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I met the most amazing man a few weeks ago. He's basically everything that I've been looking for and I almost can't believe he's real. And he treats me well and is moving our relationship into the direction of being exclusive and committed.

So now the hamster wheel is kicking into full gear. I'm terrified that I'll do something to drive him away, worried that maybe he's faking everything, and reading way too much meaning into the smallest things.

What do you guys do to chill out? I know that worrying will only damage what we have - no one wants to be with someone who is paranoid.


[–]ExceptionalSea21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Try not to attach expectations to this and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now - fun and getting to know you. You don’t know if this guy is the forever one yet, and you don’t know that from your side either.

Right before I started dating my fiancé, I dated someone who I thought was “perfect” and would possibly be the man I would marry. That relationship blew up and I took awhile to lick my wounds. I started dating my fiancé and decided to just let things play out and not attach any expectations to what we were doing. As I got to know him I realized he was far superior to the guy before in many ways (he even makes substantially more money) and a far better match. We soon became exclusive and engaged and I owe some of that to how laid back I was though the process. If I were to meet both men at the same time I would still pick my fiancé hands down.

I don’t say this because this is true for you with this guy, but you never know what life will bring you. Try to remember that while dating and appreciate the fun you are having right now.

[–]bsins 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Submitting is scary. And for good reason! It's a big investment.

You're feeling paranoid because you don't quite trust him yet. Just talk to him and figure out how to get there. If he has what it takes, showing him this vulnerability will go great.

[–]PantheraTigris95 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do the exact same thing with my SO of ~5 months. Every little irrational thought turns into hours of 'what if' type worries.

So.... I make an effort to be the absolute best girlfriend ever - in the end, all I can control is my own life, and my own behaviour.

Additionally, instead of trying to ignore the thoughts (which I feel works for some people but not me), I delve into them, but put a time limit on it. I'll pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid of (being cheated on? him secretly thinking I'm not attractive?) and come of with specific reasons that those things aren't true.

[–]AnnaAerials5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So.... I make an effort to be the absolute best girlfriend ever - in the end, all I can control is my own life, and my own behaviour.

Loved this advice and it’s very true

[–]theFriendly_Duck3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm so happy for you, it's the most amazing feeling. A bit of caution with your feelings is not a bad thing, especially if you haven't known him for very long. Just try to keep the communication open. Best of luck to you

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's great that you feel you have met a man you feel compatible with, but be careful about idealising him.

If you idealise him and put him on a pedestal, it will make you more likely to get upset or anxious during your interactions with him and you will be more disappointed with some of the things he does.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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