FR: Took the plunge, broke up with BPD girlfriend (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]


[–][deleted] 288 points289 points  (29 children)

attempted to swallow pills before

Been there.

threatened to hurt herself


I want to believe everything I did was the right thing

Me too, but I felt terrible. So I went back, caught her cheating and then she tried to shoot me. Enter my restraining order against her ...soooo, look, it never gets better. The only period of time where its nice is when they know you are leaving, then back to crazy when they got you hooked.

They don't know how to be positive, only act it for a time. They only know how to turn up the crazy. It will never get better. Don't feel guilty, be busy.

[–]Aarxnw 63 points64 points  (10 children)

The only time I've ever considered hurting a girl is during my relationship with my BPD ex girlfriend, they're the vilest type of woman and they drag you right down into the depths of their crazy, AKA hell. I could rant for ages. I can't believe I was falling for all her tricks, worst experience of my life -1/10 would never fall for again.

[–]Returnofthemack3 18 points19 points  (3 children)

dude people have to go to therapy after dealing with bpd family members, friends, sig others...they're the worst fuckers around. Any cluster b personality disorder= run far away imho. It's a shame, you can feel pity, but they're going down whether your go down with them or not. Better to spare one life than waste two.

[–]Aarxnw 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I have way too much pride to go to therapy, I probably need it, though, my ego took a pretty big blow and my confidence is at an all-time low.

I didn't know about cluster b personalities while I was with her, I didn't even know BPD existed lol, now that I know I'll be running for the hills next time, I'd still rather have never encountered one, though. Another thing is the non-manipulative, non-psychopathic BPD people tend to sympathize for the psycho ones and end up siding with them, so they will take offense to anyone that characterizes sufferers of BPD as manipulators and psychopaths, it's quite a toxic disorder in all aspects.

The only actual good she did for my life was unintentionally lead me here :), thank you T much love bb <3

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Another thing is the non-manipulative, non-psychopathic BPD people tend to sympathize for the psycho ones and end up siding with them, so they will take offense to anyone that profiles sufferers of BPD as manipulators and psychopaths, it's quite a toxic disorder in all aspects.

So, basically how women generally operate when you have labeled the group they belong to as undatable.

[–]Oakley_Boy1030 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I'm sorry I'm new to the community. Is there a way I can get a run down on the acronyms used in TRP? For example, what's "BPD"

[–]Aarxnw 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Read through this a couple times: http://a.trp.red/terms and refer back to it every couple of days until you feel comfortable with all the terms, as well as whenever you see a term that you don't know. Most of the time they will be listed there, if not someone in the thread should tell you if you ask.

BPD is not actually a red pill acronym, it's an acronym for the mental disorder; Borderline Personality Disorder, part of the cluster B personality disorders AKA you encounter one, you run for the hills. Probably the scariest type of girl you could ever encounter, there are plenty of telltale signs, it's not a rare disorder but it's not overly common, look up the symptoms of BPD and that should give you enough information to allow you to steer clear, hopefully you won't encounter any of the nasty ones, but just to be sure, it's a good idea to avoid any person diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder as it's not possible to tell the difference between the psychotic ones and the one's that are managing it. Good luck buddy!

[–]ek1995 22 points23 points  (9 children)

Tried to SHOOT you? I wouldn't be surprised at all if she has tried multiple times to violate the order.

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (7 children)

Yeah. With a chrome plated Charter Arms .38 special with pearl handles. Daddy's gift for his little girl.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (6 children)

Well at least it was a purdy lookin gun.

[–]SonsOfRome 13 points14 points  (4 children)

I mean if I HAD to get shot I'd rather get shot with a really nice gun rather than some Saturday Night Special

[–]fraud_93 7 points8 points  (3 children)

I would go with the smaller caliber as possible, but if you don't mind getting shot by a pink .50, good...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Well then you'll be happy to know the first round was a plastic cap with three ballbarings in it. Daddy wanted to spare her from actually killing a man, so his advice was to shoot him in the leg.

And it fucks with me still. I just know she would have put that round in my gut. For a long time I just said that's based off of absolutely nothing.

But I know the truth. It would just be to watch me suffer.

[–]fraud_93 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My advice for anybody who is in a relationship with a cunt like that, is to empty the gun in case you know about it. Luckily all the girls I've been with, hates all my hobbies, so no guns, bikes and beer.

[–]1sailorJery 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Makes sense. You don't leave a loaded gun around children and women are only ever the most mature teenager in the room.

[–]tehwankingwalruses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankfully by the sounds of it she didn't know how to use/aim it.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

This man, they fucking act so sweet to get you back. These BPD girls will never change.

[–]Returnofthemack3 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Every bpd chick ive ever known cheated on their man lol. and not just once either, like serial cheating with random ass dudes, and some not so random. Despicable humans. Have sympathy, sure, but steer clear if you value your mental sanity

edit: and what's so utterly devastating about getting cheated on by a bpd chick is the amount of pain and suffering you go through for her sake; the sacrifices you make, which ultmately are all for naught. She wont stay loyal to you no matter what, because she's literally incapable of higher virtue. I know we say awalt, but for bpd people it goes far beyond that...they're just fundamentally broken humans and there's no fix available. I know you hear some miracle stories of dialectical behavorial therapy helping a few of them, but im still unconvinced . Ive seen these people go through every medication and therpist with nothing, i mean nothing, change. They're the worst humans around lol, i pity them

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know we say awalt, but for bpd people it goes far beyond that...they're just fundamentally broken humans and there's no fix available.

That's why you don't deal with crazies, no matter how great they are at appealing to one's protective instinct, or at guilt-tripping.

[–]ifeelbadbad 134 points134 points [recovered]

"Moments later her parents and my mom are shitting on me and trying to talk some sense into me"

I have a problem with this kind of behaviour. Are those people even trying to understand what you want?

[–]RPSigmaStigma 88 points89 points  (9 children)

It's a very real problem. Victims of gaslighting often report the same kind of disbelief from the people around them, because the abuser is so good at managing their image and the opinions of others that no one wants to believe that they could be capable of the kind of abuse their victims report. There's no winning in this situation unless you can utterly destroy their reputation with hard evidence, which can be difficult to get.

OP, the worst thing you can do is to go around DEERing (defend, explain, excuse, and rationalize) to your friends and family. Just stick with the story that it wasn't working out and you had to leave. Accept the possibility that they might never believe you. Then find a good male therapist who has experience dealing with BPD abuse.

[–]vorverk 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Read this 100 times. Do not explain. "It just didn't work out". That's all you need to say. Every subquestion or explanation is going to dig your hole deeper and bring 100 new questions and make everything a mess.

You pulled the plug. Now let the shit dry up and don't ever poke it with a stick just to see how dry it is. It will just stink more, so just leave it.

[–]bigk12345 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Listen to this guy.

Talk to therapist if you have to.

Even your trusted friends, parents most likely will not understand the situation. Most do not even know what BPD is.

They will laugh at you when you will say you two are broken up if you mention what you went through.

"Oh no, she is an angel. She could never do that. She is just a woman".

That is just the default response and when you, as a guy, mention that you were abused, they will think it is a joke.

Time to move on. Keep yourself occupied. Way to DTB.

As a guy nearing 30s who went through the same shit (minus threats) you are lucky you dealt with this early and will be able to move on in life .

[–]yomo86 13 points14 points  (1 child)

On a side note for those interested in DEERing. As a lawyer and from my personal experience: most relatives, people of influence, employers etc. are very prone to authorities, if you can afford it, get a restraining order and every time this shit comes up just say she is a liar and you got a restraining order - nobody puts their reputation on the line for gossip/advice when real (legal) repercussions are involved imagined or otherwise.

