Red Pill TheoryA Basic Guide to Touching Girls (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by offthebeatmeoff


The title is a little awkward, but the message should be clear. I don't mean grabbing chicks by the pussy or groping them (without consent). I've always been pretty good with girls, and roughly 2 years ago I found Good Looking Loser, and the biggest thing I picked up from there was more physically screening girls by using touch. My last post lightly touched on touch, and I'm going to break it down a little further


So you're about to go out to Happy hour or the bar on the weekend with the goal of giving a lucky girl the gift of your penis. You make sure to look as good as possible before you go out, and you go to where ever it is you feel is the ideal place to pull chicks back to your cave.

You order a drink (whether it has alcohol or not is irrelevant) and you hold it in your LEFT hand so that your right hand stays warm and dry. You see a girl giving you "fuck me" eyes and you walk on over to her.

Step 1 - Say whatever you think is appropriate to break the ice and introduce yourself. "Hi my name is 'insert name'" and you extend that dry warm right hand of yours and shake her hand and hold her hand for as long as possible without it being weird.

If a girl is 100% sober this time could be a split second longer than normal, when the chick is a little sauced up, I've had them just keep holding my hand and even clasp their fingers around my fingers for well over 30 seconds or so (If they were into me).

Step 2/3 - Again this all depends on context. Depending on the situation maybe you buy the girl a drink or ask her to dance or on those great occasions you head right out the door. If we need to only take one or two steps to the bar, I'll place my arm around their lower back and pull them slightly to where I want them to be. If we have to walk some distance I'll do the GLL move of grabbing their hand and saying some variation of follow me to wherever it is I want to go. Usually they'll follow.

Escalation - If you've been holding her hand and you've toucher her back/shoulders and she isn't calling security or being rescued by her friends, chances are she's probably into you. You've set the tone by touching her a few times. She won't be weirded out if you take it a little further. AGAIN this all depends on context, but here are some things I have done, and things you could possible do as well.

I'm tall and pretty muscular, so if I did the follow me technique to get a chick outside or to walk outside with me or something like that, I'll find some dumb excuse to literally pick a girl up (sweep her off her feet). I've literally done it when there were small puddles or a small dog walked by or if their was a minor obstacle that was over 2 feet tall that I could easily step over. The girl has so far always loved it and wants to do it again. This also works on children. They love that stuff. Sometimes (for the girl not the children), I might kiss the girl while she's still in my arms, or I might not (depending on context).

If I'm just at the bar and talking to the girl, because of my look conversations sometimes pass on to physically related things (Basketball Volleyball, working out, etc..) and I'll take the chance to squeeze the girls arm and make a dumb joke about how she must workout or I'll slap/pat her on the butt and do the same thing. I'll see how she reacts and if we have some privacy, I might go in for the kiss right then.

There are some of those really good nights where a girl is clearly out to get pounded by some big ethnic man or whatever your demographic might be. In these cases don't waste your time with small shit and just move as fast as possible. Literally can be as fast as Introduction-Lead to dance floor - Aggressive grinding on your dick - Making out - Leading her out the door. It can all happen in 5 minutes if you make it possible and move quickly. That's something I can't teach and you'll have to gain with some experience.


Physical touch is an obvious must and this post barely scratches the surface. Try to get good at the basics, if you aren't already and you'll see a pretty night and day difference, on how quickly you can move with girls who are down, and how quickly you can screen out most girls who aren't. It's not a perfect tool, but neither is anything else.

[–]throw17453 117 points118 points  (8 children)

This is something that is counter intuitive to guys, if she has initial attraction//intrigue to you she wants you to touch her, and doing so will increase the attraction, sexual tension, her comfort with your hands on her and her sense of connectedness to you.

I remember telling a group of friends to basically be touchy on dates, hand in small of back, on her arm, touch her hair, waist, etc.

Their response "That sounds so rapey". And one said it would just feel awkward and fake to him and discounted it.

Which is partially true, if you do not naturally just go out touching girls it will feel awkward to do so, and there will be parts of it that feel fake, you may be self conscious that it seems forced or unnatural. Just do it, it works wonders, and the more you do the more natural it will be to you.

[–]offthebeatmeoff[S] 49 points50 points  (4 children)

For people of certain cultures or upbringings it can be especially awkward at first. I was lucky enough to grow up with cultures where a lot of touching is extremely natural i.e. Kissing on the cheek to greet women, man hugs, lots of arm touching. This is an extreme way to learn, but going to Latin America or Italy for a month or so is a great way to become slightly more comfortable with touching people and being touched yourself. It's normal and human to be touched.

Like you said, when a girls/guy likes you, they want you to touch them. It feels good, and they'll look for any reason to make physical contact with you as well, but you have to take the lead for the larger stuff.

