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LTRYoung men who are looking for LTRs, you'll do well to avoid women with abusive exes (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by seaguy87

I am writing this for the younger guys on here who are looking to pursue LTRs. I speak from personal experience so make of it what you will. I'll keep it short and simple and if you're one of the younger guys who've never had to come across such women, consider yourself lucky.

In your pursuit of suitable women for LTRs, you may come across seemingly nice women. The problem begins when, as they reveal more about themselves, you suddenly find out she was in an abusive relationship. They almost always take to you quickly and easily and you'll get caught up in the euphoria of a girl who's very responsive to you. Avoid such girls. Here are some red flags associated with this demographic:  

  • They are receptive to your good, well-natured (and almost beta) behaviour. This is because they've endured abuse for years and now your good behaviour is a breath of fresh air. You'll notice soon enough that they will take your good nature for granted and trample all over you, because AWALT.  

  • They have a lot of emotional issues and very early on in the relationship they will reveal a lot about their struggles, shame and guilt from their previous life. They often tend to reveal this all at one go and then ask you to take it or leave it. Next them. A LTR isn't about two broken people coming together in the hopes of building up each other together (it's not half and half becoming one; it's one and one becoming one), and you will spend the rest of the relationship putting out fires and dealing with a broken girl.  

  • Their insecurities and problems will seep into everything. Expect a lot of mood swings, drama and fights. If she's had body image issues, she will not accommodate your physical preferences for a woman (dress a certain way, or wear the kind of lingerie you like) but will absolutely hate it when you check out other women.  

  • They are great actresses. They know how to appear well and good on the outside, but they are a complete mess inside. You will only find out the truth later.  

  • You will spend most of your time and energy righting the wrongs of another man. Life is short and you have better things to do, no matter how much you think you are the one man to fix her.  

  • Even if you manage to fix her up, it will bring problems of its own. So what you have now is a woman who was broken and clung on to you because she was a pile of shit before, but once you help sort her life, personality and outlook out, she will suddenly realise she has options. With her newfound confidence and positive outlook she will be able to tackle the sexual marketplace, branch swing, etc.  

No matter how good or nice she seems, or how chivalrous you feel thinking that you need to help and mend a broken girl, do not go ahead with it. It is a perilous journey, and you will only suffer in the end. Follow the advice on this subreddit and focus on yourself.


[–]Birdfanguy 349 points350 points  (34 children)

A point that I feel was missed is that the abuse is often made up or exaggurated. Guess who is next in line to be painted as an evil monster. Speaking from experience.

[–]Yeahyeahsuresureokay 139 points140 points  (2 children)

This 100%. Her last boyfriend apparently raped her even though she kept him on Facebook and talked to him on campus after. Now as her new ex, I'm a stalker with abuse problems. Once a victim, always a victim. Specially if they get attention from being one.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Yep, an ex was supposedly raped by her BF and then the guy stalked her, but she never went to the police. Of course, the reason for this was "I had such low self worth...yadda...yadda".

Really, a rapist is following you around and you are okay with it?

[–]1FunAndFreedom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NEVER DATE A GIRL WHO CLAIMS SHE WAS RAPED, NO EXCEPTIONS

A guy from the rational male had a great response for any woman who claims she got raped. You simply ask them:

"So that scum bag is rotting in prison now right"?

Almost always the answer is no, because [insert bullshit reasons]. If this is the case she is a liar who is probably going to make you her next accused when she loses the tingles. However if on the off chance she actually was raped, you need to avoid her even more. Actual rape victims have serious emotional issues that take decades to overcome. Unless you want a girl who will break down into tears if you touch her the wrong way, avoid the post-rape girls.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 36 points37 points  (0 children)

thirded - experienced this one too

[–]TheReddHobbit 44 points45 points  (10 children)

I second this based on experience

[–]helpImmarried 47 points47 points [recovered]

Third.

My ex was also my first gf we were young and I wish I'd read something like this well before we met. She played me like a fiddle and I never saw the end coming.

I nearly killed myself trying to keep her happy. I don't think I ever even raised my voice in anger to her. She stayed with me until I was bled about as dry as I was going to get. (she didn't work of course) Then she grabbed the next branch and swung to the next chad/victim. Of course she told every one of our friends that it was because I was abusive and a sexual deviant.
I think most of them saw through it (some immediately and others took a while) but even more than 20 years later there are a few people who still won't speak to me.

In the end I got off lucky. Thank God there were no kids, and she made me nervous of damsels in distress. She also made sure the white knights and sjw in my life made it abundantly clear that they were never really my friends.

From what I've been told she has gone through several men and they all fared far FAR worse than I did. It seems I was her practice beta.

If anyone tells you how awful everyone treats them, avoid that person or you'll be the next person they are making up stories about.

[–]tomoakinc 28 points28 points [recovered]

I really needed to read this years ago. Same story but with a kid.

Im new to the TRP, but I can already see where I went wrong: getting involved with a girl who was at her lowest, constantly accepting being lied to, being accused of being abusive when I called her on her lies and eventually getting blindsided with a divorce.

Fucks sake. I just quit smoking and joined a gym, but I have 5 years to make up for.

[–]helpImmarried 17 points17 points [recovered]

Don't kick yourself too hard. We're all here for a reason. Even now my marriage leaves a lot to be desired. With trp things have been improving. I was on the verge of divorce when I found trp, but things have been steadily improving. If it doesn't work out, well then at least I'm better prepared for the future.

[–]Speedracer1111 2 points2 points [recovered]

Out of curiosity, how do you believe trp saved your marriage?

I can understand it helping to center\balance yourself and focus on your well being, which inadvertently helps it. You being more confident and positive, brings you back to being the center of her attention. I fail to see how this helps your marital problems. If she wasn't supportive during your dark days, then she shouldn't bask in your radiant days. (And yes, I do believe in LTRs. In case this is coming across as hating on LTRs.)

[–]Yeahyeahsuresureokay 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Cheers. Thanks for putting even my shitty situation in perspective.

[–]blackchadthundercock 7 points7 points [recovered]

Fourth. Based on experience

Ex-wife suddenly decided that me leading my family constituted "abuse"

[–]bigk12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fifth

I saw previous LTR posting some quotes saying how you stop taking people seriously because they are reflection of themselves and not reflection of you to her next boy toy, guy she cheated on me with.

Basically took passive aggressive approach to show that it was not her fault.

Of course bitch had an abortion, fucked up family, dated thugs who were locked up, stayed with guys that cheated on her multiple times, guys she stalked to prove they were cheating. Dad called her a whore in front of me.

Funny because it was some Buddhist quote and I introduced her to it.