[–]RPSigmaStigma 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good point. Officialdom has huge psychological implications.

[–]harsha_hs 5 points6 points  (3 children)

OP, the worst thing you can do is to go around DEERing (defend, explain, excuse, and rationalize) to your friends and family. Just stick with the story that it wasn't working out and you had to leave. Accept the possibility that they might never believe you. Then find a good male therapist who has experience dealing with BPD abuse.

This is best advice ever, I have been in similar situation and even my mom and sister try to talk some sense to me and I try to DEER and it's waste of time and very disappointing. Only words that should come from your mouth should be 'it wasn't working out and I had to leave'

Spend sometime alone if you can. If that doesn't help, consult therapist. If you are getting anger surges, hit gym, lift weights.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Only words that should come from your mouth should be 'it wasn't working out and I had to leave'

It's funny how easy things can be if you just use the way out women usually take.

I think a problem plenty of TRP guys is that they have a very technical idea of how to deal with problems - that anything should have a valid reason, anything can (and must) be explained, that you can reliably get result A by doing B etc. However, when it comes to relationships, this flies right into our faces: you can't debate your way into a relationship, and you shouldn't argue your way out of one either.

I know very good where especially the latter desire is coming from: you want to justify yourself, you want to demonstrate to everyone that you had rational reasons that led you to your decision... however, the problem is that in a feminized environment, rational reasons are verboten when it comes to the subject of romance: She won't accept that leaving her is a rational decision, and neither will her entourage. And well-founded arguments won't help you because they can be rejected, broken down, disassembled, and ultimately refuted.

However, if you just use an emotional reason ("it just didn't work out, I don't feel that way for her anymore yadda yadda yadda"), you're far more likely to get into the clear, because it's hard to argue that was someone is feeling is wrong. Also, it's easier to turn around the tables if someone tries to guilt-trip you in spite of your open admission of unhappiness ("what, I should stick to her despite me not loving her anymore? Why do you insist that I make myself unhappy?").

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I wish there was a way to make it palatable to the guys who have always taken the defend, explain, excuse and rationalise road.

I guess you have to have done it at least once (no explaining) to see the beauty in it.

[–]281threethreeoh8004 22 points22 points [recovered]

This is my biggest issue. Half of the people in this equation who are supposed to be supporting him are taking her side, and for what reason other than she's an emotional wreck?

[–]babybopp 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Manipulation at its best. These girls are goid at hiding the crazy and do not show their crazy in front of family and friends until they have bagged and ringed the beta. Then it comes out.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I feel this. Went through similar experiences dating a girl like this minus the pill taking add some cheating and just blatant disrespect. even my own family was quick to jump on my case about it.

My mom would say I had jealousy issues cause I wasnt cool with her hanging out with some dude who wanted to get in her panties and gave her free molly.

My dad said it was due to the fact I wasnt good enough and she was gonna find a new guy to knock her up.

Not once did my family say "yeah shes a little nutty. Maybe it's time to break up"... then again both my parents have never been in a healthy relationship so they dont know any better.

[–]TMarizzle 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I feel like the family/friends (mainly family tho) is the worst part of a breakup. I have been lucky in that most of my relationships ended amicably, but the few that didn't...it was better just to avoid everyone for a while. You would think your own family would take your side and respect your decision, but that would just be too damn rational wouldn't it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, to be fair, I was beta AF at the time and generally had NOTHING going for me other than the fact that I had a job (dead end job in a restaurant should I say..) and could pay my bills.

But it's not like I was an abusive control freak or something. I just didn't want my girlfriend doing drugs with dudes who were encouraging her to cheat and leave me. How am I supposed to "trust" someone like that? I even hear women say "trust but verify" in situations like that.. But then again, solipsism.

[–]joeyjoejoe_7 197 points198 points  (8 children)

Um, she THREATENED SUICIDE. How are you even questioning this?

[–]Pwnemon 95 points96 points  (0 children)

to clarify: she threatened suicide, so she's willing to manipulate and control you and is a danger to your health. you did the right thing

[–]JustWanderful 22 points23 points  (1 child)


Block all contact with her now!

If she manages to contact you again and actually MENTIONS suicide, you should immediately call 911. The police will evaluate the situation and determine if the situation is serious.

If she's serious and you do nothing, you’ll never forgive yourself. Calling the police shows you care enough to do something, but that you’re not responsible for her actions.

If she isn't serious and it's a ruse, she'll quickly learn not to use the suicide card again.

Calling the police also serves another extremely important function. After you speak to the police, giving your side and telling about her behavior, if it escalates (stalking, threats, violence, etc.), the police have a record of her instability. This will prove invaluable if the police are needed again at a later date.

Either way, it's the proper response, and you’re free to get on with your life.

[–]fflando 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, zero contact is paramount to your safety, both mental and physical. Don't give her a fucking second to try to reel you back in. My BPD ex pulled the suicide stunt trying to get me to come back home, and the mandatory hospital stay she'll get after you call 911 affords you a little time to go get your stuff.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

A drug can have you acting on your emotions before logic. Some of the more poisonous ones are really good at removing logic entirely.

[–]caleyjag 3 points3 points [recovered]

I had this and in the end it was the reason I broke it off.....but for a short while I tried to brush it under the carpet. Idiot.

[–]joeyjoejoe_7 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Were you the OP? The OPost was deleted so I'm not sure. But I should have been more measured in my comment of "how are you questioning this?" Or whatever. My point was that when someone threatens to kill themselves if you do or don't do something that is a form of emotional abuse. Here's why. They are 1) trying to control your personal decision without regard to your welfare and better judgment: 2) they are doing so, not by evidence and rational argument, but by outrageous appeals to your sense of guilt (i.e., that you'll be the cause of her death) AND your sense of ego (I.e., that you are so damn amazing that you cause this person to base their existence on your mere presence.

Both of these arguments are complete nonsense and only work if you have failed to create and uphold healthy social boundaries. An example of which is, no, you are not responsible in ANY circumstance whatsoever for her, or anyone else for that matter, deciding to killer herself. If she can't deal with the tough shit that life throws at her that's on her, and her immediate family, but mostly her. You have your own problems and at no point have you promised to solve all her problems. And also, no, you are not so amazing to be around as to cause someone to lose all control and self destruct simple do to your absence.

My guess is that you're generally an honest, good, well-meaning guy that really wants to help people and follow your personal moral compass. That's very noble. And if I'm right I hope you succeed. But it also makes you vulnerable because it's very common, and maybe human nature, to assume that others think like you, share your general sense of morality, would help you if the tables were turned, etc. many good, intelligent people fall into this type of thinking simply because deceit, manipulation, covert selfishness, abuse, etc., are so foreign to their way of thinking, there view that others are just as important as they are, and the view that morality is a natural vehicle to personal satisfaction, confidence, and happiness, etc. As a result, when she does something like threaten to kill herself, you get a mix of emotions that likely include:

1) confusion (because, since you have a healthy mind, you can't really identify with such an uncontrollable level of desperation),

2) flattery (because of how much she must love you), and

3) genuine concern (because you feel bad when others get hurt, injured, etc., especially when there was something you might have done to prevent it).