[–]throw17453 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Physicality can be pretty important generally socially.

You can use it to establish dominance, being overly touchy with a guy, arm around their shoulder etc. an invasion of their personal space, and if they allow it you on some level establish hierarchy over them (not advocating doing this this, just observed it happening)

You see presidents and leaders of countries practically tripping over each other to be the one who puts their arm around the others back and leads them to wherever they are going.

People who are comfortable touching generally do well not just with women, but socially, its a form of bonding and connecting not just romantically//sexually but for human beings overall.

And you're right, girls may even be literally thinking "I want him to touch me"

Its like the cliché with approaching, when girls see a guy they are attracted to they long for him to come up and approach them, and they may throw out some subtle signs of interest in the hope he picks up on it. Touching is similar in my view, they want you to do it, and the longer they interact with you and have interest, and you do not touch them. The less attracted they will feel to you.

So go do it, fortune favours the bold - true in many aspects of life - this being one of them.

[–]offthebeatmeoff[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

What a lot of guys here may or may not understand is that being good with women is just a subset of being good with people. The two are very far from mutually exclusive.

Another thing is that girls are the ones who are actually making the first move. They're the ones who show signs of interest (most of the time), that they want you to pick up so that you'll come over and talk to them. They are performing behavior A so you'll approach and perform behavior B and so on. It's not all the time and guys might not view making IOIs as making the first move, but it is (IMO).

[–]gonnahike -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Awkward at first? You write in the first post:

Escalation - If you've been holding her hand and you've toucher her back/shoulders and she isn't calling security or being rescued by her friends, chances are she's probably into you.

You don't need to call security because someone is awkward towards you. It definitely sounds rapey if they way you come on to a woman would constitute her having to tell you to back off, and also involve several other people to take her side against you

[–]offthebeatmeoff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Calling security was just a poor attempt at humor. Having her friends butt in is the more realistic example, I've seen in person.

[–]RPthrowaway_007 8 points8 points [recovered]

How many of your friends get laid a bunch? If they can't touch a girl to get them warmed up how do they expect to fuck them?

[–]throw17453 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ones in question, 2 were in LTR and 1 single and dating. It wasn't that they can't touch a girl, it's more what I was suggesting was not just wait for easy opportunities to touch, make them, and do it far more boldly and directly. Less incidental light touching, more hands on her body in a way which leaves no ambiguity other than "You're mine and I want you"

You don't need a reason, an excuse, a hand on the back to lead through a door. Hand on the arm as you're stressing a point or whatever - although they are great too. Your reason can literally be "I'm attracted to you and want to put my hands on your body" the easy opportunities just make guys more comfortable doing it, but you can be far bolder and more direct with it. Women love to be touched, enjoy the sensation.

If they don't like you or are not attracted they will let you know quickly by how they respond - /u/xray777's comment below explains that well.

It was this that they took as too much and that it would be awkward. They are pretty bluepill when it comes to girls though.

[–]Luckyluke23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what people forget is it's pretty much the SAME action for both " the alpha" and the " beta" ( using these terms for lack of a better one)

the " alpha" rolls hi says hi and puts his hand on her back, should whatever and she likes it.

when the chode does this SAME action. because he didn't do it with confidence, she isn't into him, or she just DOESN'T like to be touched SO Early in the interaction. she will freak out and won't like it. Thats when it becomes rapey and creepy and everything.

[–][deleted] 157 points158 points  (11 children)

-a small guide for flirting with touch-

Head/face- "You've got something on your cheek/head", "aw you're devious, huh ruffles hair", "wait. What color were your eyes? moves head by the chin towards you", "your hair keeps getting into your eyes brushes bangs away", "(something completely unrelated) playfully pulls hair LIGHTLY"

Shoulders- "excuse me brushes shoulders when walking by", "let me tell you something hand on shoulder when face-to-face", classic arm around shoulders nonchalantly when sitting down being very casual, "whaaat!! You're crazy!! shaking her by sides of the upper arms"

Boobs- DONT touch her Boobs with your hands unless you're 5/6ths of the way there (you know what I mean), or its an accident and shes in a swimsuit/revealing thing, brush them with your shoulders or chest but only for a second or two when you walk by her in a CompactTIGHT environment, It's more likely okay to brush them with your back accidentally

Upper back- "show me/let's go over here/c'mon/let'sa go/hurry/show me where.../i want you to follow me for a bit guide her with one arm around her back or with your hand near the middle of her mid-upper back" "aw com'ere! one arm hug", "(something patronizing) pats her shoulder"

Abs/Sides- Don't try to touch her abs unless putting a hand there when you kiss (this usually is where she gets self conscious about her weight),

Hands/Forearms- brush her forearms when watching a movie ie when she's distracted ie you're not just sitting there in silence brushing her arm, play with her hands like thumb wars" or play arm wrestling, hold her hand when you've built up some trust

Lower back/Butt- The lower back is the best place to escalate imo, you can hold her with a hand there when watching a movie, you can guide her around if you've escalated enough. It's not the butt and it's not the sides and it's not the midback... it's the lower back. Work your way gradually from the lower back down. Slow process.

