Sorry I'm going to be completely blunt here. Unless you're legitimately autistic you realized that any money you "loaned" a woman you're banging was a gift that won't be paid back. You even said so yourself:

I never really cared if she paid back or not, but now, of course, I want my money back.

That being said you're even more stupid for spending $20,000 on a plate that was fucking you for free anyway. Unless you're straight up paying for pussy from a prostitute your standard for spending money on plates should be: "Would I do this if my male friend asked me to do the same thing?"*

That being said you have a chance to reverse some of your stupidity. Take her to small claims court, get a judgement against her, and try to garnish part of her paycheck. It will be a pain in the ass to collect, and it's unlikely that you'll get the full amount. But at least you'll get something.

You better pull your head out of your ass, get a trustworthy financial adviser, and show some respect for the life changing gift that your grandmother gave you. If you play your card right you can invest your inheritance in low risk investments such as: blue chip stocks, municipal bonds, and AAA corporate bonds. Easily living like a king off of the interest or dividends and never having to work a day in your life again.

Or you can piss it all away on manipulative whores that see you as a walking wallet and respect you so little that they bang your best friend. It's your choice really.

Send me 10 k and I will forgive you for your Beta behavior

Ghost, stop broadcasting your finances and chalk this one up to stupid tax. Suing while potentially lucrative is clinging to your desire to get some kind of revenge which means she still owns your emotions. Move on.

I'll be the opposing viewpoint: let it go.

First, it's going to cost you another couple thousand in attys fees. Then let's say you win in court (without a contract, will be tough). Even if you win, she doesn't have this money.

So after not paying you'll have to sue again (with attys and court fees), and the court puts her on a payment plan. This is all your BEST case scenario and assuming that she stays employed this whole time. The result is either:

1. She pays you $50/week for what, the next 8 years? She's going to be in your life every week for the next 8 years! And she is going to be a complete bitch the whole time too. So you just bought an 8-year subscription to having a spiteful bitch come around once/week. Plus, you know there are going to be hardships and weeks where she doesn't pay. In other words you just "won" 8 years of strife and aggravation.
2. She declares bankruptcy and is now no longer liable for the judgement. You are now out $20,000 + $3,000 in atty and court fees.

Look, think of it this way: you just took a college level course in AWALT. The tuition cost: $20,000 learn from it and move on.

I've been there, loaned $14k to an ex-wife who said she needed it to make rent years after we'd divorced. Collected about half of it back by calling/texting her every day for a couple years after, sometimes from burner phones, before getting tired of being her bill collector. She actually spent the money on freezing an egg because she's 37 and has no one else except a girlfriend right now. So her life is sad enough, I suppose. I remarried to a girl who never says no and is pregnant with our first kid, so I'm glad the debtor taught me what to look for.

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I think $10k is the max for small claims. Your chances of getting a judgement in your favor for that amount are probably good. Law usually considers money transfer between unmarried individuals to be loans, not gifts, so as long as there aren't any receipts or other clear indication you didn't expect it to be returned, so you have a chance. Doesn't matter if you were dating/fucking.

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I'd just make the required call to ask her for the money back, document it, file the paperwork to get your court day, pay the sheriff to serve the papers, then stop thinking about it. There's generally no more social interaction with the debtor after this. Keep in mind if the person is an international student or anything like that, they usually just skip town rather than pay anything. So keep in mind you may get nothing back in return for your time. Much as you'd like to get revenge or change the person, there's usually no change in the debtor's behavior, beyond hitting up different people for money instead.