But here's what's likely going on inside her head. She isn't worried about losing YOU (referring to you being a special, un-replaceable person), she is more worried about being alone, the loss of power and security one gets from being able to control another, and the way she will be perceived by others as a result of being dumped. She DOES NOT love you in any way that resembles the completely genuine way you probably love her. She loves the ROLE you are playing in her life and has an irrational fear of having no one else to play that role--it's like peering into the abyss for these types of people. This terror is why she'll try and manipulate you by inciting guilt and fear (subtly cloaked in flattery - because a spoon full of medicine helps the 'medicine' go down) so that she doesn't have face loneliness, rejection and social embarrassment, which in her unbalanced, unhealthy perception is the most terrifying thing of all. In short, she would rather you suffer (which is to say, abuse you) than allow her suffer, and that's definitely not love.

You will probably find someone one day that loves you the way you probably love others, the healthy way. You will naturally compare your genuine, healthy relationship with the poisonous counterfeit you have now and wonder how in the world you stuck around as long as you did. Then you'll realize it was because you are a good person but at the time was unable to distinguish love from abuse shrouded in flattery.

[–]caleyjag 2 points2 points [recovered]

I am not the OP. But this is excellent advice and applies to my own journey perfectly. Looking back, abuse is the correct term.

Positive ending for me: after a fairly difficult break-up and move out (we lived together) over the past few months I now have a bachelor pad by the beach. First date last night with an absolute stunner. Life is feeling pretty good right now. Bullet dodged!

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 63 points64 points  (1 child)

You did the right thing.

  • You live your life primarily for yourself. You're not here to make someone's life better. You had a choice. You weighed pros and cons on your life and made a decision. This is good.

  • Your guilt is due to deep-seated beta instincts. Not that you are a beta, but everyone has deep instincts waiting to flare up. The idea of leaving woman meant the potential loss of time and resource investments, maybe even genetic legacy (existing children) so your brain got wired with one specific psychological module to prevent you to do it. Idem with the modules of "girls are hard to get, if I lose this one I'll never have one ever again" (aka ONEitis module). Picturing your guilt as a result of antiquated deep-seated emotional instincts will help your accepting that your rational choice was the right one.

  • Her weakness and cries are unconscious female manipulations techniques to activate your "I must protect my princess" module (aka "white knight" module). Just like kids' wailing activate women's "I must protect this child" module. Read between the lines and seeing manipulation for what it is (even if unconscious) will help you keeping your composure and go along with your decision.

And here's a bonus one:

  • Girls react to being rejected with crazy attraction. If it ever comes to you that you regret your choice and want to get back with her, you'll be able to. Without a problem. Hopefully you won't get down to that because those BPD red flags definitely are good, rational ground to distance yourself from her. But at least the fact that getting back with her is a possibility will make it easier for you to go along with your decision.

[–]intuition25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with all of that. And you're right about the last point. Remember that a man without a clear vision of his future will always return to his past. OP use this experience to know what you want and move towards that. No backsliding- whether it be a girl, career, lifestyle, hobby etc.

[–]The_Red_Paw 61 points62 points  (15 children)

BPD is a death sentence- for YOU.

The universe is a large, cold, and uncaring place. It doesn't care if life on Earth continues. It doesn't care if humans feel sadness. Everything dies.

You only get one shot at life. 72 years if you are lucky. That the universe doesn't care if she is crazy is not your problem. You cannot save anyone that does not want saving. It is sad she is nuts, and destined to a fucked up life, but that is not your doing, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

You can avoid going down with the ship, however.

You have nothing to feel guilty over.

You got out with your hide intact. Many, many, many men were not so lucky, myself included. I'm 49 now, and I promise you, my young friend, she is not the last crazy bitch you will ever walk away from.

Hang in there, keep your chin up high, and avoid her AT ALL COSTS. If you have anything illegal (weed, for instance), get it out NOW. Do not put it past her to narc you for it, or just invent the abuse accusations to use the police to assault you by proxy. You need to be clean a whistle for a couple of weeks.

Good luck! I believe I speak for everyone here when I say TRP is with you!

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 16 points17 points  (13 children)

Thanks, I really appreciate it, a part of me feels bad because she thinks I am the love of her life, obviously I don't feel the same way, what a mindfuck

[–]trudatness 36 points36 points [recovered]

Dude cluster B chicks are bad bad bad bad bad bad...

My ex wife is a total cluster B with serious control issues. She gave me great sex and treated me like a prince right up until the day we got married - then it was like a switch was flipped starting with the moment we walked down the isle. Once that ring went on I was her property.

We didn't have sex on our wedding night - or the morning after. She went from pleasant and happy to brooding and depressive.The next seven years of my life was a battle dealing with passive aggressiveness, withholding sex, constant put downs and sharp insults - a relentless stream of narcissistic selfish manipulation meant to destroy me emotionally so she can seize control. It was a war for my self esteem. After years of this abuse I ended up being pretty shot the fuck out and escape was my only option.

BPD (Bi-Polar Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder - either fucking way) is some serious shit you don't want to deal with. You end up exhibiting the same behavioral patterns dealing with this person, because nothing is ever honest or sincere. There is no trust, nor is there ever contentment. There is only a highly dysfunctional relationship based on fear of consequences big and small. Guilt is often their greatest weapon - because if they can control your emotions - they can control you.

In your situation, she has seized control over your own family. They feel guilt for her over wanting your happiness and now are aiding her in pressuring you to be what she wants you to be.

Normally, you should be able to go to family members and tell them that you are too young and this relationship has become too serious and they should understand and support your decision.

Mom, I'm not happy with the relationship and this is not the path I want for my life right now. I'm not ready.

That should be that. The fact that it is not should tell you something. This girl is manipulating people in your family to control you.

Trust me - you made the right choice here.

[–]jeff1328 4 points5 points  (1 child)

^ This explains the last 2 years of my life as of June last year. This doesn't count the therapy and psychiatry visits that I have to see because my ex was also extremely BPD. I was going to briefly hit on a few key points about what I've had to go through as a result of the best and worst, more worse than good, time of my life, but between this and everyone else's replies, I think everyone here is supporting you and can relate to some degree.

Its going to suck for a minute. Best thing I did was block my ex on my phone and deleted her number. That way she can't pull your emotional strings as she has in the past. I swear these women are like succubus and prey on people like the person you used to be. Just remember you can't move forward looking back. A good relationship should be easy and you will know when you get there. Its amazing when you see the difference. Good luck OP

[–]Bileduct 2 points2 points [recovered]

eye opening. i am surrounded by these spiders that feed of my eroding soul!

[–]babybopp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please OP listen to this advise. I left my wife after 3 years cold turkey with nothing but my shit that I packed into my car. I left everything behind even my half of the business. Peace of mind is priceless. I have rebuilt in a different state. Living a better life. The threats of suicide, take them seriously. Do not go back to this woman. Clean out any incriminating stuff that you may have.

Do not... I repeat do not be in a room with her alone ever!!!! Cut all ties, hard next... all that pleading is just bargaining, anger will rear it's ugly head. And save all texts, don't reply and record..

[–]Ecanonmics 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm going to be blunt. You are the most important thing in your life. It does not fucking matter what she thinks. Never will.

[–]AichaAichaPassinMeBy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She'll be fine. You're doing her a favor.

Oh, and save all her texts and emails. Back them up now if you can and file them away somewhere. You never know what you'll have to prove at some point down the line.

[–]broskiatwork 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right now, you are the love of her life. But that will change. Because that is what happens with BPDers.

You have to take everything you know about women (and men, when you consider the broader picture), and amplify that when BPD is involved. They are fucked up, just like anyone with a mental illness, and she will do anything to keep you. They see things very black and white, there is no gray.

