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Why do I always become unattracted to women once they're into me? (self.asktrp)

submitted by BernaySaynders

This has been a recurring thing for me and is super frustrating. Anyone got any rationale that can explain this?


[–]TheLongerCon74 points75 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Other's have noted this is typical of people to want what they can't have yadada.

But I think there's something else you should take from this...note that feeling of the sudden loss of attraction and remember that exactly what women feel when you pull some beta shit.

[–]SuperCrazy0712 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

note that feeling of the sudden loss of attraction and remember that exactly what women feel when you pull some beta shit.

This is an excellent point. I hadn't thought of it, but will remember.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean by this? Like how in context of women?

[–]TheLongerCon13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m assuming you were into these women at one point, and once you say that they were into you that attraction died abruptly.

This sudden loss of attractiveness is how women feel when you exhibit beta traits, it’s the mind way of telling them that they could do better.

So next time you, or anyone reading this thinks about slipping back into their beta ways, remember the feeling you had, and know that’s exactly what women will feel if you slip up

[–]Joehogans2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

it’s the mind way of telling them that they could do better.

Yes.. that clears a lot up. Beta is a way of telling them they can do better.

[–]Joehogans2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He probably came off as needy, clingy, desperate. He either did something verbal or non-verbally that gave them the queue to exit.

[–]rijeka10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Usually what are the things people do which fall into this category?

[–]not-hardly3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's no chase.

[–]1kick6113 points114 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

Because you know you’re fucked up, and if they can like something fucked up, you’re disgusted.

Try not being fucked up.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 15 points16 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

Uh ok.

[–]1kick638 points39 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

Seriously. It’s the “Why does she like me? I don’t even like me” problem. Why aren’t you worth liking?

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 5 points6 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

I disagree with that. I objectively have a lot more going for me than a vast majority of dudes. Maybe I don't believe that deep down. You put this in better words though the second time and it makes more sense now.

[–]1kick611 points12 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Liking yourself is very subjective. The objectives may not matter at all.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 5 points6 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

God damnit you keep getting wiser. Got any advice to curb that kind of thinking?

[–]1kick612 points13 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

If you’re still in the “fake it til you make it” stage of internalizing red pill behaviors it’s quite hard because you KNOW you’re faking it. However, there are things about you that are true, and that you’re proficient at, and even if those things have nothing to do with your game, you gotta remind yourself of them, and remind yourself that mastery of all things (except world of Warcraft) is attractive.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100% still in fake it till you make it. However I've had quantifiable success doing so. I think having some reminders of what I'm good at would help. Thanks!

[–]jackandjill221 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like the "Madonna-whore" complex.

[–]1kick60 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy Link

I don’t see the similarities, please elaborate.

[–]jackandjill224 points5 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Text book case. It's cognitive dissonance arising from his disdain from them. When he meets them their image/appearances untarnished. Since he views himself as someone "slummy/low" when they start revealing their "true colors/nature"(i.e. Thotts).

His unconscious goes, "Yuck, what a low quality girl, if she was decent she wouldn't be into me" is turned off.

[–]5beams50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Much this.

[–]420chiefofZEP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck.

[–]Joehogans-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's true. There has to be something about him they are DISCOVERING that they don't like, lose interest and on to the next guy.. aka poor, personality issues, something physical, other.

[–]jay_jay_man20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Having is not as pleasing as wanting.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Real wise words there 👍

[–]RAiderNat8813 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They're no longer a challenge

[–]h4nkz25 points26 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Humans always want what they cannot get. I bet if they show signs of desinterest, you'd suddenly want them

[–]notgaythrowaway2 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Ex wife wouldn’t give me the time of day, I wanted her so badly, I loved her more and more, it turned into something severely abusive where I became an empty sack of meat. She wasn’t even that pretty.

New girl is insanely hot, likes me a lot and treats me great. I don’t like her as much as my abusive ex wife.

[–]Random_throwaway_000 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

After you swallow the pill, you won't like women as much as you use to.

[–]Yoasted5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sad truth

[–]Joehogans1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah human psychology gotta love it!

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

That makes a lot of sense. Appreciate it. Any thoughts of how I can curb this quality?

[–]h4nkz3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Usually this is a sign that you seek approval because you lack confidence. Figure out why you want these girls and what exactly you want from them.

[–]Radinax2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What if I want them just to show off value and power to everyone else? What it say about me? How fucked up am I?

[–]DJVendetta 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Just means you're narcissistic

[–]Radinax0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Phew thats good.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is good insight. I definitely enjoy the thrill of the chase.

[–]IronJohnKwando6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I can relate. Get into therapy for it and unpack it. Helped me out. Could be deeper issues at work (abandonment, boundaries, self-validation, mommy issues, etc.) Or it could just be that you're going for women you don't actually want, and you don't realize it until you have them.