This is the same girl that swears by God and that it is not OK to be agnostic( I am an atheist now)

One night she just shut down during sex and said I should have stopped when "it felt off". Then, mentioned it felt like rape... I literally could not get a boner for the next week.

Damn, did I dodge a huge fucking bullet. I would say I feel sorry for the new branch she swung to, but fuck him and her newfound passion to "explore herself " with thousands of other cocks.

I can't even fathom the stories that she tells about me to others after I put up with her verbal manipulation, constant chronic dissatisfaction to a point where mellow guy like myself felt intense anger about her and got into serious fights.

Of course I wasn't man enough for not having a car, not getting married to her asap and not filling her narrative.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If anyone tells you how awful everyone treats them

If you meet one asshole, you just men an asshole. If you meet assholes all the time, you're the asshole.

[–]RPFlame 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I still remember one of the girls I recently met telling me how evil and violent her ex was. She was with him for 3 years.

Sure is exaggeration in here.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I agree. These women are the real abusers. Emotional abuse

[–]HAMMURABl 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Even worse, women who really were abused in 99% were so because they are the type that go for the risky neck tats bad boys whom they hope to turn to alpha bucks.

He abused you? Who coulda guessed. It is literally the female equivalent to the man marrying a russian mail order bride who is baffled she divorced him after one or two years.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Well, that's the point why TRP is so adamant about spotting red flags in women. Because most of the time, the problem lies at least partially within her. And even if it doesn't and she just turned out the way she was because she was abused to hell and back as a child (and thus was destined to become a fuckup), you still don't want to date her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yup, feel bad for her, but it ain't your problem, nor within your charity to fix, especailly since she never asked you to fix it

[–]Stythe 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I wish I could hear the things my ex said about me. I bet they'd be fantastic. But you're right, they totally downplay their shitry behaviour and vilify the other dude who probably wasn't all that bad, but more likely just kind of a wimp who got angry

[–]Speedracer1111 4 points4 points [recovered]

The best feeling, is meeting someone who has heard those things, barely will talk to you and by the end of the night they are your best friend.

Don't let them tell you and infect you with her craziness (again). Simply be yourself.

[–]Stythe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, it's always funny when this happens. Actions speak louder than words and subconsciously we know that trash talkers are just that.

[–]helpImmarried 2 points2 points [recovered]

"shitry" I suspect that was a typo, but I prefer to think of it as a new word.
She was performing all sorts of shitry.

[–]Five_Decades 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Yes, this. She will tell the next guy the same story.

[–]biscuitfury 7 points8 points  (2 children)

To add to this, an ex of mine told me a sob story about how her last boyfriend hit her and demeaned her. Later, she asked me to hit her and humiliate her as part of sex. It wasn't until the guy after me sent me a message about how he wanted to kick my ass for hitting and demeaning her that I figured out what she was doing.

[–]Five_Decades 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, I've probably had a few guys hear that about me too. Damn crazies

[–]iamanenemy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eh, that's a little too Hollywood for me. I've met some pretty...colourful women, and even then, they didn't go to that extreme. They touched the edge, but never went over.

Disclaimer: I'm super new here.

[–]forcevacum 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yup.if you are hardened RP you'll be in that "emotionally unavailable" and "self centred" group of guys they couldn't control and its a small skip to being termed "abusive". This is why we didn't allow women to vote, truth and honesty is only a quick gaslight away for women.

[–]TheReformist94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

there is one very easy solution to this. you know, as a RP englightened male, that monogamy is a one way street where you will get treated like shit and eventually cheated on. Whilst most men dont actually use physical force on women, most women at some stage will use psycholigical force.

Even though women actively GLOAT about using psychological force and cheating and emotionally abusing beta men, this sub still does not condone hitting women, even when they flagrantly shit on us and mentally abuse us.

If you want an LTR, what you can do is use the same tactics that women use. if you dont want to be on the receving end of an alpha widdow, use the same tactics, emotionally manipulate and psychologically abuse them back to attain the upper hand. LTRs and dating are zero sum. and remember that sexual stratgey is amoral. this includes the use of female psychological manipulation on your LTR.

[–]pewpsprinkler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is called the Karpman drama triangle. It is super common for women who are trying to play perpetual victim.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

[–]redpillren 74 points75 points  (24 children)

These 'abused' women are often suffering from borderline personality disorder or some other personality disorder.

Don't even fuck them.

[–]helpImmarried 19 points19 points [recovered]

I can second this. I nearly married a woman with a personality disorder. She kept it hidden until shortly after I proposed. (this was many years ago) When it finally came out, she went absolutely around the bend. She lied about taking birth control trying to get pregnant, threatened suicide, then threatened murder when I broke up with her.

Fortunately her family knew all about her tendencies and handled her pretty well. It would have been nice if they had bothered to let me in on the secret.
She stalked me (yes that's the correct term) for years and halfway across the country and back. She would even call my parents trying to find me. It didn't stop until I had remarried some years later. Even then I don't know if she really gave up because I got married or because some poor bastard got her pregnant. Either way I got rid of my land line shortly afterward and I guard my contact info carefully.

[–]fflando 9 points10 points  (1 child)

When I left my BPD wife, she became pregnant, developed cancer and found Jesus, all in the same week. So glad to be free from that monster.

[–]bigk12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how BPD bitches find Jesus as their saviour and turn to religion.

Even religion is an excuse to forgive their shitty behaviour.

[–]landon042 4 points5 points  (3 children)

name checks out.

but wow that was a story there, ty for letting us know the dangers of crazy bitches

[–]helpImmarried 1 points1 points [recovered]

You're welcome. I just hope some young buck on here reads comments like mine and manages to avoid being suckered in.

[–]tekn0_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think you gave me closure with a bitch that was sexually abused as a child. I tried really hard to work with her, and now I am fully at peace she is no longer part of my life. Thanks again for sharing your story.

[–]tekende[🍰] 26 points27 points  (10 children)

Yep.

Every guy needs to study BPD so they can recognize it in women, and know when to fucking RUN.

[–]MultiMediaWill 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Reading this makes me hurt so so badly inside. I just got out of a 1-year relationship with a girl that had a bad case of BPD. It's brutal. So fucking brutal I could write 50 pages about how I was abused. RUN!

[–]bigk12345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad you are out of that mess. I didn't even know what BPD was until I found TRP.

My ex was a classic case.

I just thought it was a classic case of "that is how all women are"

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Take it a little further, and read the DSM-5

There's a section at the end which gives general traits for each disorder and how to approach. At the very least, you'll have an idea of the spectrum of issues you could encounter.