[–]ven5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

the love of her life

In a while, she'll find another guy to say that to and she'll really mean it then too. I hope you've accepted that neither you nor her were anything special and you're both easily replaceable for one another. Nothing here is confusing or worth overthinking. Tomorrow, wake up as a free man and feel tremendous.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Sorry, I'm new-ish. Checked the glossary and for the life of me I can't figure out what an n count is. Maybe I overlooked it? Could you fill me in dear?

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Notch-count or number-count, how many other people she's slept with

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew it was something of the sort, yay for context clues!, but I just couldn't figure it out and it was driving me insane! Lol thanks for letting me know.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a part of me feels bad because she thinks I am the love of her life

That's what she feels right now.

A friend of mine also was in an on/off-relationship with a nutty cunt. When they first met, he was in another (abusive) relationship, and she tried to move heaven and hell to get together with him (I supported it at the time because I couldn't stand his ex, though I didn't know what a PoS she was).

When they were together, she lost interest pretty quickly and broke up, but still strung him along. However, once he distanced himself and went after other girls, suddenly her interested flared up again and she explained at length how leaving him was a mistake etc. pp. and he fell for it. Needless to say, she lost interest again pretty quickly and broke up with him again, only to string him along again. The kicker is that she tried it again when he found another girl, saying that "this time it was for real" and so on.

Do I believe her? Yeah, I think in a way she truly felt what she thought was love once drama and jealousy got into the mix and her competitiveness was picqued. But it never lasted more than a short time. She's basically just an all-around sucky person, and my friend is better for cutting her out of her life.

And so are you with your ex.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 37 points38 points  (6 children)

I didn't want to be in a LTR as I hadn't experienced women yet, Had a lot of resentment during the relationship over this.

So why the fuck did you LTR her? I ask rhetorically but you should really try to deeply understand WHY you did this.

She wanted to settle down

Also beware the "it will be different in the future" lies. As if somehow given the stability of a man to (contractually) support her she would become a different person. "It will be better when we're married". Uh huh, sure it will honey, sure it will.

OP - good work on getting out. She'll kick up a fuss and you must now treat her as a stalker, ie ZERO contact. Not even answering texts, block her on social media, etc. The BPD brain will panic at the disconnect. She may try to set you up with sex and a subsequent rape charge all to get your attention or to destroy you. Or get a restraining order or file other charges against you, then try to meet you to "talk it out" and then claim you attacked her during that meeting, etc. Any contact at all will fuel this kind of thing. You must be strong and COMPLETELY cut her off. The smallest hint of contact or weakness from you will trigger the next wave of attacks from her.

Happily however... if you completely cut her off eventually you'll fade in her mind as she finds some other poor sap.

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 24 points25 points  (3 children)

I was mesmerized by the good sex and facade of happiness, in 20/20 hindsight it was pretty fucking stupid

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I ask because it's important that you know the answer yourself in order to develop yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it though.

We've all been there. "I don't want to be exclusive but it seems that I have to give my commitment in order to have sex and this seems like a great girl and one day we'll be happy together". It's the blue pill dream that most people live and die by.

[–]broskiatwork 3 points4 points  (0 children)

^ Take it as a learning experience. Move on, adapt, and don't fall into the same mistake again.

[–]Returnofthemack3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah and it's understandable. BPD's are super good at that, the 'honeymoon' period is intoxicating and lasts for a decent while. Youll see glimpses of instability and warning signs, but they're very good at doing the whole hook, line, and sinker thing. They change DRAMATICALLY around 6mos in i find

edit: I mean, id honestly go as far as to say BPD's almost fulfill a very idealized state in their acting phase, while they're roping you in. It's literally teh most wonderful thing ever, and you get fooled into thinking it's going to last, because how the fuck could you know what chaos and terror awaits lol

[–]Returnofthemack3 1 point2 points  (1 child)

yeah, the goddamn truth is most people do not change. They might not get worse per say, but they dont change. This applies to men and women, although i've seen far more men make a turnaround and lead a more virtuous and fulfilling life than women lol. Just how it is. When talking about bpd people, well the're almost always a lost cause. I personally have not seen a success story ,but maybe they're out there

[–]Redbeam100 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It looks to me like you weren't happy bro. If that's the case then what you did is right. Go out and explore the world. You don't need any female and the feelings you are currently feeling are the average oneitis-withdrawal. You will be fine without her. This kind of woman is not healthy in the long run and it's better to RUN while you can.

[–]SadJoblessDoge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So basically she wants you to live an unhappy life with her? You've got a whole life ahead of you, don't let anyone - your family or hers convince you to sacrifice your happiness for somebody else's. You've postponed this decision so it is clear that you've thought about it enough.

Besides, I'm from Poland so I don't really know American customs, is it okay and normal for parents to butt in into their sons' or daughters' relationship? I have only seen it once in my country and i've always thought of it as a final sign of child-like behaviour. 2 adult people must talkt shit through with thir parents listening? Are they so unresponsible that their parents must help them with problems that don't concern them at all?

Of course it has nothing to do with the post since he didn't want to involve anyone besides himself and his gf at all

[–]valdirtheblue 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good for you. No one should ever make you feel like that or emotionally black mail you into staying in a relationship. You got out just in time!

[–]TryDoingSomethingNew 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I was with a woman for about 2 years and while it brought me basically 100% to the red pill, and she was an attractive sexy Latina,. Her BPD I knew was a disaster waiting to happen once I figured out what her personality problem was based on the same symptoms you experienced.

You stayed longer than you should have (not judging, I learned that way too) and guarantee you that it would either destroy you internally if you stayed or she would have done something terrible at some point.

More than likely she had things about her that you hadn't discovered yet that would have cut you even more.

I discovered my ex had set up an escort site and directing women inro the work. I'm sure she had her own escort ads on the classifieds site in her country too, but never could prove 100%.

It put me through hell, as she was very manipulative and the highs and lows were awful, and the random crazy behavior was bizarre and ruined what little normal parts there were.

I'm happy you got out. Tell people to back off, and that she needs professional help you owe no one more explanation.

Enjoy being back in sanity again and take a little bit of time to recover. I suspect you'll go through a few changes afterwards for the better. Likely lots of red pill truths to reflect on, too

Note: don't accept her pleads to come back if she claims to get help. My hunch based on experience is she would half-ass it anyway and you end up back where you were.

You can't fix a damaged woman. Even therapy and medication is just keeping it in check, not fixing her internally.

Chill and be happy you're out! Doesn't feel like that at first but trust me.

[–]redpillren 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good for you mate. I married one and have kids with her and separating was the hardest think I ever did. I became her codependent and much therapy is still needed for me.

Their allure can be very intense but you can never make them happy. So stick to your guns, follow your inner voice and run like fuck. No contact is best.

You've got your whole life in front of you, so go out and embrace the world in all its raging glory. Be proud of yourself. This old dude is really pleased for you. Cheered me right up.

[–]RawgerOThornhill 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"I was mesmerized by the good sex and facade of happiness, in 20/20 hindsight it was pretty fucking stupid."

Don't be too hard on yourself. Took me 7 years to break away, they are that mesmerizing, and without the Red Pill they will own you.

Good for you in breaking away. The best resource I found to process it was the following book, you can get it on Amazon:

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

The book describes high-functioning (eg holds a job, can live independently) and low-functioning (typically addicts/prostitutes, can't hold a job, always on verge of suicide) borderlines. My ex-wife was high functioning, and the book said high functioning borderlines very rarely change because they are not desperate. That helped me move on. Prophetically, 4 years later, she still hasn't changed.

[–]_the_shape_ 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Moments later her parents and my mom are shitting on me and trying to talk some sense into me, I know this isn't the end of this shit, she has threatened to hurt herself and has attempted to swallow pills before, I am quite sure she will turn up the heat in whichever way.

