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Red Pill TheoryGrit : Your Most Important Quality (self.TheRedPill)

submitted by Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams

We measure ourselves on capricious scales, on the calibration of others. We weigh our lives on Facebook. On cars and houses and women and jobs and accolades. When we fail to get these things, when we feel we deserve them and yet miss out, some of us grow despondent, relinquishing ourselves to mediocrity and acceptance of being average. The fight against this “quiet desperation”, as Thoreau called it, is the largest battle in an unlucky man’s life.

First step for not losing your mind: accept defeats, shortcomings, failures that you can’t fix and then go about finding something you can control. We talk a lot on here about being the best possible version of yourself, and while self-improvement is the cornerstone of this subreddit, we don’t often talk in a productive way about just how many ingredients in the formula are actually beyond our control: that welding of luck, connections, birth, opportunity, longevity and genetics that lead to natural success.

You have to accept that you may have disadvantages, flaws, things you can’t fix. You may never overcome these things, but the key to being an enlightened man is that you should never, ever, stop trying to overcome. There is even a word for this, and it is perhaps the most important character trait that you can actually fully control. The one attribute that matters most. That trait is commonly called grit.

Not tall enough? Not the right color? Not born rich, charming, no 16 inch cock?

Fuck your shortcomings. Get some grit. It is the only stat that means anything.

The word grit comes to us from the act of setting one's teeth together, a conscious, unyielding reaction to a great weight, pain, or discomfort borne through. It also falls under the heading of “will” and “discipline” and “work-ethic” but it is a much more apt and all-encompassing and appropriate word for what it means to be a bottom 99% man in the late 2010s.

The men who have it have a way of stubbornness, of workmanly candor, of growing towards some inner purpose that only they can name or assign any adjectives to. When challenged on their worth by uncontrollable events they withdraw to an invisible spot inside where only they can hold stewardship over the value of their own souls.

Translation: they push through the bullshit, the self-doubt, and the disappointment through never quitting, never thinking about quitting, never getting discouraged by the piles of garbage the world throws at them. The gritty spend their energy not on the fact that they are battered, but on getting up again and again despite how the world may stack itself against them.

It is a trait that has largely gone overlooked, overshadowed by a pile of buzzwords about success, life-hacks, being “alpha” etc. The reason being that humble grit is not a fun, sexy concept— it is not the kind of word most people imagine having on their tombstone. Grit is as dirty as it sounds, as low as it sounds, almost base or animal. But make no mistake: it is a mule pulling the plow of humanity, a mule breaking through the sod of mediocrity with the compounding energy of patience.

In short: male grit has built the world we currently inhabit. But it is a disappearing art. We’ve learned from feminism and our victimization culture that life will be fair if only you spend your time being “socially conscious” or whatever the fuck that means. We’ve been inculcated with senseless caring about things no one can change, about trying to fix the world for whoever the media tells us is currently “oppressed”. We then carry this cultural attitude over to our own lives- at which point some of us crack at the overwhelming unfairness of the world.

So how does one have grit?

Grit comes from deciding that greatness can be built with the slow stacking of stones over decades. It is a sort of hope, or even the assurance that each grinding thing that you do will amount to some greater reckoning. It is each rep at the gym, each approach, each resume submitted, every time you show up on time when others don’t. It is denying yourself that wine, those pills, that porn, those easy floozies who are going to wreck your life. Grit is building your own worth through consistency and unflagging belief in yourself.

Because the gritty believe in themselves— not quite in that sappy motivational poster way, but in the happy acceptance that the world is designed to make them fail. Because make no mistake, the world wants you to fail. It is made to keep you mediocre, to feed you mediocrity and acceptance and to make your grit seem like something unnecessary and even selfish. And we either open up and swallow it or we grit our teeth. That’s what grit is.

To be gritty, we need to decide that it doesn’t matter what words people call us, to resign ourselves to our shortcomings, to understand that defeat is the grandest nourishment a man can have so long as he keeps coming back for more.