[–]mrbluesdude 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I wish to god I had done this. If you don't know the signs it's easy to get sucked in, there's something in the way they spike your adrenaline that's almost physically addicting. After the giant shitshow that was my last "relationship" ran it's course and exploded into a fiery trainwreck, I was literally suicidal for about 4 months, I lost 20+ lbs in the course of a month and my fucking hair even started falling out. Nobody should have to go through such an abusive mindfuck, these people are the closest thing to the definition of evil that I've ever experienced. If you're going to stick your dick in crazy, make sure you're mentally prepared and don't let them slip their tendrils of madness into your mind or you'll find yourself going down a very fucking dark rabbit hole.

[–]Random-Reddit-Lurker 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Not just BPD, but all Cluster Bs.

Shit is fucking cancerous.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

AWALT traits are cluster B traits. Have you met a woman who does not fall on the cluster B spectrum?

[–]Random-Reddit-Lurker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You definitely get it.

Have you met a woman who does not fall on the cluster B spectrum?

Not that I am aware of.

[–]mrbluesdude 3 points4 points  (2 children)

This was my ex. I wish I had known then what I know now.. I wouldn't wish the experience I had on my worst enemy.

[–]MultiMediaWill 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My fucking life man... just got out of a 1-year relationship with someone with BPD. It was brutal. Hell on earth is an understatement.

[–]poopcasso 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think you're giving bad advice. If you are a red pill, her bullshit won't sway you. And you'll learn a lot about her type which is useful for all types, cause AWALT. Fuck them, then dump them when you've had enough.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah ageed. AWALT. They all have a personality disorder. It's normal for them. Some are just better at hiding it than others.

[–]1Soarinc 50 points51 points  (4 children)

They are great actresses. They know how to appear well and good on the outside, but they are a complete mess inside. You will only find out the truth later.

This is a HUGE point. Everything she confides in you is all an act, designed to align your behavior to further her self-interests... The evil is real, be warned.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yup, just because it reflects what you want to hear, doesn't mean you still avoid the adeage:

Ignore what she says, watch what she does

[–]Silver-Monk_Shu 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It's mans empathy that's holding them back. Even if you feel it's wrong or cruel, FUCKING LEAVE WHEN YOU SEE THE FLAGS. Some other loser will come try to save her, don't make that loser you.

The only sad part I find is it's the hottest ones that have this problem. I know men might get bored of the starbucks sloot who works in human resources, but the other anomalies are too great a risk.

[–]vedanapatchayatanha 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No one wants to fuck a fat ugly smelly bpd so they get weeded out of the gene pool real quick.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

A woman who endures an abusive partner has either low self esteem, an addiction to the emotional highs and lows of an abusive relationship or both. Definitely not LTR material. Plus she's likely an Alpha Widow and will have a tough time getting over the ex, no matter how abusive he was.

Speaking from experience, learning of a woman's past abuse will trigger your natural protective instinct, but don't succumb to it. OP is absolutely right.

[–]Endorsed Contributorsqerl 13 points14 points  (0 children)

learning of a woman's past abuse will trigger your natural protective instinct, but don't succumb to it.

This is important for guys to understand. Its natural to have empathy; its natural to have the protective instinct. But do not suddenly become white-knight-save-a-ho.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I got involved with a girl who had an 'abusive family'. Every time I spoke to them they were lovely. She broke a chair on my head. Dont believe a fucking word of it.

[–]valdirtheblue 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If only I had seen this four years ago. Such a shame.

[–]TruBlue 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Yet to meet a women who's X wasn't a bastard.

[–]helpImmarried 1 points1 points [recovered]

I have. She was a widow so that doesn't really count.

[–]TruBlue 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Its bad luck to speak ill of the dead.

[–]lozboss 47 points48 points  (24 children)

I am writing this for the younger guys on here who are looking to pursue LTRs

Ok I'm going to address this rubbish right now as I see it too much on TRP.

You don't pursue women with the intent of a LTR. You date multiple women and constantly see if they qualify for your exclusivity. Even then you stay single for as long as viable.

Pursuing women with the intent of a LTR is BLUEPILL. Red Pill men pursue women, full stop. Exclusivity and LTRs are a woman's worry.

This is not to say you don't end up in one but you don't pursue it.

Even if you manage to fix her up

Nope. You can't fix a broken woman. There is no 'even if'. Although I agree that nobody should be Captain Save a Hoe

OP needs to reread 'The Rational Male' as he clearly doesn't understand one of the basics of TRP.

[–]Pomandres 25 points26 points  (2 children)

The idiom that you cannot fix a broken woman is an absolutist statement, and therefore a half truth. The reality of the matter is that it is just not worth the risk. And so we tell ourselves that broken women are beyond salvation. This is so that we do not risk our own well-being despite our righteous intentions. But what of a woman whose well-being you put on par with your own well-being. A mother, sister, or daughter perhaps. The desire to help or fix a woman you are related to is already lost if you go into the situation with the idiom that you cannot fix a broken woman. Never set limits for yourself.

  • I do not advocate attempting to fix abused women. Don't try this at home kids.

[–]1existee 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"You cannot fix a broken woman" does not mean they are beyond salvation, it means you probably don't have the skills to fix it. We are talking about personality disorders, PTSD and so forth, things that even takes years for professionals to attempt to fix. So I agree with your "don't try this at home".

However I think it is apt that the OP points out the dynamics of "beta traits" being visibly attractive to people with a history of receiving abuse, including traits of the desire to rescue and fix, and that there is a hidden assumption that when one "fixes" the person they will be indebted and therefore their loyalty is secured. In other words, the system is rigged against you to make you think you can fix them.

that of a woman whose well-being you put on par with your own well-being

This is something I sympathize but also struggle with personally. Maybe no other person's well-being should be on par with ours? If you think about it, maybe the idea of rescuing women was taught by mothers in unhappy relationships with their partners? Society loves making sacrificial heroes out of males, but maybe it has never been your responsibility to rescue, fix or save, no matter how much you love the person. And this doesn't mean you shouldn't offer support, but I think there is a fine line of having a healthy detachment. And I think this is at the very core of TRP.

[–]Pomandres 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I couldn't agree more. One thing I will clarify is that when you make the well-being of someone else equal to your own well-being, you are not necessarily sacrificing yourself as you are not putting their well-being ahead of yours. It is a very important distinction. The moment your support for a woman begins to negatively affect your own well-being, it is time to be mindful so as to know when to stop for reasons of self-perseverance. If you do not stop, you make sacrifice, and for this you will suffer. The general gist of what I am saying is quite present in your post where you outline the idea of having a healthy detachment.