It's unfortunate, it's one of those double-standards that doesn't profit men, but you are usually guilty of being an "irrational dick" until proven innocent when initiating a breakup with a girl.

Mark my words, from all the details you've provided here, from the steps you are taking to build yourself up at your (very young) age, you will not live under a haunting shadow of a doubt for long. This is the hardest part - remaining committed to the path you have chosen. The light at the end of the tunnel is all the advice you're receiving on this very site - follow it.

You won't regret it.

[–]Newbosterone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's unfortunate, it's one of those double-standards that doesn't profit men, but you are usually guilty of being an "irrational dick" until proven innocent when initiating a breakup with a girl.

Hell, you're usually guilty when she initiates the breakup, especially after she rationalizes it to anyone who will listen. You can't let that stop you from saving yourself.

And on suicide threats: if she makes a specific threat, call 911 and let professionals deal with it. The natural consequences will teach her that you cannot be manipulated by threats.

[–]GetrichonIMP 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I eventually gathered myself and did it, It was fucking hard and I feel guilty to the core

Dont feel guilty. This is an emotion they will NEVER have for you. Sidenote, being in relationships are toxic. Just pump and dump. 95% of women are completely undatable these days.

[–]Mckallidon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit, half are barely fuckable, and out of the fuckable ones at least half of those are useless slobs.

[–]1naMlliPdeR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know about your mother... but as to your brother, if it was my brother, I'd tell him something in the line of:

"You're supposed to be my brother, have my back. You should be ashamed of yourself for siding with her". And leave it at that. Your brother's blue pill mentality is pathetic.

[–]0kool74 12 points13 points  (6 children)

We met on tinder

Oops. Dumbass lol :-)

she meets 99% of the BPD criteria

Why not just go ahead and go with 100%

It was fucking hard and I feel guilty to the core

Listen to me when I tell you this young padawan.......never, Ever EVER let yourself feel guilty by valuing YOU and YOUR life.

Moments later her parents and my mom are shitting on me and trying to talk some sense into me

Ok tell her parents to go F themselves, and tell your mom to suck it! You don't live your life for them, or her.

she has threatened to hurt herself and has attempted to swallow pills before

Hey you know what.......that's on her. It's not your problem. If she checks out of this world because she wasn't able to control and manipulate her partner, that's her choice. But, once again, it's not on YOU to feel guilty for it.

my mother and brother have turned on me

Once again, F 'em. Who's living your life.....them, or you??

I want to believe everything I did was the right thing but it sure as shit doesn't feel like it

You're thinking with the wrong mindset. This isn't a deal of whether you did the right thing, or the wrong thing. You removed yourself from a toxic situation....a situation that was only going to bring you trouble stress and breakdown the longer it went on.

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Everything you're saying is correct and I knew it, but in retrospect I see now that I only had a theoretical base of knowledge, I didn't experience these things for myself, I guess I am wiser for it now

[–]TryDoingSomethingNew 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Read my comment below. The guy above had some great comments, I agree very much.

The suicide threats are a manipulation tactic used by these types of people, too.

[–]DreadPirateRobusto 1 points1 points [recovered]

This is great advice. Do the "go fuck yourself" parts with a little diplomacy or just thank them for their advice and then disregard it. Anyone pushing a 22 year old man into settling down does not have a good perspective on things.

[–]fflando 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It'll take him a little while to get his mind right, he'll be fine if he stays away

[–]inspiron3000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You did the right thing.

For any further communications with her and her family or friends, record everything or get witnesses.

[–]Yakkaina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hard decisions need to be made and men like you, like all of us, need to make them. Any relationship is a two way street, if you're putting in more than you're getting out, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. I don't know about her but you made the right decision for YOU.

[–]TheJedi_Lied 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get outta there. When my dick was your dicks age it loved crazy. It's a hard road finding out that's a bad idea yourself. Take trp s word, no dick in crazy. I had a bpd red headed stripper, nuf said.

[–]ObserveinSilence 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a TRP lurker, don't spend much time on it as I'm usually pretty busy with business and training. Anyways, I struggle with mental illness and I have to say, you did the right fucking thing. Mental illness is a serious headache, and taking on a girl with fucking borderline personality when you should be having a great time banging sluts at age 22, fuck that. She needs to get her act together on her own, thats on her. When I was in my worst lows, very few women would have me, I'd get some here and there, but nobody wants to deal with a whiny depressed person. Its seriously a disease that is ultimately the individuals responsibility to do this. Keep lifting, gaming, self improving, and don't think twice about this bitch. Ignore beta family bullshit, it will destroy your manhood.

[–]1Shyrk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is very, very hard coming out if a relationship with someone with a personality disorder like BPD. You've been manipulated into essentially being her caretaker, and you're liable to feel massively guilty in the immediate aftermath. Don't let traditional TRP creed keep you from letting yourself feel the emotional effects of this breakup, and under no circumstances are you to keep in touch with her family -- they will guilt you like nothing you've ever experienced. This relationship was likely emotional abuse of the highest order and you're liable to hurt for a long time.

That being said, it was the right choice to break up. Despite the guilt you feel from being a dutiful man, you are going to experience a sense of freedom that you can't possible imagine. Head high, brother, and keep improving. Just think of all the free emotional energy you now have available to focus on yourself for once.

[–]mintegral 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You made a rational decision, despite having a lot of feelings for her. You know the TRP facts, so you know the blueprint of a girl, especially BPD. You can't safe them.

She would have swallowed you up with her BPD behaviour and with time you would have suffered a lot of psychological and emotional pain/damage.

You did the most honourable and brave thing a man in this era can do. You trusted your gut, you trusted your balls, you trusted yourself and your common sense. Don't listen to the people living in a fantasy. Sculpt your own life.

You did the right thing.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When her parents get at you just tell them she threatened with self harm and you are not qualified to deal with it and that you wish her the best and hope she gets the help she deserves. End of discussion.

Start researching what you need to do to get a restraining order and document everything.

[–]Dr_Axe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on getting through the hardest part at least!

[–]sj2k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really struggle to understand parents' motivations when they take sides against their child who are clearly in an unhappy relationship. It took me way too long to realize my parents are just like any other people with usually terrible advice

Anyway, you have one life, don't spend it being guilt-ed into a life you don't want. Great work on getting out

[–]burzuei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did good. At the end of the day you're the only one who really cares about you - you felt like leaving her, you did it, great. Now you get to practise your abundance mentality while talking to your mom/brother about your break up.

And get some plates.

[–]blkarcher77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, if you think it was the right thing to do, it was the right thing to do. Period. This is your life, and you don't have to bend to others peoples will to make someone else happy. You gotta look out for #1.

If anyone doesnt get that or gives you shit for it, remember that you are you, and they don't get to tell you what to do unless you want to do it

[–]CormacD123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you posted this because this is an excellent reference if anyone is in the same position as you are.

What you have to realise hereis that this will be very hard for you, stupid hard if I'm being honest. You're the only one that see's the light for yourself and you have to remember that. The rest of your family and possibly your friends will be totally against you in this idea. Which is normal because they're acting on the general norm. "You 2 got on so well why would you break up, you're being stupid and selfish".

But that's where you agree with the last part. You have to be selfish (take that with a grain of salt) in life to look for your best interests. It's not being spoilt it's you looking out for yourself. Be smart about each argument you get into, position yourself not to be moved on the matter, get past that point of persuasion and guide yourself out of it with what resources you have.