In the end, grit is doing hard things because they are hard and for no other reason than they are hard and they are the right thing to do. Because there are two kinds of failure. There is the failure of the outside world and then there is the failure of self. Too many men let the first dictate and lead to the second.

Grit is not to do what is easy, to give up in that easy way that is forever tickling the back of your mind. It is to never slip into apathy or complacence or despair. It is to make your effort, passion, and drive a thing set apart from all external circumstances.

A new year is coming. Grit your teeth gentlemen.

Thanks again TRP: Book and [blog](www.thehumananimal.net).


[–]VTMSCHVSVCTRY 81 points81 points [recovered]

I hope posts with this theme continually come up. It really needs to be talked about more often. Grit can help you a lot. Grit is pure mental.

[–]Toker95 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I agree this needs yo be amplified

[–]Enlightened_Chimp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of "The Slight Edge". Just push through and crank out those little bitch tasks every day even though it sucks. It leads to major long term success.

[–]Nothingweknow 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I've been thinking about this as well. The RedPill originally was to discuss the sexual strategy required by the modern man to understand the feminine world that we now live in.

I think it goes far beyond that though, and that we can all make gains in regards to applying RP principles to other areas of our lives. So other than this topic, what would you want to see discussed more in 2017?

[–]dbtitans 35 points36 points  (0 children)

This. Fucking gold. (also, props for articulation, language, and eloquence).

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Great post.

Here's a supplemental TEDTalk on Grit. It's worth a watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14bBuluwB8

[–]TheSp4rk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I liked the content, I wish her delivery was more passionate.

[–]KosmicKastaway 13 points14 points  (2 children)

There are two totally frivolous memories in my life that somehow kept on recurring during times I wanted to regress to comfort. I just wanted to share.

  1. "Only through struggle have I found rest." An excerpt of a song from the band As I Lay Dying.

  2. The unmemorable movie where the Captain of a ship did not want to sleep in a cushion and preferred instead to sleeping in a military bed because it was "too comfortable."

Those two thoughts, though seemingly insignificant, have helped me a lot more than I could ever imagined.

[–]laere 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Some metal bands have great motivational lyrics. Killswitch Engage always gets me fucking PUMPED in my workouts.

[–]KosmicKastaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes... Do you know the band Hatebreed? I think you should give them a listen. Trust me.

[–]F0rever_Fascinated 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Couldn't agree more. I might expand a bit and point out a few subtleties within grit, as it's defined the majority of my adulthood.

A pretty obvious aspect to grit is sacrifice. Caving in is not an option and you are facing adversity head on. You are very obviously forgoing short-term benefits for the hope at larger long-term ones (not necessarily with a guarantee). This applied to my life are the countless hours in the library or at my business now, even on weekends and evenings, and sacrificing what many consider staples to their normal lives.

Another, somewhat less obvious aspect is endurance. You can make sacrifices along the way, but the endurance needed to remain consistent is how you outpace everyone around you. Piggybacking off of my previous example, this for me was not taking days off. There was a time I ended relations with women to further pursue my work, and better endure it without distraction.

The least obvious is survival. When you push yourself to the limits of your mind, you ignore Maslow's hierarchy of needs, as if to step beyond a narrow minded definition of what it means to be a fulfilled human being. Weird manifestations abound, and what remains is a life that many don't think they'd be able to live. Sometimes you wonder this yourself. This is just as applicable to serious health issues I've experienced (very near suicide at times) as well as extreme isolation for many periods of time due to my deliberate life choices.

Grit is what made me who I am today. Mine is an intellectual story, but you can just as easily substitute lifting, women, or any other subject and have similar results.

2016 was a year of grit, as were the past 8. Cheers to your post.

[–]anabolic92 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I can relate to you in some things, I don't know if its grit but I've been having suicidal thoguhts for years already, at the beggining i'd get so anxious but now they are just a part of my life.

I wake up everyday (besides Sunday) at 5:15 AM, I eat, pick up my stuff and work suit and head to the gym, where I arrive around 6:30AM and leave at 7:50 AM to start my job at 8:00 AM.