[–]Stythe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm backing this up hard. I've had a lot of plates and some ONS over the last few years (after switching my mentality) and only one of them has shown me she'd be worth a relationship. Not enough for me to get into one, but most of these girls are just sneaky or trashy and give up when you don't give in.

The ones that are interested will show it. They'll cool, clean, buy you things or generally show you they want you the way you would show a women you want them. But often they aren't worth it either because you'll see they'd stop as soon as you let them in.

[–]seaguy87[S] 9 points10 points  (19 children)

The link on the sidebar for Flairs states that the LTR flair is for "Posts about Long Term Relationships, Relationship Game/Strategy. Strictly non-plate spinning discussion." But if what you say is true then we can do away with the LTR and Married Red Pill flairs then since both involve a modicum of pursuit when trying to gauge if a woman is suitable for a LTR. Hell, even daygame and approaching women literally entails you pursuing women (albeit just a little.)

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (6 children)

No, his point is on.

For me, and every successful relationship I've read, seen, and known (yes yes, for now) has been a long vetting process, and after a year or more, finding 0 red flags.

You're essentially looking for any reason to next her, and eventually get tired of looking. At that point, you can consider it an LTR. It should almost be a fucking surprise

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

There is no such thing as zero red flags, that is called a unicorn

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Yes, there are such things as women who aren't full of deal breakers.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I did not say "aren't full of dealbreakers" I said there is no such thing as a woman who has zero red flags. A woman with zero red flags would be, by definition, a unicorn.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Sure, I whatever. Not shit! =perfect

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm not trying to be difficult or argumentative. In my experience whenever I thought a girl was perfect for me, she was, for a time but then a huge character flaw which I had missed, or chosen to ignore, bit me in the ass. Now I have a cynical and almost fatalistic view of women, maybe I have overdosed on TRP or maybe they really are all cunts, at this stage I am not sure.

[–]lozboss 0 points1 point  (11 children)

You either didn't read my post or are twisting it to suit your purposes.

Try again.

The Intent is to Pursue Women, not a LTR or Marriage. IT DOES NOT MEAN you won't end up in one.

However, you shouldn't enter into dating with that as your intent. Hence you fail to understand a key redpill foundation.

Nice try though.

[–]Pomandres 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In other words, you cannot be self-sufficient or self-reliant as a man if you tether your emotional well-being to the object of a specific woman. In relationships you should not seek the label, but the woman instead. Seek many women. Seek them at the same time so that you may develop the abundance that a mans nature craves.

[–]ROFLME 6 points6 points [recovered]

So seeking out women in the goal of eventually finding one that is a LTR worthy isn't the same as seeking out an LTR? I'm talking purely from the angle of an end goal but not settling for something you don't deem worthy

[–]Pomandres 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Do not seek out women with the goal of finding one that is LTR worthy. Seek out multiple women because fucking them makes you happy and improves your state of well-being. Remain mindful and continue to evaluate your girls as the relationships progress. Look through her and let the pieces fall where they may. If you are lucky, you may come to find a girl who has few red-flags.

[–]ROFLME 8 points8 points [recovered]

And if your fulfillment comes from a family? Don't get me wrong I agree with the idea that you'll have to go through a lot of women to find someone worth investing in but to abstract the goal is weird to me.

[–]Pomandres 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I mean no offense, but this 'weirdness' you feel may be a symptom of your ego protecting its identity. It is the sensation of unplugging. If your fulfillment comes from a family in time you will find a suitable woman to start one with. But this should not be your mission, or it may tantalizingly escape your grasp. In life, sometimes you get what you seek the moment you stop looking for it. As said by Tomassi: "Build it and they will come."

[–]ROFLME 2 points2 points [recovered]

I've been here for like 3 years, iirc it's why I made my reddit account, deleted comments back when there was a privacy scare.

[–]Pomandres 4 points5 points  (4 children)

No one is calling your RP credentials into question here. As I said I mean no offense. Don't let emotion obscure the truth behind my message. The reason abstraction of the goal is weird to you is because we have all been socially conditioned to seek a monogamous marriage with a woman since the day we were born. To do otherwise feels weird. This 'weirdness' is our ego telling us that our actions clash with our identity. An identity that has been built up around myths like that of the soulmate.

[–]ROFLME 5 points5 points [recovered]

Oh I'm not taking insult to it at all, doesn't seem like an insult anyways. The reason I engage with women in the first place is to continue my legacy, genetically and culturally. The reason it seems odd to me is that if that's someones sexual strategy the advice should be don't get oneitis, shes not special etc rather than don't look for an LTR. Atleast in my eyes anyway - though I see the message behind the words, I think its just an added layer of obscurity to the message

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (7 children)

This comment misses the obvious narrative that ALL women claim to have been abused. Every single one of the red flags you have listed for women from "abusive relationships" applies to all women. Erin Pizzey tried to point out years ago that female victims of "abuse" are usually part of the abusive cycle themselves. OP, you do not understand women, or LTRs and the very idea of searching for a woman for an LTR who was not "abused" is messed up. They all think they were abused in previous relationships, they keep expanding the definition of the word to include verbal, financial, psychological etc etc so that any disagreement with a woman becomes "abuse". Do not use the language of the feminist, any woman who claims abuse is either a liar, or one half of a previous disfunctional relationship.

[–]Crimson_Cleric 24 points25 points  (1 child)

"...  they keep expanding the definition of the word to include verbal, financial, psychological etc etc so that any disagreement with a woman becomes "abuse"."

The power of this truth cannot be overstated.

[–]Pomandres 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is to create lots of white noise to distract from the fact that spousal abuse and rape has been plummeting since the removal of lead from gasoline. If you were a feminist behind the movement pulling the strings, there is an abuse quota and a rape quota. This quota must be met in order to justify the existence of the ideology. If not enough women are being abused or raped, feminism will be seen as the redundant ideology that it secretly is. Its less damaging towards women to create white noise than to actually create conditions where rape and abuse prosper. With that I leave you something to ponder: Are the women pulling the strings behind the feminist movement really feminists? Or are they perhaps misandrists instead?

[–]inspiron3000 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"Abusive relationship" is a red flag, however the term is too vague to take too seriously.
Every relationship that I have had with a woman has been abusive, towards me.
Many people, men and women, are or have been in such relationships but only some change or receive therapy that stops them from getting into abusive relationships again.
People change and are allowed to.

If a person has been in a abusive relationship but not received help for it then is a marker for mental issues or conditioning.

Whatsmore, the person claiming to have been in such relationships may be fully truthful yet hide that THEY were the abusers.
It is wise to look for signs of projection.

