"9 times out of 10, whenever I opened up to a SO, the relationship fell apart shortly after" (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by RightCrossBrah

Over at AskMen they had an interesting thread, "How cautious are you about disclosing your insecurities to your girlfriend?". Just google the title to find the thread.

Men reveal how cautious they are about their insecurities to their girlfriends and what happened when they opened up. Surprise, suprise - the results are as you excepted. Remember, these are men from the AskMen sub, so they are the average Billy in the street.

I used to be very open with my *ex gf until I found out she told some my secrets and insecurities to her friends. It was a "but I tell her everything!" situation. Here's the kicker, she later got pissed at me when she found out I told my friends about parts of my sex life (it was after we broke up and I didn't say any specific details about any partners, nobody would be able to figure out who I was talking about). Now I only really share with my closest bro.

9 times out of 10, whenever I opened up to a SO, the relationship fell apart shortly after. Women may say they want a man to be in touch with his feelings, but in my experience they'd "rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off". And I'm not even confessing anything of import. Just general life insecurities and such.

80% of the time I disclose an insecurity, it gets brought up against me in an argument that's not even relevant to said insecurity. It's doesn't matter if she apologizes, it's been said and the damage is done. I want to trust my partner and confide in them, but damn does it get hard sometimes

Lesson: Do not open up to any women. Do not trust any women. Have a close group of male friends whom you trust - they are the only ones you can speak with.

[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 169 points170 points  (35 children)

1) Never show weakness. She's not on your side by Archwinger

2) Women's heirarchy of feelings, dogshit, and baseball...

Feelings, Vulnerability, and Weakness

Feelings =/= Weakness This is a common misconception. When it is said not to display your feelings, we're talking about complaining and demonstrating that your lack power in your environment. The only feelings women want to hear are that of passion and ego, a display of extreme interest, confidence, and desire for something, especially success. If a problem is necessary to state, the difficulty should be downplayed like it's no big deal, and say you've got it covered. The only thing a woman wants to hear is how your frame is unbreakable and you have control over your life, nothing else, even if she asks (shit test).


Her: Honey how was your day?

You: The boss was a bit rough on us today, but not too difficult. All G. How about you?

Her: How was your day?

You: I got a promotion!

Vulnerability =/= Weakness

Another common misconception. Vulnerability can be used to increase your value, but only from a position of power. It can only be a compliment to an already sturdy frame and decent level of attractiveness. Example: If she perceives you as attractive, you can 'confide' to her that you have a 'soft spot' for puppies. Double points if you have a puppy with you, kiss its head, and pet it. She will think you're 'alpha' with a soft side that only she (in her mind) gets to witness. She tamed you. This is the same phenomenon as 'taming' the 'bad boy'. It's an ego booster. This tactic will not work if she thinks you're 'lesser' or equal.

For more on vulnerability: http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/23/vulnerability/ by Rollo Tomassi

Sidenote: Non-PC truth: the types of 'vulnerability' women fall for are drug and alcohol addictions. It's the only 'vulnerability' where the subject loves something much more than the woman herself. The only thing these guys care about is their next fix. Bitches ain't shit to heroin. Plus, drugs and alcohol are apart of the party/hedonistic lifestyle women love. Not to mention these people often do other criminal 'bad boy' acts and treat them much less than a princess. When these guys finally show affection, it really means something. It's an inconsistent validation reward system (the most effective kind). Think of it like Bulma and Vegeta. Once Vegeta indirectly shows his affection (rarely) for Bulma with his actions, she goes nuts. Of course, Vegeta is a fucking badass. Beta affection doesn't mean anything. It has no value. It's just a sign of future usefulness.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (5 children)

Can confirm women are attracted to vulnerability but not pure weakness.

To avoid weakness, make sure you deal with your own shit internally first. Get rid of the visceral emotions and fears. Then when you share it, it's coming from a position of strength, not while you're crying in her lap like a sap.

[–]NYCSPARKLE[🍰] 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Yep. You can booze up like James Bond, girlz won't care.

I literally got two pretty wholesome girls to do lines of Coke with me at 4am and have a threesome.

Imagine if I wanted to stay up and "just talk" with them. LOL

[–]PhucCheet -2 points-2 points [recovered]

Wait, are you implying it's difficult to get girls who want to do coke at 4 am to have a threesome?

The game is weak in this one

[–]NYCSPARKLE[🍰] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

No, since this post is not about game.

