabby cunt with low blood sugar and then you need to deal with that nonsense.

Feed your kids real food on a schedule and do same for your bitch. Keep them fed and happy on whole foods to avoid unnecessary meltdowns

[–][deleted] 4 points4 points

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Feeding themselves? Try talking to a girl in cardinal directions and watch their eyes glaze over. They are children, plain and simple.

[–]Pragmaticpandas 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Laughed at this one because it's true. Many an emotional moment can be avoided by putting some food in her mouth lol

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its funnier that I was a passive aggressive faggot who knew this fully yet wouldn't feed her because I thought she was an adult capable of self regulation and was just being lazy.

Now I know its just another child to manage

[–]sh0ckley 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Cooking is basically following instructions... no wonder modern western women cannot do it.

[–]franz1980 19 points20 points  (8 children)

I really should work on my cooking skills...even if just for myself.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger 36 points37 points  (3 children)

If you can't turn groceries into dinner, you're not a grown up.

Plus, a great body is 80 percent nutrition. If you aren't buying good shit and turning it into good food, you're limiting your workouts.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Fuck yes. Learn basic techniques like sautéing vegetables, mother sauces etc. and eventually your repertoire will allow you to cook with any ingredients you have to hand. A great skill to have at all times. Plus it's cheaper and much more delicious. And if you're not cooking for yourself how can you make sure you eat the right stuff for your muscle and strength?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep. This a lot. Another thing is I can't count the number of times on both hands, the compliments I have gotten on my lunch meals, by coworkers.

The funny thing is they are amazed at the meals I cook, when it's just simple things like pasta with meat (chicken, sausage or ground beef), some veggies (spinach, broccoli or brussels sprouts), some pasta sauce and parmesan cheese.

Or the other meal I tend to make for lunch, which is just chicken, pork or steak with some brown rice, some sauce (BBQ, general tsao, teriyaki, etc.) and some veggies.

Both meals are so freaking simple for me to make and are a lot cheaper, than eating out. Heating up my meals after making them takes like 1-2 minutes. I make two portions worth of meals on Sunday-Thursday night, eat one portion for dinner and the other portion is put in a gladware entree sized container and brought to work.

I use a half pound of meat with a half cup of pasta or rice for each meal, then a bit of sauce. You can find big chicken breasts for like $1.99 or $2.99 a pound. $3-4 for two meals in one day is freaking cheap.

[–]d0lphinsex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

even if just for myself

It should only be for yourself.

[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 34 points35 points  (2 children)

If you dont know how to cook, it means you don't lift. If you don't lift, you should feel great shame.


[–]DennisReynoldsAMA 7 points8 points  (1 child)

"I know how to cook a great protein shake, come over"

[–]King_dom_cum 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Dishes, that literally what women my age (mid 20s) are good for and even that's a stretch. On the otherhand teaching a women to properly dice/slice/mince anything is easy kino.

Recommendation for any young men learning to cook is a cutting board and a good set of knives. Get them sharpened ever 6 months and they'll make prepping food 10x easier.

Also learn to make sauses from scratch. I prep the base in bulk and mix up half a dozen varieties to throw over my chicken for the week.

[–]adam_varg 12 points12 points [recovered]


You need pairing and chef knife.

Best quality you can afford, aka more expensive than you think since they last couple decades.

Nothing more.

Hell even my bro who is chef doesnt use more (at home of course).

[–]PanzerBatallion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, don't buy a knife set. You don't need all that shit.

You can make a case for a fillet knife if you fish, that's about it though.

[–]almagest 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I also have a good bread knife because I make a lot of hard crusty bread, and good steak knives because why not.

[–]adam_varg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course some knives are convenient if you have regular use for them.

Hard crust bread dull blades fast as fuck.. Filleting is easier with filleting knife.. And so on.

My point is you always start building whatever with firm base. That is chef+pairing in this case. Since decent chef starts at 200$+ atleast and pairing 100$+ ...

[–]Ricardo_Machista 8 points9 points  (8 children)

we don't really care about women's problems we just want to fuck them in the pussy

Meh. It's actually only my fourth favorite hole

[–]plenty_of_eesh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let me guess..... Your gf has a glass eye and a sweet eye socket?