[–]askmrcia 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Could not agree with you more.

OP if you're reading and asked the women I dated. They would tell you that I was an abusive asshole. Even in my blue pill nice guy days I was still an asshole.

First girlfriend accused me of cheating on her and always verbally attacking her. I was blue pill and had no other options but her back then so there was no way that I was cheating. Second, she would try and start fights with me over the SMALLEST things and once I stopped biting my tongue and started talking back all of a sudden I'm the asshole.

Girl I was with in HS accused me of trying to get her drunk so I could have sex with her and that I was a creep for texting her too much. What really happened. She claimed she LOVED to drink alcohol and she could out drink me. I gave her the same amount as me and next day she tells people at the school that I was a creep trying to get her drunk. Not to mention she said I texted her all the time when in reality she said she liked texting more and the one time I sent a block of text was because I copied and pasted a joke.

Most recent girl I dated one month ago. Claimed I verbally attacked her, I tried putting her down in front of all her friends. She also accused me of driving drunk one time when we were together (*rolls eyes). What really happened; we were at a football game and I asked her to take a selfie with me, but I was not going to post it on facebook. The picture was just for me. She said I was trying to act like we were not together while all her friends were there. Before that she told me she hated posting pictures online and she don't like to have a lot of people know who she is dating. So I was literally doing what she requested, but she turned it around and made it me being the asshole that doesn't like posting who I'm dating with online.

She was finding the smallest things to fight me over because she wanted to break up with me because she was cheating on me. She even accused me of driving drunk when I was taking her home from a party after I had THREE MILLER LITES. Another excuse to fight me over something so small so she could be the victim and I can be the asshole that broke up with her.

In fact, in all these situations, the girls were the ones talking to other guys and cheating on me behind my back. So they had to make me look like the monster while they get away with cheating.

This sort of stuff happens ALL THE TIME. Girls are always the victims even when they are screwing you over. If she always had terrible ex's, then you will definitely be the next guy in line with that label whether your a beta or not.

[–]landon042 0 points1 point  (0 children)

holy shit i completely forgot about this THANK YOU for remind me

I'm a younger guy here, and even in high school I remember a girl saying "you abused me" an ex.

I'm like wtf? she then goes on "you mentally abused me"

of course i a&a and say "yea I punch the shit out of you"

crazy bitches think "being a meanie!! that hurts my feewings" is mental abuse, stay the FUCK away. I'm happy you brought this up and remind me bro

[–]Silver-Monk_Shu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

how do you socialize with a woman who's playing victim about her "abuse"? Do you sympathize with her? talk about her problems? What do you do?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You stick your dick in her then leave, and make sure you keep copies of her texts saying how much she enjoyed it. Then you never see or speak to her again

[–]pachewychomp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not just for young men... this applies to ALL MEN.

[–]PissedPajamas 6 points7 points  (3 children)

My last ex fits OP's description to a T, and most of my ex's have had a similar history. What makes a man drawn to this kind of woman? I still have problems avoiding girls that scream trouble... why is that? I know this belongs in TRPask but can anyone chime in?

[–]tekende[🍰] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You probably have Nice Guy/codependent issues.

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy if you haven't already.

[–]Robalypse 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Second the NMMNG suggestion. Bottom line is you probably lean towards codependency, maybe picked up from your parent's relationship dynamic. I didn't realize I was even working through it at the time, but I had a therapist basically work on reprogramming that out of me after it nearly took out my marriage, as both my wife and I had very codependent relationships with one person acting as martyr/giver and the other being a the one with the issues that needed taking care of.

Sample convo:

"What would you be willing to do for your wife?" "Oh, I'd give my life for her." "Why? Why is her life worth more than yours?" "Because...I don't know really." "Wouldn't it be better to think, 'I would do a lot for my wife'.'"

This is summarized well in NMMNG, but the reality of the caretaker/white knight persona is that they like the illusion of control and being invaluable to the person in need getting involved with someone who needs "saving" provides.. The ego boost that comes from telling themselves they are playing the role of the good guy or hero just obscures the insecure bullshit that lies underneath.

If you feel like you're not a valuable and attractive enough of a mate on your own, then you seek out essentially people who will have to be stuck with you because they NEED you. That might work for a bit, but then you end up with a crazy broad who resents you and has no desire to fuck you.

[–]PissedPajamas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This post hits very close to home.

I never had an attentive father because he didn't know any better, and my mother was too smothering with her affection. I grew up in a seemingly normal environment but I suffered some development trauma and not having my father around made it worse. I grew up a mangina but caught on to the notion that something was wrong with me, so fast forward a few years I was a textbook PUA, it worked for me but I only felt attraction to suicidal mentally unstable psychos and the hero complex would kick in mid relationship, I found myself trying to save someone who didn't wanna be saved every time.

I just wanna stay away from women for now, they've put me through enough and I'm still not mentally stable.

I apologize cause this turned into a vent post, but I think you're absolutely right and I'll definitely check out NMMNG.

[–]RPSigmaStigma 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The other side of this is that abusive people often project their abusive behaviors on to their victims, so it's just as likely that she's the crazy abusive one. Also, every abusive relationship is a two-way street. Sane, well-adjusted people simply don't stay in relationships with abusive people, they just leave.

[–]Hjalmbere 6 points7 points  (6 children)

I did date one chick who was in an abusive relationship before she met me. She never brought it up when we were getting to know each other so this was not a Captain Save-a-hoe project.

How did I find out? One day after we've been going steady for maybe three weeks, she physically attacked me when we had a disagreement. I thought it was hilarious and laughed while I just grabbed her and held her down.

After she calmed down, she said that her ex used to hit her when she pulled that stunt on him. Shortly after that incident we decided to go our separate ways. I think she basically preferred guys who hit her. Not my scene.

The last thing I heard she was committed to a mental health institution.

[–]helpImmarried 5 points5 points [recovered]

This is something I hadn't seen mentioned elsewhere in the thread and I can't back it up but it is something to think about. Have you ever known anyone who has survived an extremely traumatic experience? I'll use the example of a veteran who experienced terrible things in a war.

If you know someone like that, think about them for a minute. Do they talk about it all the time? Was it something they told you about soon after you met, or did the story come out in drips and dribbles. Did it really ever come out at all?

Anyone who gleefully tells you all about the terrible shit they've suffered, is making up much of it.

[–]Hjalmbere 0 points1 point  (4 children)

helpImmarried, I think trauma affects people differently. But my friend's maternal grandfather was a WW2 vet and he didn't open up about his experiences until very late in life. And he'd seen and done gruesome things over an extended period.