I'm talking about girls are very open to this behavior as opposed to other "weaknesses" or vices a guy might have.

Also why do you give a fuck about my game?

[–]PlayFair 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Whoa, there fellas. No need to get excited

[–][deleted] 23 points23 points

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[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 61 points62 points  (7 children)

She's a bitch, as in, she's a female. You show weakness, female.exe calls the function...

   bool 'vulnerability' == weakness == false;

   if ('vulnerability' = true){
   function decreaseLosTingles(currentMale){ 
          currentMale.SMV = currentMale.SMV - 2;

That's probably not syntactically correct OOP, but you get the idea.

It's not right, it's not wrong, it just is.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Yes, that is how it is.

I am surprised, after so many years and experience in handling bitches I still turn blue sometimes..however it is also lucky that women are like fish, they remember usually what she felt during your last two or three interactions.

[–]mrbluesdude 2 points3 points  (0 children)

True.. Except every time you fuck up it leaves a permanent subconscious mark on your record which pretty much never goes away. Break frame too much and you're done, son.

[–]flamethrowup 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Do not feel bad, it happens to the best of us. I recently acted even worse via text with a girl I've been casually seeing, and it'd probably be a miracle if she still wants to keep banging. I don't want to mention the details, that's how bad it was. I'm gonna go no contact for a few days and then ask her on Wednesday or Thursday or probably next week if she's free to come over. I'm still kicking myself for having potentially ruined a good thing.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]flamethrowup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice man. Surprisingly I didn't fuck this one up because I had her over last night and this morning. I'll keep what you said in mind for the future.

[–]RadChadswell 2 points2 points [recovered]

Me: you do not care about me

Dude, you did not just do that. This has nothing to do with her being a bitch, and everything to do with YOU being a little bitch.

"you do not care about me" = "I secretly have a vagina. In my arm pit. With a yeast infection"

Would you talk like that to a dude? To your own family? Why the fuck would you talk to anyone like that? Are you trying to get her to coddle deep-seated external validation issues? Pay a therapist for that and be a man with your woman. You're the one keeping it casual. It's not her responsibility to put a band-aid on your boo boo to make it all better.

[–][deleted] 6 points6 points

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[–]RadChadswell 8 points8 points [recovered]

Dude, you don't see the irony here?

She wanted to emotionally connect with you multiple times, commit. You blew her off because you want to spin plates. Which is fine. But then you come to her for needy emotional validation (a relationship thing)... It's not that all women are cold bitches who will never accept your insecurities. It's that that ship has sailed. You already made the ground rules clear: no deeper emotional commitment, even though she wanted it. If you do that, you can't expect her to console you or love you 100% LOL. If you're trying to alpha dog her to drag her along, she's not giving you beta love. "Slipping" exposes you as a fake alpha.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

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[–]1StoicCrane 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's as simple as knowing that women want to be the "girls" of a relationship and be Daddied. The moment a man expresses weakness to her her devolves from a Daddy to a child that needs coddling. Woman hate the idea of mothering "men that act like children" so the relationship goes bust. They only want to raise their own kids and barely at that in some instances. How much less so for a grown ass man?

Just think of it like this. If you wouldn't show vulnerablility or weakness to your daughter (real or imagined) avoid doing so with prospective chicks.

[–]samuelnine 21 points22 points  (6 children)

What are Bulma and Vegeta? Hindu gods?

[–]WhyNotJustEnjoyLife 48 points49 points  (0 children)

its this tv show where krillin and yamacha die and goku does the kamehameha

[–]oracham 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Was born a hindu and this killed me.. Search for dragonball

[–]CrodudeClassic 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So much LOL. Time to start new religion with Bulma and Vegeta as all powerful overseeing gods.

[–]_unevenliiitskin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well Vegeta already has that accomplished. I guess Bulma's hair is pretty blue.

[–]prettyflamazing 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Dragonball Z characters. Vegeta is a super powerful alien who is married to a needy, sassy human named Bulma.

[–]Senior Contributordr_warlock 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They made her and Chi Chi into aggressive, short haired, non-feminine, indypydynt women and made Goku and Vegeta into pussies that are scared of them in one of the latest movies. Horrible.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

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[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorVasiliyZaitzev 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Showing weakness dries the vag up like it's the Gobi desert.

You lead, she follows. You're the Skipper and the the Skipper always knows what to do

[–]Casanova-Quinn 42 points43 points  (2 children)

80% of the time I disclose an insecurity, it gets brought up against me in an argument that's not even relevant to said insecurity.