Thighs/Upper Leggs- "(something funny) pats on lower quad", in-thighs are for super-escalated situations only.

Calves/Knees- basically anything works for knees, Calves for admiring physique or if you for explaining something and want a visual aid

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (1 child)

better than the original post

[–]meh613 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Top class, u/iracundiarock, where can I get more detail on pulling hair?

[–]KV-n 4 points5 points  (0 children)

out in the terrain during practice?

[–]frealsis -3 points-3 points [recovered]

This is ridiculous and makes me feel queasy.

"You've got something on your cheek/head"

Am I to wait for something to get on her cheek just to touch her?

"aw you're devious, huh ruffles hair"

She spent hours fixing that shit

"wait. What color were your eyes? moves head by the chin towards you"

The fuck do I care about the color of her eyes?

"your hair keeps getting into your eyes brushes bangs away"

puke jeez, that's the shit girls do on me, I'm not gonna fkn groom her as an excuse to get to touch her, such a beta move.

"(something completely unrelated) playfully pulls hair LIGHTLY"

Are you still in kindergarten?

Here's the for reals method: your body or whatever tells your brain "that ass/chin/cheek/hand/thigh/boob looks soft, touch it" and then you touch it. If she asks (with words, eyes or whatever) what you're doing you say with your eyes, words or whatever "I'm touching it". The thing is, if she's OK with you touching her then you can and any kindergarten maneuver will only serve to instill doubt - if she's not OK then your kindergarten excuses will solidify your status as a beta and creep. If she doesn't want you to touch her and flinches/moves back then you know, she's not into you (yet? - or simply next). To avoid this you should pretty much have a feel for what her desire of you is, either by your escalations or her actions. Don't go groping complete strangers.

[–]phate0451 16 points17 points  (1 child)

The fuck do I care about the color of her eyes?

This question is why you masturbated into a sock last night. You don't care about the color of her eyes and neither does OP, it's not the point.

[–]TheFirsh 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Mystery brought a pack of lint with him to covertly place a little on them girls - to be used with the boyfriending technique.

[–]g4casting -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. And yeah a neutral "I'm touching it" works very well when asked "what are you doing?". It's like when a kid starts to cry and you just say "it doesn't hurt" with assurance, the kid will stop crying.

[–]Popular-Culture 42 points42 points [recovered]

On the other hand, if a girl is initiating physical contact with you, such as putting her hand on your biceps or grabbing your hand, or in extreme cases initiating grinding on you, she wants you. Period. Waste as little time as possible and make a move. She wants you to make a move and that's as clear as she can make it.

[–]B_E_5 30 points31 points  (0 children)

very true. it makes me cringe to think about the times this has happened to me but i was too much of a pussy to do anything about it...if she's touching you she's literally screaming at you to fuck her

[–]JFMX1996 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I feel so fucking stupid. I used to get annoyed when girls would all touch my hair, chest, and arms either saying I have cool hair or am buff when I was a teen and in my first semester of college.

Damn what a fucking idiot.

Thanks for the heads up. I'll apply the knowledge.

[–]bbfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seriously true. I was in a frat for about a year and remember a party where this girl was basically forcing some beta to gind with her (it was a biad so he was from a seperate fraternity). This kid would not under any circumstances make the move and grab her hips to dance. She went home with me instead that night.

[–]SlippinJimmii 33 points34 points  (10 children)

love these posts, "im tall and muscular" . Bitch probably already wants the dick. Try short and weedy, gamed a chick hard and she came home. You'd have to fuck it major to not close with your assets.

[–]N3sh108 21 points22 points  (6 children)


Other night at the bar this super macho, tall and muscular dude was playing cool with a chick I was gaming. At a point he whispered in her ear to go back home with him (I heard). She said she wanted to stay talking with me for another 5 minutes and then she would come (I thought: biittcchhhhhh!).

Kept going with my stuff and the morning she was offering me breakfast. Feels good, man.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Impressive. Did you just keep going like nothing had happened?

[–]N3sh108 5 points6 points  (4 children)

She wanted to keep talking and so I said something like "if you've gotta go, I'm gonna go talk to somebody else, no problem". She said "nono, don't worry".

For a couple of times I mentioned that it's time, I will talk to somebody else since she gotta go and she kept pulling me back. Worked like a charm since after an hour or so we went out together while the other dude was still outside.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 9 points10 points  (1 child)

outcome independence. Well played.