I've seen some gruesome stuff myself working in 3rd World countries but that's just short episodes in an otherwise happy existence so I'm ok talking about it.

Regarding the girl I was seeing: Fast forward 20 years later, I'm in a bar in my small hometown and I bump into an old school acquaintance. He tells me he's the sole legal custodian of his two children by his ex, who was a friend of my ex, and who had run off to become a full time tweaker when she was in her mid 30s.

Here's the kicker: Mrs Tweaker also use to date the same guy, let's call him Caveman, and I know (eyewitness account) that Caveman punched her in the face when he didn't like her cooking.

I however don't think Caveman made them into what they were. They were attracted to him because they were already damaged. My ex drunkenly confessed to me that she and her sister 'thought they had been molested' as kids.

This happened in the early 90s before radfems made it popular to be a victim which makes the stories a bit easier to believe.

TLDR: Crazy women are attracted to abusive assholes who beat them. Don't be Captain Save-a-hoe to crazy women, because you can't fix them.

[–]helpImmarried 1 points1 points [recovered]

I agree with most of that. It's yet another reason to run from any girl who tells horror stories about their past. The only thing I'd disagree with in your comment is about the 90's. Claiming to be a victim may not have been mainstream but it was alive and well. Women have probably been using variations on that theme for millennia.

[–]Hjalmbere 1 point2 points  (2 children)

There's a big difference between pretending to be a 'damsel in distresss' and blue haired land whales howling about 'rape culture'. The former is a sexual strategy, the latter is mass hysteria.

[–]helpImmarried 2 points2 points [recovered]

I think we can both agree that both should be avoided.

[–]Hjalmbere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Indeed. Also, the blue haired land whales are red flags that are easy to spot and nobody wants to fuck them anyway. On a more abstract level however, the land whales pose a threat to all men, not just your Captain Save-a-hoe types, since they are influencing political decision making.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Where was this post a year ago??! Its like you pulled the experience straight out of my mind.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 13 points14 points  (5 children)

, you suddenly find out she was in an abusive relationship. T

Women tell beta men they were in an abusive relationship to elicit sympathy and care and attention.

Usually the woman needed the abuse, the abuse was mutual, and often it wasn't even abuse.

"He was an abusive asshole" is girl-code for "Chad was hot and rough with me and I loved it but he dumped me".

Stop being a supportive/nice beta and the number of women you meet who have been "abused" suddenly drops.

[–]Hjalmbere 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Sure, if she brings it up as soon as you meet her, then you know she sees you as Captain Save-a-hoe which is a major red flag, but that's never happened to me.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have had it, back in the days when I was nice and supportive and caring and listened to women's problems rather than laughing and pointing.

They get addicted to the attention and exaggerate normal experiences to make them feel like victims to maintain the flow of attention. Like children.

The classic being the rough alpha sex being relabelled as abuse, despite the fact that she willingly went back for more. Feminists would have us believe this is because she's abused and damaged. The reality is that it wasn't abuse it was hot rough sex which she freaking loved ... at least until Chad dumped her. Then it's abuse.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Every time I read Captain Save-a-hoe I still laugh. Saving.

[–]Literallyoprah 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If a woman has an abusive ex she was with for any significant amount of time, it shows she lacks the rational decision making to say to herself "this person is bad and maybe his penis isn't worth it".

[–]drallcom3 9 points9 points [recovered]

Always remember: They stayed willingly with those partners. They want that abuse. They need it, because they're so fucked up that it's the only way to feel loved and cared about by someone.

Hard to understand, but just stay away from them.

[–]810809 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Yeah I was about to say: remember guys these are women who chose and stayed with absuive douches. That should tell you where her tingles come from. These "poor" emotionally abused women simply OD'd on what they wanted and you can forget they are anything but alpha widows in helpless girl disguise but with tons of added crazy. Stay. Away.

[–]drallcom3 -1 points-1 points [recovered]

They didn't actually wanted it. Mostly they've had a matching childhood where the only attention they got was punishment for misbehaving.

[–]810809 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah the worst of them definitely do. But in my experience most are on the less extreme scale of emotionally abused and those I find are mostly alpha-sluts without the hard edge of one.

[–]northern_yeti 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is 100% truth, it is scary as it gets once you're in it. In fact, searching for answers like this is what brought me to this subreddit initially over a year ago. Never written a comment, I have just been absorbing all the information and applying it.

One thing I'd like to add to these broken girls is the level of skill in manipulation they possess. See gaslighting. If she can brainwash you, stripping you of your masculinity slowly over time, you will feel complete and utterly crazy.

Speaking from experience, I wish I'd read this 3 years back. High quality post.

[–]drrootnsnoot 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is good advice. I'd take it a step further and blame her father (or lack of father) for her to choose abusive partners in the first place. Because of the dysfunction she'll look for that sort of craziness in relationships and create it if enough doesn't already exist. For a LTR a woman who grew up in a stable home with 2 loving parents is by far the best hope for success.

[–]wailei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree. The father needs to be blamed. He became beta and allowed his wife to walk all over him. The girl saw this from her childhood. By the time she was ready for a relationship she had already seen her mother for 20+ years and thought in a family man is a beta and wife a alfa. The person who marries this girl is ruined.....

[–]cazzah123 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Met a girl kinda like this recently.

Got some body issues, doesnt think shes attractive at all.

Has hinted a few times now about abusive previous relationships and how its effected her, even mentioned being physically abused, but I dont let these conversation threads run long.

Despite this, here is how she is around me.

Sex whenever, how ever I want it. Even to the point of just picking her up for a blowjob in the car and dropping her off again. Despite being self-conscious about her body shes kinky as hell. She will turn up wearing whatever I ask. From no underwear to the sluttiest dress she has with your tits all mashed up. Anything I ask shes down to do and she normally wants to see me cum 2-3 times every time she comes over.

Happy to be a house maid. Whenever she stays over she insists on a few things. She can cook for me and do some stuff around the house. I've let her stay over in the week and gone to work, gotten home and shes done all my washing, the kitchen, the bathroom, everything. I remember once I was driving home from work and I'd be passing by hers. I asked her to make me some cupcakes because I was hungry. I turned up at hers and she had 12 cupcakes ready for me.

Refuses to make me pick her up or anything. She either gets 2 buses from her house to mine, or she will get 1 bus to a friends house that is just a 4-5 minute drive from mine where I will pick her up, but she constantly insists she just gets a bus.

Waiting for the crazy to show up now. Judging from my calculations is should be hitting really fucking hard within a week.