[–]DreadPirateRobusto 2 points2 points [recovered]

What is BPD exactly? I don't see it in the acronyms list. I know what you mean tho.

[–]Acolyte_Kai 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Borderline Personality Disorder

aka the Crazy-Maker

because buddy it's straight up entering the Twilight Zone with these nutters

t. 25 year old that was with a BPD for 8 years (had my own issues) don't even hate the psycho broad, it's like hating a grenade because it blows off limbs. Just the thing doin' it's thing...

[–]gkmedia 1 point2 points  (2 children)


I recommend reading the above, and also No More Mr. Nice Guy.

If you're like me (ex was NPD), there are ways they can change or revert you to past unhealthy behaviors and behavioral patterns in no time. They can be absolutely malicious and manipulative. I had a lot of learning and unlearning to do after a recent break-up

[–]xinihil 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Holy shit, thanks for that link. Déjà vu

[–]InformalCriticism 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Basically, if your families are aware that this chick is threatening to hurt herself in order to get what she wants, and they expect you to cave, then you need to insulate as much as possible, (not isolate; hang out with your guy friends as much as you need to), until she gets back on the CC.

You're doing the right thing by protecting yourself from her insanity.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did the same in high school, she did swallow pills, I called an ambulance, she got put into a psych ward for two days because of attempted suicide. I went to visit her both days. She got out and we kept dating. A week later she broke up with me. A day later I was with a new girl and saw her with a new guy. A year later she has a kid, a fiancee and they bought property. I have a late uni degree, a home and spin plates.

Don't look back, wish her the best and move on. Good for you. Your parents will stfu eventually.

[–]DiebytheSword666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell, you did the right thing. I dated a girl with BPD - never again! Just think of your future children (if that's what you want). They deserve a mother who's not unhinged and, well, suicidal. You deserve that, too. I can't believe that your mother and brother are against you.

Don't look back; don't feel guilty.

[–]kinpsychosis 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here is the thing people forget, never forget that your happiness comes first, you can't live your entire life with someone you know isn't right for you just because they threaten with suicide.

You only have one life, don't live it for anyone else

[–]IMR800X 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Run Away and don't look back!

Her problems aren't yours to solve.

Don't let the guilt-trippers or the voodoo-punanny suck you back in to her vortex of misery.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, your family members really aren't doing you any favours. Who the hell takes the side of the ex over their own blood?

[–]improvingme63 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she kills herself:

a) It's not your fault. It was probably gonna happen one way or another.

2) She's not your problem anymore. Everyone else might resent you for it though.

iii) You need to stay put. Keep on a no contact policy.

[–]redpuilder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations. I went through all that bullshit two years ago at the same age. BPD Ex. I cut all contact with her from that point, turned her suicidal tendencies to her parents because I was finished having to deal with that. I've only talked to her once since, and would be fine never speaking to her again. I don't mind talking to any other ex's. We went back to our hometowns after college that summer so it has been super easy to avoid her because she's 100+ miles away...so that may be harder for you. I highly recommend cutting all contact, not just minimizing. You will likely feel like shit for a while, but I promise you...your life will return. Just to reinforce: you did the right thing!!!

[–]1cloudmax40 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do not explain yourself to them. No one gives a FUCK about your well being, just what makes them feel good and what fits their imperatives.

Give them "I have no desire to be around her" or "I'm just not feeling it" or "I just need to focus on myself right now" and when they inevitably keep talking cut them off with "I need to study for class", "I need to get back to my studying", "this phone call is taking up a lot of time and I don't see a path forward".

Your family should support what you want for your own well-being. "If you are my [brother/mother/sister/whatever] and you want me to do well in life shouldn't you support me in pursuing what makes me happy?. I do not want this girl, her behavior is unattractive to me and I do not like who she is as a person. Stop talking about her or this conversation is over".

[–]svoodie2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did the right thing. I was exactly in your situation this january. I have only lurked here so far but I feel like I need to break my silence to talk to you specifically.

I was together with a girl who was actually diagnosed with BPD six months after we got together. Absent alcoholic father so check daddy issues. I stuck it out another six months. I felt trapped in the relationship, but kept pushing it off until I actually broke up. She blamed me for self-harming after I left. pretty similar situation. Here's what I would want to tell myself just after.

  1. No one is going to live for you. The religion of our society is that men should constantly sacrifice themselves for others, until there is nothing left for ourselves. Staying with her would just be you allowing her to leach off of your happiness until you would end up old and bitter. Put your happiness first, because no one in the world will ever do that for you. Be kind and generous but don't let anyone leech you until you are empty.

  2. Her self-harm is 100% on her. You are not guilty of anything and you have done nothing wrong. She is a manipulative fucking cunt for pulling that card on you. I know the guilty conscience from getting that shit put on you, but that shit ain't on you.

Biggest difference between me and you is that I didn't have to deal with a bunch of shaming from family. Don't let them run your life. They are the ones being dicks for trying to lord over you. Stay strong my man. You did nothing wrong and you don't owe her shit.

[–]Stythe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she's done all that before she likely will do it again. Even if she doesn't, it's possibly you just lucked out.

What concerns me is your family. They're reactions show they don't have your best interests at heart. Even if we were to assume your girl had wised up and would have been a great catch, it's your life and you are fully capable of doing what you want with it. The fact they they are giving you shit for ending a relationship (at 22 no less) is strange.

As for whether something is right or wrong, that's up to you. You're allowed to make your own mistakes. And if it was indeed a mistake, you'll learn from it.

[–]ball506 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hey mate. Girls with BPD seem to be attracted to me, it seems I have some weird fucking magnet for them. First one I was with was 7 years. I broke up with her and it was the best thing I ever did. Got with a new girl recently and found out down the track that she was nearly just as crazy and ended that too. Hang in there buddy, spend some time to work on yourself and fuck around a bit. Personality disorders are literally the devil and you should avoid them at all costs.

[–]Acolyte_Kai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you a bit of a loner? yet a nice guy? It took awhile to admit to myself, but I tried to 'help' certain girls for a long time- it gave me an ego boost to let them build me up as a "savior" but...that's the entire BPD trap, lol.

Basically if you get hit with an abusive sob story too fast, it's time to get going even faster.

[–]Fulp_Piction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Been there to some degree. What helped me through the guilt was to start reading therationalmale's best of year one again. I've picked out a quote from each post that exemplified the point Rollo was making.

Don't feel guilty, you've made the right choice for you. Society will always try to shame you into towing the line, don't let it.

[–]KurrKurr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just want to chime in, that judging from your account of the situation you surely did the right thing.

It's your life, your decision, your happiness! Don't live in misery just to please a vagina. You'll find other ones. Ones that make you truly happy.

Don't bend over backwards to please the people around you. YOU are the star in YOUR life! Treat yourself that way.

[–]Snooze212[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You met on Tinder, got daymit.

[–]aazav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

attempted to swallow pills before

Underachiever. She's a failure either way that goes.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my mother and brother have turned on me

Do they know this:

short intense erratic relationships, very impulsive, threatens with suicide, extreme emotional swings etc.

Because that's exactly the kind of girl I would warn my sons about. Even my mother who has been an SJW up until her 40s (while slowing coming to her senses in the last 2 decades) would have done so.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like vindication to me. Their desperation inadvertently shows off their true colors. Don't regret it. She'd screw you over if she knew you had second thoughts.

[–]JimGrey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The only question you should ask yourself is if YOU did the right thing. If you feel like you did, you did. Fuck what everyone else says or thinks. They don't have to live with your decisions. You do.