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Did you get into therapy? If so, how'd it go?

[–]Ricklogical 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I haven't gone myself, but if you can afford to give it a shot, most people I have spoken to about going to therapy report they have gotten something great out of it.

They are professionals with no emotional ties to you that look at your life from an objective standpoint and lead you through your own thinking processes and patterns to untangle knots that have been there through your life.

You might be totally blind to some things that they point out on the first day, or a week or two in.

[–]Joehogans1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seriously good advice. Untangle the knots that you are unable to see in your own life. These people can serve as a way for to make breakthroughs in your life. But of course you have to open the doors and make it happen. Therapy I've heard nothing but good things about. Helps you everything off your chest, especially if you don't have many people to talk to.

[–]rijeka10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is there a book I can read about this? Or conduct self therapy?

[–]IronJohnKwando1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

yes, and it was worth it. Helped me more in hindsight than I realized at the time. I carried a lot of childhood BS into my adult life. I still do a lot of self-work to process it when it comes up. Life-long process, I'm sure.

[–]Joehogans0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am considering this. I know I have some child BS too. And want to understand it better. Some things I never truly got past and moved on from. Could you help me understand how you went about it? I've been accepting mediocracy and sub-par from my life. I allow people to keep talking to me disrespectful/take my energy, and have been for most of my life and I am tired of it. The bullies from my childhood are now the managers and co-workers at my job. It hasn't stopped. And then there is women who I have no success with. I want to understand why I allow this (and hate myself have no self-confidence).

[–]Duzand4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Usually some fucked up psychological thing. Like you think you're unworthy or something like that.

[–]ShotgunTRP4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some dudes love the thrill of the chase

Do what makes you happy

[–]BernaySaynders[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For sure. But I guess the thrill of the chase is kinda pointless with nothing to chase to. It's a bit of a catch 22

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have a guy like me as a member."

[–]no_condoments2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Question: do you become I'm attracted after you know they are into you or after you have sex with them. Very big difference.

[–]Joehogans1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It happens to me too. I hook them in with some interest and eventually it falls, maybe in a few weeks. Others in a few days. They lose interest. It's like a normal curve on a graph. It rises then peak then declines. It does just stay steady, always that pattern it seems. Think as they find out more about you you may be revealing things to them they don't like. Remember less is better. The less they know about you the better.

[–]Cardonish1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. Thrill of the chase. Lesson - don't get oneitis. It's a fantasy.
  2. You want what you can't have. Lesson - if you give yourself to a woman, she won't want you either.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've always had this too.

I've never really delved into exploring the underlying psychological reason behind this since I've always seen it as a benefit, it keeps me from remaining in stagnant relationships.

Conquer, plate, and move on.

[–]DarkWhale___0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You’re probably pursuing the wrong women. This behavior is typical of women on the CC. Going after guys with only one quality or a few that produce tingles. Then growing bored after realizing what should have been evident from the start. That this person,in their totality, is not a great person for them.

Contrary to AWALT, not all women are equal.

[–]MusicSports1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Contrary to AWALT, not all women are equal.

This is more parallel to AWALT rather than contrary. AWALT is in regards to basic biological and instinctual nature but there's definitely hotter women who behave differently for different men and are mentally comfortable with submissiveness.

[–]thr0wed_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I usually lose interest with 99% of women once I bang a few times

Not even interested in the sex anymore, on to the next one....

I personally think all of this is tied to how we as men are biologically wired. it's not secret biologically we're wired to spread our seed as far & as often as possible. so I think naturally we get (at least for me) "disgusted" by these hoes after a few times and it's time for the next seed spreading event.

[–]catalisto0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Could be you have standards. Or could be you thought they had standards and lowered their SMV when you realized they would be into a guy like you.

[–]kendallb1830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The brains release of dopamine at orgasm is correlated with the perceived value of a partner in relation to yourself. This shows a clear relationship between the brains reward mechanisms and rather you find a person more attractive than you. Attention disorders are usually related to dopamine as well. People with add or adhd are much more likely to end up in divorce and usually because they lost interest or the spark in the relationship as they do with everything else.

This is all said to demonstrate that as you see someone as lesser than yourself SMV, either your perception of their SMV dropped or yours of your own was raised, your brain rewards you less and you are no longer driven to seek them out like you would be emotionally pulled toward anything else addicting due to reward pathways. Instead it takes thought, even effort to seek them out.

You have to use logic and decision making to retain them, no longer having this great dopamine release to keep you emotionally enjoying and resultingly seeking out the relationship

[–]Zormutoid0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mostly because you are used to that no good woman is going to feel truly attracted to you. So when they are - your subconsciousness tells you that they are fucking crazy.

On a serious note tho, take it easy. Learn how to enjoy having fun with women.

[–]VeeGeeTea-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you sure that is the case and not the fact that you're secretly attracted to men? 😁😜

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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