In every situation, someone is getting what they want. If you're nice all the time, it will never be you. (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by [deleted]


[–]Docbear64 145 points146 points  (8 children)

I will forever argue that Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics lays out the four base - motives of relationships quite clearly .

Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

[–]rigbed 15 points16 points  (4 children)

How did this go over my head when I first heard it? This is genius

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)


What is this?

[–]Red_SL4 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Patrice O'Neal noted that Just Be Good To Me also conveys a lot of truths:

[–]Docbear64 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely I love that song as well , It's all about how the image of you is far more important to her than the reality of you .

[–]redditereddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

really love the marilyn manson version of this song: https://youtu.be/QUvVdTlA23w?t=1m47s

PS i skipped it to those 4 lines

[–]filitantmeminist 88 points89 points  (1 child)

it's my turn

This has been my motto since I found TRP. It changes everything.

Any time I wake up, I'm feeling anything less than 100%, or I am just thinking about work.

"It's my turn."

[–]Bkblul 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I understand that your post was written with sex in mind but really your point is related to everything in life we do. Stand up for what you deserve and become someone that women/employers/friends want and they will give you what you want.

The general rule of thumb (and this comes from our tribal days) is to only give with the intention of receiving something of equal/greater value back.

It's really upto you to decide the value of things. I find that nice guys are afraid to live life by the above rule because they are desperate for approval and they crave anything they can get (which ultimately pushes people away).

Despite what society will want you to believe, the above rule is true and is ingrained into us all. If you aren't standing up for what you deserve then I'm sorry to say but you're a sucker.

Until nice guys release that, they will always be trapped making other people feel better and never themselves.

[–]ModeratorPaperStreetVilla 50 points51 points  (4 children)

Theres a nuance to it. A man is judged solely by his value to others.

[–]sir_wankalot_here 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A man is judged solely by his value to others.

Supply and demand, if you give away for free, the value drops.

[–]webleytempest 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I didn't come up with this, but it's a great line:

Men value love, women love value.

[–]VTMSCHVSVCTRY 5 points5 points [recovered]

Value is a fancy word for "usefulness". Then, he better not shine more than he is useful. TRP, bitch.

[–]no1z 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This is a false dichotomy. Its possible to have interdependent relationships where everyone's desires are satisfied.

[–]1Su-Wu_Red 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We see this issue explored discussed in international relations theory: relative gains vs. collective gains, in respect to realism vs. Liberal institutionalism. Realism sees the pizza as limited, and everyone is rushing to get as big a slice as they can (ops approach). Institutionalism says let's grow the pizza through cooperation and make it so big such that even if someone is getting a bigger slice than me, the slice I get is still bigger than the biggest slice I would have gotten under the realist approach.

[–]samenrofringslikeLBJ 25 points25 points [recovered]

I think one has to qualify the opposite of "nice" is not being a bulldozer. I see plenty TRP posters who go to the other extreme and start behaving like animals in their quest for alpha status. Getting what you want in a gicen situation is not mitually exclusive to the counter party getting its need fullfilled. Your post hightlights well how it even helps with women and how most guys fail with them because they do not ever go out and get what they want. But in life in general, it should not be setup as me vs them, thats a horribly stressfull life from experience. I had to claw my way through at many places before I found that those exact places is what the management consultants warn about. Eventually after a grinding fuckfest, you end up in a good spot with good colleagues and a good boss, if you are lucky. Wouldnt it be nicer not to have suffered all that stress getting there though?

BP society expands though, and sjw feminist marxists are ruining environments in public and private sectors alike. A much better strategy to survive those places is to play it Game of Thrones style according to the rule "Think as you like, behave as they do". It will save you time by getting more job skills, titles and such to bolt for better places. Of course, you are telling them this is not something you strive for, you hate ambition and success as much as the others, and yeah it fucking sux with trump now. Watch their faces as you bolt, lovely.

TLdr: The opposite of being a pushover is being socially competent and machiavellian in the modern workplace

[–]analyticaltoafault 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But that makes you a baaaad person!


[–]stoicismexpress 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a bizarrely awful world view. You know those friends who you have no desire to compete against? Who you like as a person, knowing they like you back? Who you can chill with and have fun with and confide in? If not it's because your spazzed out mentaility of constantly trying to gain from people has destroyed your chances of making friends.

[–]Harleydamienson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree all people are trying to get something from you, and are only interested in you as long as they can get something from you. Best avoided.

[–]fcb98292 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Live on purpose, always with a goal in your eyes. Never take your hands off the wheel, or someone else will steer you into what they want. Being a nice guy only qualifies if doing so achieves your goal. However, manipulation is not RP. Beware of confusing progress with walking on people.

[–]PawnToKing 3 points4 points  (5 children)

You're either advancing your mission/purpose/desire, or catering to someone else's.