I work at a big corp realtively important, we work a lot of ours, 10, so I leave at 6:00 PM from work, rushing to university where I start my classes at 7:00PM to 10:00 PM.

I get at home at 10:15 PM, I prep the meals for tomorrw, eat my last one meal, do the gym bag and head to the bed around 11:00PM to try and sleep 6h.

I couldn't be an unhappier man.

I thought being busy 24/7 almost would make me, if not happy, at least not depressed, needing just to see myself in any mirror or window reflex a few seconds to have my day ruined.

Besides working 'this' hard, I wont discuss if I could do more, I have yet to see any results or improvement in my life.

I could be so comfortable at my parent's home still, saving the rent cash I'm spending and an average job, but as I always was told every sacriffice will have its recompense, not in my case.

So I'm questioning myself what to do in life, I don't think I know what I want anymore, where to go from here and questioning all of my choices.

[–]F0rever_Fascinated 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was miserable working for someone else and keeping similar hours/schedule to what you describe.

The world is what you make it. I've been solely focused on self employment since I was in high school. And that lifestyle is all the difference. I keep the same hours to you but I don't have an oppressive force keeping me in line. If I sleep in or have a day I need to take to myself, nobody can say shit to me about it.

What we're told is that the ultimate success is working a fancy job with a lot of income. Alas, this isn't conducive to most people's definition of success. Or fulfillment. Sometimes it takes years before people wake up to that. Sometimes people don't make it that far and fail in the pursuit.

I'd encourage you to do some soul searching. Get to know your mind. Know what makes it worse and, just as well, what makes it better. I've been fortunate to have some brilliant people push me and help me along the way. This by no means needs to be a pursuit in isolation, although that's how mine has mostly played out.

The endurance piece is key with suicidal thoughts. I had horrific behaviors during that time to get through it. Mine come and go in periods of time.

There's more than one answer to this question. But make a change if you aren't happy (or don't see a light at the end of the tunnel).

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need a purpose. I know that isn't real advice, but it helps to think about. Write down ten things you want to do in your life. It sounds like you are engaged in a rat race that you have no interest in. Why? So you can live in a big house? I don't know you, but you sound like you should start a business involving something you care about. Look at your job as a way to save up enough money to do that. PM me if you ever want to talk about it.

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Enjoyed your story, thanks for the comment. Grit on brother.

[–]TheSp4rk 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This, one foot at a time. All the sacrifices, all the sweat, all the willpower. All the failures, all the obstacles, all the injuries. I will go through hell and will keep going. Bring 2017.

[–]phate0451 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Grit comes from deciding that greatness can be built with the slow stacking of stones over decades. It is a sort of hope, or even the assurance that each grinding thing that you do will amount to some greater reckoning. It is each rep at the gym, each approach, each resume submitted, every time you show up on time when others don’t. It is denying yourself that wine, those pills, that porn, those easy floozies who are going to wreck your life. Grit is building your own worth through consistency and unflagging belief in yourself.

Most women can't fathom this mindset.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because women don't tend to build anything beyond hobby level businesses. They just show up and be pretty and get to live the lifestyle afforded by someone that somehow came to afford it. Whether he stole the money, had tons of grit or comes from a privileged background is irrelevant to her.

[–]introspect2314 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow, I really needed this inspiration today. I hope to one day be able to tell you all about the 7-month lesson in grit I am currently experiencing.

I was subjected to the most bizarre setup at a new prestigious job which ultimately led to me losing my career. Talk about having a system designed to make one fail. I've been laughed at by attorneys while I pursue a legitimate court case against my employer on my own. Through vigorous study of the laws pertaining to my situation, I have been effective so far, but the mental and spiritual endurance aspect of this experience is absolutely exhausting.

[–]antihostile 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities—I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not—that one endures.”

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Your writing style is amazing. Your message is even better.

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

As a struggling writer, your kind words are very meaningful to me. Thank you.