[–]portmantoux 1 point2 points  (3 children)

i just have ask about the rest

[–]Fedora_Tipper_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

His favorite is the nostril

[–]TRP_DarkTriad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You probably forgot the navel

[–]ZenPancakes 18 points19 points  (1 child)

My brothers, as a chef, food gets the panties off fast. I can't tell you how much being able to cook pays off.

One of my best lines when I was single was, "I can touch you in ways no other guy can", then proceed to blow their fucking minds with flavors, texture and aromas, and afterwards, have them blowing me.


[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do you have any impressive recipes to share? Personally, I'm most into either quick and simple, yet still delicious meals, or on the other extreme, molecular cooking that one can still do with home equipment.

[–]iam-mike 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I really don't like the fact that you have to have cookie cutter dates just in order to power-play women. I would be bored around dinner date 2.

Since she came to your house, she already wants you on some level, so all this can be also done very differently.

Captain/first mate in your house

You just chill in your house and do whatever the fuck you want to do and also have her come along for the ride. Watch a movie? Smoke up and have her listen to the whole pink floyd "The wall"? Fuck yeah, she's in for a treat. Want to cook? SURE THING, go do that, have her help.

Can she munch on your snacks? HELL YEAH, but tease her for all the calories and how will she undress for you later if she keeps on eating like that?

You pay for the food, so it's her job to go get it from wherever it is and serve it to you and she can have a side. Tease her for whatever she does incorrectly or insecurely. She asks with a trembling voice, lost in the woods of your kitchen, "where do you keep the plates?". Resist the urge to reply with "well, you for one are here, the others I don't know and don't care." Instead you can go with something like "Basic bitch, they're in the cupboard over the sink of course. And return quickly, I unpaused the movie already, this shit's so intense."

If you both eat at the same time, you just take a big chunk out of her food and stuff it in your face. She can go grab more, whatever, it's your food anyway.

She learns the whereabouts of your kitchen, and you should always act like she should already know them. That's her domain. Have her fill the bottles of water you keep in the fridge during the summer because she removed the last 2 ones - and you drank them of course, but that's another story.

Also don't forget to reward her from time to time when she gets up to go get stuff. Compliments on the way she walks, slaps on the butt, grabbing her to return for a kiss, all are appropriate depending on your current relationship. Have you fucked? anything goes. Have you not? Good chance to escalate maybe. Appreciate all her effort and express to her how contended you are. Tell her how natural it feels when she treats you like a king while you sit back and relax from all the gym time you're been putting in. Remind her you treat her like a queen too, look at all the shit you have in the cupboard for her to eat.

edit forgot my favorite one: From the 2nd time and after she says she is going to the WC (for some reason girls always seem to announce this), you can go like "WTF, AGAIN?" and just hold a frustrated and weirded out look like something super fishy is going on. Nothing more hilarious than girls apologizing for their bodily needs.

These are not universal advice though and it all comes down to calibration. Just giving out an idea of my version of date nights inside the house. Also, this all sets a good precedent for her going in your kitchen and doing housework. Throwing out subtle hints about doing the dishes should come natural and easy.

[–]RedPistola 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I found this comment hilarious. Consider writing a post

[–]SYL3NZR 10 points11 points  (6 children)

The afterwards breakfast is a real cool idea, especially if it looks like she enjoys herself. But couldn't she just say "she played along" because she didn't feel safe / didn't dare leaving the house because you already "raped" her and could use more physical violence?

[–]Limekill 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Most rapists I personally know don't cook their girls Eggs Benedict with Crispy Parma Ham.

But hey you can always become the "breakfast rapist".

[–]Entrefut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what all the pictures for "instagram" are for.

[–]LarParWar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Despite the propaganda, a false rape accusation is unlikely to happen to you. The powers that be simply want to intimidate you, want to emasculate men more that they already are.

[–]allrandomworldnews 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she can't spin the entire encounter with you around to be a bad experience in her head she won't fuck you up because IT FEELZ WRONG

[–]TommyTheThird 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for actually linking to some recipes on YouTube. Need more of this. Trp promotes lifting, but not enough on the other side of the coin, cooking

[–]DarkisKnight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also known as the poor musician/artist's way to get laid for under $20. Out of necessity I've used this technique many times to get laid by bitches. Literally couldn't afford to wine and dine bitches so I had them over for dinner. I would instruct them on how to help me prepare the food I was making. Nothing like leading in the kitchen to judo throw the female hamster into blissful submission. Lovely post as always.

