This is the eve of my 30th birthday. This post is my birthday gift to the men of TRP who have given me so much. Your author was a timid boy. Even going to the grocery store has caused considerable anxiety at times in his life. At 30, he is not at all a timid man. What follows is the catalyst for that transformation:
1) HOW YOU SPEAK TO YOURSELF IS THE CORE OF ANTIFRAGILITY.
You’ve been beating yourself up for decades. Every little mis-step is cause for intense self-hatred; every stutter brings an avalanche of shame. Is it any wonder that you’re constantly afraid when you’ve subjected yourself to such Pavlovian conditioning? From here on out you incentivize yourself to take calculated risks. This means always congratulating yourself when you fail.
2) ONE STEP FURTHER: FAILURE IS YOUR FRIEND.
The next time you fail with a woman (or in any endeavor) you should feel EXCELLENT. Not just OK, but GREAT. If you’re not failing then you’re not pushing the limit. In order to get the opposite of the results you got in the past, you need to feel the opposite emotions. Do this until you look at failure like a daily mulitvitamin. Every failure is an opportunity for you to treat yourself well and thereby increase your future appetite for risk.
It does not matter what level you are operating on or how badly you have failed.
Do not hesitate. Forgive your failures immediately. Permanently. Profoundly.
3) NEUTER YOUR FEAR: EMBRACE OUTLANDISH AND UNLIKELY HUMILIATIONS
Suicide is probably the way I’ll go. Humiliation is bound to come. Loneliness and pain are a given part of a healthy life. Meditate on deep fears and practice embracing those fears. This is akin to the baseball practice of swinging the bat with a weight donut before stepping up to the plate.
4) ELIMINATE INTERNAL BLOCKS CAUSED BY PAST VIOLATIONS OF THESE RULES
Any deep emotions you felt in the past are going to manifest themselves in your life today. When you have spent decades wiring yourself wrong, it can take intense reflection to identify and eliminate these hang-ups. Your limiting beliefs can even take the form of mental images, people, songs, movies, or phrases. Anything tied to emotion can be an BP Anchor. Conduct an inquisition. Meditate daily.
Now that you’ve dealt with failure – Only now you are prepared to deal with success. TRP will change the way people look at you. This process will change the way you look at yourself.
When you begin challenging yourself to fail… THAT is when you’ve already won.
This is the way of the Antifragile man.