[–]Staminaman1 3 points4 points  (1 child)

BPD phase 1. She's working overtime to draw u in. Run while you still can

[–]ryandiy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. Or maybe she's a unicorn.

[–]ali_alimo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crazy is what crazy does. To make them feel guilty about their crazy involve family or relatives societal pressure usually works well in keeping the crazy in check.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Young men who are looking for LTRs, you'll do well to avoid abusive women

Fixed that for you. Billy beta will rarely end up with girls that attract abusive guys but rather with an abusive woman.

I had an LTR in my blue pill days that claimed she was abused before and things weren't bad at all. I just got tired of her insecure defeatist attitude. She openly confirmed BB / AF to me when she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

My other LTR on the other hand was abusive to me, as in mind fuck and gas lighting. The fake strong independent women with weak fathers will hurt you much more than the abused girls who are pretty straight up about beta comfort and alpha fucks.

[–]slothsenpai 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Women who go for thugs and degenerates are red flags to me though when it comes to ending up in abusive relationships, not everyone shows their true colours so you can't blame them some of the time. Also by that logic, are guys who've ended up in bad relationships or burned badly by women unsuitable for future LTRs?

[–]ItsNotShane 2 points2 points [recovered]

This is why you're here. To be able to screen out certain people before starting relations. Duh.

Also by that logic, are guys who've ended up in a bad relationships or burned badly by women unsuitable for future LTRs?

Yes, this guy is bluepill and needs to learn stoicism and be very selective with whom he dates. A man doesn't allow himself to be "burned badly" by anyone.

[–]slothsenpai 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My point is that we all make mistakes in having previously been in a relationship with the wrong person and that neither of us are perfect in that regard. Spending the majority of your 20s fucking multiple men and then deciding you feel all use up and want to settle with a BB, that's not a mistake. Going after a guy who's clearly a druggie with criminal records, that's not a mistake. However, going for a guy who initially was nice to you but then became abusive and manipulative during the much later stages of your relationship, that I can sympathise with and it's a lot more complicated than "oh, she's completely damaged, therefore not LTR suitable".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women mate across and up, men mate across and down. At first you're angry at Chad, but then later you want to shake his hand. Strange.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to ask this: How do you recognize an LTR from a plate?

[–]bassplayer374 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am on my journey right now after experiencing this. I dated her for 2.5 years. She had a kid too (I don't have any). I let myself go, bent over backwards for her and her kids only to regret coming home because of some pile of shit that was waiting for me. I'm now back into lifting and self improvement. I am rediscovering my dreams and ambitions. I had no idea what I was getting into with her... peace out beta hood. I'm back.

[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the sort of content we should have far more often here.

[–]REYMIFAH 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy shit, really glad I just read this.

[–]Breditor 3 points3 points [recovered]

My relationship had this. Back when I was hyper-beta, I started talking intimately with a girl for the first time in my life. We got along great in our first couple dates. We had just started hanging out before the summer and after we had our two dates she was going back to our home country for the summer. She didn't want to kiss or start anything with me to "test my loyalty". Long story short we kept talking and I blindly built an emotional dependence on her and she lost her virginity to some brolic "chad" guy, which completely crushed me. She was super apologetic and I was talking to her basically in tears over the phone and she was crying and apologizing. Super emotional shit. Considered that she didn't actually cheat on me because we weren't technically in a relationship so I forgave her, (this is just before I stumbled upon trp) and she came back and we started being a real couple. She used my emotional dependance on her to crush me and break my heart. 6 breakups in one month. She kept coming back and hurting me and coming back. Also, she would swear to never tell me about her past and her past relationships. Between our last breakup and makeup I started talking to another girl because I was getting sick of all the heartbreak, so 2 days after the breakup, I invited the new girl (SMV 9 hotter than girlfriend) she cleaned my house and I fucked her and then told her I wasn't interested in her the next day. Me and the original girlfriend made plans to hang out again, and I told her that I fucked another girl, and she was heartbroken and started crying about it to which I replied "I didn't to anything wrong, you broke up with me and I'm single." And she couldn't do anything but agree. Me and the original girl are still together, but ever since I fucked the new girl, she respects me more, is 100% sexually submissive, cooks food for me, cleans my house, and is in general a fun person to hang out with, and a fantastic girlfriend.

The explanation for this behaviour became clear to me. We were hanging out not too long ago and she took some recreational drugs (molly). She opened up everything to me. She had an abusive boyfriend who hit her, and emotionally abused her, and she even attempted suicide. A few days ago she called me in the morning crying her eyes out, talking about how regretful she was of what she did in France, and all the pain she caused me. She wanted to break up with me because she began to think that I didn't love her anymore because of what she did to hurt me during the past few months (fucking the guy and the 6 breakups and the emotional toying). In reality it was because of TRP teaching me to love my self and to "be a man", and not be dependant on her. She was clearly emotionally distraught so I took her for a car ride, and I parked by the lake and the big confession came pouring out. In tears she told me this, "I thought that by hurting someone else I could get over what happened to me. You used to love me more than I loved you, but now it changed and I'm the one who loves you and is dependant on you, and you don't seem like you love me anymore".

I simply replied with "I knew all of that", and told her I loved her, but that I would also be fully capable of living my life happily without her.

Ever since she poured her emotions out to me she has basically been the ideal girlfriend. She always wants to be with me, cooks for me, cleans for me, is 100% sexually submissive and even got me a decent job at her grandparents farm. Life's currently good for me.

TLDR: French girl broke my heart constantly and I used TRP to assume dominance of the relationship and life is currently fantastic.

[–]brokor21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like this is great advice but it would be worth it to broaden the subject to include psychologically damaged girls not just abused. I pursued a LTR with a girl and I was head over heels, everything came naturally and effortlessly . She had severe insecurities which were brought about mainly by parent's divorce. Jealous outbursts and a desire to singularly occupy my life lead to my feeling asphyxiated and poisoning the rest of the relationship which by all accounts including mine were awesome (I had someone I could talk to about my family/friends/work stuff, the sex is above and beyond what I had before or have had since, she was ideal partner for travel/quick excursions I like to take & she was great at social events adding to my status). I doubt she had abusive exes although by the end of the relationship I had turned abusive, did a total 180 of what i was in the beginning and she had no real problem about it except for idle threats. I ended up breaking it up after I put her through hell, and realized at mid20s a girl wouldn't leave a handsome successfull guy even if he beat on her every day. I was miserable but kept hanging on how good some sides were. In colcusion I had as many problems as she did but only I did something to work through them and stop being miserable. Damaged girls may even be angelic beings but you cant fix them.