[–]Hjalmbere 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I started out dating in the 80s women still liked cooking for their men. Nowadays I see a lot of younger women who brag about being useless in the kitchen. I don't find it even remotely funny. For me it's a total deal breaker for anything beyond a ONS.

[–]Prophets_Prey 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Learn the difference between the words 'affect' and 'effect'.

[–]30fretibanezguy 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Ive been wanting to get more into cooking basic meals that really impress people/women. Any more youtube links for other little meals like that?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Chef john on foodwishes is pretty good. 7 years, 3 days a week of stuff. Literally everything you would want, and none of it is too hard to get.

Sure, he uses creme fresh a lot, but you learn how to make it as well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hell yes.

His Souffle Grand Marnier is great, and the video will leave you in stitches.

He knows what's up.

[–]adam_varg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its quite easy if you want it to be.

Master cook can make great food from shitty ingrediences.

You arent one so always buy best you can. Then follow recipe. If you want to make it to next level learn to arrange it.

My favourite is: Caprese salad (15 min) Beef steak with asparagus (30min cleaning included) Cheesecake made from mascarpone+riccota (!) with cashew bottom and pomegranate topping (= squeezed juice + sugar + jelly boil for few minutes) (60min cleaning included and she gonna be yapping about this one for years)

No skills needed, google up and use first recipe you find (just switch ingrediences for cheesecake) basic utensils. Even if you need to buy utensils it will be price of mcdonald dinner. If you manage to arrange it well on nice dishware its on par with fanciest restaurant you can realisticaly afford.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Way back when we had to get advice like this from Playboy, there was an article on 19 ways to get her panties off. One was cooking....specifically, one guy had a secret recipe he actually called "Chicken Take Her Panties Off."

Cooking's awesome! Other benefits:

1) Women who are out take care of someone see you have your shit together (Important for us older guys)

2) You save money and control calories by cooking your own food day to day.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bravo, quality entertainment read.

[–]Moneyley 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bitches love brunch, talk about activating her feels. While this sub had mainly shunned dudes for paying meals for women. I always sided with gaylube on this. Its a miniature investment to protect you long term. Since the rape culture started gaining steam I decided it was time to give the women I slept with tidbits of the feels given to them by betas (you know, providers). I'll take a good smash and fork out some cash for brunch and all parties leave satisfied. You see, the same reason women consider changing a ONS into a rape is because, as Gaylube said, they dont want to be seen or felt as an object to their friends. You have to understand that post date she has two options: 1. So Whitney, I have to tell you that I slept with this dude last night, I dont know how. He didnt even seem that attractive to me when I left this morning. Whitney "girl hey may have raped you for all we know, slipped something into your drink, did you drink with him?" ...guess what can happen to you now.

Option 2, you sleep with her, have an amazing sex romp. "Hey my friend knows the boss at (so and so brunch restaurant) join me for some fuckin mimosas or whatever the fuck yall girls like doing on sunday mornings" I like having my connections set up, I tip well at places that treat me well then I take women to those same restaurants. Beautiful waitresses greet me with "Hi Mr. Mexthundercock" if you have your ONS with you this is extra points, she hamsts "well everybody thinks he's cool so what I did last night was great" As a salesman, I've always wanted to secure commissions. Commissions are ongoing payments that pay even after the sale. Investing in brunch will give you female commissions. There's a difference between pre and post. I still stand by not paying for women on first 3 dates unless they put out, I dont buy drinks to lead me to bed. But I buy drinks and brunch as a reward mechanism and to create a post fuck bond.

[–]Project_Thor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is the opposite of my problem, I'm looking to get free food for a fuck. My SMV is high enough as it's happened before (Milf's usually) How do I capitalize on this more?

[–]TelemachusRising 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Am I the only one who copied the "I'm a real spontaneous guy..." line word for word into his notes for later use? Hahaha. Pure gold.

[–]slothsenpai 2 points3 points  (1 child)

What if you still live with your parents? Then you're basically fucked in the bring her over to cook and eat part. However, it's usually the other way round with older women (gen-x/babyboomer kind) who actually make an effort to cook for you. And that's the way it should be in my books. I honestly can't stand most millennial girls and their stupid Snapchat dog filters.

[–]TyrannyVengeance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the greatest fucking post ever.