Bill Burr had a great bit on this. Basically, women bring up provocative irrelevant shit when they're losing an argument in order to make you so mad that you say something worse to her; thus turning you into the bad guy.

[–]saibot83 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It's so sad he wifed up that absolute cunt and put a baby in her ass. Ol' Billy red nuts is getting softer the older he gets.

[–]batfish55 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Or she'll use your admission against you at a later date. "Communication" is the biggest scam feminists ever convinced us to do in "relationships."

[–]NakedAndBehindYou 39 points39 points [recovered]

A man revealing psychological weakness has the same effect as a woman taking off her makeup and revealing that she looks terrible underneath the facade. It kills the attraction, because you are showing them that what they were attracted to in the first place (your confidence/frame) was a lie.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

A lie to a feeble mind that thinks that a mind is only 100% strong or it is weak.

[–]1Paid_Internet_Troll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Animal hind brain, basically.

[–][deleted] 43 points43 points

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[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (4 children)

Sorry about your dog, and you just proved to me why LTRs are not worth it, if what you said is true (and I think it is).

I will never suppress my humanity to that degree to keep the attraction of a bitch. If I cannot be a human and keep her attraction, then she is by my definition not worth my extreme efforts.

[–][deleted] 3 points3 points

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[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Well LTR's can be worth it on your own terms

Buddy, if you are strongly holding back your emotional reaction upon the death of your dog simply because some bitch is present, then it is not on your own terms, at least by my definition and understanding.

If my dog dies and a bitch leaves me for it, then fuck you bitch and rot in hell.

[–]1empatheticapathetic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately his point is you gotta choose one or the other. He made his choice.

[–]arfl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No wonder men die much younger than women...

[–]dinosauralienspirits 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sorry about the dog bro mines getting old too but hit by a car is brutal.

[–]3whatsthisgarg 13 points14 points  (1 child)

On the other hand, if you've got a woman hanging on to you, trying to get more out of you than you want, you already are done with her, but she just keeps coming back for more, and you want her OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT DRAMA, just open up and let her know what your biggest fear is, or some other bullshit.

She'll never bother you again.

[–]1StoicCrane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Put make sure to peel some onions before it all happens. Waterworks makes for convincing theatrics.

[–]coffee_34 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This same thing just happened to me! I got vulnerable with one of my girls after sex. This triggered the following chain of events.

  1. No sex the next night.
  2. The night after that, she sends me a thinly veiled disrespectful text message.
  3. I was disrespectful back, she blocks me.

Never be vulnerable. It's not her fault that she downgraded me, it was the natural reaction to me downgrading myself.

By the way, don't trust your friends either unless you are 100% certain you can trust them. Sadly, it's been my experience that most friends will exploit your vulnerabilities to get ahead in the social game. This ties into the 33rd Law of Power.

Law 33: Discover each man's thumb screw.

Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I have 3 close male friends in my life. I'm 40.

I've known S since I was 12. K since I was 14. And D is my younger brother and I've known him since I was 5.

Once every year or two, something bad will happen and I will break down to one or the other. I've cried bitter tears in front of all of them.

They still respect me as a strong man. Perhaps stronger for having such strong emotions at times but keeping them in check 99.99% of the time and maintaining balance. Each of them has also broken down to me more than once, and I felt it an honor that they could let down their armor and could not hide their emotions when speaking to me about a weighty subject.

For instance, my brother knows that my deep feelings would cause me to defend his children, my nephew and niece, to the death and kill others to protect them if need be.

When I've dated a girl for a year and got teary eyed once, cold as fucking ice after. No true comfort or understanding.

I can understand from the abstract (because I'm a guy) their emotional reactions, but I will never fully sympathize because they are generally inferior outside of utility in a harsh and polygamous environment, and they have little to no true ability to introspect and modify their emotions.

[–][deleted] 38 points38 points

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[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 21 points22 points  (1 child)

You built up a reservoir of Alpha to draw on so your anecdote doesn't change the fact that showing weakness EVER draws down the water. It has nothing to do with a particular girl being terrible or a snowflake. It has to do with AWALT.

Lots of guys on married red pill have been married 10-15-20 years and started out strong- all of them started out strong. Eventually, after 1 year, or 10 years of being weak, the water will dry up- just like her pussy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with your resovoir theory; I felt that water leave the tank. Whatever I let out of the tank was worth letting her in on some of my issues on a number of levels I feel. I think her watching me grow and work on them in front of her more than made up for it over time anyway.