[–]AlwaysFlank 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I doubt any of you don't have a single moment when you're considering giving up. The moment when you're on the ground after a (metaphorical) beating, lying there, thinking of throwing in the towel and learning to be happy with the feeling of cool concrete on your bloody face. What do you do then? I know giving up will be easy, and I'm just exhausted at this point. I had a huge victory tonight but it just got crushed at the end

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Part of personal growth is learning to pick up the pieces. Scraping yourself off the pavement after a defeat is what builds character, it shapes you into the man you wish to become. Years into my journey and I still have doubts, I still relapse into my old ways of watching TV, smoking pot and skipping workouts, but I always come back and I'm stronger because of it. Just remain conscious of your mistakes and keep moving forward.

[–]AlwaysFlank 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just writing that out and reading it back now made me realize that I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion. I've still got all my limbs, so I'm more than capable of fighting. Thanks, keep on friend

[–]vagbutters 2 points3 points  (3 children)

You know what really motivates me about life's hardships? Life would be fucking boring without them. If I didn't have to drag my ass to the gym or eat cleanly most days the year to score pussy, Id probably be bored out of my mind doing something stupid instead. If I didn't have to work my ass off during most hours of the week to become a doctor, I would probably be depressed.

Struggle gives life meaning, and more importantly gives your time worth. Why else do we see "depressed," medicated beta males all too often nowadays? They lack the grit to be men, so their life becomes one big monotonous cycle of tiny bursts of dopamine.

[–]Glassland 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What does it say about life if we can only choose between suffering and suffering?

[–]vagbutters 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You suffer a little bit now so that you can be happy later.

[–]Glassland 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel is what keeps many going, but it's not true. Life will always be a struggle, until you die. You will continue to suffer, just in different ways.

Life is a pile of shit, but we can choose to yield or conquer. We suffer either way.

[–]reesechocolates 3 points3 points [recovered]

really good post with alot of practical advice. thank you sir.

I'd like to offer a quote which, for me, ties in closely with grit and really using that to live

"living is not for the weak - anonymous

best of luck gentleman

[–]trpnewguy666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like to paraphrase the same concept as:

"Embrace the suck."

A more worldly example: If I can smile - not in spite, but because - of the pain of my legs while pushing out that last few reps of whatever weight I squat. That gives me a certain confidence that there isn't anything I can't handle mentally.

Finding pleasure in pain might lead you to be a cynical caricature of yourself, but for me it also helps pushing myself and caring less about comfort, which can give me an edge over others.

[–]freshoutofgravitas 4 points5 points  (1 child)

excellent use of language. this guy lifts books. I look forward to reading more from you

[–]Endorsed Contributorthelandofdreams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, if you or anyone else is interested in a free pdf of my book just let me know. Could really use some reviews and feedback.

[–]meh613 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post! Especially the part about "slow stacking of stones over decades". This isn't an overnight process. It's more resigned acceptance of your condition and having accepted it without reservation, improve it incrementally.

[–]PoofyPossum666 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Fucking god damned beautiful fucking piece of art right here, you magnificent bastard.

[–]g4casting 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing submission. The combination of the powerful message and vivid writing style had me entranced. I have felt strong emotions reading your post and I thank you for writing it. Grit is all I need to finally get over some obstacles that have been in my way for too long.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I drink, I get hangover anxiety for a day or two and I find myself coming back to posts like this to keep me going. I can always rely on this sub to produce stuff like this. Thanks for your input dude

[–]Redpill_Spartacus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want to have grit drilled into you take up kyokushin karate

[–]rickyTiqee 1 points1 points [recovered]

I'm afraid. Really. When reading this, I really started to feel fear of both incoming failures and success in my life. Fear of having someday the need to face my shortcomings and my "friends" who will try everything to stop me and rob me of hope, of confidence, of material goods I'm gonna accumulate someday and even of my life.

This started to paralyze me, yet at the same time giving me adrenaline rush and hope to act...

I lack confidence and discipline, much. I really need that help, I'd like to help myself but still don't know how...

[–]hbPUA 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What is your biggest obstacle?

[–]rickyTiqee 1 points1 points [recovered]

My mindset probably. I know I can, but just don't act...

[–]1Tommy_407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great post with concise and eloquent diction