[–]Polishrifle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Outcome independence whilst body rocking. Always works.

[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Flexing those abundance muscles! Great job sealing the deal, man.

[–]mummersfarce_is_done 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well played man. Well played.

[–]iamneptuno 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm Paris Hilton and this is a basic guide to getting into a Lamborghini.

If I recall correctly, our good looking friend has numerous other posts exactly like this, just as useless to majority of males.

For fuck's sake, this

You see a girl giving you "fuck me" eyes and you walk on over to her.

literally never happens to me, and I think, to most of males. Considering that "a girl" means something at least somewhat attractive, of course.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Anyone can gain muscle and have low body fat. And if your lucky, you have a nice face. A nice face+muscle+low BF= better than 95% of guys.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This. Reading OP's post: he's physically attractive enough to just have to show up at a bar and wait for a girl to stare at him. This, and her holding his hand for longer than normal are massive IOIs that mean the cat is in the bag before he even has the time to say anything more than "hi, my name is ...". Frankly there is no much work needed to bring her home at that point.

Good on him, but inapplicable to 90% of guys.

[–]N3sh108 22 points23 points  (0 children)


  1. Be tall and attractive
  2. Do whatever the fuck you want

Gotta say that this guide does not work for everyone, you usually have to put a bit more effort before escalating. If she is already giving you the "fuck me eyes" then you just need to NOT fuck up. On the other hand, most people need to earn those eyes.

[–]thewrightstuff88 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Google vin decarlo's escalation ladder for additional insight on when to progress and when to back off

[–]2kevin32 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I'll place my arm around their lower back and pull them slightly to where I want them to be.

Touching her lower back feels very sexy for her and suggests you're a lover. Avoid shoulders as it's how Nice Guys give hugs and suggests friendship.

Another thing I'll do is "cheek-touching". Use the loudness of the bar/club to your advantage. Move in close to say something in her ear because the environment is too loud, then slightly brush your face-cheek against hers while still talking. That warm connection is stimulating for her.

After a few times, you can keep your cheeks together as you talk in each other's ears, and she will likely hold your face against her's to keep the physical connection.

It's very intimate.

[–]xray777 7 points7 points [recovered]

Also....don't forget giving her opportunities to touch you. Kino, like most of this shit, is hard-wired into women and they can be masters at their own level of it.

The biggest mistake you can make is to assume that incidental contact between you is an accident. Physical contact is never an accident with a woman. They are masters at evading the creep touch.

If your leg or arm is touching a woman and she's not evading you touch her more. If a woman's boob or ass brushes you she wants you to touch here there (don't respond with a grab, you noob). If she holds a touch she's basically saying "YOU IDIOT, I LIKE YOU, TOUCH ME."

[–]Mr-charming 3 points3 points [recovered]

How tall? At a certain point its a different ball game altogether.

[–]Totallyoriginaluser 1 points1 points [recovered]

What do you mean? I'm 6' 3"

[–]dxfifa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah over 6'1" it's a lot easier but it doesn't get any more so over like 6'5". I basically would consider myself totally average and i'm overweight but being 6'3" I get such an advantage over dudes that i can pull as easily as 5'9-5'11" guys who are better than me in every other way by a bit

[–]Frenetic_Zetetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 6'0" even, and it does wonders.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I remember one of the first times I was put meeting people in clubs, I met up with a friend who was having a birthday party with a girl that just turned 21. We went to a club with an open dance floor and the age range of everyone here was from 20's to 40+. Within an hour I was dancing with a girl that was rubbing her butt on my dick. It was completely flaccid, and I was so confused, I couldn't think straight and only thing running in my mind was "this isn't how I was taught to deal with women! What is going on!?" We had maybe exchanged a sentence with each other at this point. An other girl feom the party was grinding into me from behind. I just started my dance move of just straight dry humping on the dance floor. Looked around and other guys were looking at me like they couldn't belive it. I learned that night that I need to be more physical with women and that I need to pay more attention to when girls are signaling that "it's on".

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points

[permanently deleted]

[–]greatslyfer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's confidence mate.

I can already tell you don't believe in yourself and are not chill enough when approaching girls.

Work on that and you'll be better everyday :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It sounds like you are playing a SIMS game

[–]offthebeatmeoff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like it at times too.

[–]chances_are_ur_a_fag 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I pick up girls all the time and it works like magic. never actually thought about it in depth until reading your post and equating it with children. makes sense since they are children in essence.

[–]SOwED 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thank you for clarifying not to kiss children!

[–]offthebeatmeoff[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hug them, kiss them, love them, and play with them so they can grow up to be great members of society. Don't try and make out with them.

Just wanted to clarify