[–]Thebilboestbaggins 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mother and brother are assholes. You know I would say to my bro if he did something like this, and I'll say the same to you:

"Even though I may not understand your decisions, I know that you know what's best, and I will support you no matter what decision you make, I love you."

Imagine if your brother said something like that. Wouldn't that feel good? And that's exactly what you're going to say to your brother when he does something in his life that you don't understand. Be the better man and he will follow.

[–]tuxedoburrito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dated a girl last fall who did this. She was subtle about it.

She would say

When we broke up it was the only other time I thought about killing my self.

It sounds like yours is much worse. I waited another month before ending it. BPD is a mental disorder. It's not your responsibility to care for her mental well being.

Good job getting out of there.

The thing is this. No matter what your parents or her parents say, you don't want to be with her or else you wouldn't have broken up with her.

So don't.

[–]alecesne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do it before you get married. Believe me. For your mental health and that of potential children.

[–]flyingzenbomb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at it this way. You know have a chance to explore literally billions of other girls on the planet but who could be relatively sane (they're all crazy lol). Don't beat yourself up over one crazy bitch who got her hook in you. If it didn't happen now, it would've happened later on when you'd be more committed, and the fallout would've been a HELL of a lot worse. Anyone who threatens to end their life over something non-life threatening is fucking terrorist. Shut that guilt shit down, don't get caught in her emotional BS. She'll get over you once she feels like she's punished/harassed you enough and jump right back on the CC. Don't regret breaking up w her, regret not doing it sooner, or regret being gullible enough to get w her in the first place. Crazy girls are only good for one thing, and that's not for wifing. They'll only suck you dry and not in the good way. Be proud of yourself, man the fuck up, and own your shit. It's a major step forward

[–]Forcetobereckonedwit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stand your ground, stand your ground, stand your ground.

There are literally billions of women in the world. Do NOT stay with walking vagina time bombs no matter how much they have seduced you into thinking they are your perfect match forever. They aren't.

[–]WilliamBott 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is an adult. If she hurts herself it is neither your fault nor your problem. Don't let her manipulate or coerce you back into a terribly unhealthy relationship.

Also, politely convince your mom to stay out of it. It's your life and you have to make the best decision for yourself.

[–]Rkih06 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As others have already said it, she threatened suicide. Also, we have this illusion (at least I had) that if we build the dreams that our SO creates, marrying them, white fence and etc, all that bullshit, the problems that we used to have in the relationship will be solved, when we can see that the opposite occurs.

[–]Gunnar0286 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What is BPD? I only dabble here.

[–]Hjalmbere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mom wants you to stay with a BPD chick? Either you're full of it or we are talking about a total lack of parenting skills.

If she really is BPD, make sure you have an exit strategy, save texts, record conversations etc. Minimize interaction with her. If you have to interact, do so in a public place with witnesses. Also, do not lose your temper.

[–]uhhthelonious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro, glad I read this and hope I can help. I am 21 and in college. This time last year I was in the same boat. Really liked this girl and decided to commit to her, but early on I noticed she had a lot of deep-rooted issues that came from her childhood. I still liked her anyway, more than I've liked any other girl which is what makes this hard. She told me she was suicidal and depressed, and she had been acting very clingy and was suffocating me. I felt guilty as hell but I told her I couldn't be with her anymore, and the shitstorm ensued. A lot of our mutual friends tried to "talk sense" into me but they don't know anything about red pill. I stuck to the knowledge I've learned from Pook, Rollo Tomassi, and this forum, and actually went AGAINST my gut feelings (feelings that come from years of blue-pill conditioning).

I struggled with this guilt for many months, and kept returning to the the idea that I had made a huge mistake. Exactly a year later (now) I can confirm it was the best decision I could have made. At this age, freedom from commitment is an invaluable gift and no woman should ever be considered as more important than your personal freedom. You will heal from this and the time you will spend being single will become time well spent as you learn and grow to love yourself and prioritize yourself over all the other useless noise.

I'm currently not planning on committing to anyone else until I'm at least 30 and I've already had more women come into my life who I enjoy spending time with just as much, if not more than the one I described above (who is doing much better now emotionally - a success she had to make on her own), and these women are all more emotionally stable than she was. But I don't let them get in the way of the direction my life. I am the priority; not them. Today, I feel peace and am stress-free, and I couldn't be happier. It will get better my brother!

Stay strong!

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm facing the same dilemma, She's going to go to bad habits, bad men etc. and I want to help her out of a position of honest care but she will leverage her position if I/you do, best not to play their games

[–]PANDAwaggon63 0 points1 point  (0 children)

BPD is rough. Been there done that. Glad you got out safe OP

[–]Masupilamii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you so.fucking.much.bro. I am currently breaking up with a girl with narcissistic personality disorder. Those people know how to manipulate. how to put on a mask to "win" you back, only to manipulate, hurt, and control you even more.

I wish you best of luck. have strenght

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice deep breaths. I had a kid with my wife with BPD. I even have some posts about how horrible things can get. Count your lucky stars and do you. Nice deep breaths.

[–]Mooshaq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FYI, the abbreviation "BPD" can mean either borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. They are pretty different in terms of manifestation as well as how they are managed/treated, so I think it is quite worth it to clarify initially what you mean by "BPD."

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whether or not you're right or wrong is irrelevant. Nobody has the right to hold anything against u for taking a decision as your own man that doesn't directly affect them.

Ask yourself, what's in it for your brother? What's in it for your mom? What's in it for her parents? Absolutely nothing. Therefore anything they do against you is completely irrational, like stray dogs barking at passing cars. They can all eat two dicks.

Delete that girl's number, and take her off your social media. Go no contact for life, and continue improving. There will be plenty more women to come in your life. None of them are special.

[–]lozboss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did the right thing. It could have been 100x worse when she inevitably cheats on you or god forbid traps you with a kid.

Tell you Mom and Bro that it's your relationship, not theirs and you weren't happy. They should want you to be happy.

Breakups are always tough, especially BPD. Take one day at a time and focus on you for 6 months (no dating or rebound).

I'm the end your happiness matters, it's super tough now but it will get better. I just wish I'd known about red pill at 22 years old.

Always here for advice- PM me.

[–]massivewang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did the right thing bro. She's bat shit crazy, a chick like that will ruin your life. It's ok to feel guilty/lonely/sad, but those are just the short term emotions you'll need to wrestle with. You made the best decision for your life!

[–]1RXRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well done Bro. You didn't allow her to emotion rape you. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Enjoy it.

[–]d4ng3rz0n3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Standing up for yourself is always the right thing.

[–]broskiatwork 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn't read but perspective from someone (me) with a BPD friend:

The thing you have to understand about BPD is they cannot ever really change. She will always be this way. Therapy can help her to manager her symptoms and shit, but she will always have issues. If you can't handle that (not saying that is a bad thing, I doubt I could) then get out. Now. Because it won't stop.

I know you did break it off, but keep in mind to sever all communication. Do not talk to her again. Ever. Even if you think being friends with her will be helpful, it won't. It will emotionally damage her and yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We met on tinder

Stopped reading there. Chances she banged 10 guys at the same time. It's like you gf a part time hooker. Any girl who is using Tinder is into casual sex and not LTR material. People can hamster Tinder into a dating app but unless a girl is super ugly she'll bang guys off it and either get alpha widowed or get tired of pump and dumps with huge baggage / trust issues and will ramp up the manipulation and shit testing for sure.

[–]Ultimate_Failure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stay strong, brother.

And tell your family that the decision was hard enough, you don't need them second-guessing you. If they're not going to support you, they can keep their traps shut.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're free now! Get away from crazy and start spinning plates!