[–]DisgruntledWolverine 2 points2 points [recovered]

"You can do this with whipped cream, or icecream, just put a little in them holes"

[–]Submissively_yours 1 point2 points  (1 child)

But real talk don't put sugar in a vagina you intend to hook up with any time soon. Bacteria like sugar. Bacteria get smelly, and itchy.

[–]The_Dank_Astero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GLO Jukes Feminists Yet Again!

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]FlamingDogPoop 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Slickest shit I ever pulled:

Took her over to mom's day care to play with babies Then we made dinner together

After the meal her exact quote was "My ovaries are on fire" then she sucked my face.

Put it in her butt later. There was no tree to bark up that time.

[–]DennisReynoldsAMA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You took her to a day care? Elaborate with details

[–]inspiron3000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The hottest bitches are usually the dumbest. They have no interest in abstract concepts. They won't comprehend your jokes and will resent you for confusing them.

Truth here.
Jessica Simpson proved it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h72aXVP8o

[–]GreatWhiteCuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a master bbq meat manipulator. Feeding them then sexing them is the natural order

[–]sincerely_beta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You, sir, are a funny fucker.

[–]scrodzilla 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Breakfast makes her feel almost like a real person instead of some Gymbro's slam hog.

This is why GLO is the MVP of this sub. Great advice that makes you crack up.

[–]ZenPancakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where do you feel you can improve on? If you're happy where you're at, and others like you're cooks, then instead of recipes I can give you ingredients and technique. Or if you're more comfortable with just following the set list, I can do that too.

How long have you been cooking for you/family/whomever? What do you feel you cook best? Does it make you remember something or invoke some sort of feeling? That's how to floor someone, hell most anyone, with food.

Only reason I'm putting it back on you to gauge is because everyone has their way of doing, ya know? I can give it to you however you like (heh! That's what she said ammirite?)

[–]Walt- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing short of literal gold.

[–]Luckyluke23 0 points1 point  (1 child)

bro those eggs look SO GOOD i don't even care if a bitch is with me... shit...

great post as always man!

[–]DennisReynoldsAMA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't call the vagina person a bitch you misogynist

[–]DennisReynoldsAMA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only thing I know how to cook is a 1,000 calorie protein shake, would this work bro?

[–]Mckallidon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So what I got from this is that bitches need to be chained back to the stove and it'll solve all of our problems.

[–]ChadThundercockII 0 points1 point  (0 children)

vagina person

holy shiiiit! that was poetic duuuude.

[–]aherne18 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Photograph her whore face next to your beautiful Benedict

Loved that:)

A couple of years ago I dated a girl who was much more attractive than she looked like. After a week of escalation she suddenly discovered "I'm not that type of girl" and flat out refused sex. My first thought was "maybe" she was fucking other guys so she had that part covered, so I gave her one last chance and invited her home to taste one of my delightful cookies.

She reluctantly agreed and the moment she entered my house I invaded her precious privacy and didn't behave like the beta bucks she expected me to. Maybe I was thirsty but she was so filled with sexual energy that I couldn't stand not trying to taste some of it. In the end though, as I expected, she adamantly refused anything I had on the offer except... my fucking cookies.

"So where are the cookies?" she asked. WTF!!! "Ok then, let's make the cookies!" As I started making the dough I noticed she sat there like a lazy-ass bitch waiting something for nothing, so I told her: "Have you come here to witness me? Get up and start helping!". I don't remember the exact words, they weren't particularly aggressive, just commending. She looked into my eyes and saw steely resolve, then reluctantly obeyed. She didn't know shit, but at least she was good at washing dishes and mopping the floor afterwards. In the end she earned her cookies so I decided to give her a significant piece for family as well, but she vehemently refused (stupid! the cookie was delicious). She DEFINITELY didn't like how it ended (tried to placate me on multiple occasions), but I didn't like being refused either (especially the way she did: as if a cockroach was walking all over her).

I actually took a picture in those last moment as she was sitting with a body language that shows subjection (just her lower body and the cookie), waiting for her cookie share (only ate it here). I don't know if it's allowed to post pictures here, but I think I can find it...

[–]sir_wankalot_here -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Your pushing the envelope too far bro 😃

[–]Areu4realm8 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

your writing style is so cringy and try hard. please dont give this sub more loser vibe than it has. write clear and professionally.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm just here for the food