I think your outlook on marriage is a bit grim though. It can happen to either spouse if they let themselves go as the get older. It's not just a man's responsibility to keep himself together.

In the end all pussy dries up and all dicks go limp anyway. Rather be with someone I love when that happens. I keep myself in check and will continue to do so because simply because I'm happier and my life is better for it.

[–]victor_knight 7 points8 points  (1 child)

If you can't trust her, why are you fucking living with her? That's a question all guys in long-term relationships should seriously ask themselves.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Trust women to behave like women, at least in terms of attraction. There are some things that aren't going to be negotiable even with the best of women.

[–]1edwardhwhite 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Told one woman I had a weird semi-oneitis relationship about having depression. I could tell she despised me for it. Never again.

[–]moinfofl 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Pavolka, these are easy fixes. I am somewhat of a newb here, but I'm 32 and been trough a lot, so I'll give my opinion. First of all, never tell a girl you will be lonely. That just sounds sad. If you've already had sex with this woman, you should not be trying this hard. Are you trying to marry her?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No, not at all.

She is just a regular plate, I am month away for work in a remote place without females, it is boring, and we started texting all the time.

I think I let the guard down simple to see how she is going to react..and in a way I was scared she will leave, yes, I do not want LTR with her, but I do not want to lose her for sex, which is pretty likely best sex I have experienced.

Well, TRP knowledge once more approved, without mistake. She reacted completely predictable. I will turn to my old ways of treating her right. Few days radio silence will reset this.

[–]Buchloe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, that was HER saying she'd be lonely.

[–]Buchloe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Made this mistake recently, knowing full well I shouldn't be doing it. But she was being really encouraging and tender, so I thought, maybe just maybe it'll help or relationship. NOPE!

[–]IGoYouStayTwoAutumns 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Had a beautiful plate a little while back, girl absolutely LOVED sex (we hooked up first night). And like all beautiful girls who love sex, naturally she was running around getting laid left and right. Which I didn't mind, except: she just couldn't stop talking about it. Every time I saw her, she'd go on and on about all the guys she was hooking up with (of which I was one, of course, but still...). Laughed it off at first, then asked her to tone it down a bit, and finally I was like "You know, I really don't want to feel nauseous every time my plate comes around..." So I moved her to the "back row" (occasional plate). Girl kept coming around though, and finally I was like "Fuck this, I gotta dump this chick. She's making me ill."

And so for those who haven't yet learned the lesson, re: never show vulnerability, let me say this: when you're about to dump a plate, this is a PRIME window of opportunity to have experience be a most excellent teacher.

In my case, the girl was nagging me to open up with her a bit more, telling me "You're always so closed down around me" etc, and since I had no intention of ever seeing her again anyway, I was like fine, let's test this theory out. I told her: "Actually, I DO have problems..."--and then went on to talk about how my latest script didn't sell for big bucks like I thought it would, the film market was changing, Hollywood was changing, and I was in the middle of figuring out how to adapt my career as a result of these changes. Nothing big, nothing heartrending, just telling her: "Actually, I DO have problems, and while I know I'm going to handle them just fine, I always have, my life isn't totally PERFECT, as you seem to think it is..."

She responded: "Thank you for telling me this." And that was it, I never heard from her again.

Female translation: "I thought you were the perfect alpha, I tested your frame to make sure, you faltered and admitted that you were not perfect (beta), thank you for confirming your fault, so I can move on and not waste my time with someone less than perfect."

Maybe back in the day you could get away with being vulnerable, and confessing your problems / fears etc to your girlfriend or wife, and she'd stay by your side regardless. This isn't because women were "better" back then, it's because women had fewer options back then, they had no choice but to stick it out with you because there were no other (better) men around to branch swing up to. But now, when every woman has an infinite number of options at her fingertips (via smart phone) all the time, if you show any vulnerability AT ALL for even a single second, you will be replaced instantaneously. No exceptions.

Never show weakness gents. That's for your close inner circle of guy friends (occasionally) and your therapist if you have one. That's it.

EDIT: slight formatting tweak.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

they'd rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off

Damn, that's a brilliant line

[–]DucksCanDance 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It depends how you show your weaknesses too. For example, I'll joke with my girlfriend about how "the day you begin lifting is the day you're forever small." It's lighthearted and it belies some actual insecurity, but at the same time I'm approaching it from a place of humor.