[–]rossiFan 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Let me warn you about what's going to happen next, and I hope I'm not too late. She's going to try to get you to knock her up. I promise.

I've been there, done all that you describe. A BPD person will, WILL fuck you up. I've been in combat and all kinds of adrenaline situations, and a BPD person fucked me up worse than all that.

SO: I know how you feel, and you feel like you're falling apart, or whatever. Hold fast. Hold fast. Your family will come out of the fog. Her family won't. I've had therapy for this shit. I can tell you that you're on the right track.

Stay your course, because you will be not just fine, but better than ever. Opportunities abound.

[–]Across_t_Rubicon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's currently on the mirena, and it's still in (was at the doctor a few weeks ago) so that's not really a concern, but I am watching out on the other fronts

[–]InsaneImmortal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant find the Patrice line but listen to your gut. Right now its telling you leave. You should be your own priority. I wouldn't want to be attached to someone that is manipulative always threatening me to stay. Leave and give them a number to a therapist. Shes not your problem and I don't think you want to live with a known problem for the rest of your life.

[–]eluusive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job man. I was with a woman with BPD for 7 years. You saved yourself a lot of internal damage and heartache.

[–]Gelu_sf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She wanted to settle down and start taking things seriously WITH ME, white picket fence, 2 kids and a lab.

Trust me , the only lab you would have gotten would've been a meth lab.

But yes, congratulations. Whenever a girl is emo in any way, talks about suicide or mentions she thought about it, it's safer to run. The only upside of these chicks is that they fuck like crazy .

You did the right thing. But the hard part has yet to come. She'll storm into your life again and again most likely... they don't really get the hint.


Stand your ground

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's not your problem anymore pal. If she wants to take the pills, let her. She's beyond saving, it's her parents fault, not yours.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just went through a similar situation with my LTR, but we're in our late 30's. Just know that this never changes and AWALT.

[–]fatalbinoninja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just finished reading a lot of these articles. http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html

She has some great insights that might help you get over your relationship. They've been extremely eye-opening for me about my wife and are helping me learn just how badly I fucked up.

[–]fflando 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if anyone has said this yet, but feeling like shit is part of the programming BPD women will do to a mate. My divorce 2 years ago from my BPD wife had me feeling horrible for the first few days after leaving, but it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. You'll be fine, bro.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]waitforit666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

borderline personality disorder

[–]newkidonleblock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, didn't know many people were facing similar issues that I had in the past. Broke up with a girl that had bpd and it was the best thing I ever did. Never had I have my life sorted out so perfectly. She did all the things most of you guys have mentioned and always flirted with other guys when I was busy to entertain her (studying etc).

My life got better after she was gone: Studied investment Set up regular savings plan with my bank Bought insurance to Ensure my retirement Got my driving license Rediscovered my self Got my Friends back after constantly neglecting them Started gyming

To all my brothers on TRP, strive on and be the best that you can be and GTFO if u are suffering in a relationship. Relationships are meant to be fun and not complicated.

Have a great day 😊

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just so you know, anyone who threatens suicide as a way to manipulate you (not a friend confiding their depression with you) is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NUTS, its not like a normal thing that you toss into a list of flaws along with leaving dishes in the sink and having some moody moments

[–]that_italia_guy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mom and ex are just trying to shame you. Don't listen to their shaming bullshit. Women shame men into feeling guilty all the time. It's part of the feminine imperative to keep a man as beta as possible so women have the power and control.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can only do what's wise for yourself, fuck everyone else and their opinions. If it makes sense for you, it was the right decision.

Her emotional tantrum? Not your problem.

Your mom and brother's opinion? Doesn't matter.

You're happy? Big time matters.

You made the right call because you weren't happy. End of story.

[–]redditatt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dealing with my own mother was the hardest part of breaking up with my last LTR. My mom was way more attached to her than I was, because of course my LTR put her best foot forward when around my mother. My mom urged me to make it right with her, to reconcile. But my mom didn't really know her. She was moody, anxious, unstable, and disrespectful. You MUST trust yourself.

Put your family members in their place- they don't know shit about who this girl really is.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has had an LTR with someone else with BPD, one important thing you haven't considered, is that you've spent the past 20 months or so being conditioned and brain washed by a very manipulative woman. You're going to doubt yourself a lot. You're going to be emotionally vulnerable, and she is going to pull out all the stops to try to get you back under her thumb. Mark my words, if you succeed in breaking away from her, you will look back with shock at how bad it had gotten without you noticing.

Going forward, watch out for her to try to seduce you to get pregnant, to claim sexual assault, or to drag your name through the mud once she realizes she can't get you back. Be prepared.

[–]Zohso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Relarionships don't have to be hard. I here people talk about how hard it is. Find the right girl that's cool as fuck. Don't settle. No need to settle. If we men stopping putting up with it. Soon these bimbos will be left unable to reproduce. You did the right thing avoiding future pitfalls. Thinking about you. And also think about your future kids. Do you want to put them through all that shit too.

[–]TheWaterTemple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't worry about her. She will bounce back fairly quickly.

As for you, time heals all. Like water off a duck's back.

[–]pinkerton_jones 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look everyone here is giving you tough love you need on here but they are missing a major point too.

You're 22. It's a shit age. Most likely you're broke, you don't have a career and you're just getting yourself together as a person.

There are better matches for you out there. Don't feel pressured into a long term relationship by your friends and family. They don't have to live with her. You have a really solid decade of life coming up and you're only going to improve with each passing year if you keep making the effort.

Now get the fuck off tinder. Get a break from your family. Go meet real people in real life doing things you like to do. Get yourself in a better environment and you'll find better mates. Shitty environments attract shitty people.

[–]rp_southsider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did the right thing. Hit the gym, get busy with your work/study. Block her on all social media, block her number, block her altogether. If she tries to manipulate you into getting back with her, use the broken record "I need to concentrate on myself for a while, so I can't be in a relationship with you".

[–]tumult0us4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is bdp?? I don't see it in the side bar...

[–]MadTrini 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You did the right thing. Don't worry about it anon

[–]miser1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man. I also had a girlfriend with BPD. She often threatened suicide and was deeply manipulative. You should feel reassured that you did the right thing - you can't let yourself and your future be held hostage to a girl who probably doesn't even understand her own feelings a lot of the time.

It's hard to feel responsible for hurting people, but that feeling is also the evidence that you're a good person who cares about her. It means you didn't break up with her over nothing or on a whim - your reasons were strong enough to do it despite knowing upfront it'd make you feel terrible.

Although you can't see it now, after a few years you'll have a totally different perspective. Every time she creeps into your head, you'll be thankful for breaking it off with her and achieving everything you have between now and then.

When I think about the me now versus the me who was in a relationship with that ex, I wonder how on earth I got into that situation in the first place. So don't fret man - the toughest bit is over. You did right by yourself and her, because the truth is girls like can't support a relationship. A relationship is a relationship, not a charity, and she'll never get a handle on her problems unless she can learn to survive on her own.

[–]Mythicalflavour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just so you know. When a girl threatens suicide or use pills and it has anything to do with you, that is straight up domestic violence. It is deliberate controlling behaviour to exert power over you.

This is something you don't fix. It only gets worse. All my experience as a police officer tells me this.

Keep away from her.

[–]iiMSouperman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my mother and brother have turned on me

Doesn't sound like these two people are truly family. What sort of family will give you shit because you've got a clear head and made a decision at the age of fucking 22.

Good for you OP, congratulations.

[–]ball506 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah your pretty spot on mate.

100% agree. But am starting to realise that shit isn't gonna fly anymore.

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