Listen up, children. This is a fallacy we call a 'false dichotomy.' this basically means that the two options presented aren't the only options. Always be weary of individuals who argue fallaciously.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]PawnToKing 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Nice catch on the grammar mistake. And if you're trying to claim that this piece isn't opinion, therefore arguing a point, I'm not sure what to tell you.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]PawnToKing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh, I have no problem with you arguing your point. You should. That's good rhetoric, but use of fallacies should make anyone wary. (learned something)

[–]orangefrogsup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does this apply to family? I was negotiating with my family whether to go watch a movie with them and go to church(which I hate) or to stay home, which is all I've been doing all week. Spending time with family, even if it isn't enjoyable, is something you can only do when they are alive after all.

[–]suske127 3 points4 points  (6 children)

Similar situation with me. Had a girl after me from 7th grade until 12th grade and we had lots of fun but never "got together" or fucked. After graduating she started trying extra hard, cooking for me and such. She's lovely and treats me like a king so I stay around. I dominate the shit out of her which is why she hasn't gotten bored. In school I was pretty beta. The last 2 years or so I've become "alpha" and that's when she started being so pleasant for me. About 50% of our relationship is "comfort" - cuddles and sweet talk and such. (She has pretty severe anxiety and loves the comfort) But man she gets bored so fast she's usually begging me to fuck her and I don't even have the drive to, every time.

Like you say, if the shit testing stops or the submission fades, I don't plan to ghost her forever - but maybe a few weeks. She'd freak out as I'm still the only guy she's been with and genuinely thinks we're soulmates.

The pill is good. The results are great.

[–]willowhawk 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Careful friend, she might be a ticking bomb. Keep your eye out for red flags. Things like her severe anxiety can be completely weaponised to make you feel sorry for her and lose frame.

Just a heads up, nothing more mate.

[–]suske127 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every now and then, she "tries" (not actively, just a subconcious thing) And it's essentially her version of a shit test. "Feel sorry for me!" Well rarely will I show sorrow. Generally it's not warranted anyways.

We are all time bombs, though. The guard can never be let down 100%

[–]JackGetsIt 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Listen to /u/willowhawk. All women are ticking time bombs but your's will blow up hard because she's told everyday by all her friends that she needs to get on the cock carousel instead of staying with a soulmate. Stay alpha to keep her around.

But man she gets bored so fast she's usually begging me to fuck her and I don't even have the drive to, every time.

This is basically me in every relationship I've had. The minute you start to withhold on purpose or just because you can't keep up with her she will start to build resentment. You might want to read sex god method and go no fap to keep the sex consistency and quality up.

Sometimes I feel that women who want sex way to much are shit testing in a way. They can't believe they are so lucky to have this guy so they exhaust the hell out of sex so they can have something to complain about. One way out of this is to not turn her down but to keep busy with hobbies and work and not be super available. Spending to much time with a women is the death of any relationship.

[–]suske127 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yup. Plan is to "stay alpha" - improving at a good rate actually so I'm just getting better, for her. It pushes her to self improve a bit too, because dread exists (I tell her all the time I won't be locked down and will fuck another woman if I get a good opportunity)

Didn't think about the possible resentment. Looking at it now there definitely is some and I definitely need to keep it minimal. Glad you brought that to light

[–]JackGetsIt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking at it now there definitely is some and I definitely need to keep it minimal.

You'll never get rid of it but just keeping an eye on it and using light dread on occasion will be a help. Looks like you're on a sustainable path. Good luck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I find myself confused as my wife gives me literally whatever I want sexually whenever I want, Shes very affectionate and if im tired or dont talk to her on an off day she gets upset. However the shit tests only occur once every 3-4 weeks and they are so minor I dont even care about them. I feel like im going against the grain here but do you think its "really" true that shit tests = level of interest?

[–]youngspeech 5 points6 points  (0 children)

you are getting better at handling shit tests, which results in not recognizing shit test and passing them easily

[–]p3n1x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her having sex with you should not be used as a validator of "interest level" correlated to shit test level.

Think of it this way, as long as her emotional state is positive, Everyone around her will benefit..... everyone. It does not matter "who" or "what" is keeping/putting them in that state.

Women continue to test at all levels of any relationship. They will never stop picking at your armor, meta-frame is their tactic.

[–]Raikkonen716 0 points1 point  (0 children)

everyone is going to try to push your buttons in some way in every interaction and unless you're a masculine rock solid vigilant fuck, you will get run all over in life

This sums it up perfectly. Awesome post, man.

[–]AcidicBlink 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I was with you in the first part, and then it all went downhill very quickly.

[–]sorxian 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Please elaborate on why you believe it went downhill and how to fix it. Without any constructive criticism included your comment is pointless and without any value.

[–]SpinalArt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It goes downhill quickly because according to this, every interaction has an outcome, either your way or their way. This is an attachment to outcome mentality that is typical with nice guys.

[–]newName543456 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fail to see anything in the text suggesting all interactions are zero-sum game.