If I broke down crying about how "I'm too small and weak" she would react very differently.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, if you give no context as to why you are disclosing your feelings, then in reality you're doing it to feed a self created cycle of your insecurity. Unless she specifically asks you about a certain thing, a thing that can make or break the relationship, do not say anything. Telling her your insecurities makes you believe you are doing her justice by opening up to her and becoming closer. However, by disclosing these unnecessary things, you're signalling that you feel uncomfortable with parts of yourself or uncomfortable with your relationship with other people. Thus, it shows that you are not fully centered with your confidence. This can cause a woman to question the relationship down the line.

[–]nrafield 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How about the one time the relationship did not fall apart? Would be nice to see what it was like.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The attraction and respect was high enough to mitigate the initial hit. If you do it enough you'll push them away.

Alternatively, she's at the absolute bottom of the attraction scale and can't do any better than a pathetic mess of a man.

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a situation that exemplifies the phrase: "Pay attention to what they do, not what they say."

Women will say they want a man to open up, but if they do and it conveys weakness, women will feel revulsion.

Depending on where you initially stand with her, how often you do it, and to what extent your weakness/insecurity is conveyed, will determine how quickly it kills attraction and the relationship.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah, I literally overheard my gf tell my best mate what we do in bed and stuff that I obvs didn't want him knowing. Now she wonders why I'm pretty vanilla in bed. She literally tells her friends everything. I fucking want to die

[–]TRP VanguardVZPurp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some people, especially women, are 'repeaters'. You need to test the water and gauge how a person is in this regard.

On the one hand, they're damaging if they're getting private info that you don't want everyone to know.

On the other hand, they can be incredibly useful if you need to promote yourself or spread information.

[–]CaptainWasHere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women don't want truly honest answers the same way that we don't.

You: I know I have the biggest dick and I'm the best fuck you've ever had, right?

Her: Sure are my captain.

You just want her to verify a fantasy in your head, not verify the truth. (of course you never seek this validation!!)

It's the same as...

Her: I want you to open up to me. You never share

You: (truth) I'm scared shitless baby. I have a huge meeting tomorrow that I'm stressing out about. Our bills are adding up. You spend too much. My back always hurts from that injury a decade ago.


You: (better answer) I have a big meeting with the execs tomorrow so I need a few more minutes tonight to prep. Tomorrow night we need to review our spending versus budgets. (no admitting of back pain)

One option is giving her the truth. The other option you are protecting her from the stresses a day dealing with them yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My life experience confirms this. But I can get emotional with people I get close to, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to pull off this level of stoicism permanently. Maybe when I get better at putting myself out there, I can get better at being fake for shorter amounts of time to get into an LTR and get sex and affection for awhile, eventually the mask will fall off and she'll resent me for being a human being instead of the fantasy male that only actually exists as a guy wearing a mask, I'll get over the emotional fallout with my money and life intact which is all that matters, then repeat when loneliness drives me to do it. But then again, I think attachment trauma plays a role in how a woman perceives male weakness and whether or not she shit tests. One thing I'm done doing is trying to get anywhere near alternative women, my hindbrain might find them attractive, but they usually have some psychological trauma that I'm just not smart enough to break through.

[–]rogacrat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can confirm. Never even expressed my insecurities to a GF but my mother (who I should have never told either) ended up telling a GF once. Mother is basically retarded honestly. GF's whole family then knew. Not even really a big deal for what it was..but will a) never bring women "home to meet mom" again and b) will be even more careful about who I tell anything to. Women can't keep a secret - fact.

[–]WhistlingAsshole 0 points1 point  (1 child)

how can you say 9/10 when you've been in zero relationships?

[–]RightCrossBrah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those quotes are not from me. The quotes are from other men over at Askmen.

[–]ecosci 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This only happens to betas because flaws and excuses triggers her nuturing behavior which is tied into her sexual organs it only works for alphas "oh he really needs me" just dont go to women to fix the problem thats all.

[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weak men are useless in the grand scheme of things, even Beta's need to be reasonable strong of mind and body. The same can be said about fat women. They are worthless as breeding prospects.

The west promotes both weak men and fat women and honestly this is the biggest culprit of allot of humanities current suffering. People are allowed to rationalize away their suck.

Sadly women never get the 'don't be fat' wake up call and weak men only get it when they are unlucky (a.k.a. lucky) or get trampled on enough. So far I've rarely seen this happen.

[–]szalinski 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How about bragging about overcoming things like depression?

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)