[–]aanarchist 2 points3 points  (6 children)

if she was abused, it's because she deserved it. this statement heard by a woman or a feminist is bound to get you crucified and sent to the firing squad but at the end of the day it's true. even my own mother who's a really nice person, i can completely see why she married a man who beat her, and why she stayed, it's just who she is and ultimately she deserved it. even when i was dealing with her i can't communicate with her without her saying or doing something retarded and any sane man would have left her, so she wound up with an abuser.

don't treat women better than they deserve, or anyone else for that matter.

[–]Yourstruly777 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Sorry, have to call you on this one.

The truth is that some men are psychotic and violent and women would do well to avoid them.

I might "deserve" to get beaten up because I'm in a bad neighbourhood at night, but that doesn't mean I provoked someone into beating me.

A woman financially wrecking a BP guy isn't free from guilt cuz he deserved it (should have known better).

[–]aanarchist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i'm talking about women, not men. a woman destroying a man, usually he did nothing to deserve it quite the opposite actually, but that's because men are different than women.

don't project your own traits onto women. you don't deserve poor treatment and neither do i, but any woman that does had it coming if you pay attention to her story. it's a cold way to think, but thinking kindly of and giving women the benefit of the doubt gets you fucked, you know this from personal experience just as i do.

[–]1grubek 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Life is more complicated than that.

Maybe what you believe helps you make peace with what you lived, but there is a lot more outside.

[–]aanarchist 1 point2 points  (2 children)

a lot more outside, like what?

[–]1grubek 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Outside of your own experience.

[–]aanarchist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes i'm sure there are unicorns outside of my experience who are wonderful people and treat a man exactly the way he should be treated.

[–]Gwastrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post OP. As much as you may want the girl, the trouble is just not worth it. A man should never have to bring up a woman just to have himself dragged down in the scheme of things.

[–]oxykitten80mg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would probably just stick with avoid LTR's.

[–]LOST_TALE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about LTRs of abusing your partner?

[–]FractalFactorial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely 100% accurate. Though my experience with this personally is fairly small, I can confidently say that the one girl I was with who had these issues cheated on literally every other boyfriend but her first: about 5-6 people the last I checked. She claimed to be close to being engaged/married to a guy and then broke up with him to ride the CC in Europe.

Its a huge fucking red flag.

[–]LeftShark86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can confirm. I once went on a date with a girl who told me her complete dating history from 15 until 25. There were about 5 "abusive" boyfriends in there. I remember just being in awe that she would tell me this. I never spoke to her again.

[–]420PussyEater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was my last ex for sure. I'm still trying to nuke my beta but damn that was chilling of how I can confirm 100% of this post. She branch swung back to her ex. Prolly post-wall alpha'd now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a very useful post.

[–]CrodudeClassic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post was so full of nostalgia. But seriously, the victim mentality is real. It's never their fault when something goes wrong, always some excuse that justifies their shitty behavior.. glad I learned early and got out of that one in high school.

[–]pewpsprinkler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tl;dr

  • She is using you to recover her self-esteem. Once she has it, she will dump your ass for someone she sees as higher value, or cheat on you and treat you like garbage.
  • She could just be a manipulative POS who likes to play the victim. Her ex gets to play the role of the villain and you the rescuer. You can't be the rescuer forever. Eventually it will grow stale and she will shift you into the villain role and go out to look for a new rescuer. Grats!
  • Anyone, and I mean anyone, who stays in what they consider an abusive relationship long term has serious problems themselves. No normal healthy person would choose to remain.

[–]Papapolak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you know my ex? Seriously, your description is spot on!

[–]stickfiguresk 0 points1 point  (1 child)

She is accustomed to receiving sympathy support from her support structure at the expense of her S/O's reputation. This is her go-to for both validation and back-up plans, which every girl has/needs.

She dates a string of abusive bad guys because they feed that monkey, because they're man enough to hit them when they deserve it, or independent enough to leave her when she acts like a shit head. Girls like this are great for getting put in jail or getting your car keyed.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. Run as fast as you can. When trying to get to know someone I usually ask them whats the craziest thing they've done for revenge to an ex. Women will tell you everything if you just ask.

[–]recklessgreed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I needed this. Trying to get over a girl whose ex and dad both physically abused her. She's volatile, with the constant mood swings you mentioned. Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed. Still a giant waste of time, energy, and emotion though.

[–]ecosci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea they always blame everyone else to get attention and turn victim they often throw rocks and hide thier hands too but remember women break up with good men and break away from bad ones with tingles still intact.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the best posts I've read here, totally agree all 21-30 year olds with limited relationship experience should be aware of this.

[–]otterberg1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My experience with these girls has been that they are addicted to fighting. She will start so many insane fights over nothing that you eventually realize her ex was most likely the victim, not her. Then when it ends she will tell the next poor schmuck the same stories about you.

[–]Captain-Disarray -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're right. There is no ifs or buts. This is the reality of such women. I am also speaking from experience. I wish I got this advice when this was relevant to my life. Learn from the mistakes of other men. Be better than op or me were.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

An ex told her friends that I slammed her against a brick wall. She was totally unscathed however, despite me being almost a foot taller and outweighing her by 70 lbs.

[–]gistaminute -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Another point, victimhood gives a good payoff and history repeats itself so you are likely to be described as an abusive ex to the next and possibly to your friends if they've burrowed deeply in your social network.

[–]RPthrowaway123 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Learned this one the hard way. The pool of reasonable, tolerable, attractive women is shrinking all the time it seems...

Never, ever date a girl who claims she's been raped. It fucks with their head and they'll never treat you like a normal girl would. Its kinda sad honestly.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All women are damaged goods.. you can't change her but she will try to change you in someone she is not attracted to any more, and then leave you for a better man.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX -1 points0 points  (1 child)

The mistake I made years ago when I found a great girl that had a "rough childhood" is thinking how great she COULD be if I could help her fix a few things. It doesn't work. Over time, you will become the monster that she's convinced is holding her back unless YOU change.

[–]mikesteane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Rolling Stones put it thus:

You were still in school when you had that fool who really messed your mind. And after that you turned your back on treating people kind. On our first trip I tried so hard to rearrange your mind. But after a while I realized you were disarranging mine.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They usually at least subconsciously like a bit of abuse. If you don't give it to them periodically then they will try to create it. This is one reason it is common for unhealthy women to have strings of "abusive" BFs. Also, it shows they especially lack accountability and blame shift. What are the odds that she was great in all past relationships and the guys were all dirt bags and everything is their fault? She will eventually turn you into one of those guys, at least when recounting your relationship.

[–]real-eyes-realize -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

And your sir sound like a broken man