Hi guys, it's 2016, and for the last 20-40 years of your life, you've been casually brainwashed with movies, music, and hairdresser tabloid articles about about true love, happy endings, and unbelievably perfect romances. And it's all bullshit.
Here's how it works. You spend countless hours exposed to some sit-com or lovesong or sappy movie or really [insert whatever media], and then you talk about it. You share your findings about how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie find true love in the end and live happily ever after to tune of Mondo Bongo. Such is life, I suppose.
After prolonged exposure, you start to buy into the fantasy world concocted by Hollywood playwrights. You absorb their tropes. You integrate them into your M.O. and then you spend another ten hours networking with similar people who've been equally exposed to said brainwashing media, circulating the same retarded information, and soon enough everyone's buying into all these unrealistic fantasies. These fantasies are both about how life has to be and also how it should be lived, and soon enough, the hive-mind is born. This does not make for a healthy, realistic conception about the world and how it operates.
When I was in high school, back when I knew jack shit about everything involving Life, the Universe, and Everything (and women too especially), I had a friend Matt, who asked me for advice about how to get whatever girl.
And I told him be sweet to her. Spend his money on her. Take her out for an 80 dollar sushi date in a grand romantic gesture and shortly thereafter, proclaim his affections for her.
Like him, I too was a virgin, and predictably had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. But my advice seemed like something outa a chick flick staring whatever A-List actor, maybe Mathew Mcconaughey or someone equally absurd.
Why did it sound like it came from the movies? Because, for all intents and purposes, it surely did.
Needless to say, showing the girl in gifts and telling her how much he loved her was absolutely ineffective, cringey, and ended up repelling her.
Why did it end up repelling her?
It was heavy as fuck, that's why.
I was talking to my friend Gary (name redacted) yesterday and he came asking me for some advice about how to deal with a girl he has a crush on. He figured he should spend exorbitant amounts of money on her, take her out someplace real fancy, tell her how he feels about her, and then she'll be ever-so-wooed by his grand romantic gestures. Bullshit.
And he's very receptive to me, looks up to me in an almost sycophantic way, so I decided to set him straight. No Gary, Heaven's no. Anything but the green wire, don't do that.
I told him to go out for some low-budget casual food. Fuck, even just coffee works. And then go for a walk and talk in whatever park, get to know each other, and if everything feels good, invite her over afterwards.
Gary's objection was that seemed too casual and not romantic enough for the Romeo he is.
And so I told him, "romance is dead my friend. In the immortal words of Cindy Lauper, girls just wanna have fun." Granted, this isn't 100% true, but 98% is close enough, at least according to me.
Women are people and 9 times outa 10, people don't like heavy shit. Nobody likes like formal talks and scheduled obligations. Nobody likes long relationship discussions, awkward bullshit and melodramatic crap.
People like to feel like everything happens natural and easy, and so 4th wall emotional confessions have a silly way of breaking the immersion and then everything becomes messy and ugly.
This idea - this Hollywood lie that everything's gotta have meaning, everything needs to be special, orchestrated and ceremonial - this fucks up a lotta people because it often runs incongruent to the things people want.
What do people want you ask?
People just want to relax, have fun, and be appreciated for the things they commit themselves to. They wanna be objectified but only for the things they care about.
Like every decent man, I go to the gym. I've put a lotta fucks into my appearance, and as such, I like it when girls tell me they think I'm hot as fuck and run their tiny hands along my body. I like to be objectified about the things I've applied myself to, and so do you and so do they.
We go out to war everyday, go to classes, take tests, work a job, exercise, play office-politics - we exhaust ourselves all day, and then we come home after a long day. After putting up with exhausting, albeit inconsequential bullshit all day long, who in the right mind would be interested in a long awkward talk about whether or not you're ready to be Facebook Official.
Nobody likes that awkward silence. Nobody likes heavy bullshit. People, especially women, would much rather go out, get fucked, get high, relax, and simply feel good about themselves.
So for anyone contemplating making a big thing outa your relationship, don't be heavy.
The person you should be is the casual guy, the fun guy. Not the one who tries to integrate Disney-level tropes about love and happy endings into your relationship with whatever girl.
Unsubscribe to the idea that everything must be special.
This girl I've been casually seeing texted me the other day, "Hey ienderman, I fucked up really bad and I don't really wanna think about till the morning."
My response, "Alright. Come over, let's hang out, I'll be your escape, no questions asked."
And she did, and we fucked, and, as expected, her fuckup was absolutely inconsequential (failed whatever test or something).
Be their escape.