One of the things I like to do at the end of each year is compile a reading list of books for the new year. What will you be reading? In exchange for your recommendations for books, I'd like to offer a list of 10 RPW books to read in 2019. For veterans of the sub, these books might be well familiar. We are even embarking on a book club on one soon, which I can't wait for!
(1) How To Talk To Anyone - Leil Lowndes.
This book is packed full of concise, actionable advice to become a strong conversationalist. Instead of vague advice like "be engaged", she gives you questions you can ask to show you're engaged.
(2) When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Manuel Smith ("WISNIFG")
This book is commonly recommended in male RP spheres but it is a gender neutral book about assertiveness. In fact, it has some wonderful parenting advice! It teaches you how to communicate your wants and needs in direct, honest, compassionate ways. It is the source of common terminology like "Fogging" and "Broken Record". It also discusses the manipulative habits many have & their roots, which is incredibly helpful for anyone who has struggled with passive-aggressive behavior.
(3) Surrendered Wife - Laura Doyle ("SW")
SW pairs beautifully with WISNIFG because it takes gender neutral advice on assertiveness and puts it into a specifically feminine frame. The focus is on communicating clearly what you want and need; ceasing manipulation and passive aggressive behavior; and step-by-step ways to place your husband at the head of the household. This book is one of the more accessible entry books to RPW content because it's aimed at the modern woman and the specific ways in which we sabotage ourselves/our relationships.
(4+5) For Women Only & For Men Only - Shaunti Feldhan
These books are very modern RPW content, too. For Women Only covers many sore points in modern relationships (such as what to make of wandering eyes). It also discusses the needs of men, many of which are eye opening if they've never been spelled out for you! For example, her surveys showed the overwhelming majority of men would rather be respected than loved, and the overwhelming majority of women would rather be loved than respected (in a situation where you could only pick one).
For Men Only is a worthwhile read for women because it allows for some good self-reflection. It may help you put a voice to some needs/wants which are otherwise hard to articulate. I personally cried like a baby when I read it because I felt so, so heard. It dredged up old hurts and gave me the space to reflect on & heal them.
(6) Fascinating Womanhood - Helen Andelin ("FW")
This one is core reading. It discusses the spiritual and earthly aspects of becoming a feminine woman, as well as how to honor and enable the role of masculinity (protector/provider/leader) in your husband. To do this, it draws on examples from history, classical literature, and the Bible. I return to this book again and again, although I am not a religious person at all. If you are a non-religious woman dating a man who is religious or was raised in religion (even loosely), reading this book will also help you understand his roots (and, I'd argue, our western cultural roots at large).
(7) Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood - David Coory
This book is often mixed up with the true FW. This one is told from the perspective of a woman named Angela, whose marriage is at a breaking point. She joins a FW class. Each chapter outlines one lesson and then the impact on her life as she follows the lesson's assignments. She grows into a happy, healthy woman with a healing marriage. Some people find the story format easier to relate to or follow along, so it's a great companion to the original FW.
(8) How To Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
Like FW, this is a bit of an older book. This book is a primer on "empathy in action". It teaches you how to exude charisma by being humble, respectful, and genuinely engaged with other people. The chapters on leadership strategy will help you learn how to collaboratively tackle problems, but they'll also teach you leadership cues to look for when you're vetting a man. If possible, get the original text which includes "7 Rules to Make Your Home Life Happier".
(9) Why Men Love Bitches - Sherry Argov
This one might be a little controversial but I actually think it's more important for RPW than others. We put a lot of emphasis on vetting men and this book is actually one strategy to keep vetting, rather than falling too hard/too fast. For us, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of expending all our energy to show all of what we bring to the table before we pause to see if it's even reasonable to be doing so. Although I don't suggest anyone take the book's cooking suggestions too seriously, the core of the book emphasizes that you must always stay an interesting and engaged person; you must have healthy boundaries; and you must be vetting him. I actually think it's a pretty good female counterbalance to "No More Mr. Nice Guy".
(10) No More Mr. Nice Guy - Robert Glover
This is another book from the men's RP sidebar. Like WISNIFG, it's about being assertive and staying true to yourself, rather than losing your identity to interpersonal relationships. Because it is aimed at men (and especially men in dead bedroom marriages), it may not feel directly relatable to us at first. However, use it as an eye opener of the pitfalls and bad dynamics that can befall a marriage if you aren't vigilant. If you feel your relationship falling into some of the patterns or conflicts outlined in this book, it can be an eye opener for vetting (in newer relationships), or a sign that you may need to revisit your basics from SW and FW (within marriages/LTRs).
[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link